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Feeling lonely during the holidays? You’re definitely not alone, and that’s the vibe we’re diving into today. As we chat about the holiday season, we’ll explore how this time of year can crank up feelings of loneliness, especially for us singles. From the endless couple-centric events to the chilling cold that keeps us indoors, it’s easy to feel left out while others seem to be coupled up and cozy. I’ll share my own thoughts on how seeing friends and family enjoying their lives can sometimes hit harder than that last slice of fruitcake. So, grab a warm drink, get comfy, and let’s talk about how we can acknowledge these feelings and take care of ourselves during this festive yet sometimes tough time of year.

Takeaways:

• The holiday season often amplifies feelings of loneliness, especially for those who are single.
• Being surrounded by couples during the holidays can make singles feel more isolated and reflect on what they lack.
• It's completely normal to feel jealous of others' relationships during the festive season, and acknowledging those feelings is important.
• Finding ways to treat ourselves during the holidays can help mitigate feelings of loneliness and create new traditions.

The holiday season can often feel like a double-edged sword for singles, especially when Christmas rolls around. In this episode, we dive deep into the emotional rollercoaster that many of us experience during December, a time that is supposed to be merry and bright but can often amplify feelings of loneliness. We chat about how the holidays can bring out a yearning for connection, especially when surrounded by couples and families celebrating together. Our host shares personal anecdotes, like the time her walking club opted for a cozy cafe meet-up instead of braving the freezing Chicago weather, highlighting the isolation that can come from winter months when social outings dwindle. We also discuss the societal pressures that come with the season, from engagement announcements flooding social media to the subtle reminders of what we might be missing in our lives. Ultimately, we acknowledge that it’s not just about being alone; it’s about the longing for a partner to share these moments with, making the holiday loneliness all the more poignant.

As we navigate through these feelings, the conversation shifts to practical advice on how to cope with the holiday blues. We explore some light-hearted strategies to treat ourselves during this time, like scheduling moments to feel sad, creating new personal traditions, or even taking ourselves out for a festive meal. The host encourages listeners to embrace their loneliness, suggesting that acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward overcoming them. It’s a reminder that even when the world seems to be celebrating with loved ones, it’s perfectly okay to feel a bit out of place. We also touch on the importance of self-care, emphasizing how essential it is to find joy in our own company, even when the holiday season feels especially tough.

In wrapping up, we leave listeners with a note to self, encouraging reflection on how to treat oneself kindly during the holiday season. The conversation is not just about coping with loneliness but also about finding ways to celebrate ourselves amidst the hustle and bustle. Whether it’s through creating new traditions, enjoying the beauty of winter, or simply allowing ourselves a moment to grieve what we may not have, this episode serves as a comforting companion for anyone navigating the complexities of being single during the holidays.

Which times of the year do you tend to feel more lonely during? If you're new here? Welcome to All About Being Single. If you're a returning listener, welcome back. You know what to expect.

So Christmas for me, and I think December can be such a lonely time. And I know it's not just me. I know this can happen to other singles. It definitely tends to amplify loneliness. I think that there's.

If you already have a desire for connection for some reason, being around the holiday season kind of coming towards the end of the season.

So, like Christmas and New Year's is when I think some of that grief for not being where we want to be in life as we're reflecting back on the whole year can hit us hard. A lot of us live in colder climates, too, so we have a lot of just extra time to ourselves because we're not, like, going out all the time.

Like, less people, Even our single friends might not be going out all the time. Like, I run a walking club on Sundays, and again, I live in the Chicago suburbs, so it gets freezing out here.

Like this past Sunday, I think it was negative technically, still in the negatives when technically the walk was supposed to start. So we didn't even do one. We did meet up at a cafe, and I did still have a great Turnout. I think nine or 10 of us showed up, which is amazing.

But I know we had some people that decided not to join us, even though we weren't walking. We were just sitting inside because it was just so cold and people didn't want to leave their house. And that obviously goes for coupled up people.

