Most men were sold one version of fatherhood. Provide. Protect. Stay stable. Hold it together. But the version of dad your kids actually need is not the one most of us were taught to perform. On Mind Over Masculinity, Archita sits with Dr. Brandi Hawk, licensed clinical child psychologist and CEO of Red Leaf Psychology, for a tender, evidence-based conversation about fatherhood, presence, and the patterns men quietly pass down without meaning to.
Dr. Brandi shares the neuroscience of connection (yes, oxytocin matters), why your child does not care that you are out providing as much as you think, the SOAR practice that interrupts inherited reactions in real time, and the five-minute daily play habit that can quietly transform a relationship. If you are a father doing your best but worried you are repeating something you swore you never would, this episode is for you.
About the Guest:
Dr. Brandi Hawk, PhD, is a licensed clinical child psychologist (PSY28862) and the founder and CEO of Red Leaf Psychology, Inc. in Sacramento, California. She has been working in the mental health field since 2010 and specializes in parent-child relationships, childhood trauma, and pediatric chronic pain. She is the co-developer of PC-CARE, a seven-session evidence-based parent-child therapy that supports positive relationships, helps children calm big emotions, and reduces challenging behavior. Dr. Hawk also trains professionals around the world through the UC Davis PCIT Training Center and hosts the Nerdy Psychologist Book Club podcast.
Key Takeaways:
- Providing is real, but it is not what your kids will remember. They want your undivided attention, even in small windows, far more than your output.
- Your child's brain releases oxytocin during connection. So does yours. Both of you change at a chemical level every time you choose presence over performance.
- Most fathers do not parent the way they want to. They parent the way they were parented, because under stress, the brain reaches for what it knows best, not what is best.
- That is not your fault. That is how the brain works. Recognising this is the first real act of breaking the cycle.
- Use SOAR when you feel triggered: Stop, Observe, Assess, Respond. The pause between reaction and response is where new fatherhood begins.
- Five minutes of play a day, child-led, can quietly transform the relationship. Try PRIDE: Praise, Reflect, Imitate, Describe, Enjoy.
- You are not alone. Find another dad doing the work, talk to your partner, and be brave enough to be vulnerable. Change happens through connection.
Connect With the Guest:
- Website: redleafpsychology.com
- Learn About PC-CARE: pcit.ucdavis.edu/pc-care
- Podcast: The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club (available on all major podcast platforms)
- Social media: Search The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Welcome to Mind Over Masculinity — the fatherhood your kids actually need
[02:30] What surprised Dr. Hawk most about modern fathers walking into her clinic
[06:00] The biggest misconception — providing vs being present
[10:00] The neuroscience of connection — oxytocin and what it does to both of you
[14:00] Why fathers repeat patterns they swore they would never repeat
[18:00] The SOAR practice — Stop, Observe, Assess, Respond
[22:00] The five-minute play practice and the PRIDE skills
[27:00] A closing word — to the dad who quietly suspects he could do better
(timestamps approx.)
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