What if faith was never meant to be complicated?

In this honest episode of the Collide Podcast, we sit down with Kelsey Jenney, a longtime Young Life staff member, speaker, and certified Spiritual Director, to talk about what it looks like to keep our relationship with God simple - especially in seasons when prayers feel unanswered and hope feels hard to hold. Through meaningful conversation (and a little talk about guacamole, hummus, and peanut butter), we explore what it looks like to welcome God into the ache, practice the ministry of presence, and rest in a faith rooted in relationship rather than striving. Whether you’re weary, questioning, or longing for deeper connection, this episode will remind you that God is near—and simplicity can be sacred.

Meet Kelsey Jenney

Kelsey is a longtime Young Life staff member with over 20 years of ministry experience, currently serving in disability ministry through Young Life Capernaum while also traveling, speaking, and hosting retreats. She is a certified Spiritual Director and is pursuing a Master’s in Spiritual Formation at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. Kelsey is passionate about prayer, spiritual formation, and creating space for authentic encounters with God rooted in presence rather than performance.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

1. Why keeping the gospel simple matters in real life
2. A mantra to hold onto when prayers feel unanswered
3. How to hold hope in the ache without rushing past pain
4. What the ministry of presence looks like in everyday faith
5. How imaginative prayer and spiritual consent invite deeper connection with God

All the Best – Connect with Jesus and find peace through guided reflections on Mary and Martha’s story, helping you overcome distraction, worry, and comparison.

Personal and Powerful Bible Study - Explores how God shows up in our lives in ways that are both deeply personal and undeniably powerful.

Connect with Jenny - Website | Instagram

Connect with Willow - Website | Instagram | Facebook

Pre-Order Willow’s New Book!

Collide: Running into Healing When Life Hands You Hurt

Follow and Support Collide

🌐 Visit our website for upcoming conferences, helpful resources, and encouragement for women pursuing healing, purpose, and deeper faith.

📲 Follow along on Facebook and Instagram

🛍️ Shop for good at the Collide Store

💛 Give today online or Venmo to impact lives

📬 Subscribe to our Newsletter and be the first to hear about new episodes, blog posts, events, and resources and more!

Hey, friend. Welcome to the Collide Podcast. I'm so glad you hopped on today.

I have to tell you that this interview that I just had with Kelsey Jenny, the woman with two first names, we laughed, we cried, and we had a collision with Jesus. We talked about guacamole and. And hung out with her goldendoodles. I mean, all the things happen in this episode. Take a listen.

Kelsey Jenny, I love that we're starting this recording. Laughing. It is so great to have you on the podcast. I've stalked you. I love that you love guacamole because I love guacamole.

I'm kind of, like, weirded out. Not in a bad way, but you're like, I can never have enough peanut butter hummus or guacamole.

Moly, you like to dip stuff or do you just eat that stuff on spoons?

Huge dipper. All day long.

A dip on the daily. I love that so much. You have been on staff with young life for 20 years, which is an incredible amount of students that you've had contact with.

I used to be in high school ministry and college ministry, so I don't know if you're starting to feel this, but I did those things, like, 20 and 30 years ago, and now when I run into them and, like, they have kids graduating from high school and weird stuff like that, I'm like, oh, my gosh. I'm like a great great grandmother.

It is crazy. I'm like, I remember sitting in the basement with you when you're in eighth grade and now you're getting married. Wild, right?

Oh, my goodness. So crazy. And you've done a ton of work with the ministry Capernaum. Can you share a little bit about that ministry and just the.

The things that it's done to your heart?

Yeah, totally. I was a traditional area director, so working with traditional high school and middle school students for about nine years.

And I would substitute teach a lot just to kind of, you know, be in the school and get to know kids and that kind of thing. And in a lot of the self contained classrooms.

So our special ed classrooms, there weren't a lot of substitutes either available or it seemed like they always had openings. So I started substituting and realized there was something there that I was drawn into and just like, utterly fell in love with.

I started volunteering with adults with disabilities at my church at a Sunday school class that they teach called Potter's Wheel. It's.

I would say the average age is 55 to 60, and there's about 75 to 100 now, adults that come anything from cognitive, emotional, physical disabilities. And I just. I felt like when I walked into the space of disability, I walked into a real community.

It was a place that I think my heart came alive in because it was real. I just felt and sensed joy in a way I hadn't before, and. And then just authenticity, like through and through.

And so what happened was I felt deeply passionate about the disability world, which was shocking to me after nine years in traditional ministry to high school and middle school students. And so started Capernaum, and it has. So we're in our 11th year now. Ages 14 to 26 is what we serve. We have a great partnership with our church.

It's been incredible. But 11 years, we just had our talent show where everyone gets to show off, you know, singing and dancing.

I mean, it's like joy on steroids that night. It's so fun.

Oh, my gosh. I want to fly to where you are. You're in Minnesota.

