Uncover the transformative power of getting out from under financial constraints in this captivating episode hosted by Diane Schroeder. Meet Patti Handy, an entrepreneur who rebuilt her life after divorce and found a way to grow beyond financial struggles. Learn how facing financial difficulties forced Patty to confront her true self and prioritize her values. Explore the link between money, self-worth, and inner peace as Patty shares her journey towards financial stability and time freedom.

Discover the importance of letting go of material possessions, societal pressures, and the illusion of perfection. This episode will inspire you to embrace vulnerability, find your own path to financial success, and tap into your creative potential. Get ready for a thought-provoking conversation that challenges your beliefs and empowers you to live life on your terms with your finances in your control.

As a former Financial Advisor and Mortgage Advisor, Patti Handy had countless conversations with women, specifically divorced, widowed, and single women, who felt overwhelmed, embarrassed, and frustrated when it came to their finances, investing, and money. She's a Certified Life Coach, Certified Executive Coach, and published author of four books. With that said, soaring solo in life as a divorced, single mom, has taught her the most!

How to connect with Patti

www.pattihandy.com/

Instagram

@patti.handy

Facebook

www.facebook.com/pattihandy

LinkedIn

www.linkedin.com/in/pattihandy/

How to connect with Diane

www.thefireinsideher.com 

Diane@Thefireinsideher.com 

Instagram

@TheRealFireInHer 

LinkedIn

www.linkedin.com/in/dianeschroeder5/

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FREE Value Workbook: TheFireInsideHer.com/value

You can also get Self Care Audio download HERE –TheFireInsideHer.com/audio

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Welcome to The Fire Inside Her, the podcast where we explore the incredible stories of individuals who have discovered their inner fire on their journey to authenticity. I'm your host, Diane Schroeder, and I am so grateful that you are here.

Imagine a life that's seemingly perfect until one day, it all crumbles, leaving you in financial ruins after a challenging time and particularly a divorce. Our guest today not only survived the turbulent times of being divorced and financial ruin. But she emerged from the ashes with a fierce determination to rebuild her life and help others do the same. Patti is now a successful entrepreneur on a mission to guide women through their own financial journeys. This episode is really important because I don't think we talk about money enough. And I know from my financial journey of figuring out how to not let money control me, but instead, how to manage my money that it was such a huge relief and such an important part of self-care.

And she is very no nonsense, and she understands what it's like to go through really challenging financial times after a divorce because she's walked the path. So, tune in and discover the most crucial step you can take to regain control of your finances.

Welcome, everyone. I am so grateful to have our next guest today because we are going to talk about a subject that is near and dear to my heart. And I feel like for some of you listening out there, it might resonate as well. So, let's dive in with Patti Handy. Patti, welcome. I'm so happy to have you here today.

Thank you so much, Diane. I am so happy to be here too. I know it's going to be a great conversation.

Absolutely. So, for the icebreaker, let's get right in. I know that you are an avid reader, so if you wouldn't mind sharing your current favorite read.

Oh, my goodness. I just finished Verity. Did you read that book?

I did. In, like, a night.

Oh, gosh. That was a page turner, like, probably the most shocking ending I had ever. It just was amazing. Yes.

It was probably earlier this year I got introduced to Colleen Hoover. I was a little late to the party, and her books are just absolutely amazing.

Yeah. She is fantastic. And the other one that I finished recently as well, because I'm in a book club, so we go through books like crazy, was From Scratch.

Oh, the Netflix series.

The Netflix series is a little different than the book.

Okay.

Yeah. I actually, so far, prefer the book, but I've only seen 3 episodes of the Netflix, so I can't really say honestly. But the book is fantastic. Just a heads up, it's a little heavy.

Yeah. I usually find that books are so much better. And then I realized because it, you know, takes sometimes days to get through a book, and they condense it into, like, a 2-hour movie or a miniseries, and it just can't capture all the magic.

Yes.

Thank you for sharing that. And I want to start by asking, what is one piece of financial advice that you can give a woman who is finding herself starting over right now.

