Anxiety after divorce, trauma healing, and nervous system regulation—learn how to heal anxiety naturally and feel better in midlife. In this episode, Lesa Koski talks with nervous system coach Mitch Webb about anxiety, trauma healing, and how your nervous system impacts your health, stress, and emotional recovery. If you're navigating divorce or high stress, this conversation will help you understand anxiety and begin healing your nervous system in a practical, grounded way.

Timestamps:

(00:00) Introduction to anxiety, divorce, and healing

(03:45) Mitch Webb’s story: trauma, illness, and recovery

(10:20) What anxiety really is (and why you can’t “fix” it)

(18:30) Lesa’s cancer journey and wake-up call

(26:15) Nervous system dysregulation explained

(35:40) Why high achievers struggle with anxiety

(44:10) Functional freeze and hidden stress

(52:00) How to stop fixing and start healing

(1:00:25) Co-parenting, triggers, and boundaries

(1:10:40) Building emotional capacity and healing patterns

(1:18:00) Final thoughts + how to work with Mitch

Key Takeaways:

• Anxiety is not a problem—it’s your body communicating

• Nervous system dysregulation is often the root of chronic stress

• Healing comes from awareness and new experiences, not just information

• You can feel anxious and still be safe

• Boundaries and self-awareness are key to emotional healing

Guest Bio:

Mitch Webb is a nervous system and holistic health coach who helps individuals heal anxiety, trauma, and chronic stress by reconnecting with their body. After overcoming multiple health challenges—including traumatic brain injuries, Lyme disease, and long COVID—Mitch now guides others in regulating their nervous system and creating lasting emotional and physical healing.

Resource Links:

Free Nervous System Quiz

https://mitch-webb.involve.me/nervous-system-state-quiz

FREE 30 min Session w Mitch

https://calendly.com/k-mitch-webb/15-minute-meeting

Website and Social Media links:

https://www.instagram.com/kmitchwebb

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kmitchwebb

https://mitchwebb.com

DIY Parenting Plan Course

Find More From Lesa Here!

Sign up for my newsletter https://enchanting-basil-714.myflodesk.com/qwzridafyj

Tags/Keywords:

anxiety healing, nervous system regulation, trauma healing, divorce recovery, emotional healing, stress management, midlife women, co-parenting stress, functional medicine, anxiety help, nervous system coach, healing after divorce

Welcome listeners.

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I'm so excited that you're here today

because I have Mitch Webb and he is a

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nervous system and holistic health coach,

and you're probably going, why is someone

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like this on doing divorce different,

and it's because most importantly, I

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just am super interested in this kind of

work, and all of my listeners know that.

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I want you to feel better

after your divorce.

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So there's probably no better

time to like make some changes

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and to grow and to learn.

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So Mitch, I don't know that I've ever

really had someone like you on, so

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thank you so much for being here.

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He's fighting a little

cold and he still came.

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So welcome Mitch.

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And I do know too.

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I don't know you that well, but I know

you've got a story that led you to do

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this work, and I always like to start

so my listeners can get to know you.

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Would you mind just sharing

a little, a little bit about

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what led you to do this work?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, sure.

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Lisa, good to be here with you.

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Thanks for having me.

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And, uh, yeah, excited to, to

jump into this despite the cold.

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Um, like I was telling you before

we got on, I've been cooped up for

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three, four days and this has been

the, uh, the shining light in my week.

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Good.

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It's good to be here with you.

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But yeah, I mean, my journey

started with anxiety.

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Um, I, I experienced that after

some head injuries where I fell

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out of a second story window,

had a traumatic brain injury.

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And had this thing called

anxiety that I didn't, I didn't

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even know what that word was.

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And, um, you know, the hits kept coming.

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I lived in a house that

had black mold in it.

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I developed Lyme disease.

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I had heavy metals, I

was borderline diabetic.

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And, um, that was the first wake up call

that I needed to change some things.

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And I went from being a, uh, in corporate

sales in the corporate world, uh,

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working with like cigarette companies.

