If you've ever felt like your fertility journey keeps throwing curveball after curveball, this episode is for you. I'm sitting down with Kara, one of my Fertility Fight Club members, and she is sharing her whole story.

Kara's journey started with two ectopic pregnancies (including a rupture that landed her in the hospital), which led her into IVF. From there, she went through failed transfers, a lab mishap that put her embryos in question, and months of testing to find answers her original clinic never looked for - including a stubborn case of ureaplasma, low iron, and low vitamin D.

But the biggest twist in her story wasn't medical. In the middle of prepping for a transfer, Kara made the decision to leave her marriage - and chose to move forward on her own, with a sperm donor, rather than put her dream of being a mom on hold.

We talk about:

• Trusting your gut when doctors dismiss your symptoms
• What it actually means to "optimize" your body for a transfer (iron, vitamin D, microbiome, building muscle)
• The judgment women face when they choose to do this alone
• Choosing yourself, even when it means walking away from what you thought your path would look like

This one is real, it's raw, and if you're in the thick of your own fertility fight, I hope it reminds you that you're not fighting alone.

Connect with Kara:

Instagram: @karathevampireslayer

More from The Fertility Fight Club:

FertilityBlooms.com

Join The Fertility Fight Club

Fertility Coaching Programs

Follow on Instagram: @fertilityblooms

Helpful Timestamps:

• 00:00 Kara’s Fertility Journey
• 02:04 First Ectopic Pregnancy
• 05:21 Rupture and Tube Loss
• 06:15 Second Ectopic and IVF Choice
• 09:42 Embryos and First Transfer
• 11:51 Lab Medium Recall Shock
• 15:57 Meeting Crystal and New Plan
• 16:50 Testing Vitamins Microbiome
• 19:53 Nutrition Weight Muscle Plan
• 21:57 Marriage Ends, Transfer Paused
• 26:00 Donor IVF
• 29:30 Solo IVF Judgment
• 35:01 Microbiome LIT Transfer Prep

Mentioned in this episode:

Fertility Fight Club

Today on The Fertility Fight Club, I have a very special guest, one of my favorite clients of all time that's in a member of our Fertility Fight Club, Cara.

who's been through it all, from ectopic pregnancies, egg retrievals, leaving her husband, getting a sperm donor-

now getting ready to transfer.

She is the most resilient girl ready to do this journey solo.

You don't wanna miss this episode.

She is one of the reasons that we started- … The Fertility Fight Club podcast and YouTube channel.

So Cara, welcome to the podcast.

Thank you, Crystal.

I'm excited to be here.

I'm

so excited.

I'm excited to

tell my story.

You have been through so much on this- Mm-hmm … fertility journey.

I'm not sure we'll get through it all because- Yeah … she's really had to, like, battle, battle it out with the boxing gloves.

Mm-hmm.

So, welcome, Cara.

Thank you, Crystal.

Yeah, sometimes that's how it is, though, and I think, like, the main thing is that a lot of people don't even, wouldn't even know, like, half your story of what's going on.

No.

And it's a lot of us, us girls have been through that, as you know.

We have.

So.

Yes.

One, one in six.

Yeah.

One in six.

Yeah.

And one in four have had miscarriages, so you're right.

Yeah.

Hi, I'm so happy you're here listening to my show, The Fertility Fight Club.

I really need your help with something super easy.

It's a huge help for you to like and subscribe on your favorite platform so you never miss an episode.

It's a small thing, but it helps us reach more women like you who need this community.

Thank you so much for being here and supporting the work we're doing.

Now, back to the show.

So let's go back to the beginning-

Yes

… Crystal: that you've been through it all.

She's been- Yeah … through multiple rounds of IVF.

She's been through, multiple transfers and egg retrievals.

But let's start at the beginning.

Yeah.

And when Cara and I first met, one of the first, I guess, things she had told me is she had an ectopic, and then she had another one.

Yeah.

And so did I, so- Mm-hmm … I, we connected right away.

Yeah.

Because the ectopic pregnancy club is a l- a smaller club.

Yeah.

And it takes, it's a different feeling when you lose your tubes.

Yeah.

So Cara, talk to me about your first ectopic 'cause you had one of the warning signs.

So this is gonna be actually a warning piece as well-

Yeah

on what happens.

So.

I think this was also, like, a big lesson for me as well because, you know, sometimes they say that doctors don't listen to you, and you really have to advocate for your own- Yes … health and your, yourself.

And I discovered that in that situation because there was something in, like, my intuition telling me that something was wrong.

But, you know, there's many moments when nobody listens, or you feel- Yeah … like there's nobody listening to you.

That's right.

And I guess it's kind of what happened with me.

So I had been basically this was back in, I guess, the end of 2022 or beginning of 2023, and I remember, I think it was the beginning of the year and I was feeling, like, strange.

Like, something was off because I had my period and it was just going on for so long.

It was… I think it was over a month or something.

Oh my goodness.

And like, something is going on here.

Something's wrong.

There was weird spotting.

It was, like- Yeah … concerning.

So I remember going to my family doctor.

I went to a clinic first just to get some blood work done and see what's going on.

Nobody even gave me a pregnancy test, first of all.

I didn't think that I was because I wasn't trying.

But that should be standard.

And you would think.

