Shownotes
Do you and your partner have different outlooks on money?
It can be difficult to navigate financial conversations with your partner when you come from different backgrounds and have different perspectives on how to spend, save, and invest your money.
Sydney and Kristen share how each of them has navigated finances with their own partners and shed light on the challenges of getting on the same page as their partner and what’s worked well for each of them.
They also highlight the importance of a budget and using tools to help you and manage it — without needing to obsess — to alleviate some of the stress you or your partner might have with managing money.
Tune in to hear how you can navigate creating a budget with your partner and some of the challenges that come with talking to someone else about money.
- Why money is the number one thing couples fight about
- How to get over your belief that talking about money is “taboo”
- The financial tools you can use to keep track of your budget
- How a “lifestyle” Pinterest board can prevent you from making impulse purchases
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Transcripts
it became easier for me to have those conversations because I knew that it
Speaker:was so normal Yeah, and that's part of the reason for this podcast is Making
Speaker:the listeners feel normal normal
Speaker:Welcome to the Know Your Worth Show, where we teach you how to think about
Speaker:your money differently so that you can achieve your sexy money goals.
Speaker:I'm Sydnee your money Maven and owner of Know Your Worth.
Speaker:And I'm Kristen Sid's Dimepiece bestie team member and busy mama
Speaker:twins here to make sure that those of us without a financial degree can
Speaker:still level up with each episode.
Speaker:Let's get started on reaching your next goal.
Speaker:Welcome to episode five of the Know Your Worth podcast.
Speaker:I am Sydney, your money maven.
Speaker:And I am Kristen, Sid's assistant and dime piece bestie.
Speaker:Here to help with the conversation.
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker:So from the last episode we got into corporate roles, starting your businesses,
Speaker:taking them a little bit more full time.
Speaker:And we touched a bit on what our conversations with our partners
Speaker:or the people close to you in your life what they thought of that.
Speaker:So this episode we're going to talk about working with your partner on
Speaker:either actually working with your partner like Physically working with
Speaker:your partner at work or working on your dreams and goals with your partner, and
Speaker:also just financially working with your partner, having separate jobs, working
Speaker:together in your own household incomes and finances and everything like that.
Speaker:Kind of just what our roles are and how we've navigated.
Speaker:our relationships with our partners, with our finances.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I'm Syd's going to share what goes on in her home.
Speaker:I'm going to share what goes on in mine and then she's going to give some
Speaker:practical tips for those of us who are more like me, which you'll hear.
Speaker:And what's cool too is From my perspective and the things I've seen, I'm also going
Speaker:to talk a lot about, what some of our clients have done with their partners
Speaker:after conversations we've had for building their businesses, growing their stuff,
Speaker:and what they've then been able to take home and share with their partners to
Speaker:make things smoother, easier, just better transition at home in regards to their
Speaker:finances and their businesses in general.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So to give you a little bit of background on my situation with my partner.
Speaker:So Alex, my husband and I work together full time.
Speaker:His background is in finance.
Speaker:My background's in accounting.
Speaker:So we both right off the bat have the data and the number mindset when
Speaker:it comes to our personal finances.
Speaker:Our brains think similarly in that respect.
Speaker:So that definitely helps with a lot of our conversation there.
Speaker:So Alex, his background's in finance, like I said, mine's in accounting.
Speaker:We both had our full time corporate positions and We've always been
Speaker:open about talking about money.
Speaker:I do think that a lot of those initial conversations were initiated by me.
Speaker:Just because that was what I came from, that was the background I came from.
Speaker:Alex really didn't come from that background.
Speaker:So it was a little bit harder for him at first to have some of those conversations.
Speaker:Just because he wasn't used to them, wasn't very comfortable with them.
Speaker:And so we've come a long way from the beginning there.
Speaker:But like I said, both of our backgrounds are in...
Speaker:finance accounting.
Speaker:We now work together full time.
Speaker:So that was always one of my sexy money goals was to not retire my partner,
Speaker:but to, get him out of corporate life.
Speaker:How can we make our lives more flexible so that we can travel
Speaker:together more often, so that we can have the same schedules together.
Speaker:So we're getting home at the same time.
Speaker:We're working on similar projects.
Speaker:That was what big goal of mine was I really appreciate Alex's.
Speaker:Hard work and work ethics.
Speaker:So I knew that was going to be beneficial for us to be able to work
Speaker:on things together, especially when we have two of our businesses before the
Speaker:bookkeeping, before he came on full time for know your worth, we own together.
Speaker:So we own the golf Academy with my sister and my brother in law.
Speaker:And then Alex and I both own a coworking space.
Speaker:So the coworking space is where I work out of on a day to day basis.
Speaker:So I knew it was going to be really beneficial to, if he could be here with
Speaker:me to see some of the, The struggles that I was going through on a day to day
Speaker:basis, running it and taking that on an operational side day to day, I knew I also
Speaker:wanted him to be more involved in that.
Speaker:So it's always been a goal of mine.
Speaker:To have that, where we were working together on the same goal, same effort.
Speaker:We're both very outgoing in our personalities.
Speaker:We're both very chatty.
Speaker:We really like a lot of the same parts of our jobs, too.
Speaker:We like the client engagement.
Speaker:We like the interaction.
Speaker:But we also like solving puzzles.
Speaker:And Alex is a little bit of a perfectionist.
Speaker:And I'm a little bit more of a take on multiple projects and get them all done.
Speaker:And Alex is a one at a time till it's done.
Speaker:And done before moving on to the next one.
Speaker:So that's a little bit of a background for us, but
Speaker:We manage our personal finances at home now a little bit differently than we
Speaker:used to so what I wanted to do, from the beginning was Really have this
Speaker:Open picture of our finances that we were looking at our budget together.
Speaker:We were looking at our spending together.
Speaker:We were looking at our savings, our debt, all of that together.
Speaker:And that took a little bit of time for both of us to be
Speaker:very comfortable with that.
Speaker:It's not an easy thing to just jump right into but we used a couple of
Speaker:different tools and resources where now what our financial picture,
Speaker:the setup of the process is that we have one joint bank account.
Speaker:And we have two credit cards that we both utilize.
Speaker:One's kind of the more of the travel points one, and one is like
Speaker:the other one that we have that we don't really use all that often.
Speaker:But we mostly use our travel points card.
Speaker:And then, like I said, we have one shared.
Speaker:bank account.
Speaker:And for us, all of our recurring bills flow out of that account.
Speaker:So we both fund it every month and all of our bills are set up to automatically
Speaker:pull from that so that we don't have to anymore have the conversation
Speaker:of, Oh, okay, the mortgage payment's coming out I need you to Venmo me
Speaker:or I need to Venmo this or that.
Speaker:So we don't have to have that exchange anymore.
Speaker:And that's helped a lot of just like making that conversation easier of Why
Speaker:do I have to Venmo you don't you have the Venmo from last month or this about
Speaker:and not that it was ever a Negative conversation, but it can be sticky.
