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In this episode, David Bayer explores the intricacies of personal growth and the barriers that often hinder progress. He delves into the concept of limiting beliefs, explaining how they form a mere fraction of the resistance we face.

David introduces listeners to a comprehensive framework that. He emphasizes the importance of surrendering to a higher power and cultivating self-love to achieve true transformation. Tune in to receive the tools to break through personal growth ceilings and embrace a more fulfilling life.

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Available on Amazon: A Changed Mind: Go Beyond Self Awareness, Rewire Your Brain & Reengineer Your Reality

Download the Audiobook: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DCKF721M

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What We Explored This Episode

06:06 The Four Types of Resistance in Personal Growth

12:12 Transforming Limiting Beliefs with the Decision Matrix

18:21 Personal Story: Resentment and Forgiveness

24:25 Understanding the Core Program and Surrendering

30:33 Reestablishing Self-Love and the Role of Affirmations

Memorable Quotes

"The fastest way to transform a limiting belief is to become aware of it, decide how you want life to be, and then find evidence in your own life to support the new decision."

"Resentments bind limiting beliefs. You cannot get rid of a limiting belief if you're still holding on to a person who represented that belief to you through resentment."

"The core program is your core wound, the intertwining of wounds from your parents, and it cannot be changed by a decision matrix or alleviated through a forgiveness framework; it must be surrendered."

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Limiting beliefs are fairly easy to work with. When you've got the right technology and you've changed your belief systems before, you've done it before. There's some beliefs that you've changed. There's some beliefs that you haven't. Maybe a belief that you've changed is something like, I can't trust people because you grew up and you experienced some sort of what you perceived as mistrust or betrayal. And so, you know, for a while, you ran around in your life not being able to trust anybody, and it kind of brought you to your knees because it created unmanageability and insanity in your life. And then at one point in time, you're like, well, maybe I'll just decide to trust people. And you saw that the mistrust started cycling out of your life, and the trust started filling into your life. You started seeing that actually, those were isolated experiences of mistrust. And for the most part, 99.9% of people actually behave the way that you would expect them to. So you can trust people, or you can trust life. Welcome to a changed mind. A journey into the topics that matter to you most. From the neuroscience and spirituality of mindset and personal growth. To groundbreaking strategies for health, wealth, and relationships. To open and honest conversations about pressing global issues such as the environment, censorship, corporate capture, and democracy. Each and every episode reminds us of the certainty of the goodness of the future and provides the teachings, tools, and timeless wisdom inspiring you to create real, lasting change in your life and in the world. If you've been desiring a sanctuary for your spirit, a place to go to tune out the distraction, negativity, and doom and gloom so that you can tap into the deep power, the vibrancy, and the potential you have inside. You're in the right place. Welcome to a changed mind. Hey, it's David. Welcome to a changed mind. A sanctuary for your spirit. A place where each and every episode I remind you of the certainty of the goodness of the future. I'm your friend, your host, your guide, David Bayer. If you have gotten to a point in your personal growth where you're feeling stuck, you're absolutely going to love this episode, because I'm going to talk. Talk about why so many of us hit a ceiling in our self help and what you need to do in order to break through to the other side. I'm going to give you four very specific tactics to implement that are going to help you continue to grow personally and evolve spiritually. Most people get stuck