Trust feels more fragile than ever right now, and I believe leaders are being asked to navigate change, uncertainty, and higher expectations in ways we have not seen before. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller, EQ expert, TEDx speaker, and author of The Empathic Leader, to talk about empathy as a practical leadership skill that builds trust, improves culture, and drives results.
Melissa helped me broaden how I think about empathy. It is not only about “feeling what someone feels.” She explains emotional empathy, cognitive empathy, and self-empathy, and why leaders can take another person’s perspective even if they do not experience the same emotions. We also talk about the difference between real empathy and performative empathy, and why curiosity is one of the clearest signals that empathy is genuine.
One of my favorite moments was hearing her simple leadership reminder: trust is often built through visibility and small actions, one person at a time. If you lead a team, manage from the middle, or you are stepping into leadership for the first time, this conversation will give you both insight and real-world tools you can use immediately.
Key takeaways
You can find Melissa at:
In appreciation for being here, I have some gifts for you:
A LinkedIn Checklist for setting up your fully optimized Profile:
An opportunity to test drive the Follow Up system I recommend by checking this presentation page - you won’t regret it.
AND … Don’t forget to connect with me on LinkedIn and be eligible for my complimentary LinkedIn profile audit – I do one each month for a lucky listener!
Connect with me:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/janiceporter/
https://www.facebook.com/janiceporter1
https://www.instagram.com/socjanice/
Thanks for listening!
Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and
think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social
media buttons on this page.
Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in
the comment section below!
Subscribe to the podcast
If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can
subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app.
Leave us an Apple Podcast review
Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and
greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple, which
exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute,
please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.
Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: That's all right.
Janice Porter:Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's
Janice Porter:episode of relationships rule. You know, in today's business
Janice Porter:world, trust feels more fragile than ever. I actually, really
Janice Porter:believe that. I think that so much has changed and we have to
Janice Porter:be and I love that it's moving back around to that in a way,
Janice Porter:because it's about people and relationships, and we're coming
Janice Porter:back to that even in this world of AI teams are navigating
Janice Porter:change, uncertainty and higher expectations, yet, many leaders
Janice Porter:are still relying on outdated models that prioritize control
Janice Porter:over connection. What if the real competitive advantage today
Janice Porter:is empathy? Well, I'm joined today by an expert in that
Janice Porter:field, Dr Melissa Robinson wine Miller. She is an EQ expert, a
Janice Porter:TEDx speaker, and author of the book The Empathic leader. We
Janice Porter:explore how empathy is not a soft skill, but a strategic one,
Janice Porter:and how trust is built moment by moment through emotionally
Janice Porter:intelligent leadership. Welcome to the show. Oh, thank you so
Janice Porter:much for having me. Janice, this is fantastic. Oh, no, I'm
Janice Porter:excited. I am. I mentioned before we went on air that I
Janice Porter:watched your TEDx talk, and I'm always in awe of people who
Janice Porter:actually do those and yours was a brilliant story and also
Janice Porter:really spoke to the importance of empathy. And I see, I don't
Janice Porter:know this isn't even on my notes, I kind of see empathy,
Janice Porter:and I could be totally wrong, but I see it as a gift. I think
Janice Porter:people who are empathic or empathy, I don't know which word
Janice Porter:to use now, empathic or empathetic anyway, empathic. I
Janice Porter:think I like that word better.
Janice Porter:I think that's a gift. I don't know. But is it a skill or Okay,
Janice Porter:yeah, it's both. There's some research that shows that we, I
Janice Porter:mean, we do have some biological hard wiring. You know, they
Janice Porter:start with, like, infants and seeing how, when, when they're
Janice Porter:in, like, an ICU, and there's a lot of infants together, when
Janice Porter:one starts crying, others will. It's called emotional contagion.
Janice Porter:So it's the same idea, if you're in a room and or, like, at a
Janice Porter:sporting event, and everybody's like, whoa, and you feel that
Janice Porter:energy and that excitement. So it kind of starts there
Janice Porter:biologically, but it's also a skill, which means we can learn
Janice Porter:it and we can get better at it. So I agree it's a gift, but I
Janice Porter:also think it's a gift you can give yourself.
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: Tell me about that. Well, if it's not
Janice Porter:something that you have a talent for I mean, like, it doesn't
Janice Porter:ooze out of you, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, like for me, I am
Janice Porter:never going to have a talent for basketball no matter what I do.