Speaker:It just can be annoying sometimes and the last thing I want is for Anyone
Speaker:let alone Alex to be going through my bank statement and judging purchases.
Speaker:That is not us.
Speaker:We will not be that way.
Speaker:I will never be that person, but we operate in our budget where
Speaker:like, we know what's coming out.
Speaker:We have investments.
Speaker:We have savings.
Speaker:So they're automatically being pulled and then after that, Alex can spend
Speaker:his money on what he wants there.
Speaker:I can spend my money on what I want because we've already removed it.
Speaker:The shared money that we need to work towards our goals Is already taken out.
Speaker:So now that extra money, that's ours.
Speaker:That's ours to play with, that's ours to do what we want.
Speaker:He's not going to judge me for going to buy shoes and cheese and I'm not
Speaker:going to go judge him for buying shoes and bourbon, we've gotten to this
Speaker:point now that feels really good.
Speaker:And then when we have big savings goals or like new projects that we
Speaker:want to start that we're like, Okay, we want to travel or we want to do this.
Speaker:Maybe we reevaluate how much is being pulled from.
Speaker:Our individual accounts into that joint account and maybe we bump it up.
Speaker:Or maybe we have a couple little other random savings accounts that we can filter
Speaker:money into here or there if we're trying to work towards a common savings goal.
Speaker:But for the most part, the day to day maintenance is
Speaker:very seamless at this point.
Speaker:It's just very ongoing.
Speaker:We don't have to...
Speaker:All the time have a conversation of this or that.
Speaker:If something crazy happens where we're like, Hey my car,
Speaker:needs this massive repair.
Speaker:It's going to be a thousand dollars.
Speaker:Which card should I put it on?
Speaker:That's more what we'll talk about is okay, which credit card should
Speaker:we put it on and then where should those funds to pay it off at the end
Speaker:of the month look like or come from?
Speaker:And if, if it's something where like we couldn't pay it off at the end of
Speaker:the month or we didn't want to we would talk about what that plan of attack
Speaker:would look like to get that gone.
Speaker:And that happened a lot for a couple of years for us justbecause we had
Speaker:expenses come up, our plumbing broke.
Speaker:There's always something where you have to, if you have to carry a
Speaker:balance on a credit card, That's okay.
Speaker:It's totally fine.
Speaker:But what's the plan to get out of it?
Speaker:And what's the plan to attack that?
Speaker:So I think that's something that's become a lot easier for us to talk about because
Speaker:it was definitely a lot harder in the beginning as, okay for a period of time
Speaker:I was making more money than Alex was.
Speaker:And so it was like am I the one that's paying for this all the time?
Speaker:And that can be tough.
Speaker:That can be a sticky conversation.
Speaker:And then when I quit, My corporate job and Alex was the one with the income.
Speaker:Then it was like, okay who's paying for this?
Speaker:Is it coming out of his now?
Speaker:So we both have had that balance of like being the one that was making money or
Speaker:more money for a certain period of time.
Speaker:And that can be a very sticky conversation.
Speaker:It's really important to have this conversation because there shouldn't be an
Speaker:expectation of you making the exact same amount as your partner and contributing.
Speaker:Exact same amounts all the time, but there needs to be a balance of the
Speaker:expectation of what's being contributed and What's being received and then what
Speaker:in other ways is being contributed if it's financial if it's support That
Speaker:needs to be an open conversation I really feel like with your partner and that's
Speaker:how we feel and in our house because we have had those sticky conversations of
Speaker:Where is this coming from this month?
Speaker:Where is it going next month?
Speaker:So that's like our background on what our situation looks like right now
Speaker:and what our thoughts are on that.
Speaker:So how long have you been married?
Speaker:We've been married, we're going on four years.
Speaker:So how long do you think it took you to get from oh we're babies, Just married,
Speaker:combining bank accounts and figuring it out to this is comfortable and weird.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:No, that's a great question.
Speaker:So I think that, so Alex and I have been together for 10 years now, or just, we
Speaker:just hit nine, so nine and a half now.
Speaker:We've been living together for five and a half years and
Speaker:we've been married for four.
Speaker:And I have always been very aware of everything that's in my bank accounts,
Speaker:all of my finances, where things are coming, where things are going.
Speaker:Managing the bills and things like that.
Speaker:So when we moved into our house we were not married.
Speaker:So I bought the house initially, and then to all the bills
Speaker:were in my name initially.
Speaker:And I know that Alex didn't love that because he wanted to be involved and be
Speaker:a part of it, but we weren't married yet.
Speaker:We weren't even engaged at that point.
Speaker:We didn't share things like that right away.
Speaker:We shared other things, going out to dinners and things like that.
Speaker:That was definitely all give and take there.
Speaker:So when we moved into the house I'd say it was about a year after we moved in that
Speaker:I really had an expectation of We need to be equal in whatever way that looks like
Speaker:it needs to feel equal It doesn't have to be the same dollar amount because at
Speaker:that point that was when I was making more money but that was at a point where I also
Speaker:felt like I needed to keep the house clean all the time and I needed to Do laundry
Speaker:and I needed to cook and I needed to do all these things And then I felt like I
Speaker:was pulling a little bit more weight on the financial side And so what I did to
Speaker:make alex see it is he had no idea like he had no clue what the finances looked
Speaker:like because They weren't coming from his bank account and that wasn't his fault.
Speaker:That was me putting all of that on I got it.
Speaker:It's nobody's fault.
Speaker:It's just how things are going.
Speaker:And I very much like to be in control.
Speaker:I think I would have felt really uncomfortable if I wouldn't have
Speaker:been able to know everything was being pulled from the bank account.
Speaker:I just need to know that it's coming out or I'll wake up in the
Speaker:middle of the night and be like, Oh my God, did I pay the water bill?
Speaker:Like I, I have, I need to know, like I need to be able to look right there.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Paid it.
Speaker:Cool.
Speaker:We're good.
Speaker:If that was like on him that I would be like, Hey, did you pay that?
Speaker:And he'd be like, yeah, Sydney, like I did.
Speaker:And I'm like, I just need to know and that's not always a good thing, but I do.
Speaker:I definitely have that kind of control piece.
Speaker:So once we sat down, we made this budget and I showed him like everything that was
Speaker:coming out of our very shared expenses.
Speaker:Not my car payment, not his, but the house the gas, the electricity, the
Speaker:water, the garbage, the insurance.
Speaker:There was just a lot of pieces that he just didn't think about.
Speaker:Oh, the garbage bill and things like that, which like he didn't know.
Speaker:And that's fine.
Speaker:So once he saw that, it was very much then a, Oh, I get it now.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So what do you need?
Speaker:Like not a, I can't, it was like, okay, so what do you need?
Speaker:How can we get this to feel good?
Speaker:And so then from there it felt really good.
