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Reflections of Motherhood and Building Forward with Guest Kelly Bermingham
Episode 3316th March 2022 • The 6570 Family Project • Nellie Harden
00:00:00 00:39:57

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In this episode, Nellie and Kelly travel through parenthood in a rear-view mirror.  Kelly has already raised her son now and realized there were some things she would have done differently if she were to do it again.  She has turned this into a passion for moms in helping them destress, build healthy boundaries, and show up as their authentic selves.  In this discussion, we talk about giving your child room to explore, fail and learn and how they are the groundwork for what is to come in life.

About the Guest: 

Kelly is an entrepreneur and founder of The Motherhood, a mentorship program for moms, and the creator of The Stressed Mom's System for Creating More Joy. She lives in Spokane, Washington with her husband, Tom. Having raised her son, Kelly is on a mission to help busy working moms create simple systems so they can stress less and enjoy the journey more. Through her life experience and journey, which she's still on, she's developed a passion for helping women raise good humans while maintaining their own sanity through mindfulness, grace, and confidence. She helps women step into their own beauty and shine as their authentic selves. She is a wife, mom to one grown son, and currently adjusting to parenting her parents through multigenerational living in her new hometown of Spokane Valley WA. Through her own education and over twenty years working in the education system, she's discovered the power of listening to your own intuition and being authentically YOU!

I have 22 years of experience in supporting Career & College Readiness and Career & Technical Education in the public education sector. I have a lot of information and tips for parents when it comes to their child's education and building strong leaders. I am a bronze leadership achiever in Toastmasters International and also lead a team of women in my side gig of direct sales.

About the Host: 

Nellie Harden is a wife of 20+ years, mom to 4 teen/tween daughters, dreamer, adventurer, servant, multipreneur, forever student, and a devoted teacher, but her ride-or-die passion is her work as a Family Life Coach & Mentor.  

Coming from a career background in marine mammal sciences, behavioral work, and a host of big life experiences, both great and not some not so great, she decided that designing a life of purpose and freedom was how she and her husband, along with their 4 daughters, wanted to live.  

Her work and passions exist in the realms of family and parent mentorship because she believes that a family filled with creativity, fun, laughter, challenge, adventure, problem-solving, hugs, good food, and learning can not only change a person’s life but is the best chance at positively changing the world. 

 She helps families build Self-Led Discipline™ & Leadership Into their homes, set their children up for a wildly successful life on their terms, and elevates the family experience with big joy, palpable peace, and everyday growth!

 With a lifelong passion and curiosity in thought, choice, behavior, and growth she has found incredible joy in helping families shift perspective, find answers, and a path forward.


(Nellie has been coaching families for over 10 years and has degrees in Biology, Animal Behavior, and Psychology. )  

 

LINKS:

6570 Family Challenge- https://www.nellieharden.com/challenge

Website- https://www.nellieharden.com

Online Community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/the6570project

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/nellieharden/    

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/nellie.harden/


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Transcripts

Nellie Harden:

Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project

Nellie Harden:

podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the

Nellie Harden:

way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground

Nellie Harden:

for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,

Nellie Harden:

strength and joy. Come in here all the discussions, get all the

Nellie Harden:

tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into

Nellie Harden:

the real challenges in raising kids today how to show up as

Nellie Harden:

parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the

Nellie Harden:

family and individuals of the world. My name is Mellie Hardin,

Nellie Harden:

big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front

Nellie Harden:

porch mama who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and

Nellie Harden:

minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline

Nellie Harden:

and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the

Nellie Harden:

kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their

Nellie Harden:

life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570

Nellie Harden:

family project. Let's go Hello, everyone. Welcome back to

Nellie Harden:

another episode of the 6570 family project podcast. I have a

Nellie Harden:

very special guest on here today Kelly Birmingham. It's so funny

Nellie Harden:

I had a cousin growing up and it was the Kelly and Nelly show we

Nellie Harden:

would always talk about and then I had a I had another friend in

Nellie Harden:

my adulthood named Shelly and it was the Shelly and Millie show.

Nellie Harden:

So anyway, it was just kind of fun interviewing Kelly. today

Nellie Harden:

for you guys. Kelly is an entrepreneur and founder of the

Nellie Harden:

motherhood you guys. She it is a mentorship program for moms. And

Nellie Harden:

she's the creator of the stress mom's system for creating more

Nellie Harden:

joy. She lives in Spokane, Washington with her husband,

Nellie Harden:

Tom, and they've already raised their son. And now she is on a

Nellie Harden:

mission to help busy working moms create simple systems so

Nellie Harden:

that they can get this stress less and enjoy the journey more

Nellie Harden:

who does not want that, right. So through her life experience

Nellie Harden:

and journey, which she is definitely still on aren't we

Nellie Harden:

all, she has developed a passion for helping moms raise raise

Nellie Harden:

good humans while maintaining their own sanity, through

Nellie Harden:

mindfulness, grace and confidence. And she helps women

Nellie Harden:

step into their own beauty and shine as their authentic selves.

