We have exciting news... we're adopting!! We wanted to sit down and share our adoption story with you all. We cannot thank you enough for your prayers and support over the years -- we are truly so grateful. We are beyond excited for this new chapter in the Lord's good plan for us and our family!

Adopted for Life Book

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Hey, I am your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to The Ever Be

2

Podcast where Faith Meets Lifestyle.

3

I'm so excited you're here.

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Whether you're a new listener

or a longtime follower, I know

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there's something here for you.

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Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful, real life conversations and

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actionable steps on how to claim the.

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Full life God created you for.

9

If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ-centered life in today's

10

modern world, then this is for you.

11

Welcome to ever be.

12

m---t-adoption-story_6_12-27-2025_115930:

We have some exciting news to share.

13

To share, share.

14

Woo.

15

We're adopting.

16

Nice.

17

We're adopting.

18

We're gonna become

parents soon, hopefully.

19

Yes.

20

We have super exciting news that

we wanna just dive into today

21

and just share basically our

story of how we even got here.

22

Because if you would've told us a

year ago, a year and a half ago, two

23

years ago, whatever, five years ago.

24

Five years ago when we first got married,

that we were gonna be here today, I

25

don't think I would've believed you.

26

Um, and so we're excited to share just.

27

What our journey has looked like

over the past year of discernment.

28

Yeah.

29

We have been struggling with

infertility for four years.

30

We got married five years ago, been trying

to have kids for four years and like

31

Mari said, we never expected to be here.

32

But the Lord has done some incredible

things in our hearts and in our lives

33

and giving us this call to adopt.

34

And we're really excited to bring you

along and share the story with you.

35

Yeah, and part of why we want to share

our story publicly is because during our

36

discernment process, at least for me, it

was so encouraging to find other people

37

who were sharing their story online.

38

Um, I, in our four years of struggling,

have obviously seen so many videos

39

and stories of people sharing their

motherhood journey and their pregnancy

40

and their children, and it is so

beautiful to watch and obviously

41

just makes you want to be a mom and

want to raise kids and desire that.

42

And once we started really.

43

Like discerning seriously

this option of adoption.

44

I was like, what does this

look like in a family?

45

What does this look like for a young

married faithful couple to go to the

46

hospital and pick up a baby, or maybe

fly to another country and pick up a

47

baby, or maybe pick up a toddler or

like, what does this even look like?

48

What are all the scenarios?

49

Are they happy?

50

Do they love their child?

51

Right?

52

Like all these like basic like

fears and questions that go

53

through your mind when you're.

54

Discerning is such a big thing

and stepping into this journey.

55

And there's a couple creators that

I found, a couple like viral videos

56

I found on TikTok and Instagram

that just like left me in tears.

57

Mm-hmm.

58

Several mornings just waking up, opening

up my phone and like going through these

59

different creators like adoption stories,

seeing the process for the parents as they

60

go through all the paperwork and legal

work and then the process of like being

61

chosen by the mom or being matched with

the child and picking up their child.

62

It was just like so beautiful and

that was such an encouraging factor

63

I think for me in this process.

64

So.

65

The Lord has given us this

platform and, and we wanna use it.

66

And so we're so excited to share

with you guys and hopefully encourage

67

anybody else on the journey.

68

So I think we should start probably like,

what, like three years ago we, at that

69

point, we're a year or year and a half

into, uh, struggling with infertility.

70

And Mari and I were having this

conversation and we were just

71

like, okay, like we know adoption

is a way to grow your family.

72

Mm-hmm.

73

Um, would you ever consider that?

74

And we both were kinda

like, well, no, not really.

75

Like we didn't, we, we weren't

really excited about that proposition

76

and, and that way to grow your

family at that time and mm-hmm.

77

So we kind of just dismissed it and

we're like, okay, well, you know, like

78

if we are still struggling three years

later, or like after three years of

79

struggling with this infertility mm-hmm.

80

Like.

81

Then maybe we'll consider it.

82

Maybe we'll start discerning.

83

Yeah.

84

We'll start praying about it.

85

But like right now it's like,

that seems so far in the future.

86

Yeah like we still really wanna

have our own kids and we feel like

87

that's where the Lord's calling us.

88

And so we're just gonna

go down that route.

89

Mm-hmm.

90

And we'll just open up that box mm-hmm.

91

In another year and a half.

92

Yeah.

93

And I mean, at that point especially, and

I'm sure for anybody going through it,

94

even if you did expect it or you didn't.

95

Right.

96

But I think for us it was very unexpected.

97

This whole struggle with our

fertility, a year and a half in

98

felt like an eternity already.

99

Oh yeah.

100

So like, I was like, there's no way we're

gonna go through double the time Yeah.

101

That we have already gone through.

102

And so we were like, yeah, we're

not ready to talk about adoption.

103

Like we'll just open that,

you know, way down the road.

104

Yep.

105

And um.

106

Last winter was three years.

107

Three years of us trying.

108

And in the fall it kind of

started crossing my mind.

109

'cause I'm always thinking

a couple steps ahead.

110

And so like September and October I was

like, wow, like we're about to enter

111

the last few months of the year and I

know that this is gonna be year three.

112

Mm-hmm.

113

This is when we said we would

start talking about adoption.

114

Yeah.

115

And what's crazy is that like in this

whole fertility journey that we've gone

116

through, like every day seems really

slow sometimes, but then it's like the

117

months kind of all pile up fly by somehow.

118

Mm-hmm.

119

Like I couldn't believe that

we had already hit three years.

120

Yeah, totally.

121

Because totally in, in one

sense it felt like, how did we

122

already get here so quickly?

123

But in another sense it's like,

it's been but like 30 on the day

124

to day six cycles of no pregnancy.

125

Yeah.

126

Like on the day to day it's like,

wow, like this is really heavy.

127

So.

128

Kind of a weird experience

there of mm-hmm.

129

You know, grief.

130

Yeah.

131

And, and suffering and everything

that just like flies by and

132

is slow at the same time.

133

Yeah.

134

But it came around, so we hit three

years and then I, I remember Mari

135

kind of like starting to just kind of

bring it up, even the monthly, up to

136

December, uh, she's just like, Hey, like

three years is coming up, like should

137

probably start talking about adoption.

138

And I was like, I don't really want to.

139

Mm-hmm.

140

Um, and I honestly didn't

really want to either.

141

Yeah.

142

Like, I think like in our hearts, and

at least in mine, it wasn't ever that

143

I was against adoption or like could

never see myself opening that door.

144

Right.

145

Right.

146

It was mostly just like, I think

all the really heavy emotions that

147

come with grieving, like the loss.

148

Of like the family you

thought you would have mm-hmm.

149

When you first get married.

150

Yeah.

151

When you're young and you're healthy

and all your friends are having kids

152

around you, like you desire that

same thing and like you would just

153

expect that like you would go down

that same path, the same path our

154

parents did and our siblings Yeah.

155

Are doing like, it's just the

normal thing and that's just what we

156

always and like imagined, envisioned

and envisioned for our lives.

157

Yeah.

158

Yeah.

159

It's what we've always envisioned.

160

And so I think that is part of where that

hesitation comes from, of just like having

161

to really surrender all of your plans to

the Lord and be like, you build my family.

162

You know?

163

Yeah.

164

Like I give you complete control,

Lord, like however it is that you

165

wanna build my family, I'm gonna

let you do that because I don't,

166

I like, I'm not the giver of life.

167

I don't have control over that.

168

And so.

169

I think like even though I kind of was

like dropping those little breadcrumbs

170

in the fall, I still very like, had to

surrender, like my vision of like mm-hmm.

171

The perfect family we

thought we would have.

172

Right?

173

Yeah, totally.

174

When truly like God's plan

is what is, is perfect.

175

Um, yeah.

176

But it takes time for us to get there.

177

Yeah.