Speaker:Then when we got married and we had then in my opinion, his debts, my debt, my
Speaker:debts, his debt, it's very shared debt.
Speaker:Before then his debt was his debt and my debt was my debt.
Speaker:So then it was like a, okay, I don't want you to carry a credit card balance
Speaker:because When we go in on things, your credit affects me now, and I
Speaker:don't want to carry a credit card balance because my credit affects you.
Speaker:So that was when I feel like whenever we were married, that was my thought.
Speaker:It was like, okay, I feel like we can have this conversation a little bit more now
Speaker:of what are we spending our side stuff on?
Speaker:Because we don't have shared investments.
Speaker:We didn't have big retirement plans at this point.
Speaker:But what is our whole financial picture look like?
Speaker:So I think it probably took a year after we were married for us to
Speaker:really come together and really have a full, clear picture of what his
Speaker:finances were and my finances were.
Speaker:To the student loans, any personal debt all of our personal bills,
Speaker:the car payments, the insurance, phone bills, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker:It probably took a full year of us being married to really Dig into a lot
Speaker:of that and feel good about where it was coming from, but then that's also
Speaker:When I wanted to quit my job, right?
Speaker:So then we really had more conversations about where money was coming from because
Speaker:I was about to say I'm done Yeah, I don't have this income anymore So we
Speaker:really got clear about where things would pull from and I also don't want it to
Speaker:be misconstrued that we haven't carried debt, we have carried lots of debt.
Speaker:Alex and I, when we opened the Maverick, our co working space, we carried
Speaker:all that debt on our personal cards.
Speaker:And so at one point, the Maverick cost us 30, 000 to open up.
Speaker:So just the Maverick expenses of opening up was 30, 000 on our personal cards.
Speaker:And then we had other things, but at that time too,because I, that was still within
Speaker:the first year of me quitting my job, which, I probably put that strain on us.
Speaker:I didn't need to do.
Speaker:But it worked out, and we made a plan for it, but right after starting
Speaker:Know Your Worth, I hated working from home and I wanted to be out.
Speaker:So we opened up a co working space, and so in a time period where we didn't
Speaker:have a ton of cash flow that wasn't very consistent we opened up The Maverick.
Speaker:And...
Speaker:I will say that all the budgets that I had for the Maverick were spot on.
Speaker:So I, we knew what we were getting into.
Speaker:We knew what the plan was, but that didn't make it any less real that we had credit
Speaker:card debt that we carried for a while.
Speaker:Just because we didn't want to be out of cash should anything happen.
Speaker:We were absolutely both willing to pay interest on things to know
Speaker:that we still had an emergency fund and a savings and all of that.
Speaker:So that was a little bit longer probably, but it took about maybe a year of us being
Speaker:married to really feel like I think we were totally clear on what we had fully.
Speaker:And then in the past two years is whenever we feel now good with
Speaker:the business and the income coming in, where we've set up another
Speaker:investment account and restructured kind of the way the money flows.
Speaker:The joint bank account we didn't set up until after I started Know Your Worth.
Speaker:Really?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I think it was just one of those things that we were very open and talking
Speaker:about where things were coming from.
Speaker:But then I get very scattered with what date is what.
Speaker:So it was like, oh, okay, the water bills due this day.
Speaker:And then I'd be like, Oh, did I pay it?
Speaker:And I hated that feeling.
Speaker:I hate that feeling.
Speaker:So I just said to Alex that we need it to be set up where I
Speaker:don't have to worry about it.
Speaker:So this account needs to be funded by you from your paycheck and me from my
Speaker:paycheck And all these automatic bills that are the same every month will come
Speaker:out of it And that account will grow just a little bit Every paycheck and so
Speaker:then we don't have to worry about it.
Speaker:We don't have to touch it We don't have to talk about it.
Speaker:It's less money that we have to exchange back and forth So it just feels like
Speaker:we're both contributing to the same thing without It going from him to me to the
Speaker:account or from me to him to the account.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So that feels a lot better too.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You two have it all together.
Speaker:We don't, but You do.
Speaker:We work on it.
Speaker:From my perspective.
Speaker:We like to talk, so we talk a lot about it.
Speaker:You guys do have great communication.
Speaker:A lot about it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Do you think that money is probably like the number one
Speaker:thing that people fight about?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah, I do.
Speaker:And they might not know it, but the basis is money because...
Speaker:If it always, if like you peel back all the layers, it would
Speaker:be like a dollar in the middle.
Speaker:Yeah, I realize it's because I think it's selfishness around money of one partner
Speaker:feeling like they're providing more and they're not getting an equal share back.
Speaker:One partner being very scared of spending money and the other
Speaker:partner loving to spend money.
Speaker:And even if that money is spent within control, it's just if the one partner
Speaker:doesn't value what the other partner wants to spend their money on, then
Speaker:they're always going to be annoyed.
Speaker:If that's men with golf or if it's women with Target.
Speaker:It's both sides.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But I think a lot of the basis is money.
Speaker:I do.
Speaker:Yeah, I think it is.
Speaker:Yeah, I do.
Speaker:If I could peel back 90 percent of the fights that Chris and I
Speaker:have, that comes down to that.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I think that's very normal.
Speaker:I really do.
Speaker:I think it's very normal.
Speaker:I think it's.
Speaker:Just part of being in a partnership Yeah.
Speaker:And trying to navigate life and . I do.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So what does your situation look like?
Speaker:As much as you want to share?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:When Chris and I got married, so we've been married for 12 years
Speaker:and we were been together for 14.
Speaker:And we lived together after a year.
Speaker:We always pretty much had things separate.
Speaker:We both had corporate jobs.
Speaker:He had his fitness company.
Speaker:I worked in the school district, but then same thing like we lived in an apartment.
Speaker:We shared okay, I'll pay the rent.
Speaker:I'll pay the water.
Speaker:We divided it.
Speaker:He made more than me at that time.
Speaker:And so what I didn't contribute in finances.
Speaker:I probably contributed in like sweat equity.
Speaker:Like I cleaned, I did the laundry.
Speaker:I felt like I had to like,because I'm just somebody who feels
Speaker:like I want things to be equal.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It goes back to some deep childhood stuff, but we don't have to do that here.
Speaker:So anyway, so that's what we did for a really long time.
Speaker:And then we got married and we got the joint checking account, joint savings
Speaker:account, but we both kept our own.
Speaker:also just for freedom because we are also are not the you can't buy that.
Speaker:You can't do that.
Speaker:I don't hide my bags in the car when I go shopping and I never did.
Speaker:He doesn't hide anything from me that I know of.
Speaker:So it's just like we both were independent and we wanted to feel that independence.
Speaker:So we did that for a very long time.
Speaker:And then when I left my school counseling job and started the other job where
Speaker:I was making a lot more money, and I replaced both of our salaries.