Sometimes even if you,

even if you say, "No, there's no chance," they still run your pregnancy test, so.

Yeah,

they should.

Yeah.

And, family doctor didn't.

I think I went to my family doctor twice, and then, the clinic, nothing was wrong.

that blood panel didn't show anything.

But anyways, I went to, from my family doctor, I still said, " Could this be, like, something like an ectopic?" ' Cause I looked, looked it up and- Were you

looking at Dr. Google?

Yeah, I was.

I was.

This is, like, I swear- Yeah … this is before ChatGPT, so.

Yeah.

Everybody.

Just on Google, you know?

Uh, yeah, Dr. Google.

And, um, I thought maybe it could be something like that, and I just always had this, like, bad gut feeling like something was not good.

Trust your gut.

Trust your

gut.

And I didn't have the insane pain like people- Mm-hmm … say that they have, so my family doctor just didn't s- She said, "Oh, y- if you had an ectopic, you would have-" Shoulder pain

severe pain or you would just not be able to be sitting here having this conversation with me right now." I'm like, "Well, I don't know about that," but I had some ultrasound booked for my tubes because- I said, "I'm just gonna go get a s- I wanna get a scan of in there because something doesn't feel right." So I had to go to, like, a specialty clinic.

Yep.

And only when I got there, which was, like, a couple weeks from then, did the nurse or the guy there say, "Oh, did anyone give you a pregnancy test yet?" 'Cause he's like, "These-" After

all that time.

Yeah, and it had been, like, a long time.

Unbelievable.

It had been, like, almost probably, like, two months of bleeding at that point, or a month and a half.

And he gave me one, and right away he's like, " Yep, you're pregnant." So at first they didn't know what it was.

They thought maybe it was, like, an early miscarriage or- Yeah … something.

They didn't know, so they kept having me come back to get looked at, and it ended up being an ectopic, but it had progressed so much that I had to get rushed to the hospital.

It had ruptured the tube.

So that all happened within, like, less than 24 hours-

Yeah, when it goes, it goes

fast … getting rushed to the hospital.

Yeah.

And then it was a blur.

after that I had wanted to try again.

They only removed the one tube, and I wasn't really-

And they said you, they didn't give you any warnings that- No

like, an ectopic could happen again- Um … or anything like that 'cause they had removed the damaged tube, right?

They, yeah.

They said, they said that you're always gonna be more at risk-

Yeah

… Kara: after you have one.

Yeah.

But I was, I was-

You were young.

Yeah, and I was okay with it- Yeah … like, trying again.

but I don't even think I was really trying.

I just wasn't being really cautious or anything.

So I ended up having another ectopic.

Shortly after.

Yeah.

Yeah Probably, like, three months.

But they caught that one early.

However, because that happened, I made the decision that, okay, I'm not gonna try naturally.

I think IVF is gonna be the way that I'm gonna have to go, 'cause I know women that have had a couple, and then you just keep having them.

It's…

Yeah.

So-

And is that when you went to your first fertility clinic?

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

' Crystal: Cause like most of us, Kara's been to a couple fertility clinics.

Yeah.

I don't think… I don't know.

We should do, like, a little poll.

Maybe in the comments or whatever, people can let us know, how many clinics have you been to?

Oh, my

gosh.

And I, I've only been now I guess it would be t- two.

Two, yeah.

But, that's because I had your guidance.

I don't know what I would've done if I was, like, on my own making those decisions.

It's really tough because you get conflicting information.

You get conflict,

yeah.

And everyone's, like, has different-

Opinions

things going on.

So-

And I always say the reviews online of a doctor, sometimes I'll recommend, like, I'll be like, "Oh, this doctor is really good for what you're going through," or whatever it might be.

And sometimes the reviews for a doctor aren't great.

And it's only because when things are going well, we don't think, "Oh, let's go review the doctor."

It's when people are angry or they have something happen, then they go to Google and review the doctor.

Yeah And, and vent their frustrations that way.

So it's not a really great indication if that doctor's good or not.

No.

Because it's not every patient giving their feedback.

Exactly.

Right?

So I always try to, to caution against those reviews.

Yeah.

Because it, it's really, sometimes it's not, not exactly what… Yeah.

No.

So you were at your first clinic.

Yeah.

And you were gonna do, you got ready and you did your retrieval, so you started the hormones.

I did.

And I didn't have, that was a private cycle I did.

Yeah.

it happened pretty quickly, but I was under the impression, I guess, because it was all so new to me.

I thought it's like you, you do IVF and then- Then you get pregnant … you get pregnant.

'Cause like you're bypassing the problem.

Yes.

People always think IVF works on the first time.

Biggest myth e- ever.

and they also think you're bypassing the problem.

Exactly.

And I believe I thought that exa- uh-

Yeah

before my, when she told me to block my tubes- Yeah … as well.

That's what I thought.

I'm like, "Oh, I'll get pregnant right away. It's whatever." Yeah.

And-

' Kara: Cause that's the issue … yeah, it's the one thing.

Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, yeah.

And the thing is, is they don't, no one ever tells you that like IVF has its own-

Challenges

yeah.

A big, a ton of them.

Ton of

them.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I joined my first clinic, and I did end up doing a retrieval.

And that was pretty… And I was with my ex-husband at the time.

