Hey there, listener! Thank you for checking out our older seasons! We're adding this note on the top of the show notes to keep you up-to-date with the show. Connect with Jen Amos and get bonus content when you subscribe to our private podcast show, Inside the Fort by US VetWealth, at http://insidethefort.com/

Last Updated: September 2, 2024

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103: "We all are seasoned in various ways. Every spouse has something important and valuable to share." Letters of Encouragement for Military Spouses with Lizann Lightfoot

She's known as “The Seasoned Spouse," a professional writer, mother of five, and she's a returning guest: Lizann Lightfoot! We catch up with Lizann and her incredible journey in writing her book, Open When: Letters of Encouragement for Military Spouses. With seasonedspouse.com, Lizann has become an inspiration to young military spouses, and she aspires to give them motivation and encouragement as they're moving through the early stages of their military lives.

Episode Highlights:

• Lizann's journey on writing her book, Open When: Letters of Encouragement for Military Spouses
• A blog dedicated to young spouses
• The power of sharing your story 
• The importance of community support to both seasoned and young spouses
• Two things that people are looking for in challenging situations
• We're not alone, we don't have to do life alone, and you shouldn't do life alone.
• Would Lizann have chosen a different life?

Key Points:

• Be open about your journey because sharing your journey may help other people that might be in a similar situation 
• Seasoned spouses need just as much support as young military spouses 
• There are two things that people are looking for in challenging situations: empathy and connection.

Connect with Lizann:

• Open When: Letters of Encouragement for Military Spouses https://tinyurl.com/OpenWhenAmazon
• Ep. 17 Interview: https://www.holdingdownthefortpodcast.com/episode/lizann-lightfoot
• https://seasonedspouse.com/
• https://www.facebook.com/SeasonedSpouseBlog/
• https://twitter.com/seasonedspouse
• https://www.instagram.com/theseasonedspouse/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/lizann-lightfoot/

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Jen Amos 0:00

All right. Hey, everyone. Welcome to season five of the award winning podcast show holding down the fort. I am your Creator and co host, Jenn Amos. And for Season Five. Once again, I have my amazing co host with me, Jenny Lynch troupe season spouse for 12 years now mom of two boys, mental health advocate, writer. She's just everything. And most of all, she is my friend in person now. So Jenny Lynn, welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 0:24

Hey, glad to be here. Sort of in person. It's great.

Jen Amos 0:28

Speaker 2 2:08

Jen Amos 3:08

Yeah, it's absolutely exciting. And this is part of why I am thrilled to be bringing people from the past and our show, because so much has happened since then. I mean, yeah, you were on the show pre pandemic times. So it's not only see that this book is about to be released, and then your daughter's about to celebrate her second birthday. I think it's just really exciting. And I'm happy to be a part of it or to be a part of your journey. Jenny Lynn, just wanted to see if you had any thoughts. Oh, I

Speaker 1 3:32

Speaker 2 3:55

Well, we also moved in the middle of that I left that, oh, last time I recorded with you, I was in California, we'd been stationed out in San Diego for a couple years. And then my husband got promoted and got new orders. So we moved in the middle of the pandemic to Gulfport, Mississippi, and that's where I'm coming to you from now.

Speaker 1 4:14

Wow. We're in the same place at the same time. I was in San Diego until a month ago. So nice. Yeah,

Jen Amos 4:22

you all could have been friends. I should have introduced you sooner. That's correct. should have started started the show sooner.

Speaker 1 4:28

All referencing Gulfport now to though also a writer. So that's super fun. Cool. Cool.

