Conversations about mental health need to be in the forefront of our lives, and this episode with my man, Darryll Stinson, is the perfect example of their impact and the power of vulnerability. Darryll was a D1 athlete who was destined for the NFL, but when he injured his back his life took a different path. Addiction and suicidal thoughts took over and he nearly ended his life. In this episode, he shares an incredible story of how his mom saved his life and how he navigated (and continues to navigate) his mental health journey to serve others. We talk about the power of vulnerability and checking our ego, and he shares story after story that will draw you in and make you think. You’re not going to want to miss this powerful episode.

About the Guest: 

Darryll Stinson is a former Division I athlete, author, two-time TEDx speaker, and founder of Second Chance Athletes.

After going from suicidal to successful, Darryll uses his experience to help heart-centered leaders find their unique leadership style and strength that align with their highest purpose. Darryll has mentored and taught athletes, entrepreneurs, religious and business leaders, youth groups, and many more. When he is not working, Darryll enjoys spending time with his wife and three beautiful daughters. #girldad

Fun Fact: (As a full-grown young man) Darryll, an elite athlete who would later be on track to join the NFL, was ranked below multiple three-year-olds in a YMCA swim class. ; )

Connect with Darryll and learn more:

WEBSITES:

www.DarryllStinson.com

www.SecondChanceAthletes.com

SOCIAL:

https://www.instagram.com/stinsonspeaks/

https://www.facebook.com/stinsonspeaks/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/athlete-transition-mentalhealth-career-coaching

BOOK:

“Who Am I After Sports?” : An Athlete's Roadmap to Discover New Purpose and Live Fulfilled

Find on Amazon

About the Host: 

Friends! Here's a somewhat stuffy bio of me:  

I am an author, professional speaker, coach, host, and entrepreneur. My first book, Leading Imperfectly: The value of being authentic for leaders, professionals, and human beings, is available wherever people buy books. I speak internationally to willing and unwilling attendees about authenticity, vulnerability, and leadership. My clients include American Express, General Electric (GE), Accenture, Yale University, The Ohio State University, and many others. As a speaker, I am doing the two things I loves the most: making people think and making people laugh! 

I host my own events multiple times a year. They are 2-day events called Living Imperfectly Live (and sometimes they are 1-day virtual events). They are a space where humans from every walk of life can come together to be part of a community on the pursuit of badassery. The goal is to help attendees start living the life we say we want to live.

Alas, you're here because of an idea I had a number of years ago and didn't think I was good enough to pull it off. I finally acted on it and alas Diner Talks with James was born! As you can see from what I do in my professional life, Diner Talks is alligned with everything I believe in and teach.  If this wasn't dry enough, and you would like to know more info about my speaking, events, or coaching feel free to check out my website: JamesTRobo.com.

Let’s Be Friends on Social Media!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamestrobo

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamestrobo

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamesrobilotta/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/JamesRobilottaCSP

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/JamesTRobo

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Welcome to diner talks with James. Slide into the booth and let's have conversations we never want to end with friends. We never want to leave over food we probably shouldn't be.

My friends what is going on? Welcome to another episode of Diner Talks with James. I'm James super pumped to be out here with you all today, my friends. Today we're going to be talking with my boy Darryll Stinson. He and I are going to talk a lot about mental health. He's a former D1 athlete. I'll tell you about him in a little bit. But I'm super excited to bring him out here in just a minute. But friends before I do that, I just wanted to reach out and let you know that it would be really special. If you could just share this podcast with another couple of people. There's so many who think that could hear this message Darryll's message, feel free to pass it on. He's an extremely powerful man with a great story and an incredible way of telling it as well. There's some people are just terrible storytellers. Darryll's not one of them. But so feel free to share this with a couple of individuals because the conversation of mental health is one that we need to continue to move to the forefront so that it's not just kept away in closets and in dark spaces where people feel ashamed to talk about it. So super grateful that Darryll is here. Let's bring him out here. My friend Darryll Stinson is a former D1 athlete he's an author, the two time TEDx speaker and the founder of Second Chance athletes. He wrote his book, who am I after sports it came out in November of last year and you'll need to check it out because it's fire. Darrell uses his experience to help heart centered leaders find their unique leadership style and strength that align with their highest purpose. He's mentored and taught athletes, entrepreneurs, religious and business leaders, youth groups and many more. He's an incredible human being he's got a wife and three daughters a proud girl dad and I'm excited to get to know him even better and for y'all to get to know him as well as bring it out right now. My man Darryll Stinson. What up Dude, what's up? I was I was up was up. How you doing? Good to see you, man. Good to see you. I'm excited to be here with you.

Man, I am ecstatic. And I love the energy. I'm just gonna bring you with me everywhere that I go to intro me.

You know, I am available for hire. So let's go.

The only thing the only critique I have is I will prefer smoke machines. So figure that out. And it's even better.

That sounds good. That sounds good. Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah. Coming out. Yeah. Get you that feeling put you back back. You're running out through the tunnel again. I love that. We got Darude Sandstorm under everything. We're gonna light it up. Yeah. Darryll, you are hanging out down in the Atlanta area right now. Big fan of the Atlanta area. I went to Clemson for graduate school. So I spent some time down in the south. And you know, you're hanging out in the diner right now diner talks with James now and I'm a huge fan of late night eating. And you know, I went to school. It's been seven years in the south go to school down there and ate a lot of food late at night. Right? This is a lot of great opportunities. And Waffle House is one of my favorite places. And so I'm curious for you. Is there a late night move that you particularly enjoy?

Yes, there is a late night there's a lunch move. And it's called hibachi hibachi think it's like in the garden. Oh, it's like a walking distance from my house and Grayson and I can literally eat it like three times a day if I want. It is phenomenal that the lunch special you can get like a steak lunch for like 11 bucks and chicken for like eight or nine and then dinner it's like triple but it's still worth it. I love it. So if you are in this area of friggin just drive, because it's the it's not people go oh you dare you can get this about you and it's about you like you like kabocha like no, it's the Ghana hibachi like not any hibachi that hibachi place is like the best.

Yeah. Okay, now. Well, first of all, I love hibachi I'm here for the volcano trick every time it gets every time. It makes me smile. Now, so I'm wondering for you, you know, there's often two sauces you get the ginger sauce or the yum yum or the shrimp sauce depending on what it's called. What what's your move what which one of those you go with?

Well, I know this shirt makes me look a little fit, but I saw the belly. I understand that it's yum yum over ginger. So um, yum yum sauce. In fact, my orders they haven't memorized by the way. I call and I say I want a steak dinner. I wanted medium I want double yum yum No, no ginger, no ginger.

W yum yum no ginger. That's perfect double yum yum is actually my stripper name. So that's perfect.

It will work for you. And I will work for you.

Thank you. Thank you.

I have to be like dark chocolate or something. Yeah, yeah. Which by the way, I said that in church once and it was. I don't think they thought it was funny.

jumped in land.

