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What Is Empathy in Leadership (And Why It Builds Trust) | RR353
Episode 35310th March 2026 • Relationships Rule • Janice Porter
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Trust feels more fragile than ever right now, and I believe leaders are being asked to navigate change, uncertainty, and higher expectations in ways we have not seen before. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller, EQ expert, TEDx speaker, and author of The Empathic Leader, to talk about empathy as a practical leadership skill that builds trust, improves culture, and drives results.

Melissa helped me broaden how I think about empathy. It is not only about “feeling what someone feels.” She explains emotional empathy, cognitive empathy, and self-empathy, and why leaders can take another person’s perspective even if they do not experience the same emotions. We also talk about the difference between real empathy and performative empathy, and why curiosity is one of the clearest signals that empathy is genuine.

One of my favorite moments was hearing her simple leadership reminder: trust is often built through visibility and small actions, one person at a time. If you lead a team, manage from the middle, or you are stepping into leadership for the first time, this conversation will give you both insight and real-world tools you can use immediately.

Key takeaways

  1. Empathy is both a gift and a skill. You can learn it, practice it, and get better at it over time.
  2. Cognitive empathy matters. You can understand someone’s perspective without taking on all the feelings, which helps prevent burnout.
  3. Trust is built through visibility and consistency. Culture forms in the everyday moments when people are watching what leaders do.
  4. Performative empathy is self-focused. Genuine empathy is other-focused and includes curiosity.
  5. Empathy and judgment cannot exist in the same space. The more we compare through our own lens, the harder it is to truly empathize.

You can find Melissa at:

https://eqviaempathy.com/

melissa.a.robinson@gmail.com

In appreciation for being here, I have some gifts for you:

A LinkedIn Checklist for setting up your fully optimized Profile:

An opportunity to test drive the Follow Up system I recommend by checking this presentation page - you won’t regret it.

AND … Don’t forget to connect with me on LinkedIn and be eligible for my complimentary LinkedIn profile audit – I do one each month for a lucky listener!

Connect with me:

http://JanicePorter.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/janiceporter/

https://www.facebook.com/janiceporter1

https://www.instagram.com/socjanice/


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Transcripts

Speaker:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: That's all right.

Janice Porter:

Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's

Janice Porter:

episode of relationships rule. You know, in today's business

Janice Porter:

world, trust feels more fragile than ever. I actually, really

Janice Porter:

believe that. I think that so much has changed and we have to

Janice Porter:

be and I love that it's moving back around to that in a way,

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because it's about people and relationships, and we're coming

Janice Porter:

back to that even in this world of AI teams are navigating

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change, uncertainty and higher expectations, yet, many leaders

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are still relying on outdated models that prioritize control

Janice Porter:

over connection. What if the real competitive advantage today

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is empathy? Well, I'm joined today by an expert in that

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field, Dr Melissa Robinson wine Miller. She is an EQ expert, a

Janice Porter:

TEDx speaker, and author of the book The Empathic leader. We

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explore how empathy is not a soft skill, but a strategic one,

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and how trust is built moment by moment through emotionally

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intelligent leadership. Welcome to the show. Oh, thank you so

Janice Porter:

much for having me. Janice, this is fantastic. Oh, no, I'm

Janice Porter:

excited. I am. I mentioned before we went on air that I

Janice Porter:

watched your TEDx talk, and I'm always in awe of people who

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actually do those and yours was a brilliant story and also

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really spoke to the importance of empathy. And I see, I don't

Janice Porter:

know this isn't even on my notes, I kind of see empathy,

Janice Porter:

and I could be totally wrong, but I see it as a gift. I think

Janice Porter:

people who are empathic or empathy, I don't know which word

Janice Porter:

to use now, empathic or empathetic anyway, empathic. I

Janice Porter:

think I like that word better.

Janice Porter:

I think that's a gift. I don't know. But is it a skill or Okay,

Janice Porter:

yeah, it's both. There's some research that shows that we, I

Janice Porter:

mean, we do have some biological hard wiring. You know, they

Janice Porter:

start with, like, infants and seeing how, when, when they're

Janice Porter:

in, like, an ICU, and there's a lot of infants together, when

Janice Porter:

one starts crying, others will. It's called emotional contagion.

