Welcome back to Shift Happens! In this episode, Nurse Millie and Nurse Tara tackle one of the hardest skills in healthcare: protecting your peace and setting boundaries at the bedside. From the guilt of saying "no" to a patient or job, to the toxic normalization of skipping lunch, they break down why being a compassionate caregiver shouldn't require daily self-sacrifice.

✨ LISTEN TO THE FULL SHOW:

https://linktr.ee/shifthappenspodshow

Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shift-happens-podcast/id1896920249

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033xjE3SlPMZfm9y1rARFb?si=671f7bc738a04124

Captivate Site: https://shifthappenspodcast.captivate.fm

👋 CONNECT WITH THE SHOW:

Instagram: @shifthappenspodshow

TikTok: @shifthappenspodshow

Business Inquiries: [email protected]

🏥 ABOUT THE PODCAST:

Welcome to the digital breakroom! Shift Happens is a raw, unfiltered look at healthcare, nursing, and the hilarious, heartbreaking, and chaotic realities of hospital life, hosted by Nurse Millie and Nurse Tara.

New episodes drop every Friday!

⚖️ MEDICAL DISCLAIMER:

The thoughts, stories, and opinions expressed on this podcast are solely those of the hosts and guests and do not reflect the views of any employing institution or hospital. This content is for entertainment and educational purposes only and should not be taken as medical advice.

Okay, so are we going to start a shift?

2

Happens at night. HS.

3

Well, today we are talking

about boundaries at the bedside.

4

Welcome to shift happens.

5

I am Nurse Millie and I'm Nurse Tara.

6

Tara just got back from vacation, so

she is just really feeling herself today.

7

And we are just going to roll with it.

8

I love the sun kissed thing

you got going on, mama.

9

Thank you. See,

everybody can't get a vacation.

10

Some people got to stay in the house

like Michael Jackson.

11

And I get a ten and watch all the kids,

while others get to take lavish vacations.

12

And I guess that would be you.

13

Yes, because I set boundaries.

14

I told someone,

no, you cannot impregnate me again.

15

Another nighttime shift happens episode.

16

We can definitely discuss

17

that comment, like and subscribe

if you'd like to see Tara at night.

18

Shift happens.

19

It goes down. Well, you know what, Tara?

20

I'm actually kind of excited

about this episode

21

because I feel like I'm

going to learn a lot from you.

22

As you know, I do not set

23

boundaries at all with anybody,

and that's why my kids run all over me.

24

And I've had some people be like,

not so nice to me.

25

So I really am curious to hear

your perspective about setting boundaries.

26

So we are going to talk

27

about feeling guilty

for saying no to a patient or to your job.

28

Somewhere along the way,

many of us were taught that good nurses

29

never set boundaries.

30

It's kind of like customer service.

31

The customer is always right.

32

And lastly,

but what happens when constantly

33

giving leaves nothing for yourself?

34

I feel like that's me.

35

Well, what did Lauryn Hill say?

36

But you're really making her.

37

You read that letter out.

38

Okay, you know what I mean.

39

Like, you read that letter out, and

I felt like you were reading me out loud.

40

You know what I'm talking about.

41

Okay, fine.

42

I mean, I know that song,

43

I guess,

44

but you know the line

I'm talking about where she's like,

45

you read the letter,

and basically you were calling me out.

46

I just thought, okay, never mind.

47

Just scrap that. It's awkward now.

48

Okay, look, I just know the core is sorry.

49

So what did she say?

50

She was like,

you read my love letter aloud.

51

Like, basically,

you put all my feelings on blast, like.

52

And then you didn't do what? Well,

I don't really know.

53

I didn't get that far,

but I feel like this is blasting me.

54

Okay, anyway. Go ahead.

55

I feel attacked.

56

Kind of like in church when the past

was like, yes, we can write to you.

57

Yeah.

58

And I want to tell you,

let me go ahead and exit now.

59

Yeah.

60

And you're like, oh, Lord.

61

Yeah.

62

Well, I'm Catholic, so. Well,

that's how they do it.

63

In the body of Christ, the Costal church.

64

You feel like,

oh Lord, are you talking to me?

65

So compassion shouldn't

require self-sacrifice every single day.

66

What does that mean

to you? Compassion should require.

67

So just because I'm compassionate

and I'm caring doesn't mean I should

68

take not take care of myself

and just give myself up as a sacrifice.

69

Like I don't want the Cyclops to get me.

70

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

71

Not the cyclops

I remember on Hercules when they give up.

72

I didn't watch that.

73

Oh, well, they used to sacrifice the

74

pretty maiden.

75

Okay, then I feel like I don't.

76

I have indeed a pretty. I'm. So.

77

I feel like

maybe they would provide me to the

78

to the cyclops or the ugly monster.

79

I think beauty

and the beast was more my ara.

80

Okay, okay.

81

So it was like, okay, okay, setting

boundaries doesn't make you a bad nurse.

82

It might you

it might make you a better one.

83

And today

we're talking about one of the hardest

84

skills in health care

protecting your piece.

85

Okay.

86

So what is our chief complaint today?

87

Tara, can you be a compassionate nurse

while still setting healthy boundaries?

88

Or does health care make us feel guilty

for putting ourselves first?

89

So what are your thoughts about that?

