One of the most difficult things to accomplish in life is to change from one thing to another. Often times, we know what we are supposed to do, but there's this resistance that keeps us in our cycles. Why is that the case?

Join Temi Siyanbade, keynote speaker and attorney as she unpacks the source of this resistance and hope for how we might be able to push through.

Hi, everyone. Temi here. And today we're

going to be talking about why it's so

hard to change and what we can do about

it. All right, so tight.

Hey, everybody, it's Tammy here. And

today what I wanted to talk about is I

wanted to take a moment to talk about why

it's so difficult for us to change.

So I am a

recovering procrastinator, kind of. Well,

I've I've done things where I haven't

procrastinated before. I procrastinate

quite a bit. So the recovering

part, I don't know if I'm in remission,

'cause I again, I still procrastinate on

things. But that's besides the point. The

point of today's thing is why it's so

hard to change. Now, as I've said before,

I'm not by any means an expert, but I'm a

thinker and so I'm gonna share what I've

thought about when it comes to this. And

I think when it comes to change, the

thing that's really challenging is the

fact that we are going against what feels

normal in our bodies.

Right. Oftentimes we have developed

habits. We've learned things from our

environment, from our lives,

from our natural personality traits

that make us do things because and and

they've become normal. They feel normal.

The the thoughts in our mind sound

normal, right? And so that becomes our

norm. But then when we wanna change,

we're we're usually trying to change

actions in the midst of feelings and

habits that feel. Normal. So for

example, for me, one of the things that I

struggle with is like going to bed at a

decent hour. I'm a night owl, and it

feels normal and it feels natural to

me to stay up late. I know you early

birds are like, she's crazy. That's just

me. Like, it feels very normal to be

like, OK, it's 11, it's midnight. Let's

start. Let's let's have the ideas flow.

There's an author, Daniel Pink, he talks

about this. He talks about kind of the

different types of people and the way

that they function and kind of adjusting

the day to fit your natural timeline or

timetable. And so, again, I tend to be

somebody who's a night owl. However, the

profession that I've chosen to be in, the

fact that I'm an entrepreneur, life often

says that, hey, you need to be a little

bit more of an early riser. And so I have

to navigate changing from

a night owl to somebody who wakes up a

little bit earlier, to somebody who is

able to get things done at an earlier

place, to be able to serve the people

that I want to serve. And the challenge

for me is, again, the feeling of normalcy

that comes from the habits that I've

established. So it feels normal for

me. To start, later in the day, it feels

normal for me to have thoughts

and ideas late at night. It feels

normal to me. And so I continue to

progress in that, that flow of

normalcy. But I have to

recognize and be conscious enough and

intentional enough to say even though

this feels normal to me, it's not

what I want to do, and so I have to do

things that feel abnormal.

Right. And no one talks about, like,

doing things that don't feel normal to

you. It's like, OK, do you feel peace?

And, I mean, you definitely should feel

peace. I think that's a completely

different topic. But in terms of some of

the habits that we're trying to change,

we have to push against what feels

regular to us. So it might feel regular

to us to eat a certain type of food at

night. It might feel regular to us to

speak to people a certain way. Maybe

you're on this entrepreneurial journey.

That's a big one. And you have a way of

speaking to people, like a way of

addressing your clients. Or

addressing people where it's like, you

know what, I don't take no nonsense. I'm

not mad at you for that, but what I want

you to think about, if you're being

intentional, is if that

still serves you. Right. That

response that feels normal to you, Is

that still serving the purpose of where

you're trying to be?If it is, please

continue, but if it doesn't align, the

question that you have to ask yourself

is, do I want this result enough to

change?If I want this

result enough, will I say yes?

To the abnormality of being

different than what's in my comfort zone,

right? For some of you that's going to

look like, you know, talking to more

people, right? Putting yourself out

there, maybe you're not a big networker,

but the the, the type of work that you've

chosen to do requires that, well, guess

what? That's going to be an area where

you're going to have to change and it's

not going to feel normal to you. Change

doesn't come from us feeling normal.

Change comes from us doing things that

don't feel normal over and over again

until they become normal, right? And

every now and then they don't become

normal. But you make a decision to

because you understand the divine power

of choice that you've been given. And you

recognize that that

discomfort doesn't mean a lack of choice,

right? Like, because I don't like the way

this choice feels doesn't mean it's still

not a choice. It's still a

choice. You might be stuck

between a rock and a hard place, but it's

still a choice. It's still a rock and a

hard place. There's still two different

things you can choose.

That's one thing that we've all been

given the ability. We always have the

power of choice. And I'm not here to give

any judgment towards any choice. I just

want you to know that it's your power,

it's in your hands to choose.

And so when it comes to change, it is in

our hands to choose whether we're going

to choose comfort. You

know, or if we're going to choose change

and success and to to to

evolve. It's a

conscious decision. It's not easy. I'm

trying to make it every day and I know

that you are too. And so that's why I'm

here. Just trying to encourage you.

You're not alone and you're not crazy.

You're not crazy for feeling this way.

Again, I've said this before in other

videos. You're human, you're human if

changing. Feels

strange if it's not normal

to you. But you can

be courageous and say, despite how I

feel, I'm still going to do it because

I've thought about it. I'm being

intentional and thoughtful about these

things. I think the other mindset that

can kind of help when it comes to the

element of change and feeling comfortable

with it is also recognizing that you can

change for a moment to test something

out. And and be genuine in your

testing of it out. I know sometimes

people do things to say, hey, I tried,

but they're not really actually trying.

But to really be genuine about trying

something out and allowing the data, the

response from those attempts to to help

inform your future choices. Right.

So I'm going to try to be consistent with

my networking for the next month, for the

next two months, for the next three

months. I'm going to try. And I'm not

even going to try. I'm going to be

consistent. I'm going to make a decision

every day that yes, I don't feel like it,

but I'm not even thinking about how I

feel. My decision, my choice is not going

to be based off of how I feel because I

already know that the feeling that I'm

going to feel is going to not be normal,

right? Like, I already know I'm not going

to like it, but I'm choosing to look

beyond it, all right? I'm

choosing to endure. Because of what I'm

saying my focus on.

I hope that makes sense. All right.

That's all I have for today. I hope this

is helpful. Please let me know and if

there are any other things that you want

me to talk about, you know, just drop the

questions in the description or in the

comment section below and we'll talk

about it. All right. That's all bye.