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So it's the same idea, if you're in a room and or, like, at a

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sporting event, and everybody's like, whoa, and you feel that

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energy and that excitement. So it kind of starts there

Janice Porter:

biologically, but it's also a skill, which means we can learn

Janice Porter:

it and we can get better at it. So I agree it's a gift, but I

Janice Porter:

also think it's a gift you can give yourself.

Janice Porter:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: Tell me about that. Well, if it's not

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something that you have a talent for I mean, like, it doesn't

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ooze out of you, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, like for me, I am

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never going to have a talent for basketball no matter what I do.

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I'm five foot three if I really try,

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and I'm just no good at it, but I could take whatever talent I

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did have and get better at it, if I would practice right,

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which, which, as far as basketball is concerned, I'm

Janice Porter:

not, but Right. But same thing with empathy. I mean, you may

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not have a huge talent for it, but if you practice it and you

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do it over and over again, you're going to get better at

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it. So Well, okay, but is it a? Is it a? Is

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it a matter of how you perceive things. So you know how some

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people are numbers people, and some people are are words,

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people, some people right, and some people are

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project oriented, and some people are people oriented. So

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same thing. How you look at people? Do you look at them with

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that warm, fuzzy of empathy, or do you look at them in a more,

Janice Porter:

you know, matter of fact way? Oh, that's such a good question.

Janice Porter:

I don't know where that came from, but that's okay. Go for

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it. It's fantastic, because it actually goes to the root of

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what I teach. Because a lot of times in society, when we think

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empathy, we think feelings, I feel, what you FEEL, and that's

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one kind of empathy, but there's 43 different definitions of

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empathy, goodness, yes, and that one that's about feeling, that's

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one of them, but it's not all of them. Empathy is about taking

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the perspective of the other person. And you can do that with

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feelings. You can do that through thoughts. You can do

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that. Talk about empathy with nature. Talk about somatic

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empathy, where, like you physically think you know feel

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what they're feeling. So if your style is is more cerebral, there

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is something called cognitive empathy, which is, I logically

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understand your situation, your feeling, where you're at. I just

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don't feel anything. You know, there's different ways to

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approach this, so just not being a warm fuzzy doesn't mean you

Janice Porter:

don't have empathy, or that you shouldn't have empathy. Ooh,

Janice Porter:

that's interesting. I would never think of somebody who's

Janice Porter:

not a warm fuzzy having an.

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Empathy. So I guess that opens things up in the sense of

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defining empathy in a business context, because not everybody

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at the top in the leadership positions are that way inclined

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or feel or seem that way, right? So

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I'm going to read this question because it's two

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parts. Many leaders still equate authority with control. What

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shifts when a leader moves from command and control to

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connection and collaboration? So I'm I'm sensing that the

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authority the control is, what that type of person at the helm

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is, is

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seen as not empathic and not warm fuzzy, right? So

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Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: could they still be, and how does that

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look? Oh, they absolutely could be. So when you're thinking of a

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command and control style of leadership, that kind of goes

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back to like a managerial approach to leadership, where

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you look at the organization is a machine, and the people are

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cogs, which means that if they're broke, they're broke in

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the air quotes, they need to be fixed, and that means pulling

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cogs out and putting cogs in and hammering it into whatever you

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need it to be. And that kind of command and control doesn't

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allow for the fact that things move, they evolve, they grow,

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they contract, they do all these different things. So as long as

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you keep that kind of ham fisted authoritarian control on

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organizations, you're not actually giving room to grow.

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The best you can hope for is to keep it clicking along. And

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that's not going to happen forever, whereas if you move

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more to an empathic style of leadership, one that you know

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leans towards servant leadership, or transformational

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leadership, or some of these other things. Now you're looking

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at the organization as an organism. It's going to grow,

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it's going to get bigger, it's going to get smaller. The

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components and the different systems within are going to

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change it. The thing is, is a machine cannot evolve, but an

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organism can, and especially in this age of AI and tech and

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everything that's going on, we have got to be able to evolve or

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become extinct.

Janice Porter:

It's so true, isn't it? Okay? So let's just

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back up for a second. So when I listened to your and watched

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your TED talk, we you talk about the three kinds of empathy, or

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you say there's 43 types, but the three base, I guess the

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three main ones, right?