So that was a big, I just thought that I was ready, I guess.

And, you know, that was the mindset I was in.

I'm like- Yeah

I'm gonna do this now.

I'm ready.

I'm like turning 30.

I wanna have a baby.

And I did it pretty quickly with the first clinic, the retrieval.

And

you got really good numbers though, right?

Like you had a lot- Yeah … of eggs.

I think I had somewhere between like 12 and f- or 14.

Yeah, that's reasonable.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I found-

And then how many embryos?

Do you remember how many embryos you had that cycle?

Sorry, that was 12 or 14 embryos.

Embryos.

Okay.

Yeah,

I don't remember.

Okay.

Sorry, yeah.

However, so 12 or 14 embryos.

Yeah.

If you, if anybody's listening that hasn't gone through IVF yet, the embryos are, after the egg is fertilized, and that's five days, and it's a blastocyst, and that makes an embryo.

Yeah.

So, what Cara's saying, she had 12 or 13 embryos.

Is that right?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So she was in a really good spot.

So- Yeah … we got ready to transfer.

Or she, I, I didn't know Cara at this point yet.

No, not yet.

But she got ready to transfer.

I did get ready to transfer, and I remember doing a transfer.

I think it was around Christmas or something.

And- In the end, it didn't end up working, and of course, I was devastated.

I don't remember all my thoughts at the time.

I just remember thinking… My mindset back then was like, "Oh, I just wanna try again." Like-

Yes

… Kara: rush, let's do this.

Rush, rush.

Do it, do it.

Yeah.

It- it's always like you're- … it's like a state of being frantic all the time.

Yeah.

And I honestly, like, I've learned so much since then, that it's not a good way to be.

But-

Oh, my

gosh … that's one thing I remember.

You know, it's so funny, Kara, 'cause I feel like on this journey after we met, I felt like I've tried to slow you down a lot of times in the process- Yeah … 'cause you were always like, "Rush, rush, rush, rush."

And I'm like, "Wait, wait, wait.

Let's hold up.

Let's like-" I know … "just do it slowly." So at least you- Yeah … were always like that.

No.

That's, yeah I've always

been like that.

That, I think that's most of the girls, though.

Yeah, yeah.

And I think it's hard, too, because you see it happening for other people around you.

Yeah.

And then you're just like, "Oh, my gosh." Why is it not…

Yeah.

" Kara: I want it to happen now." And you wanna rush.

And yeah.

And there's a lot of waiting.

I think we talked about that.

I talked about it with Nurse Lindsay,

Mm-hmm

… Crystal: on the podcast.

And there's a lot of waiting with fertility.

Yeah.

Like, you're waiting for appointments.

You're waiting for the doctor.

You're waiting for your period to start.

You're waiting for test results.

And- Yeah, and then never mind-

That makes you- Yeah … even wanna hurry more.

And never mind when people, yeah, others ask you, you know?

Like they assume- Yeah … that it's just, "Oh, you're going through this? So that means you're gonna be pregnant soon."

Yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

And you don't understand- No … all the million things that go into it.

Yeah.

So-

That go into it and can go wrong.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, I ended up learning a lot of lessons on that journey.

But shortly after that transfer failed, then- Yeah … I had gotten a call from a nurse.

I f- I honestly think it was only like three weeks or a month after that transfer failed.

And I got a call from a nurse saying, "Oh, looking at your date that we had your embryos in the lab, it looks like you were affected by this…" What would, what would you even call that?

It was the- A mishap in, with the lab that-

Yeah.

And it wasn't the lab.

It was Cooper Surgical.

And they had, some of the solution, the medium that they used in the embryos-

To grow the embryos

yeah.

And it was across Canada.

I don't know if any Americans- I think in the- … were affected

… Kara: States, too.

Was it?

Okay, yeah.

On, maybe.

so some of the bottles that they use for the embryos were affected.

Now- that happened and it happened to Kara.

Yeah.

So, like of all things.

Yeah.

And, and the, I think the most frustrating part was that you don't know if they're gonna work or not.

No.

If they're good or bad.

Because my doctor at the time, he was saying, like, they look to… Like, our embryologists think they look good, and they were graded good, so there's nothing you can see that's wrong with it.

There were girls that were actually getting pregnant at that clinic- Yeah … from the embryos.

And then he's, my doctor said that, you know, there's some that aren't working and they're not getting pregnant, but we don't know if it's because- Of that … of that.

Yeah.

And sometime… Yeah.

So it was just very confusing.

And then they were like, I ended up settling with them, but I wanted to keep those embryos, 'cause I didn't want to go through the whole thing- Again

just, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was, it was very short.

And

you wanted to try them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We didn't know what- Yeah.

So, I-

So you did, how many more transfers did you do after that?

I did two more transfers.

But I feel I had that initial problem with my clinic that a lot of clinics, as I, as I know now- … it happens.

It, it's like they don't address everything, right?

No.

Yeah.

Were they doing the same transfer protocol each time?

Like, you were doing the same thing?

Pretty much.

Okay.

Like, I think the one thing that changed was, my diet.

Like, he gave me some diet suggestions, like go gluten-free, and I pretty much did go gluten-free.

Yeah.

For the most part.

That's the, I'm, I'm a big- So that was good … fan of gluten-free.

