It's not easy to travel for work particularly if you have young kids at home. There’s lots of feelings of guilt, sadness, likely anxiety. There’s a lot of coordination and plans that have to be made, traveling for work is just hard.

In today’s podcast I want to talk about the cocktail of emotions that we experience as working moms when we travel for work. I’m gonna talk about my own experience of traveling when my daughter was young and how I ugly cried on the floor of my hotel room, and then will dig into the three choices you have if you travel for your job and are experiencing lots of guilt and sadness. 

Topics in this episode:

• Chatting about how tough it is to keep up work-life balance when big changes hit. 
• Real talk on why the usual calming tricks sometimes don’t cut it. 
• Believing things will get better, even when it’s all up in the air. 
• Sharing stories about the tough emotions of traveling for work as a mom. 
• 3 options for dealing with travel guilt and sadness. 

Show Notes & References:   

• This podcast is on YouTube! Check it out by clicking here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPZA5JKXYxjCMqodh4wxPBg  
• Learn more about coaching with me by clicking here: https://www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/aligning-motherhood-program  
• Listen to Episode 66 here: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/podcast/2022/6/20/cultivating-satisfaction-at-work 
• Want ongoing support as a working mom? Sign up for the free 19-day audio series: How to be a present and connected mom. Each day you will receive an email with a downloadable audio of 5 minutes or less that will teach you a tool or strategy for being more present and in the moment. Click here to sign up and receive the first audio: https://www.ambitiousandbalanced.com/be-present-optin 

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Hey, I want to take a moment and be super vulnerable with you in this moment. I am in a season of struggling. My anxiety is high, my heart feels like it’s always racing, worried about dropping the ball on many things. And I wanna share that with you, because, I want to be clear with you that I don’t have it all figured out. Yes, I am an expert at teaching work life balance, But it’s hard. What I am asking you to do to create a life that feels calm and balanced is not easy.

And I know we all or at least, I like to think that there is going to be a moment when we have “arrived “, but I also know that’s not reality. Different seasons of life, of the year, different ages of our kids, different circumstances with loved ones, all these things affect our ability to have the calm and controlled and balanced life that we all want.

Now, that doesn’t mean that it’s not possible, but it requires adjusting and effort. And I feel like I’ve been one of those seasons for me right now, that really started when we began the purchase of our new home about four months ago. And the tools that I have used to maintain my own sense of calm and balance, just aren’t working in the same way right now with the current circumstances and I’m having to adjust.

Would I hold onto, and it’s one of the things I hold onto for my clients as well, is the knowledge that it will all work out. I don’t know how but I know that if I keep waking up, evaluating what I need, trying different tools, and trusting that the process is working, I will get out of this hard spot. And I hold that truth for you as well. It’s the biggest reason why I show up here week after week, Teaching you and supporting you on this podcast. Because I know that it’s a process. And there is not a one size fits all when it comes to making decisions for your working mom life. And some tools work for some and others work for others, and I want to help each and everyone of you.

Right, let’s dive into today’s topic. This topic has been surfacing for months now, several months ago I remember having a whole coaching session with a client talking about this particular subject, and then it started to come up with other clients, and then someone mentioned it to me in the listener question and answer Email that went out, and I was like all right it’s time to do podcast on this. Today is around travel, and making decisions around travel for your job, and the guilt that many women experience when they are away from their kids traveling for work.

I actually remember the first time I traveled for work, actually, it was the first time I had traveled at all, and was away from my daughter. At the time I was an event manager, and I was away at an event, for I think five or six days. My daughter was Not quite 18 months old, so she was much older. I had done a day trip there or an overnight here there, but never a trip, and never for this long.

I have memories of excusing myself to go back to my hotel room and cry. And not just shut a few tears, but shed ugly tears where I needed to redo my entire, make up and find a way to really pull myself together. One point I asked my husband to stop facing me and sending me videos, because it was just too hard. I am just thinking about and writing this podcast. I will say, though that one of my absolute favorite videos of my daughter at that age happened while I was gone with my husband, we called it the Howard video Where my husband and daughter go on a hunt to find her favorite stuffy bunny called Howard. I have watched that video countless times over the years, absolutely my favorites.

This trip for me was hard, and there was a cocktail of emotions at the time. My heart felt so attached to my daughter at that time, and it was sad and hurt to be away from her. It sounds like a part of me was missing. Another emotion was guilt, just simply not being there for her at bedtime or in the mornings for snuggles. It felt like I was choosing my job over her. I also really didn’t like what I was doing. There was a part of me that knew That was unfulfilled in the work I was doing, and this was the season when I was transitioning from doing a event management work to coach work, to be away for so long, doing something I didn’t wanna do, and sacrificing time with my daughter to do it Felt excruciating.