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Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: They're the three that I pull out

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specifically for leadership. Yeah. Okay, so tell us about

Janice Porter:

those. So the Yeah, so the first one is emotional empathy, and

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that is that I feel what you feel. And that's the one that's

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usually fast. It's instinctive. You know, the people that that

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do it well, like, just look and they know, you know, they're

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they read people really well. Yes, it's intuitive, highly

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intuitive. Yeah, yeah, precisely. So that's, that's

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more the emotional side. The cognitive side is the logical. I

Janice Porter:

don't necessarily understand your feelings, but I can see the

Janice Porter:

situation and understand it, and it's slower, it's iterative.

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Usually you're thinking about it, you're kind of sussing out

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the situation. It's going to be a lot more, you know, the

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engineering types and the mathematical and the numbers

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people, where you can really get a hold of what's going on, but

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there's no real feelings involved. I don't get those

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people, so, okay, but, but I do understand, I can recognize

Janice Porter:

them, yeah, yeah. Positions sometimes fall into this, which

Janice Porter:

is funny, because they're in a field that has so much empathy

Janice Porter:

in it, you know, that kind of thing, yeah. But leaders,

Janice Porter:

especially, they, they, if they can get a hold of that, they can

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help get away from empathy fatigue and empathy burnout.

Janice Porter:

Anyway, there's those two, and then the third that I talk about

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is self empathy, because we have a lot of these people in these

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leadership positions that are really driven, they're

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motivated, they're smart, they're high self actualizing.

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But they don't necessarily make great leaders, because they've

Janice Porter:

never been taught to be great leaders. They get into these

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positions because they bring in the most sales, or they have the

Janice Porter:

best clients or the best technician, so now they're in

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this position where they're expected to step up and do

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something that maybe they haven't done before, and all

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those smarts work against them, because that's where imposter

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syndrome comes in. I was just going to say the Peter Principle

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comes into effect. Yeah, right, absolutely. And without that

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self empathy to be able to say, Yeah, I am a gunner, but this

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isn't necessarily my niche. Yeah, I'm a fantastic

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technician, but I'm going to have to have the self awareness

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to understand that now I'm leading other people and when

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they're not like me, yes, right, exactly. And that's where that

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self empathy comes in, being able to understand your

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awareness and where you fit into all this and and not bring in

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the man, I'm so stupid. I really messed that up. I can't make

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this happen.

Janice Porter:

You know what I mean? Yeah, no, no, it's interesting. And so

Janice Porter:

many people that are, you know, on that path like I'm I'm not. I

Janice Porter:

don't talk too much about corporate. But.

Janice Porter:

But the sense of people, whether it's on the path

Janice Porter:

for success on your own or in a big organization, you're so

Janice Porter:

focused and have blinders on about that, that sometimes these

Janice Porter:

other things get don't get

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taught or

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even being aware of them, because they're things that will

Janice Porter:

make you a better leader anyway, if you take those into

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consideration, I watched my my daughter in she's in corporate

Janice Porter:

America, actually, even though I'm Canadian, she's in corporate

Janice Porter:

America, and she's, she's got a big job now, and it's hard

Janice Porter:

because she's having To make that jump to be that leader, and

Janice Porter:

there's things you have to learn along the way that she probably

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hasn't yet. So having a coach to help her is really, actually

Janice Porter:

helping her. So I just, I don't know, I couldn't do it. It's too

Janice Porter:

I'm

Janice Porter:

I could never work for anybody else. I was a teacher in my

Janice Porter:

first life, and I loved that, but it got very bureaucratic,

Janice Porter:

and I didn't like that. So, yeah, I could never have done

Janice Porter:

what she does anyway. Okay, let's move on. I know that.

Janice Porter:

Okay, this is interesting.

Janice Porter:

Well, I don't know this. I'm not going to say that.

Janice Porter:

What are okay? First of all, can you share a story, either from

Janice Porter:

your own experience or clients where empathy transformed trust

Janice Porter:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: within a team? Absolutely. Oh, good,

Janice Porter:

yeah, because that's one of the, one of the big things that

Janice Porter:

empathy does. It creates those connections which foster trust.