And that, and that helped me a lot with inflammation.

I

know I'm gonna get… Yeah.

And I, I am.

I'm gonna get hate for that, 'cause I know people say, like, that doesn't really, but it do- it does h- affect the inflammation levels.

It does.

And people just feel better without gluten, so.

And you,

you can tell.

Yeah.

Like, I was like- I was eating so much bread and stuff before- 'Cause it's comfort food … I went on.

Yeah.

But anyways, they didn't change much though with the protocol, and we didn't do a lot of testing.

That's the thing.

Okay.

And I remember looking online and seeing, like, testing for different things.

Women would say, like on Reddit, testing your microbiome.

And I was like, what is this?

Yeah.

And like, what was… What else?

The, the lit- Yeah … lit therapy.

I'd read about all these things, and I'd be like, " What are these?" And I would bring them to my doctor and be like- No idea

"What about this?" Yeah.

"What about this? Can I do this?" Oh, immune testing and stuff.

Nothing.

Immune.

And he's like, "Oh, no, we don't need to do that." Like, just brushed me off, and I feel like I'm talking- Do you- … in circles.

I'm like, oh, my God

… Crystal: do you think that you were brushed off because you were young?

That as well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm not saying… I don't know.

No.

But- I think so too … I

see that sometimes, that-

No

… Crystal: they just think, "Oh, well, just try it again." Yeah.

Yeah, they did say that a, "Oh, you're young. We'll just do another one." And people, they say that a lot in the clinic atmosphere, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

For sure.

I don't love that.

And then in your head, you're like, well, maybe I'm young, but the years are kinda going on.

Yeah.

I'm not gonna

be this age forever.

And,

and nobody has the, right to tell you, "Well, you're young, and you shouldn't have a family," right?

No, exactly.

You, you can decide, yeah.

Exactly.

That's a lot frustrating.

Um- So what happened next?

When did we meet?

Shortly after, right?

We met- Your failed transfers?

… Kara: I think it was after new, the new year.

Okay.

I think I had one- So after your- My last- … third

transfer

… Kara: yes, after my last transfer.

That was around Christmas, and it failed again.

Yeah.

and I knew that something had to change because I was in my head considering switching clinics too.

I'm like, this is just going in circles.

I don't wanna do this anymore.

Then I met Crystal- … 'cause I was like, I was looking up clinics online, and you came up.

And I'm like, maybe this is gonna be, like, a better option.

And it's very isolating, so it was-

It

is … such a relief, like, finding someone that, like, got it.

I didn't feel like I was just talking to people who don't get it all the time.

Yeah.

Like a crazy person.

Yeah.

No, it's true.

You feel lonely.

Yeah, especially 'cause you had the atopics

and we were at the same clinic as well, so there's a lot of similarities.

We're not gonna name the clinic, guys.

I know.

No.

So don't ask.

No.

But we were at the same clinic, and we both had, like, a lot of similar experiences, and I was like, there's so many things that are going on here that they never even checked.

And, one of the things I'm a big fan of is I wanna see, like, I want your body optimal, and that's what I'm always pushing for the girls, to make sure, like, what is your vitamin D level?

Like, what's your iron?

And your iron was so, so low.

Yeah.

Just recently we actually got Cara an iron infusion.

Yeah.

but there are so many other things, like what is her microbiome?

What's going on?

So we did some testing.

Mm-hmm.

And what did that show us?

So even, even doing the blood work and stuff, like you said, there was so much that was low and stuff.

Even the vitamin D they didn't address.

Yeah.

No.

That was another thing with the clinic.

They don't give you suggestions for, like, proper supplements and stuff.

No.

And that's a huge thing.

I've been on the supplements- Since we started talking Yeah And, yeah, but-

Consistently.

Mm-hmm.

And

the bone broth.

And Cara's one of the girls.

The bone broth.

That's a lifesaver, though.

Like, the, I, every time people ask me, like, that's even the secret to, like, good skin and everything.

Good skin.

I was just gonna say, and how's your skin?

Yeah.

Yes.

Once you start- Bone broth … you won't stop.

I know.

I've, I've made a lot of people

addicts- … to bone

broth.

Yeah, I

know.

Yeah

… Kara: but yeah, checking the microbiome, that was a huge one.

Yeah

… Kara: we did the fermentosis testing- And the immune testing … and the

immune testing.

Yeah.

So I don't know yet how my immune testing will be this time around, but we know the microbiome.

It took a while, but- Yeah … that was, like, a huge thing.

So there's a couple things that, that popped up with Cara's microbiome, and one was ureaplasma.

Mm-hmm.

And a lot of the doctors will even just dismiss it like it's not a factor in what's happening.

A lot of them are starting to, to understand that we need to, to fix it.

It's one of the toughest ones to get rid of.

Mm-hmm.

And Cara fought, like, heck, what?

Six months, maybe more.

Yeah, lots of

antibiotics.

Antibiotics, probiotics, vaginal probiotics.

You name it, Cara was doing it.

Foods, superfoods, probiotic foods, feeding her gut, bone broth a million times a day.

Like- Yeah … she did everything to get rid of this darn thing.

Yeah.

And she tested, and it was still there, so then she, she had to go through it all again, and it was hell.

It was- Yeah … it was hell.

