Transcripts
As you start moving into more and
more of who you are, ask yourself,
Speaker:what helps my body
soften instead of brace?
Speaker:This is part of your healing and
this is part of your unfolding.
Speaker:Hello and welcome back to
Remember Why You Are Here,
Speaker:a podcast for seekers and sensitives
where you can relax, receive,
Speaker:reconnect yourself and remember
the most important thing of all,
Speaker:why you're here. I'm Asia
Suler, author, teacher,
Speaker:earth intuitive. And
in this episode today,
Speaker:we're going to drop into your questions,
Speaker:questions that you all have sent
me over the last handful of months.
Speaker:You all come up with the best questions.
Speaker:So I'm really excited to dive into some
of these topics in this episode today,
Speaker:including supporting people
through end of life transitions,
Speaker:what to do when you don't receive
any images when you're meditating,
Speaker:how to overcome some of the
feelings of silliness and
Speaker:resistance or worry about
coming off as too woo,
Speaker:and so much more. So with that,
let's dive into our first question.
Speaker:So this question is from Shana and Shana
left me a voice message to say this.
Speaker:I'm wondering how sensitives can relate to
Speaker:routines or rituals and consistency.
Speaker:As a sensitive and creative
Speaker:in this world,
Speaker:that's something that I've struggled with
my whole life and I would love to hear
Speaker:you speak on that.
Speaker:So if you are a sensitive and a creative,
Speaker:you likely have a lot of energy
inside of yourself that needs to
Speaker:go towards creating something that
needs to go towards fulfilling
Speaker:that soul impulse inside of you.
Speaker:And exactly as Shana
mentioned in this question,
Speaker:it's really helpful to have
rhythms and routines and
Speaker:consistency in what you're doing in
order to bring these visions to life.
Speaker:And it's almost like if we
don't have those things,
Speaker:then that energy that wants to go into
creation can kind of just start to
Speaker:twirl around and get tangled inside of
ourselves and it can then feel like we're
Speaker:overwhelmed or we're carrying too much.
Speaker:And some of that is because this creative
energy needs to go out in the world.
Speaker:So let's talk about it.
Speaker:First thing I'm going to say
is that if you want to have
Speaker:rhythms and routines that help
you create what you're feeling
Speaker:called to create in this world,
Speaker:it is most helpful to
reverse engineer the life
Speaker:you desire. So often,
Speaker:we have a dream or a vision of
what we want our life to look like,
Speaker:including what we want our
creative life to look like.
Speaker:And we often think we need to take
these steps in order to get there,
Speaker:and that's true,
Speaker:but what ends up happening is that we
end up being confused about which step to
Speaker:take, what that routine looks like.
Speaker:And the way we do that is not by finding
random puzzle pieces and putting them
Speaker:together;
Speaker:it's by looking at the overall picture
of the puzzle that you're completing and
Speaker:then deciding, okay, which
pieces do I start with first?
Speaker:So I always tell people,
Speaker:especially when I'm coaching people
in my course Business as a Spiritual
Speaker:Journey,
Speaker:to come up with the overall picture
first of what do you want your days to
Speaker:feel like? What do you want your life to
look like? What... in your ideal world,
Speaker:what would your creative practice look
like? How much time would you have?
Speaker:What do you want to create? And then
once you have that bigger picture,
Speaker:then you reverse engineer your
days and you ask yourself, okay,
Speaker:if that's where I want to go,
if this is the bigger picture,
Speaker:what do these small tangible steps
look like now? Where do I begin?
Speaker:And with sensitive people in particular,
Speaker:I often find the place that you need
to begin is not by adding something
Speaker:into your life, but by removing
something. As sensitives,
Speaker:we tend to take on more
than we are actually built
Speaker:to handle.
Speaker:It's this strange paradox where we both
have a ton of capacity and so we say yes
Speaker:to things and we take on responsibilities.
Speaker:But then the reality is that our
bodies don't thrive with that
Speaker:kind of overwhelm and that kind
of overextension of ourselves.
Speaker:And so if we want a really rich, solid,
Speaker:creative practice in our life, we're
going to have to let go of something.
Speaker:And sometimes, oftentimes,
Speaker:this means letting go of something
where you're actually self-abandoning,
Speaker:something where you have said
yes to it, you've over-committed,
Speaker:and you're actually abandoning your
creative self or your creative practice in
Speaker:order to do that.
Speaker:And so go through your days and look at
Speaker:what you've committed to, look
at what you've said yes to,
Speaker:and then ask yourself,
Speaker:"Does this help me feel more expanded
or more contracted?" And that is a
Speaker:sure sign that if something feels
like it's kind of contracting you,
Speaker:that might be something for you to review
and possibly something for you to let
Speaker:go of.
Speaker:I find with sensitive people that the
problem isn't getting in touch with our
Speaker:own selves actually.
Speaker:The problem is that you've picked up so
much energy that it's blocking you from
Speaker:hearing that voice within or that
creative impulse within or that
Speaker:organizing principle that is going to
help you figure out the steps that you
Speaker:need to meet your goal. So even having
a daily practice at the end of the day,
Speaker:or before you sit down in
whatever your creative pursuit is,
Speaker:where you cleanse away all the other
energies that are not yours from the day,
Speaker:where you envision yourself like a crystal
and you give yourself a bath and let
Speaker:it all go,
Speaker:where you call the lights of yourself
back to you and all the places that you
Speaker:left them. This is huge for sensitives.
Speaker:We often don't realize that the reason
why we're experiencing blockages or
Speaker:static is because we are tracking too
many people and taking care of too many
Speaker:things. And when it comes
to ritual in particular,
Speaker:I think ritual is an incredible tool for
Speaker:stepping into your creative channel,
Speaker:for living gracefully and
fluidly in one's life.
Speaker:So ritual itself can actually
be part of a transition piece.
Speaker:And this is something that I find is up
in particular for sensitive people is
Speaker:that we often struggle with transitions.
Speaker:Transitions are innately
sensorially overwhelming.
Speaker:You're going from one
state of being to another.
Speaker:So if you are someone who
finds yourself, for example,
Speaker:you're excited to sit down and
you work on this piece of writing,
Speaker:but you get to that place and then you
immediately go on your phone and you
Speaker:start scrolling and you're
like, "Why am I doing this?
Speaker:I actually am looking forward to
this next thing that I'm doing,
Speaker:or I had been looking forward to it and
now I'm feeling anxiety and I'm just
Speaker:sort of doing something mindless on my
phone." The reason why you're doing that
Speaker:is because the transition
itself is uncomfortable.
Speaker:The transition itself is a bit
overwhelming for your body.
Speaker:So rituals can really help with
that transition time and that
Speaker:transition piece. So rituals could
be as simple as lighting a candle,
Speaker:burning some incense, moving your
body for two minutes to a song,
Speaker:taking a deep breath with
your hand on your heart,
Speaker:whatever signals to you
and your body that this
Speaker:transition is underway and gives you some
time to just be present with the fact
Speaker:that it might be a little unsettling
for your body to move from one thing to
Speaker:another. And as sensitive people,
Speaker:we go very deeply into
whatever the situation is
Speaker:that we are within.
Speaker:So if you're going from
say parenting to sitting
Speaker:down to work on your book,
that's a big transition.
Speaker:You are just in a whole other world
directly attuning to your child or
Speaker:children, keeping a million
things in your brain,
Speaker:tracking all the details of what needs
to be cleaned in the house and the
Speaker:appointments that need to be made.
Speaker:And so give yourself some grace in that
transition time because it might take a
Speaker:moment, but if you're aware
of that and you ritualize it,
Speaker:it can be incredibly helpful.
Speaker:And I often find when I feel overloaded
Speaker:and I have an inability to
drop into my creative practice,
Speaker:then often what's needed is ritual.
Speaker:And so you will find the
rituals that work well for you.
Speaker:In my teachings,
Speaker:I talk about rituals
such as channeling work,
Speaker:shamanic journeying, sit spots
outside, plant communication.
Speaker:So if any of those feel
sparkly or interesting to you,
Speaker:I teach about most of those in
most of the classes that I offer,
Speaker:but you will know what's the right
ritual transition piece for you.
Speaker:Maybe it's going to be bringing
flowers in from outside or meditating,
Speaker:whatever it is.
