In this podcast episode, you'll be offered insights and personal experiences to help alleviate the feelings of overwhelm and guilt that you may face when contemplating taking time off or navigating the challenges of your profession. Jeanette's narrative begins with her own journey from a demanding job to becoming a mother, which prompted her to reevaluate the significance of her work-life balance.

Here are the three key takeaways for teachers considering whether or not to take time off:

1. **Don't Let Guilt Dictate Your Actions:** Jeanette advises teachers not to allow guilt to drive their decision-making processes. She emphasizes that guilt often leads to excessive focus on trivial tasks, which can be counterproductive and unnecessary. It's essential to recognize that seeking help or doing things differently is perfectly acceptable and doesn't warrant feelings of guilt.

2. **Prioritize Your Health:** The podcast discusses how guilt is rooted in fear and how it can have detrimental physical and mental effects. Teachers are reminded that it's crucial not to let guilt compel them to work when they are unwell. Taking care of one's health should always be a top priority, and staying home when sick is both responsible and necessary.

3. **Avoid Letting Pride and Control Overwhelm You:** Jeanette acknowledges that as teachers, it's common to take pride in one's work and want to maintain control over classroom dynamics. However, she advises against letting these emotions hinder the decision to take time off when needed or to adapt teaching methods. It's essential to recognize that others can step in and provide valuable support, ensuring that students continue to learn effectively.

This episode offers valuable guidance to elementary music teachers struggling with guilt and stress in their roles. It emphasizes the importance of self-care, maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and seeking help when necessary. By keeping these three key points in mind, teachers can navigate their profession with greater confidence and well-being.

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Today's episode is brought to you by the happy music teacher Academy, where you can go to get beyond the chaos, build confidence and find harmony in your music classroom. For more information, go to stories that sing. net forward, slash join the happy music teacher Academy. See you there. This podcast is a proud member of the teach better podcast network.

Better today, better tomorrow, and the podcast to get you there. Explore more podcasts at www. teachbetterpodcastnetwork. com. Now let's get onto the episode.

Are you an elementary music teacher? Who's frustrated and overwhelmed. I'm Jeanette Shorey, a happy music teacher who loves teaching. every day, but it wasn't long ago. I was in your shoes. Join me Wednesdays to help you find happy in your music classroom. When I was a much younger person, I worked in a different field.

I was the edit assist for an online editing post production house. And at that time I thought I was a big deal. I thought this was a big job. I had worked my way into this job from being a traffic director, which is the person who is an administrative type person, administrative assistant type person.

And, and I was like head. I was actually at that time I was the only edit assist and I was pregnant with my first son, Devin, and this goes back to before you could really go on to your computer or your phone and edit videos. There was a lot involved. There were many machines. They were all tied together.

There was this machine called the Chiron that I had learned how to use, and I was all proud of myself. And when it came time to take maternity leave, I was very conflicted because I was the big deal, you know? I was the edit assist, and it took them a really long time to find somebody. to take my place, so to speak, while I was on maternity leave.

So, I go on maternity leave, and if you are a parent, you will feel this. And I was like, I didn't want to go back. Because once I had that baby, once I had my Devin, I was so in love and I was so like, Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine leaving this child. And I had felt so conflicted and so guilty before I left.

And so when I left and I like worked right up till the last possible second, literally I worked on my due date. I came home that night. I went into labor. I mean, it was like bing, bang, boom. So I did not take any extra time off. And I came back after seven weeks because I felt like I really needed to be back and I needed to be back in my mode and all that good stuff and I needed to be, you know, doing my job that I had committed to doing that I was working like, I kid you not, 70 hours a week working and nights and weekends and you name it, I was doing it and I kind of like, Uh, laid on the floor and was like, Oh my gosh, I have to do everything for this job.

Right? Because that's what I had been told in college that you had to really give your all if you wanted to be successful in this business. So I really let that whole guilt thing overcome me and I came back and I'll never forget it as long as I live. I walked in and. Nobody made a big deal. Nobody asked me to see pictures of my son.

Nobody asked me how I was, how things were going, how I felt about leaving my son for the very first time. Now I was leaving him with my mom, so it wasn't a real big deal. And at that time I had messed with my hours and I was now working an afternoon to evening kind of night shift sort of thing. So I didn't even have to be gone from my son that much, but I'll never forget the feeling of, Oh my gosh, I just left my son for the first time and nobody even cares.

Like nobody welcomed me back. Nobody was excited to see me. It was the most kind of devastating feeling to me because I felt like I was It, you know, I felt like I was so important in my job and what I discovered was that Not only was I not that important in my job, yes, I was good at my job, but they had replaced me, and the person that they replaced me with was just as good as I was, and, you know, it didn't take her very long to get there because I had trained her up, and, you know, it was kind of like nobody even noticed I was gone.

