Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

Robb and Tina explore the realities of relationships, divorce, dating, and personal freedom, sharing insights from their experiences and observations about modern dating culture and life after divorce.

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email [email protected]. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob, along with my co host, as always. Tina, how you doing Tina?

I'm hanging in there, Rob. How you doin'?

not too shabby today. It's nice and warm but not hot. Yeah. And we're supposed to even get better weather. Yeah. It's been really nice, like for me in the morning when I walk my dog, 'cause it's like four in the morning. This morning it was like sixty two degrees. It was so nice. It was just like cool doop doop doop. Had to fan in the window. By the time we came back, it was

So much cooler than it was.

I love that. It's about time.

Mm.

What?

It was nice and cool in the house. It was pretty cool. Not too shabby, I will say.

You missed this weather, huh? I know I did.

yeah. He he really my dog really misses it. He likes the cooler weather. Cause 'cause he just has way more energy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. If I had a fur coat on all the time, I'm I'm about to I'm about to take him to get groomed. So I think this week, this week or next week I'm gonna make an appointment to get him, you know, his his last grooming before winter sets in.

Yeah. Well. If you wore a fur coat all the time.

You wouldn't have the same energy.

Mm.

Right on.

So he's shedding up a storm because it's been so hot. My house. I walk around with a vacuum and just go like all over the it's crazy how much hair he loses. no, he doesn't if I if I break out the big vacuum, he loses his mind. Yeah, like loses his mind. Yeah, he tries to attack it and all kinds of stuff. Yeah. He's not a fan.

Does he let you vacuum him?

shit.

Funny.

that's funny.

A's not a fan.

We have a little cat here that's my dad's and she just like watches it. We I've literally vacuumed around her and she just sits there and looks at it like, What? It's so funny.

I wish I could do that. Like he literally jumps at the vacuum now, barks at it. Yeah, it's funny. So good times. Mostly with all the hair that's all over. But I have a hand vacuum as well that I kind of do most of the stuff with. So and he doesn't lose his mind over that, but he definitely gets all uppity. Yeah, yeah, he definitely notices.

He notices, yeah. He notices.

When I have a cleaning lady come every blue moon and when she comes he gets he loses his mind. When she turns it on, it's kind of funny. Kinda funny. Yeah. So I sent you an idea today. you know, w we're always talking about relationship stuff or just things that have happened in our life. And I was talking to somebody at work today. He was

Really?

You did.

I don't want to say he was complaining about his wife because I don't think he was. But he was definitely be like, sh I mean, yeah, but not like angry complaining. Just kind of like that regular old, like what what dudes do with their friends, like, God man, that's just crazy. Baba. Like that kind of thing. And I was like, man, can't wait to be married again. And they and they all kind of laughed.

Complaining about his wife.

Si, si, si.

'Cause you know, I don't I don't have that worry. But the the idea was this is it's divorce and how it changes our outlook on relationships.

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

And since we've both been divorced, and I have several friends who have been divorced, there there is a theme that goes with that, at least on my side with my friends, the theme of how they see relationships now and if they want to.

one, get married again, or two, even be in a relationship, which is quite interesting. And I'm sure that you hear as, you know, from your employment. Yeah, you hear I'm sure matter of fact you probably hear a lot of it.

Mm-hmm.

I hear everything about this all the time, yeah.

I hear a lot of it, yeah. I I think I'm sorry, did you want to finish up? Go ahead. No? Okay. So I think that the consensus is that women still feel that they need to remarry in order to to live a life, like or to not, you know, be struggling. which is funny because

So mm-hmm, go. Go go. No. Go go. Go go.

I was like, you were so miserable in your relationship. Why would you even want to go there? Why not, you know, if if having somebody around makes you that miserable, quit doing it. but I think that that's more like women of my age say stuff like that, 'cause I know that when they come in they want to ask about if I'm dating, who I'm dating, is this guy like proper material, you know, to date and and there's just

Right.

There's criteria. And I think to myself, okay, if you have criteria, is it really gonna work? 'Cause if there's criteria and they meet all those things, you're gonna get with them. What about chemistry? What about like what about wanting to come home and seeing that person every day? So I don't know, when I when I talk about it, I I come from a completely different place. But I think

I didn't go through what most people go through with their divorce. There wasn't a lot of shit slinging and and hating on each other. And so I have I just have a different opinion in that, you know, from that end too. So I listen to everybody and then I think to myself, God am I glad I didn't do that. I'm so glad I didn't do that.

Me too.

Yeah. I I think the I think you're a hundred percent correct with there's two things. Th there's criteria, right? There's some kind of, you know, six feet, six figures, needs to take care of me.

From the female point of view. still needs to pay all the bills, but I want to be independent and I want to work, but my money's mine and your money's mine. Like all these very weird, weird things where we live in a different world now. And and I say that because I think men think differently. I think men yeah, men are done being ATMs.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well they're tired of being doormats.

Yeah.