I mean, it was like mixed crowd. You know, like, yeah, like the people who are not so religious were like ha!! that's hilarious. And the people that were like, Did he just say that? interregional like, yeah, I guess I did. I guess I did. Our Candy Box when we were raising candy donations for Halloween for an event we have as a big sexy box and I guess I guess sexy isn't a great word you should say interesting. Between maybe in dark chocolate thunder and calling the box sexy. And yeah, I just think it's crazy.

You could you've created a house that's divided now. But here's here's what we know about that one piece of the population. That didn't laugh at that joke. inside. They were laughing a lot. Oh, 100%. Yeah, no show ever they're putting on airs. Yeah. Or they went home and smoke cigars. Who knows? For sure. Yeah. No, they did something hypocritical quickly. Are you born and raised in Georgia?

No, man, I am a born and raised in Africa and I stopped lying in public. I was born in Jackson, Michigan. It's about an hour and a half west of Detroit. Do you know where that's at?

I know where Detroit is. I don't know where Jackson is.

Okay. Do you know Tony Dungy?

I do.

Okay. He and I are the only famous people from there.

There you go. Shout out there. Yes.

Yes. Thank you. Thank you for responding to that without a laugh. I every time I do that, I gauge my popularity. If people laugh, it means that they think he's famous. And I'm obviously not as important. Yeah, but you just kept a straight face.

Darrell, I got your back menu. You just brought me on as your hype man. What am I gonna start knocking you down now?

Yeah, don't do that.

Yeah, I need at least not not for the next 20 minutes. At least man. Let me get to know you better. That's awesome. Shout out to Tony Dungy longtime listener here at the diner. The the fact that you grew up in Michigan is great. Now. Are you are you a typical Michigan or whenever anybody asked you, where are you from? Michigan, you put your hand up?

No, I'll tell you two quick things. Number one, I went to Central Michigan University. So we're anti state anti Grande Valley and anti Michigan so don't like either of those. So don't support their teams. Except for are secretly started to watch but I do. I do support Michigan State in the basketball tournament just because Simeon never makes it so that's all if we were in there, there would be no mistake. But anyways,

it was just it was just a beast over there. Yeah, yeah,

it was. It's I have some crazy stories. But, um, I was going what was the original question? I was going somewhere important with this.

Do you and when are you a typical? No. Okay.

Thank you. So yeah, when I moved from Michigan to Georgia in 2017, I immediately jumped ship all the hometown team, so like tigers, lions, like, whatever else redwings, I was like no switching on Atlanta teams not committed to any of it been waiting to switch teams since I was born. Like I jumped and I did a social media video about how I jumped ship immediately. And I had an Atlanta Falcons shirt. And that was the year they won the Super Bowl. So it was like perfect. like lions been losing all my life. And I come down here and we want a Super Bowl. You know, like I made the right decision.

You really did what you did is you predicted the market before before. That is that's a bold move to just completely abandon all of your teams. Is it because the lions hurt you for so many years? Is it because the Tigers haven't really done much give or take price field? They're like what like what was it?

All of the above? Okay. It's just it just I don't know, man. Number one is a faith move. I felt like that was what I was being led to do. But also, I don't know, man. When I got down here. I said I missed the people on Michigan. Yeah, like my family. But I don't miss the The there's been like, a lot of limited thinking people. And obviously not everybody in Michigan's limited thinking, but where I was at who I was around. I just talk talk to you about how you can't. And I feel like down here in a city, that means when I moved out here, they told me it was called the land of our eyes. Because whatever you want your wishes, and your dreams will come true. So I found that to be that there's a little bit more opportunity here. You know, bigger city, access to things growing population, all those all those great parks and so I'm happy about it, man. Are you gonna move over here?

That's great. Yeah, I'm coming over. Yeah, yeah, you got room in the crib. Can I come through?

I mean, we'll find a space man. Here, though.

I do. I do love. I do love da for sure. I it's interesting to hear you talk about that. Because, you know, obviously, Georgia's got a few things going on in the news lately, that would would potentially go against what you were just sharing. But I do really appreciate what you said is that cities are really hotbeds of opportunity. And there is a lot of opportunity for growth as opposed to you know, growing up in a in a small town in Michigan or whatnot. I can definitely see. The future is mindset, the opportunity mindset that a place like Atlanta would bring, especially cuz the land has grown so fast.

Exactly. Yeah, sure. For sure. people. People want to move here and people were moving away from Michigan. So I mean, that says, like, in the weather, don't even get me started on the weather. So I don't miss winters at all. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I can tell. You'll be proud of me to know that I just moved to Minnesota. So the opposite of what yeah, basically. Yeah.

Proud of you. And sorry for you.

So So uh, Darryl, you grew up in, in Jackson, Michigan. When did football winning football become the dream?

Well, it was more sports than it was football specifically. Okay. Um, but, and honestly, to be completely transparent. football was never the dream as it was star athlete, the best athlete of all time. Okay, sure. I get like Michael Jordan gets like that title for basketball. But I wanted to be like, Michael Jordan. Like, when people think Michael Jordan, I want to go, who's the greatest athlete of all time, his name is gonna come up and within five names easily, right. And like, that's how I wanted to be like, I wanted to be like, Who's the best athlete of all time? Like, oh, Darrell. So I didn't really care if it was like, coin flipping, like back flipping by. Oh, no, I'm on flipping. But yeah, football, basketball basket weaving, I really didn't care. I just wanted to be known as the top competitor in the world. And I think the, the age was probably like when it really started picking up was about 7/8 grade. Okay, so around 7/8 grade, I started to kind of, you know, kept my mind. I was always tall. So I've always played, but I was very uncoordinated. And then my coordination started to catch up with my height. Like I never forget, like gathering my steps in eighth grade and finally being able to dunk. And I was like, okay, something's happening here. Like, the legs aren't wobbly anymore. Like they're started. Hey, it did when my brain wanted it to do. And then it kind of just picked up from there.

Yeah, that's what you dumped in eighth grade.

I did. Yeah. In seventh, but just just so I'm not that guy who's 40 times keeps getting faster. I'll just say, hey,

how big was that fish that you caught? You know? The, that's incredible. So what was it about being the greatest athlete like, What? Why was that? Why was that the goal?