Speaker:When we had the conversation that he would leave his job I didn't think
Speaker:about it too much and I wish I would have thought about it more, but I
Speaker:was so like proud of being able to support both of us at the time that I
Speaker:think I just let ego take over maybe.
Speaker:And I was just like, I'm taking care of everything, which is a novelty
Speaker:at first until it's not anymore.
Speaker:At that point then, I think it was a little bit of a, like even though he
Speaker:wanted to do that and he wanted to pursue his own company and his own dreams.
Speaker:And all of those things, he did have a give and take with the,
Speaker:I'm not the supporter anymore, or I'm not matching her equally.
Speaker:So I feel like we've had, some discussions around that.
Speaker:So anyways, I've been our family supporter for the last seven years.
Speaker:It has had some...
Speaker:Very clear downs and some very clear ups, and I'm proud of myself that I
Speaker:can do what I do, but it's definitely difficult, and I'm like you, like I,
Speaker:I pay the bills just because, not just because I make the money at this point,
Speaker:I always did, because I just need to know I need to check it off my list.
Speaker:I think we have trust issues.
Speaker:Yeah, I just, yeah, I just Yeah, it's a control, yeah.
Speaker:I don't want to get in the shower one day and need to be
Speaker:somewhere and there's no water.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Because somebody forgot to do something.
Speaker:Yep, absolutely.
Speaker:So, I've always been the person who takes care of that also.
Speaker:I think what we wanted to transition into is like what advice you would
Speaker:give people who need to have those conversations with their partner, what
Speaker:tangible things can you do and then I'll share a little bit about what we don't do
Speaker:and maybe what we'll start to implement.
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker:So one of the things that you said in the beginning of what you were talking
Speaker:about is when Chris was providing at that point too, and you were doing a lot of
Speaker:the household stuff because you really felt like you needed to, and that's what
Speaker:I was doing in the beginning where I, I had A really strong, steady income.
Speaker:And then I, when we first had moved into our house and I was doing
Speaker:laundry and cooking and I didn't realize how much I hated those things.
Speaker:Not, I love cooking, but cooking for fun.
Speaker:Like, Everyday, all the time.
Speaker:It's more of I just want on a Saturday afternoon to make a cake.
Speaker:I love cooking.
Speaker:I love to look at recipes.
Speaker:I love all that stuff.
Speaker:But I don't want to be responsible for putting dinner on the table every night.
Speaker:And thank God I don't have kids right now.because I know that has to change it.
Speaker:Just that mentality just has to change a little bit.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I, the trend on tick tock with the girl dinner is like my favorite thing ever.
Speaker:Like I could do girl dinner every night.
Speaker:Like just a couple of snacky things.
Speaker:I'm good.
Speaker:A couple pieces of cheeses, a pickle or two, little glass of wine.
Speaker:I'm not like good.
Speaker:But so that was really different whenever, I felt like I was working so
Speaker:hard to try to build up this business and Alex had a great job He was definitely
Speaker:making more money than me at that point But I felt like I was doing a lot like
Speaker:I felt like I was busting my butt every day And then I was coming home and there
Speaker:was no laundry done There was no food done, but those were my roles before and
Speaker:I took them on myself like I never Told Alex that this is what I'm going to do.
Speaker:This is what yeah, I wasn't like that But it was just like I was doing them
Speaker:then all of a sudden like the house was just like a mess and I remember
Speaker:I just had a breakdown I was like, I just can't do the home stuff anymore.
Speaker:I and I hate it.
Speaker:I I I despise laundry.
Speaker:And if my mom listens to this, she'll laugh and then get so mad at
Speaker:me because I just despise laundry.
Speaker:I cannot do, I can do one load max, like one load max.
Speaker:And it's not once a week.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it's not once a week.
Speaker:I can do one load max like every two weeks or three weeks.
Speaker:But I also have enough clothes that I can typically get through that
Speaker:time period without needing to do it, which also isn't a good thing.
Speaker:But I know that I hate laundry.
Speaker:And I'm not very good at I think it's an ADHD thing too, where like, I have a
Speaker:coffee and I leave the cup there and walk away and it'll stay there for two days.
Speaker:I'm like, Oh, that was my cup.
Speaker:Yeah, I just don't see it.
Speaker:I don't think about it.
Speaker:And so I remember having this like breakdown to Alex, like I
Speaker:can't do these things anymore.
Speaker:Like I just, I, if you want clean clothes, You have to wash them a little bit too
Speaker:and he was like, okay, that's fine.
Speaker:Like I get it I'm not I never asked you to do this Right, he was like you
Speaker:never asked me to do it before Yeah, I could do that or and then he just
Speaker:started cleaning up around the house more and then it's funny because where
Speaker:He wasn't necessarily Like a clean freak, or had any of that before at all.
Speaker:He has it a little bit more now, which is also really fun for me,
Speaker:because I'll come home and the house is really clean, and he's yeah, there
Speaker:was just stuff everywhere, and I'm like, yeah, that was my fault, sorry.
Speaker:But, it's done.
Speaker:It's really fun that it's like, he's absolutely picked up all of
Speaker:that weight of the things that were just like, too much for me at home.
Speaker:Do you feel, sorry to interrupt, but do you feel like because he has left his
Speaker:job and worked with you now, and you are to the owner of the company, that he,
Speaker:there's like a role reversal and he feels like he has to be the sweat equity now.
Speaker:Yes and no.
Speaker:Yeah, I think that was probably it for a while there that he really
Speaker:wanted to Step it up after and he's talked about that too, like he
Speaker:really wants to step up and just be working really hard for everything.
Speaker:And so I think that when he realized how much of a burden was lifted off of
Speaker:me by just doing that kind of stuff.
Speaker:I think he was like, Oh, wow, this is great.
Speaker:didn't realize this was this big of a deal.
Speaker:Because it, not that it wasn't a big deal to him, but at the
Speaker:time it, it really wasn't.
Speaker:He didn't care if there was a cup on the table, but I didn't either.
Speaker:But then there would be six cups on the table.
Speaker:And so then it felt like so much.
Speaker:And we've also talked about this too, that It was tough when we were working in
Speaker:different places because he felt like he was working so hard all day at work and
Speaker:I felt like I was working so hard all day at work and then we'd come home and be
Speaker:like, you don't know the day that I had.
Speaker:You don't know what I've been through today.
Speaker:It's not a contest, it can't be a contest and it turns into that.
Speaker:And so I've listened to one thing on Brene Brown was saying
Speaker:it was a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker:I saw this post and she was like my husband and I have a system
Speaker:where when we come home, We check in with, what level are you at?
Speaker:And she's you're never going to be 50 50, ever.
Speaker:It's just not possible.
Speaker:One of you one day is going to be 100, and the other one is going to be 20.
Speaker:One day one of you is going to be 30, the one will be 70.
Speaker:Then the next day it'll be 40, and you'll both be at 40.
Speaker:And it'll both be terrible.