178

And so, I mean, up to this point, in

December is kind of where this whole, I

179

think this adoption story really starts.

180

Yeah.

181

Yeah, so I think I was carrying kind of

this, you know, that this weight of like,

182

wow, this three years is coming around.

183

We said we would talk about this,

but winters have always been kind

184

of hard for me in this journey.

185

We started trying in the winter,

and so it's just a reminder that

186

a whole nother year has gone by.

187

You're nearing the end of the year.

188

Mm-hmm.

189

And so it's always pretty heavy.

190

And last year was tough and we're

going into Christmas mass, and I.

191

Yeah, I kind of was just carrying

that all with me and going into this

192

mass like, wow, like another Christmas

without a baby to hold, um, without

193

a pregnancy or a baby in our arms.

194

Mm-hmm.

195

And I think every Christmas I'm like

just so hopeful for the next year

196

that like, when that next Christmas

comes around, it's like really heavy

197

to carry because you're like, wow.

198

Like how did a whole nother year go by?

199

So in this mass, I am trying to hold

both like the joy of Christmas and like.

200

The hardship and sorrow of, of my heart

and the grief that we've gone through.

201

And there was a moment in the mass, we

were at Christmas, mass on Christmas

202

Eve with Trey's family last year.

203

And my sister-in-law, my sweet

sister-in-law has, um, two children now.

204

At the time she just had one, our

little nephew, and he was like

205

squirming around and she had to

go to the bathroom or something or

206

other, and she asked me to hold him.

207

So I was helping out with James and was

holding him through part of the mass.

208

And it happened to be the moment

of, um, the Eucharistic consecration

209

in the middle of the mass.

210

And in that moment I'm

like, I'm holding James.

211

And I'm like just praying to the Lord.

212

Like, don't you see my heart, Lord?

213

Like.

214

Haven't you seen like my desire and

my struggle and like my, don't you

215

hear my prayer of like wanting to be

a mother and like, here I am, like

216

not holding my own child, right?

217

Like, I love my nephew

as if he were my own.

218

As much as, you know, you can when you're,

uh, an aunt, but it's not your own.

219

And in that moment I just like

felt so just exhausted from the

220

struggle, honestly, like exhausted

from trying to convince God that

221

my plan was better than his.

222

And like every day and every month and

every year praying for my will to be done,

223

praying for us to see a positive pregnancy

test, praying for us to have a baby.

224

That month, that year, I felt something

in my heart, like completely release.

225

That Christmas Eve mass, and I

just prayed to the Lord in that

226

moment like, you know what?

227

Like I am, I'm tired.

228

I'm tired of trying to get my way.

229

And from now on, Lord, like I surrender.

230

I surrender this whole journey to you.

231

I surrender this desire and

232

I'm going to start praying

for my will to be your will.

233

And so in that moment I like, I

let go of this grasp I feel like

234

that I had of how I wanted my

family to look like in my timing.

235

And while I'm like surrendering to the

Lord in this prayer, I'm, I'm basically

236

saying like, whatever it is, Lord, however

it is, you wanna build our family, whether

237

that's biological or even adoption.

238

Like, soften my heart, open my heart.

239

Like I give you full permission.

240

Right?

241

And the Lord, like he's so

gentle with us that like I, I've

242

experienced in my life many times,

like he waits for us to do that.

243

He waits for us to like, give him

permission to come and work in our lives

244

after we like give him a full surrender.

245

And so in that moment when I gave him

that full surrender, like I've just

246

felt him speak in my heart and put

on my heart that like his love of the

247

father, like this great love that he

has, he has given us and he has adopted

248

us as his children and our job as.

249

Parents is to show our children

the love of the father.

250

And he in that moment was just

like, adoption is a way to show

251

a child the love of the father.

252

Just as I have loved you and adopted

you, you can love and adopt a child

253

and bring them into your family and

show them that same love of the father.

254

And that it, that just like softened

my heart so much in that moment.

255

Like I just like genuinely felt

like so many walls kind of like

256

come down and open to this new path.

257

And then it was Christmas, right?

258

And, and then I, like my gaze

turns towards the nativity scene

259

that they have at the church.

260

And I saw it with like new eyes for

the first time ever because I saw Mary

261

and Joseph and Jesus and realized like

Joseph is Jesus's adoptive father.

262

And we hear that all the time.

263

Like Joseph is Jesus adoptive father.

264

But at least for me, I feel like it

kind of goes in one ear out the other.

265

'cause we just like hear it so often

it doesn't mean anything anymore.

266

And in that moment it all just like

became really clear again that like

267

in the holy family, even in the most

holy, most perfect family, the Lord even

268

there thought to place an example of

biological family and an adoptive family.

269

And that was like another, just like

grace and encouragement that I received

270

and like just love from the father

that I received in that moment to

271

be like, look like we even see this

type of family in the holy family.

272

Um, and so from that day I, I think

like I took the biggest step that I

273

could in this whole journey to really

allow the Lord to start leading and.

274

To allow him to show us how he wanted

to build our family in his timing.

275

Mm-hmm.

276

Yeah.

277

And I love that your prayer,

like in that moment shifted from

278

praying, Lord, help us get pregnant.

279

To.

280

Lord may your will be done.

281

Mm-hmm.

282

Um, so that shift in that prayer and

that that surrender was really powerful.

283

And that changed everything.

284

Mm-hmm.

285

Totally.

286

For me, I think like my day to day, my

demeanor, like my approach to mm-hmm.

287

Our journey of growing our family,

like there was such a joy and lightness

288

that came in the months leading after.

289

Yeah.

290

Because truly every single

day I changed my prayer.

291

Every single day I started

praying like, Lord, change my

292

heart to will what you will.

293

Yep.

294

Um, and that changed everything.

295

Yeah.

296

And so that was like, honestly

just a little Christmas miracle

297

that Mari got to experience there.

298

Truly.

299

uh, And then in the months following

that, she started, doing a lot of

300

research and talking to friends.

301

And then in the months following

Christmas, like Mari started doing

302

all the research and was like starting

to get really excited about this.

303

I was trying to find people

who had already adopted.

304

Yeah.

305

Because we actually didn't

share, like with our friends

306

or family that we were discern.

307

That we were discerning.

308

Yeah.

309

So I had one person in my life Yeah.

310

One friend that had adopted and I

was like, I need to call 'em first.

311

Yeah.

312

And like hear about their experience.

313

Mm-hmm.

314

And tamari's sharing this, like she

shared this little Christmas miracle

315

that happened in her heart and then

she started talking to her friend, and

316

then her friend recommended a book.

317

Meanwhile, Mari's like getting

really excited about it.

318

She's like, oh my gosh.

319

Like there's a light at

the end of the tunnel.

320

Like there's, this is a

beautiful way that the Lord is

321

inviting us to grow our family.

322

And I think that like the more I

dove into the different resources,

323

the more my heart open to it.

324

Mm-hmm.

325

And I think that's a really

good sign in discernment, right?

326

Like the more doors you open , as you

continue to do that, when you feel

327

like peace and consolation, like,

that's where the Lord is leading you.

328

And so this friend recommended

a book and I read this book.

329

This friend recommended some different

adoption agents to talk to, and we

330

like got on phone calls with them.

331

Mm-hmm.

332

And all of these different steps

opened my heart more and more.

333

And I think there was really a moment

where in this book I was reading it said

334

something that kind of made me realize

like, wow, this is really beginning to

335

be like my own desire for motherhood.

336

The author was saying how he wasn't

really open to the idea of adoption.

337

Him and his wife struggled

with infertility.

338

It's a Protestant pastor who talks

about the biblical foundations,

339

foundations of adoptions.

340

It's called Adopted For Life.

341

It's a great book.

342

We can link it in the show notes.

343

And I was listening it to, on

listening to it on Audible.

344

And he says that like he knew that

his heart actually desired to adopt

345

a child when like in the morning

he would wake up and the first

346

thing he thought about wasn't like

his wife getting pregnant anymore.