Nellie Harden:

So through her own education, and over 20 years of working in

Nellie Harden:

the educational system, she has discovered the power of

Nellie Harden:

listening to your own intuition and being authentically you.

Nellie Harden:

Let's dive into this conversation because there's

Nellie Harden:

some really rich material in here, from a reflection on a

Nellie Harden:

motherhood, at least the 6570 part of motherhood, the high

Nellie Harden:

influence High Impact Zone, gone by right she's almost as she

Nellie Harden:

says twice the 6570 now, and what she has realized from her

Nellie Harden:

time within that 6570 And how she has turned that around on a

Nellie Harden:

mission today. So let's go ahead and welcome Kelly and get

Nellie Harden:

started. Alright, everyone, welcome back to another episode

Nellie Harden:

of the 6570 family project podcast. You guys I am so

Nellie Harden:

excited today. I've already told you a little bit about Kelly,

Nellie Harden:

and all of the things that she has done and brought to the

Nellie Harden:

table and her wisdom and her caring. And I can't wait to

Nellie Harden:

start this conversation with you. So first of all, welcome to

Nellie Harden:

the show, Kelly.

Kelly Bermingham:

Well, thank you for having me knowing I'm

Kelly Bermingham:

super excited to be here today.

Nellie Harden:

Oh, you're so welcome. You know, it's so

Nellie Harden:

funny. It just occurred to me after I said your name. My

Nellie Harden:

cousin growing up her name was Kelly and and I had a really

Nellie Harden:

close friend a few years ago also named Kelly. And so it was

Nellie Harden:

always the Kelly and Mellie show. And it was just kind of

Nellie Harden:

funny. I was like Oh, another Kelly. So yeah, Kelly and

Nellie Harden:

Nellie, coming at you today all about family and moms. So I'm

Nellie Harden:

excited to get this conversation going. And I think it's so

Nellie Harden:

important for people that are listening, and I can't wait to

Nellie Harden:

hear to how you are obviously a leader in motherhood and family

Nellie Harden:

and helping moms really produce those simple systems so they can

Nellie Harden:

stress less and enjoy the journey more, which is really

Nellie Harden:

the name of the game some days. And I want to know, how did this

Nellie Harden:

all come to be in your life? How did you get to this point that

Nellie Harden:

you are a leader in this space?

Unknown:

It's a great question. First of all, I just want every

Unknown:

woman to know that a leader is someone who has influence. And

Unknown:

so as a mom, I mean, what greater influence do you have?

Unknown:

And so we're all leaders, first of all, yeah. But I had one son,

Unknown:

and my husband and I were just very involved in His life wanted

Unknown:

him to have the best possible childhood he could. And you walk

Unknown:

through that journey, there's no manual, you know, you do the

Unknown:

best you can. And I just always had that sense that I was meant

Unknown:

to be a mom. But then they tell you get involved in your child's

Unknown:

life. But nobody prepares you for what happens once they

Unknown:

leave. And so I kept searching for like, what's next? What am I

Unknown:

supposed to do, and I was working full time, very

Unknown:

successful, I was a leader in my side gig. But I just kept felt

Unknown:

feeling like there was something missing. And you can only

Unknown:

mother, your husband so much before he gets tired of it. But

Unknown:

I was fortunate that I did work in education, I worked in career

Unknown:

in technical education and career and college readiness.

Unknown:

And so I worked with a very close knit group of staff

Unknown:

probably around like 40 to 50. And so I've mothered them for

Unknown:

quite a few years, but gave me a really good perspective on like,

Unknown:

what was changing and raising kids or what was happening to

Unknown:

how we were raising kids. And so it just really paid attention to

Unknown:

what I saw as some issues. But then my son, he grew up, he got

Unknown:

married, and I started to feel like, well, again, what's next,

Unknown:

whether he has someone else to take care of him even when he's

Unknown:

sick. And then we lost a family member, which really tugged at

Unknown:

my heartstrings. I mean, anytime you lose a family member, but I

Unknown:

started paying attention to what was happening to our younger

Unknown:

moms right now. And I feel fortunate that I didn't have to

Unknown:

raise my son with social media. But I'm watching Moms be burnt

Unknown:

out stressed, have low self confidence, feel like they're

Unknown:

not doing it, right, because they see some perfect life on

Unknown:

social media. And it really struck me that one, our time

Unknown:

here is so short, that I need to make a decision on how I want to

Unknown:

finish living my life. And to I really felt drawn to do

Unknown:

something that would help these young women, because, I mean,

Unknown:

it's statistically looking like we're losing a lot of young

Unknown:

women because they can't handle that stress. And so that's where

Unknown:

my motherhood project really started and creating the system

Unknown:

because I think we can tend to make motherhood too hard. I

Unknown:

think there are some really simple questions and systems we

Unknown:

can put in place that would help us because it is our job to have

Unknown:

influence over our children. And we want to make sure that we're

Unknown:

having a good a good influence over them.