90

I think we definitely feel

like the sacrificial lamb.

91

Okay. We're always at. Stay late.

Oh, yeah.

92

Work harder.

93

Yeah, and if you don't, why can't you?

94

I feel like it's expected.

95

So if I can't ask you to stay late,

it should be expected

96

that you're going to work. Yeah.

You feel obligated? Yeah.

97

Or if you say no, no is a sentence in.

98

Oh, period.

99

But sometimes people feel like

they have to address

100

the no and give an explanation.

101

We're really you don't require

an explanation on why you don't want to

102

work late or or why you feel like,

you know, we shouldn't be overstaffed.

103

Like, hey, I came to work expecting to

have five patients and now I have eight.

104

Like, what's going on here?

105

Well, we're short, so.

106

Yeah.

107

So that's the one good thing about my job.

108

I can only put one patient asleep. Yeah.

109

So I don't always feel the stress

of taking care of multiple patients,

110

which I adore. Yes.

111

And I just can't worry about anything

else.

112

But I still feel like,

113

Do you feel

114

like some boundaries

that I don't always say?

115

Let me not interrupt, because last time

I asked you the question,

116

and so I, my husband said, oh,

you was interrupting Tara.

117

I was like, oh, let me not do that.

118

But I kind of want to do it to be messy

just a little bit.

119

So I so we'll probably do it on purpose,

but I'll give you that look

120

like I'm doing it.

121

I don't know.

122

I feel like when you say no

to like, a shift or something

123

that's going on, or you try to advocate

for yourself and for the patients,

124

because if we're short staffed or we're

overworked or we don't have the assistance

125

and the patient suffers, not only did

we suffer, but the patient suffers,

126

and so does the hospital

127

because of the patient satisfaction

scores decrease and whatnot.

128

But domino effect. Yeah, exactly.

129

And so I just feel like, okay,

if I say no,

130

then when I come in for my normal shift

day, the manager is going to be like.

131

Or if you need a favor

or you need a day off

132

or you may not want to work a holiday,

133

then it's like, no,

you said no to me that one time.

134

And so I've just always been

I think I get that from my mother.

135

I've just always been a

yes man and I'm comfortable with that.

136

And as I've gotten older

and I've had kids,

137

I understand

that I still do the same thing.

138

I don't set boundaries

because sometimes it's easier

139

just to go with the flow

or do your own thing.

140

And I feel like my self-care

has been compromised in that sense.

141

And also, when I was working as a floor

nurse, you have aides that like, help

142

you with the patient and whatnot,

and I would just never ask them for help.

143

I would take out my own patient's trash.

144

I would bring their trades

and take the trade, all of the stuff.

145

And I just feel like it's easier

for me to do it rather than ask for help.

146

But if you don't use those resources

147

or those extensions of you,

then you'll get burnt out.

148

But I guess I'm just not a person

that's comfortable with,

149

I don't want to say confrontational

because I feel like that

150

has a negative connotation,

but just just being forward.

151

Yeah, that's a good word.

152

Yeah, well, your self-care looks great.

153

You look so pretty.

154

You have a good makeup artist.

155

Yeah. You look gorgeous.

156

I was like, oh, can I even.

157

Well, some people have to imitate a tan,

you know what I'm saying?

158

Because you can't lay out on the beach

in Thailand and Saint Barts.

159

And I was listening. Jamaica.

160

Yeah. Oh, just just Jamaica.

161

I haven't been since I was too.

162

We got seasick and threw up everywhere.

And then they had a food shortage

163

and lizards

in our, in our house that we rented.

164

Oh, you know, I haven't been back

since I was just 2 or 3, but it's so fun.

165

Yeah. So what?

166

Okay, before we move on,

let me not interrupt, but I want to know

167

your history

from being a new nurse to a nurse now.

168

And with your job transition

from being a nurse to a crane.

169

Did you are

170

you have you always been the type

of person that set boundaries for yourself

171

and advocated for yourself,

or did you grow into that?

172

No, I feel like I did, and

I feel like sometimes I'm a people pleaser

173

because I want to make everyone happy,

and sometimes I will sacrifice myself.

174

I feel like I do that now,

like I'll do it.

175

Or today

someone ask me, could I work tomorrow?

176

But I have so many things to do.

177

And I said, I'm so sorry I can't work.

178

And I actually look to see

how could I make that happen?

179

And I felt bad

180

that I couldn't offer up my help,

but they found someone to work for them.

181

But it's still

182

makes me feel bad that

183

I can't help that person out

because I always just want to say yes.

184

Like, yeah, I'll help you. Yes,

I'll stay late.

185

So I feel like sometime

I have a hard time setting boundaries.

186

Even though I have a hard exterior.

187

You do.

188

I'm really, like soft inside.

189

You're like, I'm a cancer.

190

Yeah. Cancer.

191

Seasons coming up July 5th. So.

192

Yeah.

193

So I feel like I'm this hard exterior.

194

But then on the inside

I'm straight much like a crab.

195

Or is that for certain people

or just in general?

196

In general? Okay.

197

There was one thing you said about,

198

you know, denying a request

to work for someone.

199

Do you feel like people

treat you differently when you say no?

200

Or do you feel like you've established

a good rapport with your colleagues

201

or whoever's asking?