Speaker:Ritual often is the answer if
you continually reach blocks in
Speaker:creating a schedule or
a routine for yourself.
Speaker:And remembering here that it's not
about rigidity, it's about relationship.
Speaker:So it's not about picking a schedule
and sticking to it no matter what.
Speaker:It's about healing your
relationship to time,
Speaker:your relationship to
your creative impulse,
Speaker:your relationship to your body and
its sensitivity in these steps.
Speaker:And I often find it's really easiest
in terms of building routine,
Speaker:consistency, et cetera, to
take small steps at a time,
Speaker:to not give yourself this
huge overhaul at once,
Speaker:but to give yourself these small steps
so that you can build that relationship
Speaker:with your own creative
practice. And then lastly,
Speaker:within all of this,
Speaker:we're building this skill of resiliency
because the reality is that nothing is
Speaker:ever constant. Things are always changing.
Speaker:So whatever routine you have now might
not be the routine you have a year from
Speaker:now. Whatever routine you have now,
Speaker:it might get completely dashed next week
when something totally unexpected comes
Speaker:up. And so building
this tool of resiliency,
Speaker:of having the built-in rituals and
gentleness and patience with oneself that
Speaker:help us bounce back instead of feeling
completely flattened when something
Speaker:goes off kilter-because that's going
to happen. And one thing that really,
Speaker:really helps with this
is if you prioritize your
Speaker:creative pursuit, the thing
you're most excited about,
Speaker:as the first thing in your day every day.
Speaker:Often what happens is things
go haywire as the day goes
Speaker:on.
Speaker:And so if you prioritize the thing
that is most important to you first,
Speaker:you have fresh energy, you
have fresh possibility,
Speaker:there's way more likelihood that you're
not going to get thrown off track with
Speaker:that.
Speaker:This can be really challenging
for sensitive people
because we often feel like I
Speaker:need to take care of everyone else
first before I can take care of me.
Speaker:But the opposite is true.
Speaker:You will have such a wider ability to
take care of other people if you take care
Speaker:of the thing that is most
important to your heart first.
Speaker:And so I'm not necessarily talking about
first thing in the morning. I mean,
Speaker:first thing in the morning,
Speaker:I'm making my daughter breakfast
and getting her off to school.
Speaker:I'm certainly not dropping
into my creative practice.
Speaker:I am not someone who can wake
up very early in the morning,
Speaker:so that's just not a
thing for me. But for me,
Speaker:that looks like once I do
have my space or my time,
Speaker:I sit down, I meditate first thing,
Speaker:drop into some channeling work,
and then I write. And for me,
Speaker:that's my creative practice is writing.
Speaker:So I prioritize that thing that
is most important to my heart.
Speaker:And if you even just give yourself
one hour to focus on that thing,
Speaker:even if it's just once a
week, one hour once a week,
Speaker:it's going to open up so
much possibility for you.
Speaker:So these are all the tools and the
things that I keep in mind in terms of
Speaker:creating consistency around
routines and rituals so that my
Speaker:creative spark can flourish.
Speaker:I hope that it was helpful for you
because the world really needs what
Speaker:you're here to create
as a sensitive person.
Speaker:The world deeply needs what it
is that you are passionate about.
Speaker:And so making the space
that you need in order to
Speaker:have that creation come through is
part of your service to the world.
Speaker:This next great question comes
from a listener named Catherine,
Speaker:and though it's specific to
something Catherine is experiencing,
Speaker:I think the overarching question is really
going to resonate with a lot of you.
Speaker:So let's listen in.
Speaker:Hi, Asia. I'm wondering if you've
had any experience with aphantasia.
Speaker:I have aphantasia and it's essentially
where you cannot see images in your
Speaker:mind's eye. So if somebody asks me to
close my eyes and picture an apple,
Speaker:I know what an apple looks like,
but I don't see an image of it.
Speaker:This has been frustrating for me as I
try to connect more to my psychic gifts,
Speaker:my intuition, and to visualization
for co-creation and manifestation.
Speaker:So I would just be curious to hear
if you've ever experienced this,
Speaker:how you've maybe guided
students or clients through it,
Speaker:and just any wisdom you
have around it. Thanks.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So first thing I want to say is that
it is so normal in meditations to
Speaker:not see imagery, whether
or not you have aphantasia.
Speaker:It is very, very normal to not be
receiving things through a visual channel.
Speaker:And I want to just affirm
you that this is not a
Speaker:deficit in imagination if this is you,
Speaker:that this is not a lack in your intuition.
Speaker:It's just that you receive
through different channels,
Speaker:and that's actually a
really special thing.
Speaker:So if you have aphantasia or
if you are just not someone
Speaker:who has very strong mental imagery,
Speaker:I want you to know that you
are processing information
Speaker:differently than perhaps someone
who does have really strong visuals,
Speaker:and that is an asset. And what I
encourage you to do is to embrace it.
Speaker:There is a reason why
mystics throughout time
Speaker:have gone on journeys to deprive
themselves of certain senses,
Speaker:whether that's their sense of sight
by going into sensory deprivation
Speaker:tank, silence, like taking vows of
Speaker:prudence or simplicity.
Speaker:So there's a reason why
mystics forever have done this,
Speaker:and it's because it opens up our
other channels of information and
Speaker:communication. It clarifies that channel.
Speaker:And what I have found with people who
don't have very strong mental imagery is
Speaker:that their other senses are
incredibly strong and there's a lot to
Speaker:receive there. So asking yourself,
Speaker:letting go of trying to have a
visual, and instead being like,
Speaker:"What do I feel? What do
I sense? What do I hear?
Speaker:What do I taste?
Speaker:Is there a somatic knowing
in my body? Is it conceptual?
Speaker:Does it seem like I just sort of have
an awareness download into my psyche?
Speaker:What emotions am I feeling right
now?" All of these channels
Speaker:are just as important
as visual, if not more.
Speaker:I think there's a level in
which these more somatic,
Speaker:conceptual, sensorial...
using our other senses,
Speaker:intuitive channels,
Speaker:can actually give us clearer feedback
at times on what it is we're actually
Speaker:receiving. Looks can be deceiving.
Speaker:And so I think if you are
someone who doesn't have visuals,
Speaker:this is actually an invitation for you
to recognize the other really clear
Speaker:channels that you do have in place.
So that said, in a lot of meditations,
Speaker:people will ask you to see
or to visualize something.
Speaker:And I want to encourage you to just make
this switch in your brain anytime you
Speaker:hear that, anytime somebody
says, imagine or see,
Speaker:what you will hear is, feel or sense.
Speaker:So if someone says,
Speaker:"Imagine you're in a meadow." You can
just have this ability to flip it in your
Speaker:brain just right away,
Speaker:have it there and go "feel that
you're in a meadow." And notice
Speaker:how that shifts for you.
Speaker:Notice how much more information can
come in when you're not trying to reach
Speaker:for a channel in which that's
not the way in which the
Speaker:information wants to reach you.
Speaker:So what I have found is that people
with aphantasia or difficulty
Speaker:receiving mental images,
Speaker:that they often are actually
really good at synthesizing complex
Speaker:information intuitively.
Speaker:We can get very stuck
on visuals sometimes.
Speaker:We can get really attached
to them. Like I said before,
Speaker:looks can be deceiving.
Speaker:We can sometimes mistake
vivid imaginations for an
Speaker:answer to some of our questions.
Speaker:And so what I find is that when we're
not overly relying on the visuals,
Speaker:that it actually increases our
ability to have this complex
Speaker:multi-layered integration
of the information we're
receiving because visual is
Speaker:literally only one of our five senses,
and that's just the five senses.
Speaker:We're not even talking about
extra sensory abilities. So
Speaker:think about people who go
into sensory deprivation
Speaker:experiences specifically to open
up the portal of our awareness.
Speaker:If you are someone who's
not receiving mental images,
Speaker:you already have that in place.Actually,
Speaker:the portal of your awareness
is really wide. Lean into that.
Speaker:Lean into what is there because you
have this ability to synthesize complex
Speaker:information in the absence of images
that creates a greater picture.
Speaker:And I really just want to encourage
you to know that your intuition speaks
Speaker:to you in the way your
innate channels work.
