Gospel Talks Podcast – Ep. 53: From Addiction to Redemption with Tony Mendez

In this gripping and hope-filled episode of Gospel Talks, host George Binoka sits down with Tony Mendez, a man whose journey from addiction, trauma, and jail to freedom, faith, and family restoration is nothing short of miraculous.

Tony opens up about the pain of his childhood, the instability of his home, the deep wounds left by broken relationships, and how those circumstances drove him into years of substance abuse. But that’s only the beginning.

You’ll hear how God used the faithful love of Tony’s sister, the support of his church community, and the power of the gospel to bring real transformation into his life. From sleeping beside a freeway addicted to fentanyl, to now being clean, baptized, and leading others to Christ, Tony’s story is a powerful testimony to the love of Jesus and the truth that no one is beyond redemption.

🎧 In this episode, you’ll hear about:

✅ The deep impact of childhood trauma and family dysfunction

✅ How addiction took over Tony’s life

✅ A honest answer to the question: "Why would God allow suffering?"

✅ What finally broke through and led to real change

✅ The role of love, community, and discipleship in recovery

✅ The Exchange Bible study and its life-changing impact

✅ A beautiful family moment at his baptism

✅ How you can better minister to people battling addiction or living on the streets

If you’ve ever wondered how to help someone struggling with addiction or how God can reach people in the darkest places, this episode is for you.

🔗 Learn more about The Exchange Ministry:

Visit exchangemessage.org

💝 Help us send Bibles to jails and prisons or support our addiction recovery outreach:

Give at exchangemessage.org/give

🕓 Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Tony's Journey

01:01 Early Life and Family Dynamics

04:58 Influence of Family and Ego Development

06:46 Struggles with Addiction and Family Relationships

10:52 The Question of Suffering and God's Role

13:24 The Depths of Addiction

16:39 Turning Point and Path to Recovery

19:03 Encouragement for Others in Similar Situations

19:55 The Power of Love and Kindness

20:47 Finding Help and Support

21:12 The Role of Faith in Recovery

22:31 Building Connections Through Faith

23:45 Seeking God and Community

25:28 The Importance of Guidance in Faith

26:48 Understanding God's Love

27:37 Questions of Faith and Understanding

28:42 Transformation Through Acceptance

30:05 Reaching Out to Those in Need

32:07 The Journey to Baptism and Family Support

36:11 New Chapter

Welcome to Gospel Talks podcast where we help Christians all over the world become more

effective in relational evangelism and discipleship.

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My name is George Binoka and I'm your host today.

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And with me is Tony Mendez and Tony's a dear friend of mine, a brother in Christ.

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And I've had the privilege of baptizing Tony.

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And so I just asked him onto the podcast today because we want to encourage you guys as

our listeners, we know that you're the laborers going out into the harvest.

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and trying to reach people with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

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And I think Tony's story is gonna be really encouraging to you guys today.

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It's a fascinating one and I think he has a lot to share that's gonna be helpful to

Christians all over the world on this topic.

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So Tony brother, I've known you now for a year and we've eaten a lot of food together.

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Definitely.

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It's one of the common themes of our life and something you and I share a love for.

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and you have an incredible story.

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I don't know where you want to start in your journey.

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but wherever you want to start us off, brother, go ahead.

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Yeah, growing up,

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Bye y'all.

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My grandmother, which was really the only grandparent I was, how would you say, around

that, was a faithful Christian.

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My parents, every now and again, they talked about God, but it was always real short and

brief.

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So the time spent with my nana, she would tell us about Bible scripture, and a lot of it

was pointing out things about the family around us, you shouldn't do this, you shouldn't

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do this.

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I understood what she was saying, but it seemed like she was about the only person around

me that was really living it out.

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So it was hard for me to put importance on, I guess, on what she was saying because it

seemed everybody was doing what they wanted and living life their

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on their own terms and trying to see God through the whole mess that everybody around me

was creating for me was really hard.

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Was your grandmother a Christian or like went to church?

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Yeah, she.

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She always watched sermons on TV and few times.

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Did she ever take us to church because the whole life was really busy.

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She's one of those grandmothers that took care of her children, took care of her

children's children.

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and then her children, all the way to her great grandchildren to this day.

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So when you say people did whatever they wanted, are you kind of, I mean, did people in

your family generally acknowledge Jesus Christ or was it kind of like, oh, that's our

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grandmother's faith, it's not really our faith or we acknowledge it but we don't really

live like it?

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So the family that I was mostly surrounded by was my father and just for a few years his

brothers and then just some cousins.

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my dad, he would always say, he would tell us God is your true father.

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you are my children and God's gonna hold me accountable for how good of a job I do as a

father.