Janice Porter:

So I had a director that I was working with. I tend to actually

Janice Porter:

work a lot with middle management, okay, because, you

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know, they have the ability to lead both up and down, and

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usually they're young enough to see that the way things are

Janice Porter:

going are not going well, and they don't want to just fall

Janice Porter:

into that same old command and control model. Got it. And so

Janice Porter:

this guy knew he was walking in, and of course, these people were

Janice Porter:

like, well, we want you to change the culture. Never mind

Janice Porter:

that culture comes down from the top, and they're expecting him

Janice Porter:

to change this from the middle. But he was like, I have no idea

Janice Porter:

what to do with this. You know, I'm coming in as an interim.

Janice Porter:

They expect me to fix this quickly. What should I do? And

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I'm like, you've got to start with your people. You have got

Janice Porter:

to create a, know, like and trust factor with them, because

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they've been there for five years, 10 years, 20 years,

Janice Porter:

they're going to be your best resource, but they're not going

Janice Porter:

to be a resource if they don't trust you. So it's like your job

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is to go in and every day I want you to make your rounds, which

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means I wanted him to go out and just walk down to the water

Janice Porter:

cooler in the core and see his people and say, How's it going,

Janice Porter:

and walk back 20 minutes, right? Yeah. I mean, plus it means he

Janice Porter:

got to get up from his computer, yeah, because leadership burnout

Janice Porter:

is is a thing. So that was it. Did not want him to do, you

Janice Porter:

know, hours and hours, just so they know your face. They know

Janice Porter:

you care. They start to trust you. And what happened was,

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within a matter of weeks, people started coming to him for ideas,

Janice Porter:

to correct inefficiencies, things that they had come to the

Janice Porter:

previous guy before, but he just kind of didn't want to hear it,

Janice Porter:

or they were scared to talk to him, because the only time he

Janice Porter:

came out of his office, they thought everybody was getting

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fired, you know, so they took them. There was no liaison.

Janice Porter:

There was no showing interest in the in his staff at all. So in

Janice Porter:

this case, that made the huge difference, see the people. See

Janice Porter:

them, right? And understand their people. Yeah, you know,

Janice Porter:

these are they. They're not cogs, they're people. They're

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not inputs, they're people. And that's all it took, because they

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did start to come to Him, because they started to trust

Janice Porter:

him. Their productivity got better when he walked in. He had

Janice Porter:

employee engagement scores like in the mid 70s. By the time he

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finished up this interim thing, which became full time, they

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were in the up in the 90s, because they actually trusted

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him. They weren't worried about getting the rug yanked out from

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underneath them all the time, and his center actually showed a

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prophet.

Janice Porter:

Interesting. So that made me think of another

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question.

Janice Porter:

Um, and I don't want it to sound sexist, I just I'm very curious,

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does it?

Janice Porter:

It could be the exact opposite that what I'm was thinking. But

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do women have the same or different

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experience, or excuse me, one second

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experience. Or

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is it easier or not for them on the emotional side, or are women

Janice Porter:

having to work harder to get to those levels that it's harder

Janice Porter:

for them to even think about that? Does that make sense? Yes,

Janice Porter:

it does. And actually, that's really good insight, because

Janice Porter:

there's, in my experience, there's a little bit of both. I

Janice Porter:

mean, there are those that do come in with with a little more

Janice Porter:

emotion.

Janice Porter:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: All agility, you know, into these

Janice Porter:

positions. But unfortunately, because it is a male dominated

Janice Porter:

world, yes, a lot of them do kind of try to outman the men,

Janice Porter:

which means they actually go to the other side. Yes, that's what

Janice Porter:

I was thinking. Yeah. Okay, and so do they come for help more

Janice Porter:

easily? Or do they know that they're being like that, because

Janice Porter:

I would think that,

Janice Porter:

I don't know, I think that might be harder for

Janice Porter:

them to see that they're being like that. Yes, in my

Janice Porter:

experience, it is for two reasons. I mean, one is because

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they've already bought into this idea of this is how I need to be

Janice Porter:

to excel, and if they've excelled, then it's showing

Janice Porter:

that, at least to some degree it's working, yeah, you know.