I I think it's a it's a huge problem. again, I watch all these weird things on on YouTube and and all these women are complaining that men don't want to have expensive dinners when they're dating. They want to keep it very, you know, chill, very easy, at least in the beginning. I saw some wild things that like

And we all have phones, so these people r are recording everything now. And it was this girl, they they were at a store and like barely knew each other, like dating. And and she's put a bunch of clothes on the thing. She goes, Well, you're gonna pay for it, right? He goes, No. She's like, What do you mean? No. What do you she goes, What are you broke? And he goes, No, I'm just not paying for that. Like

Wow, that's the audacity of that. It blows my mind though.

Yeah. There was one where this lady was getting her nails done and then tells the nail lady, my boyfriend's gonna come pay for it. She calls him and he goes, I'm not paying 90 bucks for your nails. And she goes, Yeah. And she could then she has to tell the girl, like, I don't have no money with me. I thought he was coming. And and it just wild, like crazy shit. Where women expect and again, this might all be

But

TikTok and YouTube. So like I don't know how realistic this really is, but let's just say it's the fringe. You know, there's women that are saying that if the guy doesn't pay for her nails and hair to get done before the date, she doesn't want to go.

What?

And and so there's this one this one lady that's on YouTube and Instagram. I think it's her name's like Lady J. And she basically breaks down all these crazy TikTok videos of these women. And she goes and she goes, Isn't the whole point of you getting your hair and your nails done for you? You're gonna do it regardless if you're going on a date or not, because that's what women do, right? You get your hair and your nails done.

Yeah.

So here she goes, why would he have to pay for it when you're already doing it?

And there's something to that.

Well, and and are are you his child or are you his mate? That there's a different

I mean this is just to go on a date. This isn't even like my girlfriend.

That's that is just insane, seriously.

Yeah. And and look, I I can I can understand to a degree if a man wants to wants to contribute to getting nails done or hair done, if that's something that he wants her to be happy. I don't think he should pay for it, you know, every two weeks. I think there's a bit much to that, mostly if you're both working. You know.

I I I've never not paid for my own nails. I mean I've gotten a gift card for like Valentine's Day or something to go get done. But never no. No.

Well.

Yeah. No, but I mean I I've I've had I've had a friend who had their mate was like would get up on Sunday morning, go wash their car, pay for their nails, pay for their hair, do all this kind of shit. And that was like

Now now the car thing that is something I would really appreciate if somebody just did that every so often. That's that's a cool that's a cool guy thing to do, I think.

No, super cool. But

But here's the thing, I think if you set a precedent, if you s if you don't do it one week, then they're like, What happened? Like you you see what I mean? I think both sides need to be careful about it it being expected and not still being thanked for.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's some you know.

Absolutely. I think anything that somebody does for you should say thank you. I mean, that's the minimum that you should do.

That was one of the now here's the flip side of that. I heard this this person on YouTube today, and he goes, you know, why why don't you say thank you to your mate? And this one girl says, Well, because he's just doing the bare minimum. Why would I thank him for the bare minimum? It's like be because he's still doing something for you. It's it's not an obligation. It's he's doing it because

Yeah.

It's out of the goodness of his heart and he wants to do it because you know, he loves you, he does this, you know, whatever it is. So I I find that that the more I watch this stuff, I'm being red-pilled or black pilled or whatever the fuck that they call it these days.

Well, I think that you're seeing life in a really

In a bubble. It's definitely a bubble.

Yeah, yeah. And not in a good bubble. I mean I I like to think that I live in a bubble, but your bubble and my bubble are way different. Mine's like a happy bubble. I don't worry about shit. That's that being in my ear all the time would make me aggressive and angry.

It it that yes. And I I do my best to just look at it and try to bring it in as knowledge for the show. Like I I watch it to get the a feeling of what's out there and and how people And again, I think it's the fringe, right? It's it's not inside the bell curve, it's on the outsides of the bell curve. I'm hoping that

Yeah.

I sure hope so.

Me too. I'm hoping both sides, you know. But but I do believe that the the dating aspect is changing. And I see it with my son.

Like his views on things are very much different than how mine was it when we were younger. Like, yeah, you did go pay for a date and you took him out to dinner and whatever. And I've done that several times when I was using apps. Like, he's like, if you don't want to go on a coffee date with me, I don't want to go with you. Like, it's fine. I I'll meet somebody else. Because the whole point.

But the flip side of that though is if you don't put in any effort, nobody's really gonna take you seriously though. You know what I mean?

But isn't isn't asking them out to coffee effort?

It's minimal effort. I I feel like at my age if if somebody wants to go out, it's okay for them to buy dinner. We don't need to go and sit at some bougie ass restaurant or anything, but n I I yeah, I think that the men should do that the first time. I'm not saying it has to be every time, but that

Ha ha.

i I I in my opinion I don't want another child. I want a man.