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But that's about where he kept it.

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Because he was always at work a lot.

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it was at work and home life that he created was very unstable.

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my sister followed my Nana's footsteps.

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So but my other uncles that were around for a little while, they were just really involved

in drug activity and gang life.

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home was, violent.

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At times, there was a lot of hostility That's, an aspect of life my dad tried to shelter

us from.

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And his relationship with my mom when they were married was not good at all.

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God was not in their relationship.

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They didn't put God at the center of their relationship.

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So that's why at a young age, my parents divorced.

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Is your mom a Christian?

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Yeah.

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my mom, would sing Jesus loves you this I know to us when we were little.

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And that's one like really good memory I have of her when I was little.

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But my parents got divorced when I was five or six, I think.

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So I didn't see my mom for a long time because once they got divorced, my dad kicked her

out of the house and I didn't see her for

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eight or nine years after that.

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my mom struggled with drinking a lot too.

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when I was able to move back in with my mom around age 13, it was just, it was all bad.

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So who were you living with up to age 13?

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my dad, he moved us in with my grandmother, his mother, my Nana.

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And so she was like the mother of the house.

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us for a while there.

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And then my dad got remarried shortly afterwards.

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And then there was a domestic fight at the house.

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my dad and my nana split the household.

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So my sister stayed with my nana because my dad didn't feel that he could properly raise a

woman because my dad was a rough guy.

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that's why my sister turned out to be the most responsible and probably one of the better

examples of a good Christian that I had in my life throughout all this because she was one

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person who always reminded me you know Jesus loved you and every time the four times I

went to rehab three of those times she's the one who sent me a Bible made sure I took a

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Bible with me and then she would explain to me the best she could about my situation the

way God saw it and those words that she shared with me

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in those moments really wasn't stuff I wanted to hear, but it was the words I held onto

dearly because everything she said, what God said about me or God's love, like those

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things stuck with me.

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I never forgot him even though I didn't want to hear him.

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So in God's providence, you got sent down this path of I'm now going to be more influenced

by my dad and his brothers than I am my Nana for a while.

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And how, what kind of spiritual effect did that have on you?

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What?

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How did that change your life being influenced by those guys?

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I.

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I developed an ego that stood in the way of everything.

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it was looking at my dad, my uncles, was the whole, can't tell me nothing about what I'm

doing.

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As long as I take care of my stuff, you shouldn't have a problem with what I'm doing.

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And if you do, there's going to be a problem between us type attitude.

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just let me do what I want.

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you can't tell me nothing that's kind of stuck with me for a long time because I admired

that about my dad because he was a real scary person.

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And me growing up, as you could see, I was little bit of a wimp and I was afraid of a lot

of things, but my dad was somebody who always had my back.

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And I saw that everybody was afraid of him.

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Are you comfortable telling the audience what your dad did for a living?

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Oh, he was when he was younger, he enlisted in the Navy and he's real modest about it.

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He'll say, I was an engine man.

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But he, um, yeah, for

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six or seven years there he was a SEAL Team Six

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I was watching him and what he has suffered through as far as his condition when he came

back like I'm real appreciative of what the veterans go through and just what it looks

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like for someone to I guess sacrifice the innocent part of them I wouldn't say innocent

but

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it does something to the nice part of them.

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It definitely affects the conscience.

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And

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watching him tell me that God was what I needed, but watching him suffer with what he

suffered with and thinking like, wow, I could not fathom what it is my dad goes through.

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But yet he tells me Jesus Christ is who I need to lean on.

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because

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He told us that every now and again and really did he didn't never went to church really.

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so was kind of hard to trust that.

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but again, that stuck with me this is what my dad says helps a man like him and saves a

man like him.

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And that's what I need to do.

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And that's the one thing I couldn't do.

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And just watching him struggle with, everything he hadn't given to God at the time, it

was.

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I guess real humbling to watch my childhood superhero turn human in front of me.

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But yet he still relied on God.

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And I remember there was a moment where my dad wanted me to get down on my knees and pray

with him.

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I couldn't do it.

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I remember, this was 10 years ago maybe.

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And he...

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He kept asking me please son get down I want you to do this with me and that I can't I

can't and it was because I was already hooked on drugs heavily and I was just full of so

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much self hatred I had no peace no inner peace at all no love for myself and I hated the

world around me but I was trying to be there for my family when I couldn't even be there

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for myself

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So going back to 13, I mean, how did you go from 13 to finding yourself in drugs?

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I how long did that take?

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all it took was me moving in with my mom.

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My dad came to a point where my dad had his last wife

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had

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me and my two brothers, and then his daughter that he had with his new wife and then her

daughter.