Yeah. That's a great question, and I get asked that a lot. And I can say that I was that woman. I went through a divorce many years ago, and my son was 18 months old at the time. And so, I know what that looks like starting over. I was unemployed at the time, so that feeling of, oh my gosh. What do I do? Where do I start? My son is my priority. What, you know, where do we even begin? But fast forward to today, I would say, first and foremost, give yourself some grace and just know that it's going to take some time to unwind the emotional and the traumatic and the grief that you're going through.

I would also suggest that you don't make any big financial decisions when you're in this very vulnerable, emotional state because that decision probably won't be a great one. So, give it some time. Unless it's something that's super urgent and there's just no other option, you’ve got to make a decision financially, then ask for some help. Get some help from either an adviser, CPA, somebody who's a professional expert who can guide you with that, but, if at all possible, just focus on you right now. Focus on getting well. Focus on getting out from under the cloud, and then take the steps from there, and I can kind of elaborate on that after you're out of this fog. I can continue on if you want me to continue on with that conversation.

No. Absolutely. So, before you continue on, I have to say that being in a similar situation about 9 years ago now, I was faced with a very high conflict divorce. I had a 2-year-old at the time, and I did not do any of the things that you just said to do. I was terrified. I did not give myself grace. I jumped into another relationship, which is a whole different podcast topic. And, financially, I ended up buying a house with that individual before the dust even settled.

It was a terrible mistake, and it really, what it did was prolong my healing and recovery to get to of a financially stable place. So, it's very counterintuitive. I thought, alright, I'm going to have the family I needed. I'm going to have the stability, And I hadn't taken care of myself first, so thank you for sharing that. That is advice that I wish I would have followed; I wish I would have received. So, if anyone is out there listening, heed that advice. It's kind of counterintuitive, but it's so, so important to heal yourself first so that you can be there for your children, for your kiddo, and then figure out how the next steps are. So, what would those next steps be?

What you just shared, give yourself some grace for what you just went through. We take sometimes the wrong path and or not the greatest path. And that's okay.

Yes.

We learn, we grow, and we move forward. Right? So, let that be a graceful moment for yourself. So, once the dust settles and you're out from this black fog, if you will, I would suggest that you get a very, very solid good handle on where you're at today, financially and otherwise. So, when it comes to your money, it's important to really understand the financial situation that you're in, and that it means cash flow, what's coming in, what's going out, what's the cost to run this household, what am I bringing in financially. What assets do I have? What retirement funds do I have? What taxable brokerage account do I have? Do I own a home? Do I have life insurance? Do I have, whatever all that looks like, document everything so you understand your starting point of where you're at today, and then make a plan not too far out, but, you know, maybe 6 months to a year out. And go, okay, I want to be here at 1 year from now. And whether that's out of debt, you know, x dollars in a savings account that's emergency, if I want to have my retirement funds looked at to make sure I'm allocated correctly. Whatever those goals are, find out, you know, where you want to be in 1 year from now. And then look at the baby steps, and I say that very carefully, baby steps, because they are baby steps that you take from going from point A to point B. And don't look at it all in one big swallow because it's like, oh my gosh, too overwhelming. Just take it one thing at a time. Just one little step at a time, and prioritize those things that have to be looked at in terms of importance, and then just move past that. And then you'll look back a year from now and go, okay. I did it. One little step at a time.

Thank you. So much of that resonates because of the overwhelm. And when I finally like, I had to pause. personally, I had to put on pause a couple years before I could really get to that point. And it was terrifying. And I think it was terrifying because I had this idea in my head of what my life was going to look like and what it should be like, including a family. So, it was simultaneously processing the grief of the divorce and the end of the marriage also helping my child and then trying to figure out what do my finances look like and what I learned, and I'm curious if you can speak to this, is the more I started to empower myself and take control over my finances instead of letting them control me and face that fear, it also helped other areas of my life. Is that correct?

Oh, absolutely. A 100%. Because that confidence that you gain by becoming empowered, by being proactive, by taking the steps to learn the financial piece, the money piece, which is usually our weakest link. It's what we fear most because we don't really get it. No. I can do other things because I nailed this. Or even if you didn't nail it, if you just, like, you know, moved forward in it, then the confidence ripples out into other parts of your world a 100%.

Why do you think women especially struggle with a relationship to money.