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Um, a lot of different corporate

companies that you would recognize and

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realizing that I had to make some changes.

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And so at first it was, you know,

nutrition and getting back into

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exercise and, um, and I found my way to

functional medicine where we found the

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mold and the lime, the heavy metals we

worked on reversing that through diet.

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And then, uh, I left the corporate world,

fell in love with health and wellness.

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You know, I've always been the

person that kind of shared.

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I learned, learned,

um, learned everything.

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Always felt like there was a lot of

information and really confusing.

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And I like to make things simple.

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Um, and so I'm, I'm leaving

the corporate world.

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I go see one of my first clients and I get

hit by a dump truck on the way to my call.

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And so another traumatic brain injury.

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Spent a year in, in, uh, post

reco, uh, uh, concussion recovery.

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What is that?

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I'm, I'm blanking on the word, but.

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Recovery, basically, I couldn't, I

went from the best shape of my life.

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I couldn't walk for more than 15 minutes

without collapsing for a couple of weeks.

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Um, after that, when I healed from

that a year, I, I got long haul.

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Uh, three times in a, so for

three years I had long haul COVID.

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I went from about one

90 down to 40 pounds.

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I couldn't eat, my gut was destroyed.

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Uh, had anxiety so much that

I couldn't sleep and fatigue

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that I couldn't get out of bed.

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So it was really, uh, interesting.

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I found my work my way into, you know,

spiritual, uh, healing and mindset and

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eventually found the nervous system.

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And that's when everything

was like, oh, now I get this.

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Um, all of these.

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Uh, big issues that I went through.

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I feel like now we're trying to get my

attention to look at the dysregulation,

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uh, and the trauma that I experienced

in childhood, which was really hard to

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see because my parents didn't beat me.

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They,

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Speaker: mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: Um, they paid for college

and put a roof over my head and,

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uh, fed me three meals a day.

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And that's a really good distraction

for not being there emotionally.

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And so, um, I've went through life as a

child not knowing what safety felt like.

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And now these last couple years,

uh, working with the nervous

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system, that's been my whole goal.

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And I tend to work with people,

um, in the same boat, uh, because

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their nervous system is sensitized,

meaning there's, the whole world

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has turned into hyper vigilance.

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They're trying to fix

things and figure them out.

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With all the things that I learned, right?

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When we don't think that we are good

enough, um, we take on these, these

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trauma roles, these protective parts,

to stay in connection, to be loved.

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That's things like people pleasing

and perfectionism, uh, all or nothing,

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and living in our head instead of

being in our body because there's

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so much going on in the body.

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Our body is protecting

us from that intensity.

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And the work I do is teaching people

to reconnect with their body, to be

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able to listen to that, to respond to

that, um, and that way and express the

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emotions that didn't get to be expressed.

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And through this journey,

we become our own medicine.

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Speaker: Okay.

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Wow.

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That was way more than I ever expected.

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And Mitch, I've gotta ask you, don't

you think, like you are saying, you're

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speaking my language because I have

anxiety, um, I, you know, grew up with

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great parents and that, you know, I

think sometimes trauma can come when

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we don't, when they don't even realize

it and we don't even realize it, right?

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Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker: Um, or maybe I don't even

really know what caused it, but.

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I know that I have anxiety.

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I know that I'm a people plea pleaser.

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I know that I'm a high achiever and

I knew that I wasn't feeling good.

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And I also did your route where I

had a functional assessment doctor,

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and I like white knuckled it like

I can do this intermittent fasting

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and running marathons and doing a.

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But you know, they did tell

me too, that having a glass of

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wine at night was good for you.

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Which was a lie.

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That was a lie.

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It's not good for you.

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But my, it all kind of hit the fan,

so to say, when it was actually like

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two years ago to this day that they

caught stage one breast cancer in me.

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And it was, it rocked my world

because I am an anxious person,

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and health was always an anxiety

and I thought I could control it.

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And so, and I was like a life coach.

