"I don't want to feel all these feelings"

"my feelings always get in my way"

"I have a focussed mind and then all of a sudden my anxiety takes over"

"I always get so nervous that i want to escape and leave and it hurts people"

"other people's feelings are so annoying"

"why is everybody so sensitive?"

It doesn't really matter what you think about your feelings or other peoples feelings THEY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.

To be emotionally tough means to me that you can handle your emotions, express them, channel them out and make the other people around you see you . ( toughness in a sense of : being able to live up to the challenge )

So let's learn to deal with them instead of trying to wish them away, suppress them or avoid them cause IT AIN'T WORKIN

enjoy this fiery episode of mine

with much love and respect

A.

Welcome to the Borealis Experience Podcast and Aurora Eggert Coaching 

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Free yourself from the ongoing destructive inner chatter.

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Unknown: 00:00:11

Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

Unknown: 00:00:17

your host Aurora. And I'm so very happy to be spending some

Unknown: 00:00:20

time with you today. I hope you're doing well, I hope you

Unknown: 00:00:24

feel safe and full of power, zero self doubt, zero obstacles

Unknown: 00:00:33

in your way. That would be quite nice, right? Well, some of us

Unknown: 00:00:40

have reached that point already and are thriving, and some of us

Unknown: 00:00:45

are still figuring out what makes us tick, what makes us

Unknown: 00:00:49

function very well what fields like the real flow for us? What

Unknown: 00:00:56

is our purpose? What are the people that we want to surround

Unknown: 00:01:00

ourselves with? That is just such big questions that are so

Unknown: 00:01:06

worth it to address. Because if you become your best version,

Unknown: 00:01:13

then you have to make sure that you know yourself best, the

Unknown: 00:01:18

better you know yourself, the better decisions you're going to

Unknown: 00:01:21

make in the future. And those decisions are not only going to

Unknown: 00:01:26

impact you, but they're going to impact the whole world around

Unknown: 00:01:30

you, your whole ecosystem that is around you. And that in turn

Unknown: 00:01:37

will affect you right back. Today I want to talk about

Unknown: 00:01:42

emotional toughness. The other day I heard that a client, a

Unknown: 00:01:51

coaching client wanted to be and feel invincible, to his

Unknown: 00:01:58

emotions. He is sick and tired to be nervous to feel like a

Unknown: 00:02:05

wreck, to be uncertain to have self doubt. He just wants to be

Unknown: 00:02:11

successful and not feel these feelings of anxiety anymore. He

Unknown: 00:02:17

gets really frustrated and angry about this. And that, of course

Unknown: 00:02:22

doesn't make it better. Well, what can I recommend here? When

Unknown: 00:02:30

it comes to emotional toughness? The thing that I have learned is

Unknown: 00:02:36

that if you learn to see your emotions as an ally, more than

Unknown: 00:02:44

an enemy, or if you don't want to see them as an ally, but an

Unknown: 00:02:50

opponent, so to say, then we can start a conversation about okay,

Unknown: 00:02:56

what are emotions? How come that emotions are running your life?

Unknown: 00:03:01

Why are your emotions at the steering wheel? And why is it

Unknown: 00:03:06

not your rational self? What can we do to eliminate these

Unknown: 00:03:12

emotions to have them gone once and for all. So the thing that

Unknown: 00:03:18

I've learned is that the more you push back, the more you

Unknown: 00:03:23

don't want certain emotions in your life, the stronger they're

Unknown: 00:03:26

going to come back. It is a vicious cycle. You can't

Unknown: 00:03:30

suppress strong emotions. It is how you learned to cope with

Unknown: 00:03:36

situations that is how you learn to react and respond in certain

Unknown: 00:03:41

situations or to life in general. What we can change is

Unknown: 00:03:47

your attitudes and your view on life. The way you see people the

Unknown: 00:03:54

thoughts that you have around life in general, the wounds that

Unknown: 00:04:01

you can still heal from the past, because you might still

Unknown: 00:04:06

cling to survival mechanisms that involve strong emotions,

Unknown: 00:04:12

strong emotions were there and the past for you to feel

Unknown: 00:04:16

protected and safe. But maybe you're not exposed to intense

Unknown: 00:04:23

threat anymore. Or maybe you just want to address stressful

Unknown: 00:04:28

situations, challenges, obstacles, opportunities with a

Unknown: 00:04:35

new and fresh mind. And this is where coaching comes into play.

