The conversation begins with Adam Marburger and guest Ian Fee delving into the intricacies of personal transformation and the vital importance of self-awareness in one's journey through life. Ian, who has experienced both the heights of success and the depths of personal strife, illustrates how external achievements can often mask internal turmoil. The episode highlights the essence of the podcast 'Humans that Build,' which centers on real conversations about the work individuals must undertake within themselves before they can truly succeed in their external endeavors. Adam and Ian engage in a compelling discussion about the necessity of confronting one's challenges and the need for a supportive network to facilitate personal growth. As the dialogue progresses, Ian shares poignant anecdotes from his past that reveal the struggles he faced during critical junctures in his life, such as the sale of his company. This transition, rather than being a straightforward success, plunged him into a phase of introspection and emotional upheaval. He emphasizes the role of a positive social circle in shaping one's mindset and approach to life, asserting that the individuals we surround ourselves with significantly influence our personal trajectories. The discussion transitions to the importance of maintaining a positive outlook, particularly in an age dominated by negativity and distractions from social media and news. The episode takes a deeper turn as Ian opens up about his battle with addiction, discussing the pivotal moment that led him to seek rehabilitation. His candid reflections reveal not only the struggles of overcoming substance abuse but also the profound realizations that came from this experience. Ian underscores the importance of personal accountability and the significance of taking ownership of one's actions and choices. The episode concludes with a powerful message about legacy and impact, with Ian expressing his desire to be remembered for the positive energy he brings into others' lives. This conversation serves as a reminder that true success is rooted in self-awareness, meaningful connections, and the ongoing journey of personal development.

Takeaways:

• The podcast emphasizes the importance of having genuine conversations with real individuals in order to foster personal and professional growth.
• A pivotal theme discussed is the necessity of building internal strength before achieving external success in any field.
• The speakers highlight that a positive mindset is crucial for overcoming life's challenges and achieving one's goals.
• The significance of one's social circle is underscored, as it profoundly influences personal development and well-being.
• The conversation touches on the transformative power of vulnerability and sharing one's story to inspire others on their journeys.
• Lastly, the discussion reveals that true happiness is derived from within, rather than from external achievements or financial success.

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Wise F and I
• Southwest Dealer Services
• United Car Care
• EFG

This is Adam Marburger.

And this is humans that build real conversations with real people.

Not just about what they've built in the world, but what had to be built inside them first.

No hype, no shortcuts.

Just humans doing the work.

Humans that build.

Real people.

Real work.

What's up, everybody?

Welcome to Humans that Build.

I'm your host, Adam Marburger.

And today we're going to share a story with one goal and one goal in mind to make an impact.

Humans that Build exist to help individuals get to that next level in life by having conversations with those that have already been there.

Done that.

So today's guest, Ian Fee.

Welcome to Humans that Build.

How you doing, my brother?

Oh, man.

Thanks for having me.

You look sharp as always.

Well, I knew I was going to talk with you today, so I put on my favorite jacket.

That's really what it was.

So what part of the world you in today?

What's going on with Mr. Ian Fee today?

Currently in St. Louis doing a little reinsurance and loss review at Wise F and I.

Sounds fun.

Yeah, good stuff.

Taking care of dealers.

Is Matt taking you to his favorite restaurant?

I certainly hope so.

Okay.

I certainly hope so.

Let's abuse his Amex.

That's typically more fun than abusing our own Amex.

That is the goal.

Well, we're going to get right to it.

We're going to build what's called your code early.

We're going to build your code that help you build, and then we're going to break things down for our audience.

So I'm going to just get right to this.

All right, so have a little exercise.

I do this intentionally where we don't really practice this.

I know you're, you know, you've been in automotive for a little bit, so you're not afraid to be put on the spot.

So I'm not worried about it.

I don't think you are either.

So let's get right to it.

I'm going to have you fill in the blanks on these short sentences.

All right?

So the first one is, I hit the wall when.

Fill in the blank.

Second divorce approaching.

Okay, okay.

Piggyback off of that.

You know.

You know, where were you in your life when that happened?

Boy, I just sold my company.

Partying like a rock star, entertaining clients.

As you know, in the car business, man, we do happy hours and a lot of cool events.

We get to attend, obviously, in Vegas and LA F1 races and NASCARs and just all those cool events and just living the life.

Partying like a rock star with clients.

Yep.

Okay, well, the first thing you changed was my circle.

Okay.