Janice Porter:I'm five foot three if I really try,
Janice Porter:and I'm just no good at it, but I could take whatever talent I
Janice Porter:did have and get better at it, if I would practice right,
Janice Porter:which, which, as far as basketball is concerned, I'm
Janice Porter:not, but Right. But same thing with empathy. I mean, you may
Janice Porter:not have a huge talent for it, but if you practice it and you
Janice Porter:do it over and over again, you're going to get better at
Janice Porter:it. So Well, okay, but is it a? Is it a? Is
Janice Porter:it a matter of how you perceive things. So you know how some
Janice Porter:people are numbers people, and some people are are words,
Janice Porter:people, some people right, and some people are
Janice Porter:project oriented, and some people are people oriented. So
Janice Porter:same thing. How you look at people? Do you look at them with
Janice Porter:that warm, fuzzy of empathy, or do you look at them in a more,
Janice Porter:you know, matter of fact way? Oh, that's such a good question.
Janice Porter:I don't know where that came from, but that's okay. Go for
Janice Porter:it. It's fantastic, because it actually goes to the root of
Janice Porter:what I teach. Because a lot of times in society, when we think
Janice Porter:empathy, we think feelings, I feel, what you FEEL, and that's
Janice Porter:one kind of empathy, but there's 43 different definitions of
Janice Porter:empathy, goodness, yes, and that one that's about feeling, that's
Janice Porter:one of them, but it's not all of them. Empathy is about taking
Janice Porter:the perspective of the other person. And you can do that with
Janice Porter:feelings. You can do that through thoughts. You can do
Janice Porter:that. Talk about empathy with nature. Talk about somatic
Janice Porter:empathy, where, like you physically think you know feel
Janice Porter:what they're feeling. So if your style is is more cerebral, there
Janice Porter:is something called cognitive empathy, which is, I logically
Janice Porter:understand your situation, your feeling, where you're at. I just
Janice Porter:don't feel anything. You know, there's different ways to
Janice Porter:approach this, so just not being a warm fuzzy doesn't mean you
Janice Porter:don't have empathy, or that you shouldn't have empathy. Ooh,
Janice Porter:that's interesting. I would never think of somebody who's
Janice Porter:not a warm fuzzy having an.
Janice Porter:Empathy. So I guess that opens things up in the sense of
Janice Porter:defining empathy in a business context, because not everybody
Janice Porter:at the top in the leadership positions are that way inclined
Janice Porter:or feel or seem that way, right? So
Janice Porter:I'm going to read this question because it's two
Janice Porter:parts. Many leaders still equate authority with control. What
Janice Porter:shifts when a leader moves from command and control to
Janice Porter:connection and collaboration? So I'm I'm sensing that the
Janice Porter:authority the control is, what that type of person at the helm
Janice Porter:is, is
Janice Porter:seen as not empathic and not warm fuzzy, right? So
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: could they still be, and how does that
Janice Porter:look? Oh, they absolutely could be. So when you're thinking of a
Janice Porter:command and control style of leadership, that kind of goes
Janice Porter:back to like a managerial approach to leadership, where
Janice Porter:you look at the organization is a machine, and the people are
Janice Porter:cogs, which means that if they're broke, they're broke in
Janice Porter:the air quotes, they need to be fixed, and that means pulling
Janice Porter:cogs out and putting cogs in and hammering it into whatever you
Janice Porter:need it to be. And that kind of command and control doesn't
Janice Porter:allow for the fact that things move, they evolve, they grow,
Janice Porter:they contract, they do all these different things. So as long as
Janice Porter:you keep that kind of ham fisted authoritarian control on
Janice Porter:organizations, you're not actually giving room to grow.
Janice Porter:The best you can hope for is to keep it clicking along. And
Janice Porter:that's not going to happen forever, whereas if you move
Janice Porter:more to an empathic style of leadership, one that you know
Janice Porter:leans towards servant leadership, or transformational
Janice Porter:leadership, or some of these other things. Now you're looking
Janice Porter:at the organization as an organism. It's going to grow,
Janice Porter:it's going to get bigger, it's going to get smaller. The
Janice Porter:components and the different systems within are going to
Janice Porter:change it. The thing is, is a machine cannot evolve, but an
Janice Porter:organism can, and especially in this age of AI and tech and
Janice Porter:everything that's going on, we have got to be able to evolve or
Janice Porter:become extinct.
Janice Porter:It's so true, isn't it? Okay? So let's just
Janice Porter:back up for a second. So when I listened to your and watched
Janice Porter:your TED talk, we you talk about the three kinds of empathy, or
Janice Porter:you say there's 43 types, but the three base, I guess the
Janice Porter:three main ones, right?