You- A lot

of waiting.

Yeah.

That was a lot of

waiting.

And the waiting, too, was really draining on her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But, but you know what I was wondering?

I was like, "When are we gonna… Like, when am I gonna be able to get rid of this? How much antibiotics am I gonna have to take?" Yes.

But in the end, I think we were waiting to transfer, and in that time, I had also switched doctors, switched clinics.

That's right.

So there was a lot- And that's

how

we

got the other testing as well.

Yeah.

From the, the other testing, yeah.

Yeah.

So at that point- Yeah … I felt more comfortable to, like, trust, trust the process.

Trust the process, as

I say.

Because something was happening.

It was slow, but there was movement.

Like-

Yeah

… Kara: changing doctors.

Seeing that, like, we're actually figuring stuff out.

Yeah.

It was Way different, like, than waiting and- Yeah … doing nothing, or not waiting and doing the exact same thing-

Yeah

… Kara: 10

times.

And it, and, and it does, like, yeah, we did do the iron infusion, but there's a lot of things that we had to wait, like, months to get up, like, like your vitamin D levels- Yeah … and different…

I can't even remember what was all, but there's a lot of things that were, like, lopsided on her blood work- It was… Yeah … that we worked together to get up.

Mm-hmm.

And nutrition was one.

And Carol will probably kill me, but she, I kept telling her to transfer, we need to gain more weight.

Ah.

But you

know what?

And that would set her in a panic.

However, I kept saying, "Build muscle." So that we'll save to the end and tell them what you're doing now.

Yes.

But that was a big one.

And you- That was tough … you can gain muscle as well, right?

Yeah.

So anyways.

That was tough, though.

While we're doing the trying to get rid of the microbiome, I would say that it was, like, the waiting ended up being a good thing because-

Yes.

You had some as anything with this fertility journey, Kara had, like, another, like, punch, if you will, in the fight club.

Yeah.

Boom.

She had another, thing that hit her.

You're listening to The Fertility Fight Club podcast, and while I hope every episode gives you new information, better questions to ask, and a little more hope, I also know that sometimes a podcast just isn't enough.

Maybe you're overwhelmed by all the advice.

Maybe you don't know what to focus on first, or maybe you're tired of being told everything looks normal when you know something is being missed.

That's where The Fertility Fight Club Community comes in.

Inside the community, you're not only just listening to me, you're working with me.

You get live coaching, support calls, expert conversations, fertility education, practical resources, fertility-friendly meal plans, and a community of women who genuinely understand what this journey's like.

I help you cut through the noise, recognize the red flags, ask better questions, and focus on what actually moves the needle forward on your fertility journey.

So if you're ready for more than just information and you want real support and a plan, come join us inside the Fight Club because your journey is hard enough.

You shouldn't have to be fighting alone.

And she was noticing this for a while, and I, I don't know if she remembers, but she would, like, mention a few things to me here and there, and I was like, "Hmm, I hope she's okay."

And I would… I re- remember saying, " Are you okay?" Because on the coaching calls when I work with the girls one on one, Sometimes we talk nothing fertility a lot of times.

Yeah.

And it's m- one of the girls, always says, "Oh, it's like therapy." Yeah.

And I'm like, "No, I'm not a therapist."

However, We just talk it out.

We talk whatever's- Mm-hmm … going on.

Because sometimes there is nothing going on with fertility, but it's good to, like, just, like, vent it out and talk it out what's going on.

Yeah.

So I noticed some things that were happening, and then Kara came down and she told me this big news.

Yeah.

So in that waiting period when we were preparing for a transfer, we had moved my embryos, like, from- Yes … the old clinic-

To a

new clinic … to new clinic, wh- where I am now.

And I was even doing, I was doing prep to transfer- Yes … thinking I'm gonna t- you know, I'm just gonna try- Transfer … these, the embryos they already had with my ex, now ex.

But that is exactly what happened.

during this, like, waiting season, I basically ended up, you know, leaving my- Yeah … husband.

And it was not, like, an amicable situation.

It was actually- Yeah … my life just blew up.

Yes.

Basically, my life blew up.

That's the way to say it.

Yeah.

And she, sh- she would say, and I don't know if you remember, you said this to me before everything went down.

Yeah.

But you're like, "I'm not sure if he's gonna be the right dad for my kid."

Yeah.

" Crystal: I'm not sure if he's gonna be a good dad."

No, I-

And she was guessing, second guessing herself.

Yeah.

And then finally she made the decision, and I was like- Yeah … "Okay, let's put the brakes on everything."

Yeah.

And-

I think-

It was not amicable, as you say.

No.

I think- She put you through so much.

Mm-hmm.

And still.

Yeah.

But the resilience

of Kara is- Thank you

… Crystal: one of the other reasons I wanted her to come on, because I was just like, wow.

So we had a choice.

we had embryos with an ex that it would be a legal battle to actually- Yeah

use those embryos.

So what was she gonna do?

Yeah.

So- That was, that was a really hard thing because as, being me, when you're in that situation, as women in that situation, we put our bodies through so much mentally- Hormones … physically, everything.

It's, it's- Everything … hard.

Yeah.

