I’m feeling like a broken record this week as I think, “Why are you doing this to yourself again?” This week I’m sharing the familiar cycle I’m in right now that always fills me with doubt and makes me wonder if I should look for a regular job instead.

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Immunity to Change Workshop: https://catmulvihill.com/immunity

Progress Tracker: https://catmulvihill.com/tracker

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Do you ever find yourself working on a project that it starts off really exciting,

but then you think, wait, what have I done to myself?

Why am I putting myself through this again? And it's not

that you don't want the results if you follow through on

this project. It's just that the process itself is rocky.

And the last time you felt this way, you told yourself

you weren't gonna do it again. Mm-hmm. Uh, that's how I am feeling

right now. And this week honestly feels

particularly difficult. So today I'm gonna share

why I feel like a broken record, what this

current struggle is, and also what I am doing about it, because I'm not just

sitting idle and poor me. I am taking

action, but I'm also trying to acknowledge the struggle when I'm experiencing

it. Oh, and if you are new here, welcome. I'm Kat,

and on this podcast, I am sharing behind the scenes as I try

real-time experiments to help me to follow through on what matters and find

momentum as a speaker and a writer. So

today I want to talk about the launch.

So I am currently working on a launch for a

workshop. It's called Immunity to Change, and it's a workshop

that I decided about a month ago I was going to do this because

earlier in the summer in June, I actually ran an in-person version in

Boise, Idaho, as part of a 2-day event

hosted by Jay Clouse. So I ran it with that group of about

40 people. And honestly, I remembered how powerful

that workshop is in the room. People were coming up to me talking

about the breakthroughs that they had, the things that they learned, the insights they

were gaining that they did not expect. And it just, I mean,

one, it was an incredible experience to watch that happen with the people in the

room. And it made me want to make this accessible to

more people and put it out there. So I decided I would run my own

version and then I would put it out there and

hopefully based on the work I've been discussing, folks would

join it. So that's, that's the whole, the whole thinking, right?

And this is where I started a familiar, I'm going to break it

into 10 phases of the

roller coaster. So phase 1 is I get

the idea. I'm gonna do this. This is a great idea. I love it.

Phase 2 is when I just kind of lock in, and this is where I

feel like I have got this. I set up a project in

Notion. I've got everything ready. I'll pick the date. I'll set

everything around like, this is when it's happening, and I've got a real vision. I

feel really locked in and excited. Phase 3

is the Oh wow, this is a, this is a lot of work to get

done for this live event, and I know I can do it, but I'm

starting to feel squeezed, starting to feel the time pressure, and

taking care of regular responsibility feels like a lot on

top of planning and coordinating to run the live event.

Phase 4 is when I actually send the first email

of, this is live. I put it out in the world.

I give myself kind of a self high five and I'm

like, woo, it is out there. Which then leads to phase 5,

which is where I watch my inbox like a

hawk and it's initially crickets.

And this happens every time because also obviously people aren't going to click

the first minute and then buy. And this always,

this always happens. Which leads to phase

6. Called crippling doubt and then

just what have I done to myself? So this is actually

kind of the— this one lingers even when

we get to phase 7, which is getting my first sale

where somebody affirms, yes, this was not a complete waste of

time. And then phase 8 is just, I would call

minor relief, but not

enough. For phase 9, which is me just declaring

that I will never do this to myself again because the stress of watching my

inbox and wondering if anyone is ever going to join the thing I'm doing.

And then phase 10, I repeat it again because later in the future I

forget what it was like when I've got that great idea and

I feel really locked in. It's like I complete— this time will be completely different.

Now, what has happened when I think

about this Whole rollercoaster, which I've

experienced many, many times over, and I've sworn off many times over.

That's why I feel like a broken record. It's the number of times I have

said, I don't think I should put myself through this. I'm not sure

that the way I'm built is cut out for this

type of work where there's just, I'm kind of on

tenterhooks and just wondering, is this gonna work at all?

And I watch the inbox. And I'm just

constantly kind of scanning. I am always

thinking about, okay, what can I do next and what should I be doing? So

it's just, it's not a healthy thing.

Um, the other piece is that I have this

pattern every single time I run

any kind of workshop program or offer a

course or something. I do have real

hesitations, and this is sort of ironic

because these hesitations are, they come from fear.

