You close the laptop after your final session. The house is quiet.

And even though you’ve spent all day talking, you haven’t actually connected with anyone.

That quiet ache you sometimes feel? That’s loneliness. And it’s more common than counsellors admit.

In this heartfelt episode, we’re talking honestly about what it’s like to work alone in private practice - the isolation, the silence, and the subtle way it can creep in.

We’ll explore:

• Why working solo can feel so quietly disconnecting
• Why needing connection doesn’t make you “less professional”
• Realistic ways to bring more warmth, laughter, and community into your working life
• How to make networking feel like making friends, not marketing torture
• Simple ways to stay connected whether you work online or locally

You don’t need to overhaul your diary or become a social butterfly. Just one coffee, one chat, one small step can make a big difference.

You’re a counsellor but you’re a person too. And you were never meant to do this alone.

Links & Resources:

Find '11 Simple Steps to Master Smalltalk' in The Vault: A library of free resources to help you grow your private practice with confidence and ease → Sign up for free

Have you ever finished a long day of sessions, closed your laptop, and then just felt all a bit flat? You know, you've been with people all day, but you haven't actually talked to anybody. You haven't laughed, you haven't had fun, and this is quiet loneliness that creeps in even when you really love your work.

Now, if that sounds familiar, then this episode is for you.

You are listening to the Grow Your Private Practice Show the show for counsellors and therapists in private practice who want to have more connection, not just with clients, but in your working life too. I'm Jane Travis, and today we're gonna talk about how isolated this job can sometimes feel and a few things that you might be able to do about it.

Well, hello, hello, hello and welcome back and if this is your first session, a very big welcome to you as well. I hope that you find this useful. So picture this, you finish your last session, you close your laptop and the house is quiet. Too quiet. You haven't spoken to another adult human, not properly all day.

And the strange thing is you've been with people for hours holding space, listening, doing the work that you are trained to do. But it's not chatting, is it? You know, it's not back and forth conversation. It's, it's certainly not laughter or daft little stories about what happened at the post office or what most of the time it isn't, and when your day ends.

It's not like you can then just go and offload. You know, you are not gonna be able to go to a friend's and have a glass of wine and vent about a session that you've had and you're not gonna do it, or you'll never believe the day I've had chat with your partner. And so even if the day was full, it kind of feels like something's missing.

It's like your job is a bit invisible and yeah, it doesn't feel good. So if that's been happening for you lately, well look, you're not the only one. This work is fantastic. You know, this work is meaningful, but it can also be deeply quiet. You know, especially if you're working from home or if you are working online, it can feel like your whole day.

It's about showing up for other people and not really being seen yourself. And maybe if you are really honest, it's not just the silence that's getting to you, it's the lack of fun. You're not chatting, you're not laughing, you're not having those DAF little moments that lift the mood and make you feel like yourself again.

And after a while that starts to wear on you. You know, it doesn't feel, it doesn't feel dramatic. It doesn't feel urgent, but it just feels a bit flat, you know, a bit gray around the edges, and that's the part I think that no one really talks about. So let's talk about it. Let's talk about that kind of loneliness, the quiet, unexpected kind. And just to be clear, this isn't just an extrovert problem. Absolutely not. Introverts need connection to just in a different way. Maybe, you know, you may not want to be in massive groups or have constant chatter, but you still need witnessing. You need warmth and you need a little bit of laughter. Just one or two human conversations can be enough to refill your cup.

So even if you love solitude like I do, that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel lonely. You are allowed to need people too. So what can you actually do? Well, the good news is that you don't need a big plan, and you definitely don't need to start putting yourself out there in a way that makes you cringe.

So if you're worried, that's what I'm gonna say. I'm not. But there are some small, doable things that can make a real difference. You know, ways to bring more connection into your business life that feel a bit more like you. And here are a few things that have worked for me, and they might just work for you too.

So let's have a little look. So one of the things I would suggest is, well. Let's take a look at networking, but from a different angle. So bear with me here. If the thought of networking makes you cringe, just just hold it, hold your horse horses, because what I want to do is look at networking from a slightly different angle.

So we are looking at networking not as a business strategy, not as a way to get clients. But as a way to meet people and to make new friends, because if you are working from home or online, most of the time, you might be craving a little bit of real life conversation. Something outside the therapy room.

And networking when it's done right, can be exactly that. You know, it's a chance for you to talk and connect and have a laugh with people who also work alone or run small businesses. So in this situation, the real goal here is connection, friendship, you know, just getting to know new and interesting people.

And yes, absolutely. A side effect of that is that people start to know who you are and what you do, and they begin to trust you. And over time, that can lead to referrals or new opportunities for work. But the magic comes when you stop going into it thinking, right, how can I sell myself here and start thinking, oh, I wonder who I might enjoy talking to today.