And to think about what I had done and all the work I had done up until that point, for, to think that everything would just be, like, not matter, I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

For everything to not matter was really tough because it's like you feel like you're letting a dream of yours go, and I didn't know what anything was gonna look like, but I knew that I didn't wanna do that because for myself, I didn't want it to be something where, okay, I'm leaving this person and doing something that I have to do.

Yeah.

And then, you know, I have to give up my dream of being a mom or change, derail everything in that front because, you know- Absolutely … it would make me feel even worse about the situation.

Absolutely.

That's how I operate.

So-

Yeah.

So- It was a hard decision.

but I also, I was telling Crystal, like when we were talking even before that, that there was even stuff that he was not supportive.

I felt alone anyways half the time.

Yeah.

A lot.

And I think a lot of women, that happens too, but nobody- Yeah … really, like, talks about it.

So.

Yeah,

absolutely.

And even, I picked up on it, I think, before you even said it 'cause we'd meet with the doctor on Zoom-

Yeah

… Crystal: and,

He wouldn't

be there … he wouldn't be there.

Yeah.

And I know the doctor questioned that as well.

it's one thing if you have work.

Yeah.

But we wanna be, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then, so, so I think, like, everything happened- Everything … the way it was supposed to happen.

It

was.

And-

And so this was the month- that everything blew up and she decided to leave the marriage.

Mm-hmm.

She also said to me, "I'm not stopping."

Yeah.

We got a funded IVF cycle, so she was next- Yeah … on the list.

And this was before, like right now there's lo- lot of IVF funding in Ontario.

Yeah.

But at that time, you were on the waiting list.

Yeah.

So the cycle came up for her, and she's like, " I'm not waiting.

I'm getting a donor."

Yeah.

And I'm like, "Do you wanna wait?"

I know.

She's like, "No."

I know,

I know.

And I'm like, "Kara, let's like just like take a step back," like, like 'cause she was going through so much, and it wasn't easy.

Like, it wasn't an easy leave, and it wasn't- No … easy for her to leave this marriage.

And he was not the nicest, so she was dealing with all, all of this.

And normally I'd be like, "You need your body to be calm."

Yeah.

And she's like, "This is giving me purpose." Yeah.

"This is-" It was.

"I don't wanna give up my dream of being a mom."

Yeah.

And I, I thought then- And- At first I was like against, I was unsure about, like getting a donor.

Yeah.

I was very unsure, and I, but when I learned more about it and I see how it is nowadays, I was more comfortable with it.

One of the reasons Kara was

questioning if this- Yeah … if her ex-husband would be a great dad and the right dad for her child was she had made so many changes for lifestyle.

Her diet, she was following our menu in the Fertility Fight Club to a T. She was so good.

I was seeing all the pictures, which I loved.

Mm-hmm.

She was doing the supplements, drinking the bone broth, making all the lifestyle changes, decreasing her stress levels.

Yeah.

Doing all the things.

the time was not.

Yeah.

He was doing my non-negotiables.

Yeah.

He was smoking and he was drinking-

Yeah

… Crystal: which is compromising the sperm so much.

And- And no other food choices and things like that.

No.

And it was like, it's not even, he wasn't even supportive, so at that point it's like some h- husbands or partners or many of them would be like, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna try to quit smoking," or, "I'm gonna do this." It was just very unsupportive.

So I already like didn't feel good about going into the transfer, not that he was, like he was already doing that, but also because just being in that environment and having it around you, it's just not like productive for me, and I'm not gonna feel good.

Like, having all that around me when I'm trying to transfer, it's stressful, right?

Yeah.

So I think- Yeah … in the end it was, it was really difficult to make the decision while all that was going on to move forward with doing it on my own, and now it's still, it's still difficult.

It's still difficult.

But I do think that, I made the right decision in the sense that- Like, it wasn't meant to be with him-

Yeah

right?

And she can, when she chose a sperm donor, she can choose somebody with a healthy lifestyle.

Yes.

And you know that that's gonna change into the DNA of the baby.

So that- Yeah … really made a big- Your

chances are better.

Yeah, yeah.

Your

chances are better- Yeah … with a healthy-

So-

… Kara: donor

… Crystal: so now we have embryo.

How many do we have?

We have a lot of embryos.

I think, like, I wanna say 12, maybe-

Yeah … the amount.

We have a good amount of good embryos.

Mm-hmm.

So we have been working again, 'cause the microbiome piece still isn't cleared up at this point.

Yeah.

So we are almost ready to transfer.

Yeah.

Now, Cara's doing this a solo journey.

Yeah.

And now let's talk about some of the judgment you get about doing it alone- Yeah … and doing it with a sperm donor, ' cause I know that comes up a lot.

However, I have girls reach out to me, and there's many in the Fight Club that are also doing it alone.

But they also are getting judgment, and there's so many of you that we don't, we wanna talk about it, 'cause we don't want that judgment.

And that is, like, I think that's one of the hardest things for me.

I'm lucky because, you know, I have a, a few people in my family.

Like, my parents are pretty- Yeah … supportive.

But it wasn't always, And my friends are supportive, and you know, other ladies, like, we get it.

Yeah.

But it's hard to, it's hard to explain it to a lot of people, because it's such a…

Like, what do you even say?

Like- Yeah … I've been through all this stuff.

I have, I've had these health issues.