Nellie Harden:

Right? Absolutely. You know, there's

Nellie Harden:

these, I call them the the inevitable impacts that are

Nellie Harden:

happening to your children. And, you know, they are happening no

Nellie Harden:

matter what, and I even tell people, I'm like, they will even

Nellie Harden:

happen, and you are impacting them, even if you're not there,

Nellie Harden:

you know, and so if you know, these impacts are happening, we

Nellie Harden:

might as well do them as best as we can. But yeah, these impacts

Nellie Harden:

are happening, I think about my own, you know, childhood and

Nellie Harden:

people that were or weren't there, they still play a huge

Nellie Harden:

role. I lost my dad when I was one. I was one when my dad

Nellie Harden:

passed away, and he has played a huge role in my life, you know?

Nellie Harden:

And so it's just interesting to to look back on those influences

Nellie Harden:

those impacts that adults surrounding of someone's

Nellie Harden:

childhood have, and know what impact that they have. So with

Nellie Harden:

your own family with your, with your son, and husband, so were

Nellie Harden:

you more aware of these when you were raising him at all, or did

Nellie Harden:

a lot of this observation and recording and, and really just

Nellie Harden:

opening your eyes happened afterwards, after he had left

Nellie Harden:

home?

Unknown:

A lot of it happened after he had left. Yeah, um,

Unknown:

there were some things as you're going through it. But I think

Unknown:

that's one of the things that has drawn me to do what I'm

Unknown:

doing is to help other women not get to this point in their life

Unknown:

where they possibly could look back and say, Gosh, I really

Unknown:

wish I would have done that different. And I think you're

Unknown:

everybody's life is unique, and you're going to make decisions

Unknown:

that are best for you. But I just want to share my knowledge

Unknown:

because I think, you know, I could shed some light onto

Unknown:

something that maybe I have a regret over now that I could

Unknown:

help somebody change while they still have their kiddos at home.

Nellie Harden:

Absolutely. You know, when you think of

Nellie Harden:

something that your son may have had or didn't have when he left

Nellie Harden:

home and I asked this because I was interviewing, and I guess

Nellie Harden:

doing a project with actually last year. This mom and daughter

Nellie Harden:

duo and their entire premise is this. The daughter is an adult

Nellie Harden:

and they go back and they talk back and forth about what we

Nellie Harden:

could have done different back then. And what it would have

Nellie Harden:

done now in order to educate, you know, people that are going

Nellie Harden:

through it right now. And it was really interesting to pair up

Nellie Harden:

with these two. And I just think back on, you know, on my own

Nellie Harden:

what could have been something even as simple I remember the

Nellie Harden:

first time I had to do my own load of laundry at college, and

Nellie Harden:

I was like, oh, no, are the quarters go, I don't know what

Nellie Harden:

what soap to put in, do I put the dryer stuff during the wash

Nellie Harden:

stuff, I was so confused. And I was like, you know, this was

Nellie Harden:

probably something I should have learned when I was still at

Nellie Harden:

home, and figured out before it was just me and all my clothes,

Nellie Harden:

and I could ruin them all and then have not a dime to buy

Nellie Harden:

another pair of jeans. And so it's just kind of funny things

Nellie Harden:

like that. But also the deep emotional intelligence, you

Nellie Harden:

know, a pieces of that. And it's the that confidence piece. It's

Nellie Harden:

the wisdom piece. And really confidence and wisdom and

Nellie Harden:

respect are the cornerstones for setting someone up for this for

Nellie Harden:

this life, that they can live at their best going forward. And so

Nellie Harden:

I'm curious with what you see now or what you experienced?

Nellie Harden:

What were some things that you're like, oh, yeah, maybe I

Nellie Harden:

could have worked on that a little bit better. And I say

Nellie Harden:

this prefacing not to throw you under the bus, because we are

Nellie Harden:

all parents, we are all doing the best we can writing the book

Nellie Harden:

along the way. And I am not a perfect parent, by any stretch.

Nellie Harden:

And we just do the best that we can every day. So I'm curious

Nellie Harden:

what we can learn from you in this aspect.

Unknown:

Yeah, so we only had one child and my husband came

Unknown:

from a bigger family, I came from just having one sister. And

Unknown:

so we had a little bit different philosophy on what it's like to

Unknown:

be part of a family. But we were under the same understanding

Unknown:

that our child didn't ask to be born, we chose to have them. So

Unknown:

we wanted them to have the best possible life that we could give

Unknown:

him. So we were not a family where there were chores. We were

Unknown:

not a family where there was allowance. And so when I hear

Unknown:

you talk about your laundry story that is exactly like those

Unknown:

are some of the stories that come to mind for me. So my

Unknown:

husband was always afraid that if you let him mow the lawn or

Unknown:

do something like that, he might injure himself. And of course, I

Unknown:

just doted on him. So he did, he went off to college, he didn't

Unknown:

know how to do laundry, he didn't know how to cook. And so

Unknown:

you know, he then he wouldn't have bought his first house, he

Unknown:

didn't know how to mow the grass, he. So looking back, it's

Unknown:

those little things that even if they're not a chore for your

Unknown:

kid, involving them, so that you can be teaching them to be an

Unknown:

independent person when they're older. So those are the sort of

Unknown:

things that come come to mind for me, is he didn't have those

Unknown:

basic skills like even how to clean a house. Where I think

Unknown:

where we raised him was a very small town. And one thing I

Unknown:

think I would like parents to pay attention to is what what is

Unknown:

that atmosphere where you live, like what is going on for your

Unknown:

child, because looking back, when we dropped our child off at

Unknown:

college, and he came home six weeks later, he was almost a

Unknown:

totally different person. He stood taller, he held his

Unknown:

shoulders back, he held his head high. And I mean, this was a kid

Unknown:

who was really involved in school, he did sports, he did

Unknown:

band he, you know, he was very active, and had friends. But he

Unknown:

when he came home, he said, the town we lived in like your

Unknown:

stereotypes from the first day you enter into that school

Unknown:

system. And he said he could remember the day we were driving

Unknown:

him to college, that he thought this is the opportunity to be

Unknown:

who I really am and who I really want to be. And so I think those

Unknown:

are even important conversations to have, I think we have them

Unknown:

with our kids about just be yourself. But are they able to

Unknown:

is is where you're raising them or the kind of atmosphere

Unknown:

they're in allowing them to shine.

Nellie Harden:

So I find this topic. Very interesting because

Nellie Harden:

we've always lived in bigger cities. But six years ago, we

Nellie Harden:

moved to a very, very, very small town, coastal North

Nellie Harden:

Carolina, very small town, and I can completely see where you're

Nellie Harden:

coming from. And also to flip the coin on that in that small

Nellie Harden:

town. There are a lot of influences. Where are they

Nellie Harden:

becoming someone that they're not because of some of those

Nellie Harden:

influences or are they not being able to be who they are because

Nellie Harden:

of those influences and it is a really tight line, too try and

Nellie Harden:

navigate as a parent. And I think there's something

Nellie Harden:

beautiful and rich and amazing about small towns. You I grew up

Nellie Harden:

watching Gilmore Girls, you know, and all the things and I

Nellie Harden:

was like, oh, I want to live in a Stars Hollow and I do live in

Nellie Harden:

a Stars Hollow now, but there's also a downside to that as well.

Nellie Harden:

But there's there's so many upsides there's so many

Nellie Harden:

downsides, right? With every decision in life. And I do find

Nellie Harden:

it very interesting. But when you I completely agree when you

Nellie Harden:

go off to college, and I say this, I actually went to middle

Nellie Harden:

and high school in a very big city, right? It was a suburb of

Nellie Harden:

Detroit, called Birmingham. And we, we, it was a, you know, very

Nellie Harden:

big metropolis type area, whatever. And I came in there in

Nellie Harden:

sixth grade. And already in sixth grade, when we had moved

Nellie Harden:

there, I was already branded. I wasn't one of the ones that had

Nellie Harden:

had these friendships since kindergarten and had the had the

Nellie Harden:

little league or the, you know, the little soccer photos with my

Nellie Harden:

second grade friends that we're still friends with today. Right?

Nellie Harden:

And it was hard. It was hard in middle school, right? It didn't

Nellie Harden:

help that I had permed bangs and straight hair. I don't know why

Nellie Harden:

I had that in 1980s. But I did. And that didn't help. But it was

Nellie Harden:

really hard going in there. And then I noticed going into high

Nellie Harden:

school, it was just a continuation because everyone

Nellie Harden:

from middle went over to the high. And I to agree that when I

Nellie Harden:

went off to college, which I went seven hours away from my

Nellie Harden:

home, how many hours did he go away?

Unknown:

About five? Okay, House is open. It's a snowy mountain

Unknown:

pass. So in the wintertime, sometimes they close it.

Nellie Harden:

Okay. All right. So when I came home, and I

Nellie Harden:

didn't come home until Thanksgiving, my, my freshman

Nellie Harden:

year, they dropped me off. And I didn't come home until

Nellie Harden:

Thanksgiving. I was probably if you asked my mom, I was probably

Nellie Harden:

a much different person than to for many, many reasons, some

Nellie Harden:

good and some not so good. But I remember feeling like okay,

Nellie Harden:

yeah, this is my opportunity to reinvent myself and not just be

Nellie Harden:

the kid that just came into the school even though I was there

Nellie Harden:

for seven years. But man, it can be hard going into a new school

Nellie Harden:

system or a new town. So with that, with the way that he had

Nellie Harden:

changed when he came back, how is he you know, living or and

Nellie Harden:

what is his view on that? And has he been able to maintain his

Nellie Harden:

own identity through his adult years.

Unknown:

So he just flourished. When he got to college, he again

Unknown:

had a very tight and he's always been like this a very tight

Unknown:

group of friends. Okay. He's still his friends. He's actually

Unknown:

skiing in Montana with them right now. And jealousy. I know.