347

Like you know when you're just so

excited about something and it's always

348

on your mind, you wake up and it's

like the first thing you think about.

349

Like, I've experienced that

so much in this journey.

350

We're like, I wake up and I'm like, gosh,

I just like wonder if this will be the

351

month that we get pregnant or like, I

wonder if you know, this Christmas will

352

be the Christmas that we get to share with

our family, the news and stuff like that.

353

And in this book he was like, I knew that

I had that shift when in the morning all

354

of a sudden I started daydreaming about

like picking up a baby at the hospital.

355

And it was crazy because just the

, like the few days before I read that

356

and like the whole like week leading

up before that, like I had started

357

to notice that like that's what I

was thinking about in the morning.

358

And especially 'cause I had found

right these different creators online.

359

That were sharing about,

um, their journey.

360

I think like that was just on my mind.

361

And I would just like wake up in

the morning and I was like, wow.

362

Like what if that could be us one day?

363

Yeah.

364

Like what would it be like to like go

to the hospital and like pick up a baby?

365

And like there was like excitement that

like came along with that and when,

366

and when he said that, he was like,

and then I realized like that was like

367

the desire that I had on my heart and

that was a huge part for me because the

368

lord was starting to change my heart.

369

Yeah.

370

The Lord was starting to open

my heart and I realized that

371

like it was coming from within.

372

Mm-hmm.

373

Yeah.

374

So you're daydreaming, you were,

you used to daydream about getting

375

a positive pregnancy test and

then your daydream shifted to.

376

Picking up a baby at the hospital.

377

Mm-hmm.

378

Or like mm-hmm.

379

Doing something with adoption.

380

And so that's where Mari was at.

381

Meanwhile, I was still

pretty closed off to it.

382

Uh, we were having these

conversations with each other.

383

We were having conversations with

adoption agencies and consultants, and

384

we were like, trying to do this research.

385

And all the while, like these

conversations just always

386

tended to end up very tense.

387

Mm-hmm.

388

Because Mari was really excited.

389

She wanted me to be

excited, but I wasn't there.

390

I didn't really wanna talk about it.

391

And obviously, like we know that the

adoption process is very long, and so

392

Mari was feeling like, we're called

to this, I'm excited about this.

393

We gotta get started now because

it's gonna take a long time.

394

We don't wanna delay any further.

395

But I was holding us

back and so there's just.

396

And, and, and that's just like so,

so classic of like my personality.

397

Like if you know me, like once I like.

398

See a new thing or a new

project or like a new dream.

399

I'm like, okay, great, what

is the path to get there?

400

Like, like let's start now.

401

Let's now let's start and

let's go after it, right?

402

Mm-hmm.

403

And so once I started feeling this

desire, I don't even, and I always

404

told Trey this in our conversations,

like I don't feel like God is calling

405

us to adopt until we are both ready.

406

Of course.

407

Yeah.

408

So like he would be like, okay, well

you feel like God's calling us to this?

409

Like I'm not there yet.

410

Mm-hmm.

411

I'm like, well, yeah, I feel so much

openness and it's a radical shift from

412

what I used to feel, so I know it's

God working in my heart, but I can't

413

say with a hundred percent certainty

that God is calling us to adoption.

414

Unless we're both on the same page.

415

Yeah.

416

'cause he's, one thing my spiritual

director said to me that really brought

417

me a lot of peace is that like, he's not

gonna prepare my heart and not yours.

418

Yeah.

419

He's not gonna have this plan for our

family and forget to clue you in on it.

420

Yeah.

421

You know?

422

Of course.

423

Especially like as a husband and future

father of our family, like my spiritual

424

director was like, this is a great

time for you to practice patience and

425

for you to practice docility mari,

and like following in your husband's

426

like leadership and footsteps.

427

Mm-hmm.

428

And if he's not ready and if his

discernment hasn't gotten to where yours

429

is, like it's not God calling you yet.

430

Yeah.

431

And it's not the time yet.

432

And the biggest thing for me,

the biggest obstacle was this.

433

Feeling like I did not

want adoption to be plan B.

434

I did not want adoption to be the

next best option or the solution

435

to this problem of infertility

that we were experiencing.

436

And it just felt like, well, we're

just gonna have to settle for adoption

437

because we can't get pregnant.

438

And I was, I wasn't truly like desirous

of adoption for adoption's sake.

439

And so that's where I was really hung up.

440

And then, um.

441

Fast forward through the summer, uh,

like we were still doing some research,

442

having these conversations off and on,

um, praying about it a lot, and, uh,

443

just doing that discernment process.

444

And was there anything in the

summer that you wanted to bring up?

445

Well, I think like a lot of the

tense conversations we had were

446

like over the spring where like

I was really pushing for it.

447

Mm-hmm.

448

And you were like, I'm

not, I'm not there yet.

449

Yeah.

450

And I kind of rec, and this was all at the

same time as like we were still pursuing

451

our fertility appointments, treatments,

procedures, all the things Yeah.

452

That we've been going through

over the last few years.

453

Like, we were still doing all of that.

454

So it was just like a lot of mm-hmm.

455

Pressure, emotional turmoil,

like totally all this stuff.

456

Right.

457

So I think it was just a lot.

458

And I think like by the end of the

spring, early summer, I kind of

459

was just like, okay, I am going to

pull back on like bringing this up.

460

I'm gonna trust in this like

thing that my spiritual director

461

told me that like, God's gonna

prepare both of us in our time.

462

Like, and I just need to trust

that the Lord's gonna like work in

463

Trey's heart when it's the time.

464

And if it's not then

it's not the time, right?

465

So I just decided to kind of stop

bringing it up as much or stop starting

466

these conversations and instead I

just kind of quietly started to pray

467

for Trey in his heart and really just

prayed for him to feel conviction over.

468

Some part of this process that

he could get excited about

469

some part of this process.

470

Mm-hmm.

471

And kind of take leadership in that.

472

And so I was just kind of doing that on

my own and we didn't really talk about it

473

until maybe the end of the summer again.

474

Yeah.

475

Yeah.

476

And so, yeah, during the summer

I was, you know, I read the book,

477

uh, that I adopted for Life book.

478

Uh, I was just praying through

it and still just felt very

479

stuck, not, not desirous of it.

480

Um, and then I remember we went to

Mexico with Mari's family in August.

481

And I remember shortly after

coming home from that trip just

482

being in prayer one morning.

483

And for the first time I felt

this like sliver of excitement

484

in my heart about adoption.

485

And that was the first time

I've ever experienced it.

486

And it was while I was

praying about and like.

487

The excitement came at the thought

of adopting a Hispanic baby.

488

And I was like, okay, that's weird.

489

Um, but lemme, let's just look into it.

490

And so then after a couple searches

on chat, GBT, we, uh, it seemed

491

like there was a lot more obstacles

through, uh, international adoption.

492

And so it was a little bit of a

bummer because I, that was the first

493

time I'd been excited about mm-hmm.

494

Adoption and, um, seemed like

there was more obstacles.

495

And so I was like, okay, well, hmm.

496

Uh, and then a month later I was,

uh, at Grotto, uh, praying in front

497

of Mary and there was like, that

was my surrender moment where I just

498

finally, I felt like let go and just

like truly, truly surrendered, just

499

like the entire infertility, the, uh,

our family, anything with adoption,

500

just whatever God was calling us to.

501

Like, I, I just surrendered

everything to Mary and just asked

502

her to just intercede for us and I

just gave it to her and that was it.

503

It was just a, a moment of surrender

and just giving it all to Mary.

504

And then a few days later there

was a noticeable shift in my

505

heart, like very distinct.

506

There was the conversations that Maria and

I started having were, they were filled

507

with excitement and joy, and I was the

one starting the conversation as opposed

508

to being like, waiting for Mario to start

the conversation and then just being, oh,

509

I forget we're talking about this again.