Jen Amos 4:33

Yeah. One thing I hadn't mentioned too, in our conversation and lizanne is that you are commonly known as the seasoned spouse, and you have the website seasoned spouse calm. And I remember in our conversation back in Episode 17, you know, back pre pandemic times, you created this blog to speak to spouses who were not yet married, you know, that were maybe dating or maybe engaged and let's kind of review that a little bit because I think it's amazing how you know very often I think that A lot of military spouses talk about typically I find that they're already married and writing about their life as a married military spouse. But I love that you haven't already been a seasoned spouse had decided to, you know, really make this blog dedicated to the young spouses. So tell us a little bit more about that, and how that journey has been so far as well with your blog. Yeah,

Speaker 2 5:19

it has definitely been interesting and exciting. I started the blog about five years ago now. And at the time, I didn't fully feel like a seasoned spouse, I had been married, I think maybe just under 10 years, because we're celebrating our 40th anniversary this summer. So I had been with my husband, we dated for a ridiculously long time, seven years of dating while he was in his early stages of military life, so that by the time we finally married, he was nearing the end of his first enlisted contract. But anyway, the reason I first started the blog is because I felt that everyone had experience and valuable stories to share. So it didn't matter if you'd been a military spouse for 20 years, or if you'd been through 17 deployments, or five PCs moves or whatever your stats were, as a military spouse, I really felt that we all had been seasoned in various ways, and everyone has something important and something valuable to share. So that was really my reasoning for calling myself the seasoned spouse after less than a decade of military life. And it's really exciting that I've been able to grow into the brand and really fully embrace it. This is my husband's 20th year in the military, he's still active duty, still doing all the things. And in fact, he extended. So we got a couple years left beyond 20. And it's really exciting to be at that point where now as a seasoned spouse, I can look back and feel that we've kind of done the hard things. And hopefully, I feel like the stressful challenges are mostly over for us. And I want to use my time and my energy to help spouses who are earlier on in that journey, to just kind of show them that there is light at the end of the tunnel that absolutely they can do difficult things they can get through challenges, because I don't think there's anything special or superhuman about me, that helps me navigate some of the challenges that I went through. And I want to give them that motivation and encouragement as they're moving through the early stages of military life.

Jen Amos 7:15

I think that's incredible. And I remember in our conversation, you mentioned that your husband was already had gone on his sixth deployment, when you thought of this idea. And these other spouses, were kind of speaking to you asking for your advice, and you're like, oh, here I am thinking I'm just like an ordinary spouse. But I've been in this life for a long time, and I didn't realize my experiences would be so helpful for people. And I know that a lot of your work is you know, speaking towards military spouses and serving our military community. So I just think it's incredible. And I imagine that for you, it must be very fulfilling to not only, I guess, kind of be open about your own journey, but to know that in sharing your journey, you can help other people as well. And even amplifying our stories.

Speaker 2 7:53

Absolutely, I think at least it gives a little bit of hopefully some sense of reason for why we have to go through these difficult moments. He has done seven deployments now. And I think I came up with the idea for the book during his seventh deployment. And I started thinking about all these little and big challenges that I had faced, and some of them are enormously difficult situations. I talk in the book about giving birth to my son, my third baby, who was born during a deployment, I was alone in the hospital, and there was a hurricane that hit our town at the same time. So not everyone has been through a situation like that. But everyone has been through some type of extremely large storm of military life that is just a whirling pile of stress that you have to figure out on your own. And I hope that by going through some of those difficult moments and some of those challenges, that I can channeled some of that trauma, I guess, or some of that stress and difficulty that I went through, and help others who might be in a similar situation so that they can have that encouragement, they can find ways to get through their own challenges. I'm not at all claiming that I've been through every hard thing that can happen to a military spouse. But I do think that by learning to master those small challenges and those little difficult moments that it makes the big ones a little bit easier to handle.

Jen Amos 9:16

Yeah, thank you for sharing that. And again, I was just thinking about like how appreciative I am to be doing a show where people such as yourself are so willing to be open about you know, these stories, genuine, you've been nodding a lot and so I imagine you have a lot of thoughts and I just want to check in with you.