Speaker:All of us have channels of intuition in
which we are receiving information in
Speaker:which we are having the guidance
that we need to live our life.
Speaker:And the way in which it comes in
will be completely unique to you.
Speaker:And this is important because it's
actually helping you understand yourself.
Speaker:It's helping you understand
how you work in this body,
Speaker:the vessel that you're in,
Speaker:and how to receive information in a
way that works for you in your life
Speaker:path. So instead of fighting or
resisting any of these things,
Speaker:to lean into, soften in, and to
expand out to see what is there,
Speaker:because I guarantee there is
actually so much there that you are
Speaker:receiving and you are experiencing.
Speaker:And the thing that you think limits
you is actually the very thing that is
Speaker:opening you up to even
greater possibility. Okay.
Speaker:That was such a great question.
Speaker:I know it's going to
resonate with so many people.
Speaker:And now I want to move on to a question
that I think is also going to resonate
Speaker:with a lot of us. So this question
is from another one of our listeners,
Speaker:and it's one that I think we're all
carrying at our heart no matter what our
Speaker:upbringing is. So let's
listen to the question now.
Speaker:I connect so strongly with plants and
I connect so strongly, especially,
Speaker:with trees. Now I am almost 74.
I was brought up a certain way.
Speaker:There's always a line I'm afraid to cross.
Speaker:And my family thinks I've lost my
mind, but I don't care anymore.
Speaker:I'm so ready to do this. I'm not
quite sure what steps to take,
Speaker:but I want to go all the way. I mean,
Speaker:I do commune with plants in my own
little way, I guess, especially my trees,
Speaker:but I really want to delve into this.
Speaker:So I was just wondering
if you could help me.
Speaker:So this is sort of like
the task of our lifetime,
Speaker:is to be willing to
Speaker:overcome the parameters
that we were given, the
conditioning that we were given,
Speaker:to embrace our true
selves. And for many of us,
Speaker:that looks like embracing the woo. Now,
Speaker:before we even get started with all this,
Speaker:I need to talk about what this
word "woo" actually means,
Speaker:because I certainly grew
up hearing this word woo,
Speaker:hearing it thrown around as
something that was negative,
Speaker:something you definitely
did not want to be.
Speaker:I grew up in the Northeast
of the United States where
Speaker:intellectualism, rationalism,
was very, very prized.
Speaker:So the last thing I ever wanted to
be perceived as growing up was woo.
Speaker:And then when I got older,
Speaker:I started having these breakthrough
experiences into the spiritual
Speaker:world, into non-ordinary
reality, speaking with plants,
Speaker:connecting with my spirit
guides and my own wideer self.
Speaker:I looked into the etymology of this word
woo because it was something I still
Speaker:struggled with. I don't
want to be seen as woo.
Speaker:And when I looked into it,
Speaker:it totally just melted this part of
me that resisted it because here's the
Speaker:interesting part:
Speaker:This word woo comes from ancient China and
Speaker:this word woo in ancient
China meant female
Speaker:shaman, healer and herbalist. So
Speaker:really this word woo is a name
for a class of women who were
Speaker:incredibly powerful and held power
through their ability to be in connection
Speaker:with the non-physical world,
with the spirit world,
Speaker:to be in connection with the healing
power of the plants and with their own
Speaker:intuition.
Speaker:And so this sacred term for this sacred
Speaker:class of people was taken by the West and
Speaker:twisted into something
that was ungrounded,
Speaker:that was shameful, that was out there.
Speaker:And why I say this is because
embracing our woo is a reclamation.
Speaker:It's a reclamation of
our power as sensitives,
Speaker:as intuitives, as women,
if you identify as a woman.
Speaker:So it's actually quite
radical work to embrace your
Speaker:woo. It's rewriting history,
Speaker:it's healing the human heart
and the human timeline.
Speaker:So I just want to congratulate all
of you out there who is working on
Speaker:embracing your woo because
it's literally like healing
Speaker:this great rend in the fabric
of reality and in culture
Speaker:and healing long-term cultural
trauma that has divorced
Speaker:ourselves, that made it
so that it was unsafe,
Speaker:especially for those socialized as women,
Speaker:made it unsafe for us to trust our
intuition, to trust our higher authority,
Speaker:to trust that we do have that connection.
We can receive that information,
Speaker:and that we can trust ourselves and
our bodies and our inner knowing.
Speaker:And the problem with what came in,
Speaker:especially in the Western
world in the interim,
Speaker:is a lot of these religions that
arose that were based on fear
Speaker:and control. And I just want to name that
Speaker:within all of the religions in the
world are really beautiful seeds of
Speaker:connection and mysticism and spiritual
Speaker:unfoldment. But within that,
Speaker:there have been centuries and
overlays of domination and
Speaker:control and the use of fear as a
way to separate us from our own
Speaker:selves. And so what ends up happening
when we walk towards, again,
Speaker:trusting ourselves and this path of our
own intuition and this path of spirit
Speaker:or woo, is that fear will come up.
Speaker:And so much of this journey
is going to be about
Speaker:companioning yourself
and your body as fear
Speaker:or shame or rage arise.
Speaker:And so if you're having any sense
of fear or shame come up by moving
Speaker:towards this, like, what will people
think? Is this the right thing to do?
Speaker:All those things, know that that's
you purging that from your system.
Speaker:And this is not even something
you're just doing for yourself.
Speaker:You're doing it for your whole ancestry.
You're doing it for your whole line,
Speaker:for your lineages, past,
present, and future.
Speaker:So to companion your body, to when you're
having an intense sensation come up,
Speaker:to stop, breathe into it,
Speaker:give yourself permission to be with it.
Speaker:How many of our ancestors did not have
that permission to stop and be with
Speaker:what they were feeling, to recognize
what they're feeling, to breathe into it,
Speaker:to tell the part of them that
is afraid or does feel shame or
Speaker:is really angry, "I see
you. I'm here with you.
Speaker:I will never leave you." So
to companion your body as
Speaker:these feelings come up to know it's
entirely normal and natural and not only
Speaker:normal and natural,
Speaker:but it's part of the gift you're giving
to this world and to your lineage
Speaker:because you are healing and releasing
this backlog of emotions as you do so.
Speaker:Your body needs to know that it's safe
to do this, to walk towards the woo.
Speaker:And safety for humanity, for humans, often
is belonging. That's how we survived.
Speaker:And so anything in which you feel
like your sense of belonging's in
Speaker:question is going to, of
course, bring up these feelings.
Speaker:And so that's why it's really important
to connect into communities like this
Speaker:where people are on the
same page, you're not alone,
Speaker:you're together with others, you're
orienting in the same direction.
Speaker:And to really ask yourself as you
start moving into more and more of who
Speaker:you are, to ask yourself,
Speaker:"What helps my body soften instead
of brace?" And even if it's a little
Speaker:thing- maybe you're showing up for
the first time at a local class,
Speaker:maybe it's a local intuitive development
class and you're feeling nervous and
Speaker:you're like, "I can feel.
Speaker:I'm really nervous right now." What would
help you in that moment to soften just
Speaker:1% more rather than brace 1% more?
Speaker:Maybe you're going to go
in with sunglasses on at
Speaker:first,
Speaker:or maybe you're going to take some time
to listen to a song before you enter,
Speaker:but to ask your body,
Speaker:to ask yourself that and know that this
is part of your healing and this is part
Speaker:of your unfolding. Shame also
thrives when it lives in the closet.
Speaker:So if shame is coming up for you,
speaking aloud, what it is you're doing,
Speaker:even if it's only to
yourself, sharing in forums,
Speaker:like taking that step out into the world,
Speaker:that can help dissolve some
of that shame, that shame,
Speaker:which often was used as a tool in these
Speaker:dominant religions and paradigms
where control was the key.
Speaker:These systems that had gotten away
from the original heart of what that
Speaker:religion or what that spiritual path
is like and was using shame as a tool
Speaker:to control us. So if you're
having shame come up, good.
Speaker:Because that's also part
of you releasing this.
Speaker:And then there's this other aspect
too. So maybe with the shame,
Speaker:it feels less like, oh my gosh,
Speaker:everyone is going to forsake me forever
and I'm no good. Maybe it's more like,
Speaker:I feel silly. I feel silly.