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I had this mindset, I had all the

tools that I needed and I had to

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go, what the hell is going on?

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Like, what?

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What is happening here?

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And I like had to just step back and

be still through everything that I

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had to, I mean, I never felt sick.

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I did great through

everything, but it was a lot.

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I had to go through a lot to get

through that, even though it was

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just teeny tiny little stage one.

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But what I realized.

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In those moments is that I needed

that stillness and then I started

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looking at my life and I was like, I

had to like kinda surrender, right?

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Like I can't control everything.

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This life is a gift.

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Like I can't white knuckle it and think

that I've got this all under control.

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That wasn't another thing that I learned.

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Yeah.

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And then I also saw, like

I wasn't Where was the joy?

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Where was the fun?

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You know what?

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There's some, I mean, I got horses

over there, but it just was such a

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big realization and so now, so I did

another, like I did after all of this

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happened, I did the big genetic test.

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I went through all kinds

of health stuff again.

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And then I'm like, everything

is good except my stress.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: So I did a big, like ai,

it's like why is my stress high

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even if I don't feel like it?

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And one thing that I learned is

that maybe intermittent fasting

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isn't good for a gal my age.

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Right.

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I am 58 years old.

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Probably raises that

cortisol a little bit.

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Um, I've been lifting a lot,

increasing my protein, trying to

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have that more throughout the day.

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I've done like crazy neurolinguistic

programming, brain spotting

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because I don't wanna feel, I

wanna feel good, don't we all?

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Like, I don't wanna have anxiety and

I know how to work with it through

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my mindset, and yes, that helps.

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But when something big happens

and you spin out, what do you do?

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So there you go.

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Blah.

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Heal me.

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Speaker 2: Well, well, it sounds

like you're, you're doing it.

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Uh, you know, congratulations.

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It sounds like the, the

cancer is, is better now.

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Is that right?

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Speaker: Oh, it's cured.

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It's cured, yes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Congratulations on that.

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That's awesome.

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Thank

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Speaker: you.

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Speaker 2: Um, where do I start?

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You know, here's where

I'm gonna go with this.

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You're, we're similar in this, you

know, we're, uh, we're twins here and

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the fact that we did everything right,

we tried everything and it didn't work.

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Okay.

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Because the nervous system

controls everything.

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Uh, it's kind of like the operating

system of the entire body controls all

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the systems from hormones to stress,

to circulation, you know, you name it.

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Um, and when we.

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When we have a lot of stress that we've

avoided, that we've pushed down, that

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we've tried to fix, that we're not aware

of yet, uh, the body's just trying to

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protect us, and it's went into these

protector roles in a very intelligent way.

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And so, number one, we want to honor that

and look at what our body has done for us.

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Um, and it's, and it's

recognizing the contrast between.

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Where we're at now and

where we want to be.

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And so recognizing that, hey,

I just, I don't feel good.

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And what that comes down

to is just dysregulation.

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Dysregulation means that it

doesn't mean that we're broken.

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It means that our body is

responding perfectly to the

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environments that we've been in.

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Um, I used to think about

trauma from like a, a male

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perspective where we want to like.

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Get it out.

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Like, and, and I don't, I don't like

that anymore because it tells us that

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something's wrong, that it's bad.

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It's not that there's something bad

in our body that we gotta get out.

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Our body has shaped in from the

environments that we've spent time

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in, and we take on these roles so

that we can stay in connection, right?

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So that we can be seen

so that we can be loved.

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And we think we are these

parts until we get an illness.

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And I would say thank God for that

because our triggers, our symptoms.

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They are trying to get our attention,

but we are taught that they are bad.

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And so we try to fix 'em.

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We try to put bandaids on 'em, we wanna

take a pill, but all they wanna do is

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express, uh, symptoms be, or symptoms

are emotions that weren't allowed.

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So as a guy I can really easily go to, you

know, hey, we're allowed to be pissed off.

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And that's about it.

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You know, if I'm gonna

grieve or I'm gonna be, um.