Speaker 1 9:31

I do have so many thoughts when I find it really interesting that it almost 10 years then you question like, Am I really seasoned enough to be a seasoned spouse? It has been my experience in the 12 and a half years that I've been a spouse that we become seasoned much quicker than we probably give ourselves credit for. You know, the first time I think I sat down in therapist's office and went through like why I was sitting there and I went through the list. They're like, and how old are you? 28? And they're like, Oh, that's a lot. And you know, we have this extraordinary life experience in a very compressed amount of time. And so I just resonated so deeply enough to talk about this like, because I think I was about traveling less than 10 years and and I kind of started putting words to paper on what my experiences have been and had a very similar like, Am I really expert enough to talk about? I don't know, you know, and my experience sounds similar to yours that I have found, the more that I shared my own experience, the more people are willing to share theirs. And you realize, Oh, no, we just do a lot of things in a really short amount of time. And in sharing those stories, it does make it easier to handle those large and small challenges that come along. I also had a child during a deployment, not during a hurricane, but my house caught on fire that day. So there's, I don't remember that detail. that's new for me. Wow. Yeah. You know, so everybody has their thing.

It's crazy. It's always something and I think that's where that imposter syndrome comes from a little bit as a military spouse, because for the longest time, if I even brought up the courage to share that story, because it was a little bit of a traumatic experience at the time, and it was a while before I could talk about it and write about it comfortably. But inevitably, yeah, if you bring up a deployment berth in a room of military spouses, someone else is gonna have been through a similar experience. And they're gonna say, Oh, yeah, I did that, too. And I think that we are around this community that goes through so much, like you said, I think you've worded it very well, just saying a huge amount of difficulties in a compressed amount of time, that we all kind of take it for granted and assume that this is normal, and that everyone should just be handling it fine. Because Oh, well, that's military life. And part of the reason I wanted to write my book, and focus on that message of encouragement is that I think we do each other a disservice when we just kind of shrug it off and say, well, that's how it is sometimes, like we've all been through it, you knew what you signed up for, because that's truly not helpful to someone who's in a difficult circumstance. And I felt that we really needed a different message of encouragement.

Absolutely. I appreciate that so much, because I think you're right, there are times where I think being in circles of solely military spouses, is really helpful and encouraging, because we have similar experience. And also there's a lot of like, yeah, that's just it is what it is. And there's a certain aspect of acceptance that you have to have to do this life. Because there are for sure things that are as they are, like deployment, like workouts, like all of those things. And also the freedom to talk about those, and normalize them, because they are what are normal for us. And also, they are upsetting and hard, and, you know, require a lot of grit and determination and a lot of support. And so I think the more that we can offer that encouragement and be that support system for both, you know, new and seasoned spouses, I've found, often in my journey that while new spouses really mean supportive, like this is what we do. This is what it's like, it really is sometimes this season, spouses would actually need a little more support, because the assumption is you've done this for so long, you should be a pro. And the truth is, every deployment is different. Every duty station is different. Every age, I mean, you have five children I have to and every age of my children has been different and hard in different ways. And so like the level of things that I need from both the military community and my civilian friends has changed, you know, based on where we've lived and what was happening and how old my kids were like, sometimes I need a babysitter. Right now I need a referee, because they're, you know, it's the level of support I needed. Like, someone could play baseball with them at work, like they can feed themselves, but just please keep them from killing one another.

Yeah, I want to add something like, you know, having met Jenny Lynn and her family and Matthew, and your boys for the first time. I won't get into detail. But it was very fun for me to witness your boys. And what they could do in public sometimes and just kind of you and Matthews reaction to it like Oh, just just let them do it. Just let them get it out of their system. Let them do that. And I was like, Oh, that's really interesting. But sometimes you just gotta let boys be boys, right?