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: They're the three that I pull out
Janice Porter:specifically for leadership. Yeah. Okay, so tell us about
Janice Porter:those. So the Yeah, so the first one is emotional empathy, and
Janice Porter:that is that I feel what you feel. And that's the one that's
Janice Porter:usually fast. It's instinctive. You know, the people that that
Janice Porter:do it well, like, just look and they know, you know, they're
Janice Porter:they read people really well. Yes, it's intuitive, highly
Janice Porter:intuitive. Yeah, yeah, precisely. So that's, that's
Janice Porter:more the emotional side. The cognitive side is the logical. I
Janice Porter:don't necessarily understand your feelings, but I can see the
Janice Porter:situation and understand it, and it's slower, it's iterative.
Janice Porter:Usually you're thinking about it, you're kind of sussing out
Janice Porter:the situation. It's going to be a lot more, you know, the
Janice Porter:engineering types and the mathematical and the numbers
Janice Porter:people, where you can really get a hold of what's going on, but
Janice Porter:there's no real feelings involved. I don't get those
Janice Porter:people, so, okay, but, but I do understand, I can recognize
Janice Porter:them, yeah, yeah. Positions sometimes fall into this, which
Janice Porter:is funny, because they're in a field that has so much empathy
Janice Porter:in it, you know, that kind of thing, yeah. But leaders,
Janice Porter:especially, they, they, if they can get a hold of that, they can
Janice Porter:help get away from empathy fatigue and empathy burnout.
Janice Porter:Anyway, there's those two, and then the third that I talk about
Janice Porter:is self empathy, because we have a lot of these people in these
Janice Porter:leadership positions that are really driven, they're
Janice Porter:motivated, they're smart, they're high self actualizing.
Janice Porter:But they don't necessarily make great leaders, because they've
Janice Porter:never been taught to be great leaders. They get into these
Janice Porter:positions because they bring in the most sales, or they have the
Janice Porter:best clients or the best technician, so now they're in
Janice Porter:this position where they're expected to step up and do
Janice Porter:something that maybe they haven't done before, and all
Janice Porter:those smarts work against them, because that's where imposter
Janice Porter:syndrome comes in. I was just going to say the Peter Principle
Janice Porter:comes into effect. Yeah, right, absolutely. And without that
Janice Porter:self empathy to be able to say, Yeah, I am a gunner, but this
Janice Porter:isn't necessarily my niche. Yeah, I'm a fantastic
Janice Porter:technician, but I'm going to have to have the self awareness
Janice Porter:to understand that now I'm leading other people and when
Janice Porter:they're not like me, yes, right, exactly. And that's where that
Janice Porter:self empathy comes in, being able to understand your
Janice Porter:awareness and where you fit into all this and and not bring in
Janice Porter:the man, I'm so stupid. I really messed that up. I can't make
Janice Porter:this happen.
Janice Porter:You know what I mean? Yeah, no, no, it's interesting. And so
Janice Porter:many people that are, you know, on that path like I'm I'm not. I
Janice Porter:don't talk too much about corporate. But.
Janice Porter:But the sense of people, whether it's on the path
Janice Porter:for success on your own or in a big organization, you're so
Janice Porter:focused and have blinders on about that, that sometimes these
Janice Porter:other things get don't get
Janice Porter:taught or
Janice Porter:even being aware of them, because they're things that will
Janice Porter:make you a better leader anyway, if you take those into
Janice Porter:consideration, I watched my my daughter in she's in corporate
Janice Porter:America, actually, even though I'm Canadian, she's in corporate
Janice Porter:America, and she's, she's got a big job now, and it's hard
Janice Porter:because she's having To make that jump to be that leader, and
Janice Porter:there's things you have to learn along the way that she probably
Janice Porter:hasn't yet. So having a coach to help her is really, actually
Janice Porter:helping her. So I just, I don't know, I couldn't do it. It's too
Janice Porter:I'm
Janice Porter:I could never work for anybody else. I was a teacher in my
Janice Porter:first life, and I loved that, but it got very bureaucratic,
Janice Porter:and I didn't like that. So, yeah, I could never have done
Janice Porter:what she does anyway. Okay, let's move on. I know that.
Janice Porter:Okay, this is interesting.
Janice Porter:Well, I don't know this. I'm not going to say that.
Janice Porter:What are okay? First of all, can you share a story, either from
Janice Porter:your own experience or clients where empathy transformed trust
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: within a team? Absolutely. Oh, good,
Janice Porter:yeah, because that's one of the, one of the big things that
Janice Porter:empathy does. It creates those connections which foster trust.
Janice Porter:So I had a director that I was working with. I tend to actually
Janice Porter:work a lot with middle management, okay, because, you
Janice Porter:know, they have the ability to lead both up and down, and
Janice Porter:usually they're young enough to see that the way things are
Janice Porter:going are not going well, and they don't want to just fall
Janice Porter:into that same old command and control model. Got it. And so
Janice Porter:this guy knew he was walking in, and of course, these people were
Janice Porter:like, well, we want you to change the culture. Never mind
Janice Porter:that culture comes down from the top, and they're expecting him
Janice Porter:to change this from the middle. But he was like, I have no idea
Janice Porter:what to do with this. You know, I'm coming in as an interim.
