In this final episode of season 2, I’m talking about a belief that many people struggle with, women especially. I've had so many clients tell me over the years that they struggle to make lasting changes in their health and fitness because deep down they don't really believe they deserve to take good care of themselves. They feel that somehow they are less worthy than others to feel great or to enjoy their bodies. This belief is complex and nuanced, but there are some common roots and manifestations that I’m touching on today.

As women, we are under immense pressure to excel in every area of life, including career, motherhood, relationships, and appearance. I mean, can we talk about America Ferrera's monologue in Barbie??? However, prioritizing self-care is often stigmatized as being selfish or high maintenance. We need to start making the choices that are right for us and that allow us to live the lives we dream of, regardless of others’ opinions about it.

So many of us sacrifice our wellbeing in an effort to keep everyone else happy, but we just end up burnt out and resentful. We can start to break that cycle by changing our mindset around prioritizing our needs, and by gradually learning to treat our bodies with care and respect, even if it makes others uncomfortable. You deserve love, nurturing, and nourishment as much as anyone on this planet, and in this episode I’m reminding you of that and giving you some tools to help you start believing it for yourself.

Interested in working with Jeannie? Schedule a 30-minute Coffee Talk here.

Connect with me on Instagram @joliverwellness or check out my services and resources on the Jeannie Oliver Wellness website.

Resources mentioned in episode:

Become Your Own Savior with Genevieve Joy, Episode 5

EWG’s Good Food on a Tight Budget Guide

Emotional Freedom Technique (aka Tapping) – The Tapping Solution

Here’s an informative article about different therapy modalities such as EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and Brainspotting. 

Find an EMDR Therapist

Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg, PhD

Disclaimer:

This podcast and website represents the opinions of Jeannie Oliver and her guests to the show and website. The content here should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational and entertainment purposes only, and because you are unique, please consult your healthcare professional with any medical questions.

This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony.  No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website.

In no way does listening, reading, emailing or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship.

Privacy is of utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect patient/client confidentiality.

Views and opinions expressed in this podcast are our own and do not represent that of our employers. While we make every effort to ensure that the information we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors.

Music credit: Funk’d Up by Reaktor Productions

A Podcast Launch Bestie production

Hey, beautiful.

Welcome back to the Nutrition Edit podcast.

I'm your host, Jeannie Oliver, and today is the final episode of season two.

Over the last 12 weeks, we've talked about releasing guilt and shame

around food myofunctional therapy, hypnotherapy and quantum healing,

longevity, motivation, coffee, water, hormones, and even semaglutide.

Or Ozempic.

We've covered a lot and I hope that you've learned as much from

my wonderful guests as I did.

I sure had fun doing it, and I've gotten some great feedback from

all of you about the episodes, so I'm glad that you enjoyed it too.

In this final episode of the season, there's one topic that I want to

talk to you about today that I've touched on here and there, but

it merits spending more time on.

I've had so many clients tell me over the years that they struggle to make lasting

change for themselves because deep down they don't really believe that they

deserve to take good care of themselves.

They feel that somehow they're less worthy than others to feel

great or to enjoy their bodies.

I.

The reasons behind this can be very complex and nuanced,

and everyone is so different.

But there are some common roots of this belief or ways that this

belief can manifest in our lives.

Now, before I move on, I want to direct you to an episode of my friend Genevieve

Joy's podcast that explains this much better than I can, and I think that

will give you a better understanding of how to address this belief.

So after listening to this episode, Pop over there.

Her podcast is called Become Your Own Savior, and it's episode number five

of season one titled why Self-Sacrifice is the Ultimate silent Killer.

This is such a great listen.

She's much more of an expert on this than I am.

So today I am going to focus on the firsthand knowledge that I have about

this, in my practice, in hopes that it will inspire you to do the necessary

healing and start enjoying your life more.

So to set the stage here, we need to understand that as infants and

small children we're developing coping skills and relational

strategies to ensure our survival.