I think we all struggle with a relationship with money. I think that women just tend to verbalize it more. Men aren't as open to being vulnerable and saying, you know what? I don't understand this. I don't get it. They're more of, oh, that's fine. I got it. When in fact, they may not. And that's not a global statement.

I mean, I don't mean to say that, like, that's just from what I witnessed. There's, you know, men who are absolutely share their feelings openly, and there are some women that will not. So, it's not like a, you know, black and white, answer there. But I think most women, and especially those that are, like, 50 and older who are from a baby boomer, the husband typically took care of the money. They would typically manage it. They would invest it. And not because, you know, he was not necessarily better at it or not, it just took care of it.

And she didn't find the need to learn or know because he was doing it. Everything was fine. So, if you lost your spouse to a passing, you are suddenly like, oh, dear. I don't know what to do. I don't even know where our documents are to being divorced. Now you've got half your assets. You've got everything split in half, so you're now behind the 8 ball with that. So, there's that issue. And the reality is that we weren't taught this information in school, something I'm pushing really hard.

And we're not typically taught at home, you know, as young kids. You know, some like, my parents did teach some money stuff, but it's not very common where mom and dad will sit down with the kids and go, okay, let's talk about what this looks like. And if you save this much money every month, in 30 years, you're going to be a millionaire just by doing these small, simple, little steps.

Oh, I couldn't agree more. You know, you're talking about that, and I'm thinking, we did not talk about money in our house at all, and my parents did the best they could with the tools that they have. But what I've taken that into for me as I parent is I'm very open about money with my son. And what a gift to give him as to how to budget, how to, you know, exchange goods. If he wants to buy something, I give him the cash to do it so he feels what that transaction is like. And it's sometimes really hard for him to give up his hard-earned money, and I'm, like, exactly. That's the point. And in my brain, I'm thinking, hopefully, this pays off down the road so that he has a better understanding. And, again, I think there's just so much control over it. And I could just be speaking for me, but I can recall nights just waking up in the middle of the night, like, how am I going to do this? How is it going to work? And it eventually does, but it's being real. And I also believe that it's a great gift of self-care. What do you think about that?

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And it stems back to, I'm worthy. I deserve to have the peace of mind. And we were all born worthy. We don't earn our worth. Right? And our self-worth has nothing to do with our net worth. Our self-worth is already here. We have it. We just may or may not acknowledge it. And so, yes, the self-care piece is absolutely vital. And, you know, you've heard this at the cliche, but if your cup isn't full, you can't help someone else. Right? If you're empty and you're going on fumes, it’s hard to take care of, you know, a child, let alone children. And so, it's super imperative that self-care is very important.

Absolutely. Well, and I think it also forces when you have to figure out your financial situation, it really forces you to come face to face with parts of your authentic self. And what I mean by that is because you may not have the finances to buy the latest fads or the most expensive clothes or the fanciest car. You know, that was the first thing that went for me. I sold my car and paid cash for a not so nice car. And that was really hard on my ego, but it didn't change my worth, as you said. And I think that it's really important to acknowledge that for people listening that, yeah, it's hard. You have to make some really hard choices that, in the short term, may seem really uncomfortable, or you might worry about, well, this isn't my style or how I like to, you know, look, and you have to let go of a lot of those things that you had with a double income or whatever your financial situation is, the flip side to that is it forces you to really dig deep into who you are and what you value and what matters to you, and you find a way to be creative and really just kind of express yourself in a different way, maybe not through material things.

Yeah. You absolutely hit it on the head, and it's so important. And I think today, unfortunately, society today, there's a lot of keeping up with the Joneses and, you know, social media and everyone's life is glorious and everything else. But for me, my peace of mind, my financial freedom, my time freedom, my ability to give back, my ability to have that quietness in my head is far more important than having the latest and greatest gadget, nicest car, biggest house, you know, whatever. And I think, unfortunately, there is a lot of that need to feel like we are, you know, we made it, we're successful, and we show that externally. And to me, it's just so much more important for me to have that peace of mind. And if I don't have the latest car I mean, it's nice to have a nice car. I mean, I enjoy nice cars. I get that, but not at the expense of my peace of mind.