in personal growth because they believe that the only thing they need to be focused on are their limiting beliefs. And the truth is, is that there are four types of resistances that are preventing you from creating more in your life. Having more joy, having more abundance, having more prosperity, and really achieving your full potential. And so I'm going to break down those four resistances and again give you a daily practice that you can implement in order to continue to break through the personal growth ceiling. And I got to this place not that long ago, it was in two years ago where I hit a wall in my personal growth and I didn't know what to do. Frankly, it was a very, very scary experience for me because there was a part of me that said, look man, you know, you teach personal growth, you know everything there is to know about human evolution and how to rewire your brain. Maybe there's something fundamentally wrong with you that's going to limit me in having a joyful life and moving forward. And that of course was just a limiting belief. What was happening was a breakthrough, but it felt like a breakdown. And for me it was actually a breakdown. I was having a lot of friction in my life. I was experiencing some very nagging chronic health challenges. My wife was pregnant with our first son and so she was experiencing a lot of emotions and that was downstreaming into our relationship and our life. Our business was in a contraction and I didn't know how to manage my emotional state. I was in chronic overwhelm, chronic stress, chronic anxiety. And one of the things I decided to do was to go back to a place that was helping me, or had helped me in a previous time in my life, when my life had become unmanageable and when I felt powerless to change anything. And that was going back into the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I started going to a couple of meetings a week. I called up an old buddy of mine, I said, hey, I got to work the twelve steps again. He said, why are you drinking? Are you drugging? Are you sexing? I said, no, I'm not doing any of that, but I'm worrying a lot and so I want to work the steps around my chronic worry and really see what's there. So I worked through the steps again. I think this was the third time I'd worked through the steps over ten years. And I saw some things that I had never seen before and they connected to the work and the framework that I had been developing. And it actually gave birth to a twelve step program that we've developed called the whole human framework. I know that some of you have gone through that program. It's the most transformational framework that I've ever experienced and was excited to be able to bring it to our community. And what I realized in that process was, was that we get stuck in personal growth because we think that limiting beliefs are the thing to focus on. And limiting beliefs only represent about 25% of the resistance that holds us back. And the name of the game, if you've listened to any of my other episodes, is not to try to hustle or grind or figure out how to have more time or more money or to be constrained by the limitations of our life. The master equation that we teach is desire plus non resistance equals desired result. Desire plus non resistance equals desired result. And when you take a look at that equation, the desire piece, youve already got down. Like, there are things that you want. There are a lot of things that youve experienced in your life that you dont want. As a result of experiencing those things that you dont want, you become clear on what you do want. And so youre basically a desire making machine. You have a whole portfolio of desires that youve already created. And so, pretty much step one is complete desire. You want more money, you want more time, you want more freedom, you want to grow your business, you want better relationships, you want a better body, you want more health, you want to be a better parent, you want more spiritual connection, you want more clarity. So you got the desire piece down. It's the second piece, non resistance, where the battle is won or lost. And when you are non resistant to the desires, you have 100% of the time, consistently and predictably, given enough time, you'll produce the desired result, no matter what it is.