Is that where you are?

Michigan. Yeah. Michigan. I knew it was. It was an M. It was an M word.

Exactly.

Exactly.

But it is.

I want to come.

Yes, it is a place where I'm not. We have a leader who started leading with us about a year ago, and he would say he's like, when do you stop crying here? Because it's.

It's just unlike any other place. And I think what our friends offer. Yes. Can they be manipulative and have an agenda and all those things? Absolutely. We're all human.

But every Tuesday night, we do, like, a sharing time where our friends can, you know, just talk about their week movies. They saw that kind of stuff before. We really get into, like, talking about Jesus.

And every week, without fail, one of our friends says something so wildly honest and refreshing and truthful and the way that the community rallies around them, you know, people pray instantly for each other, and there's just joy about real things. It's funny. It's one of the things I say all the time is I realized on Tuesday nights, I don't care what I wear, you know?

You know, like, as women, we show up and we're like, I want to feel good. I want to. You know, this looks good, whatever.

It's the place I think about what I wear the least, because I know it doesn't matter when I show up on Tuesday nights, I am just really enveloped into real joy and life and friendship. And it has. It has probably been the ministry that has changed me the most. And I always say it's the most selfish ministry I'VE ever been part of.

I just had such a good time.

And the way that our friends experience Jesus and speak about him, it's unbelievably real. And the way that they exude the Lord is unbelievably real.

And so it really has been a ministry that has, I would say, easily changed the trajectory of my life. Yeah, so it's been amazing.

Tell me a little bit more about that. You obviously are talking to. You call them your friends. You're talking to your friends about the gospel.

And I would imagine that it's maybe changed the way you share the gospel in a way that all people can understand. What has that done for you? I ask because I have a friend who talks about this. His brothers has down syndrome.

And he's like, if the gospel can't make sense to someone with down syndrome, then, you know, like.

And he, that's what he's learned from his brother is like, let's like stop over complicating like the love of Jesus, because my brother with down syndrome needs to understand. So what, how has this changed how you explain the good news of Jesus?

I think two ways. I think the first is I've gotten really comfortable at knowing that the Holy Spirit's at work and I'm not in charge or in control. Like I.

And especially as a speaker and a spiritual director and someone who leads retreats, you want to know that people like you and understand what you're saying and are having a good time or, you.

Know, think you're smart, whatever. Like your thing is.

And some of our friends are completely nonverbal. I will have no idea what they have been speaking to the, to the Lord about or what the Holy Spirit has been speaking to them about.

But what I can tell you is when they draw, when my friend Danny drew him and Jesus holding hands, I was like, that's it, you know, non verbally that the Lord wants to hold you. Like, I mean it's still to this day is like. I think we try to cerebrally understand something that is staunched in mystery.

And I'm so deeply grateful for a community of friends that I trust that the Holy Spirit's at work and I get to see slivers of his goodness in ways that don't necessarily reiterate my worth and value, but remind me again who the Lord is.

And so it has just been one of the sweetest postures I think of my life to ask the Holy Spirit to show up and show off and know a lot of the stories that the Lord will reveal to me.

I won't get this side of eternity, you know, and that's really good for me to know that the Lord's doing the work and I'm just the one who gets to be in the midst of it all.

And then I think the other way too, honestly, is that our posture towards each other in kindness and in love and in joy and in comfort is actually a lot more. I think of the way that Jesus lived and moved and breathed on Earth.

I don't think, yes, the Sermon on the Mount's incredible, and it's important, you know, all that, but I don't think a fancy sermon is really what I want to live or breathe anymore. I don't think I need to be the smartest, most woo woo person in the room in terms of, like, what I give away.

I want to be someone who is an agent of peace and joy. And a lot of times I'll ask myself, like, if the Lord was in the room, what's the posture that he would take here?

You know, it's not so much what I'm about to say or necessarily the smart thing I want to give away that I heard on a podcast or that I read in a book, but instead, what is my posture, you know, towards the person in front of me? And that's the gospel. Right. The Holy Spirit lives in me, and I get to be a helping hand or a reassuring face.

I get to be someone who prays quickly or offers, extends, loves. Love is an invitation in and the gospel. Right.

You know, so being at Capernaum is some of my favorite ways to experience Jesus, because I think it's the most real ways that I get to experience him, which is, again, such a gift to me. So. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, even when you describe that kid drawing a picture of Jesus holding his hand, I mean, what a beautiful gift that you got to see that. But it also, you know, really, really reminds me of Jesus saying, like, having faith like a child, they come to me like these little ones.

Yes.

And I think as adults, we've made things so complicated.

And on some level, when does it become about, you know, grabbing Jesus hand and plopping up in his lap and being like, hey, I'm your kid, and like, I just want to hang out with you. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I could see where doing that work would be so refreshing for your own soul.

