Your Questions About Developing Maintainer Traits
Welcome to Q&A Wednesday!
Monday's episode about the traits that separate maintainers from yo-yo dieters resonated with many of you. The most common theme in your questions: "This makes sense, but how do I actually develop these traits? How do I shift from goal-thinking to systems-thinking? How do I stop seeing setbacks as disasters?"
Today I'm answering your most practical questions about making these mental shifts real in your daily life. These aren't just concepts to understand—they're skills you can develop starting today.
Question 1:
"I've always been a goal-oriented person. How do I actually shift to thinking in systems instead of goals? What does that look like day-to-day?"
Goal-oriented thinking is ingrained in our culture from childhood, so this shift can feel foreign at first.
Instead of "I want to lose 30 pounds," ask yourself "What kind of person weighs 30 pounds less than I do now?" Then start building the daily habits of that person.
For example, that person probably eats when hungry and stops when satisfied. Your system becomes: "I'm developing the habit of checking in with my hunger before and during meals."
That person probably handles stress without turning to food. Your system becomes: "I'm building a toolkit of stress management techniques that don't involve eating."
Focus on the daily practice, not the end result. Each day, ask yourself "Did I act like the person I'm becoming today?" instead of "How much closer am I to my goal?"
Systems compound. Each day you practice eating when hungry, you're reinforcing that identity. Each day you handle stress without food, you're proving to yourself that you're someone who can do that.
Goals have finish lines. Systems just keep making you better.
Question 2:
"When I have a setback, my first instinct is still to think 'I've ruined everything.' How do I train myself to see setbacks as data instead of disasters?"
That "all or nothing" voice is loud and it's been with you for a long time. But you can retrain it.
When you notice that "I've ruined everything" thought, pause and ask yourself three specific questions:
"What was I feeling right before this happened?"
"What need was I trying to meet?"
"What could I try differently next time in a similar situation?"
These questions force your brain out of judgment mode and into curiosity mode.
Let's say you emotionally ate after a stressful work meeting. Instead of "I have no willpower," you might discover: "I was feeling overwhelmed and I needed a mental break. Next time I could take a 5-minute walk instead of going to the break room."
Do this immediately, while the situation is fresh. Don't wait until later when shame has had time to build up.
Start keeping what I call a "learning log." After any eating episode you want to understand better, write down what you learned about your patterns. This reinforces the scientist mindset.
Maintainers aren't people who never have setbacks. They're people who get curious about their setbacks instead of getting defeated by them.
Question 3:
"I understand the identity shift concept, but I don't actually believe I'm someone who can trust myself around food. How do I change a belief I've had for years?"
You can't just think your way into a new belief. Beliefs are built through evidence, not affirmations.
You need to start collecting micro-evidence that contradicts your old belief.
Every time you make a conscious choice around food—even tiny ones—that's evidence. Did you pause before eating and ask if you were hungry? That's evidence you can trust yourself. Did you stop eating when you were satisfied instead of cleaning your plate? More evidence.
Keep a daily "trust journal." Write down one small moment each day when you demonstrated that you CAN trust yourself around food. Even things like "I chose an apple when I was actually hungry instead of eating from boredom."
Your brain has a negativity bias—it notices problems more than successes. The trust journal forces you to actively look for evidence of your capability.
Start small. You don't need to trust yourself around your biggest trigger foods right away. Start with situations where you feel more in control and build from there.
Over time, you'll have a mountain of evidence that contradicts that old belief. The new belief isn't built overnight—it's built one piece of evidence at a time.
Question 4:
"I'm good at planning what I'll eat, but I never think about obstacles. How do I start planning for challenges without becoming obsessive about it?"
There's a balance between being prepared and being anxious about every possible scenario.
Start with your top 3 most common obstacles. Most people have 2-3 situations that trip them up repeatedly. Maybe it's stress at work, social events, or Sunday night anxiety.
For each obstacle, create one simple "if-then" plan: "If I'm stressed at work, then I'll take 3 deep breaths and ask myself what I actually need." "If I'm at a social event with lots of food, then I'll eat something small beforehand and focus on the conversations."
Make these plans specific and actionable, not vague like "I'll use willpower."
Practice these plans when you're NOT in the challenging situation. Visualize yourself using them. This makes them more automatic when you actually need them.
You don't need to plan for every possible obstacle. Just the ones that come up regularly in your life. As you get better at handling your common challenges, you can add plans for new situations.
The goal isn't to control every variable. It's to have a few reliable strategies for your most frequent challenges.
Question 5:
"I'm so used to measuring success by the scale. What are some specific non-scale victories I should be tracking instead?"
This shift in measurement is powerful. Track these specific things:
Energy levels: "How did I feel throughout the day? Did I have energy crashes or steady energy?"
Emotional regulation: "How many times did I handle stress, boredom, or difficult emotions without turning to food?"
Hunger awareness: "How often did I eat when actually hungry versus eating for other reasons?"
Satisfaction signals: "Did I notice when I was satisfied and stop eating, or did I eat past fullness?"
Food thoughts: "How much mental energy did I spend thinking about food today compared to last month?"
Sleep quality: "Am I sleeping better? Waking up more rested?"
Confidence: "Do I feel more confident in food situations that used to feel scary?"
Pick 2-3 of these that resonate with you and track them consistently. Don't try to track everything—that becomes overwhelming.
These measurements reflect the real changes that lead to lasting results. When you can handle stress without food, when you trust yourself around former trigger foods, when you think about food less, those are the victories that actually matter.
Pick one trait from Monday's episode and one strategy from today's Q&A. Focus on those for the next week and notice how your entire approach starts to shift.
Keep sending me your questions. They help me create content that serves you. You're not trying to become perfect. You're trying to become someone who naturally maintains a healthy relationship with food.
I'll see you tomorrow for the motivational episode!