People don't always take it seriously, or understand your why, or say, "Why don't you just wait?" There's- Yeah … so much of that, too.

Or, "Why don't you just freeze your eggs?" But it's hard to explain to people why that's not really an option.

First of all, you can't get a funded cycle to-

Yeah

… Kara: freeze your eggs.

You have supportive parents.

Yeah, which makes a big difference, and I feel like that's helped me a lot.

But it's the same thing, like people think that you should be perfectly ready and have, have everything together.

Yes.

And maybe that is the case or that's ideal, but I don't know when that's gonna happen.

When is- Yeah … anyone gonna have all their shit together?

Nobody, nobody's ready at any time.

No.

No.

No.

So there's a lot of judgment from that.

And yeah, with a sperm donor, a lot of people don't understand that, so there's always that in the back of my head, like, you know- Yeah

people like family or people around me that I'm not as close with, like, judging.

Yeah.

Like, "Oh, what? She's having… That's crazy. Why would she have a, a kid on her own and she doesn't even know who the dad is?" Mm-hmm.

"Why would she want that baggage? Oh, no one's gonna-"

Oh my gosh.

People even say that.

Like, I've had guys say that to me or, not guys that I'm dating or, just like p- guys in general saying like, "Oh no, no one's gonna want to- date you or relationship Be after that Yeah, yeah Or like you're just adding problems and it's like-

I feel like it's so much easier Well, thank you.

And I…

I think that it's a blessing, like we said, and there's always a reason and timing.

And I think this is so much better because now you're not gonna be in a custody battle, say, in five years.

Yeah.

Right?

Exactly.

And you make the decisions you want for the child, and it's your life and it's your child and, and you're not battling with somebody that wasn't right.

Exactly.

And there are so many girls that do it solo, and I feel like it sucks that there's- Yeah … that judgment, right?

It does.

Mm-hmm.

Because some of us, like To some people their mentality is, "Oh, you're, you're still young." I mean, I'm already… Like, I'm in my 30s, but in, in IVF world- Mm-hmm … you don't have that many years.

It goes fast.

It goes fast.

There's lots going on.

Yeah.

So it doesn't feel like you have all the time, 'cause you really don't.

Like it just- Yeah … gets harder and harder.

So me trying to optimize and do it while I'm in- Yeah … great health and- Yeah … have the best chances, that's why I wanna do it.

So it's, you don't wanna argue with someone and tell them why.

It's like I still wanna be a mom just because I got divorced from somebody and that happened to me, that shouldn't mean that I can't be a mom now.

You know what I mean?

That's right.

Yeah.

That's how I feel.

Yeah.

And now you can do it on your terms- Yeah … which I love.

I love.

Exactly.

' Crystal: Cause it takes… I always said your resilience is huge and- Thank you

now you're doing all these cool things.

And, let's touch back on the weight and what you're doing now.

Yeah.

Because every time, Cara, I would say, "You need to just, like, get your BMI up a little bit," and-

And it was hard, too, 'cause that's when I was going through, like, a lot of the court stuff and a lot of the life stress.

Yeah.

So it's, it's hard to get your weight up when you're like-

Yeah.

But- Exactly.

So-

We kept

pushing … she, she was ready to punch me through Zoom- … many times.

And I'm like, "I just don't want them to cancel your transfer- I know … if you're under." And so I said, "Okay, you need…" She was always running, and I would see her Instagram and she

was running.

Yeah.

I was

loving running.

And I, "Cara, stop running.

It's gonna shed too much weight." So I said, "Go to the gym." And now she is so hooked.

I know.

Every day she's at the gym.

Yeah.

Which is amazing.

. Building muscle and strength.

And putting on proper pounds.

Yeah.

But not only that, she's actually going-

Yeah

… Crystal: to do her certification in.

Yeah.

So then I can be a trainer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's how much I got her

hooked.

I know, you got me hooked on it.

But it's true, though.

Like, I- it changed everything.

I found, I think once I gained a little bit of weight and I felt stronger, the change was, like, amazing.

Yeah.

And I felt better, and it was, like, what I needed.

Like, even just going into the gym and having that change of scenery and, and, like-

Yeah

… Kara: yeah, just feeling stronger.

And then, like, obviously having more protein and adding all those things.

Yeah.

I- I was actually able to get my weight up.

Yeah.

And- In a

healthy way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it

was

good.

She wasn't eating cheeseburgers.

No.

I still was able to eat- Yeah

… Crystal: pretty healthy, I mean.

And she's following the menu, and she does all the things.

Yeah.

Yeah.

let's go back a little bit.

Mm-hmm.

Sorry, guys, but we're gonna go back.

So we did the microbiome and the uroplasma.

That's cleared now, so that's a good thing.

Yeah.

We also did lit treatment.

Oh, yeah.

Um,

can we talk about that a little bit?

Mm-hmm.

Because you did one lit- you had the higher N- NK cells.

Yeah.

Correct.

So that's the natural killer cells.

So what was happening is her body was attacking, like, embryo or sperm in her body.

So that's most likely w- with the Ureaplasma, that could be why her transfers were failing and not necessarily the embryos.

We will never know really.

So that being said, there's a treatment called LIT and she did it with her ex-

Yeah

… Crystal: one time.

No, I did it

twice.

Twice, twice.