Like, you sign up because you think you're going to help them, but really, like, they're completely ministering to you. Yes.

And I mean that the Lord. I mean, for 30 years, our God practiced presence before he ever performed a miracle.

You know, like, for 30 years, Jesus learned what it was like to be with the others in his community and in his family and in his friend circles. And I think we've lost or sometimes forget that. Presence really is a palpable way of explaining who the Lord is, you know, and that's.

Yeah, there's something really tender about just being invited in that way with the Lord of. Yeah, it's not about our performance. It's really about his presence.

And that, to me, is wildly reassuring on the days where I don't think I'm good enough or smart enough or, you know, have enough wisdom to share that it really is present. So it's been a really tender thing for me.

Yeah, I think that's a really helpful reminder for people listening because a lot of women feel like, I gotta do this and I gotta do that, and I haven't started this, and I have this goal and I haven't, you know, applied for to go back to school or I haven't started that nonprofit, or I haven't started the first chapter of the book I want to write or whatever it is. And you just reminded us that our. Our Jesus, who changed the entire world and continues to change lives, took 30 years to, like, almost prep. Like.

Like get ready.

Totally. I love that.

It's like Mark one is one of my favorite stories. It's like three verses. Peter heals or Jesus heals Peter's mother in law. It's so simple. It's. But he. No words are exchanged. He comes and he finds her.

He holds her hand and he helps her up. She had a fever, and it's one of the miracles. I don't think gets a lot of airtime. Right.

But all it was was presence, you know, it's slow and it's steady and it's. I mean, so countercultural. Right. Which is also our Jesus.

Like, to just defy every norm to go to a woman's bedroom in that time, you know, period would have been crazy.

But, you know, I picture him always, like, standing in the doorway and, you know, she kind of consents to the presence and activity of Jesus in her life, which is also, you know, true of presence, that we're consenting to that we're saying yes to Jesus as we move and live and breathe, that his presence is with us. And I just love the small movements.

He comes to find her, he holds her hand and he helps her up, you know, and her fever leaves her and then she goes and makes the meal right.

That the thing that she thinks she's supposed to be doing and can't be doing is changed utterly because she says yes to the presence of Jesus, to our knowledge and mark, no words are exchanged. And that's. It's been such a tender reminder to me of what presence really is with our God. Yes, Lord, I want more of you.

Yes, Jesus, I need you here, you know, and he fills in the gaps because he's the Lord, right? I mean, I'm so thankful for that.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and pulled in a hundred different directions? Do you struggle with comparison, perfectionism and managing the constant hustle? Do you feel like you're failing to hold everything together?

Maybe it's time to take a step back and focus on what's truly important.

We have gathered wisdom and insights from a group of amazing women to create a seven part devotional called all the Best that will help you connect with Jesus and find peace and restoration.

Through guided reflection on the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10, you'll gain insight into how to overcome distractions, worry, comparison and more. This devotional will help you understand what Jesus meant when he said, she has chosen what is best.

Don't wait any longer to invest in your relationship with Jesus. Order our devotional today and discover the joy and peace that comes from choosing what is best.

Click on the link in the show notes to grab your copy of our all the Best devotional today.

And he fills in the gaps because he's the Lord, right? I mean, I'm so thankful for that.

Let's talk about this for a little bit. When you talk about consenting to the presence of God, I've actually never heard this concept before, so I'm loving it.

Kelsey, what do you think that looks like? Does that look like us asking for God's presence? Does that look like us assuming God's presence? I mean, because there's a lot.

What's the opposite of consent? Pushing it away, saying no to it, ignoring it.

I mean, tell us a little bit more about what does it look like to really consent to God's presence in our lives?

Yeah, there's a welcoming prayer and I'm gonna forget it's Thomas Keating's maybe, but it's welcome Jesus, welcome. And that's. It really is. If you, if you kind of dumb down the prayer, essentially you just, welcome Jesus, welcome.

And when I think of consenting to the presence and activity of Jesus in my life, it is in every moment being aware that he is closer than my very breath. That the God of the universe. I have every ounce of his attention on me. Like, I just.

When I'm at the grocery store and when I'm driving my car and when I'm, you know, holding my dog, like.

Like, just so, you know, people listening, she just lifted up her dog. I see a dog nose right now. Just so, you know.

Yeah. Like I'm saying, welcome, Jesus. Welcome. Like, welcome to the goodness of this day. Welcome to the hardship of what I don't know how to fix.

Welcome to the fact that I feel mundane and ordinary and not put together today. Just welcome. I. I love dogs and had my. His name was Milo. He passed away a couple of years ago.

And one of the things I did that is kind of in my picture of the way that I consider consenting is he. If you know anything about dogs, you have to, you know, get them groomed, especially golden doodles. They've got a lot of hair.

And so when he got wildly sick and couldn't go to the groomer, it just was too stressful. But I wanted him to have a bath. Like, you know, he had. We do that every four weeks.