Okay.

And what does that look like today?

My circle was so big, Adam.

It was insane.

Especially in this industry.

We're very social, approachable, likable guys.

So, you know, we're magnets for energy.

I could be out entertaining clients on a doing happy hour at a Daniels in Seattle.

That would turn into even a later happy hour.

That would turn into, hey, why don't we just end this and grab a case of wine and come to my house and sit in the hot tub and in 10 minutes I could shoot a text to 20 people and have 20, 30 people at my house and party like rock stars.

My circle today is so small and intimate and it is a game changer of that circle that is so important.

No matter what you're doing in life, whether it's business, sobriety, you know, mental growth, physical growth, man, your circle is everything.

And we'll touch on that.

I agree with that wholeheartedly.

We talk about you're the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.

And I strive to be the least talented person at the table as much as possible, always.

And we'll come back to that.

So now here's this short sentence.

Now, I don't.

Drink, okay?

And I always.

Positive mindset.

Okay.

You know, what has that done?

So let me.

Let's.

I'm going to purposely stop for a second.

Positive mindset.

A lot of people struggle with that.

What's the importance of carrying that positive mindset?

How does that control your day?

We are so influenced.

So one of the things I do and I stack all these baby habits over time, they didn't all happen at once.

As you know, I don't look at my phone for the first half hour of waking.

You know, I do my gratitude, I do my prayers in the morning, I go outside even when it's cold as daylight's in Seattle and do some breath work and stretch.

I thought 95 year old ladies journal.

I journal one page of just my day gratitude again.

Getting my mind right, getting my body right.

Before, you know, you look at your phone, man, we got to react.

And typically we're so inundated with just negative crap all the time in our life.

And social media, you know, the scrolling, you know, depends who you follow, what you don't follow.

The news is absolutely just draining.

And I was reading a fun stat.

3 Minutes of the news affects your day 27% negatively, 3 minutes of the news.

Wow.

I believe that stat.

I believe that.

Yeah.

It's insane.

So for me, it's getting your mind right, your body right, your mental state, right?

Of like, hey, man, I'm going to go tackle and win the day, right?

And I always be like.

I look in the mirror and be like, it's on me.

It's on me to set the tone.

It's on me to set the tone for my guys, my family, for me, the people around me, and just bring that energy.

And I try to just.

I put blinders on like horse and try not to listen to all this negative noise that goes on in our world because really, at the end of the day, we impact what we meant to that.

So first move, you've got somebody that's just stuck.

What's the first move somebody should make when they're stuck?

Great question.

And I always come back to who are you hanging out with?

Who is your circle?

Your circle dictates who you are.

You may not realize that, and a lot of people absolutely don't get that.

They've been my high school friend forever.

I've worked with them forever.

But there's people that give you energy and there's people that actually suck the life out of you.

And a lot of people, just because they've known them for so long, that that's just part of their circle and they don't realize that that's the problem.

That's why a lot of times people are stuck.

They want to get out.

They want to do things.

They want to.

They have these goals and these aspirations.

They want to be healthier.

They don't want to drink, they don't want to do this.

Check your circle, man.

That is the number one thing I preach all the time, is your circle is dictates who you are.

And sometimes it's very, very tough to change your circle.

And you got to get uncomfortable.

And it's okay to get uncomfortable.

You and I, we have similar stories.

And, you know, we both wrote books.

I wrote a book about my past.

And one of the most important decisions I personally made was to learn to love certain people from a distance.

You know, I was that.

That guy at one point where I wanted to be liked by everyone.

I wanted to hang out with everyone.

I wanted to be in every single little circle with everyone.

And then I found myself in a world of complacency.

And when I made the decision to start cutting individuals from my life, that did not bring value to myself or I wasn't equally reciprocating value because it wasn't the right relationship.

I made decisions to love those from a distance.

I never stopped being those people's friends.

I just wasn't kicking it with them.

But here's what happened.

My life went to the next level, Kind of like what happened with you, Ian.

And I'm going to get right to this because you gave me kind of the foundation.

Now we're going to get right into it.

Now.

You're a successful man.

You've built companies, you've sold companies.

You run a massive company right now.

So let's go back in time for you before your male modeling career.

Let's talk about where did it all start for you, Ian?

Let's talk about your business life.

Take us back in time.

Where did it all start?

Yeah, for me, in the automotive space, it really started back in 02.

I was running hotels prior to getting in the car business.