202

Yeah,

I feel like we help each other enough.

203

I feel like it's balanced.

204

They know if I'm saying no, it's

because you're not lazy.

205

Yeah, just be just doing it.

206

Yeah, but I try really to help out.

207

And I just have a reputation

for working hard.

208

So people are like, oh, Tara will do it.

209

Tara will stay late.

210

Everyone says, like, I just run

circles around everyone because I'm

211

very energetic and I love being at work.

212

I'm happy to be at work.

213

And I think that translates to

I have no boundaries, I'll do whatever.

214

But I feel like it's really important

to set those boundaries.

215

In fact, this year, 2026 is the last year

I'm working

216

so, so hard

because I feel that I'm neglecting myself.

217

I'm working so hard to reach my financial

goals that I'm not taking days off,

218

and I'm not just having a day off

just to have lunch with a friend.

219

Right.

220

And you went back to school,

or I went back to school

221

to work smarter, not harder, right?

222

Because of course, now

223

as a nurse anesthetist, I'm not working

as a registered nurse on the floor.

224

Right. And I'm making more money.

225

So I should be able to allow myself

the time to not work as much.

226

And so I feel like

I'm kind of setting a boundary that way.

227

Is it addictive too?

228

Because it's like it's so easy.

229

You're used to doing it,

you're comfortable,

230

you go to work and you know

you're going to make that money

231

and do all the things you want to do

financially.

232

I think my husband kind of goes

through the same thing.

233

He enjoys being at work.

234

He works a ton and he's like,

oh, I'm so tired.

235

But he likes to be the person

that everyone calls on or relies on.

236

Yeah.

237

And so sometimes I feel like he

he feels obligated to say yes.

238

And I think he enjoys saying yes

because he likes to be Superman.

239

Yeah.

240

And then it's like, okay.

241

And I get paid to do something that

I love doing even though I'm so exhausted.

242

So I feel like I see a lot of that in you

and in him.

243

I'm trying to think if someone told me no.

244

So I have a coworker,

I like that, I like that.

245

So I have a coworker and I he's really

like my best friend at work.

246

His name is Cole. Mr. Cole? Yes.

247

Cole.

248

Morgan, we love you.

249

And we love Amanda. Two hearts. So cool.

250

I'm like, cool.

251

I need, like,

I'll say I'm going to work this weekend.

252

You work this weekend,

and I'm always expecting him to do it

253

because he's always so easily

available, available, flexible.

254

And I was joking.

255

Say you're in the Black Mafia family,

like you better do it or else.

256

And he jokes, saying,

if I don't do this, she's.

257

Yeah, yeah.

258

And he's and I think like if he ever said

no, it'll be okay.

259

But I just expect him to

and but I do it where it helps him to.

260

I mean it's I'm not the only beneficiary,

but it makes me feel

261

now now that we're talking about this,

like, does he feel like I'm

262

just like

he can't set boundaries to tell me.

263

No, this is

this is very thought provoking.

264

And I like that

you're taking some accountability there.

265

So maybe after this

you can call Cole up and say, hey,

266

do you feel like I'd be doing this to you?

267

I feel like I,

you know, I love, you know, like,

268

you feel like I'll be punking

you into working my shift.

269

Well, I can't because I said,

you're the Black Mafia family.

270

If you don't show up, if you're going

gonna be in that river in New York City.

271

Subway. Yes. Well, yeah.

272

Okay.

273

So next, I like that.

274

I really do like that.

275

So the shift report.

276

Health care is built on caring for others,

but that care

277

often comes at a personal cost.

278

Whether it's staying late, skipping

lunch, answering work calls on days

279

off, or caring emotional weight, home

boundaries can feel impossible.

280

Today, we're going to discuss why

boundaries matter and how learning to say

281

no may actually make us better caregivers.

282

Well,

I know the whole skipping lunch thing.

283

Yeah,

why was I going to say skipping lunch?

284

Skipping lunch?

285

That is so mining.

286

It is so minor, but it's so common.

287

Yeah. And huge.

288

It was pounded in us that it is illegal

for you to work so many hours

289

and not take a lunch.

290

However, when it's time to take a lunch,

your phone is ringing.

291

A patient needs you.

292

You're being interrupted by a colleague

or your manager or somebody

293

breathing down your back.

294

Like,

how long has it been since you had lunch?

295

I just got here.

296

I haven't even washed my hands yet,

so it's like it's a double standard.

297

Or at least a hypocritical rule.

298

Yeah, and that's something little,

like we said, very minor.

299

But we're not robots.

300

This is a thing like,

let's just address everything here. Yes.

301

Go ahead and spill the tea.

302

We're human beings. Do this real quick.

303

Yes. Okay. It's nothing in there.

304

Well, it's it's t t t.

305

We're human beings, so it's hard

306

when we're expected to have boundaries

307

and have to go to the restroom

or we get sick because.

308

Yeah, because we're not robots.

309

We're not AI.

310

Yeah, and skipping lunch

can give you a headache.

311

You feel sick.

312

You can't do your job.

313

When I don't have lunch,

I feel really, really bad.

314

I feel very puny.

Like I can't continue on.

315

And sometimes they're like,

oh, can you eat in between cases?

316

A lot of times I don't bring my lunch

because I know everyone's so surprised.

317

I'm not really a cooker.