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And my dad told us, I can't afford to take care of you guys So I'll give you the option to

move in with your mother and go see what that woman is like.

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And that's something that he would say about my mom that I didn't like.

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He's always like, I keep you from your mom because at some point you're going to see what

type of woman she is.

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really, she was just, she hated my dad for the way the relationship was.

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Because when he came back from the Navy, she got all of his PTSD fresh.

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And One reason he married her was because he got her pregnant.

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He didn't marry her because he loved her or planned to have A family with her.

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Yeah.

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in his words, it was the old fashioned thing to do.

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I thought it was the right thing to do.

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So I just married her and tried to make it work.

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so me and my twin brother, we chose to move in with my mom because for all those years

that I hadn't seen my mom,

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I want to see my mom.

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want to see my mom.

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I love my mom.

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I miss my mom.

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I haven't seen her in such a long time.

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That's one thing I remember.

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Like one of my longest hurtful memories that I have as a kid is missing my mom and not

being able to see her, not being able to talk to her and him cutting things short because,

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your mom's talking bad about me.

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You shouldn't have to hear this.

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And it was always cut short.

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So when we moved in with my mom, all of a sudden there's not many rules in the house.

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I don't have to show up to school as much as I have to.

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If I wanted to stay home, my mom would let me stay home.

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And so staying home, like what am I gonna do?

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We go play outside and get introduced to weed.

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my mom and my dad were real heavy drinkers.

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Really heavy drinkers.

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My mom's 11 years sober now, but at this time she was really drowning herself.

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Just like my uncles were on drugs, my mom's sisters drink.

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something related to alcohol, but she drank a lot.

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She drank herself to death.

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So everybody in my family had these addictions, so me and my twin brother, go out, we

start smoking weed and drinking heavily, and then it's all just flying under my mom's

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radar.

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when she looked at us, she saw my dad and her dislike for my dad was verbalized towards

us.

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So like at home became really emotionally abusive.

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And when my brother left me, it was physically abusive with my mother.

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I would tell my mom all the time like I don't like you but I love you because she was she

was so mean to me and Not because she hated me.

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She was trusting the alcohol more than she trusted God in those moments.

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And for me, that just kind of became the darkest, period of my life where my own mother

was being really mean to me.

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I couldn't come home and have the love of my mother there.

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It was just come home and I can get messed up and take off and go as I please.

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But every time I saw her, it was an argument.

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I would ask God, why did you have to make my life this hard?

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Because this is turning me into something and making me feel in ways I cannot handle.

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Rather than seeing moments like look at what God is showing me or like look at what God

has done for me.

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It's I'm not gonna use that as an excuse you made my life hard You made me feel my life

was bad, so that gave me a good reason to act bad.

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That's how you felt towards God.

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Yeah, You felt like you had a license to go do whatever you wanted to do.

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Yeah, and then.

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And with my parents, looking at them, they would tell me oh, you need to be careful, Tony.

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You shouldn't be doing this.

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Or Tony, you know, your attitude is very wrong.

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well, you should have thought about that a long time ago.

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you can obviously see how much I'm hurting on the inside.

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And I was always just like, this is your fault.

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So I hope this hurts for you to see me this way, because this is how my whole life has

felt up to this point.

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So you were bitter.

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Very angry very and Did you ever get an answer to your question about?

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to this day I mean, what would you say is why because a lot of people ask the question why

who have a hard life?

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Why would why would a good God allow this?

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How would you answer that question?

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To somebody who's an unbeliever who says my life is hard.

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I'm on the streets.

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I'm addicted Why would God allow this to happen to me?

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You know, that's one thing that it took me a while to really

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come up with my take on it.

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I take it as my parents probably could have done a better job as being parents, but.

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I think you're being nice.

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Yeah.

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They could have definitely done.

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But I just took it as maybe they tried their best.

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but they did a terrible job.

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But at the end of the day, they still love me.

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I try not to point the finger and blame them, but I want to blame myself.

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But how can I look at this without blaming God, without blaming them, and without blaming

myself?

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This is just an accumulated, I guess the end result of everything being mishandled on

everybody's side.

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in a way, but like there are some good parts to it, guess.

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But you'd agree that, I mean, God didn't mishandle anything.

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He's good.

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He's perfect.

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Yes.

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but sin's the problem.

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Sin, yes.

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life being that way, weeded out some of the bad things in my character that could have

stayed.

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it allowed me to see in my parents what I don't want to be like and what's wrong.

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but I also see where they got it from.

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And then I look at myself and I see what I have in common with that.

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And then I see where I get it from.

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And how can I stop this?

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What do you think God was trying to show you through all of that?

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Looking at how they've mishandled life, looking at just the sin and the suffering and

even, you you having started to use drugs and all that.