Right, but but I'll play as I'll play devil's advocate. What happens if so I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna pay whatever. I'll be nice and say seventy-five bucks for dinner. And I could have paid I could have paid ten dollars for coffee and still had the same conversation with you and at the end still not liked you and and got out of it with minimal w worries and look, money's tight these days anyway.

Mm.

And I'm and again, I'm trying to play devil's advocate here that like I get it. I I see both sides.

Well, I just wouldn't I just wouldn't date somebody that's like that 'cause if they're if they're already minimalizing everything then I I don't think I'm ever gonna be feel important with somebody like that. I don't know. If for me I feel like at my age that's j I don't wanna do that.

See, I I I would say on my on my side, I think it's crazy to go out and drop $100 on dinner with people that you don't know.

Well, there's that too. But I mean I would hope that if you're doing a if you're doing a dating site, I would hope you talked to the person and got to ha have some sort of a connection before you even do that.

We're good.

I mean, I I I I don't think so. I think most people are just going out on dates because you can only do so much via text and you can do DM or even if you FaceTime somebody, there's only so much. And here's the thing, if you end up FaceTiming somebody, you may never go on a date. Do you know what mean? And a lot of people don't want to give out.

Right.

Well at least it's sincere. I mean, I don't I don't wanna be around anybody that doesn't want to be around me. I think that's where I'm different than most people because I'm like, yeah, there needs to be a certain level of effort. There needs to be a certain level of of knowing them before I'd even go out with them. You gotta you gotta think right.

So a and I'll and here's my the flip side of it.

But I d I don't think that you should go you should go out to dinner just so that you have somebody pay for your dinner. That's that's not right. We've talked about that.

Right. But it but at some point that's all that is. Because the conversation is the whole point. I think a a coffee date, a Sunday date, ice cream, whatever, get together, talk with somebody. If you're having a good conversation, you plan dinner. But but that's me.

No, that too. You could do that. But here's the deal, when somebody says coffee date and I've already told I don't drink coffee, are you even hearing me? But you gotta understand what I'm what I'm thinking in my head because I would have remembered that about you and said, Well, why don't we go get some pasta over here? You know what I mean?

No, but there's other things you can do. Well yes, but if you s

Well, what I'm saying is yeah, but what I'm saying is it's if you've already said that in the earlier conversations, I might twist that into something else. Do you know what I mean? Like, hey, there's an outdoor mall over by us. Let's go over there and we can pick up there's a really good ice cream shop there. We can go get a scoop and sit down and talk. Cause to me the conversation means way more than the dinner. Because the best dates I've ever had, I had literally we we went to a

Well, absolutely.

a bar slash restaurant. I had chicken fingers and fries. They had fried pickles. And we talked for hours. I it and

And see it doesn't ha it doesn't have to be more than that. Like you guys already were set up for that before you even went though.

No, but

Well, yeah, but we yes, we knew each other. There was we had talked a lot before, but we hadn't seen each other in a long time. But what I'm trying to say is is the the bigger thing is the reason you go on these dates are to find out if it's somebody that you want to spend time with. I don't want to be stuck at a dinner and and looking for the escape hatch.

Yeah.

Right.

I can do that on a ice cream or coffee date. I can be like, yeah, this isn't working out. And no harm, no foul for most people. But here's the flip side too. I would prefer to go on a date with somebody in the very beginning, very casual. Like I'd rather see them not dolled up first and see who they are as a real person. But that's just who I am.

You know what I mean? Like I wanna see who you are ninety-five percent of the time. I wanna see you in a pair of leggings and a and a t shirt and hanging out with a baseball cap on. Cause that's who you're gonna be if we date. You're not gonna be the dolled up person that you're gonna go out with all the time. Generally.

Right.

That's true. I don't know. I I always have my hair makeup on. I mean you know what I mean? I may not be dressed in a dress or anything, but I'm put together. You would see I could at any time get in the car and say, I'm gonna go see you and be okay.

So mm.

No,

No, but I think that

Yeah, but I and I I get that. And I th but I wanna say that like look, most girls I think you could probably do that with. Most women get up, do their hair, put minimal a minimal amount of makeup on to be seen in public. I I I'm not saying I wanna I wanna see her with no makeup on and like her hair in a bun. Like I want her to but I wanna see what she looks like normally.

I would hope so.

Yeah.

Right.

So I I think that the way things are now, mostly coming out of divorce and like hoping that me and you have seen the errors of our ways. Whatever that means. You see what I mean? Like

Mm.

You might you might think you made one little mistake and you can fix that. And I might think that I made a monstrous mistake and I can fix that. Whatever what I'm saying is it doesn't matter what those are, whatever the errors of our ways or what we thought was the errors of our way, right? You're gonna try to change that. I've been divorced a lot longer than you. A lot, lot longer. I think now I've been divorced.

Mm-hmm.

If you're smart Right.

My boy was six, he's twenty-three.

Do the math. What, sixteen years? Something like that? Seventeen years. Yeah. So I've been divorced 17 years. I've haven't been in a I would say a long relationship. I think the longest I've dated anyone was maybe five or six months. And those both ended for different reasons.