And so it was, you know, felt like it was important in his wheelhouse. And so I, you know, Googled every mobile groomer I could find and just said, I'd just love for you to come. And he's a large dog.

And so we finally found one guy, and he showed up that day. And, you know, I walked out. Milo was with me, and, you know, he passed away a couple months later. And so, you know, very, very sick and old.

And I said, you know, I just want him to feel good. I want him to have a bath. I don't care what he looks like, you know, that kind of thing. And the guy's name was Gabe.

And Gabe looked at me and he said, let me tell you, I'm not working for Milo today, or even for you. He said, I'm working with what Milo will allow me to do. And in that moment on my driveway, I thought, oh, my gosh. And so is my God.

My God is working with everything I'm willing and allowing him to do in my life. The hidden, broken parts of me I don't even want exposed yet. The joyful, good parts of me, I mean, but afraid to speak out loud, right?

The ways that I feel way too much with all my hair, you know. And, like, my big laugh and all.

That kind of stuff. And the ways I feel way too small, and my inadequacies of not being married or not having kids. And. But the Lord is. If he.

If I have every ounce of his attention on me, he is willing to work with every single place in my life that I'm allowing him access to. But welcome, Jesus.

Welcome is the posture that I want to take in my world, that I do want to consent to the presence and activity of Jesus in my life because I don't want to manipulate and I don't want to have an agenda and I don't want to try to figure out my own way. I want to trust that the Lord is and willing and waiting and welcoming himself to come with every single thing I'm experiencing.

And so sometimes, honestly, Willow, in places where I don't know what to do, my simple prayer will be, lord, would you just. I am willing. Will you just come here? You know, I don't whether it's know what to say or what to do, you know, even response to an email, I just.

I want to consent and I want to be open to the fact that the Lord will know better than what I will know how to do. And so that's kind of the way that I picture consent is really with Milo and with Gabe, the groomer. So, yeah, you know, you're clearly a.

Spiritual director for a reason, because we're getting into some spiritual direction here and you're spiritual directing us without me even pointing out that this is what you do. And so I want to mention that for people listening, because we're going to get into that a little bit more.

When you talk about this idea of welcoming God, I'm curious if you could help us identify some of the reasons, if we were to get really honest, why we don't want to welcome him into certain rooms in our house.

Yeah, absolutely.

And I don't mean our actual house. I mean internal house.

Not good in the kitchen. Yeah, totally, totally.

I mean, right now, you wouldn't actually want to go into my house, but yes.

You know what? I think for each person there is. I would say we are very similar to Adam and Eve.

Right.

We like kind of what we've created or feel like we're a part of. I think for a lot of us, we withhold because we're unsure of what actually offering the extent, the full extent of who we are.

I think for so many of us, shame plays a huge part in that. As if we would change the real truth that the Lord loves us and knows us and calls us by name.

I think what's so jarring to me about even you Know, I'm obsessed with Genesis 1 through 3. Obsessed. Like, you can ask anyone who's ever. I mean, it's just like, I'm struck and I'm stuck, and I stayed there forever.

But if I really believed that, the Lord calls me very good right at the end of Genesis 1. The way that I say it to kids and to adults is that we are the best of the best of the very, very best that Go has ever made.

And that's more than any sunset you've ever seen or, you know, mountainscape, and has nothing to do with what you've achieved or accomplished. It's not how you feel about yourself. It is a fact that you are declared very good by the voice of God, who I say, wad you into existence. Right?

Spoke you into existence. If I believed that, then allowing the Lord into my life is saying to him, you know me. You understand me. You designed and created me.

Come and be with me. But I think for so many of us, we live like Eve, and I would argue Adam as well.

Although, you know, he didn't say much in Genesis 3, but there's that.

He didn't say much. A male who didn't say much. Crazy.

I was like, come on, Adam.

Okay, so this lines up. This lines up.

It's just like twinges of doubt and uncertainty and fear and scarcity. I mean, so often Jesus says to his disciples, oh, you don't remember and you've forgotten.

And I don't actually think for very, very many of us, we're trying to withhold from the Lord. I just think there's things in our life we've gotten used to.

There's narratives and stories and accolades and ways that we make ourselves feel the best of the best of the very, very best. That tov meod that very good in Genesis that the Lord's like, I never told you that, right?

Like, if you think about with Adam and Eve, when, you know, sin enters the world and, you know, things break apart, they put fig leaves on themselves.

Like, the dumbest thing for clothes. I mean, can you imagine? They're trying to, like, sew pants. They're just like, I don't know. I guess this is fine, right?

It's like, I'd go hold a whole tree, man. I would literally just hold a tree.

Like a palm tree. Feels like that might offer a little more coverage. You know what I mean?