Janice Porter:

And the other side of that too is, is just that even if they

Janice Porter:

change the way they are, they're still in the same culture. So if

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you're in a culture that isn't going to foster that, it's going

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to be really hard to make those kind of changes. Yeah,

Janice Porter:

interesting. Can you think of like a company where

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they're a great example of

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empathic leaders,

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Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: you know, the one I bring up, and

Janice Porter:

this one, it's a little dated, but I don't think so much. Was

Janice Porter:

Tony Shea and Zappos. Oh, wow. He had his kindness first

Janice Porter:

philosophy. Yes, he was, yeah, yeah. I mean, what he did with

Janice Porter:

that company, and actually being able to create a corporate

Janice Porter:

structure around it was amazing. And he showed that story, you

Janice Porter:

know, in the end, it was a sad story, right? Didn't he get

Janice Porter:

suicide? Yeah, I don't think. I don't remember it was suicide or

Janice Porter:

not, but the stuff he was doing definitely killed him. Okay, oh,

Janice Porter:

right, okay, right. Anyway, okay, but yeah, I remember that

Janice Porter:

that was that was quite the story at the time. Yeah. Okay,

Janice Porter:

so

Janice Porter:

what would you say are the small you might have

Janice Porter:

answered this already. What would you say are the small

Janice Porter:

daily behaviors that either build trust or slowly erode it.

Janice Porter:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: The big one is being visible and

Janice Porter:

actually showing that you're walking the talk. You know, when

Janice Porter:

you're in a leadership position, I mean as a musician, for a long

Janice Porter:

time. So I tend to think of things in these terms, but you

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are always on stage. Someone is always watching, someone is

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always seeing what you're doing, and your culture happens there.

Janice Porter:

I mean, it doesn't matter how much you want to pound a culture

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into place. If you're not living that culture, it's not going to

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happen. So as a leader, if your behaviors actually say, Yes, I'm

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trying to get to know these people. I can't know everybody's

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name, I can't know everybody's family, but at least I'm being

Janice Porter:

visible. They know who I am. I at least kind of know it vaguely

Janice Porter:

which departments they're in. You know now you're actually

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setting the tone for what's happening. For instance, I was

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working with a upper level C suite person, and he made sure

Janice Porter:

that on the name tags they had the first name in big letters,

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so that he could read it from across the room and the and the

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second name in small ones, just so that he could call people by

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name. And it was a small thing. And it isn't like his people

Janice Porter:

didn't know exactly what was going on, but it's the principle

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of the thing that he's making this attempt, you know, and

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that's what's going to build your culture one person and one

Janice Porter:

action at a time, and eroding it is the exact opposite. If you

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say my mission, vision and values are based on empathy, and

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then you don't show it at all, people are going to be like,

Janice Porter:

yeah, right. Okay, sure thing. Right, right. Okay. That brings

Janice Porter:

me to this, I think, interesting question that I sort of, I don't

Janice Porter:

know, okay. How can leaders tell the difference between genuine

Janice Porter:

empathy and what one might call performative empathy?

Janice Porter:

It's a question of where your focus is, okay, if your focus is

Janice Porter:

on yourself. And what can I get out of this, ooh, performative

Janice Porter:

empathy. If your focus is on the other person and taking their

Janice Porter:

perspective, there's curiosity involved, understanding who they

Janice Porter:

are and where they're coming from, that's real empathy. And

Janice Porter:

that's my favorite word, curiosity. My audience hear me

Janice Porter:

say that all the time, and so I love that because it's true,

Janice Porter:

because your focus is on the other person, and you're showing

Janice Porter:

that by asking them questions about them. It comes from the

Janice Porter:

right place. I think, at least I know I think it does so I love

Janice Porter:

that. Thank you.

Janice Porter:

So sometimes leaders worry that empathy may

Janice Porter:

make them look weak if they are empathic. How do you address

Janice Porter:

that misconception? Well, I go back to definitions, because

Janice Porter:

they do. I actually get that objection a lot, and it's like,

Janice Porter:

Okay, so what's your definition of empathy? Well, the definition

Janice Porter:

is, it's all feelings and puppies and rainbows,

Janice Porter:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: then, then, yeah, I mean, we're not

Janice Porter:

running the Care Bears here.

Janice Porter:

You know, it's a business, and a business has to run, but if your

Janice Porter:

definition of empathy is taking perspective and understanding

Janice Porter:

where the other person is at, there's nothing soft about that.