More clarity, more money, more health, more relationship, more business, more impact. The thing that is tripping us up is resistance. And the reason why you're experiencing negative emotions in your life, stress, anger, overwhelm, jealousy, what we would call primal states of emotion, hopelessness, depression, anxiety, suffering, is because you're arguing with yourself. On one hand, you want something, and on the other hand, you're resistant to it. And one way that you're resistant to it is your belief systems. And so your beliefs, which were formed at a very, very, very early age, mostly before the age of seven, as you were impressionable, with a very absorbent mind, you came to conclusions about the world, or other people had their conclusions, and they imposed them upon you. These programs started to inform how you think, how you feel, how you act on a daily basis, and ultimately how you experience reality. And so, you know, a really simple exercise that I give people is to complete the sentence. When I was growing up, money was blank. And usually how money was for you as a child is how money is for you as an adult. Some people rebel against however money was for them as a child, but they still have an unhealthy relationship with money. And what normally shows up in that blank, I'd say about 70% of the time, was money was scarce. When I was growing up, money was scarce. And your brain is a goal achieving machine. So based on the beliefs or the programs that were formed at a very early age, you're going to think on a moment by moment basis, thoughts in alignment with that belief. So you'll have thoughts in alignment with money being scarce. You'll experience or feel money being scarce. And so those are the actions that you will take. You'll take actions steeped in financial insecurity and financial scarcity, and then those are the results that you will produce. And then the results that you produce will just reinforce the belief that it started with where you'll go, see, I told you there's not enough money. And so it's not inherently true in this case, whatever the limiting belief is that there's not enough money, but that'll become your reality because it's the way that the brain works. This is the basis of behavioral psychology. So I'm not making anything up here. You don't have to believe me. Go believe the psychological sciences if you want. But what you believe, you think, what you think, you feel, what you feel you do, and what you do produces your results. And the results will, 100% of the time, be correlated back to the belief that originated them. So if we want to transform our reality or our circumstance or situation, we have to transform our belief. So beliefs is one layer of resistance. Account it to be about 25% of the resistance pyramid. And the reason why most people get stuck in personal growth is because this is where all of our energy and focus and attention goes. Because personal growth, for the most part, doesn't really talk to us about the other three layers. I'm going to share those with you here today in my pursuit of trying to figure out how to go deeper into my personal growth. If you've heard my story, I did everything. I did everything from going from event to event and reading all the books and doing the meditation and the breath work and the somatic body release and drug my girlfriend, who's now my wife, to India for three weeks to study with monks, and then Tibet to do even deeper meditations. And back to Sedona to see if I could find a vortex to jump into or a crystal that could remove whatever limiting beliefs were still holding me back. And we end up going round and round and round and sort of this personal development carousel sort of stuck at that first level of limiting beliefs. And then we get to a place where we think we suck at our own personal growth. Then I went down the journey of psychedelics, ayahuasca, MDMA therapy, psilocybin. So a helpful part of my process, but ultimately the thing that has pushed me through to the other side is understanding these three additional layers. But limiting beliefs are fairly easy to work with. When you've got the right technology and you've changed your belief systems before, you've done it before, there's some beliefs that you've changed, there's some beliefs that you haven't. Maybe a belief that you've changed is something like, I can't trust people because you grew up and you experienced some sort of what you perceived as mistrust or betrayal. And so, you know, for a while you ran around in your life not being able to trust anybody, and it kind of brought you to your knees because it created unmanageability and insanity in your life. And then at one point in time, you're like, well, maybe I'll just decide to trust people. And you, you saw that the mistrust started cycling out of your life and the trust started filling into your life. You started seeing that actually those were isolated experiences of mistrust. And for the most part, 99.9% of people actually behave the way that you would expect them to. So you can trust people or you can trust life, and it's important to assess, like, what did you do there to change that belief? And that's what I did. As I was getting into personal development work, I'm like, what is actually happening here? And its a very, very simple process that I teach in our programs, and ive explained fully in other episodes because im trying to give you guys just everything and not hold anything back to support you in your growth and transformation. And I call it a decision matrix. And so basically what you did was you took a limiting belief and you came up with a new belief, which is really a new decision, and then you found evidence in your own life to support the new decision. Really the fastest way, and I think the only way to transform a limiting belief is to, number one, become aware of it. Like, oh, I'm aware that I can't trust people. Number two, to decide how you want life to be. I trust people. People are trustworthy. And then number three, source evidence from your own life to support the new decision and to dismantle the old limiting belief. Because when you find enough evidence to support the new belief, or what we would call the new decision, we say beliefs are simply decisions. You can just, when you find enough evidence to support the new decision, the old limiting belief doesn't make any sense anymore. And so the best way to do that is to actually source evidence from your own life that the limiting belief really isn't true and that the new decision is. It's a really powerful