Unknown:

He, I guess when he looks back on his childhood, and I feel

Unknown:

like we set him up with the proper thinking around how you

Unknown:

can do things. So even though we didn't he didn't have chores and

Unknown:

didn't have to do things he is a can do type of kid, he's going

Unknown:

to figure out how to do it. He's either going to ask one of us

Unknown:

ask somebody else look on the internet. He's very independent,

Unknown:

and has become very, I don't want to say minimalist, but he

Unknown:

lives a very comfortable lifestyle. They are very

Unknown:

outdoorsy, they like to hike and bike. And I say they because now

Unknown:

he's married. But I think the combination of how we raised him

Unknown:

like being very loving, being open to conversations. He's one

Unknown:

of those people that every time you meet somebody, they're like,

Unknown:

I just love your child, which makes me happy. But he also is

Unknown:

someone who avoids drama. He that's just not something and I

Unknown:

don't know if that came from where he grew up, and like what

Unknown:

we see happen in schools, but he is just a very simple, happy

Unknown:

person.

Nellie Harden:

So as you know, we talk a lot about self

Nellie Harden:

discipline, leadership in the 6570 family project, and 6570

Nellie Harden:

for any new listeners that we have, that's how many days we

Nellie Harden:

really have in this high impact high influence timezone 6570

Nellie Harden:

days or 18 years. But when you put it in the, in the scope of

Nellie Harden:

days, it really puts it into perspective for you. But that's

Nellie Harden:

really made up of four key pillars of vision and discipline

Nellie Harden:

and vulnerability, and resilience. And I find that you

Nellie Harden:

know, some people and the way that you're describing your son

Nellie Harden:

and and yourself too because this is for all of us, right?

Nellie Harden:

It's not just for our kids we grow through this process of

Nellie Harden:

parenting to it is 18 years of our lives as well. Not to say

Nellie Harden:

that as to your point that when they hit a teen you're like

Nellie Harden:

check the box done. Peace out right, but your high impact high

Nellie Harden:

influence zone does drastically shift. After that time, would

Nellie Harden:

you agree?

Unknown:

Oh, definitely, yeah, you only get those first 18

Unknown:

years. And I say 18, if you're lucky, because my son left for

Unknown:

college at the age of 17. Yeah,

Nellie Harden:

same same, I did, too. I'm very all four of my

Nellie Harden:

kids are going to be 18 when they leave with the way their

Nellie Harden:

birthdays fell with the school calendar, and what have you, but

Nellie Harden:

yes, I was 17 When I left too. And with those four pillars, I

Nellie Harden:

find that you know, some people are naturally attune with some

Nellie Harden:

of them, and then naturally deficient in some others, which

Nellie Harden:

means we, you know, need to help them work through those,

Nellie Harden:

especially in order to build that confidence, wisdom and

Nellie Harden:

respect for others. And wisdom. You know, that's academic, that

Nellie Harden:

is emotional intelligence, that is, how to have a relationship

Nellie Harden:

that is how to do laundry, you know, it is it is all the things

Nellie Harden:

in there. So I hear you talking about with, with your son that

Nellie Harden:

maybe you know, some of these things he was naturally gifted

Nellie Harden:

in, but you guys also as parents, were able to massage

Nellie Harden:

some of those. And then he really got it when he was on his

Nellie Harden:

own, and had to figure some of those things out on its own.

Nellie Harden:

Because, I mean, there's nothing like being out on your own when

Nellie Harden:

you find out what your weaknesses are.

Unknown:

Right, right. Oh, my goodness, I do think as parents

Unknown:

that that's something we need to pay attention to. So, you know,

Unknown:

we take care of our child, we're involved in every aspect of

Unknown:

their life from a young age. But there comes a point when you

Unknown:

have to start teaching them how to fight their own battles, or

Unknown:

how to figure out a problem. And that's very hard. As a parent, I

Unknown:

think, especially as a mom, you don't ever want to see your kid

Unknown:

make a mistake that's going to possibly affect their entire

Unknown:

life, or cause them harm. But as your child starts to develop and

Unknown:

starts to grow, you have to find small ways to let them make

Unknown:

those mistakes. Yeah. Because that's truly how they learn.

Unknown:

Yeah, that's how they learn self discipline, is when they make a

Unknown:

mistake that could possibly have a drastic effect on their life,

Unknown:

or even something as simple as Did you talk to the teacher yet

Unknown:

about that, like quit fighting their battles, especially in

Unknown:

high school? Yeah, they'll quit their battles, like teach them

Unknown:

how to have conversations with adults and advocate for

Unknown:

themselves.