Janice Porter:They expect me to fix this quickly. What should I do? And
Janice Porter:I'm like, you've got to start with your people. You have got
Janice Porter:to create a, know, like and trust factor with them, because
Janice Porter:they've been there for five years, 10 years, 20 years,
Janice Porter:they're going to be your best resource, but they're not going
Janice Porter:to be a resource if they don't trust you. So it's like your job
Janice Porter:is to go in and every day I want you to make your rounds, which
Janice Porter:means I wanted him to go out and just walk down to the water
Janice Porter:cooler in the core and see his people and say, How's it going,
Janice Porter:and walk back 20 minutes, right? Yeah. I mean, plus it means he
Janice Porter:got to get up from his computer, yeah, because leadership burnout
Janice Porter:is is a thing. So that was it. Did not want him to do, you
Janice Porter:know, hours and hours, just so they know your face. They know
Janice Porter:you care. They start to trust you. And what happened was,
Janice Porter:within a matter of weeks, people started coming to him for ideas,
Janice Porter:to correct inefficiencies, things that they had come to the
Janice Porter:previous guy before, but he just kind of didn't want to hear it,
Janice Porter:or they were scared to talk to him, because the only time he
Janice Porter:came out of his office, they thought everybody was getting
Janice Porter:fired, you know, so they took them. There was no liaison.
Janice Porter:There was no showing interest in the in his staff at all. So in
Janice Porter:this case, that made the huge difference, see the people. See
Janice Porter:them, right? And understand their people. Yeah, you know,
Janice Porter:these are they. They're not cogs, they're people. They're
Janice Porter:not inputs, they're people. And that's all it took, because they
Janice Porter:did start to come to Him, because they started to trust
Janice Porter:him. Their productivity got better when he walked in. He had
Janice Porter:employee engagement scores like in the mid 70s. By the time he
Janice Porter:finished up this interim thing, which became full time, they
Janice Porter:were in the up in the 90s, because they actually trusted
Janice Porter:him. They weren't worried about getting the rug yanked out from
Janice Porter:underneath them all the time, and his center actually showed a
Janice Porter:prophet.
Janice Porter:Interesting. So that made me think of another
Janice Porter:question.
Janice Porter:Um, and I don't want it to sound sexist, I just I'm very curious,
Janice Porter:does it?
Janice Porter:It could be the exact opposite that what I'm was thinking. But
Janice Porter:do women have the same or different
Janice Porter:experience, or excuse me, one second
Janice Porter:experience. Or
Janice Porter:is it easier or not for them on the emotional side, or are women
Janice Porter:having to work harder to get to those levels that it's harder
Janice Porter:for them to even think about that? Does that make sense? Yes,
Janice Porter:it does. And actually, that's really good insight, because
Janice Porter:there's, in my experience, there's a little bit of both. I
Janice Porter:mean, there are those that do come in with with a little more
Janice Porter:emotion.
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: All agility, you know, into these
Janice Porter:positions. But unfortunately, because it is a male dominated
Janice Porter:world, yes, a lot of them do kind of try to outman the men,
Janice Porter:which means they actually go to the other side. Yes, that's what
Janice Porter:I was thinking. Yeah. Okay, and so do they come for help more
Janice Porter:easily? Or do they know that they're being like that, because
Janice Porter:I would think that,
Janice Porter:I don't know, I think that might be harder for
Janice Porter:them to see that they're being like that. Yes, in my
Janice Porter:experience, it is for two reasons. I mean, one is because
Janice Porter:they've already bought into this idea of this is how I need to be
Janice Porter:to excel, and if they've excelled, then it's showing
Janice Porter:that, at least to some degree it's working, yeah, you know.
Janice Porter:And the other side of that too is, is just that even if they
Janice Porter:change the way they are, they're still in the same culture. So if
Janice Porter:you're in a culture that isn't going to foster that, it's going
Janice Porter:to be really hard to make those kind of changes. Yeah,
Janice Porter:interesting. Can you think of like a company where
Janice Porter:they're a great example of
Janice Porter:empathic leaders,
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: you know, the one I bring up, and
Janice Porter:this one, it's a little dated, but I don't think so much. Was
Janice Porter:Tony Shea and Zappos. Oh, wow. He had his kindness first
Janice Porter:philosophy. Yes, he was, yeah, yeah. I mean, what he did with
Janice Porter:that company, and actually being able to create a corporate
Janice Porter:structure around it was amazing. And he showed that story, you
Janice Porter:know, in the end, it was a sad story, right? Didn't he get
Janice Porter:suicide? Yeah, I don't think. I don't remember it was suicide or
Janice Porter:not, but the stuff he was doing definitely killed him. Okay, oh,
Janice Porter:right, okay, right. Anyway, okay, but yeah, I remember that
Janice Porter:that was that was quite the story at the time. Yeah. Okay,
Janice Porter:so
Janice Porter:what would you say are the small you might have
Janice Porter:answered this already. What would you say are the small
Janice Porter:daily behaviors that either build trust or slowly erode it.