If we feel unsafe or insecure in our family unit, or if we have parents who

did not value or validate our emotions and needs as important, we take on

that belief that we are not important and we can carry that into adulthood.

So if you've suffered abuse, lived in extreme poverty, Or had an unpredictable

or volatile parent, maybe someone who struggled with addiction or

emotional regulation of their own.

It's really natural that you would have to suppress your own emotions

because it wasn't safe for you as a child to feel and express them.

Maybe you were told that you should be grateful or to stop complaining every

time you tried to express an emotion that was deemed negative, or you may have even

been mocked for expressing your emotions.

That one's really common for men because in many families and cultures, boys

are not allowed the space to be tender.

Little boys, they're expected to act like alpha males.

This can show up as people pleasing.

Or downplaying our own needs and self-sacrificing in order to keep the

peace or to feel accepted or as Genevieve talks about, to feel like a good person.

And this can happen for anyone regardless of gender, but in our society and culture,

women often struggle with this more.

And at the time of this recording, this is a little aside for you.

The Barbie movie recently came out and America Ferrera has an amazing monologue

that sums this up to perfection.

So if you haven't seen it yet, definitely go check it out.

I was reluctant to see it.

Don't know what I was expecting, but it was, it was great.

Definitely worth it.

So as women, we are expected to take care of everyone else before ourselves.

We're expected to have a successful career, be a great mom, be a great

partner, maintain our social lives, and of course, have perfect bodies.

Right.

But if we dare to prioritize our self-care, which is the very thing

that allows us to show up as our best selves in our lives, then we're

called selfish or high maintenance.

And listen, we can talk about the problem of the patriarchy, but women are the worst

when it comes to bashing other women.

And we need to fucking stop it.

We really need to stop it.

I'll give you a personal example of this.

So as someone who has chosen not to have children, I have been told that

I am selfish and narcissistic and I've had women who are moms throw

shade because I have been able to travel a lot, and I can go do whatever

I like because I don't have kids.

I.

Now I have very deep respect for parents, and I truly believe that

raising humans is a spiritual calling.

It's just not my calling.

And I think it's really important for us to understand that it's

not our calling because there are a lot of bad parents out there.

And kids would suffer a lot less if people said, Hey, you

know what, this isn't for me.

those of us who have chosen not to have kids, There are so many reasons

behind our making that choice, and it's usually not because we don't like kids.

For myself and many of my child free friends, it's about wanting a

different lifestyle for ourselves.

Many of us didn't have carefree childhoods, and sometimes we had to be

the adult because our parents weren't.

So we don't necessarily wanna continue that into our adult lives.

Then some of us didn't have much freedom as young people.

So freedom is now a precious thing to us.

There are a multitude of reasons and everyone is different, and this is

the point that I want to make today.

We need to make the choices that are right for us and that allow

us to live the lives that we dream of, even if others don't like it.

And this is really important when we're talking about our health, fitness, and

food choices because it can be challenging to make big changes in those areas if

the people around us are not supportive.

People also feel really free to make comments.

I.

Jokes and public judgements around others' food choices, and for the most

part, it's been socially acceptable.

For example, if we discover that a food doesn't work for us like gluten or dairy,

or even if we're just trying to make healthier choices, people will often mock

or shame us for being high maintenance or trying to avoid certain foods.

Maybe you grew up in a family or culture where the food was unhealthy or

maybe it wasn't unhealthy, but it just doesn't work for your body and your

health goals at this stage of your life.

It's really common for food to be an expression of love in a family.

So in either scenario, saying no to those foods or changing your

eating habits, Would mean some sort of disconnection from, or maybe a

rejection of that family or culture.

And from a biological standpoint, this makes perfect sense.

On a cellular nervous system level, we fear being alienated from our

communities because in primal times, that could have meant death for us, right?