Well, it validated my insecurity. You know, I talked about in my TEDx talk, overcoming rejection, that I got teased for being the black kid that quote unquote, talks and xy when I was younger, and sports became the vehicle that and they will be not have to choose between the social divide in my community. So people didn't care if I was going to the basement party or the bonfire. Because all they want to know about me playing sports. So number one, it gave me like affirmation from other people. Because they liked me for my athletic ability, even if they didn't think I was the coolest person to hang around. The second thing is the financial up options. You know, I was thinking about career paths. I was like, starting salary as a salesman, and starting salary as a professional athlete. I think I choose professional athletics, you know, and then my father played division one football, he was a freak of nature. And he got hurt to an injury. So kind of like wanting to finish what father started was definitely a driving factor for me. And yeah, and I think just pride, you know, I wanted to be, I think when anytime you're oppressed, oftentimes the oppressed becomes the oppressor. And any love the way to say that is like, hurt people hurt people. Yeah. And I think there was a part of me that had this chip on my shoulder. Like, when I get rich and famous and successful, everyone's going to pay. Like, I can't wait to drive in my, you know, red Ferrari, across somebody who, like tease me when I was a kid on their same porch that they grew up on, and just flatten it, because I can, you know, like, I have weird things like, oh, like, I'm a competitor. So like, hey, how's life, you know, my Ferrari, when clearly their life isn't the same place. So I wanted to like not just like, make, like, set, like, have this gap between me and them be this big. I want it to be like, so night and day difference that I can just look at them and make them feel bad about their life. I don't feel that way now. So if anybody's like, this is terrible. You know, my heart has changed. I'm a new person. I have new motivations and passions, but that was a big driving force growing up. Yeah.

For those of you who are not, not watching this on YouTube, Darrell is sitting in a Ferrari right now. While he says this. feel bad about your life. That's awesome. But what you just said is powerful, right? I mean, hurt people hurt people. And the way that you put it is not as strong. When you think about the motivation of someone who becomes an elite athlete. There's so many different sparks that could generate that. had that anger, the hatch, that fire that whatever you want to call it, the pattern. And I appreciate the self awareness around yours. Do you think back then, that's something can adult there. I can reflect on that. Do you think that seven year old Dara was out with a seven year old there and that 17/7 grade eighth grade Darrell was also thinking?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I can probably articulate it a little bit better now. Cuz I'm a speaker. So I kind of got more, I don't know how to, like say words, but that's exactly what he was thinking. He was like, freaking German. And, and I've always been a smart kid. So like, I was, I was on a mission to like, like, I don't know, dominate the planet and get my way and be a hero. You know, like, I mean, the the heart side of it. That wasn't evil was you know, I wanted to get my whole family out of poverty. I always tell people, I want to get my mom a house and get my dad a car. And then I was saying that on like, podcasts and stuff. And they were like, well, what did dad do wrong to get a car? And I was like, I don't know. I just always had that. In my mind. I don't think I was thinking about dollar amount. I was just like, hey, Daddy, the car monitors or house type of thing. Yeah. Who knows? But anyways, that I did want to help my family. Get out of poverty. So that was a good motivation.

Yeah. A huge driver. Yeah, for sure. So you wind up. You want to play a bunch of sports? In middle school, high school, and then you want to go and do one. And you play that you play football? Correct.

I did play football. Yeah.

What position did you play?

Played defensive end.

defensive end? That's a fun one. Yeah. Yeah, right. With the Wink, wink behind the nerdy glasses is the best part of it.

So when you're in college, and you're successful, do you want athletes what what happens during that that time? is some point you are, you're starting to get recruited, you're trying to get looked at and stuff like that. And then the game shifts a little bit for you.

depends on who you are. So the thing about any type of mindset is when you go there, and a lot of people fail when they get into new environments, because it's the first time they've ever been there. When I got to college, it wasn't the first time I had been there. I had already been there in my mind. So nothing changed. In fact, one of the things I say to people even in college but in high school, we used to complain about workouts I'd be like, Don't you want to play in college don't want to be a pro. Do you think that a pro athlete or a college athlete would complain about this workout The answer is always No Then why are you you know that was always my mentality so you know cool story so I get I get to see me right in there's the where I start first workout we come in to what's called crucible week. Right like just think about what that means like our coaches are sick you know like, this is the week you die. Like it's called crucible we they make you do all these workouts so we come in and I'm when we're doing these workouts and we get to this particular one, and the goal is and and I'm I get the numbers wrong, but the story is still the same. The goal is to run 25 110 yard Sprint's, okay, you're gonna die. So they were gonna let the underclassmen so all the freshmen just probably run about 10 or 11. Okay, and then everybody else who has been conditioning for a while, they had to make the 25 and you got certain amount of time to complete it all. So we get to 11 or 12 then like our freshmen in college and go stretch, whatever, while we still continue to, you know, crucify the rest of the team. And I'm like, there's no way I'm gonna, I'm gonna turn it in why my team's running like, there's no way and the other freshmen are like, We're dying. And I'm like, No, I'm doing this like, Oh, you want to do this? And oh, yeah, my Yeah, like, let's go like I'm ready. Yeah. And there's probably about three or four other guys who join me. And then they muddled us and we ran the 25 sprints, and we ran the 25. Sprint's, but the problem was that the freshmen were running just as much as the upperclassmen. So then the upperclassmen got competitive said, Well, well, we're not finishing, we're not gonna let these freshmen outdo us. So then they ran more. I mean, typical scene like a movie thing. So then they run and then we're like, we're not quitting, and then we run it. And so we ended up doing 51 110 yard sprint.

Oh my god.

You gotta think the coaches are like, I mean, like, I was gonna say something inappropriate. But the coaches wasn't crazy. It was like, anyway, coaches are like, like, so happy. So excited, because this is like, every coach's dream that their players work this hard, right? And so we did it. And it was like this big Rob moment. we bonded, but like that was my mentality. So I came in and immediately elevated the team, as a freshman, where, you know, a lot of people some people's experience where they get in college, they realize, Hey, man, you were the best of the best in high school. And now you're kind of like the bottom of the best thing, you know, and I came in, I might not the best of the best. Yeah. And so that was my mentality.

That is that tenacity is incredible. Is that is that tenacity, something that? Is that something that you were Was that something your father passed on to you? Or was just life circumstances growing up the way that you did? Like, or, like, have you always kind of had that fire? Like, even when you were, I don't know, a little kid playing with like a toy race car was that like the fastest race car? Like, I mean, like, like, was that tenacity, something that is, like truly built into you or something that was learned?

It was something that was forced upon me. So learn, yes. But, um, yeah, I learned young that life wasn't fair just because I wanted it to be. And that made me angry. And so when I would get picked on or I remember being forced in situations where I would have to fight even though I didn't want to fight this these these situations that you're like, the only way for me to get out of this is to fight through it. And I kind of developed in you know, even even being poor like, after work harder to you know, I remember having a caddy job and I had all I had was a bike and had to ride it like across like, the entire town just to get to the golf course to you know, the hood is a lot far is very far away from the golf course. And so just stuff like that, and then being frustrated and even, even like. I don't know, man. I just felt like I was always having to fight harder for what I wanted out of life. You know, even in relationships, and so that developed this, this chip on my shoulder, that, that that's where that came from. So I learned it, man.

Yeah, yeah, that's Yeah, we grew up differently. One similarity I didn't expect to find though, is that we were both caddies. Now I mean, so money from the wealthy.