And one of my hotel buddies, his good friend, best friend, was a GM at a Chevy store, and they had a sailboat together, and we would go party and drink like rock stars.

And I was very good in the hotel business.

And it was all about people and the success there.

And he's like, hey, kid, you need to come make some real money.

You should get in the car business.

I was like, sounds good.

And then my body's like, hey, go.

Go make a change.

You can always come back to the hotel business.

So I got into the car business, selling cars at a little tiny Chevy store in would be island just outside of Seattle, with the intent to go into finance.

So I sold cars for two months, obviously, as the top sales guy, because I'm selling to all my friends and family like everybody else in the car business.

And I moved right into finance quickly after that.

And then I realized, holy cow, there is phenomenal money to be made.

Car business was great interest rates.

You could hold, you know, massive points.

There was no, no limitations on rate spreads.

So it was a great time to be in the F and I space.

Then I befriended good friends and became my business partner is like, hey, you need to come on this side of business.

He was my.

My warranty rep and gab and all our product provider and f and I trainer.

And he's like, hey.

And I was two years into finance, and I was doing well.

And, you know, I was working ding da dong.

And I had young kids, so I was working, you know, sometimes seven days a week.

All the hours, all the hours from.

From 9 to 10, maybe a Sunday off, so you can get burnout pretty quick in the car biz.

But I was making so much money, and, you know, I was the guy and I was the provider for my family.

And the only product we had at the time was EFG high mileage.

In my first year, Adam, in this business, I made $8,652.

Not a month my first year.

As you know, the sales cycle in our industry is very slow sometimes.

And I know there's dealers you've been calling on for 20 years that you're.

You're still calling on.

So, yeah, that's how I dabbled into starting our own agency.

We obviously got more products.

United Car Care Wise products.

Every product that all of us all have now these days, and just banging on doors, making a living, hustling, entertaining clients.

And that was a big pivotal point for me, man.

It was.

I did not realize when I sold, I was in Vegas with a couple people we all know and a couple clients.

And when that thing funded, man, it was about two days after leaving Vegas.

It was the most depressing time of my life.

And super, you know, suicidal thought, like, what.

What's next?

Like, it was over.

I didn't enjoy the journey one second.

You know, it's the whole end goal is to.

To sell and make money and provide for your family.

So it was really, really tough.

Can I make a statement?

So what you're saying is, and I know, I respect what you do, you built a company from scratch.

First year, you made $8,000.

I can relate.

Probably had some debt on the books, had to leverage some money, move some things around.

I bet your household was stressful.

I could relate to those things.

Right.

But then you're a human that built.

You built a company, and you were a part of an exit, which most people don't get to do.

So you had a couple dollars.

Now at this point, you had some money and you found yourself lost, broken, and depressed.

Is that what I was hearing from you?

Exactly, yeah.

We're all chasing the green and money and success.

And, man, I got to tell you, man, one of the biggest lessons I sit here today is it ain't about money.

It is not.

You know, money isn't.

I thought money was happiness.

And happiness is something you really have to dig down and dig deep and find inside yourself.

And again, your.

Your friends, your family, your closest circle at the end of the day, you know, end.

Your health, man, you don't have your health, you don't have wealth.

You know.

Amen to that.

Let me ask you this.

You know, it sounds to me like that was.

And I want to kind of piggyback on that season, too.

But going back before then, as you were building, before you exited, what was the most difficult season that you went through in your business?

And how did you come through that?

Yeah, you know, when I think it was 08 09, it was a big hit right in the housing market, the car market.

It was just brutal.

And we looked at as opportunity to grow in our building of success of our company.

I don't think.

Well, I know we.

We never looked at failure.

We looked at opportunities.

And one product, that's all we focused on for.

For almost two years.

You know, granted, we had other business, but we just absolutely grew our paint and fab and bundle business by focusing on one product for those really tough years.

And so we never really.

We had those blinders on.

We always looked at things of like, if there's a downtime, there's opportunity.

We've always kind of had that mindset of we.

We didn't sit in the corner and pout and go, hey, the poor market's dictating this.

We control the market.

We are the market.

So we're going to go set the tone for it.

So we've had.

We, you know, even in those down times, we didn't have down revenue.

We had growth in those times.

So, yeah, I mean, you didn't play woe is me.

You didn't play the victim game.

You came up with a solution and you ran hard.

So going back to what we were talking about a few minutes ago, you know, after you sold and you used the word suicidal thoughts.