Thankfully, that's no longer the case in modern life, but it can feel really scary

to make changes when we know that it may make others uncomfortable or unhappy.

Another layer that's present here is that we have also been brainwashed

by big food corporations, big agriculture and the media to see

junk foods as a treat or reward when they're actually harmful to us.

Now, of course, I am not talking about the occasional indulgence, like enjoying cake

on your birthday, you're at a wedding, or having a great dinner out here and there,

and having dessert and a glass of wine.

I'm talking about the foods that we eat day in and day out, the foods

that make up our regular diet.

Okay.

Along with that message from, you know, the media and big food.

Along with that comes the message that we shouldn't deprive ourselves.

And while it is not emotionally or physically healthy to live in

a state of constant deprivation, I think we need to really change our

thinking about what deprivation is.

Never allowing ourselves.

To indulge in something decadent and delicious is one thing that is not good.

But on the other hand, just allowing ourselves to eat whatever we want,

whenever we want, regardless of how it affects our bodies, is

something very, very different.

And I think it's really dangerous to think about avoiding or limiting foods that

harm our bodies as depriving ourselves.

And the reality here is that there is always a trade off happening, okay?

If we choose to say no to those what I call glissy foods, foods that are

usually very high glycemic, so high sugar or high, you know, starch, empty

calorie foods, if we choose to say no to those, well no, we're not gonna get

that momentary rush of endorphins or that that dopamine hit that we get, but,

We'll feel more energetic and struggle less with our body composition or illness

if we instead choose nutrient-dense foods that actually nourish our bodies.

And the flip side of this is that if we choose to chronically overindulge, I.

In those bliss foods or in foods that don't work for us or serve our bodies

well, we are depriving ourselves of feeling energetic and vibrant, and we're

depriving ourselves of enjoying our bodies and feeling good in our own skin.

We might deprive ourselves of longevity, right?

And mobility as we age.

These are a big deal.

The thing that's frustrating and sad for me is that I hear all the time

from people that they don't wanna stop eating this junk food or that

junk food, et cetera, but they still wanna get the results that would

require either eliminating or greatly reducing those foods in their diet.

And I think that this is a product of diet, culture, and weight loss

companies who for decades, have been pushing this idea on us that

you can still quote unquote, you know, eat all the foods you love.

Really, you're just eating less of them or smaller quantities.

Right.

And as I've talked about in past episodes, what ends up happening is

that people are trying to eat smaller portions of the same empty calorie foods.

What they need to be doing is eating more nutrient-dense foods that are

actually nourishing their bodies.

And when we're cutting those calories and just eating less of these empty

calorie foods, we're just getting less and less nutrition and setting

ourselves up for failure, right?

I mean, talk about deprivation.

You are literally depriving your body of the building blocks and the nutrients

that it needs to function, right?

And this is where I think that believing we deserve something more.

That we deserve something better, really comes into play.

If we can shift from trying to, you know, grab whatever gives us that little

momentary hit of pleasure, and instead decide that we're going to trade that

for feeling good in our bodies more often, feeding ourselves in a way that

helps our bodies function optimally and start to think of what we really want for

ourselves, then we're getting somewhere.

And if we ask ourselves, Do what we want to live in a cycle of feeling

awful, but then having a momentary fix where maybe we're happy while

we're eating the cookies or eating the pizza, or whatever it might be.

Or do we wanna live lives where we're treating our bodies with true respect most

of the time where eating foods that really nourish us and that give us what we need.

Foods that help us make the neurotransmitters that help us feel

good most of the time versus, you know, feeling rotten a lot of the

time and then needing those quick dopamine fixes that don't last.

But here's the thing, if deep down inside we don't actually believe that

we deserve that respect, That nurturing and that nourishment, we're going

to struggle to give it to ourselves.

I know because I struggle with this myself, and I see clients

struggle with it all the time.

So here's what I suggest in the same way that it's really unlikely I.

You're going to go from hating your body to just loving your body magically

because someone told you you should.