Unknown: 00:04:43

Because it is during your coaching sessions that you will

Unknown: 00:04:48

uncover reveal what is deep inside of you and what needs to

Unknown: 00:04:55

come out in order to have

Unknown: 00:05:00

Halsey responses, in order to have a more detached approach to

Unknown: 00:05:09

things. And the balance here, the art here is to not become

Unknown: 00:05:15

too detached and to have everything in your life not, you

Unknown: 00:05:22

know, touching you anymore. Because that would mean that

Unknown: 00:05:26

your heart is closed, you got sick walls around you. And you

Unknown: 00:05:32

would have very, very hard time to connect with people because

Unknown: 00:05:36

you need to be emotional, and emotionally flexible, you need

Unknown: 00:05:43

to have empathy with people. So all those feelings are good,

Unknown: 00:05:49

they make you connect with people, but I get it when it is

Unknown: 00:05:52

just too much. When the cat down the road passed away. And after

Unknown: 00:05:57

three weeks, you're still sad because of this. Not to diminish

Unknown: 00:06:04

our relationship to our dear pets and animals in general. But

Unknown: 00:06:08

maybe you you're getting my point here, there is situations

Unknown: 00:06:12

where we deeply want to grieve, where we just have to go through

Unknown: 00:06:19

the pain, and be patient with ourselves and sit with it, and

Unknown: 00:06:24

not wanting it to go away. But let's take public speaking, for

Unknown: 00:06:29

instance, I totally get it that after a while of trying to

Unknown: 00:06:34

publicly speak in front of people and you still get

Unknown: 00:06:38

nervous, you'd still get the jitters. You're just getting

Unknown: 00:06:42

exhausted and tired and frustrated with yourself, you

Unknown: 00:06:45

just want to be confident once and for all. And you want people

Unknown: 00:06:49

to see you for the person you are. Well the thing is that with

Unknown: 00:06:56

coaching, we will change the way you approach public speaking for

Unknown: 00:07:03

instance, or if you have any other fear or any other

Unknown: 00:07:06

situation in your life where you become very emotional. It can be

Unknown: 00:07:10

anger, it can be anxiety, nervousness, whatever it is, we

Unknown: 00:07:16

will go behind the scenes and find out what are the thoughts

Unknown: 00:07:21

that trigger these emotions, because I'm a strong believer.

