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Episode Description

You've built a life. You've done the things you were supposed to do. But underneath it all, there's a quiet question that won't leave you alone: "Is this all there is?" In this episode, Steven Webb shares the deeply personal story of lying in a hospital bed at eighteen, paralysed and unable to speak, wrestling with the two biggest questions of his life. What he discovered is that "is this all there is?" isn't a sign of ingratitude or crisis. It's a doorway to something extraordinary: wonder, mystery, and the breathtaking magic of not knowing. Drawing on the wisdom of Rumi, Alan Watts, and Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki, Steven explores how we can trade our cleverness for bewilderment and see the world through beginner's eyes again.

Who Is This Episode For?

This episode is for anyone who has ever looked at their life and felt that quiet ache of "is this it?", especially when everything looks fine on the outside. If you're in midlife and questioning what it's all been for, if you feel guilty for wanting something deeper when you know you should be grateful, or if you've simply stopped seeing the magic in everyday moments, Steven Webb recorded this conversation for you.

What You'll Hear in This Episode

Steven opens with a vivid image of a butterfly landing in front of you and asks when you last truly saw the world for the first time. He then takes you back to his hospital bed at eighteen, where two questions rattled around in his mind for months: "Who am I?" and "Is this it?" He explores why this question tends to arrive in midlife, when the forward momentum of building a career, a family, and a life finally slows down enough for you to look around and wonder what it was all for. Carl Jung's idea of the second half of life as a turning inward sits alongside Rumi's invitation to sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment, Alan Watts' beautiful image of the unknown becoming a window rather than a blank space, and Shunryu Suzuki's teaching on beginner's mind. Steven weaves in a story about a little girl discovering that the world through a caravan window is the same world outside the door, and his own moment watching a wave at the Headland Hotel and realising that exact wave would never happen again. The episode closes with a powerful reframe: the question was never really "is this all there is?" The question was always "am I paying attention?"

Memorable Quotes from This Episode

"That question is not a sign that something's wrong with you. It might actually be one of the most important questions you've ever asked." — Steven Webb

"You are not ungrateful. You're not broken. You are not having some kind of crisis." — Steven Webb

"Not knowing didn't become a wall. It became a window." — Steven Webb

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." — Rumi

"In beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in an expert's mind there are few." — Shunryu Suzuki

"The magic is in not knowing. The magic is in the fact that right now, in this moment, you are a conscious being in an incomprehensibly vast universe, and you have no idea why. And to me, that's not depressing. That's breathtaking." — Steven Webb

"The question was never really, is this all there is? The question was always, am I paying attention?" — Steven Webb

Try This Today

Next time the "is this it?" feeling visits you, don't push it away. Go outside or look out of a window. Pick one thing: a tree, a cloud, a bird, a wave. And look at it as if you've never seen it before. Because in a very real sense, you haven't. That exact moment, that exact configuration of light and shadow, has never existed before and will never exist again. Let yourself be bewildered by it.

Supporter Thanks

This podcast is completely free and has no adverts or sponsors. It is made possible entirely by the kind people who treat Steven to a coffee. Every contribution pays for the podcast and supports all of Steven's work.

A huge and heartfelt thank you to this episode's supporters: Angie, Helen, Suja, Suzanne, Lorna, Liz, Daphne, Sarah, Mikey, Jen, and Venetia. And to the monthly supporters: Joe, Audra, Sin, Jack, Glen, Barb, and Venetia. Thank you also to the wonderful supporters on Insight Timer.

If this episode helped you, please consider buying Steven a coffee. Even one makes a difference.

About Steven Webb

Steven Webb is a meditation teacher, former Mayor of Truro, and C5 tetraplegic. He has spent decades learning what it means to find peace in the most difficult circumstances. Through Stillness in the Storms, he offers honest, warm conversations to help people navigate life's hardest moments. Through Inner Peace Meditations, he provides guided meditations as companions to each episode.

Find out more and explore all of Steven's work at stevenwebb.uk

Connect

Website: https://stevenwebb.uk

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Hello, and welcome to stillness in the storms. I'm Steven Webb, and I want you to imagine something, just for a moment.

A butterfly lands on a railing just in front of you, and its wings are impossibly detailed, the colors you didn't even know existed. And it's just. It just sits there still. And for a second, everything else disappears. When was the last time that that happened to you?

When was the last time something ordinary stopped you in your tracks and made you feel like you're seeing the world for the very first time? Because today we're talking about a question that I think almost everyone has felt, but very few people say out loud.

It usually shows up late at night or in the car on the way home or in the middle of a particularly, I don't know, perfectly fine Tuesday. And it whispers, is this all there is? If you've ever thought that.

And everything you've done in life and everything you've built, everything you've achieved, and there's that quiet ache underneath it all. This episode is for you. And I want to tell you something. Right from the start, that question is not a sign that something's wrong with you.

It might actually be one of the most important questions you've ever asked. So let me take you back to my hospital bed. I was 18 years old and I just broken my neck. And I was lying in bed completely unable to move.

At that time, I could not even move my arms. I couldn't feel any of my body below my neck. And I had 15 pounds of weight hanging off the top of my head.