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mean, what do you think God was trying to do now?

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Looking back from where you are here, that shows me where my parents should have put God

in their life and trusted God

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where they didn't do that, that's where I need to do that.

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So I don't pass it on to anybody else.

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It's amazing to me, you know, every time I listen to your life, Tony, I never sit here and

think I was a better person in my teenage years.

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Not at all.

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I was I was just as sinful of a person, but my life was not as hard as yours.

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but it's sometimes in those really difficult moments that God shows us we need a savior.

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We can't fix it ourselves.

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Did you try to fix it?

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Tell us about, mean, how did your relationship with drugs and all that, how did it not

only affect your relationship with God and what it did to you spiritually, but I mean, how

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far down the road of drugs did it end up taking you?

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In the end, mean, a year and a half ago, I had spent three days sleeping on the side of

the freeway because the cops came and raided the house where I was staying.

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So I didn't have a stable home.

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was kind of just living in what they call a trap house where drugs are sold, because

that's where everybody's welcome.

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And just sitting there looking around at all these people who I did not like going, wow,

what do I have in common with these people that puts us in the same house?

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And thinking how do I fit in here?

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And then, yeah, so the police come raid the house, house gets condemned.

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And there I am with nowhere to go.

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I can either stay on drugs, which was crystal meth and fentanyl at the time.

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or I can go to my sister's house and get help.

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And I already went to rehab three times.

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And this was going to be the fourth time.

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The first time I went to rehab, was I'm never coming back here.

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For me, it was kind of like being in jail.

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I had went to jail for drugs.

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All my charges are drug and weapon charges.

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I was looking at 10 years in prison for getting caught with drugs and then getting put on

probation, getting caught with a gun and drugs, and then going back to jail and violating

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probation with a gun and drugs.

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it's like, dude,

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how much am I willing to let drugs and this behavior take from me?

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And at that time, I didn't care at all.

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Please take it all.

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in my addiction, if I were to die, at least I wouldn't have to hurt no more.

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That's the thought that would go through my head.

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Just take this from me.

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Please don't make me suffer too much.

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Is that something you would say to God in that time?

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Is just take me off this earth?

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Yeah.

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I could only hope to smoke this pill, fall asleep and not wake up.

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that because that happened one time had to be Narcan.

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And it was my accident.

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Like because I was I was dope sick.

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And then I went and smoked some really strong drugs and just boom immediately.

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It was like I blinked my eyes and I was waking up again.

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But it was like six hours later and I was in my bed.

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somebody was sitting next to me like, are okay?

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And I was throwing up like, ugh, And my whole thought was, I didn't even know what

happened.

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So I woke up not even knowing why I'm surrounded by people and I'm sick to my stomach and

dude, you almost died, you turned blue.

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And I'm like, oh, you should have just left me alone.

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By the way, for our audience, if you don't know what Narcan is, it's a life-saving drug

that can be given to somebody who's overdosed.

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what's it mean to be dope sick?

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Dope sick is when you're withdrawing off of drugs.

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So you have a chemical dependency to like heroin or fentanyl or something.

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But at that time, you ran out of drugs and you don't have any.

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So you're starting to, it's like having the flu really bad.

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And you're just, so weak.

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you're desperate for the drug.

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Like so desperate.

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I remember it.

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And those times, like that desperation, it's just like all you can think about is just,

all that matters is getting more of the drug.

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And honestly, recovering, that's the scariest part is letting the drugs go and having to

go through that period of withdrawal, of dope sickness.

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Because you have to, when you go to rehab, it took me like two weeks to get good, to be

better.

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And I did it without medical assisted therapy, which is like the...

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the drugs they give you for all the symptoms and stuff.

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They use methadone wafers, right?

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They can, they can use that, suboxone, Vivitrol, but they give you medicines for like

restless leg syndrome, because your legs are never comfortable, or nausea, and even pain

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relievers and stuff to help you sleep.

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So how long did this last?

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I mean, you said it's a year and a half ago.

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that you're on the side of the highway.

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I mean, how do we go from that to the Tony we're sitting in front of today?

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mean, how long did that drug period last and then what changed?

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The weed and alcohol was probably from age 13 to 18.

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18 was when I started doing cocaine.

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then 20, age 20 to 30, I started doing meth.

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Age 26 to 30 is when I started doing fentanyl.

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And I had got addicted to that because I had an injury in my foot that hurt so bad.

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And I was already staying at a trap house, but I was totally against it.

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Being on drugs, you can make a list of things you would never do.

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And then once you get on drugs, start checking those things off because you're going to

start doing them and becoming somebody you don't recognize.

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all the, I guess, negative ways you could look at yourself were becoming what you said you

would never become.