distinction that beliefs are decisions. It's at the core of part of our framework, because you just decided when you were younger that money was scarce, it wasn't necessarily true, but you unconsciously decided it. And so as a result of that, you've only been paying attention to evidence to support that theory, and you've been ignoring all evidence that is not supportive of that theory. And so it's become your reality. But you can change your reality almost instantly by changing your beliefs. There's a little bit of time where kind of reality has to catch up. And so it's important to not go back into the limiting belief. You know, a lot of times people will shift. The limiting belief got a new empowered decision that prosperity and abundance flows to them, and then all of a sudden they get a bill in the mail they didn't expect and they go, see, I knew it. I'm never going to have enough. So you have to kind of wait for reality to change. The materialized world has a delay. And for a little while you may experience the old limiting belief. We call that the echo effect. So it's good to know that that's how it works, because then when the echo shows up, you don't overreact by undeciding and going back to the old limiting belief. But this first layer of resistance is limiting beliefs. There's really good tools out there. I think the decision matrix is one of the best of them. And if you want to know more about it, you can jump on over to our website and check out Mindhack or the whole human framework, two incredible courses that we have that'll take you through these frameworks. But this is the work that most people do in personal growth, where they improve their lives, but then they get stuck on the carousel because they don't understand the other three layers of resistance. And remember, desire plus non resistance equals desired result. Remember, the only thing causing you to experience suffering in your life. Is resistance. And what is it resistance specifically to its resistance to what you want, which is showing up in the forms of thoughts and emotions and perceptions that resistance is creating friction inside of you because you're holding yourself back. One layer of resistance is limiting beliefs. We had a number of people in our program who'd been in our programs for a while, and I also experienced this in my own journey, that while I and they had shifted a lot of our limiting beliefs, there were some limiting beliefs that just felt like they were harder to get rid of. You ever experienced that? But it's like, how come it's so hard for me to overcome these money limiting beliefs, or these beliefs about myself or these beliefs about other people, or these beliefs about relationships, or I'm still procrastinating and self sabotaging in my business. Why am I so struggling with this belief that nobody would want to hear what I have to say? And the reason for this is that there's a set of beliefs that are more deeply rooted in neurology. So we could actually see that the myelin sheath and the electrical activity around these beliefs a little stronger than the run of mill limiting beliefs that you've been able to transform. And the reason for that is that these beliefs are bound by resentment. So resentments bind. This is a really important concept. I think it's groundbreaking and personal growth. Resentments bind, limiting beliefs. In other words, you cannot get rid of a limiting belief if you're still holding on to a person who represented that belief to you, and you hold onto them through the mechanism of resentment. Now, if you want to identify those resentments, you don't even have to go all the way back to your childhood. You can, and I'm going to give you an example and a story here of my experience of transforming a resentment. You could just look at the current resentments in your life, because the current resentments in your life are echoes of the past. Most of our resentments, I would say about 70% to 80% of them, are from our primary caretakers. And sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow. It's from your mom or your dad or whoever raised you. Sometimes it's from the absence of a mom or a dad and the meaning you gave that experience and the resentment you have towards a person that you don't even know or a person that abandoned you. But about 70% to 80% of the resentments are from our primary caretakers. And so sometimes it's like, oh, man, I don't want to acknowledge or admit that I resent my parents. Some people believe they had a wonderful experience with their parents. They love their parents. I love my parents. But there was a lot of challenge growing up in my family. My dad, in the way that he was and the way that I perceived him. I interpreted my experience with my dad as Im not good enough. And I always sought my dads approval. And I wanted my dad to agree with the things that I believed, because that agreement, for me, was a sign of love. And my dad was very disagreeable. You know, my dad was an attorney. He was a critical thinker. He didn't have a high level of emotional intelligence. And so throughout my entire childhood and my adolescence, as even as an adult, I was always seeking my dad's approval. I would actually bring my dad a controversial topics that I knew at an unconscious level. He had one perspective on, and I had another perspective so that I could win him over to my perspective in order to feel like I was loved. Now, you can imagine how that worked out. Not very well. And so, as I was working the steps around my resentment towards my dad, I found forgiveness. I realized that my dad really did the best he could, that my dad was holding his own traumas. My dad's dad was very similar to my dad. My dad probably never got the love that he wanted from his dad. His dad was very critical and kind of a tough thinker and not particularly empathy. And so I really just saw clearly that my dad gave me the love he was capable of giving me and did the best that he can. And in that, I found forgiveness. We actually teach a whole framework around this called the forgiveness framework within our whole human framework structure. And I'd actually done this work while Carol was, like, eight months pregnant. And a month later, we're in the hospital, and very funny story, short story. I bought Carol a book off of an intuition on Amazon from a famous midwife named Ida May, who talked about having a natural birth. And all of a sudden, my wife got on this natural birth trip. So everything was now going to be a natural birth. We were going to try to do no medication.