Well said. And I want to reemphasize that so much because it's absolutely true. And a lot of times, I think we buy things to fill a void. Right? It's an addictive thing. If we're not drinking too much, we're shopping at least, you know, because it's that temporary, oh, this will make me feel better. So, on top of everything else, to get to that financial piece, it's a soul-searching experience. It really is. It's kind of scary, and it's not fast. You know, as you were saying, in this quick fix society, you can buy something on Amazon this morning, and it'll be delivered by lunch time, if you're lucky. Getting to that place financially, it takes time. And by time, it could take years. And that's okay as long as, like you said, baby steps. If someone listening is like, alright. I don't even know where to start. What does a small step look like? Can you give any, like, just a few couple tips of what that small first couple steps look like? Besides making sure you know where you start and the finances you have, like, okay, so now what? I don't like to budget, or I don't know what a budget is. Where can people start?

I'm going to kind of dive off from where we just finished talking about, and that is the internal work that we need to do. So, that internal work has to happen once you're out of the cloud. You need to do a lot of reflection, a lot of soul searching, a lot of understanding your why. Why is it that I want this? Well, I want to go to sleep at night. I want to make sure that I don't run out of money. I want to make sure I'm not going to be a burden to my kids. I want to make sure that I'm going to be okay in retirement or whatever it is your why is. Maybe your why is because you want to be able to leave a certain amount of money to your kid or something. But understand your why, and your why cannot be tied to a material item.

Your why cannot be because I want to buy a new Mercedes. Okay. That's not going to work. Right? So, that might be on your wish list, and nothing's wrong with the new Mercedes. But again, not at the expense of your financial peace and freedom and peace of mind. But that internal work has to happen. So, what does that look like? That looks like finding time for yourself, finding stillness, and whether you journal, whether you pray, whether you meditate, whatever it is that you do to really take a look at what's most important in your life and how to get there. I won't say how old I am, but I'm older than you. And with age comes this wisdom and this sort of, like, I don't give a shit mentality. Can I cuss on the on the podcast?

Absolutely. Because that is so true.

Because, you know, it's at a point where I'm like, whatever. And so, I think that internal work is first and foremost. And I call it our money story, and I talk a lot about that in the course. It's understanding our relationship with money, and it's tied to that emotional spending, sort of retail therapy conversation. But it also has to do with the limiting beliefs that's in our subconscious mind that's programmed and this loop that's happening because there is a loop that's happening in our subconscious mind. And 95% of our reality is based off of our subconscious thinking and our limiting beliefs that we learned as a child. And that topic can be another hour-long conversation. There's a lot to that relationship with money. But from a mechanical place, first let me say, I can teach you the mechanics of money.

You can learn how to, you know, invest in mutual funds, what a mutual fund is, what an index fund is, you know, how to increase your credit, some of those things that are important to your financial house. Because those are all just again, they're mechanical. But if you don't have that money story and that relationship in place and that internal place of peace, you can do all the mechanics all day long, but you're still going to find yourself in trouble because you're still not dealing with the foundation, which is like, the foundation of a house. If it's not solid, the house will fall. Right? And that's why you see so many, a lot of winners. They come into all this money and shortly thereafter, it's gone because their internal work hasn't been done.

That ties exactly into what I preach pretty much every week is you can't outrun the work. Eventually, you're going to have to do the work. Whatever the circumstance that brings you to face the internal work that you need to do, whether it be a divorce, whether, you know, you find yourself starting over financially, whether it's just a life change, career change, any type of transition, you can't outrun doing the work, and that's the greatest gift you can give yourself. And the limiting beliefs is so true. I think that's an ongoing process. Right? That's where grace comes in. But it's pretty often I have to shut those limiting beliefs down. Whenever I try something new or when I think, oh, this is going to be great. It's that, oh, no. It's going to be terrible. Foreboding joy, you know, that I call it your security detail. And you sometimes you just got to acknowledge they are there, and acknowledge that internal systems that are in place to tell you no, no, no are there to protect you. But if you can give them gratitude and be thankful that you have those in place and then push them aside to move forward, it is possible. It's just messy sometimes.