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And so it was like 10 years of hard drugs, pretty much.

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And so from the freeway, I made it to my sister's house, which was the longest walk I ever

took in the sun, pulling my clothes with me.

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And I just remember thinking, I remember I felt done, absolutely done.

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And every couple hours I had to stop and lay down on the floor.

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would find a shady spot in the grass and I would look up at the sky man, I don't know if I

can make it to my sister's house.

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It is so hot out here.

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I'm so, was 255 pounds and for me, my size, that's really skinny.

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I fit into an extra large size XL shirt.

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How tall are you?

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I'm 6'4".

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Okay.

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325 pounds right now.

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Right then I was 255 and super sunburned, super brown.

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In Phoenix in summer, 120 degrees outside.

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And then, and you're walking by all these people and everyone's just ew, get away from me.

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or you get kicked off the bus.

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Which I mean don't blame them for kicking you off the bus and everything.

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Had you been treated like that a lot by people in Phoenix?

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mean people in Phoenix tend to homeless or addicted population very roughly.

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Is that kind of, was your experience?

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At that time, yeah.

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And usually when people be you're on drugs.

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when I wasn't, I guess, it would make me very mad.

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and I would get hostile with people.

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it wouldn't be don't judge me.

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It's just you got a problem with what I'm doing?

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Don't look at me then.

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And that's kind of, was kind of my attitude towards God before that was just you know,

please, if you could turn a blind eye to me, because I'm not gonna like what I feel I'm

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turning into.

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And I know you're not gonna probably be too proud of what you're seeing.

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So now as a Christian, how would you encourage other Christians?

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What's the right way for us to interact?

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with that kind of person we see at a intersection or bus stop.

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there's a reason they're doing the drugs.

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I guess you could say something happened to them.

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They say the opposite of addiction is connection, having a relationship with them.

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I think about my brother Nick all the time when I think about this, because my brother

Nick is on the streets right now.

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And if I were to see him today, I wouldn't pull over and be like, hey, what are you doing,

idiot?

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Get off the drugs.

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Go get help.

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That's what you need to do.

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It was just I would get out and give my brother a hug telling my love him just Offer to

help him and we said no, I'd sit down and talk with him for a while Is there anything else

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a a christian can do to encourage somebody who's struggling like that on the street?

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Anything tangible?

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mean obviously we probably don't want to give them money because that money's cash is

going to be used for Their problem most likely Talking I mean if they're open to it

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talking to them about God is

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something that stuck with me in that moment and it's the best thing you can do because I

mean giving them money just allows them to keep doing what they're doing but talking to

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them about God or giving them a bottle of water that's

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priceless.

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those people feel unloved by everything and to sit there and talk about God's love, tell

them God loves them, for someone to be nice, not want nothing from them, not be there to

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hurt them, but to just give them that little bit or give them that much, that's, it means

the world to a lot of people.

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And my sister when she took me to rehab,

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And I did the two months over there and I went to my sober living.

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this after you got to her house?

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finally got there.

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She took you to rehab.

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Finally made it there.

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And I laid down.

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I remember she looked at me.

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She's like, Tony, you can't stay here, but I will take you somewhere to go get some help.

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And that's what I asked her to do last time I was in rehab.

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was hey, Nicole, you made it easy for me to be an addict at your house.

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so the next time if I ever you ever think I'm on drugs again, don't let me stay here.

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Don't do don't do none of this.

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that made it easy for me.

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just offered to take me to go get me some help.

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because I'm not trying to live like this How many times had you been in rehab?

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That time was gonna be the fourth time.

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Now this is the time where it worked.

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Yeah.

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Why did it work?

363

I didn't know how to be a good Christian.

364

I knew about the Bible, I knew some of the things it said, but I really didn't know what

it was that God was saying to me.

365

And I didn't know how to take the advice from my sister or

366

Other people that told me you know, you need to trust in God.

367

God loves you.

368

And it's OK, these things are starting to mean more and more to me I was unsure of how to

go about it, I guess getting to a church and going to church and then being surrounded by

369

people Who's who God word lives through

370

faithful Christians, seeing that and just that peace they have and how they do it, that's

something I hadn't been surrounded with my whole life, really, just my Nana.

371

And just a few words spoken by my parents of seeing that it was how do I make myself a

part of that?

372

And just a lot of people on the streets that want help, they can want it, but they don't

know how to do it.

373

And what helps is having somebody who reaches their hand out and says, here, you want

374

come with me I'll show you how to do this or I'll just expose you to it.

375

So you're sitting in rehab and you're okay I need something to change I need I want to

become a Christian but I don't even know how how do you go from that to such I mean who

376

reached out to you?