I think lively would be the word I would use to describe your meeting our children, my kids

loud. So I'll just I'll just own that adjective that our house is very loud. So I love that you brought up that season. spouses need just as much support because that was actually a conversation that I had with my publisher with my editor as I was developing the book. It's broken in two sections that kind of capture the main categories of military life. And of course, there's a section on deployments, and there's one on PCs moves. And I insisted that the final section needed to be written to seasoned spouses. And it's because they do face different challenges at that stage. And at the time, I wasn't even quite in that stage myself. So I did have to interview some other spouses and find, you know, there's a letter about when your military kids are moving off out of the home, going away to school, and I haven't personally experienced that yet. But I spoke to enough other spouses who talked about having a child go away to college, and what that feels like when your PCs sing, and they won't even be able to return to the home that they've known and things like that, that I hadn't even considered yet. And it is just such a different stage of life. So I wanted to make sure that the book was not just about like sending your boyfriend off to boot camp, or here's what it's like the first time that you have to move, but that military life is very long. And the challenges do change over time. And so if you can't relate to the challenges in one section of the book, absolutely. I think that people can connect with a letter in one of the later sections of the book.

That's awesome. Yeah, you know, on that military season spouse, like thing, I think that as I've watched, I've been really fortunate in my time as military spouse to have more seasoned spouses be mentors and friends of mine, and we have ended up at duty stations, you know, at the same time, and watching some of them move through, like the senior, you know, commands and things, and often sometimes kind of that isolation that may come with that because of their husband's job. And then kind of the inevitable requirements on their life, you know, as a command spouse has been really interesting. And I having observed if you wonder how isolated they actually felt, even though they were surrounded by all these people that they had invited them to their home, because that's what the job require. And like, I think, probably often felt very alone, because they didn't have the deployment stories anymore, because their husband was the one in charge of sending the people out on deployment, but not necessarily when going. But they had to absorb all of that, like tension and chaos that can come with like being the one in charge, even though they're just married to the guy in charge. Like,

yeah, it's

been, it's been fascinating to watch that unfold.

Yeah, and, and that's why that section is, it's written in a little bit of a different tone. It's those letters are very sincere, but they do touch on those topics of isolation, but also just the weight and the responsibility. And I think there's a certain level of exhaustion, it's kind of an emotional exhaustion. That comes, the longer that you stay in military life where you just, like, sure you've done five PCs moves, it's not that you can't move again, but you just are done, you really, really run out of steam and don't want to do it anymore. Whereas like, the younger spouse, going through the first one or two is like it's an adventure, let's just be optimistic about it. And at a certain point, like that message doesn't work anymore. And so I did adjust the message and adjust the tone going throughout the book. But there was something else that you mentioned a couple minutes ago that I wanted to go back to, because you kind of accidentally touched on the secret inside of my book, that after working with spouses for a few years, I've discovered there's really two things that I think everyone is looking for in challenging situations. And I believe it's the same for the younger, newer spouses and also for the seasoned spouses. And the first is just empathy. Someone admitting that, yes, this is actually a stressful situation, and it's hard, and you are allowed to be frustrated with it. Because we don't always get that. And sometimes people are just saying, you know, just suck it up, put on the big girl panties, you'll be fine. But sometimes we really just want someone to say, Wow, that sounds so frustrating, and so hard. And that's got to be really difficult going through that. And the second thing that it seems everyone wants is connection and knowing that they're not alone. In those moments, like sure, I know, I'm not the first military spouse to do a PCs move. I know I'm not the first one that's ever gone through a deployment. But sometimes there is this whole whirlwind of emotions that we can feel about military life and you might feel resentful, or you might feel angry, or you might feel stressed about a little thing that other people might not see as a big deal. And I've found that a lot of spouses are always questioning like, Is this normal? Is this okay? Am I allowed to feel this way? And a huge part of my blog is just acknowledging that yes, it's okay. If given this situation you are feeling this emotion because that's a natural human result. Here's how you can address Here's what you can do about it. But don't feel like you're the only one who has ever been in that situation before.