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: The big one is being visible and
Janice Porter:actually showing that you're walking the talk. You know, when
Janice Porter:you're in a leadership position, I mean as a musician, for a long
Janice Porter:time. So I tend to think of things in these terms, but you
Janice Porter:are always on stage. Someone is always watching, someone is
Janice Porter:always seeing what you're doing, and your culture happens there.
Janice Porter:I mean, it doesn't matter how much you want to pound a culture
Janice Porter:into place. If you're not living that culture, it's not going to
Janice Porter:happen. So as a leader, if your behaviors actually say, Yes, I'm
Janice Porter:trying to get to know these people. I can't know everybody's
Janice Porter:name, I can't know everybody's family, but at least I'm being
Janice Porter:visible. They know who I am. I at least kind of know it vaguely
Janice Porter:which departments they're in. You know now you're actually
Janice Porter:setting the tone for what's happening. For instance, I was
Janice Porter:working with a upper level C suite person, and he made sure
Janice Porter:that on the name tags they had the first name in big letters,
Janice Porter:so that he could read it from across the room and the and the
Janice Porter:second name in small ones, just so that he could call people by
Janice Porter:name. And it was a small thing. And it isn't like his people
Janice Porter:didn't know exactly what was going on, but it's the principle
Janice Porter:of the thing that he's making this attempt, you know, and
Janice Porter:that's what's going to build your culture one person and one
Janice Porter:action at a time, and eroding it is the exact opposite. If you
Janice Porter:say my mission, vision and values are based on empathy, and
Janice Porter:then you don't show it at all, people are going to be like,
Janice Porter:yeah, right. Okay, sure thing. Right, right. Okay. That brings
Janice Porter:me to this, I think, interesting question that I sort of, I don't
Janice Porter:know, okay. How can leaders tell the difference between genuine
Janice Porter:empathy and what one might call performative empathy?
Janice Porter:It's a question of where your focus is, okay, if your focus is
Janice Porter:on yourself. And what can I get out of this, ooh, performative
Janice Porter:empathy. If your focus is on the other person and taking their
Janice Porter:perspective, there's curiosity involved, understanding who they
Janice Porter:are and where they're coming from, that's real empathy. And
Janice Porter:that's my favorite word, curiosity. My audience hear me
Janice Porter:say that all the time, and so I love that because it's true,
Janice Porter:because your focus is on the other person, and you're showing
Janice Porter:that by asking them questions about them. It comes from the
Janice Porter:right place. I think, at least I know I think it does so I love
Janice Porter:that. Thank you.
Janice Porter:So sometimes leaders worry that empathy may
Janice Porter:make them look weak if they are empathic. How do you address
Janice Porter:that misconception? Well, I go back to definitions, because
Janice Porter:they do. I actually get that objection a lot, and it's like,
Janice Porter:Okay, so what's your definition of empathy? Well, the definition
Janice Porter:is, it's all feelings and puppies and rainbows,
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: then, then, yeah, I mean, we're not
Janice Porter:running the Care Bears here.
Janice Porter:You know, it's a business, and a business has to run, but if your
Janice Porter:definition of empathy is taking perspective and understanding
Janice Porter:where the other person is at, there's nothing soft about that.