Seventeen years.

Okay.

One one was very young, like way younger than me, and it just didn't it she was psycho. And then the second one, she had a family and was just busy and I wasn't. So that's a to me, that's kind of a bad combo. Right? Because if you want to see somebody, it's it's very difficult when you have tons of time and they don't have much. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

So and then, you know, chasing the wrong people. There's a lot of things that I've done done in my life that are that I could could throw out. but I but I also think that I'm just in a weird place for me. I I think I would like to have a relationship, but I I really, really, really like my alone freedom.

I like that I mm-hmm. I just I like not having anyone to answer to.

You know, I th Go ahead, go ahead.

Yeah. But I don't think if you had somebody and you love them that you would care one way or another. 'Cause I've seen you in relationships. I think that I think that you would just kind of acclimate to the other person just like but that's what happens in any relationship anyway. But you just haven't found somebody worth acclimating for

I I just think that I I think there's a problem with how I feel now that I've been alone so long. I don't care if I'm with someone. Do you see what I mean? Like I've liked people and I there's probably people that I would have acclimated for or you know, but it's very it's very difficult, I think, now. I'm I'm just at a spot where I'm just like I I find

Mm.

For sure.

I find dating a lot of work. And I and I hate to say that, but like to the point where I'm just like, Like I've tried dated site dating sites again. And I'm just like, meh.

But anything worth something is worth putting the effort into. It it's you know, if your outlook was different, you'd probably be having a little bit more fun.

Yeah, I mean, but I like I'm saying I find myself I maybe it's just the last couple I've people I've been around, that I thought I would be in a relationship with. I spent time with but like different kind of time. Like not dating time, just being around them. I I I just I'm kinda like what my son said to me one day.

He's over asking, like, what's your favorite color? What do you do? Well, I just I don't want to do that shit anymore. I'm I'm I guess I'm just jaded to the whole doing it. And and maybe that's because I didn't really hop into a relationship right away after my marriage, and maybe I should have. You know, tried harder. I I I do get gooey. There's there's no doubt about it. and I've been gooey for several people. I

But you get gooey, you get gooey, you do.

Yeah.

You know, I I the last person that I was hanging around

I think your heart is just guarded right now. I that's what I think it is. I think your heart is just guarded and and rightfully so. You know, you've you've had a a good run of of some heartache.

O of of weird of weird things. That's I guess that's a better way of putting it. Yeah. But I think

Yeah, yeah. But I don't I don't know. I think that if you found somebody that that made you happy and wanted to put the effort into you too, you would be so gooey again. You would you would totally acclimate. Rob, you are so adorable when you're like that too, by the way. Like it's just who you are. It's gonna happen. I don't know. I see it.

I mean maybe. I I

I I I I I think that yes, I think I am a little I am definitely like emotionally, you know, out there. I'm gooey, but but I will tell you that I I just I'm having a hard time wanting to do it. And it's just weird to me. Cause like I said

I just said gooey. You're gooey.

I after going through what I've seen you go through the last few years, I totally understand you. Hasn't been easy on you at all.

Yeah. I it's yeah, but like I said, I don't think it's that 'cause you know me, like I can talk to anybody. I don't have the desire to like like I've s I've been on a dating app and I've gotten liked and I'm like, hmm, do I even wanna really like we matched and I'm like, now I don't even wanna send a message because I'm like I know that I'm gonna have to like Okay, let's let's go this

Right.

Do you think that's because they're available is why you don't want them? You don't have to do any of the work to get somebody's attention?

No.

I'm just at a point where like I'm just I don't know. I I I don't know. Maybe that I don't think it's just that. I just it's a lot of work and I don't know if I want to put in that kind of work. Because I don't wanna have to go through the like, hey, what are you doing this week? I'm gonna do this. you can't do this, and and then it you're like people get mad at you because you can't do I'm just like, I don't want I I I'm just I have a lot of freedom.

Yeah.

You do. Freedom is amazing though. It is. Like I'm enjoying the hell out of it.

And when you have freedom, it's awesome.

But and but and then and then things that I do might come back to bite me. Like you know, I do fo I do photography. Now that well the podcast could definitely come back. It's already it's already bitten me a couple of times. but not bad. Like it's you I I didn't bleed out, just people got mad at me. No, but I mean, that's part of this. I don't care about that part. But like I you know, I do photography and I take pictures of half-naked girls all the time. And

Like the podcast?

Yeah.

Who cares?

Well, there's that.

And and that's going to be it's here's the thing, it's not something I'm going to stop doing.

You shouldn't.

So, but that could also come back to bite me. Now, the last person that I was interested in and chasing slash hanging out with, the first thing I told her was this is like, look, I'm not gonna stop, but you know, to make you feel better, come with me to a shoot.

That can make things really awkward, though. I'd be careful saying that.

See, I I I don't think so because I if if you would ever be at one, like, it's work. Like, it's a lot of work. And and I think that you would you would more see that it's not

I bet.