Speaker:I'm sitting under this tree and closing
my eyes and meditating and I feel so
Speaker:silly. Someone's going to
look at me and be like,
Speaker:"What is she doing?" Anytime this
comes up for my students, I always say,
Speaker:"This is a good thing. Embrace it."
Because silliness is an important energy.
Speaker:Children learn early on that
silliness is when we take
Speaker:something in the way it's supposed to
be in our culture and we turn it on its
Speaker:head, like whatever it is,
Speaker:putting pants on your head
instead of on your bottoms.
Speaker:And so when we feel silly,
Speaker:it's a sign that we are undoing some
of the paradigms we've been handed,
Speaker:that we're questioning them, that
we're turning them on its head,
Speaker:and it's a really powerful thing to do.
Speaker:And then lastly, it really helps me
when moving more towards who I am,
Speaker:embracing my woo and my power within that,
Speaker:to remember that life is a
play, that we are here to play,
Speaker:we are here to experiment, and to ask
myself, how do I want to play in this?
Speaker:What feels playful for me? Like
this arena of exploring my woo,
Speaker:it feels playful for me. I
want to experiment there.
Speaker:I don't even have to stay
with one thing or another.
Speaker:Maybe I won't stay a tarot reader forever,
but I want to learn the tarot now.
Speaker:Get into this mindset of play and
experimentation and expansion,
Speaker:and this will really, really help.
Speaker:And to know that the very
things that feel like
Speaker:they're blocks in your life or
negative or preventing you from
Speaker:stepping into this, that that
also can be a form of play.
Speaker:So I find that in particular, this
framework by Carolyn Elliott in her book,
Speaker:Existential Kink can be really helpful,
Speaker:especially if you're someone who grew
up in paradigms where there was a lot
Speaker:of shaming going on or a
lot of fear-based control.
Speaker:And this framework in Existential Kink
is basically kind of shadow work where we
Speaker:look at the things that feel like
they're blocking us or limiting us in our
Speaker:life, and we ask ourselves,
Speaker:in what way is my spirit actually
actually delighting in this.
Speaker:In what way is this actually
giving me an opportunity to play?
Speaker:It's a way of embracing what's
quote unquote in the shadow,
Speaker:which might be our woo, and these
sort of repressed parts of ourselves,
Speaker:or the parts that we deem negative,
and through embracing them,
Speaker:gaining power again, really recognizing
who we are. And so it's such a
Speaker:tricksterish thing to find pleasure
or power in the very things you
Speaker:dislike or avoid or feel our
taboo or are uncomfortable.
Speaker:So if you're feeling uncomfortable
stepping into your woo,
Speaker:know that there's nothing
wrong there. And actually,
Speaker:can you put that trickster hat on,
Speaker:that sort of existential
kink hat on, and be like,
Speaker:how can I play with this?
Speaker:In what way was this limiting
factor in my life actually
Speaker:something my spirit was playing with,
Speaker:that it was helping me to
explore other aspects of myself?
Speaker:And this will allow you
to just have a little
Speaker:bit of a lighter heart
about the things that feel
Speaker:limiting in your ability to really
step into and relax into your
Speaker:woo. So for example,
Speaker:maybe you feel shame
come up around telling
Speaker:your friends or your family
what you're up to now.
Speaker:And so the prompt would be like,
Speaker:in what way can I actually
delight in this shame or
Speaker:in what way is this shame here to
help me? And maybe the answer is like,
Speaker:wow, that shame is actually really
making me turn my attention inwards.
Speaker:And when I turn my attention inwards,
Speaker:I'm hearing this voice
inside of me that's like,
Speaker:"I want to do this." Or those voices like,
Speaker:tell her about your crystal
collection, whatever it is.
Speaker:And if you're interested in this
practice, I recommend the book,
Speaker:I recommend looking more
into this, but it's again,
Speaker:just this essential quality of play.
Play with it, see what happens,
Speaker:play with it, play with the blocks,
play with the things that limit you,
Speaker:play with the hard stuff that comes up
because that's what we're here to do.
Speaker:We're here to play and we're here to
become more and more of who we innately
Speaker:are. Humans are experimenters.
Speaker:I really think that's part of our
role here on this planet is just to be
Speaker:experimenters.
Speaker:So experiment in this unfolding and know
that you're being called to this for a
Speaker:reason.
Speaker:And every single step you take
towards who you truly are is an
Speaker:unfolding that touches
every corner of the world.
Speaker:It's incredibly important and it is the
service that you were giving to this
Speaker:planet. So thank you, thank you,
Speaker:thank you for being willing
to embrace your woo.
Speaker:This next question came from someone
who works with folks in end of
Speaker:life care, and it's a question that
other people have asked me before.
Speaker:And I'm going to do my best to answer
this question from my humble experience
Speaker:and life perspective and what I've
learned from other folks who are death
Speaker:doulas, who provide end of life
care, who are hospice workers.
Speaker:So the question is this:
Speaker:how do you support people through
an end of life transition?
Speaker:So this is obviously a huge question,
Speaker:but one that all of us will
encounter at some point in our lives,
Speaker:even if it's only
supporting our own selves.
Speaker:So here's my humble
response to this very big,
Speaker:very important question. First of all,
Speaker:life is a mirror, right? Life
is a bookend, life is a mirror.
Speaker:The beginning of life reflects
the end of life as well.
Speaker:And so when we arrive into this world,
Speaker:we are vulnerable. We are
on the edge of the unknown.
Speaker:We just came from one place and
are transitioning to another.
Speaker:And our bodies need tender care.
Speaker:We know this about infants.
Speaker:But the same is true when we
are in our end of life journey.
Speaker:We are also in a place where we need extra
Speaker:TLC, extra care, where our
animal body needs extra soothing.
Speaker:And so one thing that I find really
helpful if you are companioning
Speaker:someone through this kind of transition
is to drop out of your head and
Speaker:into your body.
Speaker:And I think about this from
when my daughter was born,
Speaker:that so much of helping to
Speaker:ease infants into their transition is
actually just keeping your nervous system
Speaker:regulated so that theirs has a safe
place to co-regulate with and land.
Speaker:And while, when we die, we no longer
have the nervous system of an infant,
Speaker:we still are in an incredibly tender,
Speaker:life-changing experience, right? We
are in the ultimate life experience.
Speaker:And so any way in which you as a support
person or someone visiting with someone
Speaker:who you care about who's
in that transition can drop
into your body and your
Speaker:regulation,
Speaker:will naturally help them through this
huge unknown experience that they're
Speaker:moving through.
Speaker:When you hold space for someone
in this kind of huge transition,
Speaker:your presence matters
more than what you say.
Speaker:And I think we often get in
our heads with this of like,
Speaker:"I want to say the right thing.
I want to give the right advice.
Speaker:I want to have the right spiritual
Speaker:perspective." But the thing is,
Speaker:is that they are on a huge journey of
Speaker:discovery.
Speaker:This is one of the biggest experiences
you will have in your life,
Speaker:death and birth.
Speaker:And they're in the midst of one of
the biggest experiences of their soul,
Speaker:and frankly, an experience that
their soul has gone through many,
Speaker:many times before. But that said,
Speaker:there's a huge unknown component. There's
so much they don't know about this.
Speaker:And so
Speaker:your job is not to give them an
entirely new spiritual framework or
Speaker:to say the exact right thing.
Speaker:It is literally just to hold space for
them on this incredible journey that
Speaker:they are undertaking in the way that
their soul needs to undertake it.
Speaker:We have no say or control in what that
journey is going to look like for them
Speaker:and what this last step of life
is going to look like for them.
Speaker:And so any way in which you can just
normalize whatever is happening for them,
Speaker:normalize it. There's a
million different ways to die
Speaker:and to also make peace with
the unknown inside of yourself.
Speaker:I think often when we are trying to
reassure anyone in the midst of a
Speaker:huge life moment,
Speaker:we unconsciously are responding
to our own discomfort around
Speaker:the unknown.