They stay indoors, so don't hang out with us as much during the winter time. And it gets darker and even colder in the evenings.

So a lot of us maybe just want to rest and stay at home versus going out, even taking ourselves out to dinner or, you know, whatever else. So we're just thinking a lot more sometimes some of us, like me, overthinking even more about being alone at that point.

Also in December, I think that a lot of events are geared towards couples and families. So holidays can remind us of the things that we want but we don't have yet. And the season brings that pressure to be part of a couple.

Especially again, for those of us who already want to be part of a couple.

A lot of other people, even the ones that we do know who are single, who are maybe able to get somebody else, it's coughing season, so they are partnering up again. People don't necessarily want to spend like A whole winter by themselves, sitting indoors.

So sometimes people just kind of go for what they can or, you know, grab anybody that they can. Definitely this season especially Christmas brings tons of engagement. So I think that sets us back.

Sometimes seeing others get what we want just amplifies that loneliness.

And I'm just gonna say the thing that I know a lot of us are thinking, it's sometimes we can be jealous of the people that are getting engaged when that's all we want. We can be jealous of people sending us Christmas cards with their families while we don't have that.

And I've been saying for years, I wanna get a Christmas card going with just me in trouble, like bottle of wine in the background. So I think maybe one of these. One of these Christmases, I'll do it.

Not this time around, just because Christmas is, like, two days away, which is also insane. But, yeah, some of us have been, like, so single for just so long and for so many Christmases.

That's the other part, you know, if you've been single for so many Christmas seasons, that tends to hit hard.

So just going through this year after year after year and, like, seeing all the engagements, see everybody with their families, see, you know, even the commercials we see, I think a lot around this time of year is, like, people on the couch sitting with their families. While we don't have that.

And it just hurts more and more and more the longer, you know, this goes on and the more we want these things that we are just not getting in our lives. For most of us, we have extra time off of work as well during Christmas or at least this season. You know, I mean, some people, like, if they're.

If you're a teacher, and I used to be a high school teacher, which we'll talk about at some point. But, like, you have, like, two full weeks of just, you know, being by yourself. So sometimes our routines that include work are just obviously off.

And, you know, we're not spending as much time at work, which I know for me takes my mind off of the things that I don't have, you know, so we already have all this extra time in the evenings and possibly even in the mornings if you're not being as busy because it is wintertime and it's cold. And like, for me, again, I like to be out in nature. And I do actually really enjoy walking out in the snow. So I do do that.

But I don't do that in the very early mornings or in the evenings during this time because it's just so dark and I, as a single woman, just don't want to be roaming the streets, you know, or being in a forest when it's dark out. But yeah, so it's like, not only do.

Do we have extra time in the evenings and in the mornings now, also if we're not at work because of the Christmas season, there's just all this extra time to. To, you know, fill up.

And if we don't, it's just more time, unfortunately, to, like, compare ourselves to others and just think about our single situations.

I know for some of you, you might even live far away from your family, or you might not talk to your family very often, or you might not be going home for Christmas, whether it be because of logistics or financial situations, or because you just don't talk to your family, whatever the case is. That might make this time even more lonely for you.

Or maybe you do have plans to go visit family or friends, and then all of a sudden the weather gets super bad and your flights are canceled, or maybe you were planning on driving someplace and you just can't because of the weather. You know, that could also happen.

And again, that would amplify that loneliness, having to then spend this time that you thought you were going to be spending with people by yourself. I think sometimes even like, the fun experiences for those of us who live solo are kind of made to be like chores in a sense.

And that could just be me. So I really can't speak for everybody, but my mom gave me, like, a very nice Christmas tree a few years ago. And it's just such a.

Putting that Christmas tree up and just decorating it by yourself is like, just a lot of work.

So, like, sometimes for me, it's like another, like, oh, I have to do this, or I have to ask somebody else to come by and help me with it, which obviously inconveniences somebody else. But also, there's been times when, like, I've really enjoyed putting it up and I have a great time with it.