377

When I was at my I was talking to my sister after I left rehab the last time and I was

staying at a sober living which was the next step You know go to rehab and then you get

378

out of rehab if you don't have anywhere to go You just you're getting kicked out onto the

street or to a family's house, but I took I was able to take the next step and go to a

379

sober living where they paid for three months of my Housing as long as I went to therapy

and I remember I was talking to my sister I called her because I hadn't talked to her

380

since she took me to rehab

381

It had been two months since I talked to her.

382

And I wanted to tell her, you know, I'm sorry for this.

383

And tell her how, I went to church a couple of times in rehab.

384

They took us to church.

385

And that is kind of where everything just really started hitting me.

386

I was telling her, I want to get involved in church.

387

But I had no car.

388

I had so much to do.

389

had to get a job.

390

but I don't know where to start, Nicole.

391

And then my sister's name is Nicole.

392

And she's well, know, Saso goes to church somewhere on Yorkshire.

393

You're like right in the middle between us.

394

You're probably closer to him.

395

is it OK if I send him your number and have him reach out to you?

396

And you know, could go and start going to church with him.

397

I was

398

Yeah, please, I would like that.

399

And my sister, it's new to her to see this version of me seeking God.

400

Because she knows the bad version of me.

401

And you said seeking God is because you want, you're longing for peace in your life.

402

Yes.

403

Okay.

404

And.

405

So you meet Saso.

406

Yes, and he's my cousin and I've probably seen him.

407

two or three times my whole life that I remember.

408

And it was for a short time.

409

So he was a cousin, but not somebody that I knew that well.

410

By the way, we had him on the podcast.

411

Last three episodes are, you know, three parts of when we sat down with Ben and Saso, but

keep going.

412

And, and my sister was telling me how she was, so happy that, I was seeking God and

wanting to get involved in church and seeing

413

that I was actually interested in what it was she's been trying to tell me for such a long

time.

414

And so Saso tells me, I'll be back in town in like a week.

415

And he invites me to freedom that last.

416

And.

417

Which is an addictions ministry for our audience that we have here at our church.

418

Keep going.

419

And he invites me there.

420

I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll go.

421

I guess so.

422

see what this is about, because I had been to hundreds of AA meetings and I was really

hoping it wouldn't be one of those, because it gets kind of stale after a while for me.

423

AA is?

424

Alcoholics Anonymous.

425

Okay.

426

And because I could just go to one of those across the street, but I was really looking

for something more God-centered.

427

I was looking for something where God is at the center of it.

428

Yes, at the center of it.

429

And my sister has always been somebody when I was little that I would run to, when my dad

would spank me, I would run to her for help.

430

So my sister was kind of my superhero.

431

So whenever she told me something, I always trusted it.

432

So when she told me to get in touch with Saso and this is what would be good for me, I

really, trusted it deep down in my heart that this was the right thing to do.

433

And so I go to Freedom That Lasts and...

434

get to meet everybody there

435

And I felt a little out of place because I I wouldn't say the type of people, but just I

felt different than everybody there just because of, I was real closed off.

436

I probably missed like one or two Friday nights there in this past year.

437

And I really enjoy it there.

438

you've been going for a year now.

439

Yeah.

440

And then Saso had told me about

441

the exchange Bible study and asked me if I if I wanted to to do that with him and I was

like yeah I'm sure and he goes all right well we'll try to set a good day because we

442

haven't had like we haven't met up that often in the past couple weeks so I'll try to set

a date where it would be more than just me and you there I told him okay and but I was

443

really really adamant about going

444

So I told him, I was hey, if no one else shows up, can it just be me and you?

445

And he's yeah, sure.

446

which I was really grateful for, because I wanted to get involved in church and I was

seeking God, but I really didn't know what to look into or how.

447

But I needed someone to show me how.

448

I lived a little further away from the church that Saso does.

449

So he would come pick me up and he would ask me, hey, you coming?

450

You coming?

451

You want to come?

452

And he always made sure I had a ride to get there, which I was really grateful for.

453

And.

454

And it was new to me to have somebody in my life

455

who really wanted me to be a part of that and really made it a point to come and get me

and take me and bring me back.

456

then it seems for me it seemed like it was so out of the out of his way.

457

But

458

It is actually geographically is way out of his way, but he did it because he loved you.

459

Yeah.

460

And so that meant a lot to you that by itself, the effort meant a lot to you.

461

Yes.

462

And being on the street, being around the people that I was surrounded with with the

drugs, love is very foreign.

463

you're around a lot of people who say, bro, I got love for you or a man people.

464

that either want something from you or people who are out to cheat and steal and all this

other stuff, it's just that becomes something, the love becomes something you become a

465

little bit paranoid of.