318

You just do it all. Yeah, I don't cook.

319

I'm not a cooker.

320

You're not.

Your lifestyle is not required.

321

So I'll just go out to eat a lot.

322

And mahogany should go downtown

and give you the memorial location.

323

I have a nickname

there, and everyone loves me.

324

Everybody knows you.

325

Yes, but I have to go.

326

Maybe it's cafeteria and that takes time.

327

Get my lunch. Wait.

328

Come back and eat.

329

And always.

330

You don't have time between cases, so you.

331

You know, you're done with surgery,

and then while they get ready

332

for the next case,

that's what they mean by in between.

333

And that's not always a lot of time

where you can go and get lunch.

334

Yeah, I feel like

335

I didn't set boundaries in that area

because it didn't apply to me at the time.

336

So because I've been an athlete

for most of my at least half of my life,

337

you get the run done,

you get the drills done,

338

you get the practice done before you take,

you know, a break.

339

You sit down, a water break, whatever.

340

So I was used to working that way.

341

So when I became an hour in on the floor,

I could go hours

342

without using the restroom.

I could go hours without eating.

343

I could go hours without water.

344

And some people, like, do you want to take

a lunch break or you don't?

345

I will, and I'm like, well, you just go

ahead and take it because I'm not hungry.

346

I don't eat breakfast or lunch.

347

I kind of just Im a one meal person

and then if I'm not eating or drinking,

348

then I'm not going to the bathroom.

349

And then you go to the bathroom

350

and your phone rings or somebody,

it's like, so it didn't apply to me,

351

but I definitely understand

how that would affect others.

352

And then it was like,

you need to clock out for lunch.

353

It's a part of the job.

354

And then if you forget to clock

and you didn't clock in, clock back in

355

and it's like, oh my gosh,

why do I even take a lunch? Why?

356

Or what about the convenience of lunch?

357

And we worked at the one job, it's 10:00.

358

You want to pull me out of a case to say,

hey, it's take a take a lunch?

359

It's like it's 10:00.

360

Just because it's

it works for everybody else.

361

It doesn't work for me. I'm not hungry.

362

Well,

if you don't take your lunch at 10 a.m..

363

Oh, yeah.

364

Then you will not get a lunch later.

365

So go ahead and take your break.

366

Or your lunch.

If you're not hungry, don't eat.

367

But just know that when it comes 12

368

123, four you're not going to get a lunch.

369

So I was like, well dang.

370

Yeah, that's a big

I think that's a big thing.

371

Skipping lunch. Dang.

372

It kind of all coincides

373

where you just need to set boundaries.

374

What are the call like Chronicles.

375

So the call like Chronicles

are when we press the call light

376

and kind of take a pause

377

and we tune in with you guys

and let us know the personal perspective

378

of what we're talking about

in regards to the chief complaint.

379

So a question that I have here

is where boundaries

380

something you struggle

with early in your career.

381

Yes. And I still struggle with it

now, like I said,

382

even before healthcare,

when I was a teenager

383

and I had little mall jobs

or fast food jobs, you don't get a break.

384

You are beat down like a dog, okay?

385

The customer is always right.

386

So that has been ingrained in me through

work as a pre-teen and being an athlete.

387

So I just come into healthcare like, okay,

I'm here to work and get the job done.

388

I remember when I shifted

389

from the hospital to the other job,

I was like, oh my gosh.

390

Like there's like, there's nothing to do.

391

I was just so used to going, going, going.

392

And when I got that job, I'm like,

so this is a lower acuity because

393

you're doing that.

394

And then here

you were doing more outpatient.

395

You're doing more outpatient.

396

And also there is a better system.

397

So all of the work is not put on you.

398

So I come in and then like our boss was

like, wow, you guys are such hard workers.

399

It's because we came from the hospital.

400

And the people that have been there for

so long in outpatient are like,

401

yeah, we're tired.

We're not trying to do that.

402

And we're just like,

yeah, go, go, go. Yeah.

403

So I just didn't set boundaries there.

404

The next question is,

have you ever taken work home emotionally?

405

I feel like, yeah,

especially as a new nurse.

406

I think you're always double

checking your notes.

407

You're going home thinking about,

did I make a mistake?

408

Is there something I could have done

better?

409

Did I miss something?

410

What am I going to do tomorrow

when I have the patient again or I.

411

I think I definitely took that home.

412

And if I did have a sad case,

like a patient that I knew

413

wasn't going to progress,

I that did make me sad.

414

And like I said, that was an inspiration

for me to work with elderly patients

415

because I feel like with children

that are ill, it's

416

it's harder or more traumatic for me

and I'm sure as well as the family, to

417

just accept that this child is ill

and not going to get better.

418

Not that a grandparent

and a great grandparent don't matter, but

419

I feel like, okay, it's end of life

and I can I'm okay with that.

420

And so because I have to

contain my own emotions and it doesn't,

421

project onto the patient

and their family,

422

I was more comfortable

working with adults or elderly patients.

423

When did you realize

you needed healthy boundaries?

424

When my therapist told me she was like,

girl, you let everybody run all over you.

425

And just because you know

you're not passive

426

or aggressive, you're not confrontational

and you don't have to be.

427

But it's okay to say no.