Janice Porter:And in fact, it takes courage, because you're willing to see it
Janice Porter:through the other person's eyes. So, you know, I think we really
Janice Porter:need to understand what it is first,
Janice Porter:yeah, and, and accept it, yes, right? And that
Janice Porter:meaning of it, okay,
Janice Porter:if so, I have to, I have to ask you mentioned this already. I
Janice Porter:know that you played the French horn, yeah, and that, to me,
Janice Porter:that's a big instrument, and pretty, pretty
Janice Porter:powerful kind of instruments. So
Janice Porter:do you still use analogies about music? And how did you go from
Janice Porter:like music to this, multiple degrees and studying in school,
Janice Porter:and then to become this, this expert in EQ from that, like,
Janice Porter:it was a wild Lacher, weren't you? You're a professor of
Janice Porter:French horn, yeah? Like, I'm totally impressed. Anyway, thank
Janice Porter:you. Yeah, no, it's been a, it's been a wild ride, for sure,
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: yeah? I mean, I do, I do use music
Janice Porter:analogy if I think people are going to understand it? I mean,
Janice Porter:one of the ones that I like is this idea of a conductor in an
Janice Porter:orchestra, right? Because you have the conductor, and they're
Janice Porter:up there as the leader, and they're doing all these
Janice Porter:wonderful things, and they're visible, and they're the ones
Janice Porter:that the crowd sees. But I have seen an orchestra when something
Janice Porter:happens to the conductor finish an entire symphony by themselves
Janice Porter:without a leader. And I have also seen conductors practicing
Janice Porter:where they're in front of a mirror and there's like nobody
Janice Porter:there. So the orchestra is able to survive without the
Janice Porter:conductor, not as well, not with the same vision and strategy,
Janice Porter:but the conductor has a real hard time surviving without an
Janice Porter:orchestra. And I think leadership is the same. You
Janice Porter:know, the two are better with each other, yes, but they are,
Janice Porter:you know, there is a difference there than what people think
Janice Porter:they the orchestra can survive just fine without that
Janice Porter:conductor, at least to a certain degree. So I have to ask you,
Janice Porter:oh, sorry, were you finished? I apologize, yeah. No, no, that's
Janice Porter:fine. So
Janice Porter:I have to ask you then. So I think of musicians
Janice Porter:again. It could be a cliche, and one shouldn't do this, but I
Janice Porter:think of musicians as being
Janice Porter:what I would say as numbers people, math people. It's all
Janice Porter:about patterns and numbers and so on. And if they're a good
Janice Porter:musician, they also feel the music, of course, and they have
Janice Porter:both sides. But
Janice Porter:when I think of,
Janice Porter:when I think of
Janice Porter:them being people, like being leaders,
Janice Porter:empathic leaders, as your book is called, then they're, they're
Janice Porter:not usually that kind of person. It's just me making things up in
Janice Porter:my head. But
Janice Porter:can you speak to that? Like, did you have any were you interested
Janice Porter:in? Like, how did you get to that place where you went and
Janice Porter:studied empathy and psych, you know, I guess it's psychology
Janice Porter:and people and all those things. And,
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: yeah, yeah. Well, I'll circle back to
Janice Porter:that one about the about the musicians first. Because, okay,
Janice Porter:that's a really cool point. But the way, yeah, the way I got
Janice Porter:from here to there was not a straight line.
Janice Porter:I mean, yeah, well, I've learned a lot, you
Janice Porter:know, I love music. I had done it from the time I was young.
Janice Porter:It's like, all I wanted to do, I got to do some really cool stuff
Janice Porter:because of it. I mean, I got to play with Ray Charles, and I got
Janice Porter:to play with, I'm steamroller, and I got to travel and do
Janice Porter:things that that otherwise just probably wouldn't have happened,
Janice Porter:you know, but it's, it's not very stable, just gigging. So
Janice Porter:went, got the first doctorate, went to actually get a tenure
Janice Porter:track french horn professorship, which, ah, there's not a lot of
Janice Porter:them. No, I wouldn't think so. No, no. So I ended up, you know,
Janice Porter:heading a long way from home, and within my first term, I was
Janice Porter:assaulted by one of my colleagues. And
Janice Porter:even though that was not good, I mean, it was it was bad and it
Janice Porter:was hard. The hardest part was everything that happened after
Janice Porter:that, where I was trying to talk to people, and I was trying to
Janice Porter:say, look, this isn't right, and I'm not the only one. People
Janice Porter:that do this don't do it once, right? No, it's a pattern of
Janice Porter:behavior, and like when I went to the chair of my department, I
Janice Porter:was told as junior female faculty, if I was stirring up
Janice Porter:trouble, I was never going to get promoted. I didn't care
Janice Porter:about tenure. I just wanted to feel safe. Yeah.
Janice Porter:You know, when I went to the dean, I was told, if I didn't
Janice Porter:like it, I could leave. Well, there aren't a lot of French
Janice Porter:horn professorships. Where was I going to go? I had transplanted
Janice Porter:myself all the way across the country. So this basically went
Janice Porter:on for, you know, seven years until, my goodness, denied
Janice Porter:tenure, which isn't really a shock, yeah, and I ended up
Janice Porter:having to leave that area all together and went to try and
Janice Porter:start a new life, and then covid happened after that. So the
Janice Porter:music field kind of imploded on itself in a lot of ways, right?