It is messy, but one important thing well, you said many important things. One thing that you said was you're aware of it. That awareness is the first step. So, yes, those beliefs that's part of our DNA. This is just who we are. This process of unlearning and internal growth, it's a lifelong journey. There is no destination. You will never finish growing. Right? And the best way to sort of embrace that is just to know that this is all part of your emotional evolution stepping into your greatness, and enjoy the journey. Don't fight it and go, oh, gosh. I'm just such a mess. I can't stand this. No. This is like I'm becoming a badass, and this is fantastic.

I love emotional evolution. That is perfect. So, what are some of the benefits. And I guess when you get through that messy middle, what does that look like for peace and freedom? I'm sure it's different for everyone. In your experience with your clients that you've worked with, what does that look like? That piece and kind of, you know, the baby steps along the journey when you get through kind of the meat of figuring out your finances and you get to the other side, what does that look like?

Yeah. Well, there's obviously a, you know, there's a lot of proud. Proud of the client. They're very proud of themselves. It's fantastic. Every client is so unique, and, you know, there's possibility of getting out of debt. And once they got out of that debt, it's like, woo-hoo. This is fantastic. And there's just this release. There's like this elephant off your chest and you feel like, oh my gosh. Now I can start to move forward and get things on track. Maybe it's having a certain amount of money in an emergency, you know, cash account that you just know that, okay. If I lost my job today, if something happened, if I, you know, needed some money, a couple $1,000 for something, I have it. It's that sense of, okay, now I've got this. So, you have this new control, like you said, the sense of control in your financial world. There's no more lack of security. The sense of stability, which is very peaceful. You have the sense of empowerment knowing that, okay, I went through this and I got to the other side, so I'm able to deal with other things as they come. And it's building resilience. It's building that strength. And like I said earlier, you know, it doesn't end. You just continue to grow, and that's a good thing. That's a beautiful thing. Right?

Absolutely. I think there seems to be a lot of shame about talking about finances and money. Personally, I know, again, that's something that I really experienced. How important is having a safe community to help get you through this? Who, to surround yourself with people that can support you. They may not be able to fix it because it really is an internal journey, but just to share your story and get it out instead of carrying all of that inside.

Good timing that you share this. So, the community is huge. I think that if you have people who are in similar situations as you are, and they can lift you up. You lift each other up, and you have this safe space where you can just let things out, that's a beautiful thing. What I have found is that most women do not want to talk about this at all. There is that shame, there is that embarrassment, and the reason why I say funny timing is that my course is a group coaching course, and I was speaking to many, many women the last few weeks, and I was trying to get their comfort level with group. And every single one of them said, I don't want to talk about my money in a group.

I want to work with you one-on-one. So, the group coaching program that I have is on pause. I'm like, okay. Let's just pause that. So, it might happen later. Maybe they work with me one-on-one, they become this empowered individual. They are feeling more comfortable, feeling more confident, and then they can sit in that room with other women and not be in that place of shame or embarrassment. But if you're in that place of that raw, vulnerable, it's hard to, you know, have that with strangers. Now if you have a bunch of close friends and sisters or family that you can sit with, that's different. But to sit in a room of strangers and, you know, bare it all, it's hard. And I have found this from speaking with women, they just don't want to.

That's really interesting, and I agree with that. I think that if you would have asked me 5 or 6 years ago, hey. I've got a group coaching that can help you find your financial peace; I was too embarrassed. And to also talk about once you get to the other side. For me, when I paid off all my debt, that was one of the greatest feelings I've ever had in my life. I mean, I put that up there with having my son with, you know, some other accomplishments in my life. But that by far is one of the greatest accomplishments I've ever done. And I wish that I could go back and talk to me 5 or 6 years ago to say, you should share this struggle because there's power in that. There's power in the community piece of it. And maybe by having conversations like this, it will resonate with women, like, okay, I believe that I could do this. And while it can be uncomfortable to share with strangers, I would offer it's also very empowering and liberating because they don't know your past. They don't have that space to judge because they're in a similar space, and there's something beautiful about that. So, I hope that you find more success getting a group coaching program going because I think that'd be really beneficial. How can my listeners find you and what, aside from the one-on-one coaching, how can you help?