So now it brings us into this concept of surrendering. And so we teach something called the surrender experience, which is becoming aware when the core program becomes active in your system and instead of engaging in the behaviors that the core program usually compels you to engage in. For me, it might be like checking my pulse, or looking up health stuff or symptoms on Google, or going to another doctor and going round and round and round and filling up my cabinet with supplements, because this showed up as my chronic health conditions and chronic worry about my health. Instead, do healthy activities. You do the things that the person who is already free of this behavior would be doing. So I exercise, I go out and enjoy my life. I call friends. I go to a twelve step meeting because what you're wanting to do with the core program is surrender it and trust that as you let go and let God, God will do for you what you have not been able to do for yourself, which is to solve the problems that the core program is manifesting, in this case, its health challenges for me, and also alleviate you of the emotional symptomatology, like the stress, the anxiety, the overwhelm that has become chronic for you and to heal your mind. And so we let go and we let God. And as we do that, its a neurological habit break. And so as we stop doing the habit, the habit gets weaker and weaker and weaker. I and as we choose to do other things, trusting that God or the universe or Jesus or Allah will solve the situation for us through the power of synchronicity and coincidence and new thoughts and ideas that we may have access to, we start to build a new neurology. We start to become the next level version of ourselves. And this is very much an identity shifting process. So we have to let go of the old personality, which has really developed into such a strong habit, so that we can build the new personality necessary for us to achieve our full potential. So this is the work that we do with the core program, and it shows up differently for everybody. For my wife, it showed up as working really, really hard. She said she could outwork anybody, and controlling circumstances and situations and being obsessive about making sure she doesn't make any mistakes. But then that turned into, I have to do it all on my own, and there's not enough help to help me. And her hustling and grinding and overworking and almost burning out. So that was her core program. So the core program will bring you to your knees almost in a prayer position, so that you start looking for help. And it's really a mechanism by which I believe God brings us back into relationship with him, or it, after we've gone on this journey of our own life, it's very much the prodigal son story, where the Son goes out and lives a life of sin and comes back and is forgiven by the father and comes back into relationship with the father. It's this idea that God has been waiting for you to ask him to address the issues that you have not been able to, to solve in your own life, but that you have been so busy trying to manage that there's been no space for God to do God's work. That's the third layer, which is the core program. That core program brings you into a deeper relationship with a higher power of your own understanding, and it starts to reconnect you with yourself, which takes us to the fourth layer of resistance, the last 25%, which is the reestablishment of self love. So what you've been doing as a result of a disconnection between yourself and a disconnection with a higher power as a result of all of these lower level misunderstandings or limiting beliefs or resistances, is that youve been outsourcing your self love and your self esteem, and youve been making other people or other things your God, youve been making money your God, youve been making success your God, youve been making the number of social media followers or the amount of engagement you have on your social media post your God, youve been determining your self worth and self love by how other people respond around you, or what other people say about you, or how much money you have in your bank account. And so all of that is conditional. And so we are living a conditional life which is a victimized life because we can never control our external conditions or circumstances. Theyre always going to change. And so in this fourth layer of restoration, we address the absence of self love and the tool that we predominantly use for that is affirmations and incantations. Affirmations are very, very powerful. They can be resistance creating if theyre used too early. If youve ever done an affirmation or an incantation, but you havent done the work to start to pull the weeds of the limiting beliefs and pull the weeds of the resentment and pull the motherweed of the core program, then you dont have any space in your garden to plant new seeds. And so you just become frustrated because the affirmations and the incantations dont stick. And then that of course reinforces theres something wrong with you. But in this fourth layer of resistance, we start doing incantations and affirmations, reminding ourselves of whats actually true, affirming the new decisions and new belief systems. And I also recommend getting into a practice every single day of writing to your higher power. I've talked about this in the last few episodes. I developed a practice of waking up in the morning and writing to God and doing three things. Number one, thanking God for all the incredible things and experiences in my life, psycho emotional material. Thanking God for my recovery. Thanking God for pulling the weeds from my garden. Thanking God for encouraging me into a deeper relationship with him. Thanking God for my son, for my wife, for my community, for the podcast. Thanking God for this planet. Thanking God for all the provisions that he has made for me. And as I write, I feel as if I'm actually in conversation like a long lost lover or pen pal with my God. And then I start asking God for things. Just like my son would ask me for things. I ask God for continued spiritual growth. I ask God to know his will. I ask God for millions and millions of people to receive the work that he's channeled through me, through my book, a changed mind. I ask God for lots of things, and then I pray for other people. And so this has been the biggest game changer. And I think this is the transition from personal development 1.0 to personal development 2.0. This is the bridge across to the other side is understanding these four layers of resistance and working with those layers rather than just the first layer of limiting beliefs.