I would still do caddy. And when I did in high school was the best thing ever cuz I was. I was a high school star, whatever. So they love. Tiffany, Tiffany, Tiffany. I'm like, yeah, tip me. The easiest thing ever, I sit on your golf cart. I eat your food, drink your drink. And like, you just hit me more and more money. And the more you drink, the better I get. Like, this is awesome. I was happy now. Like, I liked it. It was really fun for me.

It was great. Shaking hands kissing babies. And yeah, and it's good money, too. I caddied. I grew up in New York and I carried out in the Hamptons now and it's it's good money. I mean, you also you also learn out some, some jerks for sure. And some people that they think the money made them, the way they act and treat you is different. But at the same time, you know, that check still cash whenever I went to the bank that cash still work to whenever I went to McDonald's. And so it is what it is. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So okay, so you have this crazy tenacity. And and you rile up the the team as as a first year as a first year student and, and then and then you had this football career, but then you hurt yourself? Yes. What what happened there something happened to your back. I don't know the story. I'm sorry.

They will, feelings are extremely crushed right now. But everybody knows. Freshman year, you know, so my coaches put me on pass rush packages, because I was fast as crap. And they could use me on third down. So they try to travel with the team. And then one particular workout, I'm trying to impress the upperclassmen with how strong I am still being competitive, and I'm squatting, and I come up, like kind of wrong, and I hurt something like how it can hurt. So I said it, you know, kind of shook it off, you know, don't don't let anybody see weakness. And I knew some I know I did something, but I didn't know the difference between being hurt and being injured. So I was just like, I'm tougher. I'll play through it. Long story short, I go this whole summer and one day, you know, lots of pain therapy, all this stuff. But one day, I look over in my left leg, I just slapped it and it was complete jello, like it was like, no muscle on my right leg was like rock hard muscle. And I was like, some snow, right? Like, and I saw I went and then they were like, boom, got an MRI, found I had a pinched nerve, my left leg was gonna actually go paralyzed. And so like, I had to have emergency surgery, or else my left leg was gonna be paralyzed. And so I had this surgery coaches were like, do like, you will honor your scholarship, you have a ticket to you know, come around the team whenever you want. And then obviously, you know, you still get a full ride scholarship. So it's like, ideal for you, man. And I'm like, No, sports is not what I do. Sports is who I am. So like, there's no way I'm not coming back. And so, you know, to to sum up a very long story I was supposed to take. I wasn't supposed to walk more than a mile. Within six months of my surgery. I was starting within six months of my surgery. So I had to beg the coaches let me play I signed a liability waiver so they weren't liable for my injury or death. And I was back on the field starting

just within six months of a severely print. Wow. I have had I've had a herniated disk a couple times like l four l five. And I've had the sciatic pain and I've had the numbness in my feet have had numbness and stuff like that. And first of all, back pain is no joke if you've never experienced it. I don't I don't recommend a 1010 and a 10 would not recommend to anybody. But that is insane, that I'm actually currently recovering from a herniated disc. And the doctor told me like yeah, you won't be fully recovered for at least six months now and I'm still doing PT and stuff like that and whatnot throughout. And I've been slowly been able to get back to my originally my regular this gradual program of life now, but that is insane that you were back. Not just not just practicing, but like playing started. Now. Yeah, that's crazy. What happened after that?

I, I broke myself like I just think this way. I started for two years. And I did so at a cost of my mental, physical, emotional, spiritual health. So I ended up getting addicted to opioids. I was going to chiropractic appointment, seven days a week physical therapy seven days a week, sometimes twice a day. I was doing epidural shots in my back, manipulating healthcare system, getting multiple epidural shots. I was gonna ask you puncture nerve killings, anything that I can do to continue to numb my pain, excuse me. Clearly my voice is going out. Anything I could do to continue to numb my pain to continue to play the game of football. And, you know, it worked for the most part started but like, man, I got addicted to opioids, I started selling drugs all throughout the state of Michigan, because that's how I pay for my medical expenses. So I had PPO insurance, which only accept certain amount of doctors Mount Pleasant in the middle of nowhere. And so I couldn't find a doctor that was set by insurance within driving distance of the university. So I just paid out of pocket. So yeah, so I'm doing all of this and I start to develop this addiction to this drugs. You know, anytime you need, you use drugs to numb pain or feeling or sensation for other stuff that you're dealing with. You know, it's an addiction. I didn't know it, then I know now. And so I was taking these so many opioid pills that they were thinning my blood to the point where every time I made contact on the field, my nose would bleed. And coaches saw that, like, oh, man, this guy's having nosebleeds. He's got lead practices, getting those plugs, like what's going on? And then, um, you know, I'm just like, oh, man, I don't know, cause allergies, allergies, you know, I don't know, man allergies, or wherever. And so, after a while, I realized it wasn't allergies, you know, like, this guy's doing something that we don't know about. And, and I was, it was starting to get like, like, I can always push through and perform. But my performance was kind of starting to sink. You could tell something was wrong. You could literally see from the film, I'm running, and I'm limping. But I'm just so I'm just so freaking talented. It's like, live all the way you want make the play. And so you start to see it. And they're like, Man, you know, we can watch this happen, man, we gotta let this guy go. So they kind of stopped playing me towards the end of my junior season. Like, you know, I got less and less time and I'm frustrated, like, put me in coach. And then finally, at the end of that season, they told me like, man, we can't let you play on man, we try to let you finish out the season, just you know. And I got pissed. I felt like they quit on me. I felt like, you know, they weren't, they weren't doing all that they could. I stormed out probably flip the word table or something like a super page. And then I started to go through this depression. Like, what do I do now? You know, like, like, could I be good at something else? I'm successful. I Anything else? Like Yeah, probably. But I don't want anything else. I want this. This is what I was created for. This is this is my natural gifts. This is my talent. You know, people would be like, well, you're a leader, you're great at sales. I'm like, like, I don't love that. Like, I love this sport. I want to do this. And so you know, I still try it. And I was gonna prove them wrong. And I was just gonna show up at the combine and like, blow everybody out the water. And like, I was jacked. Like, I mean, I remember like, trying to work out and like having spasms. You know, one of my teammates, you know, caught me trying to work out in the gym, he had to carry me to the hospital. Like this whole thing was like wrestling and then all while it's going on, I'm like getting more and more suicidal. Like, I'm thinking about like quitting if like, if this is gonna be my life, I don't want to live this, my future is gonna be unfulfilling. Right? And for me, it was that I lost sports for people watching or listening. It could be anything. It could be a girlfriend, you lost, it could be a sales quota that you're not meeting. It could be whatever is just causing you pressure, pain in life. And I had that, that thought that this isn't my future isn't fulfilling. So I might as well not live out that unfulfillment and started making all these micro attempts. I say microchips but you know, all attempts are serious. suicide. And so you know, started mixing pills with alcohol. I would pick the whole fifth hoping in a car accident. We'll get it all and, you know, kind of went from there. Let me pause and let you chime in before I get into story mode.