510

And so, uh, I would, I would bring

it up and I was really excited.

511

And I think that was a huge thing

where, like for me, I had stopped

512

bringing it up over the summer.

513

Mm-hmm.

514

And you came back from your

travels in September where

515

you like had this experience.

516

You like brought it up and you brought it

up on your own and you were like, I could

517

tell, like kind of excited, intrigued,

and, and interested and excited.

518

Mm-hmm.

519

And I was just kind of

like, what is going on?

520

Yeah.

521

But I was rolling with it.

522

Yeah.

523

And then, uh, there was a few things

in those conversations that were, that

524

I think really made a big difference,

a big impact in my prayer life.

525

And there's the two things that Mari

said was one, um, she kind of made

526

this comment where we realized that

we had been trying for kids for.

527

Over three years at this

point, and to have a family.

528

And we had never once read a book on

parenting or a book on raising children.

529

Mm-hmm.

530

And the, we didn't need all the

education and the prep to know that

531

we were called to raise children and

to know that we were desirous of kids.

532

Mm-hmm.

533

And up to that point, I felt like

this whole adoption process was

534

really intimidating and really scary.

535

And it was like just this big serious

decision, which it is, but, but we were

536

like, we, like, we put a lot of pressure

on ourselves in that time to like learn

537

as much as possible and like read.

538

So I was like reading books on like

how to parent adopted children and

539

trying to like, get feedback and

hear about other people's experience

540

about like, what it was like to

raise their, like older children

541

now that were adopted at some point.

542

You know?

543

And the reality that just

kind of struck me was like.

544

Am I really choosing the decision

to adopt a child based off of like

545

what it might be like to parent

them when they're teenagers?

546

Mm-hmm.

547

Like that's not a reason to

choose or not choose parenthood.

548

Mm-hmm.

549

And one thing that someone said

to me is like, you, like your

550

own kid's not gonna be perfect.

551

Like you think your own kid's

gonna be perfect and perfectly

552

healthy and perfectly behaved.

553

And that's not true.

554

Like every human being is different,

every child is different and you

555

don't know what your own biological

children's stories are gonna be either.

556

And so they're like, you don't, like your

own kid could have X, Y, z behavioral

557

problems when they're teenagers too.

558

Mm-hmm.

559

Like, it's not like there's

like a stigma, I think.

560

Right.

561

Like a rounded option.

562

And so I was really trying to do a lot of

research and putting a lot of pressure.

563

And then one morning it just kind

of came like, I haven't read a

564

single pregnancy book, a single

parenting book, a single like.

565

How to raise your own kid book.

566

And we have been trying

for kids for years.

567

Yeah.

568

Like the realization is we didn't need

all of this research education to know,

569

to know if we were called to adopt or not.

570

Uhhuh, like we can make the decision

to like desire adoption and to be

571

called to adoption without all of the

like education and research and stuff.

572

And so then that was really freeing

for us to be like, okay, wow.

573

Like this is a decision that

we can make now even if we

574

don't feel completely prepared.

575

Mm-hmm.

576

Because it's like one

you're never gonna be.

577

Mm-hmm.

578

And two, it's like, it's not like

we were completely prepared for

579

parenthood with biological kids either.

580

Right.

581

It's like, but we knew we were called

to that we knew we were desires of that.

582

Yeah.

583

And like we have definitely done our

due diligence in researching like what

584

is it, like how to do the adoption.

585

Right.

586

Right.

587

And like knowing that like this is a call

that we are, that the Lord is calling

588

us to, but it's less about like choosing

it because of what's gonna come later.

589

Right.

590

You know what I mean?

591

Mm-hmm.

592

I hope that makes sense.

593

Yeah.

594

And then, so that was one thing

that was like, oh wow, okay.

595

That was really freeing, that realization.

596

And then the other thing that happened

in September, there was a moment where

597

I thought that I might be pregnant.

598

And it was so weird because for the

first time, thinking that I almost

599

felt like a sadness in my heart at

the same time because I was like,

600

well, shoot, if we are pregnant.

601

Then like Trey's not gonna let us

adopt because like we already got

602

our kid and it was like so weird

because like I'd been waiting to be

603

pregnant for like almost four years.

604

Yeah.

605

And a moment where I thought that

I might be feeling that like kind

606

of like sadness and almost that

like hesitancy of like, wait, no.

607

Like I can't get pregnant yet

because like we're gonna adopt.

608

Yeah.

609

Like we wanna like go down this path and

like this might ruin that like whole plan.

610

Mm-hmm.

611

That really revealed to me

like what my true desire was.

612

Mm-hmm.

613

And so we were on a walk one day

around our neighborhood, just like

614

walking our dog and I was like, Trey

just like have to tell you something.

615

And I just like told them like

what I was kind of thinking

616

and feeling the last like week.

617

Yeah.

618

And just hearing her say that.

619

Like, like that was really powerful

because that alleviated mm-hmm.

620

My primary obstacle and concern

that the adoption would be the

621

second best option or plan B.

622

And so hearing her say that was like,

wow, this is regardless of when or if we

623

get pregnant, like adoption is plan A.

624

Mm-hmm.

625

Like that is what Mari desires.

626

Mm-hmm.

627

And that like, hearing her say

that like, excited me and released

628

that fear that I had in my heart

and allowed me to be like, yeah.

629

Like, wow.

630

Like I, I can feel my heart.

631

Like I'm agreeing with that.

632

And, and I mean, this is all on the heels

of surrendering this entire thing to Mary.

633

And there being this like, very

distinct shift in my heart where it

634

was like I was closed off and then

I surrendered it to Mary and then I

635

was open, and then all these things

started piling up and I'm like, wow.

636

Like I, I'm excited now.

637

And then I started realizing.

638

With kinda what Mari said earlier

was like my daydream started

639

to become adopting kids and.

640

I was just like, wow, like you're right.

641

And so, and it was crazy how

like that just all followed

642

like your surrender moment too.

643

And it just goes to

show like when we truly.

644

Let go of this grasp that we have.

645

If there's something in our lives

that we have been grasping and

646

grasping and grasping and waiting

periods can be really hard.

647

Right?

648

And like the moment we're able

to not, like, not think about it

649

or not stress about it, right?

650

But just the moment we're actually able

to surrender it to the Lord and be like,

651

I obviously still deeply care about this

and want to heal our fertility, but like,

652

Lord, we're gonna release this to you.

653

We're gonna surrender to you.

654

We're gonna let you like

take control of our lives.

655

We're gonna let you lead.

656

We're gonna let you show us

how you wanna build our family.

657

And when we were both able to have those

moments separately in our own time,

658

it's like it exactly what you said,

just like this, like deep seated desire

659

that like the Lord has placed on our

hearts, like really started to flourish.

660

Mm-hmm.

661

And we both started to get

excited about it at the same time,

662

talking about it at the same time.

663

And we realized like, wow, like we desire

this just as much as biological children.

664

Yep.

665

And I told Trey like.

666

Trey, even if we get pregnant

tomorrow, I still wanna adopt and

667

like I still wanna move forward.

668

And I was like a hundred percent

like now adoption became plan A.

669

And so at that point we're now like

95, maybe even 98% sure that we are

670

called to adoption and that we want it.

671

But there's still this like

hesitation and this fear because

672

we're like, this is still a big deal.

673

This is a huge decision.

674

Huge decision.

675

Huge decision.

676

Yeah.

677

And one thing that I kept thinking

about was like, this is like on the

678

same level as choosing who you're

going to marry, which is huge.

679

Like you are choosing to add

another human being into your life

680

for the rest of your life and.

681

And so I was like, wow, like

I need God to like really give

682

me that extra confirmation.

683

And I don't know if you guys have

ever done this and God's probably

684

like, oh, you have little faith.

685

Why do you need more?