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You know, feel anything other than

anger that I'm gonna be shamed, right?

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And so it's, it's slowing down and

meeting the parts of us that we said

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weren't allowed, letting out the

emotions, um, that we learn to suppress,

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to stay in connection with others.

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And here's another thing is that

we learn that we want to feel good

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when our, when our life is about

feeling good, symptoms are bad.

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So we try to do everything in our power

to fix them from exercise to food,

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to, you know, alcohol to drugs, to to

relationships, whatever that may be.

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And, but, but it's so interesting

when we have trauma, our body

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takes us to the environments in

places that are gonna repeat.

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The so that we can complete

the stress that didn't get to

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express when we were a kid, right?

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So that's why we see ourselves.

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I'm on a divorce podcast and that's

why we see ourselves in relationships.

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That aren't in alignment, that are

like our, our parents or the teacher,

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the, or the coach that we have.

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Our body isn't guiding us

to a, a shitty experience.

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It's taking us to be healed so that we can

meet it differently so that we can set our

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boundaries, so that we can communicate, so

that we can say no, that we can fight or

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we can walk away to complete that charge.

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That's, that's stuck in our

body causing all of the symptoms

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that we're dealing with now.

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Speaker: Okay.

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Okay, so I'm gonna just get, I mean, I'm

kind of gonna get free coaching from you.

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Yeah, we're gonna do that.

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So, I'm, I'm thinking about this and I'm

like, well, and I want you to know too, my

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stress, like I get it from my aura ring.

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Mm-hmm.

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I don't even feel it all the time.

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Sometimes they're like,

I have the greatest day.

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I was chill today.

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And then I'm like, what?

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Why do I have stress?

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Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker: But then also I notice that

I will wake up in the morning very

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often with a huge amount of anxiety.

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Which before I would just

be like, why am I anxious?

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What do you know?

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I get mad at myself about it.

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So this is a new thing where I

just tried to go, okay, it's okay.

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Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker: You just feel anxious.

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But I am a fixer.

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Like I, okay, how do I fix this?

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And I did like a core wounds course,

and I went back and tried to find

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trauma, you know what I mean?

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And deal with it.

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I've done a lot of stuff like

that, but it's still there.

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I don't, I don't want the stress anymore.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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So that's, that's leading

to, that's sensitization.

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So the nervous system is flooded

with adrenaline because we've

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been constantly trying to figure

out and fix what's wrong with us.

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Speaker: Yes.

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Um,

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Speaker 2: that is what left me

with a lot of anxiety as well.

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I thought my superpower

was fixing other people.

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If you had a problem, you came

to me and I'll fix that thing.

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Speaker: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: Um, and I think guys

go into that role really easy.

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But what that tells my nervous system

is there's a threat that I can't,

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that I can't make, go away, and

I can't figure out why it's here.

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And so everything becomes a threat.

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Our world gets small, we're avoiding

this food, we're avoiding, we start

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to avoid the things that we love.

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I've started to blame whatever I did

24 hours before, whether that was

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a supplement, a food, a workout, a

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Speaker: person.

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Speaker 2: My world got really small

and, and, uh, eventually when the

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nervous system spends a lot of time in

high activation that we would call like

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anxiety, eventually the e-brake comes

on and that's where you hear freeze.

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Uh, that is, um.

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High tone Dorsals, which

basically is the shutdown state.

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And so most of us are walking around

in this hight tone, dorsal, you

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could also call it functional freeze,

meaning our body is protecting us.

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That's why we don't feel

anything and why your, your ring

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will notice it before you do.

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It's because our body is intelligently

keeping that out of our awareness

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because what's underneath that

is still that sympathetic charge.

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It's just our body couldn't

maintain that level of.

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Activation without spinning out.

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And so the body goes, we gotta

stop, we gotta shut down.

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And then we, then we live in this,

um, false window of tolerance

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that is actually numbing us out,

that is called functional freeze.

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And so we're, we're being protected.

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And so the interesting thing too is when

we slow down and we start to work with

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this, we do this by paying attention

to our body, following our impulse.