But the question is, what have you sewn to yourself that doesn't belong, right? And for us to be so honest about that in front of Jesus that is, I think, scary, and I think it's uncertain.

I think for a lot of us, we like the story we've designed and created. We like the space between God and us because it feels safe or there's some security there.

And I just wonder for each of us if the fig leaves that we've attached to ourselves, the Lord's like, I never put that there.

I don't want that for you. Or, I didn't have that for you.

And so the fact that we feel like we've got to muster it up and make it work, and I think all of those are fig leaves sewn to us that the Lord's like, if you would just welcome me, I could show you more of who you're designed and created to be and what I have for you in this world. I just think for so many of us, the uncertainty of that right, the will the Lord really fulfill his promises is a huge doubt in our mind.

You know, very similar to all the people in the Old Testament. Like, will God really love me and care about me?

And, you know, even if I simply said to him, like, I don't like the person in front of me, like, what if that's the truest thing you said to God today? I don't like my co worker or my sister or my friend. I don't understand my neighbor, right?

That that's actually the starting point between you and God being welcome to. To each other. It's not pretending. Like, because we think to be Christians, we have to like everybody. The truth is we have hard things in our world.

We don't need to make those work. We simply get to say to the God of the universe, like, I want to welcome you here because I can't figure it out on my own.

But I think sometimes even that, even saying to the Lord, I doubt, I'm uncertain. I think sometimes that feels like a huge risk for a lot of us.

You know, well, letting people in, in our past hasn't always worked out and we've been hurt. And so do we want to let God into the mess? Do we want to let him into the shame? Do we want to let him into the thing we're really angry about?

Or whatever it is, I think can be really hard for us. When people come to a spiritual director, I feel like, and I could be wrong, you can put me in my place.

I feel like people either come because they're actually feeling a little lost, like it's hard to find God right now in their life, or they actually are seeking direction in their life. How do you help a person who feels a little like, I can't find my way or I sense there's more, but I'm not able to locate it or find it?

Like, how do you guide someone?

Yeah, that's a great question. And I think for most people there's a desire for more. I think for most people it feels like there's a barrier to more.

I've realized now, meeting with women now for about a year and a half, mostly women. I've met with some men as well. I would say it's mostly women that I meet with.

But a lot of the conversation is, I didn't know I could just tell him that, Right? Like, I didn't know that I could just say the hard thing and tell the Lord I'm frustrated or I'm angry. I mean, much to your point earlier, it's.

It's scary to do that, especially to the God of the universe, right? We kind of come at him with like, please, please, please. I love you so much.

I kind of don't like this, but please, please, please.

I think what's really sweet in direction is I trust that the Holy Spirit is the one that's speaking, and it's a lot of questions. Just, can you tell me more about that? Can you help me see that? We dive into.

We do a lot of imaginative prayer in Scripture too, that the stories of people in the Bible come alive in our life in a new and different way. And honestly, I mean, I think what I was drawn to in direction was the Holy Spirit really is the one doing the work.

And so I'll feel a prompting or a nudge or a question, which I really do feel like the Lord's like, why don't you ask that? Or say this or move forward in this space and see what bubbles up. A lot of it is asking people to just simply go a layer deeper.

And sometimes that's almost just the only thing they need. Whether it's to discern something or ask for more of the Lord or kind of figure out where they are in the world.

With Jesus, it's just simply saying, can you tell me a little more about that? Can you go one layer deeper? Right.

A lot of times when we answer questions, we kind of stop at what we know is whether it's socially acceptable and Christendom acceptable.

But in a trusted being, just two souls in God's presence, being able to say, can you just tell me what you think the Lord would say back to you about that? Or what do you want The Lord to speak to you or say to you?

And even just, just stepping that layer deeper, asking one more question is really the on ramp into really what the Lord, I think, is saying to people. And I think just having a trusted voice to process that with. Without agenda, right? Without like, we're not going to solve something today.

We're just going to ask more questions. In God's presence is, I think, for a lot of people, a really welcoming place to be.

And I think different than those spaces we oftentimes show up in. I always say this, and it's not a knock on Beth Moore. I love her so much, so much.

But I think we got used to more of that Bible study question and answer, right? Like, there has to be a question and then there has to be this, like, very specific answer.

And I think what's been really sweet is, yes, that's appropriate.

And it's also okay to wonder in God's presence and to ask big questions and to say what you don't like and what you do love and what you want more of. Right. That all of those things belong.

But I think sometimes having someone help navigate that conversation is really the role of the director inside of what the conversation or time is together. Yeah.

It's interesting because as you talk about your work, I get this image going back to one of the friends that you work with at Convertum who drew the drawing of holding Jesus hand. And I get a picture of you and you're grabbing the hand of someone and you're just walking them one step closer to Jesus.

That's what it seems like you're doing with the work you're doing.

It's gonna make me cry.

I don't know. The Lord just gave me that picture.