428

And I'm like, well, will somebody I'm

a people pleaser, like you said,

429

and so will somebody be upset with me

if I say, no, I don't want to do it.

430

And it's uncomfortable

because I feel like, what if I say no?

431

Then the person comes back as why?

432

It's like, oh, I'm not ready for that.

433

I'm not ready for that.

434

So it's just easier for me to say yes,

435

avoid confrontation,

hurting people's feelings.

436

And so I make a mental note of that daily,

but it does not come easy to me at all.

437

How has motherhood

change your perspective?

438

I have had to set boundaries

only because I'm unavailable.

439

My kids come first and so.

440

Yeah.

441

And so traditionally, if I didn't

have kids, I would say yes, yes, yes.

442

And sometimes I still want to say yes,

yes, yes.

443

But like my

I have to take care of my kids.

444

So really having kids is the only thing

that has created boundaries for me

445

because they're like physical boundaries,

physical boundaries.

446

And I do it.

447

I can't do it.

448

Like, hey, can you, my friend,

can you take me to the airport?

449

Oh, I have four kids that I'm running,

but I'm a little school bus.

450

I can't take you to the airport.

451

What?

452

I would like to or not really,

but I can't, like,

453

I just, I have to devote that energy

and time to that.

454

So it has forced me

to set those type of boundaries.

455

But outside of that, no,

I don't have boundaries.

456

I don't have boundaries with my children

either.

457

Okay, Tara,

what are your call like Chronicles?

458

Have you ever experienced

burnout from poor boundaries?

459

I think that's highly possible.

460

Definitely. Especially in health care.

461

In health care, especially in nursing

462

burnout.

463

Because can you stay late?

464

Can you work late?

465

Can you come in

because somebody come in early?

466

Can you float? Can you float?

467

And you're just saying yes, yes, yes.

468

And that gets tiring.

469

I remember one hospital I worked,

470

they like

I could be in a room all day doing cases.

471

And then the next was like,

can you go here?

472

Can you go here,

can you go here, can you go here?

473

Can you go here can.

474

And I was like,

I was going to be in the one room all day.

475

So I know what to expect.

476

So I know to get my drugs ready

to get my endotracheal tube ready.

477

Just be prepared for the next

and just keep it going.

478

I wasn't here to go get someone else out

and start all over, or do this or do that.

479

And guess what?

480

I don't go to that hospital as much

because it wears me down.

481

Yeah, and I can't do it.

482

So I set my own boundary

by just not picking up shifts here,

483

because that's a lot.

484

One job I work in Tulsa,

I work and I'm in a room for 12 hours.

485

I'm just in that one room

and it makes it way easier.

486

And I'm working with the surgeon

I like usually,

487

so they do a good job

of putting you in your niche.

488

So why would they put you somewhere

where like, oh, I hate going here,

489

I hate this if you don't like it,

why would they put that person in there?

490

But it seems like they say, well,

you have to do it.

491

Well, why is that? No,

you don't have to do it.

492

Well, Tara likes doing it.

493

Let her work with this crazy doctor.

494

And that's how it should be.

495

Because when you keep doing that to people

they get burnt out.

496

No shade, two positions.

497

But they do kind of harp

on the mid-level stuff.

498

So you know as an RN not as a nurse

practitioner as someone with my master's

499

or doctorate, some physicians, it's like

you're lower than me, you're a mid-level.

500

So if I tell you to do something,

then you do it.

501

And if you don't do it, I'm

502

going to report to your nurse manager,

even if it's not fair to you.

503

So I can only imagine

you being pushed from room to room.

504

It's like, well, if you don't do it,

then why are you here? Yeah.

505

We don't need you.

506

Yeah, but do you not realize

you're also having me bounce back

507

and forth and doing twice as many cases

when you could just hire someone else?

508

Yeah.

509

It's just too much.

510

And what's the hardest boundary

if you've had to sit.

511

I would say

512

it's not even at work

like in my personal life.

513

Yeah. What is that. Let me be nosy.

514

So I came for I have coffee

but I came for the tea I would say

515

because maybe like loving someone that

really didn't deserve my love and having

516

that boundary because I love them

517

so much and set that boundary

just to leave them alone.

518

And that affected me because,

519

I don't know,

I was just not in the good headspace.

520

And when I'm not in good headspace,

I'm just not good to anyone.

521

So that was empowering to me

to tell that person no.

522

What was it?

523

Just that you were tired and fed up

and then you said no?

524

Or what was it that made you set up

boundaries like I'm a cancer again?

525

Cancer is if I know what that means.

526

So cancers are totally loyal.

527

We we seem to use our loyalty against us.

528

My friend

Terrence tells me that all the time.

529

Like someone's

going to use your loyalty against you

530

because you're just going to be

with them to the end of time.

531

So after they damn near

532

killed me from all their evil ways

and I'm like, I still love you.

533

I finally was like, they don't love me.

534

They don't. What do I do?

535

I have to leave them alone.

536

So I finally, like, set that boundary

to where you don't have access to me.

537

I'm not going to help you.

538

I'm not going to be this ride or die

chick for you.

539

It's done.

540

And I feel like at work,

I think I'm pretty good about it

541

because everyone's like, Tara, we're not

because people are scared of you.

542

And even when I was going

to anesthesia school,

543

I don't know why, but everyone was like,

Tara, ask if we can take a break.