I'm just listening. I was like, I've been taking everything that you've been saying lizanne. And thank you so much for sharing all that. And if anyone's noticed, like Jen has been quiet, it's because I've just been listening to you both. I've been listening to you, Jenny Lynn, I've been listening to you, Liz and just, you know, exchanged stories of what it's like to be a seasoned spouse. And I really like how you touch upon those two, you know, key words that you said empathy, just kind of being okay, like, allowing yourself to feel your feelings and even allowing other people to feel their feelings, like saying it's okay, that you're upset, it's okay, that you're resentful, you know, and then of course, that connection, just knowing that you're not alone. And one thing I like in the description, if people visit the preorder page on Amazon, once again, the website is tiny, url.com Ford slash open when Amazon, I was reading the description about your book. And at the very end, I'm just going to read this a little description, but I'm going to highlight the last part. So this collection of open when letters is meant to deliver that special message from a friend who understands whenever you need reassurance, helpful ideas, or a simple reminder of your own strength. And the last line really stood out to me, you said, we've got this, because you could have said, you got this right. But you said No, we've got this. And that really stood out to me to remind our spouses and to remind our community that even with all the PCs, even with all the moving even if all the changes, like you really aren't alone. And together, we can do this. And so I just really like how you mentioned that. And maybe that wasn't a big deal to you. But it stood out to me, when you said we've got this as opposed to saying you've got this.

Thank you. I'm glad that you commented on that, because I didn't actually think about the different implications, I do think it means a lot to be still an active member of the community and not reflecting back on my memoirs from, you know, 20 or 30 years ago. But yeah, I am still here actively, you know, I don't want to say in the trenches, but you know, doing the military spouse thing, and I was very much in the midst of military life, like I said, I started writing the manuscript when my husband was doing his seventh deployment. And I wrote a lot of it and did a lot of editing while I was pregnant with our fifth child and preparing for a PCs move. So all of that emotion and sentiment was very much captured in the book. But I think one really interesting decision that my editor made that I originally resisted, because it was a lot of extra work. But I ended up loving it. I had written a lot of it in first person, you know, I did this, I recommend that. And I think for kind of the reasons that you're pointing out, she had a slightly different view that, you know, you need to be speaking more directly to the reader. This is about their experiences, not just something that was an went through, but for the entire military community. So we had to change the entire book to be written in second person. And so every single letter is open when you are in a particular situation open when you're facing this, or when you learn about deployment. And I love it. Now, it was a huge amount of work. But it's not natural, necessarily. We don't spend a lot of time writing in the second person. But it does make it such a personal message that I really do want to meet people wherever they are, and connect with them and say you are feeling this, and I am feeling this. And together, we can face this challenge. So thank you for noticing that.

Yeah, well, I think it's important. I feel like and maybe this is just how this is what I've grown into, thanks to the show is that, you know, we're not an island, like we need to come together collectively to help each other out. Because if we don't, I think that let's say, for example, the imposter syndrome can easily creep in and think, oh, but I don't know, at all. So I can't, I can't be that person. I can't talk about that. But if we really just talk from our personal experiences with the intent of, you know, I mean, one kind of that self healing experience of putting it out there, but to to help others and build that bridge. I just think it's a better experience. And I think again, it reminds us that we're not alone, and that we don't have to do it alone, and you shouldn't do it alone. I know in the decades past, like I think about even the time that my dad served, like it was very much keep it to yourself, you know, like mental health in the 80s. And 90s was like not a thing, you know, and I mean, fortunately, my family had each other, I think for the most part while they served, but are they stuck to the family but in regards to this, you know, getting support from the, you know, community as a whole It was really difficult, I think for them to do it. So I think that we're just in this generation in this time to actually, like just come open candidly and openly to share our experiences and our stories to serve one another and continue to uplift one another.