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And, uh, we start with.

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Uh, you know, responding to bodily

sensations, um, like, I need to pee

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and I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

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I, I'm need to eat and I'm hungry.

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I wanna drink water, and

I'm gonna drink water.

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Eventually that goes into, ooh,

uh, you're the, when you start

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responding to the body and giving

it what it needs, it gives you more.

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So then you find yourself

going, I don't like this person.

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You know, I don't, I'm not gonna, I

don't want to go out with them tonight,

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or, this place doesn't feel safe.

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I'm gonna leave, or, I'm

tired, I need to rest.

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And that is bringing up this iceberg of

emotions and, um, old, old situations

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that we've avoided to stay safe.

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And typically what happens is we

feel more, um, more activation, more

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anxiety, more emotions, um, other than

kind of flat and disconnected because

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we're reconnecting, uh, with the body,

uh, and, and working with the brain.

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We work with, we work with the.

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Um, we work with the beliefs just as much

as we work with what's living in the body.

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The two can't be separate.

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Um, and, and eventually we start

to meet that part of us that

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gets mad when we have anxiety.

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Right?

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Where did we learn that?

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Um, that, that, that right there,

just having anger at the anxiety.

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You know, I had to, I was the same way

when I went to therapy for the first time.

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A lady goes, Hey, why are you here?

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Like, let's, let's set a goal for this.

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I wanna get rid of this fucking anxiety.

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And she said, and she said,

that's not gonna work.

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Anxiety's a really good thing.

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It's, it's a great thing that our

body is giving us information.

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We've just learned to not respond

to it, to shame it, to fix it, to

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make it go away, that it's bad.

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It's, it's, it's really just, there's

no good or bad, it's just information.

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And so eventually I had to learn, oh.

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I want to feel safe expressing myself

authentically and be around people in

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places that make me, um, celebrate that.

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And, and, and eventually I saw

that that wasn't happening, uh,

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in my family whenever I, uh, was

myself around my friends and.

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People that I work with, it was cool,

but when I was with my family, I would

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shut down and I'd feel this grossness

and all my symptoms would kick up.

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And it's not here to say like,

Hey, the parents are the thing.

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That's just the environment where these

wounds were created and, and that's

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why we want to go really slow and,

and I get curious and have compassion

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for these parts of ourselves that just

wanna be a part of our life instead

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of being told they don't belong.

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Speaker: Okay.

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Let them be a part of your life.

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And

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Speaker 2: then here, I wanna

finish something else too, because

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you're talking about anxiety.

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What you're doing now is the medicine.

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The way that we work through

anxiety is to accept it and allow

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it to see that fixing and figuring

it out is what keeps us stuck.

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That accepting it and allowing it,

that living your life and doing it

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with the fatigue, with the anxiety,

with the fear, that's what teaches

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our nervous system in our brain, that

it's safe to do these things again.

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So we don't heal by getting education

or by even going to therapy and,

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and, and working on the emotions.

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We heal by doing life again

and, and showing our brain by

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creating a new experience, not

through force, um, and pressure.

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The more we do that, hey, you

gotta change, you need to suck it

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up and not be a little bitch, or

whatever that internal dialogue is.

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The more the nervous system feels that

and it's like, okay, then I'm gonna

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protect you more 'cause this isn't safe.

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Speaker: Okay.

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That is so key.

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And even, and it's interesting

how that just came to me where I

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was like, why am I judging this?

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Speaker 2: Yeah,

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Speaker: right.

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Speaker 2: Well, once you can

see it, you don't have to be it.

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It's all about awareness.

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So that's a really good catch.

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Speaker: So, and it sounds

like it's gonna take time.

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Speaker 2: Um, yes.

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And things happen quickly too.

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We, our job is to believe, we have to have

education about this in the beginning.

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We have to understand our physiology.

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We have to understand how our brain works,

how our nervous system works with trauma.

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We have to believe that healing is

possible, and that's the education phase.