Like all my male friends are like, dude, it must be so cool. You get to see girls like all half naked or their boobs out. And I'm like, Like, I'm I bec you become very desensitized to like naked people. I've seen almost all of my friends in their panties. Tons of them. No, but you know what I mean? Like tons of them that have taken pictures with me. maybe not even my friends, just

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Not me.

I mean complete strangers. There was a girl that I had met that through somebody else who wanted pictures done. And the first day I took pictures of her, she was getting undressed in our living room right in front of me.

Right.

So but and so like that's kind of a hard thing to sell to somebody like, hey, you know, I I do this. So and and it then it all matters who they are, right? I mean

I I don't think I would ever stop doing it, but like I've told people before, like girls that I was interested in, like I might not stop, but you're going to have to be my muse. Like you're gonna have to let me take pictures of you because I have to have some kind of creative outlet. So my outlet is photography and a podcast. And that's what keeps my my drive going. So and I think that.

Right.

Now being divorced, I would my my line in the sand is very much a line in the sand. Like when I say that I'm not gonna stop doing something, I mean it.

And you shouldn't, I mean, you're going into a relationship, you shouldn't be saying, I'll stop doing this and that. No, this is what I do, this is where I'm at right now. Whatever happens down the line or whatever other interests, like they should just know you're gonna have some. But you you should be with somebody that wants you to to be like that, that wants you to be happy, that wants you to do things 'cause if you're stagnant sitting on the on the couch all the time, man, I just wanna beat a person for that. Like

Yeah. A and it's not

Yeah.

Get up and have a life. Like do something. Don't just sit like a bump on the lug. I don't get that.

Yeah. And the flip side it's not like I'm like going to the club or hanging out at the bar and getting drunk all the time. Yeah. And and yeah, and truly if I put my mind to it, I could probably make money at photography. I just haven't haven't put my yeah, I just haven't put my, you know, mind to it and and did it that way. But

Yeah, you're not doing you're not getting drunk and getting DUIs and jacking up your your house cars.

You totally could.

So I I think coming out of divorce and and look, my marriage wasn't horrible. It wasn't. It we had our issues and you know I'm kind of like you. I came out of it very unscarred, with the exception of like get going through a divorce. But it wasn't like there was no mudslinging, there was no yelling, there was no nothing. It was just

Yeah.

You can still talk to your ex, that's such a big deal.

Yeah. I mean, yes, I I had no choice 'cause I had a small child.

Yeah, but you were you always seemed like you were able to do it, which is good because people get so caught up in in being pissed off that they can't be civil. And I all I only saw you being civil, even when it was hard.

Yes.

Yeah. I I I made that a point for everyone involved. Look, we had a small child, I mean he was six. I wanted to make sure that he knew his parents both loved him and you know it didn't work out, it didn't work out. That's all. And like anyone, your children will see who their parents are.

Yeah.

It happened with me. I saw how my dad was and how my mom was. You you'll see it at some point. And my son at one point came home one day and was like, This. And I was like, Okay. Like, you know, he saw something and he finally went, you know, she's kind of like this. And I went, Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And I didn't I never had to say anything. And and I and look, I never said anything bad about my ex wife to her to him, ever. Because there was no reason. That's your mom, she loves you, I'm your dad, I love you, we move on. So I I kind of came out unscarred with the exception of like obviously just going through a divorce is never easy. You know, restarting, getting a new life, the whole that part.

Right.

Are the steps involved?

But I can see why people who go through incredibly shitty divorces. Man, it it it's gotta make you really question ever getting married ever again. I I would probably do it,

Yeah.

My only thing is I don't see a point to getting married anymore. we're not I'm not gonna have kids, and I think that's the biggest reason to get married. secondly, like there's nothing in it for men, and I hate to be that person again, but there's just nothing in it for it. We lose everything, we lose our kid, we have to give half our shit away. There's there's n you're going into it knowing that

Yeah.

Eighty percent of women are the ones who start divorces and they get fifty percent of your shit.

Whether they work or not. So, and we live in a fun state like California, so it's a community property state. So 50-50 regardless. I I I just don't see I don't see a reason to do it mostly as a 55-year-old man. I definitely don't see a reason to do it. But

Yeah. I so as as you get older though, if there's medical problems and things like that and you know, you've been with this person for twenty years and you have a place that you've been paying that then I see that, you know, towards the end of life, but yeah. That's just so that they could keep on living the way they were living. Yeah.

Yeah. But that's just so they get your shit.

Yeah, exactly. And and look, I my my buddy was dying. He was in a bed and he was dying. And he his girlfriend lived in another state. They saw each other often. They would fly back and forth. And in his deathbed got married.

Yeah. I don't see I see a lot of benefits for doing that. If you've been with a person for a long time and and you want things to stay the way they are or or you want it to go easy, the transition when you're dead, the things that have to happen go easy. I totally get that. But for me, I don't I already did that and it was very special and it was where I needed to be at the time.