Speaker:And so any way in which you can do this
work of being with yourself and your
Speaker:emotions, especially if
you're close to somebody,
Speaker:so that you can show up and simply be
present for them in their journey is a
Speaker:huge gift that you can give
them. And to ask yourself,
Speaker:in what ways am I scared of
the unknown and to do that
Speaker:work within yourself, in your
own time, in your own space,
Speaker:so that when you are showing up and
you're being in presence with them,
Speaker:you've developed a relationship
where you can trust what's unknown,
Speaker:where you can see that mystery
as the beloved and your own
Speaker:relationship with the unknown will really
help someone who is standing on the
Speaker:edge of the greatest unknown. It's
really common during this time,
Speaker:from what I've heard from
my death doula friends,
Speaker:for a lot of unfinished
business to come up.
Speaker:And this is important. It's not
something to be rushed through.
Speaker:It's not something to be fixed.
It's not something to be solved.
Speaker:This is an essential part of
their transition process. And so
Speaker:rather than try to reframe
their experiences for them,
Speaker:just reflect back to them what it
is that they are experiencing or
Speaker:saying... You can always
ask, "Tell me more," or,
Speaker:"What I'm hearing is this.
" That reflection is what
they need because again,
Speaker:their soul and their body
knows how to do this.
Speaker:They know how to do this process.
Speaker:And so your job is just
to support them in that.
Speaker:They are their own spirit guide in this
moment and your job is just to support
Speaker:them, to reflect back to
them where they're at,
Speaker:to be a regulated place to land and
Speaker:to hold space for them.
Speaker:I have found in the few times
that I have had the privilege of
Speaker:being with someone who was close to dying,
Speaker:that it makes a really
big difference when I
Speaker:am willing to be in the room and in
connection with my own higher self.
Speaker:So sometimes it's hard to
not be in the emotional body
Speaker:or a sense of panic or
holding on or grasping,
Speaker:but when you can make contact
with your own wider or higher self
Speaker:while you're in the room with them,
while you're in presence with them,
Speaker:it naturally relaxes the environment.
Speaker:It naturally helps them make a more
easeful connection with their own soul and
Speaker:their own wider self.
Speaker:And one thing I found is that when I can
be in connection with my higher self,
Speaker:ask for their presence to be with me,
ask to be held within their presence,
Speaker:ask for that unconditional love to
shine through my eyes or to come as
Speaker:warmth through my hands,
Speaker:that innately opens up this
passageway into the other world.
Speaker:And I often find that when
I can connect in that way,
Speaker:it's much easier for me to sense the
presence of their wider or higher self and
Speaker:sense the presence of
their guides as well.
Speaker:And so I encourage you
within your own inner self to
Speaker:communicate with their higher selves,
to communicate with their guides,
Speaker:even if that's not something in
which they're in connection with,
Speaker:it can really help the transition if
you're just acknowledging of these other
Speaker:presences in the room, because they
are there. They're there to help.
Speaker:And when you are in
communication with them,
Speaker:it continues to open those portals
of connection and awareness.
Speaker:And then of course, finally, just to say,
Speaker:the thing that I hear so many
hospice workers repeat and
Speaker:often tell family members in particular
is being willing to give them
Speaker:permission to let go.
Speaker:So it's a process of getting to the
point where you are ready to let go if
Speaker:you have the experience of a death
that gives you that kind of time or
Speaker:space.
Speaker:And then once you within
yourself are ready to let go,
Speaker:then you often have to approach the
sensation of others not wanting to
Speaker:let you go or others not
wanting you to transition.
Speaker:And so giving someone
permission to let go can
Speaker:really go a long way.
Speaker:And the more that you trust the unknown,
Speaker:the more that you trust
your own wider self,
Speaker:the more that you trust that there is
a much bigger journey that we're on as
Speaker:souls, the easier it will be for
you to give that implicit permission
Speaker:to just let go and to know that
you are also being given a gift
Speaker:in the presence of someone who is passing.
Speaker:What I find normally is that when
there is a passage like this,
Speaker:it creates huge ripples of change in
everybody's life who touches them.
Speaker:And so to be at someone's side
for this transition is one of the
Speaker:ultimate honors you could
ever have in this lifetime,
Speaker:even as there's going to be
things that come up that are
Speaker:really hard, scary, sometimes gruesome.
Speaker:And this is bringing you
deeper into the human journey.
Speaker:This is bringing you deeper
into the journey of spirit and
Speaker:just you being willing to
Speaker:soften into your own wider connection and
what you know is true and show up with
Speaker:loving,
Speaker:unconditional presence is one of the
greatest gifts you could ever give.
Speaker:So that's my answer to
this question for now.
Speaker:I will probably have more to say on
that as I continue to live my life
Speaker:and have more direct experiences
with this. But I feel honored that
Speaker:I was asked this question and I just
want to give a big shout out to all
Speaker:those who are doing this work day in,
day out, in hospitals and hospice,
Speaker:in death doulaship, because the work
that you do is just truly incredible.
Speaker:So thank you. Okay. For
this next question, we're
shifting gears a little bit.
Speaker:So this was a question that
a listener sent in and it
Speaker:was specifically asking about me
and my experience in my sabbatical.
Speaker:So let's play that question now.
Speaker:I've had a lot of curiosity surrounding
when you set out on a sabbatical and a
Speaker:healing time and you have these hopes
or goals or visions that you presume you
Speaker:will reach or accomplish.
Speaker:But I would just love if you have
time to share a bit more about how the
Speaker:sabbatical ended up shaking out for you,
Speaker:given that you probably had goals and
visions in the front end of what your
Speaker:plans were.
Speaker:So if you haven't been
following along on the journey,
Speaker:I took a sabbatical last
year to work on my next book,
Speaker:and this book is about the deep ancestors.
Speaker:It's about our Paleolithic
ancestors, how they thought,
Speaker:how they experienced the world,
Speaker:and how the consciousness that they
inhabited still lives inside of us
Speaker:today and is actually here to
guide us into our next phase,
Speaker:our next evolution as human beings.
Speaker:So it's something I'm so
dorkily excited about.
Speaker:I love researching this
time period, this history,
Speaker:and loved taking the sabbatical.
Speaker:And I think I actually had a pretty
good head on my shoulders for the
Speaker:sabbatical.
Speaker:I set the bar really low
in my expectations of what
I was going to get done.
Speaker:My goals during the sabbatical was to
collate the last five years of research
Speaker:that I had done, all the notes I
had taken, all the books I had read,
Speaker:to organize it, collate it
into a cohesive outline,
Speaker:and to get the introductory chapter
written. Those are my goals.
Speaker:And I hit those goals, so I
felt pretty good about that.
Speaker:I did learn some things about
myself on the sabbatical.
Speaker:I learned that I need a lot more space
and time and slowness than I realized,
Speaker:a lot more. It's amazing how even
taking those months off from working,
Speaker:the days did seem to fill up with a lot.
Speaker:And that I...
Speaker:often am very good at getting a
lot done in short periods of time,
Speaker:but that when it comes to this big
creative work and this big synthesis and
Speaker:channeling work, that I do
need more space and time.
Speaker:So I feel like the sabbatical, it
really showed me what I actually need,
Speaker:the ingredients that
I need to create these
Speaker:bigger works that I dream of in my life.
Speaker:And it helped me recognize the places
in which I was overriding my capacity,
Speaker:in which I was taking on too much.
Speaker:And it really has helped me
reorganize my general expectations of
Speaker:myself in my life, to create more
space to do what I need to do,
Speaker:to let go of what I need to let go of,
Speaker:in order to have more space to drop
in in the way that I was able to
Speaker:on the sabbatical.
Speaker:It gave me more of a taste of what life
looks like when you're living at the
Speaker:pace that your nervous
system really needs.
Speaker:And I came back with this
sort of renewed enthusiasm for
Speaker:creating that kind of life for myself,
Speaker:for taking the lessons that I learned
in my sabbatical and bringing it into my
Speaker:day-to-day life, which I think
is the purpose of sabbatical.
Speaker:I took five months off last year,
Speaker:and those five months,
Speaker:they did radically transform how I want
to live all the coming months in my
Speaker:life. I realized that I want to
take more time off in general.
Speaker:That's something that,
if I prioritize that,
Speaker:I will likely make huge leaps in the
projects and the things I want to see
Speaker:unfold.
Speaker:And it will support me in
taking that time off because it
Speaker:moves the dial ahead
so much so in my life.
Speaker:So I'm still learning from
the sabbatical as I am
Speaker:just softening back into work now,
Speaker:but it definitely
reorganized the way I work.