Now you. Brother, I was in it. And yeah, so no worries, no need to pause. I guess, to keep the story going. One question that I had is. So at this point, you are still now you're out of college, are you still you're still addicted to the opioids at this point as well, while you're doing all this correct?

Yeah, for me, this is my foot. So research will will show you that addiction is an allergy. And so I'm not trying to minimize people who actually know what they're talking about. But my philosophy is that addiction oftentimes is a symptom. It's never the source. So while people might say I'm an addict, typically what I find is you're really not an addict. You're really very wounded. Like you're really abandoned. You're really a victim of trauma. So Like, buy, don't just abstain from drugs. forgive the person who hurt you, you know what I'm saying? So there's a different strategy, but depending upon the label that you call that you label yourself with. So for me, like, yeah, I'm still quote unquote, addicted. But more than that I'm insecure, unfulfilled. And I have a lot of self hatred. Okay. And so that's what was going on. At the same time I had my like, my saving grace during that time was this girl that I was dating. Her and I were dating for four and a half years. She's my high school sweetheart. I mean, all the little cute stuff you do as couples we did. We picked out kids name, wrote my last name, and cursive next to her first name. We did all that cute stuff. And in the middle of this, one day, I'm sitting in a car. And I'm like, I'm really contemplating suicide and I pick up the phone and I call him like, yo, baby, where are you at? Like, I really need help. I come be with me like, I need you. And she's like, you know, it's okay. It's okay. Darrell, like, you're gonna be all right. And like, she's talking to me like, I'm a kid. I'm like, What is she always calls me, babe. Well, I hang up the phone, I'm pissed. I started calling around Yo, what's up what's up with her where she was at bla bla bla, bla come to find out, she had left me and got engaged to another man. Whoa, this validated my insecurity that who I was, wasn't enough to be liked or loved by others, and that people only liked me and loved me because of my athletic career. Okay, and so that was it for me like that was when I really started. So I started, I tried to starve myself to death, I went from 275 pounds to 219 pounds in four weeks. And I sat in a blue dodge Stratus with tears running down my face. And I wrote my suicide letter, saying goodbye to everyone I love. This was the day that I was going to do it for real for real. I was drinking a fifth alcohol, while smoking in blind. And I finished all that stuff. And while I'm high out of my mind, I grabbed my steering wheel and I start flooring it hitting 75 miles per hour, down on down a 35 mile per hour road. And I'm racing in this is it I'm gonna, My plan is to drive off of this bridge onto an intersecting highway and end it all, in the middle of me doing this. Don't know how to this day, my mother calls me. And she had a mother's intuition. And she said, I don't know what's going on with you, baby. I don't know where you are. But I just like she's crying. She's like, I need you to come be with me. I want to get you help. Wow. And my mother convinced me to come see her. And then she admitted me into the psychiatric care unit.

And that's where my wife changed. Wow. Shout out to mom. Yeah, yeah, you're right. This and that's some serious mother's intuition.

Yeah, right. In that moment, the crazy part of it was my phone was on silent. So I just seen it light up. At first I thought it was the girl. So I flipped over. I saw his mom. And then I just, you know, I had swiped it open. And she said that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow, brother, that is, first of all, thank you, adera, for sharing this story on here. Now, I know you shared a lot. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's easy. And so I appreciate you sharing it for sure. And why what a powerful series of events? And well, you know, we've had a number of things that struck me one thing that you said, was that it's not after she left you that that confirmed all of your insecurities. That indeed, that people only liked you for your athletic abilities, because you were the star of the show, that that hit me particularly deep, because that's something I've often thought like, people only think that I'm funny. And, and that's all they care about me they don't that's all they know about me. And so they want to know about me. And a lot of my insecurities come from, from some of those kinds of things. And just like that narrative, like people only care about me because x that's something that I know resonated with me in that moment.

it's the crutch of the gifted. And in my life, we can't say all all that we want. Every, you know, there's a reason why in high school, they vote who's the most likely to succeed, you know, like, I've got three children, they're all they all have equal love for me, but they don't all have equal talent. You know, everyone knows it. And so I'm talking like, when I talk about extremely gifted, I'm not saying one person that has gifts and and the other person does it. What I'm saying is There is a level of talent like Whitney Houston, who can sing like Whitney Houston, there's, there's a lot of people who are gifted to Sema, not like Whitney, you know, or insert your favorite singer, you know. And so there are levels to talent. And, and when you're really gifted, the crutch of the gifted is, is that it's hard to know who likes you for you, and who likes you for your gift. It is hard to detect it. And some people are good at faking it. And then you're like, no, because you're so desperate for love. And then you let him in. And then you find out like, oh, man, they really, they really weren't for me. They just like my gift. They like for, like, the way that I make them laugh. They like me to entertain. For me, it was sports. For somebody else watching, it might be whatever. And man, that is a very lonely place to be. And I was desperately looking for somebody who loves me for me. And yeah, my family did. But in my mind, they were supposed to it was out of obligation, not out of uniqueness for me. You know, like dad loves me, because I'm his son. Mom loves me because I'm her son. But like not because I'm cool or not because I'm funny or not, because I'm, like, cool that like a great person to hang around. But literally just because I'm obligated. Yeah. You know, and so, yeah, there's a lot going on there, man. But that's how I felt.

Yeah, I've often I've often I think I've had this on here before. But I've often said that I I've had a number of especially when I was in high school and middle school, I can think of this. And it's happened since then, too. But I have these vivid dreams of my funeral happening. And they're not being anybody there except my parents who like had to show up. Right? Even my brother's like there for a little bit, and then they bounce. Right. And it is. Yeah, I think the way that you put it like the extremely gifted, they're, they're isolated in that and how do they know who's being authentic? Who cares about their heart? Who cares about their accolades?

Hey, you want to know a really cool cure for this?

Great. Yep.

Alright, so watch this. Here's, I'll tell you what we think the curious, I'll tell you what I what I want you to cure. I need a better word of the month, that doesn't make it seem like it's the only thing that works. It's, it's a cure, not the cure. There we go. And so we tend to think that it is other people's responsibility. Right. So in other words, Darrell thought that somebody need to stop asking me about sports then asked me about zero. Right? So I had a lot of anger at people who just wanted to say, Hey, man, you know, what was it like to play with Antonio Brown, instead of like, how's your life and family doing? What I actually learned is that that wasn't the cure, that the cure was actually for me to be more vulnerable.

Mm hmm.