And and we did that and and did that in completion. But I'm not against marriage now. I just don't think I need it. There's there's no reason to to wanna do that again. I felt a lot of times over the years, 'cause we were buried a long time and together a long time, that I felt I felt trapped, like I couldn't just get up and go because of that piece of paper. Now

Really, was that the case? No. I mean I could have left it any time. Could have not given a shit. But it it it made me feel a little bit stuck. And when you're with somebody, you're with them 'cause you love them and you want to be with them, not because you want to feel stuck. And

For me I just don't wanna be stuck. I don't wanna feel stuck. I'm in a really good place where I'm not stuck, nobody's stuck, everybody's okay. And you know, whatever whatever's gonna happen next, I don't wanna feel stuck.

And I and I think that's kinda how I am. I'm I have such freedom that I can just do whatever I want. I mean

I've always had freedom, so that was never a

I mean, I think we all kind of really do have freedom, with the exception of some people I know that are married or are locked in something that like I have a friend who can't he can't go to the bar alone. His wife would lose lose her mind. Why are you going? You're not gonna you're gonna go without me? Like dead serious, just like that. And then goes, Well, if you want to go, just go. And you know that that's the fucking kiss of death.

Why?

Yeah, you know you're in trouble when you get home if you go.

Yeah. So then you're just like, Well, I'm not going, man. And then then they're like, Well, I told you you could go. It's like, Yeah, but y you also told me to put my hand in the fucking garbage disposal while I you turn it on. It's like 'cause you you know it's just gonna get worse. So it's and I've seen it and I've both you know, both sexes. I've seen guys be very controlled over their girl and women just manipulate their men because, you know, they don't want to go somewhere. I I just

Yeah, see the thing the thing with me is I don't want to be around somebody that doesn't want to be around me, period. So if they'd rather go, I'll be like, you have a good time. I'd rather go and do something I would want to do instead of getting pissed off and trying to control a situation and trying to get one over on my mate. Like, isn't everybody tired of that shit already? Like that shouldn't come on. You know how to act. Don't act like that.

Unless you don't want a relationship 'cause that's what's gonna happen.

Right. And look, we're we're at a look, I I think as you get older, it it's more about companionship. Right. and and I think that that's great too. you gotta find someone who's going to be more like you anyway. I think that's the bigger thing. Right? Where this is where I told you like a couple weeks back, I would rather just have a roommate.

Yeah.

And have like someone that's home some of the time. And when they're home, I'm like, hey, what's up? Hang out with them. Do your thing. Go to your room and and be gone. Cause then you have no responsibility to that person at all. The the only thing you have to do is pay your rent. And they're still your friend. You can still do things together. You can still do things. then

Because like I'll I'll give you an example where like we've talked about men and women are different. Most men want to stay home, don't want to go nowhere, most women want to travel. So you run into the thing where I want to go on vacation. I really don't want to. Well, then what do you do? You're in love, you love this person, you love being around them, but now you're at a stalemate because one wants to go on vacation and one doesn't. What do you do?

'Cause if one goes on vacation by themselves, someone's gonna be mad.

Well you also have to look at if you're with a person that likes to travel like to travel. You know, I I didn't always go traveling with my ex. He did a lot of traveling on his own, mostly for work or to visit like his family, and I didn't go. There was no hard feelings because that was my time to do what I needed to do and he had his time with his family and and it worked out because we got a break from each other. It's gonna happen. Not everybody's gonna want to go to every place. I have a friend that asked me if

Hey, do you want to go to Japan? I'm like, no, not really. Not for any other reason than I that's just for me, that's just never been somewhere I wanted to drop a shit ton of money and go and see it. I don't know why, just haven't. But please go. Go take pictures and Yeah. See, I don't

Yeah. My bo my my son would go in a second. in a New York second. Couldn't wait to go.

I see the pictures of all the people on the bikes and the cars and that just makes me overwhelmed. I don't want to be overwhelmed on vacation.

But that's Tokyo. If you go outside of Tokyo, it's like the country and there's like, you know, cherry blossoms and

That's

Is that only in Tokyo? 'Cause it seems like every time I see anything from anywhere.

Tokyo is like the big, big city in Japan. Outside of Tokyo, yes, there's cities, but there Tokyo's hu is the big one. Tokyo's like LA. Outside of that, there's like there's like pagodas and like countryside and cherry blossoms and all kinds of shit. There's beach. It's it's a yeah. My boy wants to go because he loves anime and he wants to go.

Right.

I don't go to LA either.

And I still

hang out and look at anime stuff and meet Japanese people 'cause he doesn't like seafood, doesn't like sushi. He's gonna hate it there. He's gonna eat McDonalds every day. You know, in Japan. But but he would love to go there.

I don't know. None none of that none of that interests me. I don't know why. It's just not the place I want to go. Now if you're talking Greece, I'm all for it. I'd be there in a heartbeat, just a different situation.

Right.

Right.