I want to check in with anyone Any thoughts? Oh, I am just marveling at having to not just edit a book but change the entire tone. As a writer myself, I'm like, Oh my gosh, that is a lot of work. And to like it's something that I read a column as my work self for homeland and San Diego veterans magazine and it is in, in the tone of being somebody who works for a mental health organization. And so it is about like your mental health every month and I really struggle with, am I simply writing about what works for me? Because I'm not trying to should someone else? Or am I writing for, you know, using you much more, because I want it to resonate. And it's interesting to listen to how you and your editor work that out because I just submitted the column and it was I was very particular about using AI because I didn't move on to should people and I'm like,

it does depend on the topic that I will say I mentioned earlier that the book is broken into those main sections of deployment and PCs moves. And we did agree that I would begin each section with a personal. And so that's why like the story of the deployment birth that is written in first person, it's a very personal story, I don't expect anyone else to be necessarily putting themselves in those shoes. But I share that at the beginning of the deployment section so that as people are reading the other letters that are more relatable, you know, open when you first learn that your service member is leaving or open, when you have to tell your kids about deployment, they can kind of understand where I'm coming from and know that you know, I'm not just picking these ideas out of the air, but that I've lived through it. I've tried out different things. I've talked to a lot of people about their suggestions and kind of one way that we solve that problem that you mentioned, of, you know, just applying your own personal experiences to someone else's personal situation is there's a lot of options. It's not, you know, here's a one size fits all answer for every deployment issue. But it's more suggestions of you can try this, or maybe that and some people like to do it this way. I'm a big believer that people need to do what works for them. And I certainly wouldn't want anyone to be trying to copy my life or do things exactly the way that I have. But I think it's great to throw out 10 different ideas. And if one of them works for someone and helps make their life a little bit easier than that's absolutely a success.

Yeah, that actually reminds me of going back to Episode 17, when we first spoke, and we kind of made this comment of like, Oh, yeah, there are a ton of like resources out there. And you know, some people might get a paralysis by analysis, because of like, all the things that's available, but you know what it's like, if there's that one resource out of, you know, the pile of hay, you know, that one needle, that actually helps you, then you've done something, right. And so, you know, to continue to amplify our stories and resources. And you know, what's available, I think it's worth doing and hence why here we are 100 plus episodes later on holding down the fort still doing this, because I haven't had one person reach out and say, Hey, that was not useful, you know, like something is held one way or another, even if it was to make a new connection. And I'm just really glad to be able to provide that space and be a part of the space, you know, for our community. One thing that I appreciate about both of you, and just hearing your stories is just how you know, again, to repeat the word seasoned you are in this military life. And yet how humble you both are, like how humble and how willing you are to help the community because, you know, just like what you said, genuine, like, you don't want to show people you don't want to tell them what to do. Because, you know, just like what you both had mentioned, everyone has a different situation, every PCs is different for everyone. There's not like a cookie cutter way to, you know, get it done. And so I just really appreciate that. And I hope that this show continues to amplify personalities such as yours, you know, to be able to be like, yeah, we're genuinely here to help you. Because in helping you It helps us as well. And so with that being said, I do have a question for both of you, starting with you lizanne. Would you have chosen a different life? If you would have like, if you had the chance to would you have chosen a different life? And then genuine, I'll ask you afterward as well. But any thoughts on that? Considering just this crazy journey? Would you have chosen a different life if you could have?