686

Like, I've already given

you, you so much, so much.

687

I've already changed your heart so much.

688

You guys are both on the same page.

689

This is a beautiful thing.

690

Go for it.

691

Right?

692

But I was just like, Lord,

like I need you to really like

693

smack me in the face with it.

694

I need you to show me that

this is truly the path.

695

Like, and I was like, I know

you've probably already like, you

696

know, done your work here, but

you've given me the breadcrumbs.

697

But yeah, like you've already given me

the breadcrumb trail and I'm, I'm probably

698

just like dumb enough to like miss it,

you know, and blind enough to all the

699

ways that you're working in my life.

700

So like, please, I need a billboard.

701

Like I need something huge like a

billboard to literally say, dear

702

Mari, you're called to adopt Love God.

703

Mm-hmm.

704

Um, and so I literally started praying.

705

For a billboard, and I started praying

for a, like a tangible sign that

706

told me we were called to adopt.

707

And there was one morning in prayer, I was

back at this church, um, that I love so

708

much and it was just like such dry prayer.

709

Like that whole week I had been

to adoration every single day.

710

I'm really trying to show up to lean

into my relationship with God and

711

to allow God the space to like speak

to me and like give me this like

712

confirmation that I'm asking for.

713

And I just felt like prayer was like

literally so dry and, and quiet.

714

And I was just getting frustrated on

and on this last day of this week that

715

I had been going to adoration every day.

716

I just was like, okay, I'm gonna

pull out scripture and see what

717

scripture has to say, and just

like let scripture lead my prayer.

718

And I open up to this random gospel

and it's Jesus healing a blind man.

719

And as he approaches a blind man, he asks

him, what do you want me to do for you?

720

And the blind man says that he

wants healing and wants to see.

721

And so Jesus heals him and

he goes off on his merry way.

722

And in that moment I felt like this

like kind of like jealousy and like

723

anger towards this blind man and

Jesus healing him in this moment.

724

'cause I was like, Lord, like.

725

Why don't you ask me like, what

do you want me to do for you?

726

Like, I've been telling you what I wanted

you to do for me for the past four years.

727

Like yeah, why don't you just

ask me like, daughter, what

728

do you want me to do for you?

729

I'll do it for you and then just do

it just like you did for this man.

730

Like what?

731

And he didn't even know you, you know?

732

And like, and I know you and

I follow you and I love you.

733

And like, and you haven't asked me, it

was very much like an older son, prodigal.

734

Yeah.

735

Yeah.

736

You know, son moment where the Lord's

like you already have everything.

737

And I was just like, you

know, throwing a tantrum.

738

And again, one of those times

where I just felt the Lord

739

like speak to me in my heart.

740

And he looked at me and he was like,

okay, alright daughter, like I'll ask you

741

like, what do you want me to do for you?

742

Now's your chance.

743

And in my heart I was like.

744

Okay.

745

I have one shot at this.

746

This is like my one wish, you know,

you know, like, like the genie in

747

the bottle, you get three wishes.

748

Like it doesn't work like that.

749

But yes, that's what it felt like.

750

That's what it felt like.

751

I know that that's not how God,

how God works, but I was like,

752

this is like my one shot right now.

753

And so anyways, I'm like praying in my,

I'm like writing down my prayer journal,

754

everything that's going through my head.

755

And I was like, okay, Lord.

756

Like what do I truly want in my heart?

757

First and foremost, I want my heart

to always be aligned with your will.

758

Like that's truly the bottom

line of my prayer from now on.

759

Because it doesn't work any other way.

760

Like I'm miserable if I keep

trying to grasp for what I want and

761

it's not in line with your will.

762

Like I just wanna do your will.

763

But Lord, like if I got to pick

what that will was like if I got

764

to pick what your will was, I'm

just gonna leave it at your feet.

765

Here.

766

You do what you want with it.

767

Right?

768

And I was like, if I'm being

really honest with myself.

769

I want both.

770

Like I desire both an adoptive

child and a biological child.

771

And so I was like, Lord,

like hear my prayer.

772

This is what's truly on my heart.

773

And this church that I was at, there's

like, it's a gorgeous stain glass

774

window and all these like different

saints are on the stain glass window.

775

And I was just looking up at all them

and I was like, wow, I have asked for

776

the intercession of all of these saints,

like JP II and Saint Theres and St.

777

Faustina and Our Lady of Guadalupe.

778

And, and you're like, I've done

that, novena, I've done that novena.

779

I've asked you, I've asked you like,

how many novenas have we prayed?

780

How many fasts have we done?

781

How many like miraculous like

relics have we, you know, prayed

782

with from all these saints?

783

Mm-hmm.

784

And I mean still love these saints, right?

785

But like the Lord has a plan.

786

And I was basically just like, who do I.

787

Who do I pray to?

788

Who do I ask for?

789

There intercession for this, this

big prayer that I'm asking of the

790

Lord right now of one biological

child and one adoptive child.

791

And randomly in that moment, St.

792

Carlo Acutis popped into my head.

793

He was recently canonized, very recent.

794

Just this summer.

795

Yep.

796

Right?

797

Mm-hmm.

798

August, September, I dunno.

799

Yeah.

800

Super recent May, I don't even know.

801

It was super recent, just in the last few

months that he got canonized and it just

802

popped into my head and I was like, yes.

803

Like Carlo, you are like

a new saint around here.

804

Like you're the new kid and

everybody loves you and I'm

805

sure you're not as busy as St.

806

Therese like sending out all

these flowers to everybody.

807

Like I'm gonna choose you.

808

I'm gonna ask for your intercession,

your prayers for this intention.

809

And so I set a prayer to Carlo Acutis

in that moment to intercede for us.

810

Then that was on a Thursday.

811

That following weekend, Trey was

out of town on a silent retreat

812

and I was home alone, and I just.

813

Don't sleep when he's gone.

814

Like I just like have a

horrible night's sleep.

815

I just like can't rest.

816

So I was up like super late

every night and Saturday night.

817

I literally didn't get to bed

till like two in the morning.

818

And so the next morning I was originally

planning to go to an 8:00 AM mass

819

about on that Sunday, 'cause Trey was

gonna go to mass at his retreat and I

820

just could not get up in the morning.

821

I had had such bad nights of

sleep the nights before and I

822

was like, no, I need to sleep in.

823

So then I missed the 8:00 AM

I missed the 9:00 AM 9 45.

824

I missed the 10 and I

was gonna make it to the.

825

11, or is it 1130?

826

One of the two.

827

And I was like scrambling to eat my

breakfast before, like, you know,

828

the mass fast and get out the door.

829

And then I was like, why

am I rushing so much?

830

Like, I'm like, I can't make it.

831

Like I'm, I'm still gonna be late.

832

Right.

833

It was a rough morning you guys, and that

evening I was taking photos for a family.

834

It's like a random thing I

do on the side sometimes.

835

And so I was just like taking like family

photos for somebody that evening at the

836

time that the evening mass was going on.

837

So I already knew I wasn't gonna be

able to make it to the evening mass.

838

And so then I opened the Mass Times app,

which I honestly had never used before.

839

I think I had to like

download it or something.

840

And I was like, there has to be a mass

in Northern Colorado somewhere, or even

841

if I have to drive down to Denver, like

in the middle of the day, like noon, like

842

a one, like it's gotta exist somewhere.

843

So I look it up and there's

a church near us that has, on

844

the app it said a 1230 mass.

845

And I was like, perfect,

I'm gonna go to that mass.

846

And it happens to be in Spanish,

which is like so classic.

847

I feel like all the Spanish

masses are like in the middle of

848

the day, like in the afternoon.

849

And I'm Colombian, I speak,

I'm fluent in Spanish.

850

I was like, great.

851

Not a problem for me.

852

Like I'll go to that mass.

853

I mean, even if it was

Chinese, I would've had to go.