Nellie Harden:

Absolutely. One of my daughter's my 16 year old

Nellie Harden:

she is doing dual enrollment with high school in college

Nellie Harden:

right now. And so she's getting these college syllabuses or

Nellie Harden:

syllabi, I don't know. And, but she's getting them. And, you

Nellie Harden:

know, first semester, when she did this, there, we had a few

Nellie Harden:

times that it was like, oh, there was an assignment due and

Nellie Harden:

I missed it, because I didn't see it on this section of the

Nellie Harden:

syllabi, or syllabus, and, and, you know, it was all this, and

Nellie Harden:

we're like, you gotta, you know, you got to do this, here's a

Nellie Harden:

daily calendar for you, you know, and there was definitely

Nellie Harden:

some mess ups that she was able to reverse. In fact, one time

Nellie Harden:

she missed an entire exam, she was so focused on a bio final,

Nellie Harden:

that she completely missed that she had a pre calc test that

Nellie Harden:

day. And she was like, what, and it was built into that syllabus,

Nellie Harden:

though, that if you, whatever your lowest grade is on a test,

Nellie Harden:

you whatever you get on the final, if it's more than that,

Nellie Harden:

it can replace that. And so that entire grade, I mean, she was

Nellie Harden:

going into, you know, her final with a pretty nasty grade, she

Nellie Harden:

got a zero on one of those exams. And but she went in and

Nellie Harden:

she pulled out, I think she got like a 94. And so she was able

Nellie Harden:

to pull it out. But that was that was a lesson she had to

Nellie Harden:

learn. And right now, we are going to be looking at colleges

Nellie Harden:

this upcoming summer, right. And so I told her, she's home right

Nellie Harden:

now COVID, shut down the school and what have you. So anyway, I

Nellie Harden:

was like, so we really, I really need you to be doing some

Nellie Harden:

research and figuring out best schools for this and what their

Nellie Harden:

programs are, because we need to be visiting this in like, you

Nellie Harden:

know, four or five months. And she's scared. And I totally get

Nellie Harden:

that I was freaked out with that, but putting it into their

Nellie Harden:

hands to be able to be like this is this is your road, it's your

Nellie Harden:

path. How you know, don't you want to be a part of where that

Nellie Harden:

goes. And I think that's really, really important.

Unknown:

Yeah, definitely. And I think, I mean, having come from

Unknown:

education world to is, you know, some type of education after

Unknown:

high school. So I think, you know, I like parents to

Unknown:

understand that. If your child decides not to go to a

Unknown:

university if they decide to start at community college, or

Unknown:

maybe go to a technical vocational school, like it's our

Unknown:

job to help guide them to experience things and find their

Unknown:

own path and so just being doesn't mean your kid is going

Unknown:

to be a failure if they don't go to a university because I don't

Unknown:

know about you, but how much do you pay the plumber when he

Unknown:

comes to In your house, a lot of money. Yeah, I think you're

Unknown:

right, like helping them, helping them have a voice in

Unknown:

what's going to happen in their future.

Nellie Harden:

Yes. And to that point, too, I think it's really

Nellie Harden:

interesting. A lot of people are shocked to find out when we're

Nellie Harden:

just chatting with other friends that have kids around our ages.

Nellie Harden:

As much as I think a 529 plan is amazing for saving money, we

Nellie Harden:

chose not to do 529 plans for our kids, because we did not

Nellie Harden:

want to lock them into this path. So we have savings for

Nellie Harden:

them to do whatever it is that they're going to do. But being

Nellie Harden:

an entrepreneur for the last 20 years, I know so many amazing

Nellie Harden:

people that have gone on to do miraculous things that didn't

Nellie Harden:

step foot in a university once, but I also know many that have

Nellie Harden:

and so we never wanted to lock them into a path and do that.

Nellie Harden:

But yeah, so when we, when people find out that we don't

Nellie Harden:

have 520 nines, and we have different savings for them,

Nellie Harden:

they're like you didn't do a 529, I was like I didn't, you

Nellie Harden:

can only spend it on education. So I didn't want to, you know,

Nellie Harden:

lock them in to whatever that is. So it's it's funny, you

Nellie Harden:

mentioned that. But I want to touch back because I come from

Nellie Harden:

an animal background, actually, I was a marine biologist, and I

Nellie Harden:

worked in wild and captive work and all of this and going back

Nellie Harden:

simply with parenting. And it is kind of funny, looking at the,

Nellie Harden:

the development, this childhood period of development across the

Nellie Harden:

animal world, in human world, there's definitely some

Nellie Harden:

congruent seas between there. And I think about like a bear,

Nellie Harden:

you know, they always call mom's mama bears and what have you.

Nellie Harden:

And so I think about that, and we really are investing and

Nellie Harden:

giving our time and energy to these little ones in order to

Nellie Harden:

teach them how to do life on their own. And so when I think

Nellie Harden:

about all of these conversations, or all of these

Nellie Harden:

tasks, or all of these, you know, different experiences that

Nellie Harden:

they are having in their childhood, I'm like, Okay, right

Nellie Harden:

now we're learning this lesson, so that they know how to do XYZ.

Nellie Harden:

After they leave home. Of course, I'm always gonna be here

Nellie Harden:

just like you are for your son. But I'm just I'm, I'm curious on

Nellie Harden:

your view of that, and now versus how that's changed now

Nellie Harden:

versus before, because it really is preparing them for life after

Nellie Harden:

childhood.