Possibly Yeah, it's not an easy life. And my history with my husband is long, but I guess to sum up, I met him before military life. And when we were dating, he was actually going to go into the police force. And I spent the first year of our dating experience trying decide whether I was cut out to be a police officer. Wow. And struggled with that for a bit. You know, it's a stressful life. And there's danger and all these things. Yeah. And then long story short, there was a paperwork issue with his application, and they were going to delay it for another year. And he turned around and said, Well, I can't wait for another year to join the police department. I'm just going to join the Marine Corps infantry instead. So he did that right before September 11. And then September 11 happened. And I spent the next two years of our relationship trying to decide how in the world I could handle being a military spouse with all the stress, the danger and the worldwide craziness that was happening at that time. So I would have loved to have an option to choose a different life. But I'd already chosen him. And so yeah, he had chosen the military. And I will be fair that initially, he was only supposed to do the eight years of the enlisted contract. And by the time we got married, he was almost done, and he was gonna get out. And then the 2008 economic crash happened and find jobs. And so we ended up remaining, and here we are 20 years later. So I don't think it's necessarily a life that I sought out. And I certainly even when I married him, knowing what he had been through, he'd been through several deployments at that point, even on our wedding day, we weren't planning to have military kids, we weren't planning to go through PCs moves. It was not a life that we were intending to live together. I'm very happy that we are still together. But it definitely has been a challenging one. So I don't know, in a perfect world, yeah, if if he could be happy and be fulfilled in a different job, it would definitely be less stressful for me. But I have embraced this lifestyle. I have absolutely loved the military community and the friends that we've made, and that's why we're still here and why I'm still serving our community. Well, you know, thank

you for sharing all of that. And, you know, it's not like we look at a military life like, yeah, I want to sign up for that. I want to sign up for PCs thing every two, three years, I want to like have a kid while my you know, husband is out deployed, like, yeah, I want all that. Yes, I will sign up, right. But like, obviously, you take it as you comes. And I'm just so glad again, that you have this book, to be able to speak to spouses at different stages of life. Gentlemen, just thought I would ask you the same question if would you have chosen a different life if you had the opportunity to?

Oh, man, well, I think I suppose I had a slightly more choice than lizanne. And that I had, until I met and married my husband, I had always dated people that I grew up with, or that were friends or friends. And I met Matthew about a month into his very first duty stations, and he had done boot camp in a school and a station here in Virginia Beach. And so I obviously knew he was in the military when I met him, and quite honestly, was like, Alright, well, let's see that. I mean, I grew up in Hampton Roads. And so the military was always something that was here. But because I grew up a little more inland, it wasn't part of my daily life. And so there was a certain like, oh, being from Hampton Roads, and like dating someone in the military, like kind of brought all like, I finally felt like I got the whole experience of Hampton Roads, like not just you know, I was now attached a part of what made the community that community. And so, you know, it was one of those, I think I just kind of jumped in with both feet, I found it both exciting and slightly terrifying. And also, my mom likes to remind me that it like, they're really wise age of 16, I said, I was never going to marry anyone in the military. And lo and behold, we've been married for 12 years, we have two kids, and we've done up to you CSS and all of the things. There are a lot of things that I wish were not part of my military story. But I don't think I would choose differently. Because of all of the community. It's brought me.

Yeah. Oh, wow. That's so deep. Thank you, Jalen, and Roseanne for sharing that. Yeah. And, you know, I think about even for myself, obviously, I didn't have a choice. I was born into this life as a military child for the first decade. And then, you know, coming back 20 years to be involved in work with my husband and the military community. And it's like, you know, I think to myself, like, often I forget that and genuine and I talk about this a lot, like, often I forget that, you know, only less than 1% of Americans serve. So even though everything we're doing is so normalized. The average civilian is quite fascinated with our lives. They're like, wait, you've got here, you've gotten there, like, you haven't stayed in one place till you're 18. And then you decide to leave home to go to college somewhere. You know, the only person that, at least amongst my siblings, my sister was the only one who was sort of fortunate enough to do that at five years old. You know, she was born in San Diego. And then when dad had passed, she was already five when we went back to San Diego. And, you know, she was raised up till she was 18. And she was like, I want to leave, you know. And for me, it's funny because she ended up being the world traveler, and I'm here like, I just want to say, but like, I'm tired. I'm tired. Can I just stay somewhere? Even though like the last decade of my life, I've been like moving every two to three years still, even though I'm not in the military. I think it just kind of sticks with you. But all that being said, I'm so glad to have been part of the military community and continue to contribute because I think that one thing that I feel like you both exude for me is his presence like radical presence. And really being where you're at right now with, you know, the people that's close to you, your loved ones and just really trying to be the change that you want to see or continuing To be a servant leader, you know of our community or whatever community means for you, whether it's your local community or the military community. And so yeah, I like this community a lot. You know, I think that's why I was drawn to my husband, you know, after he had served and everything.