But I think Willow, like, that's the refreshing piece for me is like, I never thought this would be my life in a hundred million years. I met the Lord as a high school kid. I had no idea what spiritual direction was when I showed up to.

I went to the Transforming center with Ruth Haley Barton. Like, I was an idiot, you know, I just.

A total idiot.

And so when I think about, like, the fact that I get to be like a soul in God's presence with his people and the change isn't up to me. Right? The decisions aren't up to me. Like, I just get to watch the Lord reveal himself.

Oh, I swear, there's nothing but any sweeter in my whole life, you know, it's just that to know that the Lord really is at work for his people and that's each one of us, you know, that all he wants to do, very similar to Mark 1, is to hold us and to help us, you know, I mean, that's our God through and through. And I think it grieves him in the moments where we think the fig leaves are better.

Right. You know, he's like, oh, I'm the one. I'm the one that you want to be with. So that's so kind of you. Makes me so grateful.

Well, I'm going to ask you a question that I wasn't planning on asking you, and if you don't want to answer it, we can move on.

You're like, I'll edit that out.

You mentioned being single.

Yeah.

And I think. I think that it can be really hard to be single, and I think it can be really hard to be single in the church.

And I'm curious, when we talk about this sort of beautiful relationship that you're helping usher people into with Jesus, have you had to wrestle through or struggle with some kind of lies coming at you? Because I've talked to other single women who. Who have this where it's like, am I not worthy of relationship?

Is there something about me that I'm not worthy of being chosen?

And have you had to do your own sort of, you know, spiritual direction work to move past those lies and enter into feeling fully worthy of relationship?

That's a great question. And honestly doesn't get asked a lot to me. I think what's interesting so more than willing to answer.

And if any man is listening, I just love dogs. I love Jesus, and I love to laugh.

Oh, my gosh. I'm a matchmaker. I've gotten speeches at weddings. I'm willing to watch out.

I always say, I would love a husband. I would love someone to, like, split some bills and, like, you know, shovel some snow. Like, that's my. Like, you know, wow, that might not suck.

You might need to lose those last two lines. Split bills and shovel snow.

I'm like, that's what I want. Oh, my gosh.

No, it's a great question.

So what's interesting, I think, and I've started to maybe unpack this, especially so when I would speak at Young Life Summer Camp, you get a lot of young female volunteer leaders or females on staff, and it becomes like a talking point, I think, which is interesting to me because it's not something I wouldn't say share a lot about, but I've had, because people have Asked. I've had to unpack it a little bit more is maybe what I would say. So. And for those, I mean, I have giant red hair. I have a big laugh.

I'm a very loud gal pal. Right? Like, there's just. And so I've always felt like. And I had a man one time, this was.

I was very young on staff, and he asked the question, and I don't think it was to be confrontational, but he said, like, tell me what kind of guy you think is actually gonna ever be able to handle someone like you? And I remember thinking, oh, it's not good, right? Like, it's too much. I don't fit the mold of, like, the quiet, you know, make the meal.

You don't want me to make the meal like you.

You really don't. Like you would not. We'd all be having peanut butter and jelly.

Like, I'm not, you know, the things that I kind of thought women, you know, especially in Christendom serving were supposed to be. I just never fit that. I would say the word mold, although I know that that's not a real thing. Right.

There's the complexity of who we are as females and what we bring to communities.

I think the interesting thing for me is when he asked that, and it's the truth I share all the time, is, like, if I really believe that I am very good, the best of the best of the very, very best, then my good father, who loves, cares about me, and knows every detail of my life, is not withholding any good thing from me. On certain days, that feels more available than other days. I think.

I think the beautiful thing that the Lord's offered me personally is I haven't had as strong of a desire to have children. I think I'm very logical in that way. I would have a boyfriend, then I'd have a husband, then I'd get married. You know what I mean?

That kind of where I know for other single women, the real pain point is, is the desire for family. And by God's grace, I have, you know, have had hilarious large dogs and, you know, just consider, you know, all the, like, loving mothering.

Now I'll give the caveat. I know dogs aren't children, so I don't. Don't come at me.

But what I am saying is, like.

The nurturing component of that. Have a great family, have incredible friends. I still think on some days, the ache of what I long for is real.

And in those places is where I get to say back to the Lord, like, would you Just tell me who I am again. And the fact that while this isn't what I would have carved out for me, that you do still deeply love me and have the very best for me.

Because I am your best. And those are a lot more of my wrestlings is the mystery of what I thought my life would be like.

And at almost 42, my life is nothing like what I thought it would be. I can see so much goodness in that willow, like, to the point where I can't believe that I get to do what I get to do alongside of our God and for our God.

And with our God on days, it is overwhelming to me what I get to stand in front of alongside of Jesus as he moves and lives and breathes.