466

being told, Tony, Jesus loves you.

467

And for me, it's a long life of hating myself, not feeling loved by much of the world.

468

And even just the type of love that my parents displayed.

469

I mean, how great could God's love be if it's anything like that?

470

And that's that's kind of what was stuck in my head.

471

but the more when you guys took me to the exchange and just explained everything and what

God's love is, what he what he wants of us and just I think that's where I first met you

472

was in those.

473

Yes, exchange.

474

I was also asked me to come along and.

475

where we met each other and so you went through the exchange.

476

Yes and I had never been stumped by so many questions that I have in church here at FTL

when the freedom of the last one they asked me how did you view God and

477

What do you think God was doing for you in that moment?

478

It's just I don't know.

479

I'm not usually stumped by questions.

480

And so it's, gave me a lot to think about as much as I had a negative view towards God and

the Bible, how can I not like something I really know nothing about?

481

Do you remember any of the questions in the exchange that stumped you?

482

You remember which, which one stumped you?

483

it's a while ago.

484

Now it's a year ago.

485

it was about.

486

Ten Commandments and then just why this sins are bad and why God doesn't like certain

sinning

487

I guess one questions that were hard for me to answer was like.

488

do you believe God sent his Son to die for our sins?

489

Words like these, have never really left my mouth.

490

So even the very concepts of Jesus being sent to die for other people's sacrifice, you're

not used to thinking of death and sacrifice and those things in those ways.

491

you're not even used to using those words.

492

And especially, especially all the sins that I was guilty of.

493

And then it's saying how God looks at them.

494

and why they're punishable by death.

495

It's like, I'm guilty of so many of those things.

496

things that I thought made me a man were really,

497

really sinful traits.

498

And it's just OK, so if that's what God says about me, then he's saying that about my dad.

499

it's just like, that make my dad a bad person?

500

No.

501

But those are things that he struggled with that he kind of passed on to us.

502

It was a lot to take in.

503

I'm sure you guys could see that when we were doing it.

504

It was was a lot for me to take in the entire time.

505

Yeah.

506

So when would you say it clicked?

507

When did you, when you look back at all that, was there a particular point at which you

accepted Jesus Christ or would you just look back and like, you know what, at some point I

508

just, yep, I believe that.

509

I stake my life on it.

510

right when I got out of rehab went to the sober living where I wouldn't say I was unsure

about it But I was on the fence of is this the way I want to go or do I want to continue

511

to think the same way I've always thought so I pushed in the direction of seeking God and

then when

512

and after the exchange, that's when I was set in it.

513

And even confident in it.

514

I wasn't ashamed of it,

515

people that I used to hang around would probably take you as soft and that's not the way I

wanted to be perceived And it's just, it's not something that makes you weak.

516

not, it makes me stronger.

517

A lot of my perspective on life and God and everything has been strengthened and totally

the 180 in a good way.

518

And even with the way I view myself and my family, like I've become a lot more loving to

the things I had a hard time dealing with.

519

What would you say?

520

Having spent time in prison.

521

Are there at jail?

522

Sorry.

523

Big difference, by the way.

524

Having spent time in jail, are there opportunities for Christians to minister to people

who are in jail?

525

I mean, how could a Christian reach out to somebody in that situation?

526

if the jail allows it, obviously.

527

they give you material to read in there but I mean if it was a family member or like a

friend or Somebody you knew that went into jail and you could stay in touch with them then

528

I would say like writing to them and talking to them about God because they give you

Bibles in jail so you could Tell him to read

529

Like to read scripture, there would be prayer groups in there But you would have to have

somebody in there who was a good Christian In your pod like in the same area the jail is

530

you

531

Do they allow bibles in there?

532

Yeah By the way, I don't know if you know this but the exchange actually and we send out a

newsletter a while ago But we're actually sending some bibles to a I think a prison not a

533

jail a prison this week some of the folks in our audience donated money and we actually

keep bibles on stock

534

that if somebody in a jail or prison requests a Bible from the exchange ministry, we send

it.

535

We send it with an exchange Bible study and all that stuff.

536

And so I'd love if more of those got into jails or prisons.

537

Maybe me and you can put our heads together and figure out how to get even more of that.

538

And if you're in the audience, if you want a gift towards that, you donate to the ministry

on our website, exchangemessage.org.

539

You can designate it for prison Bibles, jail Bibles.

540

And we'll make sure that money is used for that reason.

541

I think

542

I think there's a great opportunity for you guys have reading time in there.

543

I mean as I understand definitely.

544

Yeah And you could be a really good influence on your celly there too.

545

Celly?