The best way to find me is my website. It's just my name, pattihandy.com, so PATTIHANDY.com. And on there, there's a free eBook that I wrote. You can sign up for the free eBook at that download, and there's a free training you can watch. I do the one-on-one financial coaching, but I also have a digital online course called Minding Her Money. And it's a 9 module, very comprehensive, not just financial, but we talk about the money story, the money beliefs, talk about self-care, all the things we talked about today. You can learn about that on the website. And that was the course that was in my group coaching.

So, I offered that course along with the group coaching. And so, I took away the group coaching, but you can still buy the course. So, my hope is basically to come back to that group coaching after some time that the ladies have gone through it. They're feeling more confident, and they're feeling more comfortable. And to your point, yes, being that vulnerable in a group setting, if someone else hears, gosh, I've got x dollars in debt. Or you don't even need to mention the dollar amount. You can just say I'm dealing with credit card debt, going through a divorce, I'm trying to unwind student debt, you know, whatever it is, they're going to go, you know what? Me too. And this is how I did it, and this might help you. Or I've got this resource or this online calculator or this whatever, and you begin to help each other. And that just makes you feel less alone going, oh my gosh. I'm not the only person with all this debt. Yes. The world has this as well. And that's a very loving feeling. Right? Just knowing that you've got the support and love. So, long answer to your question, the group is important, and I am going to get back to it. But I feel like, yes, a 100% what you said. That's so important.

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom with finances. And I will make sure that there are links in the show notes so that people can find you. And I think I would love to know, how has being your most authentic self, changed your life?

It has allowed me to be braver, was a financial adviser, and I had a nice job with a nice income and 401k and medical benefits and blah, blah, blah. And I left it all to do this financial coaching, to do this business. And I don't know that I could have done that if I didn't really have this sense of resilience that I came with over these years of raising my son. And, I mean, I had bumps along the road. Believe you me. I had debt, too. I had credit card debt, and there was a lot of boulders that I went through. But I made it. Going through all that and getting to the other side with the help of family, God, resilience, it has given me this new power and this new courage and this bravery. And I don't think I would have done that leap of faith had I not done that. So, I am a true believer that all of our experiences, all of our challenges are really meant to teach us and to help us become our best version, and they are a lesson to be learned. Now if you had told me that when I was in the heat of my divorce, this is a good lesson. You know, I would have called you a few choice names. I would have said you're absolutely out of your mind. But, you know, looking back now, it's like, yes. I can see how this benefited me, how I became who I am because of that experience.

So, long answer to your question, the courage and the bravery that comes with that is really priceless.

That is such a beautiful answer. And to illustrate how being in community and sharing stories can connect people. I would have a similar answer if I were asked that question. I just retired, well, it's been 4 months now, from a 24-year career in the fire service. And I believe that all of the struggles that I had in walking away from a well-paying job and a pension and everything to start and focus on my own business took courage, took resiliency. I know I can do really hard things because I have, and I've lived through hard things. And if I put it in perspective, okay, I can do this too because it really doesn't seem that hard compared to a lot of the other things I've gone through.

Yeah. Good for you. I applaud you.

Well, thank you, and likewise to you. And I appreciate you sharing time and wisdom today and inspiring my listeners and just encouraging that you can still fight. It's never insurmountable to get out of it, especially when it comes to finances. You just have to prioritize doing the work to get there.

Yes. And have a plan in place. There has to be a road map and a plan. It just can't be this willy nilly kind of, oh, I'll just pay here. It's got to be an absolute plan. And for anyone who's listening, if you go to my website on the contact page, I will get those emails directly. So, feel free to respond or reach out to me with questions, and I do offer a free 30-minute call. And if I can help you, I will on that call.

Perfect. Patti, thank you so much.

Thank you for having me. It was a blast.

Another great conversation. Thank you for giving the valuable gift of your time and listening to The Fire Inside Her podcast. Speaking of value, one of the most common potholes we fall into on the journey to authenticity is not recognizing our value. So, I created a workbook. It's all about value. Head on over to thefireinsideher.com/value to get your free workbook that will help you remember your value. Until next time, my friend.