Janice Porter:But I just couldn't, I couldn't quit chewing on this idea of
Janice Porter:what had happened. Because a lot of people that I tried to talk
Janice Porter:to, whether it was in HR or the Union or the ombuds, or, you
Janice Porter:know, these different people, for the most part, they weren't
Janice Porter:bad people, you know, they they wanted to make connection, they
Janice Porter:wanted to understand, but the system had them so squeezed, so
Janice Porter:tight that they just they couldn't hear it. The it was,
Janice Porter:they're afraid for themselves, yeah, yeah. And who can blame
Janice Porter:them? You know, they have to take care of themselves and
Janice Porter:their family.
Janice Porter:And so I kept trying to figure out, you know, what had gone
Janice Porter:wrong. And at this point, I was doing some consulting with my
Janice Porter:husband, and we were doing small medical type businesses, and I
Janice Porter:kept seeing the same patterns of these people in leadership that
Janice Porter:they weren't bad people, but somehow, it's like, once that
Janice Porter:intersection of leadership and and, you know, finance happened
Janice Porter:profit, for some reason, the empathy just shut off. And I was
Janice Porter:like, I don't understand what's going on, but I want to find
Janice Porter:out, because this has the potential to really change the
Janice Porter:face of leadership and do a world of good for everybody.
Janice Porter:And, you know, not just leadership. I mean, I see this
Janice Porter:as a societal thing as well. It's something that that we
Janice Porter:could all learn from and do better with. You know, come out
Janice Porter:of the last 10 or 20 or 30 years better than we went into it. So
Janice Porter:that's, that's kind of how I got here. And then it seems like the
Janice Porter:deeper I got in, the deeper I got in, okay, fair enough. Well,
Janice Porter:I think the timing is like perfect right now. I mean, your
Janice Porter:country couldn't be going through anything worse in terms
Janice Porter:of all of this right now. And and having some empathy and
Janice Porter:being able to stand up for yourself might be a good thing,
Janice Porter:you know, in in the long run, without getting into politics,
Janice Porter:but it's hard not to these days, right?
Janice Porter:Yeah, yeah. It totally is all right. So I thank
Janice Porter:you for sharing that. I know that it shaped you in a big way,
Janice Porter:and it's also made you though, I think
Janice Porter:I I perceive that, that it has made you a better person and
Janice Porter:allowed you to understand what other people are going through
Janice Porter:when, when you're teaching them these kinds of things, and
Janice Porter:what they might be
Janice Porter:trying, you know, blocking out or not doing because of fear and
Janice Porter:because of things like that. So, yeah, very Oh, and there's one
Janice Porter:other thing, actually, I've got a star here that I want to say,
Janice Porter:because I think it's something I've been told many times over
Janice Porter:my years, and I'm much better than I used to be, I think. But
Janice Porter:what I what it's, what this note says here is empathy and
Janice Porter:judgment cannot exist in the same space. And,
Janice Porter:sorry, why is my phone ringing through this entire thing? It's
Janice Porter:okay. We'll take a pause. We'll get rid of it. Empathy and
Janice Porter:judgment cannot exist in the in the same space. And I used to be
Janice Porter:much my kids still say I'm judgmental, but I used to be
Janice Porter:much more judgmental than I think I am now, and I think my
Janice Porter:empathy level has definitely gone up. But, you know, I think
Janice Porter:that's a great statement. Talk to me about it a little bit from
Janice Porter:your perspective. Yeah. So the second we enter into judgment,
Janice Porter:it's kind of the same thing as the as the difference between
Janice Porter:empathy and sympathy, right? Like we were talking earlier, is
Janice Porter:the focus on you, or is the focus on them? When you're
Janice Porter:looking at another person and their situation and what they're
Janice Porter:dealing with, or what they're feeling or what they're going
Janice Porter:through, if you're looking at them through your own eyes,
Janice Porter:automatically, you're making a comparison, not because you're a
Janice Porter:bad person, because that's what we as human beings do, and the
Janice Porter:second you make that comparison, you're judging because one is
Janice Porter:going to come out higher or lower than the other. Again, not
Janice Porter:because we mean bad, just because we mean we're trying to
Janice Porter:help. We think, yes, but we're seeing it through our own eyes.
Janice Porter:Okay, that's why you know that if judgment is there, you're not
Janice Porter:feeling empathy, because the only way to really feel empathy
Janice Porter:is through their eyes. Well, if you're only looking at the world
Janice Porter:through their eyes, you're not going to judge it, because
Janice Porter:there's nothing to compare it to. You're just seeing what it
Janice Porter:is you're in the feeling. It's what Brene Brown calls being in
Janice Porter:the suck. It's same kind of thing and the really cool.