About to get good, now,

tell me more about that.

vulnerability, my friend is like a Batman signal for love. We all have a need to be desperately loved and accepted by other people. But we cannot be fully loved unless we are fully known. And vulnerability is the pathway to do that. Give you an example. What I desperately wanted was somebody to love me. For me what I desperately wanted was somebody to reach out and, and rat me in their arms and care about all the pain I was going through. The problem is that when I posted on social media, when I talked to people, I was just kind of going through it that I wasn't being vulnerable enough to attract a strong love signal. So the way that somebody responds to I'm just going through it I'm feeling down I'm having a bad day is way different than the way that somebody responds to I don't know, if I would be fulfilled again in life. I really don't feel like being here anymore. way different love response. And I wanted that love, but I wasn't sending that signal.

This is good. I wish I would have known this. Because I'm sitting here beating myself up and telling and mad at the world because they're not loving me, right? Not realizing that I'm not attracting and I'm not sending out the wrong side, I'm on the road. I want I want, I'm on the wrong radio station. I'm tuning into the wrong channel. And so when I started to be more vulnerable, I started to experience my love. And I'm not talking about trauma dumping. I'm talking about being honest. And just allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough so people can love you. You know, even and this is hard, just a tip more moreso for men than it is for women. But anyone who has built a shell around their trauma, it's very hard for them to communicate how they actually feel because trauma makes you feel as if your feelings don't matter. Right. And so my response to everything James was was saying Anger, right? That's how I you know, I, if you if you if you said something to me, I'm just gonna get mad. I was mad at the world mad at myself mad at everybody. I didn't know how to say anything else. Even in my marriage, like first year marriage, all I knew was anger. Everything was anger. You know, like my wife, like me didn't really I angry, you know, like she said she didn't want to go to this city and I want to go that city like anger, when in reality, I had other emotions that I just didn't know how to describe, because I had been oppressed and suppressed so much for so long. So I'll tell you what was more vulnerable and saying, Hey, man, leave me alone, sweetie. more vulnerable says, Hey, you know what, the other day when you? You know, kind of cut me off while I was talking. That hurt my feelings. Yeah, that made me not feel valuable. It is just me saying that now it's like, it's so much easier to do the less vulnerable thing. Yeah. But when I opened myself up, and I'm vulnerable, and guess what happens? It's not a fight. Because I'm not sending a fight signal out. It's a call for love. And it actually makes life better in our relationships more intimate. So if you're there and you're lonely, try being more vulnerable. What do you mean, I'm feeling down depressed, so I'm gonna be more vulnerable. Exactly. Be more vulnerable, because being angry is only going to attract an anger response. I rest my case.

Thank you all for tuning into Darryll's third TED Talk. excited to have him here. Vulnerability is the special sauce for sure. Right? Because I think like you were just saying anger begets anger. Yeah, vulnerability begets vulnerability, and is extremely powerful. For some reason. In our society, we've determined that vulnerability is a weakness, but a vulnerability is such a weakness. And why is it so damn hard? Right? Right, it is easier to not ask for help than it is to ask for help. But it's easier to avoid and compartmentalize than it is to own and confront. vulnerability, in fact, takes a ton of courage. And in those moments, like you were describing, there are those moments that you don't feel courageous, you don't think you deserve to be courageous, or anything like that is the exact moment when you need to turn it on. Now, that's the exact moment. And that's, that is so hard to do. It's very easy for us to sit here and tell everybody to do that. It is way harder to do it in the moment. And you know that more than anybody based on the stories that you're just sharing, and so, but that vulnerability is, is incredibly powerful. And and I love that you brought it up that you know, it's a little bit harder for men. For sure. I think men are taught to be internal processors. It's not that men are taught not to feel it's that they're taught to figure it out before they tell anybody about it. Right? That I think that is what is hurting men a lot.

Yeah, even to a Buddha pose.

I was trying to I was I was trying to take your from men to me to see if I was taught not to feel huh.

Yeah, I probably was. You think you were taught not to feel not to show emotions? Yeah, that is possible. Especially the way especially the way you may grow up kind of that idea of don't let you know, don't let anybody see that. They got to kind of mentality.

Yeah, I mean, even in it's so funny. I just had a moment. I just had a moment about parenting, but yeah, cuz I don't know how you were raised. But anytime I want to cry or want to, you know, it's like sobbing a cry baby. Like, this is not a reason to cry. Like, there was never like, why are you crying? It was just like, whatever it is, is not. It's not rational. You know, and if your feelings were hurt, it had to be for a justified reason. Which there is an element of that. That is important. Like, you know, don't be a crybaby, but at the same time, why not? Why not? So,

what was the parenting moment that happened to you? I'm curious.

You know, it's so funny. I talk about this sometimes. And I'm like, dude, at the end of the day, like my parents were great people. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? But we all all of us have mistakes. So it sounds a little bit more traumatic than what it actually is. Or, like, I don't want you to think that my parents were just terrible because they weren't, but my mom had me. Alright, so let me just be vulnerable for a second, okay. My mom had me when she was in high school, a year after she had my brother who passed away. So I grew up thinking that I was second option, but the only reason why they had me is because they felt that my brother didn't one. Okay, so I came in feeling rejected. At the same time, when my mom had me, she was a senior in high school dad was a freshman in college, that wasn't really as present as he could be, because distance and he was a college. And then he was so busy with athletics, he didn't give me a lot of time, he got hurt. And then, because he never paid child support in college, he owed a lot of back child support. So my dad first started, like, having me stay at his house, in large part, because he didn't want to pay as much child support. Which felt like, I felt like I was an inconvenience. Because for Mom, mom could never afford me and dad didn't want to afford. So the whole time I'm sitting here like, nobody wants me, I'm an inconvenience. And so so that that happened, and then anytime I will complain to to mom, about Mom, mom won't complain about dad. And then everybody was it was a blame on everybody. And I never had the chance to voice my opinion, because mom blamed everything on dad and dad blame everything on mom. And I like things about both of them. And I didn't like things about either of them. And so like I can, I didn't have any place to say, Mom, here's my issue with you. Because she would just bring up dad and I couldn't say dad, here's my issue with you, because he would just blame it on mom. Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible. Okay, so I stayed on a lot with grandma. And then in high school, I just like I stayed with that. But I like I lived on the road, I stayed at people's house, I was like never home. Because I was wrong. I didn't feel wanted. So my point is how I felt about that situation was never taken an equation. It was always a custody battle. It was always about money. It was never about what Darrow wanted. And I developed this subconscious belief that what I wanted, wasn't in convenience. Right? So take that into business and sales. As a as an entrepreneur now and a speaker, that stuff was getting in the way of my growth in my abundance. Right. So even charging prices to my clients, I remember when I was I was charging, like crap, low prices, thinking it was a good thing. But when I looked at my subconscious belief that was driving my behavior, what I recognize is I thought that what I really wanted and what I really deserved to charge was an inconvenience to other people. Yeah. So again, I gotta get that out of there, man, you know, so if you've ever had trouble, like raising your prices, you probably have some deeper subconscious belief that you're not worth it. More that if you are you asking for it is an inconvenience to other people. That's a bad sales psychology to have, Hey, can I sell you something that's inconvenience to you? Like, no one really wants to do that as a good person. Yeah. So I had to break up that belief in No, like no, like, selling at its highest form is actually serving. Right and me asking for what I feel I'm valued at is not an inconvenience to other people. It's just the value of it. And so I had to get rid of that negative energy in my in my space to really start showing up. And the same way with speaking by the way, even now, I'm able to kind of like tell this story own this space. There was a time where I wouldn't say hardly any of this not because I was afraid to because I felt like it was an inconvenience. You ever hear people talk and say I'm so sorry, that took so long. Now granted, sometimes it's true. It was a terrible story. Some people interesting, helpful, funny, entertaining stuff. No one is inconvenienced by that they're like, give me more. And and to own that space is a worthiness issue.