Speaker:But you have to be honest and not make it a competition, but like, when
Speaker:you come home, hey, where are you at?
Speaker:And we're trying to do that.
Speaker:We don't use like the 50 50, like our numbers per se, we'll come home
Speaker:and just be like, Hey, I just am mentally like not here right now.
Speaker:So I can't do the laundry tonight.
Speaker:If you need something let's pick out the one or two things
Speaker:you need and let's do it.
Speaker:Or it's going to wait.
Speaker:It's going to be pushed.
Speaker:Or, can you do it?
Speaker:And a lot of the times it'll just be like, oh, I can do that.
Speaker:Yeah, no big deal.
Speaker:So if it's something that you typically do And again, I think
Speaker:that The Hey, I'm at 60 right now.
Speaker:And I think it comes a lot more into play too when you have kids to be like, who's
Speaker:going to be there for the kids tonight.
Speaker:Cause it's very easy for us to be like, Hey, we're both exhausted.
Speaker:Let's just put on a show and ignore everything like, and we can do that.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:But like when you have to be there to support, you don't
Speaker:get the lives of children.
Speaker:You don't.
Speaker:So you need to know, Hey, what was your day?
Speaker:Like my day was, I was, I've been up since, five 30 in the
Speaker:morning and I have this event.
Speaker:I'm not going to get home till 11.
Speaker:I'm going to be at 10 percent when I get home.
Speaker:Yeah, I need you to be it I need you to be at a minimum 60, Like
Speaker:as long as you're above 10, you need to help me out a little bit.
Speaker:Yeah I saw this trend on tick tock to called the golden hour.
Speaker:Have you seen that?
Speaker:No, it's with couples who have children and they take turns every other night
Speaker:after dinner that one parent does the cleanup of dinner and the prep for the
Speaker:next morning while the other parent takes the kids either outside or To the
Speaker:playroom to play and spend time with them because the worst thing is when
Speaker:you're both trying to clean everything up You're both annoyed from your days
Speaker:Maybe you've had an argument or something that the kids need attention because kids
Speaker:at night are like the neediest things you've ever seen But then you each get to
Speaker:take turns every other day like because sometimes I love my kids more than
Speaker:anything, but I don't want to play my little ponies in the Playroom at night.
Speaker:I want to turn on the music and I want to mindlessly clean the kitchen
Speaker:Yep, and so you get to take like share that load and share that balance and
Speaker:just bring it back around to finances I think it's the same as anything
Speaker:else in a partnership like yeah open communication tools for survival.
Speaker:Yeah preperation and giving each other grace with how hard the other ones
Speaker:are working because I think that's to bring all of it back To finance like
Speaker:you're saying is like a lot of it comes down to who worked harder Who
Speaker:had a harder day, who provided more.
Speaker:But everyone thinks they're working hard.
Speaker:Exactly.
Speaker:So it's be real with yourself, be real with your partner
Speaker:and be honest about it too.
Speaker:So it's if you can't provide the same income.
Speaker:how can you provide?
Speaker:If you aren't, if, and if you, or if you don't want to, if you don't want
Speaker:to provide the same income, you want to start your own business and take that
Speaker:leap, then what's the communication to be that you are still going to
Speaker:be supporting your partner, right?
Speaker:They look forward to exactly what can they look forward to?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And what does the timeline look like too?
Speaker:And so that's where if you have a budget and a plan when that
Speaker:budget or plan runs out or reaches its course, what's the new plan?
Speaker:What's the new timeline?
Speaker:It can't be no timeline, no plan, no budget.
Speaker:And then what?
Speaker:Then it's just, you're navigating nothing.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I think it's really good to have those open conversations and to give some
Speaker:tools that we used for this too, like Excel is obviously a really good one.
Speaker:You can be able to show your budget to show your plans, but Alex and I use Mint.
Speaker:It's a budgeting app that's owned by Intuit, which is also
Speaker:who owns like QuickBooks, so it's a really good savvy tool.
Speaker:We hook all of our bank accounts up to it.
Speaker:So then it's also Mindless after that where it does the
Speaker:categorization because it knows, okay.
Speaker:Chick fil A is food, so it'll automatically categorize them.
Speaker:And so you can see how much money you're both spending every month.
Speaker:And we'll sit down together, every once in a while we'll do finance, we
Speaker:used to do finance dates like weekly.
Speaker:That's really cool.
Speaker:We would do them weekly.
Speaker:We would sit down and talk about what our goals for that week were, how much we
Speaker:were saving, how much we were spending.
Speaker:And this was before we had that joint account, so it was very clear
Speaker:like what was going on all the time.
Speaker:And make it fun, open up a fancy bottle of wine or a fancy drink.
Speaker:And go get nice food or just, yeah, light a candle, like whatever you
Speaker:can do to make it feel elevated.
Speaker:It doesn't have to be in your house.
Speaker:Rent a hotel room for the night.
Speaker:Go and take a business trip, make it fun.
Speaker:But sit down and have finance dates where this is what's
Speaker:in all of our bank accounts.
Speaker:This is where the status of all of our debt is.
Speaker:And, what's the plan?
Speaker:Okay, when my paycheck comes in next week, where's it going to?
Speaker:When I get this next client, where's it going to?
Speaker:Are we prepared for taxes?
Speaker:Are we prepared for a car to break down?
Speaker:And so if it were to happen, Where would the funds come from?
Speaker:what's our backup?
Speaker:What's our plan?
Speaker:And then you can both be feeling a lot more secure in that conversation.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it's fun.
Speaker:Alex and I are very goal oriented people as well.
Speaker:And I'm a very forward thinking person.
Speaker:I'm a very futuristic thinking person.
Speaker:Alex is definitely forward thinking, but he's very much more like in the moment and
Speaker:present or in the very immediate future.
Speaker:So like the next week, the next month where I feel like I'm more like five
Speaker:years, like I'm more of five years down the road, three years down the road is
Speaker:where my brain is at most of the time.
Speaker:And we both can meet each other somewhere in the middle, but we
Speaker:need to make sure that we both have a clear picture of the right now.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So that's hard for, if Alex isn't sure what I'm doing with My three year goal.
Speaker:I need to bring it back to his language.
Speaker:And what does that look like right now?
Speaker:But also what does that look like in three months and that's sometimes
Speaker:where we have that disconnect is oh, I want to do This is going to be great.
Speaker:It's going to be huge I'm thinking three years down the road and we're
Speaker:both thinking about today and like what we want to do right now But I'm
Speaker:thinking three years down the road and he's thinking three months, right?
Speaker:So he might be settled in on the Well, in three months, we're
Speaker:going to be really low on cash.
Speaker:With the Maverick, I'll use this as an example, we might not
Speaker:have any members at that point.
Speaker:We're going to be paying the rent on this building.
Speaker:We just bought all this furniture.
Speaker:That's what three, three months doesn't look very fun.
Speaker:Three months, three months for me though, was like, Oh, I have clarity in my head.