I look, I I would travel. It's just not my it it's not on my, you know, top three things to do in life. I'd rather I'd rather travel inside the United States than travel outside the country.

Well, and that's fun too. I'm getting ready to take a a train ride from San Diego up to Washington and I can't wait. Like that that just sounds fun to do, you know? And then nobody's gonna say you're breaking any laws. You know what the laws already are because you're staying in the States. I'm okay with that.

So

Right. I'm gonna be going to South Dakota in a little while and I'm gonna go see Mount Rushmore. 'Cause I've never I've never s I've seen it from an airplane many times when when I was young. Yeah, because my mom lived in Iowa and my uncle used to buy like business class tickets for me because he was a banker. So he I I had a flight home.

Yeah.

Really?

Nice.

From Iowa to LAX, it had nine stops.

So, like, because it was a business class. So it would like go up, drop, like 10 people would get off, 10 people would get on, we'd get right back up in the air. It was, it was a wild flight. It was so crazy. I stopped in like Nebraska, South Dakota, Colorado, Arizona, Nevada.

Why?

I want to say Utah. There was, it was like, it was a so many, maybe not nine, but it was at least seven. It was crazy. It was such a weird flight home. But I will tell you, it broke me of my being afraid to fly. Cause I mean, you you'd be up in the air for like 48 minutes and land again. It was just the most wild thing. And here I am, I'm like 13 years old or 12 years old on a plane by myself.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And the and when you're that young, you have a stewardess that checks on you the whole time. And I remember she was very, very, very pretty. It's like incredibly pretty. And I remember every time she How you doing, I was big, I'm great. Like, you gonna keep checking on me every time we land? She's like, Yes. I never had to get out of my seat because I was on the same flight going from one place to LA. But

Yeah.

Yeah, so I've you know, I've seen a lot of the country from the air. I you know what I've never done that I want to do, and I was I was hoping to do it with a friend of mine who lives in Arizona. I wanna I've never been to the Grand Canyon. And and my dad my dad said something to me one time. He said, if you can stand at the edge of the Grand Canyon and tell me that God doesn't exist, you're a better man than me. Cause he goes, It's just

I haven't either.

Right.

this beautiful golden brown, you know, mountain range. And I was like, okay. So I think that's gonna be on my list of things to do probably in the next year. Come springtime of next year. Yeah. I'd like to sta Yeah, I've never been I think it would be a cool little a little trip just to say it's not far from here. It's it's like

Let me know. If you don't have anybody to go with, I'll go with you. We'll do that together 'cause I haven't been there either.

It's not far from Vegas.

Yeah, that's true.

Not far at all. I think it's like less than a day. I think you can get there in like under eight hours. So but yeah. So I don't know. I I think that the the it being divorced has definitely changed me on how I look at relationships. I I won't say that I I jump out quickly because I I don't think that that's just who I am. I I

Mm-hmm.

I definitely look at them differently, but I also I I still think like, this might be this might work or I see myself doing this. Look, I I've been accused of a lot of different things. I've been accused as being like incredibly like

strong willed and like really wanting to be in relationship and kind of over like too much. That's what I've been told I was. You're you're a lot. You're too much. And I've told people that they're a lot and that's got me in trouble. So I I'm just in a very weird place. I I I don't want to say that I'm I've totally given up, but I'm definitely I I would say

Taken back a little bit.

I'm just gun shy. I don't know if I want to go through the whole thing again and then, you know, give up seven or eight months of my life and then be like, yeah, that was for nothing. It's just, it's hard because the last the last thing I was like, yeah, this could actually be something. And and it kind of just went sideways very quickly and it's kind of a drag.

Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you at you.

It's so I get it. I can see why some people are come out of divorce and d definitely either are totally done or very, very, very, very you know, their their arm is very stretched out and keeping people at a at a distance to go, okay, this is going to have to definitely sway me in one direction.

I I definitely f have felt like that and I still do. Like I don't let a lot of people in that close because I don't not wanting to get all caught up in in what they're offering but I don't know, I just don't feel I feel like it it's gonna something's gonna happen and when it does I'm just gonna be like, Okay, let's see how it goes. Like try not to make a bunch of rules or or try to

Right.

control it 'cause I th I have learned that the controlling shit in life is something that will make you laugh because there is no control over what's gonna be and I'm over it. So now I just like sit back and I'm like, all right, what's gonna happen next? Get the popcorn. It could be fun.

Yeah. Right. It doesn't work.

Right.

I I kind of agree with you. I I think the more you try to control it, it becomes more out of control. So if you just let it shit fly

For sure. Like life is organic and we're like trying to control this shit, like yeah, it's never gonna happen.

Yeah. Yeah. If and and I'm definitely one to say now that if it's meant to be, it's going to be. And if it's not, it won't. And everything's a learning experience. and and look, some things are worth are worth it. And whether it's, you know, after two weeks, eight months,

Yes.