If you are a working, mom, that travels, a lot, your cocktail of emotions might be similar, or might be different, but, regardless, it’s an emotional experience. I wanted to share my story with you, to normalize that experience. Because I know the human brain likes to label hard, emotional experiences as being bad. As if something is wrong. As if you shouldn’t be having this much emotion around traveling. As if, it means that you are in the wrong job or your priorities aren’t right. None of that is true.

And then, some of you might be listening, thinking I don’t experience any of that. I feel totally fine being away from my kiddo. And that’s normal too. Different seasons, different ages, different jobs, it all makes a difference on what we are experiencing as working moms.

I can tell you today, my kids, been nine and seven, I still feel a pole to be with them, but I experience, no guilt, very little sadness, in fact, can feel the exact opposite. Calm and at peace with being away. Excited to be away and have some time for myself. I have a whole different cocktail of emotions right now as I travel and away from my kids. It’s just a different season, and a different set of circumstances and here’s the most important thing and we’re going to dive into this more right now, have different thoughts about those circumstances today.

I recently did a podcast on mom, guilt, and if you remember, what I said is that guilt or the experience of guilt has nothing to do with your circumstance. In this case, you don’t feel guilty because you’re traveling and are away from your kids, you feel guilty because you’re thinking, you’re a bad mom you’re doing something wrong, because you travel.

When my daughter was 18 months and I took that first trip, my thoughts were: I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m doing something wrong. I’m failing her. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t want to be here.

Of course, with those thoughts, I would feel an immense amount of pain, guilt, anxiety and hurt.

I’m leaving on a three day trip in just a few days and will be away from the kiddos and I have a completely different thought. I’m so excited for this trip. I can’t wait to get away. This is exactly what I need to do. This couldn’t have come at a better time. This is gonna be fun. My kids are happy and will be happy without me.

So different, right?

Our thoughts are always at the crocs of how we feel.

So this is the first thing I want to dive into if you are struggling with work travel kids at home. Write out what you’re thinking about it. If you’re feeling guilty, why are you feeling guilty? What are your thoughts about yourself as a mom because you’re traveling? You have to get all those thoughts out of your head, so you can look at them in a evaluate them, and decide what to do about them.

I want to talk about your options. The human brain is very repetitive. It likes to think and do the things over and over and over again. And one of the scenes are brains like to forget, is that we always have a choice. You are an Atwell employee, you are desirable, other companies would hire you, you have a choice.

In fact, you have at least, three choices: And common not only do you have the choice to either stay in your current job, or leave to find another job that has less travel, you likely also have a choice on how much you travel and negotiating your travel.

Now, as your coach, at least for this moments, or as you listen to this podcast, I want to remove option number one. Staying in your current job and changing nothing, meaning you don’t change the way you think, you don’t negotiate at all, you don’t adjust anything internally, or externally, that’s not, your best option. But to be honest, it’s how most people operate. You wake up, live the same struggle, with the same thoughts, worry about the same things, don’t change anything or make any adjustment, and then you wake up and do it again. so that would be like you having a terrible experience when you traveled last, feeling all this, overwhelmed, and anxiety and guilt, and it been really hard,, and now you have another trip coming up, and you’re already feeling anxious and overwhelmed and guilty for the upcoming trip, and rather than try to change that or adjust anything that you’re feeling or thinking, you just get through the days and hope that it’s better. Hope without change is not useful to you.

So now you’re left with two options you can leave your job and find another one with less travel or you can negotiate.

I would assume most people on this podcast would select option three. But it’s important to give a moment to option two. Finding a different job with less trouble. That is a viable option to everyone. When I look back at that trip, I took when my daughter was 18 months old, a lot of my emotion stemmed from the fact that I didn’t like what I was doing. What I was doing didn’t feel worse the time I was spending away from my daughter.

I have done a past episode on how important it is for your job to feel fulfilling in order for you to feel balanced, and while I don’t think it’s a requirement, and certainly makes it easier. When you wake up every day, feeling like you’re in the right job and going to the right place and you feel valuable and what you do, it is so much easier to feel calm, control. If you were in a job that you don’t wanna be in, it’s not impossible, it just takes a lot of mind management. You will have to put in a lot more effort into thinking about why you’re choosing to stay in that job and bring your family And why it’s important to stay

So let’s focus in an option, too, negotiate.