Speaker:I'll be able to work so, so well.
Speaker:And knowing though in three years we'll have made that back because
Speaker:I made the budget and the plan.
Speaker:So I know we're going to get to that point and I'm living in the
Speaker:mentality of the future, but he's very much in the three months.
Speaker:So it's figuring out how can I get him to see the three months,
Speaker:but also are three years, but then also me acknowledging where he is.
Speaker:And I would say a note on the finance states like you and Alex very much
Speaker:have your, you have your communication down and you have a very healthy give
Speaker:and take of who shares what and money while it's stressful for everybody.
Speaker:You use all the tolls.
Speaker:So I wouldn't say you don't have stress, but you have less stress than
Speaker:some people Because you're organized and because you've put the work in
Speaker:for Chris and I money is a hot topic right now And so going on a finance
Speaker:date sounds like less fun than getting
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I would rather not ever go on a finance date because I don't want to for both
Speaker:of us to have to take off our sunglasses and look at everything together.
Speaker:So I would say if you are in a situation that isn't as great or
Speaker:isn't great at all, that may be a finance date you have to make sure
Speaker:that you're both in a sound headspace and know that you're walking into it
Speaker:calm and maybe lay some ground rules.
Speaker:This is going to get elevated because it's money and it does.
Speaker:So if we start to feel a little bit fussed up or like we want to scream maybe
Speaker:we need to have these rules in place.
Speaker:Like we're going to walk away, we're going to get a drink, we're going
Speaker:to bring it back to something fun.
Speaker:Yup.
Speaker:So you can still get to the end goal because you still have to do it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You have to do it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But like how can you do it without destroying your
Speaker:marriage or your relationship?
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:And I think to the one of the reasons why it was probably easier for me
Speaker:to have some of those conversations was Because that was my job.
Speaker:I see other people all the time.
Speaker:So I know it's very normal.
Speaker:And it's not taboo.
Speaker:But we make it taboo.
Speaker:I remember the most stress I was ever about money was whenever
Speaker:Alex and I were just dating, and I had 6, 000 of credit card debt.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I was losing sleep.
Speaker:I was so sick to my stomach about this.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That I was like, what is going on?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Like how am I in this debt?
Speaker:This is terrible.
Speaker:It's because I did this and this and this.
Speaker:And I did, we did this.
Speaker:And this was necessary and this was necessary.
Speaker:But this wasn't and this wasn't.
Speaker:And I was just eating myself up.
Speaker:When am I going to get out of this?
Speaker:And so that was like more stress than I've ever been in and that was That's
Speaker:to me like six thousand dollars that you can get out of six thousand dollars.
Speaker:Make a plan.
Speaker:You'll be good like It's hard whenever you don't have the income coming in and
Speaker:you're wondering where you're going to get rid of that six thousand dollars
Speaker:but That is a very manageable number, but at that time it felt like the
Speaker:biggest mountain in the world to me.
Speaker:But then whenever I started working more with personal finances with other
Speaker:people and talking about it more, but then also listening to books and
Speaker:listening to you're a bad ass at making money and all these different topics
Speaker:that covered personal finances and I realized that there was like a million
Speaker:other people in the same boat as me and then also becoming a bookkeeper.
Speaker:And seeing a lot of my clients being in that same boat, but their debt was higher
Speaker:and they got out of it and they were fine.
Speaker:And reading these books and their debts, like way higher and they get out of it.
Speaker:And then I got out of it and I'm like, okay, yeah, this is totally fine.
Speaker:And so that was probably, that was like years ago.
Speaker:And then when Alex and I.
Speaker:Got the Maverick and again, we're in like 30, 000 of debt I was way more
Speaker:relaxed than because you had done it.
Speaker:Yes, and you knew how to do it yeah, and I had seen my clients get out of that,
Speaker:you know their startup debt I you know you think about a business Almost every
Speaker:business owner that you see has startup debt or had startup debt all of those
Speaker:businesses Got out of it or they didn't take a paycheck, if they didn't have
Speaker:startup debt They never took a paycheck.
Speaker:So they lived without any personal money for a while I think it became easier for
Speaker:me to have those conversations because I knew that it was so normal Yeah, and
Speaker:that's part of the reason for this podcast is Making the listeners feel normal
Speaker:normal It's okay sharing the parts of our lives that maybe we aren't super proud
Speaker:of but knowing now that I know you and talk to you so openly like I know the
Speaker:things that I felt so much shame about a year ago I shouldn't feel shame about it.
Speaker:Like it's just part of living in this world.
Speaker:And trying to make the best decisions.
Speaker:And I think with money too, if you made the best decision, this is hard for me
Speaker:to learn, but at the time with what you knew, to survive or do what you had to
Speaker:do, then you know, you'll figure it out.
Speaker:But sometimes that is the position that you're put in.
Speaker:What are some other tools that you would suggest for people?
Speaker:So if you are self employed or you are a contractor of any kind, QuickBooks Self
Speaker:Employed is really good too, because you can do the same thing that Mint does, but
Speaker:it'll also create financial statements for the business side of your life.
Speaker:So if you're somebody that's a contractor, again, you can plug in all your credit
Speaker:cards, all your bank accounts, and then any money that comes in that's
Speaker:related to your contractor business or what you're doing to make that money.
Speaker:You just can swipe it to the right for business income.
Speaker:And then anything that comes in that's personal, you swipe
Speaker:it to the left for personal.
Speaker:And then it's the same thing with expenses.
Speaker:What was this expense?
Speaker:Oh, I went out to lunch with a client.
Speaker:That's a business expense.
Speaker:Oh, I went out to lunch with my friends.
Speaker:That's personal.
Speaker:So that was a really good one because then you can truly see what's a business
Speaker:expense and what's personal expense.
Speaker:Because I think that for a lot of the business owners that I work with that
Speaker:are just starting out, that share an account, it's very easy to get those
Speaker:blurred and to think that you have more money than you do, and then you don't
Speaker:feel like you have any money because you're spending it like you have more.
Speaker:So that was a really good one, I think QuickBooks in general, if you don't
Speaker:have QuickBooks as a business owner, or any of the tools, Xero, any of
Speaker:the bookkeeping tools Excel is great, but it really helps to be able to
Speaker:generate financial statements and get the whole picture of your business.
Speaker:So QuickBooks is huge.
Speaker:Intuit for anybody on just a personal finance level that doesn't want to
Speaker:include any of their business funds.
Speaker:That's perfect.
Speaker:That's what Alex and I use as mint.
Speaker:You need a budget.
Speaker:YNAB is another great software.
Speaker:It's awesome.
Speaker:The functionality for me, my brain doesn't work like that for the functionality.