It is absolutely a psychological roadblock. You know, logical,

knowing what to do. I know what to do. Um, biological, I actually

do. That's the accountability. Preparing for a live workshop helps,

but psychologically, anytime I am promoting

something that I am running myself, I hesitate to

share it widely. I have a fear that I am going to be really

annoying. I've talked about this before on the podcast where I feel like I'm a

burden. I feel like people want to tune me out. And

really, in reality, I think I'm

annoying people and I've sent one

email and I've got one post

on social media, currently Instagram, and one story.

The actual number of people who currently know it's happening,

just from those things where I already feel like, oof, that's a lot,

it's not even remotely close. So there are very few people who actually know what's

going on. So what I'm trying to do

is take my own advice. So this is what I am doing.

One, I do talk about when I'm struggling, so I will share

with You know, friends and colleagues and my partner about

what I'm feeling and why I'm struggling and how it feels. I also journal

to just talk about this because it's just true ups and downs. It is

part of being self-employed, and maybe unless you're a psychopath,

that you are going to have moments of self-doubt and wondering, should I

just go get a job? But in order to overcome

some of those, I also know it's important to take small

Actions that feel sort of safe. They're safe tests where

you can push back against some of these fears that you have.

I also want to ask myself, what

would I do if I were fearless? And I

like to think about other people who just don't hesitate.

They have something that they're offering, and they realize if they don't get the

word out there, there are people who could benefit that are not hearing

about it. So it's in a way, it's a disservice. I also have to

remind myself, and this is what I'm actively doing, and I'm saying it out loud

here, that I truly believe in what I'm doing. I

know, and I have seen the impact in the room. I've

heard from others after the fact, and I also have

experienced this myself. I know how powerful it is to do this work.

And in case anyone is thinking, okay, but I have no idea what you're talking

about. The work itself, this is

what I encourage people to do. The Immunity to Change process is

the framework. It's by other people, and I've been teaching it since

2012. And it is one that helps you to overcome

psychological roadblocks. So I was talking about logical, biological, and psychological.

If you have a psychological roadblock, I recommend Immunity to Change

because it asks questions in a very deliberate 4-step

way. Where you do uncover things you weren't expecting.

The other thing that's ironic about it is telling people, hey, do

you want to come to a workshop and do some sort of difficult work to

uncover things that you might not want to learn about yourself? People

hesitate to actually sign up for that, even if they need it. And so

that's also a reminder that I have to address some of those concerns that people

might have. So those are sort of a lot of the

psychological things, but I do have, I am trying to also support my

brain. So one of the things I am doing, oh, and I don't think I

said this yet, but in addition to

emailing my list, publishing at least a post or two, and more are

coming, I'll talk about that soon, but I am reaching out to people.

I am just one-on-one telling people in my network,

especially people who've been through it before. So people

who attended the June workshop recently and have told me

how powerful it was. I'm letting them know, hey, I'm doing a

virtual version. This is when it's happening. If there are people you know

and you're willing to share, amazing. And so I've been doing some outreach

and to help me keep that going, because

that does make me uncomfortable, I've got my 2 jar system

and this is where I have, so in this hand is the ones

that I still haven't reached out to yet. And this hand I have actually done

these outreaches. If you, uh, can't, if you're listening, you might hear the

jingle. That's because it's just marbles in Mason jars. And this is

on my desk, so I can, every time I reach out to someone on my

list, they go from one to the other. And it's

helping my brain to see a visual cue of keep reaching

out. And I did go before and count, okay, I started just

with an actual list of people, but then I took as many

marbles as possible and I've been moving them over. And also knowing that I was

going to report in and talk about this today, I actually did a bunch of

outreach this morning. I also knew I was going to count that outreach

in my tracker. So, all this to say,

the other thing that I'm doing, and aside from

the experiments and using the marbles to count my

progress, I'm also just trying to be kind to

myself. Because it's very common for me in times like this that I

feel really behind, and I do a lot

of should. I should all over myself of,

You should be posting first thing in the morning and not later in the day.