379

So we have to understand why my amygdala

is constantly scanning for stress.

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We have to understand why do I shame

myself when I start overthinking?

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Well, the amygdala is right next to

the part of the brain that shames us.

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Speaker: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: Right?

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And so that's a protective thing.

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We have to map our, our, um, compuls

uh, compulsions because ultimately

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what biohacking and fixing is, is OCD.

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It's compulsively trying to fix ourself.

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Speaker: That's

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Speaker 2: what I, it's very,

it's very, it's very intelligent.

390

Right?

391

Mm-hmm.

392

I sure Me and you could open up our

supplement tablets and we got everything.

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Oh my

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Speaker: gosh.

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Speaker 2: I got, I got

a vibration platform.

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I got a red light, I

got a sauna over here.

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Speaker: I got a red light, I got a sauna.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Yeah.

400

Not to say those things are bad,

but when we use those things to shut

401

down how we're feeling, to change

how we're feeling to heal, we're

402

saying brain and nervous system.

403

You don't know anything.

404

I know better and I'm gonna fix

you, and you better do it right now.

405

Okay.

406

And so we have to see our patterns

and slowly let out the emotion.

407

When we see that, man, I can see that I've

been trying to fix myself for 30 years.

408

Yeah.

409

What's that like, man, there's

a lot of emotion there.

410

There's grief and there's

anger, and there's sadness.

411

You know?

412

That's all healing.

413

That's good.

414

We want that stuff to come through.

415

That's our life force

energy being blocked.

416

Speaker: We're

417

Speaker 2: saying you're not allowed

and you don't want all that life force

418

energy flying through in one session.

419

But when you can start to map these

patterns, it kind of starts like one

420

day you see yourself in the pattern.

421

After the next day, you

pull up to the stop sign.

422

Oh, next time you see yourself in

it while it's happening, and then

423

another time you pull up to the stop

sign, you wave and you keep driving.

424

Not that you're telling us this part

is now in the driver's seat with

425

you because that's your authentic

self, not this perfection, uh,

426

pressurized all or nothing, uh, people

pleasing self that we came up with.

427

That's not us.

428

That's a survival response,

429

Speaker: right?

430

Speaker 2: We meet our authenticity

through this work, and we give ourself

431

permission to be us and we express

all the emotions that have been.

432

Very understandably, uh, wanting

to be felt through this process.

433

Speaker: Okay.

434

I have to ask you a question and,

and I think this is interesting too.

435

Um, so I usually help women, I mean,

help couples divorce together through

436

mediation, which is an amazing process.

437

And then I help women by coaching them.

438

And just yesterday I had a man

who wanted me to coach him, and

439

I was chatting with them and.

440

Sadly, there's abuse in, you

know, it's, it's a really hard

441

thing for a guy to talk about.

442

Speaker 2: Yeah.

443

Speaker: And then I just today

reached out to someone who works

444

with men who have gone through this.

445

And so we might be talking again in

the future because I think you could

446

be helpful, and I don't know if we

have enough time to really get into

447

this, but for, for this particular

person, I'm, or you know, man or woman.

448

When you have children and you're

divorced, you still have to be

449

connected to that other parent.

450

Now we can set up really good ways if

it's really bad to only do it through

451

certain apps and you know what I mean?

452

But there's still like a connection.

453

So say you are, or say you are with

somebody who has an anger issue and

454

you love them and you don't wanna leave

them, but how do you, how do you protect

455

yourself in these situations when you

have to deal with, with people who are

456

putting you on high alert, bringing your

anxiety up probably from the past, I don't

457

know, maybe from something they've done.

458

What do you do in those moments when

there's kinda someone else triggering it?

459

Speaker 2: Well, the first thing

I'd say is number one, nobody

460

can make us feel anything I know.

461

Um, it's more about the wounds that are

being triggered in that environment.

462

Speaker: Okay.

463

Speaker 2: That's very real.

464

Um, I'll also say, you know, I don't have

kids and I am married, but what, where

465

I can relate to this is with my parents.