Speaker:So like that one's hard for me to get into sometimes, but if you like the nitty
Speaker:gritty details and making that plan like down to the penny and then carrying over
Speaker:the funds to the next month or where they were, Yeah, like that one, that was hard
Speaker:for me, like the envelopes, but it makes sense if you're putting money into a
Speaker:travel budget and you're putting 50 bucks in every month and then by, after a couple
Speaker:months that travel budget's much higher and then when you use it, it can all come
Speaker:out, so it never looks like you're in the negative and then you're building back up.
Speaker:Or it can if you spend it and then you're replenishing it.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:YNAB was good, yeah.
Speaker:Quicken's a good one, Quicken is another good one.
Speaker:That's a very detailed interface as well very detailed interface,
Speaker:lots of data in Quicken.
Speaker:Intuit and YNAB I think are a lot more user friendly.
Speaker:Quicken can be very intense, but very good program as well.
Speaker:If you're somebody that likes data, those are good ones.
Speaker:And then Mint is on your phone.
Speaker:I'm sure they all are, but the way that I use Mint on my phone, it
Speaker:can be a widget on your background.
Speaker:So whenever you're out shopping, you can look at your phone and see How much money
Speaker:you've left in your budget for the month.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So that was a really good way whenever we were really saving
Speaker:and we were really nitty gritty about what we were spending on.
Speaker:I could just look at my phone and say, okay, my budget for this
Speaker:month, I have 500 left in my budget.
Speaker:But out of that, if I click on it, I can see that I only have
Speaker:250 left in my shopping budget.
Speaker:So now I know my budget at target is 250 bucks.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And that's if I want to spend my whole budget right now.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So that was really big.
Speaker:The other thing that I really love and this to me is, to set the scene a little
Speaker:bit on this one, I think what's funny and interesting about personal finance
Speaker:is if you're sick, you go to the doctor.
Speaker:If you have like a physical ailment or illness, we're not afraid to say it.
Speaker:We're not afraid to go to a doctor and ask for help.
Speaker:We might be afraid to tell our friends and talk about it, but we will go to
Speaker:a doctor and we will talk about it.
Speaker:If we have a mental.
Speaker:Instability or our illness or hardship Again, we might be uncomfortable saying
Speaker:to our friends all the time, but we will go and see a doctor For your finances.
Speaker:Why are we all expected to know everything about finances?
Speaker:That's not what we do, like Yeah, there is no like me being ashamed
Speaker:that I can't fix like you're not used that I picked up in the woods You
Speaker:can't perform open heart surgery.
Speaker:Yeah, like I can't prescribe myself Yeah, just like you're not supposed to know
Speaker:what every fund to invest into or how to manage all of these financial tools and
Speaker:It's so funny that everybody thinks that they need to be able to do this or they
Speaker:need to know inherently how to do this.
Speaker:Especially since we all came from the same educational system that
Speaker:taught us how to play dodgeball and how to balance a checkbook.
Speaker:And we all come from parents that probably didn't know how to manage it
Speaker:in the way that we need to manage it.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Everybody is different.
Speaker:So it's funny though, but basic health things, we all know how to manage that
Speaker:for the most part, and you watch your parents, whether or not they do it,
Speaker:you know that stuff, but you still have no problem for the most part.
Speaker:Going to a doctor and asking for help.
Speaker:Yeah, seeking help when you need it.
Speaker:But for things that are just so much bigger and harder, and no
Speaker:one wants to talk about, we don't go and talk to people about it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I think a lot of that is I think that sometimes my conversations with
Speaker:some of my clients ends up being more like, Therapeutic than anything else
Speaker:and like I feel like sometimes I they want permission to go and spend it or to
Speaker:have the debt in this and I don't want to ever feel like I'm their therapist,
Speaker:but I want to help but I'm sure you and I feel I know that's where I think
Speaker:sometimes that's how I feel with that but what I want to say to that is like
Speaker:Everybody should have something like that.
Speaker:Have a friend that has your back.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And just say I need to have an open conversation about money.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Is this something that you would be comfortable with?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And people will tell you, for the most part, if they are or not, No,
Speaker:money makes me really uncomfortable.
Speaker:I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:Don't.
Speaker:Move on.
Speaker:Hey, to an aunt or an uncle or a grandparent or a parent or a co worker,
Speaker:especially if it's a co worker that you know is sort of in the same kind
Speaker:of you make around the same amount.
Speaker:You live in the same area.
Speaker:You know what their background is to have somebody that you can share
Speaker:that conversation with is huge and no judgment again, like no judgment.
Speaker:So seek that help.
Speaker:Seek that financial help.
Speaker:It is really freeing.
Speaker:It is.
Speaker:And it makes such a big difference whenever you know that
Speaker:you're not alone in this box.
Speaker:And so with that kind of having that like therapeutic side and that mentality side,
Speaker:one of the other tools that's really helped me is And this is going to probably
Speaker:sound interesting, but also oversimplified to some people is Pinterest.
Speaker:And so I have my not necessarily a dream board, but a lifestyle board
Speaker:and I called it, when I got married and when I was changing
Speaker:my name, I called it like, S.
Speaker:L.
Speaker:Conway Sidney Conway.
Speaker:And,because that was my married name, so I was like, this is the person I want to be.
Speaker:So I made this about four years ago, and this is the person I want to be.
Speaker:And I pinned all of these images of...
Speaker:The lifestyle that I wanted, not just like the car I wanted or the house that I
Speaker:wanted, but I want to wear this to work.
Speaker:I want to feel like this person looks, I want to feel like
Speaker:this picture is making me feel.
Speaker:I want to wear these outfits.
Speaker:And I made that a big widget, that board, you can make that
Speaker:board a widget on your phone.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:So on your phone, those pictures will cycle every hour.
Speaker:So every hour you'll get like a different taste of...
Speaker:The life you want.
Speaker:So what I tried to start asking myself, and this is still hard because again,
Speaker:especially if you're somebody with ADHD or you just like to shop or you get
Speaker:excited all the time you go to a store and you just have an impulse purchase,
Speaker:so it still happens, but I try to think about it, especially when I'm buying
Speaker:clothes and when I'm buying things that I'm going to use all the time.
Speaker:Is this in line with who I want to be?
Speaker:Does this align with who I want?
Speaker:If it aligns with who I want and it's in my budget, I
Speaker:should have no guilt buying it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You'll feel guilty when you buy something that doesn't align with your values.
Speaker:Love that.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So that's one of the other tools for me is Pinterest.
Speaker:Making that board, putting that up there.
Speaker:If you shop and spend within your values, you won't regret the purchase.
Speaker:Yeah, that's great.
Speaker:It's a lot of great tips for getting started with a conversation with
Speaker:a partner or just by yourself on how to, get your ducks in a row.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I think I've said that 15 times since we started this podcast, but yeah,
Speaker:it's good to get in all the ducks.
Speaker:They're all crazy.
Speaker:They're like swimming in different directions, got to round them all up,
Speaker:bring them all back and start that whirlpool and just suck them all back.
Speaker:That's what a budget is.
Speaker:It's yeah.