So that was the day that I realized that, you know what, a job is a job and no matter whether you are a doctor or an attorney or a teacher or most jobs, a job is a job. Now, if we're talking about a teacher, it's a little bit different because those kiddos get really attached to you. But I'm also going to tell you, That while they get attached to you, it won't be long if you have to leave for an extended period of time, which hopefully you don't, but if you did, for them to be on board with the new music teacher or the music teacher that's taking your place for that little bit.

So what I want to talk to you today about is don't let guilt be your guide. Don't let your job be the end all be all. Don't be that person that like opens blood vessels for your job and you know, just it takes over your entire life. Now, I know that as people, as musicians, as parents, we let guilt overcome us and we let it guide our lives.

It is so easy to do that and It can lead you to spending too much time on menial tasks that literally mean nothing. If you are a parent, there are going to be things in your life that you're like, Oh my gosh, like I remember um, when my kids were little and I was trying to do all the things and I was trying to be the best mom and I'm working full time and like you are.

And I'm trying to make sure that my kids have the most amazing birthday parties and they have the most amazing Halloween costumes and they have, like, I was hand making Halloween costumes. I was doing all the things that my mom did when I was growing up, but she was a stay at home mom. And I'm not gonna tell you she wasn't busy because she was busy like crazy.

But I'll never forget one time I was, I don't know, my kids were probably like, Five and six and I had gone and made all these wonderful costumes and my husband at the time and I would dress up with them and all this and one of my kids was like, Mommy, can't we please just go to Walmart and get our costume?

And I was like, devastated for a second. And then I was like, Okay, maybe I don't have to do that. And I think as you learn and grow as a person, you realize that It's okay. Just because you're not doing all the things that the other people that you're seeing on social media and you're seeing in the neighborhood, I mean, there's always that mom or dad who is just so and just perfect and, you know, doing all the things with their kids.

But you don't know what's going on behind closed doors. You don't know what their marriage looks like. You don't know what their kids look like behind closed doors. You don't know how they're feeling. They're putting on that happy face for you on social media. They're putting on that happy face for you when you see them out and about with their children.

And you don't know. What a toll it's taking on them. I mean, look at the people who drive like a really, really nice car. And you're, you're like, Oh my gosh, they like, I can't even imagine how they afford that car on their teacher's salary. And maybe both people are teachers. Well, let me tell you what, that's called a willingness to go into debt.

So what I'm trying to say here is don't allow guilt over things that you can't do because you're a busy person and That FOMO that fear of missing out that we all have when we see somebody on social media Or we see somebody, you know doing all the things and we're like, I'm just not as good as them I'm just not as I I'm not the same as them But like I said, you don't know what's going on in their lives.

So let me talk to you a little bit about guilt. Number one, guilt is our way of Taking on fear and allowing fear to rule our lives. And when you allow fear to rule your life, it makes you physically and mentally ill. So, guilt is... Oh my gosh, if I don't do this for my children, like for me, if I don't make their costumes homemade, then they're gonna be scarred for life.

And if I don't make sure that I homemake the, the, the birthday cake, and I make all the invitations myself, my kids are gonna be scarred for life and they're not gonna grow up. Like I want them to grow up if you put this into the music teacher area. Oh my gosh, if I don't Make sure that my kids have the most amazing productions ever and I I stay after school and I Spend all of my time making sure they have these amazing costumes and the lighting is just so and, you know, all of the things that go into a good performance when you're in a high school or sometimes a middle school and they have extra people, they have students, they have staff members, they have assistants, they have all the things we as elementary school music teachers do not have that.

So when you put this guilt on yourself that it has to be a certain way and it has to look a certain way, you are first of all going to make yourself mentally ill. Second, you're going to make yourself physically ill because you're going to do things that, You really shouldn't. You're going to take time away from your life, away from the time that you spend resting and revamping and making your brain better so that you can be a good teacher.

You're gonna take time away from your family and what's it for? So that one night out of the year The parents are like, Oh my gosh, that was the most amazing program ever. Or maybe you get teacher of the year that year because the production is so amazing. Number two, guilt can drive people to work when they really shouldn't because they're worried about what their colleagues are going to think.

And they're worried about their students. Oh my gosh, if my students don't get this. valuable lesson from me, what's going to happen. Or they're worried about the sub saying, Oh my gosh, this person didn't leave me the right stuff. Whatever the case may be, worrying over that kind of thing. Hear me here. It's not valid.

It's not something you need to worry about. First of all, nine times out of ten, unless you have a music sub or you have a sub that is just phenomenally amazing. Which I know there are those out there, I've had them myself. Most times, your sub is not going to do what you left. Let's just be real here. They are not going to do, I, I had a, um, I came back after being gone, you know, a couple days, and the following week, I said to my students, Okay, now I know that Ms.

So and so did this with you, so we're going to move on to this. And they were like, No, she didn't. And I said, really? Because that's what I left her and they were like, well, she said she'd already done that once and she wasn't going to do that again. So that was the last time I used that sub, first of all.

But second, It, it kind of made me realize that, you know what, they're probably not going to do what you ask them to. And if they do do what you ask them to, it's not going to be the same. It's not going to be the same kind of lesson. So, when you're leaving a plan for a sub, I recommend, I just discovered, Lomax the Hound of Music.