544

So I'm like, yeah. Excuse me, can we?

545

I don't mean any harm,

but can we take a break?

546

So would people ask me

because I'm more the person to more about

547

spoken person and I'm going to say like,

no, you're not going to do that.

548

Is that how I'm perceived?

549

Because sometimes I don't always feel

that way.

550

Sometimes I'm just like,

okay, it's interesting

551

that you present that perspective

because just working with you, I remember,

552

like I've said the first time I met you

and then getting to know you as we work,

553

you know, you just exude a confidence

and an assurance.

554

And definitely if something goes down

that's a little off, you'll

555

you'll be the first person to like,

say that that's, you know, inappropriate.

556

So I was I've always looked at

you like, as a younger nurse to say, wow,

557

did that come with time?

558

Is that part of your personality?

559

Is that part of your confidence?

560

Is that part of your ego?

561

And how do I become more like that?

562

Well, I'm not,

but it's been nice to watch from afar.

563

And the boundaries with relationships

definitely don't have those either.

564

I don't ever get it to say,

hey, let me stop calling.

565

I deserve better than this.

566

Let me move

on. I'm a fixer. I'm a work it.

567

I will work it out

until there's nothing else to work out.

568

So the point where you have to block me

or you get married, I'm like, hey,

569

I'm still here.

570

Just paddling along, waiting for you.

571

Well, that comes in for therapy too.

572

Here we go.

573

How do you protect yourself?

574

And mostly after difficult cases.

575

You know, that kind of goes.

576

If I have a difficult case,

577

I'll cry like I cry a lot.

578

A lot.

579

It's interesting.

580

Yeah.

581

So I feel like how I protect myself

is crying or praying.

582

And I have a strong belief in God,

and I'm always going to put him first,

583

and I'm just going to pray about it

or talk about it with my friend.

584

I have a lot of my two

best friends are nurse anesthetist,

585

so it's easy to talk to them

because they totally understand.

586

And but I'm going to cry about it,

and I feel like

587

letting that out is how I my cope with it.

588

And then what advice

would you give to new nurses?

589

Oh gosh, there's so many things I know

new, good and bad.

590

Maybe new nurse anesthetist just

I would say don't work as hard.

591

I would have a financial goal

they want to meet.

592

Well don't do it.

593

I always tell people I was like,

don't go out and buy a Range Rover.

594

Stay like you're poor.

595

Who wants to do that and just work and

596

enjoy your life?

597

Because I feel like I've always worked

this way, and it's almost a curse

598

that I feel like

I have to work, work, work so many jobs

599

because I enjoy doing it

and I'm tired of it now.

600

Not tired of working my job,

but just tired of working so much.

601

Only because I've started this pattern.

602

So maybe don't ever start the pattern.

603

You can still have a financial goal

and take care of it,

604

but don't do it to like to the extreme.

605

I work seven days a week. That's a lot.

606

That's a lot, I think

I think to piggyback on what you said,

607

it's also to recognize

when you're starting to get burnt out.

608

You know, with my husband

being a physician,

609

I feel like I'm talking to him.

When I talk to you.

610

He has an exact same thing.

611

And, you know, he protects himself

emotionally a little bit.

612

But he'll say if a patient passes away,

he'll come home and he'll be really upset.

613

It worries him. It bothers him.

614

He's like, am I working so much that

I miss something?

615

And I'm like, babe,

the patient was on comfort care.

616

I don't want to be dismissive

of that patient's life,

617

but due to their comorbidities

or their age or whatever,

618

their admission, diagnosis

and all of those things were,

619

the likelihood of them surviving

a week is very low.

620

And so you can't save everyone.

621

And he takes that home. And

622

we do want to save everyone.

623

We want to save

and we want to say yes to everyone.

624

You want to say yes to everyone.

We want to be everything to everyone.

625

You want to be everything to everyone.

626

So since we have been posting

on all of our socials, Shift Happens

627

podcast on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok,

oh yes, we're trending.

628

You can also find us on YouTube,

Apple Podcast and Spotify.

629

I have noticed some anonymous admissions,

630

so I'm not going to name any names

that we are going to read.

631

Some of the admissions that our patients

or our colleagues wanted to submit.

632

So number one is

I answer work text even when I'm off

633

because I feel guilty if I don't.

634

I don't.

635

You don't

636

because I have my phone on mute.

637

So do you feel bad people like I tried to

reach you are you give me money?

638

Well, I was going to try,

but you didn't answer.

639

Look, are you giving me some money?

640

9 to 5.

641

And if I'm not there,

I'm not going to answer.

642

I really try not to,

but I understand what they're saying.

643

Depends on who it is. Maybe.

644

So what advice would you give

to that person to feel guilty about us?

645

Don't feel guilty.

646

You did your shift, honey. You're off.

647

You gotta. It happens.

648

They gotta figure it out.

649

They gotta figure it out all night.

650

Shift. What's going to happen without you?

651

They got. Figure it out.

652

Exactly, girl.

653

You know, when they called me to come

in, somebody did show person.

654

I'm like, I'm coming. I'm on my way.

655

Are y'all going to pay me

double? Time and a half?

656

Oh, yeah.

657

Okay, I'll be there.

658

Even if you don't, I'll still be there.

