Do you want to learn the magic of life coaching and better understand how it can help you reach any goal you have for your life? Welcome to the head, heart and hands model.

This tool is at the core of everything I teach and how I help clients better understand why their lives look the way they do, including the good, the bad and the ugly. Understanding how (and why) our minds make sense of the world the way they do is crucial to creating the results we're trying to achieve in our relationships, our personal goals and our businesses.

Prepare to have your mind blown!

Hello, my friends.

Welcome back to episode 20.

You guys were 20 episodes into burning brightly.

And I am loving recording these for you guys every week.

And I hope you're enjoying them.

Please feel free to leave me a review if you've enjoyed an episode and to share

it with a friend who might be interested, not just in building a business, but in

learning to manage their own mind, because that is what life coaching is all about.

It sounds a little strange when we first talk about it.

Once you see the magic of managing your mind, you will never go back.

It will change your life forever.

I promise that is why I became a certified coach because I wanted to help people.

The way I had been helped.

In.

Learning to change the way my brain functions.

Okay.

Just like we would never try to drive a car that didn't function properly.

Have you ever driven a car that you think might break down?

It's so stressful.

It's also very dangerous.

Driving a car you think might break down.

Or like I mentioned in a previous episode, working on a computer that's

full of viruses, or it doesn't have an operating system that works properly.

That's just annoying.

We also cannot reach our own personal life goals.

Or create an intentional life at all without managing.

The central processing unit of our life, which is our brain.

As we learn to manage this massive, amazing, incredible computer.

Then we see results improve in every aspect of life.

It can't help, but touch every aspect of your life.

So the life coach school, where I was trained, teaches a very simple

tool that helps us to create.

Any result we want in our life, whether it's meeting a goal or

improving your relationship, or just being generally happier.

This tool is called the model.

And you may or may not have heard of it before, but today, even if you have

heard of it, I'm going to approach it in a slightly new way that I think

is a really easy way to remember.

And it also makes a lot more sense sometimes and thinking about it this way.

So I'm going to teach you a new way of looking at it.

call it the head heart and hands model.

So when we go about our lives every day, we are constantly

confronted with stimulus.

So these are the cold, hard facts of life.

Whether it is a car getting a flat tire or a child getting sick.

Or getting a raise at work.

So you can think that they are good or bad, but the.

But in truth, this stimulus or this, uh, circumstances, another word we

use for it is just a cold, hard fact.

It's not good or bad until we think something about it.

Okay.

It could be your sister getting married or you getting married or getting a divorce

or any number of things, small, large, whether you think they're good or bad, the

cold, hard facts of life are the stimulus.

Now these stimulate enter our head first.

Okay, this is where we start to make sense of the stimulus.

We think thoughts about these facts, depending on a number of things,

depending on our past experiences on how we were raised, depending on our

personality or things we were taught.

Or depending on.

we've seen other people react to this stimulus, right?

these thoughts come from our heads.

So that's why it's called the head heart hands model.

The first thing is the head.

These thoughts come to us very quickly and very often our subconscious

or just kind of semi-conscious.

If we probe a little bit, we can discover them.

But very often they're not right at the top of our consciousness.

They just come automatically.

So let's take the example of your car getting a flat tire.

This is a good one.

We're going to run with this episode.

Okay.

So the stimulus of your car getting a flat tire is a very neutral fact.

The top tire was full of air.

Now it's not.

Now most of us, when I say get a flat tire, immediately have a thought about it.

And it might be something like, oh, this is so annoying or, oh,

I'm going to be late or darn it.

I can't afford this.

Right.

of ways that we're making sense of this fact that we have a flat tire for this

example, we're going to use the thought of course, bad things always happen to me.

Have you guys ever had that thought.

We are feeling a little grumpy or a little bit depressed.

So we have the cold, hard fact of the.

Targeting flat.

Our thought is of course bad things always happen to be.

So once the head spits out its opinion of the stimulus, then the heart

takes over and what the heart does.

Not literally the heart actually pumps blood, but we're going to use

the heart to mean your emotions.

Right?

As we usually do, the heart creates an emotion from the thought.

So it doesn't create an emotion from the stimulus, which is a cold, hard fact.

It creates an emotion from the thought.

Our feelings are always created from our thoughts.

So, let me repeat that.