You know, it's just a shift in mindset from tedious marketing chore to a chance to have a proper conversation with somebody new. Now, I haven't been going regularly to networking for quite a while. I still go occasionally, but I still do meet up with people I met at those early days. You know, I'd go to a networking event.

You'd often end up going for a coffee to get each, get to know each other better, and then you start to be friends and then you carry on being friends and they're still friends. Now I. So they're friends, not because they brought me new clients, but because they became actual proper friends. You know, the kind who say fancy a coffee or do you want to come to this thing with me?

So we can both feel awkward together. And look, if the idea of small talk just makes your stomach flip, I understand. I really do understand. I completely and utterly understand. I'm not a fan of small talk, but small talk is one of those skills that can easily be learn and I've got a brilliant though, I say so myself. I've got a brilliant free guide for you that will help.

It's called 11 Simple Steps to Master Small Talk, and it's available to you for free. In The Vault. Now, if you dunno what the vault is, the vault is a place where I keep lots of different free resources and you can go and grab them. Basically, it's all for counsellors and therapists in private practice.

And this particular thing is full of simple ways to start a conversation without wanting the ground to swallow your whole. So, I'll put the link in the show notes, but it's janetravis.co.uk/thevault so you can go and grab it. And I'm not the only counsellor who's found networking useful. Sarah Dosing my counselling friend and you know, she's been on this podcast several times and she put it perfectly. She said, private practice can feel isolating at times. Going to an in-person networking event has benefited me personally and professionally. Connecting with like-minded people fills my social cup and having spaces to brainstorm self-employment challenges helps me to feel supported and able to tackle whatever obstacles come my way. And isn't that exactly it? It's not just about meeting people, it's about being supported, being inspired, and not having to carry everything by yourself. That's what the real connection gives you.

So if you haven't tried networking or if you haven't tried it for a while, I'm gonna challenge you. Get yourself on Google, look for networking events in your area and go. Go and check it out and let me know how you get on. I'd love to know how you get on so look, even if you only work online. Local really still matters, you know? So even though you entirely work online, being known in your community will still count for something. And sometimes referrals don't come for that from fancy schmancy marketing. Sometimes they come from somebody saying, oh, I think I know someone who might be able to help you.

And when your name feels familiar, that trust is already there. And it doesn't have to take much. Maybe it's going to a community group or a local business event, or just chatting to somebody who knows somebody else. So it helps your practice and it helps you to feel a little bit more rooted in where you live.

So when you are out and about, just chat with people. and I do this all the time. If you know anything about me, you'll know that I go to the cafe a lot for my cake, and whilst I go, I'm talking to the person behind the till. I'm talking to the waitress, I'm talking to somebody at the next table. it is easy when you've got a dog with you as well, isn't it?

If you've got a dog, you'll know about that. But just getting out there and talking a little bit and letting people. Just, just dropping it into conversation. It just helps you to feel part of the area where you are, really help you to, helps you to feel like you belong. And yeah, like I say, the working lunch, I'm a big, big fan of a working lunch and one of the really nice things about it is it's tax deductible, so you can actually, go for a working lunch and get yourself something to eat.

You can also put the mileage there to get from where you live to the. Place you going and back again. so yeah, it's tax deductible. What's not to like, but this is definitely one of my favorite ways to stay connected. The working lunch. So you meet up with someone. So it could be a fellow counsellor or it could be a, you know, a business friend from your local area and you just have a chat about whatever's going on. And remember that you are not alone in this slightly strange career. Now, I used to do this every month with my business bestie, Fifi.

Now she wasn't a counsellor, but she had her own online business. So we'd meet up. And we'd. Talk, we'd have a brainstorm. we might have a bit of a moan, we might have a bit of a laugh, and it always left me feeling really motivated and gave me loads of inspiration to carry on, and it made the rest of the month feel lighter.

It was brilliant for a few reasons. First, the brainstorm will always leave me really inspired and re-energized about my business because let's face it. We're not always feeling really, really energized, are we? So, you know, that extra energy was always really good and I'd always come away with fresh ideas and a bit clear ahead.

And secondly, it was a chance to connect with somebody that I cared about. You know, we'd have a proper chat and we'd share what's really going on and just enjoy the time together. So we were able to do both. And like I say, yes, it's all tax deductible, even the mileage, and it's practical and good for your mental health.

So who is there around you? Either a counsellor, not a counsellor that you can go and meet up with for a bit of a working lunch. And the other thing that's a really good thing to do is to actually go to a counsellor meetup. So sometimes you just want to be with people who speak the same language as you. And you know, you can say holding space, and they know what that means. Now counsellor meetups can be tiny and informal. You know, a coffee, maybe a walk, maybe a chat in a local cafe, or it could be a little bit bigger. Now, I founded and ran the Lincoln Councilors Network and I had something slightly larger. So I used to have, I either had somebody who was a member.

come and talk for the beginning of the session, or I'd get a, an like an expert in, or a, or a, author or somebody like that. So they would talk for the first half and then we'd ask questions and talk about whatever the subject was. And then best part of all, we'd go to weather spoons for some lunch.