854

But anyways, and so I'm like

getting ready, like get out the

855

door and make it to the 1230 mass.

856

And.

857

I'm still rushing you guys.

858

I'm like on the phone with Trey 'cause

he got off his silent retreat and he

859

was starting to drive back home and

I'm driving into the parking lot of the

860

church and I'm like, Trey, I gotta go.

861

It's 1236 mass.

862

Started six minutes ago and like,

I need to make it to this mass.

863

And I run in the church and there's

like 10 people there, no mass, no

864

priest, 10 people praying the rosary.

865

And I was like, what?

866

Like I totally missed it.

867

Like what the heck?

868

And so I text Trey like, there's

nobody here, what do I do?

869

And he's like, call me back.

870

So I walk back outta the church

and I call him and he's like,

871

did you check the website?

872

You always have to

cross check the website.

873

Mari, like mass times

app is never accurate.

874

So.

875

Everybody just remember that if you're

traveling, trying to find a mass, always

876

cross check with the website when you can.

877

So in that moment, I'm on the phone

with Trey and I'm looking it up the

878

time, and then I realize it's actually

at 1:00 PM So I think they, they had

879

moved the time and it's actually at

1:00 PM so thank God I made it to

880

church actually 30 minutes early.

881

And in the meantime, Trey was like, Hey,

like, just like talk to me on the phone.

882

Let's talk about a couple

things while he's driving back.

883

And so I'm out there outside the

church talking on the phone and

884

they have this little balcony.

885

And so I just go over and like

lean over the balcony and I'm

886

just like chatting with Trey.

887

And while I'm talking I, my gaze turned.

888

And I look at this like sign that they

have in the very entrance of the church.

889

It's this big sign that says

adoption is the loving option.

890

It was like this big sign in the middle of

the entryway, just like sitting there at

891

this church that we never go to at a time.

892

That you've never been to Mass.

893

Yeah.

894

And like, and there's no context

for why this sign is there.

895

Mm-hmm.

896

And so I'm like, Trey, like I'm on

the phone with him and I'm like,

897

Trey, Trey, there's a sign there.

898

There's a sign in this church.

899

This is what it says.

900

And I'm like, already starting to tear up.

901

And he's like, oh my gosh, Mari.

902

And I'm like, this is my billboard.

903

Like I just felt it in my heart.

904

I had chills over my body.

905

I was like, you've been

praying for the billboard.

906

This is my billboard.

907

I was like, do you

think that there's like.

908

Like that.

909

This sign is up at every

Catholic church this weekend.

910

And he's like, no, no, Mari,

like, this is so random.

911

Like this whole like, just

like adoption sign is.

912

Standing there in the middle

of this entryway of the

913

church, like this is for you.

914

And I think what's crazy is that

one, that it's this random church

915

that we never go to mass there.

916

We never go to church to,

and it's this random time.

917

And like the fact that you

had to get there early Yes.

918

Accidentally.

919

Because if you, if Mass actually

920

rushed into mass six minutes late.

921

Yep.

922

Ne missed the sign completely.

923

Then on the way out it

would've been crowded and Yep.

924

You would've just walked out,

which is, and you would've walked

925

right by it and never seen it.

926

'cause of the crowds and just like

getting on, moving on with your day.

927

And that's exactly what would've happened.

928

'cause when I walked into the church,

I rushed through and I didn't see

929

it and I walked right past it.

930

Yeah.

931

Like I rushed in 'cause

I thought I was late.

932

Mm-hmm.

933

And the only reason I saw it

was 'cause I walked back out and

934

there was nobody in the entryway.

935

Yeah.

936

But then when I actually went

to Mass and then we all got out.

937

I couldn't see the sign anymore

because people were covering it.

938

Yep.

939

'cause it was so crowded.

940

Mm-hmm.

941

And so literally like the

Lord, like got me there early.

942

Yeah.

943

To see this sign while you

were on the phone with me.

944

Yeah.

945

Yeah.

946

That was awesome.

947

You could experience it together.

948

And so, you know, we're on the phone

like just excited, kind of like crying,

949

but like we're not able to be in person.

950

So we're like, okay,

wait till you get home.

951

And then I'm like, okay,

I gotta go to mass.

952

I wanted to spend some time praying.

953

So I'm like, okay, I gotta go.

954

And I, and I walk back into the church

and the moment I walk back into the

955

church, I see this huge, our Lady

of Guadalupe statue in the church,

956

which is beautiful and and stunning.

957

And the colors of this statue are very

vibrant and they're just like particular

958

shades of our Lady of Guadalupe.

959

Um, and it reminded me, it took me back

to this like power powerful like prayer

960

experience that I had a year and a half.

961

Before like, or two years before, like

a year and a half into our infertility

962

journey was when I publicly shared

on Instagram that we were struggling.

963

And after sharing that publicly,

like that was, that was really hard

964

for me to basically accept and like

embrace this as part of my story.

965

And sharing that really

like allowed me to do that.

966

And the moment I posted, I was home

alone and I just like broke down crying.

967

And there's this image we have in

our home of our Lady of Guadalupe.

968

And so I went and I nail, I knelt

down in front of her and I just

969

like asked her for comfort and for

mothering in this moment of suffering.

970

And I was like, mom, I need you to

show me some sort of sign that I'm

971

going to be a mom one day because

like, I can't keep going with this.

972

Like uncertainty of like, are

we ever going to be parents?

973

Is this ever going to work?

974

And the very next day in the morning, I

open my phone scrolling on Instagram as

975

I do, and the first thing that pops up

is this reel of an artist that I, I had

976

never followed or anything never heard of.

977

And it was this painting, this watercolor

painting of our Lady of Guadalupe,

978

these beautiful, vibrant colors.

979

But the thing that caught my attention

immediately was our Lady of Guadalupe,

980

the way she was depicted in this

painting, her face looks exactly like me.

981

Like exactly like crazy.

982

It's hard to explain you

guys, but like, it looks like

983

someone took a picture of me.

984

Painted me in a watercolor and like put

our Lady of Guadalupe's outfit on me.

985

Like, it's like my face, it's my hair

color, it's the length of my hair.

986

It's like the wispy ends

that I have on my hair.

987

It's my skin color, like the

features, the shape of my face.

988

Everything.

989

Yeah.

990

Like I stopped immediately 'cause

I was like, that looks like me.

991

And it's our lady Guadalupe.

992

And in this painting she has her

arms wrapped around three children.

993

And in that moment, like I knew in my

heart that this was my answered prayer

994

where our lady was like, it's okay.

995

You will be a mom.

996

Like you're gonna be a mom one day.

997

You can rest in that fact.

998

And what's crazy is like the

three children in this painting

999

are all different races.

00:46:30,150 --> 00:46:33,450

And so there was a little sliver

in my heart in that moment, right?

00:46:33,450 --> 00:46:37,140

A year and a half into the

journey where I thought like.

00:46:37,770 --> 00:46:41,580

That I was gonna be called

to be an adoptive mother, and

00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:42,580

at that moment I was like.

00:46:43,305 --> 00:46:45,465

Okay, we're gonna set that aside.

00:46:45,465 --> 00:46:48,975

Like we're gonna focus on the fact

that I'm gonna be a mom and then

00:46:48,975 --> 00:46:50,295

we'll get to the other part later.

00:46:50,295 --> 00:46:50,355

Yeah.

00:46:50,355 --> 00:46:50,745

Right.

00:46:51,375 --> 00:46:54,975

But as I walk back into this church,

okay, now fast forward to this fall

00:46:54,975 --> 00:46:58,995

and I walk back into this church and I

see that Our Lady Guadalupe statue, and

00:46:58,995 --> 00:47:02,985

for some reason like the, those colors

of that statue like brought me back to

00:47:02,985 --> 00:47:06,795

this prayer experience and reminded me

and I had kind of, I had not thought

00:47:06,795 --> 00:47:08,205

about that moment in a really long time.