Janice Porter:

And in fact, it takes courage, because you're willing to see it

Janice Porter:

through the other person's eyes. So, you know, I think we really

Janice Porter:

need to understand what it is first,

Janice Porter:

yeah, and, and accept it, yes, right? And that

Janice Porter:

meaning of it, okay,

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if so, I have to, I have to ask you mentioned this already. I

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know that you played the French horn, yeah, and that, to me,

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that's a big instrument, and pretty, pretty

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powerful kind of instruments. So

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do you still use analogies about music? And how did you go from

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like music to this, multiple degrees and studying in school,

Janice Porter:

and then to become this, this expert in EQ from that, like,

Janice Porter:

it was a wild Lacher, weren't you? You're a professor of

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French horn, yeah? Like, I'm totally impressed. Anyway, thank

Janice Porter:

you. Yeah, no, it's been a, it's been a wild ride, for sure,

Janice Porter:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: yeah? I mean, I do, I do use music

Janice Porter:

analogy if I think people are going to understand it? I mean,

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one of the ones that I like is this idea of a conductor in an

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orchestra, right? Because you have the conductor, and they're

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up there as the leader, and they're doing all these

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wonderful things, and they're visible, and they're the ones

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that the crowd sees. But I have seen an orchestra when something

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happens to the conductor finish an entire symphony by themselves

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without a leader. And I have also seen conductors practicing

Janice Porter:

where they're in front of a mirror and there's like nobody

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there. So the orchestra is able to survive without the

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conductor, not as well, not with the same vision and strategy,

Janice Porter:

but the conductor has a real hard time surviving without an

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orchestra. And I think leadership is the same. You

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know, the two are better with each other, yes, but they are,

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you know, there is a difference there than what people think

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they the orchestra can survive just fine without that

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conductor, at least to a certain degree. So I have to ask you,

Janice Porter:

oh, sorry, were you finished? I apologize, yeah. No, no, that's

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fine. So

Janice Porter:

I have to ask you then. So I think of musicians

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again. It could be a cliche, and one shouldn't do this, but I

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think of musicians as being

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what I would say as numbers people, math people. It's all

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about patterns and numbers and so on. And if they're a good

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musician, they also feel the music, of course, and they have

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both sides. But

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when I think of,

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when I think of

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them being people, like being leaders,

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empathic leaders, as your book is called, then they're, they're

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not usually that kind of person. It's just me making things up in

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my head. But

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can you speak to that? Like, did you have any were you interested

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in? Like, how did you get to that place where you went and

Janice Porter:

studied empathy and psych, you know, I guess it's psychology

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and people and all those things. And,

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Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: yeah, yeah. Well, I'll circle back to

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that one about the about the musicians first. Because, okay,

Janice Porter:

that's a really cool point. But the way, yeah, the way I got

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from here to there was not a straight line.

Janice Porter:

I mean, yeah, well, I've learned a lot, you

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know, I love music. I had done it from the time I was young.

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It's like, all I wanted to do, I got to do some really cool stuff

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because of it. I mean, I got to play with Ray Charles, and I got

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to play with, I'm steamroller, and I got to travel and do

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things that that otherwise just probably wouldn't have happened,

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you know, but it's, it's not very stable, just gigging. So

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went, got the first doctorate, went to actually get a tenure

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track french horn professorship, which, ah, there's not a lot of

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them. No, I wouldn't think so. No, no. So I ended up, you know,

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heading a long way from home, and within my first term, I was

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assaulted by one of my colleagues. And

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even though that was not good, I mean, it was it was bad and it

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was hard. The hardest part was everything that happened after

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that, where I was trying to talk to people, and I was trying to

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say, look, this isn't right, and I'm not the only one. People

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that do this don't do it once, right? No, it's a pattern of

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behavior, and like when I went to the chair of my department, I

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was told as junior female faculty, if I was stirring up

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trouble, I was never going to get promoted. I didn't care

Janice Porter:

about tenure. I just wanted to feel safe. Yeah.

Janice Porter:

You know, when I went to the dean, I was told, if I didn't

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like it, I could leave. Well, there aren't a lot of French

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horn professorships. Where was I going to go? I had transplanted

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myself all the way across the country. So this basically went

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on for, you know, seven years until, my goodness, denied

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tenure, which isn't really a shock, yeah, and I ended up

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having to leave that area all together and went to try and

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start a new life, and then covid happened after that. So the

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music field kind of imploded on itself in a lot of ways, right?