546

What is that your cellmate Okay Yeah, cuz that's probably the one person you spend the

most time with depending on where you're at and I know I spent a lot of time with my I

547

know a lot of it was talking about Nonsense and joking enough to keep your sanity into

where you're not just looking like a crazy person talking to the wall, but

548

After So you accept Christ you're done with the exchange Bible study.

549

Yeah, And this was I think in January and it's also dropped me off at the house and I'm

sitting there and I'm like, you know, I think I want to get baptized and

550

The thought had been on my mind for a while, but I don't know if I'm ready.

551

I didn't know if I was worthy.

552

some things I do that are childish and stuff.

553

it's like, like what would qualify me to you were young in your faith?

554

Yeah.

555

so I kind of it put put off throwing that out there to Saso.

556

I was you know, I'm just gonna do it.

557

And I told him and then he responded quickly and he gave me your number to set it up.

558

And I was just I was really happy.

559

I was really looking forward to it.

560

which members of your family came to your baptism?

561

I've never had that much of my family show up for anything for me.

562

But it was my dad, my mom, who I have not seen in the same room for years.

563

My twin brother, my older sister, all of her children, her husband, my brother-in-law and

my grandmother.

564

And there was.

565

Saso and Rebecca and Ben and Diane, who have been there supporting me from the beginning,

which is.

566

I love those two, they're really great people.

567

I don't know what other my family member showed up, but that was a lot more than I could

ask for.

568

I said, I haven't seen that much of my family in one room, let alone I haven't seen me

being the reason that they're smiling.

569

Because usually there was always there and they were worried.

570

Tony, I'm fearing for your life.

571

Or Tony, stop.

572

Tony, are you OK?

573

That's the look I'm used to seeing.

574

My twin brother he left pretty abruptly That day I remember that cuz I came out he says

bro, it's good to see you.

575

I love you I'm proud of you.

576

I gotta go and he took off after you after the baptism Yeah, and it's kind of like he had

rushed to go somewhere and I remember a month ago it was Mother's Day when he told me this

577

because we were sitting there At my sister's house He goes I'm so

578

I'm so grateful to God to have you back in my life because he was one person that was

always telling me, I love you, brother.

579

But when are you going to get your act together?

580

Do you realize how mad I am at you and my older brother Nick that I'm the only one of us

brothers keeping it strong and holding together?

581

goes, you guys come and ask us for help.

582

But who do I have to lean on?

583

Like when I need my brothers and sisters, he goes, I lean on God.

584

But he deals with a lot.

585

My brother deals with a lot.

586

And he goes, but I miss my brothers.

587

And he goes, do you realize this?

588

Do you realize it's just me and my me and Nicole?

589

Where are you guys?

590

There's supposed to be four of us.

591

And he would tell me, you know, my worst fear is going to heaven and not seeing my two

brothers up there with me.

592

And that was one thing that really stuck with me.

593

And like, because that's what he would always tell me.

594

That's my worst fear is getting to heaven and not seeing you guys there because you're

down the wrong path.

595

And so we're we're at my sister's house.

596

And he says, I'm so grateful to have you back in my life.

597

And goes, I'm sorry that I rushed out of there.

598

But I remember looking up at you and you're giving your testimony and thinking, wow, look

at what God has done with my brother.

599

And he goes, and I couldn't take it because it was so overwhelming for me.

600

I was happy, but I didn't want to cry in front of everybody.

601

He goes, just I was in awe.

602

So I had to leave because I'm sorry.

603

And he just he still didn't give me a big hug.

604

And that's the conversation that

605

Is a good conversation.

606

I just I'm happier back brother My twin brother

607

Well, I definitely understand why he would get emotional.

608

mean, I'm sitting here listening to your story, even though having listened to it several

times before fighting back emotion, because it's incredible, brother, to look at your life

609

and see when God has done and just say, keep going.

610

Keep humbly walking with the Lord daily.

611

Stay in your Bible.

612

Keep praying.

613

So, very proud of you.

614

Thank you.

615

Yeah.

616

we love you guys.

617

Pray to the Lord of the harvest.

618

You guys just heard here what God can do.

619

I mean, nobody's out of the reach of God.

620

Would you say, Tony?

621

Yes.

622

Yeah, and the harvest is white.

623

It's ready.

624

It's Jesus said, go.

625

The only problem we have with the harvest, we don't have enough laborers.

626

And I think we just got tremendous insight as laborers on how to reach somebody who's

battling addiction, somebody who's on the street, somebody who's been in jail.

627

I mean, what makes a difference in that person's life helps us build a relationship so we

can give them the gospel.

628

It's huge.

629

And Tony, thank you.

630

You've encouraged our whole community, our audience, I'm sure is going to benefit from

this greatly for.

631

years and years to come brother well love you guys will see you next week