And then on other days, I'd like to cuddle up with someone on a couch and watch a great show, you know? And so I think when the pain point gets to be the lie, who's going to ever handle me? I just get to say my God gets to handle me.

And he does it with such joy and goodness and deep love for me.That nothing else will fulfill me the way that he does, you know? And those are the days that I think I really get to see the presence of my Jesus as he holds me, you know, and reminds me.

Yeah.

That what I long for isn't lost. It might not just be here yet, but that he'll stand in that place for me in a way that I could never ask or imagine if I'll let him, you know?

And those are the days I feel real grateful. Yeah.

And I think I've had a lot of women over time say to me, like, you show us what life, you know, could be like without somebody, you know, which is kind of funny because I'm like, okay, but that doesn't mean I don't want somebody.

But I don't want my life to start when and if that happens. I'm so grateful for the little funny.

I always say the little funny life I've been given today, you know, is good for me, and for that, I'm deeply grateful. So.

Well, you had me tearing up over here, Kelsey, and that doesn't happen a lot on the podcast. Here's what I want to reflect back to you, that I just heard you say, that is so beautiful and so deep and such an invitation for all of us.

You reminded us of a promise. My father's not withholding any good thing. That could literally become a mantra for every single person listening.

My father is not withholding from me any good Thing, my father's not withholding from me any good thing. Thing. My father's not withholding from me any good thing. But you also were very real about the ache.

And I think there's this thing we do as Christians where we either have such an ache that we can't see the good in God.

Yes.

And we just get bitter and mad and push him away and all the things, or we do the opposite and we just kind of slap some sort of, like, spiritual platitude over. Right. Our circumstance. And we're not real about the true ache.

And I think what you just did is you invited us into this deeply true place of I have a real ache and longing for something, and yet I know this to be true about my God. And that is a very hard but beautiful place to live in the tension of for all of us when we haven't maybe gotten something that we long for.

Yeah, absolutely.

Right.

Yeah.

So I. I mean, I thank you for that. That. I mean, you just, you know, preached all day long in about five minutes.

Bless the Lord, is what I'll say.

I know you and I could. We should be instant friends. So I'm actually.

I'm gonna make some calls today, try to get you to move out here and meet somebody you can shovel snow with. It only snows here, like, once a year, though, so. Hey, that's big, girl.

My last question for you, because I know we could talk all day, is you mentioned a few minutes ago this idea of imaginative prayer. I'm familiar with it, but there might be people listening who aren't, and I'm wondering if you'd be willing to close us out in an imaginative prayer.

Yes.

Oh, my gosh, I would love that.

Okay. Hey, girl. Hey. Again, if you want to be my husband, contact Willow.

But now.

I will grill you. I will put you through an interview process.

Boy, you know what we could do, which would be great, is we could do it through Mark one, if that feels good, because we've talked about it. And just to kind of give that back to the Lord. Okay, that'd be great. And then I'll grab it.

Let's do the Mark one collision with Jesus.

Yes. Amen and amen. Yeah. So I'll guide us as if we were in direction together. That might be the best way to do it. So just taking a deep breath in.

And even for myself, just to settle, Lord, for all the things that were spoken and unspoken, Jesus, we do say thank you. And for every person listening, Lord, that has a longing or a mystery or an ache or an uncertainty or a deep joy.

Jesus, in this moment we do say welcome, that we believe that we have the fullness of your attention, Lord, that you are alongside of us offering compassion today and comfort and care in a way that only you can.

And so I'll just ask you maybe.

Just to place yourself. It could be on your couch, just kind of in your mind.

I know some of you are driving or listening to this in different places, but just picturing yourself in a place that feels safe and comfortable. So that could be, like I said, your couch, a big chair outside in the grass, maybe even in your own bedroom, if that's safe and available.

Just a place where it's warm and There's care there and comfort. And maybe even just breathing in a deep breath, maybe into account of four And exhaling to a count of eight.

Just to kind of welcome all of your senses here in this moment, as you picture yourself in a place that is safe and familiar and just hearing the Lord's footsteps coming closer to you, the God of the universe, the One who has designed you very, very good, delighting in you and wanting to be close to you this day. And he stands in the doorway or Maybe a distance away from where you are, and he looks at you, a God that delights in you and a God that knows you, and a God. That loves you deeply and loves you dearly, who just this day wants to be with you. And as you breathe, maybe even just in the silence of your own head and heart, saying to the Lord, welcome Jesus, welcome.

Allowing our God to come a little closer. And for some of you, maybe the Fact that he is there is enough.

And that's good for today, that he can stay a distance away, knowing that love and grace and compassion is still what's being offered, but you are able to say what is true, whether that's anger or frustration, maybe even an unwillingness to want to be with him, knowing that our God still offers his care and concern for you and longs to be with you.

And for those of you who are saying, welcome, Jesus, welcome, picturing the God of the universe stepping closer to you, and I wonder if you could see the compassion on his face, the delight in his heart.