But then ultimately the key that unlocks the door into the next room that you're trying to get into, right? This next level of growth, this emotional and spiritual freedom that then materializes as financial freedom and relationship freedom and clarity and purpose and spiritual vision, business growth, all the things that you want, is actually a personal relationship with God. But it's very difficult to have a personal relationship with God if you've got all this resistance going on inside of you. I was having a conversation with one of my clients in Guatemala. We were there for our legendary mindset event for my one year coaching clients. And we were standing at a sacred site there, a big cross that overlooks the city of Antigua. And he was telling me a story about how he's really been working with his core program and this feeling of not being good enough. And he said, yeah, it showed up in my business networking group. He runs a big business networking group, and one of the individuals in his program, I guess, was very critical of him and saying negative things about the way he was running the group. And another guy in the group said, hey, who cares what this guy has to say? This guy took a $5 million business and turned it into a $3 million business. This guy's a trust fund baby that hasn't created anything in his life. Don't worry about that. You're doing a great job. And he said to me, I compare myself to other people. I compare myself to you. I compare myself to other great leadership icons and experts, from Tony Robbins to John Maxwell. And he said, what I realized in using your tools and working through the four layers of resistance is that I'm as good as other people. Nobody's better than I am. He went from this conversation of, I'm not good enough to I'm good enough. And I said, Scott, I think thats a lot of progress, but I want you to know where youre actually going. He said, wheres that? I said, youre moving out. Youre in relationship with the great Waymaker. And when you have that actual relationship, you know that your father will take care of anything that you need. So if youre not free to be yourself because youve got all this resistance because you havent weeded the garden, how can you possibly be in clear and authentic communication with a God of your own understanding? So this is the path and the structure. Its important to understand that personal development 10 working on our limiting beliefs brings us here into personal development 2.0, understanding that we're operating in a garden with a variety of different types of, let's call them weeds that need to be pulled. There's four layers of resistance. There's beliefs transformation. There's letting go of resentments. There's surrendering and building a relationship with a power, a higher power or a higher power of your own understanding. And then there's loving yourself and deepening that relationship. And the game changes from personal development to what I would call enlightenment. And enlightenment is a lightening. It's a lightening of the load. You become enlightened, and you do that by offloading so many of these conversations that don't make sense by moving into the only conversation that does, which ultimately becomes, hey, what is it you want me to do? And I will go do it, and I will trust that you will make the way. And I know that things may not show up as I expect them to, but they're showing up as they need to because you're God, so you don't really make any mistakes. It is a right seeing of reality. So again, if you want to go deeper into this, we've got some great courses and then eventually our coaching programs, our live events, you can jump on over to davidbear.com and check it out. I recommend Mindhack and the whole human framework. We've got them as a bundle right now. And just stay in this work with me. I mean, you're in the right place. Obviously, if you're still here listening to the end of this episode, there's a reason for it. And I'm here to support you. I love you very much. I believe in your full potential. I believe in your spiritual, spiritual vision. I believe that once you get into this work, it is an inevitability that you get through to the other side that for a little while, we'll weed the garden together. And then we're going to look up into the sky and we're going to find ultimately what's been calling us forward, which is a relationship with the power greater than ourselves and an ability to live in that relationship on a day to day basis. So if you love this episode, share it with somebody you love. Do me a favor, real easy. You just click the share button and send the URL. If you haven't yet and you're listening on YouTube, subscribe. Hit that bell icon so you get reminders and leave me a comment or a question. And if you're listening on the audio platform, do me a favor, subscribe and also leave me a rating. And if you can, a review. I love reading every single one of them. It's the way we get this workout to more and more people. I love. You have an amazing rest of your day or evening wherever you are, and I will see you in the next episode. Hey, it's David. One more thing. If you want to go even deeper on everything we've talked about on today's episode, don't forget to jump over to www.davidbear.com. you can find the link in the show notes and subscribe to our newsletter. A couple of times a week I'm going to be sending you the latest episodes that we've released, along with additional free trainings. You'll get immediate access to my free Mindhack ebook and go even deeper into all the tools, the technologies, and the frameworks that have helped tens of thousands of people established a changed mind. Don't forget to jump on over to the site and I will see you in the next episode.