Even if you have been doing life coaching for a while, it's important

to remember our emotions are always created by our thoughts.

So back to the flat tire example.

The thought.

Bad things always happen to me.

We'll create an emotion.

It might be different from you than it would be for me.

But when I think the thought bad things always happen to me, I

feel the emotion of self-pity.

That's pretty common.

That will come up for me, especially if I think that bad things are happening to me.

So we've got the head saying bad things always happen.

The heart feeling self pity.

And after that, our hands move in to take some action.

This action can be positive.

It can be negative.

It can even result in inaction or a lack of action.

So, whatever the hands are going to do or not going to do

comes directly from the emotion.

So the emotion of self pity.

Mike create actions like ruminating on all the bad things that have happened to us.

Gosh, bad things always happen to me.

I feel self-pity.

I think about this time that something bad happened in that time

and last week and two months ago.

I'm creating all this evidence that that thought is true.

because of that.

Likely I'm not taking any action to actually get the tire fixed.

and, and any number of things could come up for me, but that emotion of

self-pity is going to create some action.

Finally after the head pitches in and then the heart, and then the

hands we end up with a result.

And the result is the consequence of the actions that we took, or we didn't take.

And here's the magic of the model.

The result always reflects the thought or proves that it's true.

So it will reflect it in some way.

And you'll see that here in a minute, or it just proves that that thought is true.

So do you see the power of our thoughts?

We think of thought.

Creates an emotion creates an action or inaction.

And then that result is that the thought becomes true.

That is the power of our thoughts.

It's not that something happens.

And we just think about it.

It's that after we think about it.

Our body gets to work, making it true.

Our brain is trying to prove itself, right.

Okay.

the power of the model.

So.

So these results are a consequence of these actions.

Okay.

So in the flat tire example, the result would be something like bad things

keep happening to me because your brain keeps looking for evidence of it.

That is a really powerful concept in the model.

When you tell your brain that something is true, like bad things

happen to me, it will set about finding evidence that that is true.

And you will collect those things.

Have you ever met someone who's chronically unhappy?

When you ask them why they're unhappy?

They'll say, well, my life just sucks because of X, Y, Z a, B C 1 2, 3.

And they just have lists and lists of all the bad things that happened to them.

Because if that is what their brain has been focusing on, the thought

that bad things happen to me or that life is so hard or whatever it is.

Okay.

So here's a recap.

You have the external stimulus.

Your head pitches in a thought.

Your heart pitches in an emotion and your hands get to work or do nothing.

And then you get the result.

So recap of the flat tire example, the external stimulus is the flat tire.

The head thinks bad things always happen to me.

The Hartfield self pity and the hands do nothing, or just collect

evidence that bad things happen to me.

And the result is.

Bad things keep happening to me or rather I keep noticing them

because that's where my head is.

Okay.

So fascinating.

Isn't it.

Now, this model is the key to every change you want to make in your life.

Every change.

I promise you.

You might call it a cheat code to life.

If you play video games, you know what a cheat code is, this is

what the model is for your life.

It's a cheat code to it.

There is no problem that cannot be improved.

Or solved by using this model.

I promise you it is fascinating and mind blowing and so powerful all at once.

So now that you understand this, I want to draw your attention to something.

It's the fact that so many hacks that we try to use to reach goals do not work.

The reason is because they're trying to change a different part

of the model other than the thought.

So let's picture, for example, a stream running through our yard.

If we want to change the direction of the stream.

We don't go to the end of the stream and put some boulders and some sandbags there.

We don't go to the middle of the stream.

We go to the head of the stream.

We go as far up as we can in order to change the direction, because

the farther up the line we go.

The greater the change we can make in the streams direction.

Does that make sense?

The way the model works is exactly like this.

We can try to change the result.

can try to change the action.

We can try to change the emotion, but the most power

comes from changing the thought.

And in order to change the thought, we have to know what it is, and we

have to know why we're thinking it.

So really common issue with newbies to coaching is that they figure

out what their thought is and they immediately want to change it.

But unless, you know why you're thinking that thought you're not

going to be able to change it.

You're going to need to poke at it a little bit and like

loosen your grasp on it.

Okay.

Does that make sense?

So let me give you a few examples.

Diets generally do not work.

Why?

Because you're just trying to change the hands part, the action.

You're just trying to not put the cookie in your mouth without thinking

about the emotion or the thoughts that come before picking up the cookie.