And I'm telling you, this is where our personal development industry is headed. All these people are trying to avoid this mental health conversation, this love conversation, this vulnerable conversation. I'm telling you can't run from this curve for much longer people are peak coaches are realizing that they can have the best strategy. But if a person's mindset isn't there, their worth isn't there. It doesn't matter what you teach them. You always default back to the lowest level of your thinking. And so all this subconscious work and all this vulnerable stuff is getting infused into the personal development industry. And so like, you can't run from this, it's gonna be in your sales training. It's gonna be like the core of your job. They might even have you take a mental health examination as part of your organizational culture, how would that be? I want when athletes get physical examination for that in mental health examination to Hey, we keep drug screening people. How about we mental health screen people? Hey, I'll take a former inmate who passed the mental health test. Before I'll take you know somebody who's never done anything wrong, but can't handle conflict? Well, because it touches on the point of their trauma. Yeah, I rest my case. He got me warmed up, James.

I'm good. I'm glad we're good. We know we're gonna get here. I gotta go get some coffee after that. That is like a serious thing. I'm not joking. Oh, yeah, no, I didn't think you were joking sound a very theory, that's probably the most serious point in this con. This guy actually is probably hibachi. I think it's gotten very goofy since then. The the fact that you're talking about self worth, and that coaches need to talk about self worth and what not all these, all these tools, all these tips, all these seven ways to get to blank, blank and blank are all crap. Until we talk about self worth, I could not be any more agreement with. And you know, it's kind of like, you know, it's where do you fall on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And if you are still down there needing safety and security, then you're always going to resort back to pricing yourself at a place where people won't say no, and you'll be able to get some money in the door kind of thing, right? It's something I struggle with. For sure. I one of my fears in life is that I'm a burden to other individuals. And so when I engage in sales, almost an award, I've worked a lot on this, but I almost like start with an apology, right? Like, Hey, I'm sorry. But you know, we got to talk about money. Now. I know. It's weird. I'm really sorry. It's uncomfortable, right? And then and I would start the sales conversation, say sales portion of the conversation with an apology. Yeah, and so I completely agree with you.

I hate it. And I until I just I mean, I just told you, I did the same thing for so many, so many. And even in speaking, I will start out my speech apologizing for everything. Like, oh, and then making excuses. You know, like, like, Oh, I'm not, I don't really like to speak in front of people. Sorry. You know, like, sorry, sorry. And I want to start out with all Hey, guys, I know you can really listen to me speak, but I don't really like this or, you know, it was a so much insecurity, man, oh my gosh, like, ah, and it's life is so much better without it. And there's still areas that I'm working through. So, so sometimes it's like a wall that you chip at. But other times it is something that can be completely removed. And there are things that take bigger chunks out of the wall than others. Right. And it just depends on who you are. Now, I think experiences is one of the fastest way. So there's people that Okay, so I started my how you get rid of the fear of public speaking, right? And, and there's a bunch of mindset stuff like I'm worthy. My voice matters, like, all this stuff that helps, right, like declarations, affirmations, meditations, all that stuff works. For me, for me, it was like chipping at a big giant wall with a knife. Like it was always getting better, but I had to keep doing and keep doing it still struggling. I tell you what jackhammer, the wall will jackhammer the wall was was was two things. Number one, I was I was really struggling. And I reached out to a friend named Jonathan Joseph's. And I said, Man, here's how I feel. I feel all these amazing speakers that I get to speak with. And I feel like, like, I'm just the follow up that like, I'm like, nobody listened to this guy. They're just waiting for the real speaker, or, you know, or if I came after it, I just like, it was like energy level 10. And she loved it. And which, honestly, sometimes was really the case. But But he said to me, he said, That's because I knew he he I saw him speak in a lineup after a great communicator. And I say, how'd you handle that? You know, he said, Daryl, I used to struggle with that. He said, but then I realized something. My goal is not to be impressive. My goal is to be helpful. Hmm. And when I tried to impress, in my mind, I'm not so sure I can do But when I tried to be helpful, I'm pretty sure I can help people. And the way he said that, like, cuz if you were to quiz me and say, Dude, why don't you speak I say to make an impact in the lives of other people. But when I actually spoke, I was up there to impress. So I was trying to get something rather than to give. I was trying to get affirmation, get get validation, rather than give it. Okay, and so when I got up there, and I said, Man, instead of me thinking about how do I say this? How do I impress I don't use rhetoric. What if I just say, Daryl, do you have something helpful to say? Yeah, you do. And it was like a jackhammer, like, boom, big chunk of the wall, gone. The other thing is an actual experience, experience hands on, right speaking, making impact. So I went out there and one day, I had did this youth conference, and there's about 20 or so there's like the youth conference have like 150 200 people there. But there's like 20 or so people that wait in line to say, Thank you, sir, for doing a great job, whatever the impact, and weigh at the end of the line, very last goal. I chose this 14 year old girl she's frail, she's got on their soccer clothes. It was a soccer camp. And she comes up to me and she feels She's shaking. And she's like, Daryl, I just wanna say, thank you so much for your speech. It means so much to me. And I'm like, Yeah, yeah, you're walking me. And I'm like, I'm tired. Like, you know, but I read like this girl's bot to like, break down like, Oh, no. And she says, My parents, sorry. She says my parents dropped me off last year at the orphanage. And they said they didn't want me anymore. And she said, I've been cutting myself. If she pulls up this wristband, you can see the cuts on my wrist to deal with the pain. Because I felt like whatever I did, I deserve to be in pain. And she said, I never have told anyone about this. But it was something about hearing your story today. They gave me the strength to be vulnerable about my struggle to jackhammer crushed the wall, I wrapped this girl like in my arms, I cry like a baby. The great The best part of the story is there was a counselor, not counselor like camp counselor, so like staff that was part of Operation Christmas Child, she had been a 14 different orphanages in her life. She was able to like spend two hours with this young girl, but I'm telling you that young girl like I don't remember her name, she changed my life. Because that was a that was like any like the if the wall was half up, almost said erected it's over where the wall was half built. After that, that first jackhammer being helpful. This destroyed it. And now there was like, crumbles like, and I'm like, Man, this is what it's about. This is not just a thought of like, Okay, dear, oh, remind yourself to be helpful. Remind yourself to be helpful. This is an experience that shows you are and I'm telling you, it changes. So when you start breaking these subconscious beliefs, you have to get out there and create experiences that validate the truth that you know that you're rewiring your mind. Okay, in the sales conversation charge what you're worth James and when you do it and somebody pays you for it, and then watch this. Thank you for paying you more. It's like it's gone. It's gone. You can only do so much declaration send me a check. All right, I'm done.