Unknown:

Right. So So are you asking? I'm sorry, I'm kind of

Unknown:

confused of what questions I'm like, like, how can we help

Unknown:

prepare them through those lessons?

Nellie Harden:

Yeah. So I'm just curious, because of your

Nellie Harden:

experience with parenthood, and now your experience with your

Nellie Harden:

coaching and helping these moms, and really, has that lens

Nellie Harden:

shifted for you, and really helping prepare helping moms de

Nellie Harden:

stress and have this focus, or not focus, but have this

Nellie Harden:

viewpoint of I really am kind of preparing them to go forward? In

Nellie Harden:

this motherhood journey.

Unknown:

Yeah. So I think just like you mentioned, how we help

Unknown:

our kids. I mean, that's what I'm doing through this program

Unknown:

is kind of helping moms step back a minute, take a look at

Unknown:

things. Figure out like, are they living in accordance with

Unknown:

their values, right? Because that's something we would do

Unknown:

with our kids. Like, why did you make that decision? Is that

Unknown:

important to you? And so really just helping women kind of take

Unknown:

that pause. And I know we're busy. And so I've designed a

Unknown:

course so that it can be quick and easy. But I think when it

Unknown:

it's the same thing we do with our kids, when we ask them to

Unknown:

slow down, like, even when they're like on the playground

Unknown:

slow down, if you run too fast, you're gonna trip over

Unknown:

something. And so it is just, it's the same concept. It's, I

Unknown:

think, having lived through it, it and I just like you, when we

Unknown:

first started, you were talking about COVID, and how you guys

Unknown:

have to, you know, on a dime, switch what you're doing. And I

Unknown:

just think that those if a parent can figure out for

Unknown:

themselves, how to slow down work through the process.

Unknown:

They're modeling that for their child. And I believe that that

Unknown:

is our children, watch what we do, right? We always say don't

Unknown:

do what I do what I say don't do what I do, but they're watching,

Unknown:

they're going they're either going to learn to do it from

Unknown:

you, or they're going to be like, Man, I never want to be

Unknown:

like that and change. And so I think it's that I don't think we

Unknown:

ever as moms quit. Or maybe it's even just as women, but I don't

Unknown:

think we ever quit having that need or desire to help nurture

Unknown:

somebody along, not always do it for them. But give them ask the

Unknown:

right questions to help them arrive at the answer themselves.

Nellie Harden:

Yeah, absolutely. So I want to pivot just a little

Nellie Harden:

bit and talk about because you really talk about healthy

Nellie Harden:

relationships and boundaries. And what are some of the

Nellie Harden:

healthiest boundaries that you can see that the listeners today

Nellie Harden:

can kind of take and start utilizing or working on in order

Nellie Harden:

to take that stress level down, right, even in COVID times, even

Nellie Harden:

when the schedule is like, one day on or something on Tuesday

Nellie Harden:

and something else on Wednesday? What are some good boundaries

Nellie Harden:

that these moms can start creating?

Unknown:

Yeah, so I think one is creating some boundary that if

Unknown:

you need some quiet time, like create that boundary in your

Unknown:

house, so that your kids know, I always look back. And one of the

Unknown:

things I laugh at the most is, it didn't work to put my son in

Unknown:

timeout. So I used to put myself in timeout, I used to say, just

Unknown:

give me a few minutes. And I would just you know, like sit

Unknown:

behind a door so I could hear what he was doing. But I think

Unknown:

boundaries as far as your your space and your time, like I just

Unknown:

need one minute to take some deep breaths in the car before I

Unknown:

come into the house. Maybe for your kid like Hey, I while I'm

Unknown:

making dinner, I just want you to take five minutes to go maybe

Unknown:

for maybe for that kid, it's going your bedroom and dance to

Unknown:

some music that makes you happy or so I think boundaries around

Unknown:

creating space and time for what's going to refill your cup

Unknown:

recharge your battery. I think that's important. I think a lot

Unknown:

of whether you're a working mom, or even a stay at home, mom is

Unknown:

creating some boundaries around like, if I'm sure all your

Unknown:

listeners are listening, because family is one of their top core

Unknown:

values, right. And so I think it's really, it becomes really

Unknown:

easy at work. To just keep saying yes to things. Even if

Unknown:

you're a stay at home mom, it becomes really easy to keep

Unknown:

saying yes to the PTA or the school because they know you're

Unknown:

a stay at home mom. And so creating some boundaries around

Unknown:

what you're willing to do and not willing to do if it's going

Unknown:

to take time away from your family. Because I was listening

Unknown:

to another podcast one day and she said you have to think about

Unknown:

what it's going to cost not only in your time and your money, but

Unknown:

what is it going to cost in, in the influence that someone else

Unknown:

is having over your child? Like if you're not there, and your

Unknown:

child is with someone else, like they're having the influence

Unknown:

over your child? So definitely, I think it's creating that space

Unknown:

to refill your battery. It is learning to put things through

Unknown:

that no funnel, right? does it align with my core values? Do I

Unknown:

have time on my calendar? Do I really want to do it? So those

Unknown:

would be two of the biggest boundaries that I could think

Unknown:

of? Yeah, mom's because I think those are the those are the two

Unknown:

I see the most that are affecting women. They just we're

Unknown:

people pleasers. We want to make everybody happy. And so we say

Unknown:

yes. And we take time doing things that maybe aren't the

Unknown:

best for us.