Speaker:It reorganized what my nervous system
really is willing to put up with
Speaker:at this point too. Now that I've seen
what it's like to have that kind of space,
Speaker:I'm like, yeah, I need to
build this into my life more.
Speaker:And so I'm so grateful
for that experience.
Speaker:I will continue to use it as a touchstone
and I'm excited for the next one
Speaker:because you bet your buttons,
Speaker:I'm going to take another sabbatical
because now I know that I can and I know
Speaker:that it actually ends up giving so
much to my life to take that time.
Speaker:So with that, I thought it would be
great to drop into our next question,
Speaker:which was sent in by another
listener named Elisabeth.
Speaker:And this question is about some of the
research that I was doing into the deep
Speaker:ancestors. So the question is,
Speaker:do we know anything about how our deep
ancestors approached love, partnership,
Speaker:parenting, and family structure?
Speaker:And if emerging research offers
insight we could learn from today. So
Speaker:yes, there is research on this.
Speaker:The archeological record can
only show us so much, right?
Speaker:So a lot of what people are talking
about now within these topics is a
Speaker:combination of archeological
research, advances in DNA testing,
Speaker:but also what we know about our own
Speaker:neurobiology. If we just
study our own neurobiology,
Speaker:we can understand how we were
built and what we were built for.
Speaker:We are no different
than our deep ancestors.
Speaker:And it's part of why we struggle
and have issues in the modern
Speaker:world right now,
Speaker:because we weren't built for the
kind of lives that we lead now.
Speaker:We were built for slower
lives, more expansive lives.
Speaker:We were built to have more
downtime, more leisure.
Speaker:We were built for close community bonds,
Speaker:for deep support and relational trust.
Speaker:We were built to be walking through the
world to have deep relationships with
Speaker:landscapes.
Speaker:So we can actually know
more about our ancestors
Speaker:through looking at our
own current neurobiology.
Speaker:So before I dive into what some of
the more current research is saying,
Speaker:I just want to say that human beings are
diverse and we've been diverse from the
Speaker:start. There is no one
way to live as a human.
Speaker:I'm going to venture a guess that
there have been many different kinds of
Speaker:cultural systems, family systems,
parenting systems in the past,
Speaker:and that there's no one right way and
that this diversity is part of what marks
Speaker:humans as a species, that
we are a diverse species,
Speaker:that we tend to try out and experiment
with different ways of living.
Speaker:So that all said,
Speaker:place what everything I want to say now
into that context of understanding that
Speaker:there are many diverse ways to
live like a whole human life.
Speaker:So we know, ground basis,
Speaker:we know that we were evolved
to have pair bonds. Now,
Speaker:pair bonds is not the same thing as
Speaker:monogamy. Pair bonds,
Speaker:it can look like a lot
of different things,
Speaker:but what pair bonds basically are are
where we're bonding with someone else in a
Speaker:way that we are sharing territory,
Speaker:sharing responsibilities.
And these pair bonds,
Speaker:they exist between animals outside of
humans. This is not just a human thing,
Speaker:this is a mammalian thing, and
beyond even mammalian thing,
Speaker:but that these pair bounds are
beyond sexual connection and they
Speaker:outlast a single mating
season, for example.
Speaker:So our ability to fall in love is a
Speaker:marker of this propensity for pair bonds,
Speaker:that we are meant to have
close connections with other
Speaker:humans in which we share
responsibilities. Now,
Speaker:a lot of what is said in the
research is that the reason why
Speaker:we have these pair bonds,
these important pair bonds,
Speaker:is that our infants are
incredibly labor intensive.
Speaker:Human infants are just unbelievably
energetically expensive
Speaker:when you look at the wide world
of all the creatures on this
Speaker:planet.
Speaker:And so this added pressure
of caring for infants that
Speaker:need, children that need,
a lot of care, long-term,
Speaker:multi-year care,
Speaker:is that this original bond
basically between a mother and an
Speaker:infant was kind of
co-opted and turned into
Speaker:using the same hormone
and chemical structures,
Speaker:turned into bonds that then
we form with other adults,
Speaker:and that these bonds were important to
help mothers care for their children.
Speaker:Now,
Speaker:there's not conclusive evidence
that these pair bonds was meant
Speaker:to be a mother and a biological father.
Speaker:There is evidence that there're biological
fathers caring for their biological
Speaker:children in the archeological record,
Speaker:but I'm going to venture a guess that
these pair bonds looked like a lot of
Speaker:different things.
Speaker:And even though we do have this
propensity towards pair bonds,
Speaker:pair bonds are important to
us in this wider context,
Speaker:we evolved to rely on our communities.
Speaker:Even just a pair bond is not going to
cut it in terms of raising a child.
Speaker:Anyone who is in a relationship
and has a child knows this:
Speaker:the two of you can't do
it all. It's impossible.
Speaker:So we evolved as humans to
rely on our whole community,
Speaker:that we have our pair bond within the
community that is ideally helping us
Speaker:in a deep way with our
parental responsibilities,
Speaker:but then we also have the community.
Speaker:And we rely heavily on
alloparents in the community.
Speaker:Alloparents is this term for other people,
Speaker:aunties, uncles, cousins, older kids,
Speaker:other people within our bonds,
Speaker:within our social structures who are
helping us to raise our children.
Speaker:And so these Alloparents
are absolutely essential for
Speaker:raising of children.
Speaker:And I imagine that in the past,
Speaker:family structures the
way we think of them now,
Speaker:they certainly weren't nuclear
and they weren't just related to
Speaker:relational bonds as well, because
the bands that we lived in, we know,
Speaker:that yes, there were ties of
genetic similarity or familiarity,
Speaker:but there was also people who weren't
part of that genetic pool who were also
Speaker:part of that band, otherwise
the band wouldn't have survived.
Speaker:We need a diversity of genetic
information and material.
Speaker:So people were choosing families,
people were joining bands,
Speaker:choosing that family, becoming a part
of them. And so your larger unit,
Speaker:the family that was helping
to take care of your children,
Speaker:was not necessarily all
your immediate family.
Speaker:And so what we're seeing here
is family structures that
Speaker:rely on people not necessarily
even related to you.
Speaker:We know that grandmothers were incredibly
important in the raising of children.
Speaker:That's a whole thing called the
grandmother hypothesis that we can go into
Speaker:another time. And we see that,
though pair bonds are important,
Speaker:we also know through other research
and looking at our closest primate
Speaker:relatives,
Speaker:that there's evidence
that some of our sexual
Speaker:characteristics that we carry
point to us being more similar
Speaker:to bonobos than some of
our other primate cousins,
Speaker:in that we use sex as
a tool for bonding and
Speaker:affiliation and creating intimacy.
Speaker:And so with that, if we look up bonobos,
Speaker:that sex is not necessarily
relegated to one person,
Speaker:that it's a way in which you create social
bonds, you create social structures.
Speaker:And so I imagine, given
all this information,
Speaker:that we had units of people taking
Speaker:care of our children in a
way where we likely were not
Speaker:hyper-focused on possibly
only one sexual partner,
Speaker:where we also were likely,
I can say, guaranteed,
Speaker:not hyper-focused on just the
parents raising one child.
Speaker:And so we're returning here to this idea
that chosen family is an important part
Speaker:of the human experience, that having
shared parental responsibilities,
Speaker:an essential part of the human experience,
we were not meant to do it alone.
Speaker:We were meant to do it in
these wider structures.
Speaker:And there's even one
hypothesis that our, at times,
Speaker:propensity towards socially
monogamous pair-bonding actually
Speaker:evolved from same sex friendships.
Speaker:So this is really
interesting in chimpanzees,
Speaker:chimpanzees do not mate for life with
Speaker:whoever it is that they're having
children with, their sexual mates,
Speaker:but they do pair bond
with same sex chimps.
Speaker:They do have same sex pair
bonds that can last a lifetime.
Speaker:And so this is just one hypothesis,
but I love that concept,
Speaker:that same sex relationships
and pair bonds,
Speaker:lifelong pair bonds are what
gave rise to what we see as
Speaker:sort of the standard of the
heterosexual pair bond relationship.
Speaker:But I think there's so much
information there about this.