00:47:08,210 --> 00:47:08,260

Mm-hmm.

00:47:08,340 --> 00:47:09,975

And it totally connected them in my head.

00:47:10,365 --> 00:47:13,155

And it was like this extra

confirmation where our lady was like,

00:47:13,155 --> 00:47:16,520

see, like I planted the seed like

three years ago or two years ago.

00:47:17,175 --> 00:47:19,845

Like I told you, like I

told you you'd be a mom.

00:47:20,175 --> 00:47:23,655

And like, here I am again, like

confirming this call that the Lord

00:47:23,655 --> 00:47:26,445

has for your family of adoption.

00:47:26,445 --> 00:47:29,295

Like, I'm right here and I've been

right here with you the whole time.

00:47:29,595 --> 00:47:33,195

And in that moment, in my head and my

heart, like I literally, I just felt

00:47:33,195 --> 00:47:38,145

like I like saw like the last like four

years of our journey, like speeds through

00:47:38,175 --> 00:47:40,185

like all these images like in my head.

00:47:40,185 --> 00:47:41,865

And it just felt like the Lord was like.

00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:44,100

This is your story.

00:47:44,190 --> 00:47:45,720

Yeah, this was always the plan.

00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:48,480

Like this was always your story, Mari.

00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:53,550

Like I think anybody that is going

through something like this or going

00:47:53,550 --> 00:47:58,110

through unexpected health journeys

or grief, like you never think this

00:47:58,110 --> 00:47:59,520

is gonna be a part of your life.

00:47:59,520 --> 00:47:59,910

Right.

00:48:00,210 --> 00:48:03,240

And so I think especially the

first few years of our journey.

00:48:04,005 --> 00:48:08,055

I like, could not accept that

this was part of our story.

00:48:08,055 --> 00:48:10,215

And I kept telling the

Lord that he messed up.

00:48:10,215 --> 00:48:14,535

Like I felt like he had swapped my story

with someone else's and like he, he'd

00:48:15,105 --> 00:48:17,265

forgotten to keep writing my story.

00:48:17,295 --> 00:48:17,385

Yeah.

00:48:17,625 --> 00:48:18,015

Right.

00:48:18,015 --> 00:48:22,275

And like there was so much prayer

that like got me to a place to where

00:48:22,275 --> 00:48:25,095

I like recognized like, okay, like

the Lord is working in our life.

00:48:25,095 --> 00:48:28,155

But even still there was that

like, how could this be my story?

00:48:28,155 --> 00:48:29,310

It's all this like unknown too.

00:48:29,730 --> 00:48:30,390

All this unknown.

00:48:30,585 --> 00:48:30,735

Yeah.

00:48:30,975 --> 00:48:33,735

So in that moment the Lord

is like, this is your story.

00:48:33,735 --> 00:48:35,055

This has always been your story.

00:48:35,055 --> 00:48:36,585

I have always planned this for you.

00:48:36,585 --> 00:48:42,345

Like I have never left and have never

forgotten you in any part of your journey.

00:48:43,005 --> 00:48:44,775

And like you have.

00:48:45,135 --> 00:48:46,665

Adoptive children.

00:48:47,025 --> 00:48:47,325

Yeah.

00:48:47,655 --> 00:48:51,795

Like, and you would've never found them if

I hadn't brought you through this journey.

00:48:51,855 --> 00:48:51,945

Mm-hmm.

00:48:52,185 --> 00:48:53,505

And it all came together.

00:48:53,505 --> 00:48:57,105

So, I mean, you can imagine that

mass was like so emotional for me.

00:48:57,105 --> 00:49:00,915

I'm like here by myself, just

like crying in my pew at this like

00:49:01,155 --> 00:49:04,575

Spanish mass at this church that

we've like never gone to mass to.

00:49:04,755 --> 00:49:04,815

Yeah.

00:49:05,715 --> 00:49:07,035

And then the craziest part.

00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:12,630

The craziest part you guys

was, this all happened on St.

00:49:12,630 --> 00:49:17,880

Carlo Acutis Feast Day, like four

days after you had prayed for St.

00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:18,840

Carlo, didn't intercede for you?

00:49:19,140 --> 00:49:23,370

I walk outta mass and I get in the

car and I look up the date because

00:49:23,370 --> 00:49:27,270

something in me was like, maybe

the priest mentioned it at Mass.

00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:28,410

Either way.

00:49:29,130 --> 00:49:29,700

I don't know.

00:49:30,060 --> 00:49:33,690

Either way, something was mentioned

and then I looked at the date

00:49:33,690 --> 00:49:37,425

and I was like, oh my gosh, it's

Saint Carlos's, feasted, feasted.

00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:40,530

And it all came together and

was like, he answered my prayer.

00:49:40,890 --> 00:49:41,220

Wow.

00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:44,550

Like the saints are real, you

guys, the saints are real.

00:49:44,580 --> 00:49:44,880

Yeah.

00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:49,890

They hear our prayers and they pray for

us, and so I was just like so pumped.

00:49:49,950 --> 00:49:52,410

And Trey got home that

day from a silent retreat.

00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:57,390

And the whole next day we went on

this like day, day up to the mountains

00:49:57,390 --> 00:49:59,280

and just like debriefed, like yeah.

00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:02,610

Everything that happened

the past year and yeah.

00:50:02,670 --> 00:50:06,030

And then like that day we made

the decision, okay, like we are

00:50:06,030 --> 00:50:09,750

adopting, like we want this so bad.

00:50:09,750 --> 00:50:12,060

God's clearly calling us to adoption.

00:50:12,065 --> 00:50:12,095

Mm-hmm.

00:50:12,355 --> 00:50:16,530

And at that point let's, we felt in our

hearts, like we have kids out there.

00:50:16,530 --> 00:50:16,890

Yeah.

00:50:17,370 --> 00:50:22,350

And it's this weird like parental

like mama bear feeling now where I'm

00:50:22,350 --> 00:50:25,015

like, I know my kids are out there

and like I have to go find them.

00:50:25,015 --> 00:50:25,295

Mm-hmm.

00:50:25,710 --> 00:50:28,380

Like we gotta get this process started

'cause I gotta go pick up my babies.

00:50:28,410 --> 00:50:28,740

Yep.

00:50:29,370 --> 00:50:32,880

And then the final decision was,

okay, we know we're called to

00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,700

adoption, we know we desire is

of this and this is what we want.

00:50:36,060 --> 00:50:36,960

This is plan A.

00:50:37,620 --> 00:50:41,460

The next option is like, okay,

there's either international adoption.

00:50:41,460 --> 00:50:43,550

And at that point we had

narrowed it down to Colombia.

00:50:43,860 --> 00:50:43,980

Yeah.

00:50:43,980 --> 00:50:46,295

'cause that's where Mars family's

from and that's where I was born.

00:50:47,190 --> 00:50:47,490

Yep.

00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,310

And it's just like a

beautiful family culture.

00:50:50,310 --> 00:50:50,610

Right?

00:50:50,670 --> 00:50:50,880

Yeah.

00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,200

And it happens to also be.

00:50:52,635 --> 00:50:56,535

The, one of the easier countries for

international adoption, especially in

00:50:56,535 --> 00:51:01,755

Latin America or just domestic newborn

adoption here in the United States.

00:51:01,845 --> 00:51:06,375

Yeah, so we were discerning and

praying through and trying to make

00:51:06,375 --> 00:51:08,655

this decision of which to take.

00:51:09,495 --> 00:51:14,085

And it was crazy, like a week after

we decided that we were adopting, I

00:51:14,085 --> 00:51:17,385

got a call from my grandma and she's

telling me that she's gonna sell like

00:51:17,415 --> 00:51:20,895

my dad's childhood home, which is

like the house that like we grew up

00:51:21,195 --> 00:51:23,265

going to whenever we visited Colombia.