Interesting right.

One reason why people who get divorced often enter another

relationship and get divorced again.

Because they tried to change a bad marriage by.

Bailing from the marriage instead of changing their

thoughts about the marriage.

I'm not saying that's the case for everyone.

Who's divorced.

Don't get me wrong.

But many times if people are chronically ending relationships

because they think that person is the problem when it's really their

thoughts that are the problem.

Okay.

If you've ever just tried to love people more with sheer force of will.

Sheer willpower.

It doesn't work because you're only trying to change your

emotion, the heart part of it.

You're not going to the head.

Okay.

So we got to go all the way back up to the thoughts and analyze

those thoughts before we can make any lasting changes in our life.

Okay.

going to give you two more examples of this model in action, so you

can really see the power of it.

And then I want you to go try it in your own life and I'll show you how to do that.

Let's start with a common one.

You've got dishes in the sink.

We're not gonna say a lot of dishes are really dirty dishes.

We're not gonna use any, uh, factors in the stimulus part of things.

We want to make it really cold, hard fact.

Dishes in the sink.

The head comes in and says nobody cleans, but me that's a pretty common thought.

Anybody think that thought, oh, nobody picks up around here, but me.

The emotion that comes up for me very often is anger.

So the heart spits out anger, and then the hands get to work, yelling

at kids, nagging, slamming doors, all those things that make me look angry.

Right.

Sometimes I refuse to clean because it's their turn.

And very often I don't teach my kids or hold them accountable because I'm so mad.

And the result is.

Nobody cleans, but me.

Because instead of calmly and rationally, getting to work,

teaching my kids, cleaning skills and holding them accountable.

I'm too busy, being angry.

Thanks to the thought that nobody cleans, but meme.

for just a second, if that thought was.

I need to work on teaching my kids a little bit better.

That wouldn't create anger that would probably create curiosity right.

Or empowerment or something different.

So then the stream changes right at the outset and there's no

anger and yelling and nagging.

There's just me focused on what I can change, which is how I teach my kids.

So fascinating.

All right.

Here's another one.

My friend says words.

There are words that I don't like.

So the thought is she's so inconsiderate.

The heart spits out the emotion of frustration, because I'm

thinking that she's in considerate.

And then the hands get to work, not listening to her side or making up

stories about how she thinks and feels.

She said this because of this or getting defensive.

And the result of this model is that I become the inconsiderate one.

Because instead of trying to listen to her thoughts, And her

side of things, I'm dwelling in my frustration, which is coming from me,

thinking that she's so inconsiderate.

Now.

Is it a fact that she's inconsiderate?

No.

Why.

Because not everybody can agree on that.

Somebody might hear what she says and thinks.

Oh, that's a nice thing to say that possibly.

But my mind.

Chose to think that she was inconsiderate, which created

frustration, which created defensiveness.

And a back relationship.

Okay.

So amazing when we start digging into what our brain is doing.

You guys now, last thing I'll say.

Please stay open and curious and loving towards your brain when you start picking

at it and looking in there and diving in deep and working on this model, you're

going to have some judgment come up.

You're going to start asking yourself, why do I get so angry?

Why do I keep thinking that nobody's cleaning?

But me, why do I keep thinking that my friend is inconsiderate?

Save the judgment.

You just put it aside.

You don't need any of that instead.

You just want love and curiosity.

Treat your brain, like you would treat a loved one and just be so curious about

what's going on in there, because you have your reasons for thinking the way you do.

You've probably picked them up from family members or people that you've met.

You've probably picked them up as a way to protect yourself

emotionally, your brain has lots of great reasons for these thoughts.

So please don't judge it.

Please.

Don't get angry with it.

Just stay curious.

Okay.

So tool is so magic.

I highly recommend that you pull out a notebook and you

write head heart, hands on it.

Don't forget to include the stimulus at the beginning of that cold,

hard fact that starts everything.

I include your thought, your emotion, your actions, or your inaction that you take.

Thanks to that emotion.

And then tell yourself what the result is.

If you have trouble with this.

Please schedule a free call with me.

I would love to show you how it works in detail.

But it is absolute magic and I promise it is the key to improving

literally every area in your life.

Especially the area of building our own business because so much of

that drama comes from our own head.

All right, friend.

I hope you love this episode.