466

So, um, after a year of like

C-B-T-D-B-T, that's not what I do now,

467

but that kind of creates awareness.

468

I learned, man, my early childhood

stuff really did a number on me, right?

469

And I need to work through this.

470

And so I tried to bring that up

to my parents and it was met with

471

dismiss and react, you know, uh,

and which is understandable, they

472

weren't ready to see that they, um.

473

Didn't want to feel like they were the

problem, and nor did I want that at all.

474

I was really wanting to go

like, Hey, here's what I'm

475

feeling when I get around you.

476

And I try to be myself.

477

I can't, I, I get sick for like two weeks

afterwards and I'm doing really good here.

478

And it was, it just revealed the lack

of connection, the lack of openness and,

479

um, attunement you would call that in

the, in my early relationship with them.

480

It got to the point

where I, I cut 'em off.

481

I called going no contact, and um, I

just said, Hey, I need time and space

482

and I need to heal and work on me, and

right now I can't deal with you guys.

483

And they didn't understand boundaries and.

484

Um, didn't want to hear me, and

so I eventually had to cut them

485

off, uh, with my cell phone, like

I had to block their numbers.

486

Hadn't seen them in three years.

487

Now, oddly enough, today I got a letter

from my dad and we're gonna repair things

488

and it's gonna be good, which is awesome.

489

But I needed that time.

490

You could say, Mitch, you're an asshole.

491

You're not supposed to

do that to your parents.

492

But with all the healing work that I've

done, it was me or it was live or, or die.

493

And if, and if, I've gotta cut

some, I mean, with this, when

494

you do this work and you start

expressing yourself authentically,

495

some people are gonna love that.

496

Other people are not gonna be

down with that version because

497

they're used to the old version

498

Speaker: of you.

499

Mm-hmm.

500

Speaker 2: You're gonna know

who your friends are, um, and

501

you're gonna end relationships.

502

Um.

503

Maybe you don't have to, but

this, that's what I've experienced

504

with so many of my clients have.

505

And are we willing to meet ourself, right?

506

Are we gonna choose ourself?

507

Are we gonna choose somebody else?

508

And I chose to choose myself, and

after three and a half years of this,

509

I got the letter that I never expected.

510

Now I didn't need that.

511

I certainly craved that and wanted it.

512

I wanted that relationship.

513

I'm not, I didn't want to be in a

place right now that would affect,

514

uh, all this work that I've done.

515

It, it, it didn't feel like

that was, uh, appropriate for

516

myself or, or loving to myself.

517

And so I chose me and it

seems like it's working out.

518

I'm super, super excited about it.

519

But those are difficult decisions.

520

Um, and things that we have to see when

we're not wearing the ruby red glasses.

521

And, uh, when we take those off

and we meet ourself and our, the

522

people around us, um, we get the

opportunities to choose ourself.

523

And that, that choosing us is a huge

healing part instead of abandoning

524

ourself to stay in connection and taking

on these roles that drain our life force

525

energy and exacerbate our symptoms.

526

Speaker: Right.

527

So I guess for these people who

are parenting together with.

528

Someone who's either wounded them through

abuse or from old wounds, probably the

529

thing to remember from what I'm hearing

from you is to take care of yourself.

530

Yeah.

531

And yeah, they have to be in

some kind of communication, but

532

to do your best to set it up.

533

So that it's safe.

534

Speaker 2: Yeah.

535

Speaker: And then to realistically look

at it and to love themselves because what

536

you're saying is they're the ones making

themselves feel the way that they do not,

537

and this isn't like if someone's like.

538

Speaker 2: Well, those, those wounds,

they're not necessarily that, that,

539

when I hear that, it sounds like

I'm making myself the problem.

540

It's more having passion and understanding

that there are wounds and things

541

that affected me so that it doesn't

feel safe in certain environments.

542

And if I can see that, then I would

say in this situation, we gotta be

543

very clear on how we communicate and

we gotta set strong boundaries and we

544

have to make sure that works for us.