And here's the thing, I don't.

This show is designed to get deep and to be real, there's nothing I'm holding back from this show even for my personal self and for my guests on the show.

They're free to share as much or as little as they would like.

But let me make A statement here.

I can relate to that feeling.

And I can remember yesterday being in a place where I felt broken and hopeless.

And I remember looking at my pistol on my nightstand, and I was never going to take my life.

I have three daughters.

But for the first time in my life, I could comprehend why people do see.

My best friend and business partner took his life, the guy I started my company with.

It was a black cloud that stuck with me for years.

And I used to resent him.

I forgave him.

Full forgiveness has been given.

But I got to a place to where I said, how dare I judge him or you, Ian, or anyone that has a thought like that when I'm not in their shoes to understand what they were going through, I give a lot of grace, and I like to hear people's stories.

When you talk about having that moment of darkness, what am I going to do?

Having suicidal thoughts?

I can relate to that at the highest level.

Now what I want to know is, what did you do about that?

What.

What is a.

That was the darkness that was there.

You had some money.

You know, you had some money because you exited.

You probably felt lost.

What am I gonna do now?

Probably some substance abuse, right?

Maybe some alcohol were.

Probably.

Was.

I don't know if it was.

It mixed in at that time as well.

Oh, that was probably at the peak of my drinking days.

Are you good to talk about some of this?

Oh, yeah.

You read my book.

There's nothing like an impact on somebody.

Yeah, tell us, because there's a lot of folks out there that are struggling, man.

So let's talk through that.

You got the money in the account?

Money's not an issue, but maybe relationships and decision making.

Let's talk through the mess.

And how did you get out of the mess?

Yeah, so I got out of the mess again.

My circle, my circle, you know, the suit.

I have three kids.

So, you know, those thoughts happen.

Doesn't mean you're gonna execute on them.

But it was like, man, what.

What's left?

Right?

It's.

And also when.

When you're coming off, you know, a week bender in Vegas with your buddies, and you have all this anxiety that it's hard to have clarity.

So I was just in a fog, and thank goodness I got really good.

You know, my core four, my core six are just my ride or dies.

They, man, they've pulled me out of all kinds of stuff in my drinking days to.

To keeping me on track today.

Transition of the company, it's going smooth.

Everything's great, Great, great people.

A great company.

Still work with them today.

2017 Is when kind of the wheels came off approaching my second failed marriage and kind of not kind of got nudged into like, hey, you need to get your shit together and you should probably go to rehab.

10 Days aversion therapy, induced vomiting.

It was absolute chaos for 10 days.

We can dive into that if you want, but it's, you know.

Yeah, if you would.

I mean, what does that mean?

Tell me a little bit about that type of therapy.

I did read your book, but a lot of our viewers have not and they, they're not familiar with this.

So if you would talk about what, what helped you, what was the therapy?

Yeah, so they put you like, you go into a doctor's office, but it's a full bar.

There's this mirror in front of you, a silver bowl.

They give you epicac.

You got kids, you know what epicac is?

It induces vomiting.

If they get poison or get into some stuff, they give you a nice 16 ounce glass of that.

As you know, it just makes you woozy.

It makes you, you know, feel like the worst hangover you've had.

Oh, shit, I'm going to vomit.

Your mouth's watering.

And then we call them the bartenders, but the nurses would give you a shot of vodka, swish it around in your mouth, spit it out in the bowl, and they try to get you to 18 shots.

By about the third shot that you're swishing around in your mouth, you're violently puking in this bowl.

But they get you to 18 shots.

And then they put you back in your room.

They check on you every 10 minutes and you are just violently vomiting.

And I remember vividly, Adam, clock was right above me.

I was like, man, it's an hour and a half.

I think I'm finally feeling better.

And you're absolutely gassed.

And.

And they come in with a nice glass of salt water and another 16 ounces of EPICAC.

And you keep going for another hour and a half, two hours.

And they're checking on you every 10 minutes.

They're checking your oxygen level and your blood pressure and all that.

And you do that for 10 days.

And you also, you go see a therapist and you do some group counseling.

Yeah, on my last day.

They call them Duffy days.

Your puke days.

I threw up in the trash can before I went in the Room, knowing what's coming.

My aversion's so high.

So as you know, Vegas is next week.

I can go sit in bars, I can go do all that.

But every blue moon, you know, sitting at the bar or whatever, tequila shot or a fireball will roll by in my mouth will water.