It's also really hard to go from not believing that you deserve

to take good care of yourself, to feeling worthy of doing what it takes

to feel your best or to have the life that you dream of overnight.

It's not gonna happen.

I can tell you until I'm blue in the face, how worthy and deserving you are.

But until you believe it yourself, it's going to be really tough to make the

necessary changes to feel your best.

You need to feel safe and cared for in your body.

And if you try to do too much too fast as you're working on changing your

nutrition, your exercise, um, your self-care mindset, all of those things,

if you try to do too much too fast.

It will make your nervous system really well nervous.

So in order to feel safer as you move forward, it's really key to take small

steps so that you can establish some self-trust, some self-respect, and

start to understand what does and does not work for you and for your body.

And this takes some experimentation and a lot of courage for sure.

But by taking these small little steps and dipping your toe in the water,

it can help your nervous system feel a lot safer because each thing that

you try and do successfully will make you feel more safe, and you're

more likely to repeat that behavior.

Okay.

And you might have to repeat the same thing for a while.

I mean, just as an example, maybe you start with the goal of.

Let's say drinking enough water each day.

Okay, great.

Gradually and start increasing the amount of water that you drink every day.

Don't worry about anything else.

Just start with that one simple goal, and then really reward yourself and

give yourself a mental pat on the back.

Every time you drink a glass of water, maybe you have an actual gold

star chart on your refrigerator.

Do something that feels gratifying, even if it's, you know, checking it off

on a list, whatever that is for you.

I.

And then once you kind of have that down and you're like, Hey, I'm drinking

enough water every day, or I'm, I'm drinking enough water almost all the

time, then you can add something else in.

And here is maybe a better example.

So in the context of what we're talking about, let's say that you realized

that you have a gluten sensitivity.

If you are a people pleaser or you're worried about eating out with friends

and asking for special accommodation from the wait staff and being like

that person, which I've been there, no one wants to be the, princess who's

all precious about everything and has to have, you know, everything.

Just so, but here's the thing, if you're gracious and you come

from a place of genuine, like, Hey, this doesn't work for me.

Nobody cares most of the time.

So what I recommend in this scenario would be to try asking for

gluten-free menu options when you're out with someone that's really safe.

So maybe it's your spouse or it's a friend who will not be critical of you and who

will be supportive of your efforts to avoid foods that don't work for you.

I've had scenarios where, and I think I've, I've given this example on podcasts

previously, where if you're eating out with a group of people, maybe it's a

business lunch or dinner, or you're with new friends or people you don't

know really well, who don't feel.

Super safe, or you don't necessarily want to announce all

your, you know, food allergies or intolerances in front of the table.

Go a little early and tell the server, Hey, I've got some food restrictions.

Can we, you know, work out what I'm gonna order beforehand?

And then when they come to the table, you give them your order.

You don't have to say anything about being gluten-free or whatever it is in

front of everyone else at the table.

The server already knows.

If they have to alter your order in any way and bing bang, boom, you're done.

You're good to go.

Another example of this is if you're going to someone else's home offer

to bring a dish with you that you can eat and enjoy and you know,

bring something that makes you feel good and that works for your body.

And in that scenario, maybe you don't even have to mention to anyone that

you're trying to be gluten-free.

Just bring your dish and don't rely on someone else to provide something

that's going to work for you.

You and only you are in charge of your body and your health.

The people who really love you or care about you, they're going

to want your highest good, even if it makes them uncomfortable

as you start to make changes.

People get used to interacting with us in a certain way or seeing us in a

certain light, and when that changes, it's their nervous system that can

start to freak out a little bit.

But guess what?

That is not your responsibility.

It's your job to stay true to yourself and do what's right for you.

And it's their job to do the same for themselves, okay?

What they're experiencing is really none of your business.

Your only responsibility is to take care of you.

And often what can happen, keep in mind like your choices may shine

a light on things that they may know they need to change but aren't

ready to, and that can make them feel sort of judged or threatened.