There are, I know there's only a couple of them, the original creator. really likes. But to be honest, the other ones are pretty darn awesome too. There are 12 of them. They are a full 30 minute lesson. They will work for your pre K all the way through, I'd say second grade. depending on your third graders, maybe especially this time of the year, your third grade.

And I'm just going to tell you, Mr. Henry, I'm all about Mr. Henry. When I have a sub, he's got all of those four corners games. Those are amazing. You could do something like that. Do like leave a video for review. And, and he actually does a pretty good review on most of his stuff too. So don't. Feel guilty about not leaving these amazing, amazing sub plans.

Also don't worry about what is going to happen to your students. If you have to take some time off, if somebody is ill, if you are ill, do not come to work when you're sick. First of all, I'm sorry to say this, but it's irresponsible because now you're exposing All of those children and all of your coworkers to what you have and you might not like me for saying this, but it's the truth and I know for me like when a kid comes in sick or another adult comes in sick, I'm always kind of a little irritated about it because I'm like, I'm sorry, but why are you coming in sick and exposing me?

I get that they're doing it out of the goodness of their heart, but that's first and and I'm sorry if You know, you're that person that comes in sick and I understand where you're coming from because definitely it is a thing, you know, that that we feel guilty about. Even taking time off when we're sick.

So that's the first part of it. The second part of it is you need to stay home and take care of yourself. You cannot be a good teacher when you're sick. You know this and it's okay to stay home when you're sick. Don't let anybody tell you that it's not okay. It is totally okay. I am giving you permission to take time off when you are sick.

You need to take care of you first. No one is going to take care of you, except maybe your mom, the way that you can take care of you. So make sure that you take care of you, because nobody else is going to do it. Second, I'm sorry, but your kids are not going to miss you that much. They're, they're just not.

We, we are just one person in their lives, and let's be real here. They're not going to... You're not scarring them for life. That was my, my son Taylor would always say that to me. I'd be talking to him about something and he'd be worried about it. And he'd look at me and he'd go, Mom, I'm not going to be scarred for life.

Don't worry so much about it. And that is the truth. Nobody is going to Get more value from you when you come in sick or you come in worrying about your significant other or your parent who is ill. You need to be home with them. You need to be home with yourself if you are sick. So that is the second thing is guilt can drive people to work when they shouldn't be because you're worried And I get that you're worried.

It's true. Number three, guilt can happen because you want to be in control and you are taking pride in what you're doing. And again, I get this. You are the teacher. You are the person who is, you know, you, you know, all the things. And when you're not there, your children are not going to be learning in the same way.

I get this, but I'm going to tell you, don't let your pride and your, I mean, as teachers, we are all guilty of this. We are all guilty of being wanting to be in control. We want to be in control of how our day went. We want to be in control of what the students are learning. We are taking pride in it and we're like, nobody can do it as well as we can.

I'm sorry, but that's not always the case. There are plenty. I'm, I'm experiencing this a little bit myself because a fantastic, phenomenal music teacher took over my position when I left my full time job. And every time she posts on social media, which I'm so happy to see, but I'm going to admit to you, there's also that little part of me that's like, she's doing.

just as good of a job as I did and there's that part of me that prideful part of me that controlling part of me that's like Man, not, I never wanted her to fail, I never wanted her to, to, you know, I wanted her to succeed and I wanted my students to love her, but there's that little part that hurts my heart.

That's like, my students are not missing me as much as I hoped they would. You know, there's that little selfish part of you that feels that and let's admit that that's a part of being human and, and that's, that's something that we have to deal with. What I'm saying to you here is don't let your pride and your natural wanting to be in control of your classroom prevent you from taking time off when you need it, from taking care of yourself, from taking a mental health day if you need it.

It is okay. You have the time. They give you the time. to take it off. And that's what you need to do. Because guess what? If you don't take time for yourself when you are physically or mentally ill, and I don't mean mentally ill in like a big dramatic way, but when you need that mental break, when you need that time off, You are not going to be the fantastic teacher that I know you are and that you want to be.

So let's do a real quick review. Number one, do not let guilt to spend too much time on menial tasks that mean nothing. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to, and I'm not saying phone it in, but I'm saying, really look at your tasks at hand and go This is a task that I'd like to get done, but in the grand scheme, it's not going to affect my students in any way.

If I do it differently. Number two, do not come to work when you are sick or someone else is sick. You're not that important. I'm not that important. It is something that we need to own as teachers. No, they're not going to get the same experience if you're not there, but. It's more important for you to take care of you.

Number three, don't let control and pride. Enter into your decision making process when you are trying to decide to take a day off or to do things differently than you used to or whatever the case may be. If you got some great tips and tidbits that are going to help you become a happy music teacher, I would be so thankful if you'd leave me a review.

Thanks so much for your time. Well, that's all I have for you today. But before I go, let me remind you, keep learning, keep growing and keep being fabulous you.