Speaker:I think what I would say at the end
of the day is that the way that we're
Speaker:parenting and the way that we're doing
relationships right now just doesn't
Speaker:really work. And we know
this. We see this, right?
Speaker:We see that just the two people taking
care of the one child doesn't work.
Speaker:If we were meant to be solely
Speaker:across the board, all of us, monogamous,
Speaker:just with one person for
the rest of our life,
Speaker:then it wouldn't be so hard to
do that. And it is really hard.
Speaker:Most people don't do that or have that.
Speaker:And so this is my hot take
based on the research,
Speaker:but really I think humans
are just, we're creative.
Speaker:There's a lot of different ways in
which we've learned how to make diverse
Speaker:family units and structures
in which it's ...
Speaker:I think there's been times where we've
been much freer with the way in which we
Speaker:relate to one another and the way in
which we explore and sanctify our own
Speaker:sexuality. And so this
is just a little taste,
Speaker:but I wanted to say that if
you are interested in this,
Speaker:if this is like piquing your interest,
Speaker:there's a couple places
I want to point you to.
Speaker:So the first place I want to mention
is the Instagram account and Substack
Speaker:account called Ancestral
Habits. I love this account.
Speaker:I love everything that the
woman behind this is doing.
Speaker:She's collating so much
of the research from
Speaker:the last 20 years, but also new
stuff that's coming out now.
Speaker:And she has a searchable database on
her website for all her Instagram posts.
Speaker:So definitely check out Ancestral
Habits if you're interested in this.
Speaker:You can even check out the section that
she has on parenting relationships.
Speaker:I also recommend the books, Sex at Dawn,
Speaker:if you're interested in more
of the sexuality and like
pair bond aspects of this
Speaker:and also Hunt, Gather, and Parent,
another book, as well as the book,
Speaker:Mothers and Others.
Speaker:So those are two books that are looking
more specifically about parenting and
Speaker:parenting structures and asking this
question of how are we supposed to be
Speaker:parenting as human beings. Okay.
Speaker:So this brings me to the final question
that I'm going to cover today in this
Speaker:Q&A podcast.
Speaker:And this is one that a lot of you have
sent into me and I'm going to answer it
Speaker:to the best of my ability. I wish I had
like 10 hours or 10 days to answer this,
Speaker:but many of you have been noticing
that I've been recording in front of my
Speaker:bookshelves and everyone
is asking me, like,
Speaker:tell us about your books.
What's on your bookshelf?
Speaker:What have been the most
influential books on your path?
Speaker:So I'm here to answer some
of your bookshelf curiosity.
Speaker:And I decided to frame it as,
Speaker:what were the turning point books in my
life? I chose six turning point books.
Speaker:I'm going to talk about each one briefly,
Speaker:but I want to mention that if
you want a more comprehensive
Speaker:book list, if you're interested
in what is on my shelves,
Speaker:I actually created a webpage
where I list each category that I
Speaker:have in my library and my favorite
books within that category.
Speaker:So if you're interested in checking
that out, you can head on over to
Speaker:asiasular.com/librarybooks and
that will give you, yeah, just...
Speaker:I guess it's a reading list.
Speaker:And I made it a website so that I could
update it because I'm always reading new
Speaker:things and always wanting to add
them. So okay, let's drop in.
Speaker:And so the first book I want
to talk about is this book,
Speaker:The Encyclopedia of Bach Flower Therapy,
and that's by Mechthild Scheffer.
Speaker:And so this book was the first book I ever
Speaker:read about flower essences, about
energetic or vibrational medicine.
Speaker:At the time, I was
living in New York City.
Speaker:I had a job taking care of office plants.
Speaker:And my mom actually gave me
this book. One of her clients,
Speaker:she has had a psychotherapy practice.
Speaker:One of her clients gave her
the book and she was like,
Speaker:"I think Asia would be into this.
Speaker:" And I started reading it
and just started crying,
Speaker:just cried the whole
first several chapters.
Speaker:And I call those kind
of tears truth cries.
Speaker:And it was the first time I had ever
heard about just someone talking
Speaker:about
Speaker:plants as beings that help us
on the psychoemotional level.
Speaker:It was the first time that I heard someone
referring to medicine as that which
Speaker:helps unblock us so that we can
inhabit the wider blueprint or
Speaker:destiny of our life, our wider selves.
Speaker:And so I'm choosing this
book because it opened up
Speaker:my awareness.
Speaker:And there's a lot of books out there
now about connecting with plants on a
Speaker:spiritual level, but I
still love this book.
Speaker:I love the way the introduction
to flower essences is written.
Speaker:I love the way it's described.
Speaker:And it's a really easy entry point
because bach flower remedies are available
Speaker:everywhere.
Speaker:And I started using the book
as a little bit of an oracle.
Speaker:I would just open to a page and whatever
page I opened to, I'd be like, "Okay,
Speaker:that's the essence that
I need." And of course,
Speaker:I went on to found One Willow Apothecaries
where I sold flower essences and I
Speaker:shared them with people around the world.
Speaker:So this was just the beginning of so much.
Speaker:So I have to mention this book
because it was so important to me.
Speaker:And the next book I have is
Awakening to the Spirit World.
Speaker:And this book is by Hank
Wesselman and Sandra Ingerman.
Speaker:This book came in for me, it was
probably maybe, I don't know,
Speaker:three or four years after I
read the flower essence book.
Speaker:And I had been having a series
of dreams where I was having
Speaker:experiences in non-ordinary
reality and was being shown how to
Speaker:do different things,
Speaker:like how to travel through time and space
and transform into an animal and these
Speaker:wild series of dreams.
And at the end of it,
Speaker:the person who had been teaching
me in these dreams said,
Speaker:"This is shamanism and we want you to
learn it. " And I had been in college,
Speaker:I had been an anthropology major for
a while. And then at the last minute,
Speaker:I ended up switching to being an
English major and an anthropology minor.
Speaker:But so from my perspective,
Speaker:shamanism was anthropologically
situated in my brain.
Speaker:And it was something that was sort of
like a catchall term for very specific
Speaker:cultural practices held
by indigenous people.
Speaker:And so when I had these series of
dreams, I was like, "What does this mean?
Speaker:What are you asking of
me?" And I remember,
Speaker:I don't even know if Google was around
then, maybe it was. It was just very new.
Speaker:I don't think I "ask Jeeves'ed" it,
but I asked someone it. And anyways,
Speaker:this was the book that came up,
Awakening to the Spirit World.
Speaker:And I love the subtitle, The
Shamanic Path of Direct Revelation,
Speaker:because really what this book talks
about is this word shamanic, which is,
Speaker:I consider it kind of like a seed word
that's helping all of us to remember
Speaker:something that is cross-cultural and
it is innate part of the human psyche.
Speaker:And it is really opening this pathway
to remember that you have the ability
Speaker:to communicate with the unseen
world, with the spirit world,
Speaker:and bring back direct revelation for
yourself as well as for your community.
Speaker:So this is where I first learned
how to undertake a shamanic journey.
Speaker:And this book really opened
me up to this next phase
Speaker:of my unfolding and my connection
to what I call the spirit
Speaker:world. It really informed my
work from here on out. It was...
Speaker:shamanic journeying was a huge part of
my journey of healing from Lyme disease.
Speaker:And so this book was kind of
the thing that started at all.
Speaker:At some point I went and studied with
Sandra Ingraman as well. And yeah,
Speaker:I still absolutely adore
her work in particular.
Speaker:And I just still have such cozy
feelings when I think about this book.
Speaker:And then a few years later, I
stumbled across the book Many Lives,
Speaker:Many Masters by Brian Weiss.
Speaker:And so this book is a recounting
Speaker:of Brian Weiss who was a psychotherapist
Speaker:who was working with hypnosis and
his clients and had this breakthrough
Speaker:experience where this one client
started recounting other lifetimes.
Speaker:And I had always believed
in other lives in
Speaker:reincarnation,
Speaker:but there was something about reading
this book where it just opened up my
Speaker:portal of awareness into
my own past lifetimes,
Speaker:into the space between lifetimes.
Speaker:It started a whole new chapter in my life.
Speaker:I ended up going to study with Brian
Weiss to learn past life regression
Speaker:therapy, which I used mostly in
my own life. And with my friends,
Speaker:it never became like a hugely
incorporated part of my own practice or
Speaker:offerings in the world, but
I loved that experience.