Speaker:Just suck everything back in.
Speaker:Swirling it all in.
Speaker:It just comes all, rains it all back in.
Speaker:Rains it all back in.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Do you think you'll use any of the tools that we talked about now?
Speaker:Yes, I do.
Speaker:And I have Mint on my phone from that conversation we had last year.
Speaker:And it'll even, I must have an account because it'll send me emails and it's
Speaker:you just got charged for something.
Speaker:I'm like, where did that come from?
Speaker:So I think that I need to revisit that probably with you.
Speaker:So I'll buy you dinner.
Speaker:And we can look at my finances.
Speaker:But I think Mint, and then I love that Pinterest idea, like I think I do need to
Speaker:get clear on my values because when I get overwhelmed, or I get anxiety, or I get
Speaker:depressed, I shop for the dopamine hit to fill the hole, and if I am not clear
Speaker:on what my values are, or what I want, or the person I want to be, I'm just like,
Speaker:buying rando stuff off of Amazon, so.
Speaker:I'm guilty of the dopamine hit too,because it's like, it does, it's that immediate
Speaker:satisfaction, and like knowing that an Amazon package will be on your porch
Speaker:it's just so satisfying, and that's the world that we live in it's that
Speaker:easy, it's that quick to just feel that but if you can, Set a budget for what
Speaker:your dopamine hit limit is, I might just like all that line like dopamine.
Speaker:Yeah, and that's fine again knowing yourself is what's important with
Speaker:this too So if like I need to buy myself something little like once
Speaker:a week just to like I need a little treat For myself is it Starbucks?
Speaker:Maybe is it ice cream?
Speaker:Maybe is it cheese?
Speaker:Maybe?
Speaker:Like
Speaker:So what is your shopping budget and limit?
Speaker:What is that?
Speaker:For you, and what can you make it feasible for your budget and for your family?
Speaker:And then also what can you keep small and you're not cluttering
Speaker:your mind and your life with things.
Speaker:And that's what I'm trying to think of myself too with that is okay, one of the
Speaker:things that I've really now established is who I want to be as someone that lives
Speaker:a more minimalistic life than I was.
Speaker:I am not a minimalist and I never will be at all.
Speaker:I'm just not.
Speaker:I appreciate minimalism, but it is not me at all.
Speaker:I love stuff.
Speaker:I love knickknacks.
Speaker:I love things.
Speaker:I love color.
Speaker:I love brightness.
Speaker:I love just everything.
Speaker:Like I love knickknacks.
Speaker:I love them all.
Speaker:I just want all the little things.
Speaker:Like I love stuff.
Speaker:I really do.
Speaker:And so I want to stop.
Speaker:Feeling bad about liking stuff.
Speaker:And I think that people sometimes make you feel bad about liking stuff.
Speaker:But, my grandma was a hoarder.
Speaker:Hoarding runs in my family, for sure.
Speaker:That's, that is hereditary, if you didn't know that.
Speaker:That, that runs in the family, for sure.
Speaker:Hoarder.
Speaker:And I don't...
Speaker:Want to ever get to that point and sometimes I can have a tendency to do
Speaker:that where I just I'll hold on to things Memories old stuff like I just I keep
Speaker:it all one of the things that I need to know is I need things to be more in the
Speaker:open So I know okay if I'm going to buy something now My thought is where I'm
Speaker:going to where am I going to put it?
Speaker:Like I have to think where am I going to put it when I buy something?
Speaker:Yeah, not just me using it, but where am I going to put it?
Speaker:Yeah, and I've actually gotten pretty good at that because I haven't bought any
Speaker:craft stuff in a while I noticed that.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:I didn't want to say anything.
Speaker:I've been pretty good because you've been really good.
Speaker:I have nowhere else to put it.
Speaker:So until I get rid of some of the old stuff, the couple spools of yarn
Speaker:and crochet needles that I have.
Speaker:Cricket and the machine.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:The, I used yesterday, I used the Cricut yesterday.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So that was good.
Speaker:And that kind of stuff, just being able to.
Speaker:Think about what your values are.
Speaker:Know yourself, be honest with yourself and don't let other people sway
Speaker:you for what's important to you.
Speaker:And from there, try to start asking yourself questions before you buy stuff.
Speaker:And then, the same could go for your partner if you commit to doing it
Speaker:together, that's a lot easier than just telling your partner that they
Speaker:need to start doing this or that.
Speaker:Hey, you need to think that this is within your values before you buy it.
Speaker:That's a hard conversation to have.
Speaker:So I think if you can say more along the lines of a budget of, hey, we're both
Speaker:going to commit to this dollar amount of our dopamine hit spending, or our shopping
Speaker:budget, or our miscellaneous stuff.
Speaker:Set up the funds to be that way.
Speaker:Load up a prepaid gift card every month.
Speaker:And that's your limit.
Speaker:If anybody's a Dave Ramsey listener, I've gone through periods of
Speaker:time where I really like Dave Ramsey, and then sometimes where
Speaker:it just doesn't fit my lifestyle.
Speaker:And I think that's again with any advice that you hear for finances, take what
Speaker:you need, leave what you don't need and know that everybody's life is different.
Speaker:So you know, one of the things that Dave Ramsey does is that envelope method.
Speaker:So get cash out, put it in envelopes and when the envelopes are gone, that's it.
Speaker:You're done.
Speaker:Another way to do that is through gift cards.
Speaker:If you just want to say, okay, every month I'm going to go buy myself a
Speaker:hundred dollar target gift card and that's my budget for the month is that
Speaker:a hundred dollar target gift card.
Speaker:That's a really easy way to just see it.
Speaker:And then, if you are going above that, why?
Speaker:Why are you going above it?
Speaker:Is it for the dopamine hit?
Speaker:Do you actually need it?
Speaker:Did you need those three colors of nail polish?
Speaker:Exactly.
Speaker:Probably not.
Speaker:Exactly.
Speaker:So I think those are, a lot of times personal spending is
Speaker:such a psychological thing.
Speaker:And I think just understanding the psychological piece and
Speaker:giving yourself a little bit of grace is always a good thing.
Speaker:And communicating all of that with your whoever you're managing finances with.
Speaker:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker:Good tips.
Speaker:Fun fun.
Speaker:But it's fun to share because I've seen a lot of different ones.
Speaker:I have a lot of different clients that use a lot of different stuff.
Speaker:It's fun to talk about.
Speaker:I like talking about it now.
Speaker:I think it's really empowering to talk about finances and debt and
Speaker:that the icky stuff that's happened.
Speaker:It's empowering to talk about moving forward.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I love talking about it.
Speaker:So I want to help anybody else have the conversations that
Speaker:they're not currently having.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:We're so lucky to have you.
Speaker:Oh gosh, money maven.
Speaker:Oh please.
Speaker:Next episode will be our sixth.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And we hope you come back for it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Join us.
Speaker:Join us.