Darryll, that story? I mean, yeah, I got welled up over here myself. That is a what a what a moment that you were able to create to spark the vulnerability of this beautiful young girl who I don't know. It's funny also how sometimes the people who change our lives the most we can't we don't even know their names. They're just they're the right person right time right message. Not that he was even, you know, necessarily for you in that moment. Right. But you can't it's it is it is outrageous. Now, I mean, I also I love something that you said that you said your speaker but he said to you, that really resonates with me in a way that I now need to reflect deeper on is it's my my goal is not to be impressive. It's my goal to be helpful. And I think as I'm sitting here chewing on that not liking how it tastes at all thank you. But I wash it down with a mochi later. Okay. Double yum yum I'm back in the building, get your dollars out.

I there are times where like I so desperately want to be seen as wise or as intelligent now and so much so that it gets in the way of whether or not I made an impact or was helpful or was anything, right? It's like, yeah, cool. I helped you. I know I can do that. It's almost like when somebody tells me I'm funny, I'm like, Yeah, Yeah, I know. I'm funny. But like, aren't I also a good listener? Aren't I also this right? It's like, Yeah, I was helpful, but like, aren't I also like, deeply wise and intelligent? Right. It's so our, our inability, my inability to just appreciate the gifts that we have and the opportunities that we can create for folks. That is something is something that often I don't enjoy and sit in the moment of, because I'm chasing something else. Yeah. And it caused me to miss that moment. So here's, I got two more questions for you. One is that, you know, we talked about the tenacity earlier and where that tenacity came from. Have you refound that tenacity? Did it go anywhere, for entrepreneurship for the help that you now do in the mental health space? And the coaching? And the speaking like, Is that is that tenacity still alive? And well? And how does it show up?

I think, yeah, I'm still a pretty hard worker and competitive and like, if you To this day, you know, if you if you really want to see some of my best, like, tell me I can't. So so there's, there's definitely an element of that. But I honestly think that love is a greater motivator than fear. And more potent. Then my work ethic or driven this that came from oppression is now my driven this that is motivated and fueled by love. And it's almost the the example of the the mom, or the grandma, who can lift the weight of a car because it's on the leg of her grandchild. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's kind of like, you know, when I think about that girl that made an impact in my life, when I think about people who are suffering, who if they just knew one thing that I knew or learned along the way, that that that pulls out a lion in me. That's ready to war.

Yeah, let's get to work. Yeah, I love that. I love the Darrell, who's the last thing that I want to talk to you about? This is a much lighter question. But you had you had a book that came out, you know, in late in late 2020. And I'm excited. I just had just picked up a copy of it. It's on it's on the way I didn't I didn't know you when the book came out. So I can't be held accountable for what happened before I knew. Tony Dungy didn't send me my copy. So. But can you tell us a little bit about about your book? Who am I after sports, the other people can get it?

Yeah. So who am I after sports and athletes roadmap to discover new purpose and lift for field is for anyone who is in transition, and trying to figure out how to fall in love with their future more than they weren't in love with their past. So if you've been through a divorce, and you're trying to figure out if you can ever find love again, if you are a former military veteran, if you got laid off during the pandemic, if you are an executive who was working at your company for 40 years, and you're retired, trying to figure out if your future will be more fulfilling in your past, this book is going to help you. The examples I use the stories I tell is about athletes, and that's because that is my experience. But the principles are transferable to where you're at. It's the reason why someone like jack Canfield who never really played sports endorsed the book, because he believes in that material. So the way that the book is laid out, is it is my it starts with my story of when I when I was in the psychiatric unit, some of that you heard and then I say what happened is, you know, that I tried to take my life. The core of the book is the transition roadmap. And it is first except this is about how do you really get over your grief. The second is belief. It's all about mindset, if you don't believe you will not achieve Okay, the third is discovery it's probably people's favorite chapter is 22 or more purpose discovery questions that help you find your highest most unique purpose. So it's based upon research that I did for three to five years on like everything on purpose meaning identity. So except believe discover the fourth is pursued this is all like the success habit stuff. The goal setting the the habits that helped me to become an elite athlete is what helped me to be successful. My life beyond sports. Helps anyone to be successful in whatever endeavor that they choose. Okay, so we got to accept believe, discover pursuit. And then the last step is persist. It's all mental health. This is so you don't burn out on the altar of success, okay? And so it's all about disciplines, habits, routines that help you with your mental health, make sure that you're good while you go and live out your life. And then the last chapter I say, is what really happened. And I tell the more full story of what happened in that psychiatric unit, you get to hear a little bit more about that. So if you want to get the book, head over to Dale Stinson comm you can, there's a place where you can buy it there. Reach out to me on social, I'll be happy to send you a link, I'm actually giving it away for free now. So sorry that you bought it. It's like 12 bucks or something plus shipping. But I do have a free plus shipping option now that you thankful some smart people came up, figured out how to do that for me. And so now you go to life after sports, book.com life after sports book, calm, and then you get the book for free. You gotta pay for shipping. But it's just standard shipping rates. And, and literally, it's not like 1599 like it's literally free. So go for it.

That's awesome. I love it. And I also love I always love whenever I asked somebody about their book or about something that they got coming up. That is successful as you are, Darrell because the switch flips and the pitch starts and the converse of the tone is it's locked brother and it's it's amazing, because and i don't i don't i don't say that to knock you. I say that, to admire the proficiency at which you spoke about it. And

yeah, man, it's just awesome. Right? You can tell it's something you deeply care about, deeply care about. And it's something that I recognize that people's lives are sometimes people's lives being changed are dependent upon the way that I communicate about it. So the switch flips because now I'm motivated, motivated by what? The way people care about it. Oh, no, come on, motivated. It's not fear. It's what? Love Love. I'm motivated by love now. And so love compels me to share it in a way that's concise because I recognize that the brain will gravitate towards simplicity. So if I run off for too long, I don't give you stopper points like I did, then you won't get something that could potentially change your life. Right? So that's why I do it.

I love it. sales. Sales was beautiful brother. It's beautiful. Darrell, I'm so pumped that we got to kick it here in the diner. I can't wait to see on your social media your what's going on with your hibachi run later. I want to know all about it. And thank you so much. I'm grateful that this little weird app of clubhouse brought us together with the speaking world will keep us together and I look forward to seeing you on the road man.

Likewise, man, keep keep crushing it Merle, appreciate it.