With my client several months ago, when we took an entire session to talk about this, we talked about all the different types of travel that she did for her job, there were sales meetings, there were clients that she met with, there were conferences there were Conferences that she presented at. There was international travel, there was travel within the United States. We took a moment, and we listed out all the different types of travel, and to talk about which ones she can negotiate.

This was hard for her. Because all of these travel opportunities, were good for her career. There was an argument, in her mind, but all of these were equal, and ideally, she would go to all of them.

So then we had to dial it back and remember, that career growth was not her only goal. Before her daughter was born, and even before she was married, career growth probably was her number one goal, but now that she has a family it’s not. It’s not that career growth isn’t important, it is very much important to her, but it’s not the only goal. There is another goal that has risen up over the last year, since her daughter was born, that is an equal importance and that is, being a really connected and present Mom.

Career growth, and being a great mom we’re now intertwined as goals. Which men’s she had to get out of the mindset that she was choosing one or the other, and see them as one whole picture. If her career is amazing, and she feels like a terrible mom, then she’s not meeting her goal. If she feels like an amazing mom, but her career is taking a big hit, then she’s also not meeting her goal. It’s both.

So we dialed it back and we talked about her goal and how the goal has changed and ultimately what it means to her to be focusing on career growth while being the mom that she she wants to be. And what she landed on, was the importance of boundaries. And not saying yes to everything, but rather be more selective, or I like to use the word, curate or yes.

All those travel opportunities would be good, but they’re not all important.

Focused then, on what was important, she was more easily able to identify travel that was unnecessary. Because what was important to her, was the leadership of her team, strategic meetings that helped further her career, a couple of years down the road, key networking events that were important for her to be there, and for her face to be seen at. Naming for her what truly was important in being successful in this season of life and her career and what that looked like While also being a mom, that vision was key for her.

So I offer that to you. What does success as an ambitious mom look like? If career growth, and being a great mom are all combined as one goal, what does success look like? You have to see it in your mind, if you’re ever going to make decisions to prioritize it. One of the things we do in Coaching as we dream. We get your brain out of the current state and the immediacy of things that need to get done and we start looking beyond it. That’s the definition of proactive. It’s looking to the future, and what’s ahead, and then making decisions, for that, no matter how hard.

The last thing I wanna offer to you, and it’s something that I talk a lot about on this podcast but it’s one of the most important things to develop as a working mom. And that is, a plan or a strategy for how to take care of your emotional self when you make hard decisions. There will be big emotions as a negotiate on how much you fly. You will have an immense amount of anxiety going to your boss and having that conversation. There will be big feelings. When you tell someone know, you’re not gonna go to that meeting or fly to that conference. It’s going to feel bad. And when you leave your kid to go on the trip, there’s likely going to be tears and hardship, feelings of guilt and inadequacy will likely surface, no matter how much you are convinced it’s the right thing to do. And then, when you’re on the trip, your mind will wander back to your kids and your family and you feel sad, and will be big feelings there too. What is your plan for taking care of your emotional self? because, you’ll likely just wanna push through. You wanna ignore your feelings, but I promise that’s not the best way. The more you stuff, your emotions, the deeper, and harder, and bigger they get. One of the biggest insights I have for you and creating an ambitious and balanced life, he not to figure out how to be absent from hard feelings, but to learn how to manage them and interact with him in a kind and compassionate way. So how are you going to handle your emotions and big feelings in these moments? How are you going to treat yourself, come up with a plan, so that you’ll be infinitely more likely to follow through with that plan.

If you were looking for more support in being a present and connected mom, while at the same time, being successful in your job, remember to twofold goal, I have the perfect audio series for you. It’s a 19 day audio series, where each audio is five minutes long, short and sweet, that covers a topic on how to be a present and connected mom, even while you’re going after your big ambitious career goals. You can find the link in the show notes or go to my website: if you love this podcast, you’ll love the audio series too.

It's not easy to travel for work particularly if you have young kids at home. There’s lots of feelings of guilt, sadness, likely anxiety. There’s a lot of coordination and plans that have to be made, traveling for work is just hard. In today’s podcast I want to talk about the cocktail of emotions that we experience is working moms when we travel for work. I’m gonna talk about my own experience of traveling when my daughter was young and how I ugly cried on the floor of my hotel room, and then will dig into the three choices you have if you travel for your job and are experiencing lots of guilt and sadness.