Nellie Harden:

Yes, absolutely. Oh, my goodness. Well, this has

Nellie Harden:

been such a great conversation. And I honestly as we were going

Nellie Harden:

I thought of like three other things that I could ask you, but

Nellie Harden:

we are running out of time. So before we do, can you let us

Nellie Harden:

know is where we can find you. And so the listeners can go

Nellie Harden:

check you out.

Unknown:

Yep, so the best place to find me is on Instagram. And

Unknown:

it's less underscore stressed underscore mom's. And there is a

Unknown:

link in my bio where listeners can go get a freebie they can

Unknown:

sign up to be part of the community. So they can be the

Unknown:

first to know when the course is launched. But I just tried to

Unknown:

share some guidance and tips on Instagram that I wish I would

Unknown:

have known when I was a young mom. And I

Nellie Harden:

think that's invaluable. Honestly, I haven't

Nellie Harden:

gone through the entire process. I mean, I'm almost there with

Nellie Harden:

one of them. It's kind of crazy. You know, she'll be 17 in just a

Nellie Harden:

couple of months. Be still my heart and and then I have 214

Nellie Harden:

year olds and a 12 year old behind her. So yeah, it comes so

Nellie Harden:

fast. It really does. And I look back on pictures when they were

Nellie Harden:

just so little. And it was just it was just the six of us. It

Nellie Harden:

was our little tribe of six and which I guess isn't so little,

Nellie Harden:

but it was our little tribe of six and they were little and we

Nellie Harden:

would just go hand in hand everywhere. And I missed those

Nellie Harden:

days sometimes. Because it was it was physically exhausting.

Nellie Harden:

But there was so much less pressure back then with the

Nellie Harden:

talking about mom's dress, you know, with everything that's

Nellie Harden:

happening with the world and social media didn't have phones

Nellie Harden:

back then, you know, it was just so much easier back when they

Nellie Harden:

just had to hold your hand across the street.

Unknown:

And one of my son's favorite things when he would

Unknown:

make a mistake He would your Mulligan he wanted to do over.

Unknown:

And I think you know, like motherhood there is you don't

Unknown:

get a mulligan, there is no Mulligan, you get one shot at

Unknown:

it. So I just really am thankful for you having me on here

Unknown:

because I really just want moms to understand, like you said,

Unknown:

Vegas, you know, 65 to 70 days, I'm almost double that already.

Unknown:

And so just slow down. Like when when your kid grows up and

Unknown:

leaves the house, think about how many more years that you

Unknown:

have of your life, to keep doing what you want to do. And so

Unknown:

really just immerse yourself and in that time with your kids.

Nellie Harden:

Well, thank you so much for being on. This was a

Nellie Harden:

gift. And I can't wait to I'll put all of your information in

Nellie Harden:

the show notes. And so people can come and find you.

Unknown:

Great. Thank you so much, Nellie.

Nellie Harden:

All right. Bye bye. Thank you so much for

Nellie Harden:

listening today. And I hope you're able to take something

Nellie Harden:

from our discussion that you can use to build the foundation of

Nellie Harden:

self love leadership in your own family. If you are a parent with

Nellie Harden:

children, 17 or younger, and especially those around nine and

Nellie Harden:

up, I would love to extend an invitation to you to the best

Nellie Harden:

club in town. The family architects Club is a private

Nellie Harden:

club where intentional parents go that want to love support,

Nellie Harden:

connect or reconnect and really truly help guide their kids and

Nellie Harden:

teach them how to self lead in discipline and leadership. This

Nellie Harden:

is an online community and the you are welcome to it. Parenting

Nellie Harden:

is a project and you are the architect of this one. You plan

Nellie Harden:

you design and oversee the construction of the beginning of

Nellie Harden:

someone else's life. And that's what goes into these first 6570

Nellie Harden:

days. And it will be the foundation for the rest of their

Nellie Harden:

lives. So come join the club. You can find your invitation on

Nellie Harden:

the front page of my website Nelly hardened.com. That is ne

Nellie Harden:

ll ie H AR D n.com. Thank you again for being a part of this

Nellie Harden:

conversation today. And if something really resonated with

Nellie Harden:

you, or if you have a question, please don't hesitate to connect

Nellie Harden:

with me. You can find me on Instagram at Nellie Hardin. And

Nellie Harden:

lastly, if you love the information, please please leave

Nellie Harden:

a five star review and a comment so more and more families can be

Nellie Harden:

impacted by harnessing the strength of these ideas and

Nellie Harden:

tools in their own families. So thank you so much. Happy

Nellie Harden:

building you guys and I'll see you next week.

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