A God who maybe feels warm and welcoming, or a God who's strong, a God who is jovial, or a God who is so sincere with the way that he wants to be with you and very similar to Peter, to Peter's mother in law, as we say, welcome Jesus, welcome.

Feeling the holy, precious touch of the God of The universe as he picks up your hand and maybe even whispering to you, would you just tell me a little bit about it?

Whether that's the pain that won't go away, maybe that's the grief or the loss that feels overwhelming, the ache of singleness or the ache of marriage, or the ache of not having kids or kids that are far away and that might be addiction or pain or just a dream that is coming so close you can't wait to tell the God of the universe about it.

Maybe it's a way you feel frustrated with yourself and the way that you've responded to somebody, and maybe it's the way that somebody's responded to you. But feeling the holy precious touch of a man named Jesus, just wanting to be with you, to hold you as you share with him. Welcome, Jesus, Welcome.

This is where I am this day.

And maybe sensing whether it feels good to share with him or a little scary, maybe it feels unfamiliar as you just unfold a few things that are in your world lately.

Noticing a God that's not hurried, a God that's not quick to move on, but a God that's offering deep comfort and presence, just presence with you, a soul with the one who loves you deeply and loves you dearly. And as you share with the Lord, feeling him, maybe even just kind of moving to help you sit up, to give you strength.

And as you say, welcome Jesus, welcome.

Maybe you and the God of the universe are just sitting alongside the bed like Peter's mother in law, maybe not ready to move too quickly, but telling the Lord this is where I could need or see or ask for your help. This is where I'd love for you not only to hold me, but to help me.

These are the broken, fragmented, dislocated places in my world that I. I would love you to be strong and courageous for me and bigger than I could ask or imagine. Lord Jesus. And maybe even just noticing the God of the universe who not only longs to hold you, but deeply wants to help you.

A God that only wants to come close to you and to be with you and to sit alongside of you, that regardless of what you're experiencing, you are next to a God who loves you deeply and will hold you and will help you in every part of your life. And as you both look at each other again, welcome Jesus, Welcome.

And maybe even just standing up together as you imagine him, and maybe sharing with the Lord one thing that you long to do this day, whether it's to laugh big, to have a good conversation with a friend, to feel the warmth of love by another, or even just to maybe marvel at a good TV show or make an impact in somebody else's world. What's something that you long to do today that you and Jesus could do together?

Maybe it's take a great nap or eat a really good meal, whatever those things are. Maybe just saying to the Lord, come, let's go and be together. Let's marvel at this world and this little funny life of ours.

Nothing's fixed or changed, but maybe even picturing walking yourself out of the room with Jesus, hand in hand, the God who has come because he longs to be with you, restored and redeemed.

Loved.

And rooted in the presence of a savior that doesn't go anywhere, who saves you and who soothes you. I'll invite you to take three deep breaths in and then open your eyes when you're ready.

Kelsey, thank you so much.

Yeah, absolutely.

Thank you for being with us, for making us laugh, making us cry and grabbing our hand and walking us closer to Jesus. I know that there's going to be people who want to follow along with you and what you're up to. How can they do that?

Oh, yeah. So I'm Doodle Diva on Instagram.

Love it.

That was when, like, Instagram had like, you know, like, you had to come up with like quippy names or whatever. So. But I just have never wanted to get rid of it.

And it's doodle because I have golden doodles, which I always like to tell people I had doodles before they were cool.

So. And then, yeah, Doodle Diva. And then my. My website is KelseyJenney.com. jenny is J E N N E Y, which is confusing.

And yes, it is my last name, which is also confusing.

So, you know, the Lord has given me a lot and I'm grateful. Grateful for that complex last name is part of it. So, yeah, but those ways would be great. Yeah.

So thank you, Kelsey. Thank you so much. Yes. Go eat some guacamole, girlfriend. Go dip something, friend.

I hope that you felt like you just had your very own collision with Jesus. And if this episode encouraged you in any way, you have the power to encourage someone else by simply just sharing it.

Like, text this episode to a friend who maybe needs to hear something that was said in this interview. It's amazing how a simple thing can be so hope filled and healing and helpful.

So if you need more podcasts like this, make sure you subscribe so it's in your inbox every single week. And also come check out our website. We have a million bajillion ways that you can keep colliding with Jesus and friend. We will catch you next week.

Friend. I hope that you felt like you just had your very own collision with Jesus.

And if this episode encouraged you in any way, you have the power to encourage someone else by simply just sharing it. Like text this episode to a friend who maybe needs to hear something that was said in this interview.

It's amazing how a simple thing can be so hope filled and healing and helpful. So if you need more podcasts like this, make sure you subscribe so it's in your inbox every single week. And also come check out our website.

We have a million bajillion ways that you can keep colliding with Jesus and friend. We will catch you next week.