00:51:23,715 --> 00:51:27,255

Um, and it's very meaningful to

me and I'd always wanted to take

00:51:27,255 --> 00:51:31,695

Trey there and take him to Colombia

and like go to my grandma's house.

00:51:31,695 --> 00:51:33,645

And so when she told me she's

selling her house and she has a

00:51:33,645 --> 00:51:35,025

buyer and everything, I was like.

00:51:35,985 --> 00:51:41,445

What, like we can't let this opportunity

go by like, Trey has to go see this

00:51:41,445 --> 00:51:43,755

house and like, it was just like a lot.

00:51:43,965 --> 00:51:46,935

It was hard for me to think of that

like Trey would've never gotten to see

00:51:46,935 --> 00:51:48,825

this place that meant so much to me.

00:51:49,425 --> 00:51:53,655

And so all of a sudden I was like, if

we want, if I want Trey to go see this

00:51:53,655 --> 00:51:55,905

house, like we gotta fly to Colombia like.

00:51:57,135 --> 00:51:58,305

Like now, you know?

00:51:58,305 --> 00:51:59,115

Like, really soon.

00:51:59,235 --> 00:51:59,295

Yeah.

00:51:59,655 --> 00:52:02,865

And so I was like, okay, well

like maybe next month we can go

00:52:02,865 --> 00:52:03,855

and we'll have to start planning.

00:52:03,855 --> 00:52:05,415

Like already, that felt super soon to me.

00:52:05,415 --> 00:52:09,795

I mean, Colombia is like, you

know, a whole different continent.

00:52:09,825 --> 00:52:13,275

Like it just felt like

this like huge, huge trip.

00:52:13,275 --> 00:52:13,605

Right.

00:52:13,605 --> 00:52:15,435

And I was like, there's no

way we can get out there.

00:52:15,795 --> 00:52:19,035

And then my dad happened to have

a business trip coming up and

00:52:19,035 --> 00:52:22,815

so he called me and he was like,

I'm flying to Colombia tomorrow.

00:52:23,955 --> 00:52:25,035

Do you wanna come with me?

00:52:25,725 --> 00:52:27,045

Like, I'm already going.

00:52:27,105 --> 00:52:28,365

You and Rey can just come.

00:52:28,365 --> 00:52:29,475

It'll be easy.

00:52:29,955 --> 00:52:30,975

But I'm leaving tomorrow.

00:52:31,185 --> 00:52:31,425

Yeah.

00:52:31,515 --> 00:52:33,525

And I'm like, why are you telling

me this with the last mom and dad?

00:52:34,245 --> 00:52:38,325

But for some reason it didn't

seem crazy to me in that moment.

00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:38,620

No.

00:52:38,620 --> 00:52:41,420

Like, there was like you, you brought,

there was some sort of piece about it.

00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,385

You brought this up to me,

you're like, should we go?

00:52:44,385 --> 00:52:44,925

And I was like.

00:52:46,605 --> 00:52:47,985

I, I don't see why not.

00:52:47,985 --> 00:52:52,035

Like, I, like there was just this like

peace and this like desire and this just

00:52:52,755 --> 00:52:54,285

peace is the only way to describe it.

00:52:54,585 --> 00:52:59,265

So five days after we made the decision

that we were gonna adopt, we decided,

00:52:59,265 --> 00:53:03,315

we booked a flight at like midnight or

00:53:03,705 --> 00:53:03,945

Yeah.

00:53:03,945 --> 00:53:06,495

Literally Trey bought the flight and

checked into the flight when he bought it.

00:53:06,525 --> 00:53:06,885

Yes.

00:53:06,930 --> 00:53:08,430

And so, and we literally

flew the next day.

00:53:08,450 --> 00:53:09,945

And so we literally flew the next day.

00:53:09,945 --> 00:53:12,975

We took a red eye, we flew to

Colombia and we spent a week there

00:53:12,975 --> 00:53:18,015

with my family spending such quality

time with my grandma, my aunts,

00:53:18,015 --> 00:53:19,845

my uncles, my little cousins.

00:53:19,875 --> 00:53:21,135

It was amazing.

00:53:21,195 --> 00:53:21,535

It was so fun.

00:53:21,535 --> 00:53:25,070

Gotta see the house he grew up

in and yeah, it was beautiful and

00:53:25,070 --> 00:53:28,785

something, and all the while, like,

we're just holding this in our hearts

00:53:29,205 --> 00:53:30,915

that we know we're gonna adopt.

00:53:30,945 --> 00:53:34,185

We don't know if it's gonna be

domestic in, uh, United States

00:53:34,185 --> 00:53:35,835

or Colombian International.

00:53:35,925 --> 00:53:36,135

Mm-hmm.

00:53:36,915 --> 00:53:41,835

And this whole week while we're there,

like, I mean you kept bringing up like.

00:53:42,405 --> 00:53:42,705

Alright.

00:53:42,705 --> 00:53:44,415

Like, I want Colombian babies.

00:53:44,415 --> 00:53:44,475

Yeah.

00:53:44,745 --> 00:53:45,675

That's where my heart was.

00:53:45,675 --> 00:53:48,855

I was, my heart was like more

towards the Colombian babies.

00:53:48,945 --> 00:53:50,175

And you were excited about it?

00:53:50,175 --> 00:53:51,135

I was so excited about it.

00:53:51,135 --> 00:53:54,925

Like, and again, like I just kept

thinking like, I prayed for Trey

00:53:54,925 --> 00:53:57,925

to be like excited and convicted

about some part of this process.

00:53:58,315 --> 00:54:02,605

And for like the last few months

he couldn't like, let go of like

00:54:02,605 --> 00:54:06,925

this, like for some reason this

interest in like a Hispanic baby.

00:54:06,955 --> 00:54:07,135

Yeah.

00:54:07,135 --> 00:54:10,495

Like the, my first, the first time

I got excited about adoption was

00:54:10,585 --> 00:54:12,805

within the context of a Hispanic Yeah.

00:54:12,805 --> 00:54:13,705

International adoption.

00:54:13,850 --> 00:54:15,835

And then, and that stuck

with me ever since then.

00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:15,870

Mm-hmm.

00:54:15,950 --> 00:54:16,270

Mm-hmm.

00:54:16,705 --> 00:54:19,585

And then being in Colombia, like it

just kept coming up and you're like,

00:54:19,585 --> 00:54:23,095

ma Mari, like, let's not all Colombian

babies, like I want coon babies.

00:54:23,100 --> 00:54:23,270

Yeah.

00:54:23,485 --> 00:54:25,735

And in my heart I was like, okay.

00:54:25,735 --> 00:54:28,675

Like I love that he's

so excited about this.

00:54:28,675 --> 00:54:33,085

And this is obviously where my family's

from and I was feeling excitement

00:54:33,085 --> 00:54:34,285

towards it too, because like.

00:54:34,720 --> 00:54:37,690

Being with my family and my little

cousins, like, it just reminded

00:54:37,690 --> 00:54:40,780

me like Colombian culture is

what feels like family to me.

00:54:40,780 --> 00:54:42,070

That's what I grew up in.

00:54:42,075 --> 00:54:42,165

Mm-hmm.

00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:46,900

And I want that for a child, and I

want that like for our family too.

00:54:46,930 --> 00:54:46,990

Yeah.

00:54:47,410 --> 00:54:51,040

And so I was like growing in this desire,

and yet I still had a little bit in my

00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:55,330

heart that was like, but I know that if

we adopt domestically in the us, like

00:54:55,570 --> 00:54:58,510

we'll be able to go to the hospital

and pick up the baby as a newborn.

00:54:58,930 --> 00:55:00,910

And that was something

I had always desired.

00:55:01,450 --> 00:55:04,360

And I just kind of felt like anytime

I thought that the Lord like just

00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:07,300

placed on my heart, like, trust me.