545

Whether that's limited contact, no, I'm

not telling anybody to go to no contact.

546

That was a, that's an extreme example.

547

Mm-hmm.

548

And that's the only option

that I had in my situation.

549

But I'm sure there's a million other,

you know, you name different apps and

550

Speaker: Right.

551

And

552

Speaker 2: you have a

mediator, a third party there.

553

But make sure that you feel safe.

554

Do can I actually, it's like we settle

and we please the other person, but if, if

555

not that they don't matter, but I matter.

556

And what I need matters.

557

Can I communicate, you know, and

and feel safe in this interaction?

558

And if I don't, then I gotta rethink that.

559

Speaker: I'm taking notes.

560

I mean, this sounds like why a lot of

people come and see me in the first place.

561

Speaker 2: And here's another thing too.

562

When we go through this process of healing

our wounds, we are building capacity

563

to be with the uncomfortable stuff

that we've been unwilling to address.

564

So now,

565

Speaker: yes.

566

Speaker 2: Uh, three years ago,

I wouldn't have been able to

567

get a letter back from my dad.

568

I would've been so angry.

569

But I've worked on my anger, I've worked

on, I, I remember thinking, uh, when

570

I got the letter, you know, I got this

coming up and that coming up, I'll, I'll,

571

I'll wait and read it afterwards because

I don't wanna shut down when I read it

572

and feel like crap for a week or two.

573

Now I have the capacity to go.

574

I don't care what it says.

575

It could piss me off.

576

It could, it could make me feel good.

577

I could get what I want or I couldn't,

but I'm gonna meet myself no matter what.

578

And I have the capacity to be

with whatever happens next,

579

and I'm not gonna shut down.

580

Speaker: Okay.

581

I like that.

582

And I think, and I'm watching, the

time is gone is going so fast, but

583

I think one of the big learning

moments for me in chatting with you

584

was you kind of kept bringing up.

585

I mean, I was like, yeah,

don't judge the anxiety.

586

But then when I started talking about

if I'm in a conversation with someone, I

587

was calling it my wounds and making it.

588

Bad about me and there's

so much shame in that.

589

So that kind of opened my eyes.

590

Speaker 2: It's sneaky, it's unconscious

and, and like it's really hard to see.

591

So it's cool to see that.

592

And I always say once you can

see it don't have to be it.

593

That doesn't mean I wave a

magic wand and it goes away.

594

There's so much happens through awareness.

595

And then changing our behavior

the next time something happens.

596

We, we heal through creating new

experiences so that our brain learns.

597

I can communicate, I

can stand up for myself.

598

Um, I'm, and I'm gonna, not gonna leave

myself if I have certain emotions.

599

Speaker: I love this.

600

And sometimes it might mean

walking away from someone

601

Speaker 2: sitting down

for a period of time or

602

Speaker: Yeah.

603

Speaker 2: Or

604

Speaker: a minute.

605

You know what it, yeah.

606

Right.

607

Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.

608

Speaker: All right.

609

Okay, Mitch, if people wanna work

with you, I'm gonna have all your

610

information in my show notes.

611

How do they find you?

612

Speaker 2: Um, I'm gonna give you

a free link to put in the show

613

notes for a 30 minute call with me.

614

Yay.

615

To see if we'd be a good fit.

616

Uh, my website is mitch webb.com.

617

They can contact me there.

618

I have my own podcast that's on YouTube

and all podcast platforms called Rooted

619

Conversations, and then I'm active on.

620

Instagram, Facebook,

LinkedIn, and TikTok now.

621

Speaker: Awesome.

622

All right.

623

I so appreciate you.

624

I appreciate the work that you're doing.

625

Thank you for that and for coming

on because a lot of people don't do

626

it when they have a runny nose, and

I know yours is worse than that.

627

Thanks

628

Speaker 2: for having me.

629

I appreciate the opportunity to share.

630

Speaker: It was just a

pleasure to chat with you.

631

Thanks, Mitch.