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But I just couldn't, I couldn't quit chewing on this idea of

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what had happened. Because a lot of people that I tried to talk

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to, whether it was in HR or the Union or the ombuds, or, you

Janice Porter:

know, these different people, for the most part, they weren't

Janice Porter:

bad people, you know, they they wanted to make connection, they

Janice Porter:

wanted to understand, but the system had them so squeezed, so

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tight that they just they couldn't hear it. The it was,

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they're afraid for themselves, yeah, yeah. And who can blame

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them? You know, they have to take care of themselves and

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their family.

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And so I kept trying to figure out, you know, what had gone

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wrong. And at this point, I was doing some consulting with my

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husband, and we were doing small medical type businesses, and I

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kept seeing the same patterns of these people in leadership that

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they weren't bad people, but somehow, it's like, once that

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intersection of leadership and and, you know, finance happened

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profit, for some reason, the empathy just shut off. And I was

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like, I don't understand what's going on, but I want to find

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out, because this has the potential to really change the

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face of leadership and do a world of good for everybody.

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And, you know, not just leadership. I mean, I see this

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as a societal thing as well. It's something that that we

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could all learn from and do better with. You know, come out

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of the last 10 or 20 or 30 years better than we went into it. So

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that's, that's kind of how I got here. And then it seems like the

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deeper I got in, the deeper I got in, okay, fair enough. Well,

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I think the timing is like perfect right now. I mean, your

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country couldn't be going through anything worse in terms

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of all of this right now. And and having some empathy and

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being able to stand up for yourself might be a good thing,

Janice Porter:

you know, in in the long run, without getting into politics,

Janice Porter:

but it's hard not to these days, right?

Janice Porter:

Yeah, yeah. It totally is all right. So I thank

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you for sharing that. I know that it shaped you in a big way,

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and it's also made you though, I think

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I I perceive that, that it has made you a better person and

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allowed you to understand what other people are going through

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when, when you're teaching them these kinds of things, and

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what they might be

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trying, you know, blocking out or not doing because of fear and

Janice Porter:

because of things like that. So, yeah, very Oh, and there's one

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other thing, actually, I've got a star here that I want to say,

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because I think it's something I've been told many times over

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my years, and I'm much better than I used to be, I think. But

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what I what it's, what this note says here is empathy and

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judgment cannot exist in the same space. And,

Janice Porter:

sorry, why is my phone ringing through this entire thing? It's

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okay. We'll take a pause. We'll get rid of it. Empathy and

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judgment cannot exist in the in the same space. And I used to be

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much my kids still say I'm judgmental, but I used to be

Janice Porter:

much more judgmental than I think I am now, and I think my

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empathy level has definitely gone up. But, you know, I think

Janice Porter:

that's a great statement. Talk to me about it a little bit from

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your perspective. Yeah. So the second we enter into judgment,

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it's kind of the same thing as the as the difference between

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empathy and sympathy, right? Like we were talking earlier, is

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the focus on you, or is the focus on them? When you're

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looking at another person and their situation and what they're

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dealing with, or what they're feeling or what they're going

Janice Porter:

through, if you're looking at them through your own eyes,

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automatically, you're making a comparison, not because you're a

Janice Porter:

bad person, because that's what we as human beings do, and the

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second you make that comparison, you're judging because one is

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going to come out higher or lower than the other. Again, not

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because we mean bad, just because we mean we're trying to

Janice Porter:

help. We think, yes, but we're seeing it through our own eyes.

Janice Porter:

Okay, that's why you know that if judgment is there, you're not

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feeling empathy, because the only way to really feel empathy

Janice Porter:

is through their eyes. Well, if you're only looking at the world

Janice Porter:

through their eyes, you're not going to judge it, because

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there's nothing to compare it to. You're just seeing what it

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is you're in the feeling. It's what Brene Brown calls being in

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the suck. It's same kind of thing and the really cool.

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Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: Whole piece of that is that empathy

Janice Porter:

and judgment cannot exist in the same place, whether that's

Janice Porter:

empathy for another person or empathy for yourself, yeah,

Janice Porter:

yeah. Okay, that was a big one. Actually. I'm glad I talked

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about that, because that actually is helpful for people

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like me to

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think about that. Am I thinking of it from my

Janice Porter:

perspective, which is not helping them at all, or am I

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thinking of it from their perspective? And it's totally

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different. I like that. I love when I learn something like the

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light bulb goes on.