659

Oh, I made me sad.

660

Well, it's true.

661

We need to talk about it.

662

I've skipped lunch

so many times that I stopped noticing.

663

Now that's messed up.

664

That's messed up.

665

It makes me sad because we're talking

about these boundaries

666

at the bedside, and they're like, oh,

it doesn't matter if you get lunch.

667

If you said that to a lay person,

they're like, oh no, I'm getting lunch.

668

Yeah, the expectation is not there.

669

And it's like, hey,

can you cover my patients?

670

No, because I have eight people

that I'm trying to take care of too. So.

671

So I guess we all go through that.

672

So what would my advice

673

be to somebody that I skipped lunch

so many times I stopped noticing.

674

Well I know that we used to have like

staff meetings or team meetings and

675

maybe that could be a topic that you could

bring up and discuss and say, hey,

676

I'm not trying to rule anything up,

but does anybody feel this way?

677

Is anybody experiencing this?

And how can we make it better?

678

Can we have our manager see managers?

679

No shade.

680

Sometimes they don't want to feel

and they think they're supposed

681

to stay in their office, behind the desk

682

and not assist

when things get a little chaotic.

683

So maybe a manager could say, hey,

I'm going to relieve you for lunch,

684

blah blah, blah, blah, blah,

come up with some form of a solution.

685

I care deeply, but I can't save everyone.

686

So we just addressed that. Yeah,

687

learning

to say no was harder than nursing school.

688

What do you think about that?

689

Nursing school is really nursing

school was hard.

690

I was harder than getting the masters.

691

So they feel like saying no, it's so hard.

692

I just feel like nurses

they want just as a profession

693

that maybe that's why

I want such horrible relationships.

694

We want to save everyone. Fix everyone.

695

Oh he doesn't have a job.

696

He doesn't.

697

Well let me let me fix them. Yeah.

698

Or let me save everyone.

699

I just feel like that's just in us.

700

You want control? In the moment,

you don't lose control.

701

Then your world crumbles

or you don't know how to function.

702

So what would you say

703

to somebody that says learning to say no

is harder than nursing school?

704

They're just going to have to start saying

no and no explanation.

705

Also, when I started, nursing,

jobs were few far in in between.

706

Like nowadays, people need so many nurses

and whatnot, and so you don't want to be

707

the one that like, gets

put on the blacklist either.

708

So I think you also have to be okay.

709

As you get older, you'd be like, okay

with whatever comes with your decision.

710

If somebody doesn't respect you

to say no, your decision to say no,

711

then maybe it's time to move on. Yeah.

712

Do you want to work for a type of company?

713

Doesn't value your boundaries

and respecting you?

714

Well, yeah. At one of the jobs I had.

715

Which you're aware of.

716

After

I got my master, they offered me a job.

717

And I said the way that I was treated

as a nurse in the way that other nurses

718

were treated, there is no way

that I would want to practice here.

719

It would be so easy

because I know everyone,

720

I'm comfortable and whatnot, but I'm like,

this is my opportunity.

721

That's probably

the only time I really set a boundary.

722

I was like,

oh, it's not gonna work for me.

723

I'm interested in something else.

724

So yeah, if you don't value me as a worker

725

or a colleague,

I'm not going to invest more of myself.

726

Well,

good thing I'm valued at a lot of my job.

727

But my job in Tulsa, I'm

so respected, I'm cared for.

728

And I'll say it, my job in Oklahoma City,

I'm really loved

729

by, like, the people I work with.

730

So I don't feel.

731

And that's maybe so unique.

732

Maybe everyone doesn't feel

that I have something to say about that.

733

Do you think if it could be

because you're a mid-level and not a R.N.?

734

I feel like when I started

working at our common place of work,

735

when I, we used to

736

initially we had anesthesiologists coming

in, and then we started collecting siRNAs

737

the way that doctors would respect

you guys versus

738

us, the way they would talk to you,

the standards.

739

It was completely different.

740

I don't know if it was just like

you guys were higher

741

educated than us,

or you got paid more or whatever.

742

It's like you're not an anesthesiologist,

but they still respect you on that level,

743

at least in the operating room,

744

because there are some doctors

745

that have a problem with nurse

practitioners and CMAs and etc..

746

So do you think that you're well

respected

747

and treated kindly versus nurses

because of your title?

748

I don't know.

749

When I worked in Oklahoma City,

I worked in a thoracic

750

ICU and I was I felt respected there.

751

And I got lunch and we had teamwork.

752

I feel like I've heard the rumor

and people can comment

753

in the comment section and say,

I see you nurses are more respected

754

than any other nurse in the hospital,

and I think it's because they go through

755

all the critical experiences

with the physicians.

756

But I've even heard my husband

757

say that not definitively,

but he's like ICU nurses.

758

They just kind of know because

they've been in critical situation.

759

So they can kind of

guess what we're going to need.

760

Maybe this the knowledge base.

761

So maybe someone with a greater

knowledge base,

762

but maybe they can level up to the person

that they want the respect from.

763

Yeah that's interesting.

764

So I just wanted to know your

765

Sometimes I need a mental health day

more than a vacation day.

766

Oh, honey.

767

In this field, a mental health day

and a vacation day are the same thing.