So it was really, really good news, and it was, it was great just to have that support, that supported network there. But, you know, it can be. Whatever you want it to be. There are far more of these kind of things around these days, so ask around or have a look on Facebook or do a Google search and see what there is, and if there isn't one near you, why don't you start one?

You know? That's how I began. Just get in touch with a couple of counsellors and just, you know, just be friendly and ask them if they want to go for a coffee and just see how it goes. You know, it's just something that is, it's just a nice thing to do, isn't it? And something else that you can do to get yourself out there and you know, start connecting with some new people is to go to something just for you. Now, it could be that there's a workshop. You know, a local workshop or a retreat or some CPD days or business events, something small, something fun, maybe something where you don't have to be the professional version of yourself.

Now, I would suggest that when you are looking around for, you know, retreats and workshops and things like that, I would look around for. You know, in-person events rather than online. Online's amazing. You know, I've got some great friends that I've met online and some great friends that I chat with online, but when you're feeling a little bit alone, when you're feeling a little bit lonely, when you just want a bit of a laugh, nothing beats meeting somebody face-to-face.

So, like I say, what workshops or retreats or CPD days or business events or what's going on locally. And don't wait till you're desperate for connection. Choose something because it just sounds interesting to you. Or it might be nourishing, or it might just be something that's nearby and you want an excuse to wear shoes that aren't slippers.

So in-person connection doesn't have to be deep and meaningful every time. Sometimes it's enough just to be in the same room as other people. Or something else that you could do that would be, a great way to, you know, get together with other people, other counsellors, and that is you could work on something together.

So you might want to work on a podcast. Or a blog series. Or a mini workshop, or you might want to have a private chat group or something you do with another counsellor, where it's not just about working, it's about connecting. So it doesn't have to be fancy. It doesn't even have to be for public. It doesn't even have to lead anywhere.

It just has to feel like something you are building. Someone else. Something that you're not just doing by yourself. So you get that friendship, you get that support, you get to have, you know, a bit of a chat and a laugh, and that makes all the difference when you work for yourself. And you'll be surprised at how much lighter things feel when you are not the only person who's steering the ship.

So I've given you a few ideas there for different things that you can do to just get out there and help to sort of help to break this feeling of isolation, which is so common for counsellors. It's, it's common for counsellors and it has been like forever, just the nature of the work that we do. Because if you're not feeling good, if you're feeling a bit low, the chances are, you know, maybe you're not burnt out.

Maybe you're not broken. Maybe you're just feeling lonely, and it's okay to say that out loud. You know, you became a counsellor because you care about people. But the thing is. You are a people too, and you deserve connection. You deserve friendship, and you deserve fun. So look, I'm gonna challenge you to just take one small step, maybe message somebody, show up to something, you know, try having a conversation with you with somebody that you don't know yet, even if it feels a bit awkward first.

You don't have to do this on your own. And if you'd like some gentle support to start conversations that don't feel weird or forced. Like I say, I've created a free guide that's going to help you with small talk and that's available for you in the Grow Your Private Practice Vault. And I've put all of the details in the show notes.

So look, being a counsellor, it's a brilliant thing to do. You're doing deep, meaningful work, but it's hard work very often. It's difficult, it's draining, and it's human work, and humans need connection. Not just in their personal lives, but in the quiet spaces between sessions too. Now you became a counsellor because you care about people, but you are a people too. You deserve connection, you deserve friendship, and you deserve to have some fun in your day-to-day life. The things that you work with are often really difficult, and therefore it makes it even more important to get a break from that.

Now you don't need to overhaul your diary or start saying yes, every event under the sun. You know, just choose one small thing. You know, maybe invite somebody out for a coffee or just send one message to somebody, or just start one friendly chat with somebody that you don't know. You know, take one small step from outta that quiet isolation that can sneak in while you're busy holding space for everybody else because you deserve it.

You know, you don't have to do this on your own. You are never meant to. And if you'd like some free resources to help you get started, head on over to the vault. You'll find some simple, practical tools that you can use straight away to grow your practice and reconnect with the joy of your work. So you can sign up for free.

It's at janetravis.co.uk/thevault, I couldn't remember it then. Or check the show notes and you'll be able to find it there. And finally, if this episode has resonated with you, I'd love it if you follow the podcast, leave a quick review or even send it to another therapist who might need to hear it today.

So that's it for me today. Thank you so much for listening. Have a fantastic rest of the day, and I look forward to speaking to you again next time. Bye-bye.