Again, this is not your fault.

That's about them and their stuff, so let them take care of their own stuff.

You worry about yours and trust me, everyone will be better off in the long

run and if there is someone that is not supportive or who is not supportive of you

making decisions or changes that you need to for your own wellbeing and happiness.

Well, you may be better off without them in your life.

Now, that's kind of an extreme example, but sometimes when we break away from

the identity or lifestyle that we've held for a really long time, it ends up

sifting out certain people along the way.

And that's okay because you'll end up drawing people who are more aligned

with your value system and the person who you are or want to become.

And as you practice these things, it does get easier.

But it will take time.

Standing up for yourself is not always easy and it's, it's a skill.

Standing up for yourself is a skill, and in order to get better at skills,

we have to practice them, right?

I really recommend checking out the book Tiny Habits by BJ Fog.

I know I've told you this before in other episodes, but I honestly

can't say enough about it.

He really lays out this concept of.

Making small changes in a lovely, gentle way.

And he's a behavioral research expert, so he is the guy leading a lot of the

research behind all of this, and he has the evidence to show that making

incremental small changes really works.

So if you've never read that book, definitely check it out.

I.

I'll put the link in the show notes, but my point here is to start taking some

small steps so that your nervous system doesn't feel like, whoa, holy crap.

This is a massive change.

This does not feel safe for me, because that's usually when the whole

self-sabotage thing will kick in.

You'll be subconsciously drawn back into whatever your old, familiar behaviors were

and away from whatever the new behaviors or the new habits are that you're

trying to establish, because it doesn't feel safe to you on a cellular level.

And unfortunately, oftentimes our nervous systems can feel safe in situations

that are not good for us, that are not healthy, and that are not indeed

safe at all, but they're familiar.

So it's the devil, you know, so to speak.

And you need to believe it yourself.

But I wanna tell you again that you deserve to feel good in your

own skin and to enjoy your body.

You deserve to take good care of yourself and to stop prioritizing

everyone else's needs before your own.

Your unique gifts and talents that you bring to this world are not

served by you playing small and feeling like crap all the time.

You are as worthy as every other human being on this planet of love and

nurturing and nourishment, and I wanna encourage you parents out there who

think that you are helping your kids out by putting their needs above your own.

But I want you to remember that they're going to model your behavior

by caring for yourself, for your body and soul with respect and reverence.

You'll teach them that it's okay for them to do the same thing.

Kids often don't do what we tell them to do.

They do what we model for them and what they see us do.

And this is how we empower other women and girls to break the cycle of

running ourselves into the ground and still feeling like we're not enough.

It starts with you and when others see that you can do it,

they'll realize that they can too.

So that's what I have for you today.

It was kind of a quick one, but I think it's an important one.

And look, I should also mention that I, I know that I'm speaking

from a place of privilege here.

I am really fortunate that I've had access to therapy and coaching and healthy

real food because many people do not.

And I'm gonna include a link to the environmental working group's,

good food on a tight budget guide.

I don't agree with everything that guide, but it's still a massive improvement

over the standard American diet.

Um, so it's a good place to start that shows you some alternatives to highly

processed empty calorie foods, so that you can start eating more nutritious foods

that really give your body what it needs.

Even if it's expensive.

So you know, not everyone can afford organic, fresh produce and

things all the time, or even have access to it where they live.

So that's a great place to start.

I'm also gonna include some resources in the show notes for practitioners

who specialize in helping you heal from unconscious patterns along

with some other free or low cost options for support in that realm.

Okay, so that's a wrap for season two.

I'll be taking a short break over the next few weeks, but I'll be back soon with

more great guests for you in season three.

As always, dmm me on Instagram or comment on my podcastPage@nutritioneditpodcast.com

with any questions or topics that you'd like me to cover in the future.

Thank you so much for joining me today, and I'll see you next time.