We didn't do the retest because we needed him to check if it worked.

We are expecting it that it worked because we did it twice.

Yeah.

Not we, but we.

Yeah.

At the clinic we

did it.

At the clinic.

We're expecting it worked- Mm-hmm … so we're gonna forge ahead.

Yeah.

But that's one of the unknowns.

But- And- … I think we're just gonna overcome it and carry through- Yeah … and yeah.

We'll deal with that when it happens, but I think, like, the big piece was, like, the microbiome more so-

Yeah, yeah

from what the doctor said that- And your iron

levels.

Mm-hmm.

You know, your iron, your vitamin D.

Vitamin D's up and everything.

Yeah.

And I, altogether I feel good because after my surgeries when they removed my tubes, I always felt like something was wrong in my gut.

Yeah.

Like, I would get- Yeah … cramps all the time.

Just, yeah.

I knew something wasn't right.

I would get cramps or, like, random infections.

It's just my body was never the same after I had those surgeries.

Exactly.

Because everything's- You had s- … like, shifted around, so.

Yeah.

They're moving things.

And then but now, like, after being on, like, you and the doctor's protocol and, like- Yeah

all of that for, like, a while now- A while … like a year or whatever, but it it worked.

It worked.

I feel good.

Exactly.

Yeah.

It's, it's just like- Exactly … you feel better, so

yeah.

So now we're in the transfer stage.

We're gonna be transferring.

I don't know when this is gonna be out exactly, so maybe when it airs you will already be pregnant.

I'll be

pregnant.

Who knows?

Um, but we will make sure you come back on and share what, how the transfer went- Mm-hmm … and your transfer protocol.

Yeah.

And the positive news.

But yeah.

It, I just really wanted everybody to hear that, like, it's not, like, a straight road.

Like, IVF, baby.

It's never one round.

Well, it's never one round.

Some- Maybe some

… Kara: some people, but

not- Some people.

And it's never just a straight line, and it doesn't necessarily mean it's just the IVF is giving you those bumps, but life can throw you down too.

And-

Right?

… Kara: another thing that I would say is what we were talking about is, How some people will just be like, "Oh, why don't you just try naturally, and then when you least expect it."

Yeah.

They, they have some sort of idea like, "Oh, you're divorced now.

You're just gonna meet your perfect man, and you're gonna go out there- You're just gonna

get pregnant

… Kara: and then you're just gonna get naturally pregnant when you least expect it." But for people who don't have tubes, it doesn't work like that.

Yeah.

That- And that's, I think we related to.

There's, there's- That can be a myth

… Crystal: quite a few girls in the, in the Fight Club right now.

And it's the, it's all the same.

We, we keep saying like, "No, we're not gonna get actually just pregnant." It

does happen to some women.

Yeah.

Like, they stop.

Other things are optimized, and then they stop and-

Yeah, of course

like, overly trying.

It can be.

Of course.

'Cause the stress is gone, and they're just like-

Yeah

… Kara: or the pressure's gone.

But it doesn't happen when you- Doesn't

happen every

time I'm not gonna be able to do that with- No … no tubes.

No.

I know we… I think I, I mentioned this to you, too.

our surrogate was pregnant with the twins, and people would say, "Oh, now you're probably gonna get pregnant naturally."

I'm like, "Well, my tubes are both blocked."

I

know.

"So that's not gonna happen."

Yeah.

And it's almost like I get so frustrated.

Like, it's like they don't know.

No.

When they say things like that- They don't … they don't know.

It's just very aggravating.

So that's the other reason- Yeah … that we're doing shows like this is- Yeah

hopefully it'll get out, and maybe there'll be more sensitivity to people and- Yeah … and stop asking and-

I know … stop

making assumptions.

Yeah, 'cause then it makes you feel like, it makes you feel a certain way about your decisions or- Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

thank you, Cara, so much for being on the podcast today and the YouTube channel.

And as I mentioned in the beginning part, Cara is the reason that I started the Fertility Fight Club podcast YouTube channel.

Mm. Because she kept… I would tell her, like, little bits of my story, and she kept saying, "I wanna hear your whole story." Yeah.

"I think people will wanna hear the whole crazy story

as

well." Yes.

And I'm like, "But you guys all have crazy stories too." So that's how it, like, "Oh, we should do a YouTube.

We should do a podcast.

We should do…" Yeah.

I think it's good.

So that's, that's why this came about.

Well, thank- So thank you so much, Cara

… Kara: thanks for having me.

And- And I think it's good because, like, it makes us girls feel less alone.

I know-

Yeah

… Kara: just hearing other's stories and- Yeah … knowing that you're not the only one going through it, it, like, makes a big difference.

Huge.

Yeah.

Huge, huge.

'Cause in The Fight Club, one of the, my little slogans I always use is, "In The Fight Club, you're not fighting alone." Yeah.

Right?

And it is lonely.

It is very lonely.

And-

Yeah

… Crystal: if I think there's the best message for you, Cara, is it's okay to, like, leave a bad marriage.

Or if something, if trusting your gut, like, when the doctor- Yeah

when something didn't feel right, keep pushing for more answers- Yeah … and push for more tests.

And make sure everything's optimal and ready and right.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause there's no right or wrong, it's for you.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

So true.

So

thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you.