Today, eight years later, my aversion is still so high with alcohol that if I wanted to drink, I could not violently puke.

Yeah.

So the success rate There was about 78 success rate at this 10 day rehab called Shikshado in Seattle.

It's no longer around, unfortunately, in Washington.

They thought it was a little inhumane, I guess.

Is there any other clinics like that.

Anywhere in the US not that I've found or researched for people because a lot of people ask if it's still around.

And I, I was super nervous going into it because I had a couple clients go in prior to me going in and knowing how intense it was, it was like the most nervous I've ever been to do anything, knowing what was coming and how brutal it was.

But the success was there, so.

And I didn't want people to know I was gone.

You could have your phones and your laptop, so nobody knew I was gone work wise.

Because I could answer my phones, I could deal with claims, I could deal with, you know, integration issues or all the stuff that we deal with on a daily basis.

So I, I didn't want to go to like a 30 day Betty Ford or go somewhere to Palm Springs or.

I think all those are great.

I just didn't have the time in my mind to do that.

So.

And I tell you, my most, you know, people go, hey, where was your rock bottom?

Where was, you know, and I stacked lots of rock bottoms.

People would be like, man, you're cutting it close a little.

So I had a lot of those red flags that I just stacked and those, those rock bottoms.

I kept stacking my rock bottoms.

But on that third day in rehab, the good Lord touched me on the shoulder and says, unless you're right, nothing's going to be right.

I went into, I went into rehab to save my second marriage.

I went in for my kids, I went in for my business, I went in for my friends.

I went in for everybody else but me.

And on the third day, I get chills talking about it.

Something tapped me on the shoulder and it's like, hey, unless you're, unless you get your together, nothing, nothing will ever be right unless you're right.

And man, that just hit me like a ton of bricks and was like, yeah, I need to get myself right.

You know what?

I need to be a better dad.

I need to be a better business owner, I need to be a better friend.

I need to set the tone.

And I just embrace that and embrace the rehab, embraced all the classes, embraced every piece of counseling and be like, I'm coming out of here a better man.

And I wake up every day and go, how can I be better today?

Every day, try to be better.

And I just set the world on fire.

When I came out of rehab.

Well, what did it look like?

So when you left rehab, what are those first like say 30 to 90 days?

Well, was there ever an ounce of oh, I could go, maybe have a drink or was there a close call maybe along the way where you there were.

The day I got out of rehab happened to be Halloween and going home, see the wife go trick or treat with the eight year old all dressed up.

Pivotal moment for me could have like, you know, this new guy, seven days right of like I'm coming out, I'm going to be better.

And that was a big pivotal point of like I could go right back.

This was all for none.

And I was like, nope, I am going to manage through this and get through this and it's going to be just fine.

I'd way rather go through this.

We're going to with a clear head, no fog.

And so I just embraced that and it was far gone by then.

You know, all my, all my relationship issues were me.

Every single one of them were me.

It was a thousand percent my fault.

You know, these two great ex wives, we get along great today, great relationships, great with kids.

I was the problem.

And a lot of people have a problem looking in the mirror going, I'm the problem.

And I played victim when I was drinking.

It was everybody else's fault.

It was like, what do you mean you, it's two in the morning, it's fine.

We can grab a bottle of wine and go sit at the hot tub.

It's fine.

Everybody else was the problem for except me.

And today I live and preach like it's on me.

Yeah, you know, I, you got to Be accountable for yourself and your actions.

And you know, like you talked about forgiveness a little bit ago.

You forgave your buddy and you have to forgive your younger self.

You have to believe in your current self and you have to create your future self.

Amen to that.

Amen to that.

You know, being self aware, in my opinion is one of the most beautiful traits a human can possess that many don't.

And you know our stories, we've got some similar stories.

Steve took his life April 1st, lost my grandfather in May, and then 13 year old marriage in June, it was gone.

I spent 90 days partying similar to like you.

I don't know if I got to your level, but I was close, bro.

I remember, I remember being in my bathroom, brushing my teeth in August, looked in the mirror for the first time with real clarity and real self awareness.

And I get a lot of crap in the Christian community.

But I titled my book, you're the effing problem.

It's a guide to getting out of your own way.

The reason I titled it you're the effing problem because I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, it's you, you, it's you.

You are the problem.

And so I had to make some decisions, get out of my own way.

And it wasn't easy to do because we are typically the ones keeping us from the good stuff.