Speaker:And it's just one of those
books where... here's the thing,
Speaker:my favorite books are books
that help me remember.
Speaker:They're not books that are necessarily
even telling me something new.
Speaker:It's just helping me
remember what I already knew.
Speaker:And so it felt like this
huge soul remembering for
me when I read his book and
Speaker:then I went on to read
all his other books.
Speaker:And then I got into Michael Newton who
wrote Journey of Souls and Destiny of
Speaker:Souls, someone else who's doing hypnosis,
Speaker:but instead is focusing
on life between life.
Speaker:Very cool if you're interested in that.
Speaker:So I just feel like these books always
made me really feel connected to my
Speaker:eternal soul. And that's kind of an
important way to feel in this life.
Speaker:So I'm really grateful to this book
for opening that door in that way.
Speaker:And I went on to teach other people
how to access their past lives.
Speaker:In my long-term program,
Winter Intuition School,
Speaker:I teach about past lives and
past life connection. And we did,
Speaker:when we had retreats in person,
Speaker:I would bring everyone
through a regression,
Speaker:which was always really interesting.
Speaker:And then I gave folks scripts
to go work with one another.
Speaker:And I was just always
amazed what happened,
Speaker:especially with folks who've maybe never
even done this before or guided someone
Speaker:before, what would come up
and what they could access.
Speaker:So knowing that this is accessible to
all of us and that your journey as a soul
Speaker:throughout all your lifetimes just
has so much wisdom to impart and
Speaker:there's so many ways in which you can
be supported by that. So now, yeah,
Speaker:this is making me want to reread it again.
Speaker:The next book I chose to
talk about was this book,
Speaker:Witches and Pagans by Max Dashu.
Speaker:So this book is a
researched reclamation of
Speaker:pre-Christian spiritual practices.
Speaker:It is rewriting women's history,
Speaker:indigenous European history.
Speaker:There was so much in here
that as someone who is
Speaker:an earth-based practitioner,
Speaker:who is really working on reclaiming
my ancestral traditions and
Speaker:the sort of suppressed
lineages of wisdom that exist,
Speaker:there were so much in here that just
gave me just so much perspective,
Speaker:so much power and so many aha moments.
Speaker:There's moments in here that are also
hard to read because you are reading about
Speaker:just the reality of how much of the
Speaker:ancestral wisdom,
Speaker:especially ancestral wisdom held
by women in Europe was dominated,
Speaker:punished, controlled,
suppressed. And at the same time,
Speaker:in an overarching way,
Speaker:I felt really empowered reading this
because it made me realize that what I
Speaker:had been innately
connecting to and realizing,
Speaker:the intuitive guidance I was receiving,
that it wasn't just coming from nowhere,
Speaker:that actually this is
how my ancestors lived,
Speaker:this is how my ancestors practiced. And
that as someone of European descent,
Speaker:I do have connection to a long line of
Speaker:healers and wisdom keepers,
that there is wisdom,
Speaker:indigenous wisdom,
Speaker:inherent in the deep roots of Europe that
is here to hold you if you are someone
Speaker:who is of European descent.
Speaker:So highly encourage this book if
any of that is interesting to you.
Speaker:And I certainly know that a lot of
this information in this book ended up
Speaker:getting incorporated into my teachings,
Speaker:especially in the
overarching class that I have
Speaker:called The Pussy Portal,
Speaker:where I talk about vaginal
healing and reclamation and
Speaker:basically how this whole root of our
body is a incredibly profound pathway
Speaker:into spiritual reclamation and
connection with our own wider selves.
Speaker:So definitely recommend this
book if you're interested.
Speaker:The next book I want to talk about
is Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine.
Speaker:I actually don't have a copy of the book
with me right now because I lent it out
Speaker:because I love this book so much.
And what I love about this book...
Speaker:so this was a foundational
text in somatic therapy.
Speaker:We had a copy of this book on our
shelf growing up, growing up with...
Speaker:my mother is an EMDR therapist.
Speaker:But what I love about this book in
comparison to other books that talk about
Speaker:somatic healing and trauma
resolution is that this book feels
Speaker:healing unto itself to read.
I'm not going to name names,
Speaker:but other books I've read about trauma
healing feel re-traumatizing to me.
Speaker:I have not been able to get
through them. But Waking the Tiger,
Speaker:it felt like it was actually
healing for me to read.
Speaker:It helped me understand
healing on a somatic level.
Speaker:It gave me a framework to work
through hard things in my life.
Speaker:And as a sensitive person,
Speaker:it gave me a conduit to get back
into my body in this lifetime.
Speaker:And I think that's a huge task,
Speaker:a huge goal for other sensitive people
is just to get back into our bodies,
Speaker:to feel like our bodies
are safe spaces again.
Speaker:And so much of Peter Levine's work and
the somatic work that I've done in the
Speaker:interim years has been folded
into so much of what I do,
Speaker:including The Sensitive Series,
Speaker:a one-off series that I taught and that
is still available on my website now,
Speaker:a series specifically to help sensitive
people understand their gifts,
Speaker:as well as my longer live
program, Earth Angel School.
Speaker:So it feels like reading that book
was the beginning of a new chapter,
Speaker:a new phase of integrating
a lot of the spiritual
Speaker:connections and knowledge that
had opened up for me into my body,
Speaker:into my lived experience
and into my teachings.
Speaker:The last book I want to mention is
The Seven Daughters of Eve by Bryan
Speaker:Sykes. And this was one of the
first books I read that got me
Speaker:interested in my deep
ancestry and the deep past.
Speaker:This book is an exploration
of mitochondrial DNA or
Speaker:mtDNA.
Speaker:And basically we have this DNA that we
carry within us that is carried by our
Speaker:mother's line that once we were
able to isolate and find it,
Speaker:it can help us trace our
ancestral lineage back in time.
Speaker:,So he talks about the seven different
lineages that we know and are aware of
Speaker:and can trace, and he really
brings those lineages alive.
Speaker:So if you've ever done a DNA test,
you can find out what your group is,
Speaker:which daughter you are
descended from or which
Speaker:mother you are descended from. And then
you can read about where they lived,
Speaker:what time period they lived in.
Speaker:It also talks a little bit about
the adventure of figuring out this
Speaker:science. And I just loved it. The book
came alive for me. And I read this,
Speaker:I think it was before I did
my pilgrimage trip to England
Speaker:where my mother's
mother's, people are from,
Speaker:and ended up having a really
big experience that was this
Speaker:seed for this book I'm writing now,
this book about the deep ancestors.
Speaker:So really this book began
that journey in some ways.
Speaker:And so if you're interested
in deep time ancestry,
Speaker:then I highly recommend this
read. And there are so many more.
Speaker:There are so many more books.
Speaker:I could have just talked about books
for the next however many hours.
Speaker:So I decided to put them
all up on my website,
Speaker:or at least all my favorites in
each category up on the website.
Speaker:So if you are interested in
books about soul studies,
Speaker:plant medicine, sexuality, energy
healing, indigenous philosophy, poetry,
Speaker:depth psychology,
Speaker:I have all those categories and all my
favorite books organized underneath them
Speaker:on the website.
Speaker:Just go to asiasuler.com/librarybooks
and you can peruse the shelves.
Speaker:So now I'd love to hear from you.
What were your turning point books?
Speaker:What were the books that just came in
and resonated with you on this level that
Speaker:it opened up this whole
new part of your pathway?
Speaker:I'd be so curious to hear if you want to
share in the comments or if you want to
Speaker:head over to my website,
Speaker:asiasuler.com/remember you can leave
me a voice message. So as you've heard,
Speaker:a lot of these questions today came from
listeners leaving me voice messages.
Speaker:So if you have a question
for a podcast in the future,
Speaker:go ahead and leave me that question
there and I would love to hear it.
Speaker:So I hope that in the things that I
said today, you found your own answers,
Speaker:that it sparked within you
this own inner knowing,
Speaker:this connection to your own inner self
and to the stream of guidance that is
Speaker:always here for you.
Speaker:And I hope that in whatever guidance
you received within yourself and
Speaker:whatever connections you have
made within yourself today,
Speaker:that it helps you remember that most
important thing of all, why you're here.