It's just sometimes if, like, I am just going through it again with that loneliness during this season, sometimes it's just not a thing I want to be doing. And least.

But honestly, the most excruciating is the fact that even if we do have Christmas plans for those of us who want a significant other or kids of our own and who are getting older again, I'm 38 and have never had, like, a stable, healthy relationship with a great guy. At the end of the day, whether it's Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, I go home to myself. And I know that a lot of you can resonate with this.

So it's like it's super nice seeing everybody and enjoying Christmas and enjoying presents and enjoying being in the presence of people that you love, people that you want to spend time with. But at the end of the day it gets debilitating that I go home to myself, you know, while they get to go home like with their person.

So again, it's great, like it's great to socialize, it's great to have plans for Christmas or even if you decide not to do it with your family. Like it's great to just go out maybe Christmas Eve by yourself and enjoy the night and try to talk to strangers. All of that is great.

But it does not take away that loneliness that you feel when you go home to yourself over and over and over again. Especially on the holidays. That's exactly when I feel it the most.

Because again, it's just so amplified and it's knowing that like you have a great time with people but then they leave if you're hosting or you leave if they hosted and you go home to yourself yet again. And I've just had so many Christmases where like this pain felt just so unbearable and it feels so amplified.

Instead of being lessened because you're around people, it makes you feel even worse because you know they're all going home with like quote unquote their number ones. Well, you go home to yourself. And I've had so many friends and people just tell me if you're feeling lonely, feel free to call. And it's so nice.

But it's like I'm not feeling lonely because I don't have friends. Like I have great friends. I have people to hang out with. That's amazing. I feel lonely because I don't have that built in support system at home.

That one person who's like my person and also this is my no leg to stand on. I've had people tell me to not compare myself to others, but honestly it's so natural and human to compare yourself to others.

So yes, if I see engagements on social media, it's okay that I have the jealous feelings over it. It's totally fine. Cuz that's normal. I want to be there already and I also want to have that and I don't have it.

And it's totally fine that I or you listening have those jealous feelings. And a hill all day on is, you know, we can just accept that these aren't ideal situations for us and that we deserve to have what others have.

And that we don't want to just go home to ourselves all of the time, even when we enjoy living by ourselves, even if we enjoy being by ourselves quite often.

And that it's also just okay if you feel at your loneliest after being around a bunch of people, because that happens to us singles, especially for some of us during the holidays. So I see you and I understand you, even if nobody else does. Okay, now let's flip this around on you. So here's your note to self.

And if you're new here, this is just something. This is. This is a question that I ask where you can reflect on your own life and on your own single era.

How can you treat yourself well during the Christmas season? So just a very simple one, like what's maybe one thing that you can do to treat yourself well during this, this Christmas season? So think about that.

Write it down, maybe voice note it to yourself. Maybe if you're inspired, send that to one of your friends.

Or even better yet, if you could share this episode with anybody that you think might resonate with it, please do that. I really appreciate you not only listening, but also sharing it with others just so I can continue on doing this.

Ever since I got back from Italy, which was, I think, like three years ago, which is crazy, I've been saying that dancing every day is like a must for me. So what I do before I reflect on the note to self is I dance.

So either dance with me if you're able to, even if you're driving, you could probably just, you know, swing your arms around. And then once we come back, I'll tell you what I what my note to self answer is. Okay, I'm back.

So as far as the note to self, I believe that in order for me to make myself feel better during this Christmas season, when I am extra lonely, I like to just honestly allow myself to be sad on and just around the Christmas season.

I like to acknowledge that it's totally just valid to be single and to feel alone and to feel lonely during Christmas, even if I'm surrounded by other people. Because. Because at the end of the day, I also want to start traditions with my person, with my family that I create one day.

So, yeah, I just think it's okay to be lonely, especially on the holidays. I think that that's when the holidays can bring that out out of us.