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: Whole piece of that is that empathy
Janice Porter:and judgment cannot exist in the same place, whether that's
Janice Porter:empathy for another person or empathy for yourself, yeah,
Janice Porter:yeah. Okay, that was a big one. Actually. I'm glad I talked
Janice Porter:about that, because that actually is helpful for people
Janice Porter:like me to
Janice Porter:think about that. Am I thinking of it from my
Janice Porter:perspective, which is not helping them at all, or am I
Janice Porter:thinking of it from their perspective? And it's totally
Janice Porter:different. I like that. I love when I learn something like the
Janice Porter:light bulb goes on.
Janice Porter:Okay?
Janice Porter:Last question around this, if every leader listening today
Janice Porter:committed to strengthening one empathy based habit. What would
Janice Porter:you suggest it be? Start to integrate this idea of cognitive
Janice Porter:empathy, get away from this idea that empathy is all feeling, and
Janice Porter:start to make friends with the idea that it's okay to not feel
Janice Porter:when you take the other person's perspective. And the way I
Janice Porter:actually put this to leaders is I always want them to keep a
Janice Porter:cool head and a warm heart. Oh, I love that. Keep a cool head
Janice Porter:and a warm heart. That's lovely. Thank you. That was really good.
Janice Porter:Okay, just a couple of quick questions, just for fun, do you
Janice Porter:like to take in your information by reading, by watching, by
Janice Porter:listening? Just curious. All of them.
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: I do do a lot of reading because
Janice Porter:of the articles and stuff that i i read. But like, at night, I
Janice Porter:can't wait to throw on an audio book. I mean, I'm, I'm still a
Janice Porter:musician at heart, so if I'm hearing that's what I like.
Janice Porter:Okay, what do you listen to these days? Music wise. Music
Janice Porter:wise, I've been going back, so I'm kind of half and half. I
Janice Porter:have some really eclectic tastes. So I've been re
Janice Porter:listening to some of the Richard Strauss symphonies because they
Janice Porter:have such great French horn lines. Oh, I would know that.
Janice Porter:No, well,
Janice Porter:there's just this big so his father a quick music trivia. His
Janice Porter:father was the lead French hornist in a different
Janice Porter:orchestra, so when he wrote all these pieces, there's like, all
Janice Porter:this big swoopy John Williams film score sound, yes, French
Janice Porter:horn stuff. And I just, I love it. And then I've been going
Janice Porter:back to my 80s roots, and I've been listening to some Devo
Janice Porter:lately. Oh, that's cute. I love it. Okay, that's fun.
Janice Porter:Do you still play? I do not as much as I used
Janice Porter:to, but a little bit yeah.
Janice Porter:Is a French horn similar to a euphonium or not? No, no,
Janice Porter:they're both brass, yeah, but french horn is considered high
Janice Porter:brass. Euphonium is low brass, like my ex father in law used to
Janice Porter:play the euphonium in a band, and I remember that from years
Janice Porter:ago, and it was, yeah, but I didn't know much about it, so
Janice Porter:that's why I asked.
Janice Porter:Okay, I think this has been so much fun. I thank you for your
Janice Porter:time. It's also been very informative, and I do hope that
Janice Porter:if my audience, I'm talking to you now, if you like what you
Janice Porter:heard, please reach out and check out. Dr Melissa Robinson,
Janice Porter:wine, Mueller Miller and her work, her book, The The Empathic
Janice Porter:leader, can be found,
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: Amazon Barnes Noble, all the usuals.
Janice Porter:And the audiobook just came out. So fantastic. Did you listen?
Janice Porter:Did you
Janice Porter:record it yourself? Oh, fun. Okay, I would
Janice Porter:love to do that someday. I love reading aloud.
Janice Porter:Okay, so just a little wrap up. Trust is not built through
Janice Porter:policies or position. It is built through presence,
Janice Porter:consistency and empathy, and as Dr Melissa shared, the leaders
Janice Porter:who thrive in today's business landscape are those who
Janice Porter:understand that relationships are the true currency of
Janice Porter:success. When we lead with empathy, we create stronger
Janice Porter:teams, deeper trust and better results for everyone we need to
Janice Porter:care in this world today. And you know, we all need that,
Janice Porter:that we need empathy. We need empathy and trust.
Janice Porter:And I'm gonna, yeah, I'm thinking about how we teach
Janice Porter:children that these days too. So anyway, yeah, so I will put how
Janice Porter:to find you in the show notes. And thank you again. Thank you
Janice Porter:to my audience. Any last words,
Janice Porter:Dr. Melissa Robinson-Winemiller: I guess just to remember to keep a
Janice Porter:cool head and a warm heart. Yeah, I love that. Thank you so
Janice Porter:much, and remember to stay connected and be remembered.
Janice Porter:Oops.