Yeah, I just want to thank you for bringing that up. And just to say that, I think a huge part of my passion and my heart for the military community is trying to be that voice of support and encouragement and friendship that I needed at certain moments of military life and didn't always have. And, you know, not to blame anyone, there was no shortcoming. But I think that we all absolutely at certain moments need someone to kind of hold our hand someone to be there. And a lot of times, military spouses don't have that. And that's part of why I started my blog. It's the main reason that I write for this community. And it's what motivated me to share a book with them. So I hope that it is a useful and helpful service.

Yeah, absolutely. And so just as a reminder, to our listeners, you can pre order a copy of Dan's book open when letters of encouragement for military spouses, it'll release in September 21 2021. But you can pre order it now at the website, tiny url.com. forward slash open when Amazon, I just need to clarify, my publisher is Elva Raisa publishing company, you can always get the book through their site as well after the release date. But you can pre order on Amazon, I figured that was the easiest link for anyone to use or share. But it's technically available online, wherever books are sold. Perfect. All right. And before we wrap up, lizanne, I just want to thank you personally, for writing my husband's story in the reserve and National Guard magazine, in case anyone wants to check it out. It is titled, so this is actually written on my husband, Scott R. Tucker. And I like how you titled this, or I like the magazine wrote this, whether it was you or the team, collectively, but the article is titled this West Point grad has a new approach to wealth management. And I'm not going to spoil it here. I think it's worth checking it out yourselves. You all can visit the website, reserve National Guard calm. But was that thank you for that. And I thought it was kind of interesting. I remember reaching out to you personally on LinkedIn to thank you. And it was almost like odd for you. Because you mentioned like, you know, I don't really hear a lot of feedback whenever I get my articles published. So

yeah, it was actually it was a really fun interview. I remember talking to him. And I remember how energetic But yeah, I really do appreciate your feedback and that ability to make that connection with you as well. Because Yeah, freelance writers, we kind of send our work out into the world. And we hope that it touches people, and we hope that it impacts their lives. But you don't usually get very many personal responses back except for the hit or miss comments on social media. So it's very nice to have a personal connection and someone acknowledging, you know, Hey, thanks for taking the time to write this story. And I really do I love sharing the stories from our military community, the veterans, the spouses, I think everyone has a great story to share.

Yeah, well, thank you for that. I think often because Scott often finds himself in like Navy towns that he feels like that loner army guy. So it's nice to at least bring light, I think to the army community in the sense. So yeah, just thank you, again, for being able to write that piece. I think it was very well written. And I encourage anyone to check it out. And any more of Dan's work. So feel free to check that all out. And remember that she also has a blog website is seasoned spouse calm. And I think that's it. I think we're gonna wrap up here. So Roseanne Lightfoot, it's been a pleasure bringing you back on the show two years later, mom of five and your daughter's about to turn two. And I'm just really excited to stay connected with you and be in community with you. And I look forward to the release of your book. So thanks again for joining us.

Thank you so much for having me. I too. I'm super excited about the books release. And I just appreciate you sharing that message.

Yeah, absolutely. And of course, Jenny Lynn, I know we didn't meet in person today. But thank you for being here. Glad to be here. You know, I love these. I know you do. This show wouldn't be possible. If it wasn't for you. I feel like nowadays. So thank you for just that continual accountability and just love for having these conversations. It really means a lot to me. And it gives me that validation. So again, the whole we got this, you know, I think theme was what we're talking about today. So to our listeners, thank you so much for being part of our conversation and we look forward to speaking with you and the next episode. Tune in next time.