And I, again, I do think that there's a lot more of us that feel this than people might think. And let's talk about besides just feeling those feelings.

Besides acknowledging that it is normal for us to feel this if we do or even sometimes when we don't necessarily want to date anybody. Like I'm not even interested in dating right now, but I do still feel more lonely around this time.

But so there are ways to quote unquote survive this Christmas season. So let's talk a little bit about that. So let's be a little bit more positive now.

So one, maybe come up with very brief answers to family members who ask you about your love life status during the holidays that doesn't engage in them asking more questions about it.

If you've got some good ones for us, send them over to me either with a voice note at all about being single.com or email me at all about being singlemail.com I'd love to hear some of the very brief and just like good comebacks you guys have for your family members who like to instigate. Okay, 2. Allow yourself a scheduled time to just be sad and lonely.

Maybe even a full day if that's how much you think you need and if that's like the depth of your loneliness. Number three, write a list of your wins and accomplishments and just what you're grateful for.

Maybe on Christmas Eve or on Christmas Day after you take time to allow yourself to be sad. Number four, maybe just create your New Year's resolutions on Christmas Day. You know, know if you have that full day off.

Number five, or you can even plan for or even start maybe a new hobby on Christmas day.

Number six, you can sign up to volunteer and be around others or maybe go to like a Christmas market that day or a movie or on a walk, you know, maybe to even see Christmas lights or on a drive to watch Christmas lights around your neighborhood or maybe a different neighborhood if you, you know, if the weather is nice and you're able to. Or just find a local event, maybe find try to see if there's any singles only events. Number seven and this one obviously tread lightly.

And I know we had an episode about this, but maybe get a pet. Maybe that might help ease some of that loneliness. Obviously that's more of a responsibility for later on.

So don't just like I know whim when you're like at your lonelies, go get a pet. That might potentially be a bad decision.

Number eight, maybe take yourself out on Christmas Eve or just cook a very nice holiday family meal for yourself. And I know we talked about in a previous episode how we get to be a family. Even if it's like just Us. And like a pet that makes up a full family.

Number nine, maybe take a road trip or go on a trip. Trip. It's completely someplace else. You know, if you feel like staying at home might make you more lonely.

And number 10, if nothing else works, there's always drugs or alcohol.

I'm not judging, but if you need to numb the pain, and I know, I've been there plenty of Christmases, that's the one thing that in the moment, made me feel better. I'm not saying this is a healthy way of dealing with it. I am half joking, but also, got to do what you got to do.

And to be clear, I am not encouraging drug abuse. That's my disclaimer. Anyhow, that took a turn. But let's go ahead and finish up this episode. Let's do our glow up.

What I think helps is starting a new Christmas tradition just for yourself.

And this could be maybe getting yourself a gift and wrapping it even and opening it on Christmas Day with your coffee, with whatever maybe you have made for yourself for breakfast the night before or the day off, whatever the case might be. Or maybe creating something like a painting by yourself on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

Or maybe it could be something that is a little bit more outdoorsy and a little bit more of an activity. So maybe, maybe going hill sliding on Christmas Day. And I mean for any of these, even these traditions, you know, think about something.

If it makes you feel better, maybe think of a tradition that you can start that you will also be able to continue on when you have a partner, you know, or if that doesn't make you feel better, don't do that. Maybe just start a tradition that's only for you, that helps you be grounded for while you are single and lonely on the holidays. Obviously, whatever.

Whatever works for you. But yeah, Ghost light on a hill. Go do something that's gonna make this time a little bit less lonely, even if it doesn't take the loneliness away.

I'm assuming you're probably listening to this before Christmas, so I just wanted to wish you a very good Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas. I know there's other holidays around this time as well for different religions or if you don't celebrate any of it.

I think even either way, if you live in a colder climate, some of this still applies, even if it's not holiday related. But either way, I just hope you have a very good holiday season. And thanks so much for listening. I will talk to you next Tuesday. Sam.