Two years. If if it's meant to be, it's going to come back, circle around, and it's going to be worth it. I just don't want to, I don't want to get caught up in something that I can't get myself out of. Right? Like you get so deep in a relationship, can't afford to get out of it. That's a horrible thing. And then I also don't want to be in a relationship staying for the wrong reasons, because God, I know a lot of people who've done that. And it

Mm, yeah.

Don't they look freakin' miserable?

Well they and it look the ones that I know are are miserable right now or when they finally got out and met someone who was worth a shit, they've they change and and that's is I'm happy to see that. I have a friend who was man, she had some bad relationships and just kept stacking shitty people on top of each other. And from what it looks like, she's got a good person now and that's awesome. And you know, i I think you're right though, you do have to take a chance.

with somebody, right? You have to you can only be guarded for so long until you're, you know, going, wow, maybe I should give this person a chance. Yeah.

Until you're hindering your growth. I mean you yeah. You could spend a lot of time doing that. And and and justifiably so, 'cause divorces really suck. They hurt, they they bleed you. They're just there's something that if you could not do it, you shouldn't do it. But on the other hand, you know, life will do that to you too. You know, whether you're married or not. It's

Absolutely. Life can suck the blood out of ya. Mostly if you let it. You know what I mean? I think that that's another thing these days. I do my best to not let news, you know, get me all weird. Like about anything. And I and that's I'm I know I'm being vague, but it's just like, you know, if you hear

So

Okay.

You know, this happened and y I just gotta go, all right. I think that's part of the world and gotta keep going. Because some the you you can't you can only let the things that that really affect you bother you. If they don't affect me now, I just go, whatever dude. Gotta go. Yeah, because it's it's too easy to let that kind of shit bring you down. And

Tina (50:26.193)

Agreed. Yeah.

And and when it comes to people in relationships, if somebody doesn't want to be around you, like open the door and let out. Like

Yeah. A and but I agree with you, but I think this time too, I think let out with grace. If you don't want to be with me, cool. I'm not mad at you. It's awesome. You know. Yeah.

Yeah. Just let out, you know. It doesn't have to be a big deal. You don't you don't have to do all the grand gestures so that everybody knows, like everybody's gonna know anyway. So just like set yourself free, do what you gotta do, you know, try to try to have some grace 'cause everybody everybody's struggling. you know, we all go through life trying to figure shit out, so you don't have to, you know, put the cherry on their on their

Yeah.

Yeah, I I I do agree with that 'cause look, we're all going through something. And and I think that sometimes and and I'm guilty of it too, that we're you know, I'm more looking at what I'm not going through and not remembering that the person that you might like is going through a lot of shit. And, you know.

Cake.

Yeah.

Mm.

Well, I don't know about it. I don't know about all that, but I do know that you don't have to torture yourself either.

I mean Yeah. And man, we do that a lot. People. I

I'm not trying to do that shit these days. I'm kind of lo not feeling that.

No, but we know people who, you know, either now or in the past or whatever, that yeah, that just love to torture themselves. And it's like, look, you don't have to do that. Mostly if there's again, like kind of like you were saying, if there's someone who gives a shit about you and and you know, they're there and you have feelings for it, it's like let it be known. Because if you don't

my god. I couldn't live.

Yeah.

You might miss out on somebody good.

May have to live with your decisions.

Yeah. Fucked up. We always have to do that shit, right? Yeah, right.

Right. I am so I am so not on a waiver for that one.

No shit, right? so hey, any last words for this lovable podcast of ours for this week?

Yeah.

I would say that it's your life, figure it out. Like you'd if you're if you are upset about like what happened in your relationship and you don't wanna be you don't wanna be with someone like that, like figure it out. See what's going on with you, try to work it out, see where you need to fix yourself 'cause nobody that goes through a relationship is is the perfect one. It's not all

Right and wrong, good and bad. Like it's not. So I would say that no matter what happens, look at what you've what what you brought to the table and what you did and try to be responsible for your side of the street so that you could get better and not go through the same shit over and over again.

Yep, that's a good point. Good, good point.

I think that's the best advice I could give. Other than that, like try not to be bitter. You know, not everything lasts forever and you don't have to be mad all the time about it either.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't don't let divorce sour you to good people.

Absolutely.

E everybody is not your ex.

Thank God. Not that my ex was bad, but thank God. You know, there there just needs to be difference different people.

Yeah. No, but I

Well, I'll give you an example. Everyone is not your ex from your from your high school on. You know what I mean? Like you're hoping that you're you're always getting somebody different and maybe hoping that somebody's going to be better at whatever you're looking for. So

Well, your X's aren't the same, right?

Well it depends on the choices that you make.

Is correct. hey, keep checking us out on all those cool podcasting places you guys are helping us out. I don't think I did social media last week because it was really crazy. I was out of town. so the this week I'll get back on that so you'll be getting some notifications. Keep check us out on Facebook and Instagram and TikTok and other places. I forgot where else I do.

And me too.

And it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. that right there, that's Tina, and I'm Rob, and we'll see you in a week. Bye.

Bye.