768

Listen, girl,

769

take a mental health day in health care

and you will come back with no job.

770

Let me tell you something.

771

Tell me.

772

I always say this. Sorry.

773

I'm going to tell everyone

my secret. Sorry.

774

My chief is listening. I'll wait.

775

Are we coming for coffee? Yeah, yeah,

776

but I will call in.

777

Well, that's what I say.

778

I was like, I think I'm calling in.

779

Well, wait, wait.

780

Break that down.

781

Calling in, not calling in sick, okay?

782

Because I'm not sick.

783

Okay?

784

I'm. Well,

I just don't feel like going to work.

785

Why should you get.

786

Okay, let me be your boss.

787

Why should you call in?

788

Well, when you get vacation time.

789

And what is it? Paid time off.

790

Why do you need.

791

Well, you just your vacation.

792

I just can't do it.

793

I just looked in the mirror

and I can't go.

794

You said you can't go in today.

795

So what has been the response

when you say that?

796

I just don't say anything.

797

I just, I just say I won't be in today,

but you're on schedule.

798

So what are you supposed to do?

799

They don't say that.

I just say I won't be in today.

800

And they just scramble behind the scenes.

And I don't know what they do.

801

So do they treat you differently

when you come back in the next day

802

and you don't lie and say, oh, I'm sick,

803

okay, I give

804

legally, no one can ask you about

why you're calling in legally.

805

Okay.

806

All you have to say is I'm telling. Yes.

807

All you have to do

is say I'm taking leave, period.

808

But I will call in like I can't do.

809

Would you do that as an orange?

I can't imagine doing that, girl.

810

I was bad as a serious.

811

I can't imagine.

Oh my God, I was horrible.

812

I would call in

so I could go to the club with my friend.

813

He's like.

814

She'd be like, girl.

815

I was like,

oh, I'm not going to talk like.

816

And we like, we didn't have that planet

and we didn't have that Myspace.

817

We didn't have all that then.

818

But I was like, she's like this a party.

819

I'm like, oh, work is in the way.

820

But I think I was a lot younger

because I was in my 20s and a little bit

821

more immature, but I'm glad I did.

822

Yeah, because I want to go that party.

823

Don't

you get written up after so many Collins?

824

Yeah, I would take the ride up.

825

Well, you getting written up, like, kind

of like this is the thing my aunt says.

826

Either you come in now

and you'll be won't be in trouble,

827

or you can stay outside and play

and you're in. Get a woman.

828

I will say, say a play.

I'm gonna take my whooping.

829

I'm gonna get my whooping

because I'm gonna have fun.

830

Okay, well, I like I respect that, honey.

831

That was not me.

832

Every time my phone rang, I was in.

833

And people don't understand

just because it's a sick day for you.

834

It's raining. Snowing. Hail

835

you. The hospitals still open.

836

The clinics are still open.

You've got to go into work.

837

Break room, check in, food for thought.

838

I want you guys to let us know

what's one boundary

839

you've had to set to protect your peace

at work or at home?

840

Share these answers in the comments

or send us a DM because your response

841

may be featured in a few future

nurses station.

842

So let's go on to the nurses station.

843

So we're going to ask hold on blue,

how do you okay.

844

So the nurse's station,

845

we want you guys

to check into the nurse's station

846

because we at the desk

doing notes on the computer.

847

And we want you to let us know.

848

How do you leave work at work?

849

How do you handle guilt

when calling in sick?

850

Is it okay to say no to picking up

extra shifts?

851

How do you deal

with emotionally demanding patients?

852

And what's one boundary

every new nurse should establish?

853

So check into the nurse's station and also

let us know, and we will get back to you

854

if you send us a DM or comment below

and we'll give you our advice.

855

Tara, I think it's time to diagnose

on this episode.

856

What do you think?

857

Yes, boundaries protect compassion.

858

They don't diminish it.

859

Burnout often begins where boundaries end.

860

You can't pour from an empty cup

Stanley Cup.

861

Saying no doesn't mean you care less.

862

Healthy nurses provide healthier care.

863

I think that's a great diagnosis.

864

So our treatment plan, I'm going

to tell you what my treatment plan is.

865

And I think I'm going to send it via a

script rather than writing a prescription.

866

Do you like that?

867

I do love it.

868

Protect your time with the same intention.

869

You protect your patients.

870

Lord, see,

871

that puts some things in perspective to me

because I don't be protecting my time.

872

But when I think about the liability

you have with somebody else's

873

life,

that changes a whole different outlook.

874

What is your treatment plan or your

my prescription?

875

Practice saying no without apologizing

for taking care of yourself.

876

Boundaries are part of professionalism.

877

I like that, I like it, it's I like it.

878

How often would you prescribe that?

879

Once a week or every day?

880

Every day. Okay.

881

Discharge instructions.

882

If listeners only remember

one sentence from this episode,

883

this is what it would be.

884

You can have a big heart

and still have healthy boundaries.

885

That sounds like something

my therapist would tell me.

886

It's so good. It's so therapeutic.

887

And then the medical term of the week

is burnout.

888

A state of physical, emotional,

and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged

889

workplace stress that has been

that has not been successfully managed.

890

I feel like you can find burnout

in any profession.

891

Yeah, but I think the most important point

892

to take home with that is to recognize

it and then have a plan.