We're the ones typically keeping us from that next level that God has in store for us because we keep getting in the way.

So I love the fact that you are now sharing your story with everyone.

Ian, you are such a positive influence online.

Everything that comes from you is positive.

It's real.

It's not, pardon my language, it's not bullshit.

You've got a story and you're here trying to help people is what you're doing.

So now let's transcend.

We'll land the plane.

This final part of this conversation with your book.

Let's talk about your book.

What compelled you to write it?

How long has it been in the market and what's been the impact and the input that you've received since writing this book?

Great question.

So when the book started, so we have a corporate office in Irvine in a couple of us, I won't name any names.

No need.

Go to this place that we always have lunch.

Well, we used to go have martini lunches during these functions and hang out and the three of us are sitting at this Table across from where we always used to sit.

And three dudes, similar to us having martini lunches, having a ball, flirting with the girls, you know, getting louder, getting rowdy.

And one of the guys like, man, that used to be us.

And be like, yeah.

And we start chuckling about some of our goofy stupid stories.

And one of the guys like, we should write a book.

I was like, we should write a book.

One of the guys, like, I know a ghostwriter.

So it kind of just started there.

The book started with three, and I wanted to be naked, truthful.

It's all out there.

My whole story.

I have nothing to be ashamed of.

If I can make an impact, it's there.

And that was uncomfortable for a couple of guys.

So they backed out.

They're very important part of the book and their stories in the book, with them in there telling some of their stories, I just didn't want to be as public as I was.

So we started the book together.

I finished 70% of it.

We had to pivot a little bit, which was fine.

And it took about 17 months to write.

And if I wrote it, you've obviously seen my texts or emails.

It'd be six pages and a caveman writing it.

So I hooked up with this ghost rider in Scottsdale and we became very good friends.

Spent hundreds and hundreds of hours together.

He met my kids, he met my closest circle, he's met my most important people in my life.

And he really put the book out there.

And it's not chapter driven, as you know.

You could pick it up in one spot and pick it.

It's 144 pages, super easy to read.

There's pictures in there with my closest friends, a lot of people that, you know, when you see those pictures that were my circle, they're my ride or dies, and my kids and my mom and dad.

It was very therapeutic.

It was amazing.

I'm sure with you writing your book of just the different emotions you have and the clarity you got and the feelings and the resentment that you get to let go.

I didn't realize how much resentment I had towards my parents.

I grew up very poor in The Salton Sea, 50 miles south of Palm Springs.

It's the armpit of the world.

And I funded my parents really from the age of 13.

I was working in a bar as a dishwasher, but I was pouring beer at 13 out of a triple wide trailer that was converted into a bar.

And I go home and give my money to my parents because we needed to live.

And I was on food Stamps and powdered milk, which is horrible.

I don't have milk to this day because of that.

So.

So it was very therapeutic.

And I didn't realize the resentment I was carrying towards my parents of that.

I just.

It's the right thing to do.

Somebody's got to step up and be the man in the family.

And it was just part of life.

And I had a lot of forgiveness writing the book.

My parents did the best they could with what they had.

Like, we all do.

There is no, no book that you go get and be like, hey, here's a book for you.

Go be a great parent.

Nobody has that book doing the best they can.

Yeah.

And I had to do a lot of forgiveness.

A lot of people ask me, hey, do you go out and apologize to people?

You know, kind of like that AA format?

A little bit.

I did it.

People ask me, did I go to my kids and ask for forgiveness or apologize to my kids?

I didn't because I've lost 80 pounds.

Health, wellness is super important to me.

And kids catch more than we teach.

So my kids have caught the change in their dad.

They know that their dad is so consistent these days in their stories.

There's.

I had each one of my kids write about their dad of.

I didn't know what kind of dad he was going to be.

Was he a good dad or a good mood?

Bad mood, Happy, sad.

I didn't know what kind of dad I was going to get when I came home.

So that touches a lot of parents, hearts.

It's very tearful to.

To talk about those sometimes of the damage that I created.

I'm thinking I'm the party dad.

Hey, I got all the kids here.

Let's do fireball shots.

Like, my house was a party house.

I was like the cool dad, but I was the worst influential dad possible.

And my kids were catching all that.

Kids catch more than you teach them.

I'm hoping, hoping here.

I'm purposely interrupting you for a second because I'm hoping that if you dads or even moms hear this because, you know, I'm going through a season now where, you know, my girlfriend Sylvia and I, we don't play any games.