And you should have all of your emails about this workshop ready in

advance, and you should have already drafted and edited them. And

ultimately, I just need to remember, just do the next thing as soon

as you can, because I have been burned

before. And when I say burned before, I mean, I have just been way

too hard on myself, expected way too much, and I've just tipped

so far over that it just kind of burnt out and I ended

up just collapsing into a heap and that's no good. So I am trying to

be kind, but find the balance. How do I show up consistently, take this

seriously, get outside the comfort zone or my comfort

zone, but also don't cause myself harm? So don't get into a position

where I'm just a puddle. And that's what I'm doing actively

right now as I go through this live workshop. I

also, I think just Another thing I need to remember

is it's different when you're on the

promotional end. Like I'm the one who is promoting this to people who could be

a good fit and the way

you actually buy it. Like there are 2 different versions. When I'm promoting something, I

think, oh my goodness, if nobody's signed up in the first day, then nobody wants

to come. But then I think of myself as a consumer.

And when I buy things, attend workshops, register for things,

I almost never register on the first day. I will go to it, I'll be

like, oh, that looks good. I'll come back to that email later. And then I

go about my day and usually I end up signing up a lot

later. Not always the last, I'm not always the last day person, but it's definitely

something I do. And it also helps to remember that.

So those are all the things that's happening. So now

let's actually go over to my tracker and see. See

how things are going and we're almost done the month. So at

the end of the month, at the end of, I guess that'll be,

that's Monday, I think is the end of the month. I will complete the tracker

and I can update how the month of August went on the

next podcast. So let's take a look at the,

the tracker here. So I've got for posting progress,

haven't reached my goal, but I have gotten a little better. So

my goal was 20 posts, and right

now I have 12. That being said, I know I will be posting

more this week. I've actually got a couple that are already in the can,

so to speak, that are ready. A few, I've made a few visuals that I'm

going to post. For outreach, we're at

31 out of 40. They're not all speaking related

because I am counting some of the outreach to promote this workshop, but I also

know that this workshop can be something that You know, maybe someone knows

about it and says, actually, I know a good place that would, you could

run this workshop. So it could also lead to speaking opportunities. So I'm going

to, I'm going to let that go. And my,

so that's 31 out of 40. So I'm at 77%.

The appearances. So last Thursday I did a

collaboration with Senja, my testimonial software. So that was

on Thursday. So I've got 3 appearances for the month of

Of, actually, this is 4 now. Today, no, yesterday a

podcast dropped that I was featured on. So 4

appearances and that's 4 for the month.

And then booked speaking gigs has not changed yet.

And so I've got 4 appearances, 3 speaking gigs, and then my outcome tracker.

So this is where we're just going over audience members. So when we add

on last week with the webinar, it's up

to 33 for the month. So these are small groups that I'm talking

to, but I actually really like being able to answer

individual questions when I'm on a workshop with a smaller group.

And then subscribers for the month of August is now at

66. I did not plan this, but my total count of audience

members plus subscribers for the month is currently 99.

And these nice little round numbers are very appealing to my brain,

but that is not something that I planned. That's actually

Just how, just how it worked out. So that's my, that's my progress on

my goal. But one of the questions I do have for you this

week, and I, whether you leave comments in the, on the YouTube app or

just message me back, send a DM, I do genuinely

want to hear tips, tricks, or even if

there's quotes or things that help you genuinely help you

in those moments where you are questioning. Why on earth have I done this to

myself again? Um, how do I stick with

it and remember that even when it feels hard and even if,

you know, what you were expecting doesn't happen either right away or maybe

at all, how do you keep that, that self-talk? And

cuz I could, I'm doing things, I'm taking action,

but this is hard work and it

is something that I personally find difficult. I know not everyone has the same

thing, but Promoting my own workshops and

offers is something that doesn't come naturally to me. I mean, it

does make me nervous. So anything you've got, I would love to hear it.

And it does also, just from a bigger

question, make me reflect on, okay, what's the

balance of doing this? Like, I don't, I know

that it's silly to just swear off ever running my own things again,

but maybe there I can explore other ways of teaching and running the

workshops, the things that really light me up and that I feel I'm good

at, but not depending 100% on

a one-person business to be responsible for all of it. Maybe there

are ways I can do collaborations, work with others, et cetera. So it's on my

mind, but mostly anything that helps you get through this, I

would love to hear it. And I'll keep you posted on how it goes

as I continue to share my experiment of how I am Following

Through and Finding My Momentum as a Speaker and Writer.