Unknown: 00:07:26

And I've done that work on myself. And I'm still doing

Unknown: 00:07:30

that, that I observe my thoughts that trigger these strong

Unknown: 00:07:35

emotions, I observe my beliefs that I have that trigger the

Unknown: 00:07:41

strong emotions. And then what I do is I question them. Really,

Unknown: 00:07:46

are you really nervous, because you want to please everybody,

Unknown: 00:07:51

every single person out of the 10,000 people that are listening

Unknown: 00:07:54

to you? Well, darling, this is never gonna be the case, there

Unknown: 00:07:58

will always be people who don't agree with you who don't want to

Unknown: 00:08:02

listen to what you have to say. And you got to suck it up. You

Unknown: 00:08:10

got to toughen up in that area that you want to please and feel

Unknown: 00:08:14

adored by everybody. Because that is not the case. What I

Unknown: 00:08:19

want to encourage you to do when it is about public speaking is

Unknown: 00:08:23

that you when you train every 10 seconds, every minute, once you

Unknown: 00:08:30

train for a little while that you remind yourself from the

Unknown: 00:08:35

inside out, what is your mission and your vision here? What is it

Unknown: 00:08:42

that you're coming here to do? And to talk about? Is it to be

Unknown: 00:08:47

famous? Is it to draw attention to you? Or is it to serve

Unknown: 00:08:53

people, to help people out educate people to inspire and

Unknown: 00:08:58

motivate and empower people? See those are two very different

Unknown: 00:09:03

things. And if I can get behind your multiviewer intention and

Unknown: 00:09:10

talk with you about it, then we can slowly boil the emotions

Unknown: 00:09:14

down. Because we'd heard if you have the right intentions, then

Unknown: 00:09:19

there is nothing to be nervous about. And then people will

Unknown: 00:09:23

embrace and listen to you and there will still be some people

Unknown: 00:09:27

that are not willing to listen to you. And that is okay. We're

Unknown: 00:09:33

going to learn to be more okay with not seeking out approval

Unknown: 00:09:38

with not needing approval from other people. When you know

Unknown: 00:09:42

exactly what your mission is and your intentions are

Unknown: 00:09:47

to serve people. So, when it comes to other situation when it

Unknown: 00:09:53

comes to talking to a date, talking to the opposite sex

Unknown: 00:09:58

talking to people at your workplace, we can also get

Unknown: 00:10:03

behind the strong emotions, the strong feelings of nervousness

Unknown: 00:10:07

and find out what are the thoughts that are triggering

Unknown: 00:10:11

your machine? And how can we tell your subconscious that you

Unknown: 00:10:17

are safe today that you have the tools that you need, in order to

Unknown: 00:10:23

function? Well, just like you want it, you are resourceful,

Unknown: 00:10:28

you are full of ideas and inspiration and people feel

Unknown: 00:10:34

drawn to you. And you can let go of that nervousness that used to

Unknown: 00:10:41

protect you maybe we don't know, we would find out in a couple of

Unknown: 00:10:46

conversations. So emotional toughness is such an incredible

Unknown: 00:10:51

juicy and good topic to talk about because it is not about

Unknown: 00:10:55

suffocating, and punishing the feelings that come up, but to

Unknown: 00:11:00

deeply make sense of them, to put them all out on the lawn, or

Unknown: 00:11:07

on the table and weed through them and see what is valid of or

Unknown: 00:11:15

worthy of our attention. What can we draw up? And how can we

Unknown: 00:11:21

help you to move on more empowered? How can we befriend

Unknown: 00:11:25

you with your emotions, so that you can use your emotions to

Unknown: 00:11:29

your advantage so that they don't hold you back anymore and

Unknown: 00:11:34

cripple you, where you can maybe even speak out about the

Unknown: 00:11:40

emotions that you feel, you know, when you are in a

Unknown: 00:11:42

conversation, and all of a sudden, a person makes you

Unknown: 00:11:44

nervous or you get angry, then you can tell them, hey, this

Unknown: 00:11:50

actually hurts me when you say this. I don't know why. But this

Unknown: 00:11:54

is how I feel right now. And maybe we can work through this

Unknown: 00:11:58

or who I'm getting really nervous here. Maybe it is

Unknown: 00:12:01

because I want to, you know, be the best version of myself. And

Unknown: 00:12:07

I feel that you are an awesome person. And I don't want to

Unknown: 00:12:11

disappoint you, you know how absolutely sexy and beautiful it

Unknown: 00:12:15

is when a person can be open about how they feel. Because

Unknown: 00:12:20

trust me, that other person feels your nervousness feels

Unknown: 00:12:23

your frustration, people feel that you're suppressing

Unknown: 00:12:27

something. And if you can be open about it, you take that

Unknown: 00:12:32

energy, that pressure outside of you, you put it on the table,

Unknown: 00:12:37

and between you and the audience or you and the other person. And

Unknown: 00:12:41

then you can deal with it. And it dissolves most of the time.

Unknown: 00:12:47

That's the beautiful thing about emotions, as soon as you express

Unknown: 00:12:51

them authentically, honestly, not lying to yourself. And

Unknown: 00:12:58

others, you can see wonders unfold. And know that your

Unknown: 00:13:05

emotions are good and healthy and they make you you. But if

Unknown: 00:13:09

you're still for some reason struggling with, you know, some

Unknown: 00:13:14

past issues with you have beliefs that are not serving you

Unknown: 00:13:19

and keeping you small, then address it. And it doesn't have

Unknown: 00:13:24

to be me it can be any coach out there that you come across. But

Unknown: 00:13:29

I want you to engage in that journey if you keep being

Unknown: 00:13:33

frustrated about the strong emotions that you have. Alright,

Unknown: 00:13:38

I'm leaving you on this note. I'm sending my love out to you.

Unknown: 00:13:43

Thank you so much for being here. I feel so honored to

Unknown: 00:13:46

connecting with you and to be serving you. I deeply care about

Unknown: 00:13:51

you and your mental health. I want you to be your best

Unknown: 00:13:54

version. I want you to know yourself. And then make the

Unknown: 00:14:01

decisions that make you happy. Set the boundaries that make you

Unknown: 00:14:05

feel great. And love the people have the people clothes that

Unknown: 00:14:10

inspire you and make you feel good and all that jazz. Alright,

Unknown: 00:14:16

lots of love. Until next time. Bye bye