There's no, you know, and we got high school kids.

One scenario where a couple kids had a few beers there one time and we immediately compensated.

Get out of here.

Keys.

Like, we do not play that game.

There is no chance in hell that we're going to be the party house now.

We'll be the safe house.

We'll be the fun House.

I'd like to say I'm a pretty cool, fun dad.

At least I think I am.

And I know Sylvia's pretty cool.

But we ain't playing those games of allowing these children to sit around and partake in alcoholic activity, especially at age 16, 17, or even 18.

Not happening.

Never happened, not on our watch.

You know, and unfortunately, I was that guy.

I was that guy.

My, my oldest, you know, was in high, you know, senior, daughter, sophomore, you know, she'd be the one texting me, be like, dad.

And this is, this is on a Wednesday, Adam, at midnight, and there's 20 people at my house and I'm ordering pizza and doing fireball shots with 17 year old kids, being like, hey, come on, you, you can do another one.

Like, I was that dad.

I was the one that you are the absolute opposite of.

And it was horrible.

Like, I can look in the mirror and go, that was not great.

That was horrible parenting.

But at that time, man, I was, I was, I was the, I played the victim role.

I played like, where's the problem?

There's no problem.

All the kids are here.

I know where they're at.

I'm not going to let them drive.

Like, I was smart enough to take their keys and my wife at the time was smart enough to not let anybody leave without an Uber.

So I thought I was like this really cool dad.

Well, I wasn't.

I was the opposite.

I was the opposite of what I preach today, of like being a leader and a good mentor and setting an example.

So, yeah, that's all in the book.

And it'll pull at some heartstrings, it'll make you laugh.

There's some stories in there that we can all relate to in the car business.

We can all relate to.

Yeah.

I really enjoy the book and I'll make sure too, that, you know, we'll have some links and we'll share that out with the audience so they can take a look at that book.

And I kind of want to, first of all, thank you for.

I know you're busy traveling this week, you've got a lot going on.

I really appreciate you taking the time to chat with me.

And I kind of want to land the plane on this conversation because here's what I think about this conversation.

Yeah, you're successful, you built companies, you've done some great things, you kind of hit rock bottom, you got yourself back, you've got your relationship with your kids and you've got your great circle.

But what's the legacy that you want to Leave.

I would love to know 150 years from now, your name gets mentioned.

What do you want people to say about you?

That guy made an impact on me.

That's really all we want at the end of the day is like, how can you go make that guy?

He.

The energy he brought into a room, he changed the room.

The impact he made on his family, his transformation, that if anybody can do it, if I can do it, if somebody told me that 10 years ago, I'd be like, you're full of it, man.

There is no way today anybody can do it.

If I can do it, if I could write a book and I can go tell a story and I can transform my body from shedding 80 pounds and my mindset and being a great influence for.

For people around me and my kids and be that energy.

That's all I want, is like, man, that guy made a transformation in his life, and he made an impact on me.

He made an impact on me because he was kind.

He made an impact on me because he was always so thoughtful.

He made an impact on me just with his energy, man.

When he hugged you, you could feel the energy.

No different than you.

You are that guy, too.

Like, you light up a room.

You have that energy.

When you speak on social media, man, it's you.

I don't.

Stop scrolling, I'd be like, I want to hear what this guy has to say because he gives me great energy and great vibes.

And I know you do that with your family.

I know you do that with your crew, and that's your success, man, and what you're doing with your podcast and all your businesses, but you just bring in electric energy, and it's magnetic to be around those people.

So I appreciate you having me because this is just you, man.

I appreciate.

I always.

I always tell everybody I'm a gigantic work in progress, and I love the journey.

This has been a great conversation.

I know you and I. I think I'm going to see you in Vegas in a few weeks.

Yeah.

Yep.

I can't wait to come see you.

Give me a big squeeze, Vegas.

I love you, brother.

Hey, I appreciate you coming on, sharing your story.

Being vulnerable like this is not a lot of people aren't willing to share the stuff that we shared.

And I'm hoping that just somebody hears this and it changes their life so they can go out and change someone else's life.

That's what this is about.

So for those tuning in, thank you so much for tuning in to humans that build.

And Ian Fee, thank you so much for being a wonderful guest.

Have a wonderful rest of your week, and we'll see you next time.

Humans that build, real people, real work.

See you next time.

It.