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Okay?

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Last question around this, if every leader listening today

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committed to strengthening one empathy based habit. What would

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you suggest it be? Start to integrate this idea of cognitive

Janice Porter:

empathy, get away from this idea that empathy is all feeling, and

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start to make friends with the idea that it's okay to not feel

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when you take the other person's perspective. And the way I

Janice Porter:

actually put this to leaders is I always want them to keep a

Janice Porter:

cool head and a warm heart. Oh, I love that. Keep a cool head

Janice Porter:

and a warm heart. That's lovely. Thank you. That was really good.

Janice Porter:

Okay, just a couple of quick questions, just for fun, do you

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like to take in your information by reading, by watching, by

Janice Porter:

listening? Just curious. All of them.

Janice Porter:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: I do do a lot of reading because

Janice Porter:

of the articles and stuff that i i read. But like, at night, I

Janice Porter:

can't wait to throw on an audio book. I mean, I'm, I'm still a

Janice Porter:

musician at heart, so if I'm hearing that's what I like.

Janice Porter:

Okay, what do you listen to these days? Music wise. Music

Janice Porter:

wise, I've been going back, so I'm kind of half and half. I

Janice Porter:

have some really eclectic tastes. So I've been re

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listening to some of the Richard Strauss symphonies because they

Janice Porter:

have such great French horn lines. Oh, I would know that.

Janice Porter:

No, well,

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there's just this big so his father a quick music trivia. His

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father was the lead French hornist in a different

Janice Porter:

orchestra, so when he wrote all these pieces, there's like, all

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this big swoopy John Williams film score sound, yes, French

Janice Porter:

horn stuff. And I just, I love it. And then I've been going

Janice Porter:

back to my 80s roots, and I've been listening to some Devo

Janice Porter:

lately. Oh, that's cute. I love it. Okay, that's fun.

Janice Porter:

Do you still play? I do not as much as I used

Janice Porter:

to, but a little bit yeah.

Janice Porter:

Is a French horn similar to a euphonium or not? No, no,

Janice Porter:

they're both brass, yeah, but french horn is considered high

Janice Porter:

brass. Euphonium is low brass, like my ex father in law used to

Janice Porter:

play the euphonium in a band, and I remember that from years

Janice Porter:

ago, and it was, yeah, but I didn't know much about it, so

Janice Porter:

that's why I asked.

Janice Porter:

Okay, I think this has been so much fun. I thank you for your

Janice Porter:

time. It's also been very informative, and I do hope that

Janice Porter:

if my audience, I'm talking to you now, if you like what you

Janice Porter:

heard, please reach out and check out. Dr Melissa Robinson,

Janice Porter:

wine, Mueller Miller and her work, her book, The The Empathic

Janice Porter:

leader, can be found,

Janice Porter:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: Amazon Barnes Noble, all the usuals.

Janice Porter:

And the audiobook just came out. So fantastic. Did you listen?

Janice Porter:

Did you

Janice Porter:

record it yourself? Oh, fun. Okay, I would

Janice Porter:

love to do that someday. I love reading aloud.

Janice Porter:

Okay, so just a little wrap up. Trust is not built through

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policies or position. It is built through presence,

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consistency and empathy, and as Dr Melissa shared, the leaders

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who thrive in today's business landscape are those who

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understand that relationships are the true currency of

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success. When we lead with empathy, we create stronger

Janice Porter:

teams, deeper trust and better results for everyone we need to

Janice Porter:

care in this world today. And you know, we all need that,

Janice Porter:

that we need empathy. We need empathy and trust.

Janice Porter:

And I'm gonna, yeah, I'm thinking about how we teach

Janice Porter:

children that these days too. So anyway, yeah, so I will put how

Janice Porter:

to find you in the show notes. And thank you again. Thank you

Janice Porter:

to my audience. Any last words,

Janice Porter:

Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: I guess just to remember to keep a

Janice Porter:

cool head and a warm heart. Yeah, I love that. Thank you so

Janice Porter:

much, and remember to stay connected and be remembered.

Janice Porter:

Oops.

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