I had a tracheotomy, so I couldn't even speak out loud. The only communication I would have is the way I would look at a nurse or whoever was helping me. And I would do one tap for yes and two taps for no.

And when you're in a situation like that, you have a lot of time to think. And I mean a lot of time to think. I was either sleeping or thinking or just really trying to work out life. There's no phone to scroll.

This was so long ago. There was very little I could do. We had the four channels on TV that I could see in a little mirror. So there was a lot of time to think about.

And it's just you and your thoughts. And two questions started rattling around in my mind, going around and around and around. And the first one was, who am I? Who am I lying here?

Who am I in the bigger picture of things? And the second was, is this it? What if this is it? What if not Just on the basis of being paralyzed. Is this it?

I'm going to spend the rest of my life in bed, but is this the whole of life? Now, the who am I? Question felt quite profound. It felt deep and philosophical and quite important. But is this it?

That one was almost embarrassing because it felt like I was selfish. It seems shallow. And is this all there is? Is this all that I am? Is this really what life comes down to?

And those questions wouldn't leave me alone, so they kept circling. And is this it for humanity? Is this the planet? Is this the universe? Just it? What is there beyond the universe? What is there before the universe?

All these questions. Did we really evolve from nothing? Is there a God? If there's a God, why am I lying here? All these really deep questions just kept rattling around.

And given the fact that I was 17, I should have been out getting drunk, I should have been having fun, I should have been planning my material life. I was stuck with these deep questions. And those two questions, they don't haunt me today, but they're still there.

And the fact that they're still there means that they're decent questions. They're good questions. And I'll come back to what I discovered. But first, let's talk about why this question visits so many of us.

And especially, I think, especially in midlife. So here's the thing with Is this all there is? It tends to arrive at the most inconvenient times.

Not so much when your life is falling apart because you're busy just trying to keep things together. Nope. This question sneaks in when things normally are fine.

You've already raised your family, you've done all the things, and you've lined up half your ducks, so you're doing better than you thought you would. And that's what makes it so confusing, I think. And because on paper, everything is fine, maybe even good.

But inside, there's that quiet restlessness, a sense of something is missing. And because life looks fine on the outside, you feel almost guilty for even thinking it. You might even tell yourself, which I do as well.

Now, I've been ungrateful. You're being ungrateful. Thinking you might push the feeling away and get on with your day.

You might even look at other people are going through and think, what right do I have to feel this way? So if you're feeling this question right now, or you have done the last few weeks, I want you to hear what I'm going to say something really clearly.

You are not ungrateful. You're not Broken. You are not having some kind of crisis. You are asking the question that I think human beings have asked for thousands of years.

Philosophers, monks, poets, scientists, crazy people, everybody. I think this question is as old as consciousness itself.

And the fact that you're asking it means something is waking up inside of you, perhaps, or something is not shutting down.

I really think when you're younger, you're building, you're climbing, you're collecting, you're building your career and your relationships, your home, your children, you've always got something that your promotion, there's something you're working towards next.

And there's always a goal, there's always a milestone, even if it's just to have a break, there's always something around the corner that you're looking forward to. And that forward momentum carries us for so many years. And that's fine. That's kind of what we do, that's what humans do.

But somewhere around midlife or something starts to shift. The kids grow up, their career plateaus or changes, the body starts to remind you that it won't do this forever.

And then suddenly the forward momentum just slows right down and just enough for you to look around and ask, is this really all there is? What is this all for?

Carl Jung talked about this so eloquently, and he said about the first half of life is about building the ego, building your place in the world, but the second half is about turning inward. It's about meaning, it's about the soul, if you want to use that word or whatever word you want to call it, that's something inside.

And the transition between those two halves. That's where this question is. Is this it? It's not a crisis. I just think. I think it's an invitation.

At this point, I just want to pause and say something important. This podcast has no adverts, there's no sponsors. Nobody is paying me to sell you anything.

The only reason I can keep doing this is because stillness in the storms and inner peace meditations exist because of kind people that treat me to a coffee. Those small donations pay for everything, so they keep the podcast going. So thank you so much to all of them.

So a huge heartfelt thank you this week for this episode goes to Angie, Helen, Suja, Suzanne, Lorna, Liz, Daphne, Sarah, Mikey, Jen, and the monthly ones, Joe, Audra, Sin, Jack, Glenn, Barb and Venetia. Thank you so much, guys. You are awesome.

And I've also got to say a big thank you to my wonderful supporters on Insight Timer, because they do donate as well, but I'm not sure I'm allowed to bring their names out here. Anyway.

But if this episode is helping you today, if these conversations mean something to you, perhaps consider buying a coffee or share it or leave a review. That'd be amazing. Thank you. The link is in the show notes. Stevenwebbb.uk Anyway, right, let's get back to it. So I was there.

18 years old, hospital bed, two questions going around in my head. Who am I? And is this it? And here's where something unexpected happened. Over time, I sat there with those questions and I realized the is this it?

Question wasn't shallow at all. In fact, it turned out to be one of the deeper questions of the tomb.

Because when you really follow that question, and you follow all the threads all the way down, you let yourself sit with, is there. Is this all there is? And it doesn't lead you to despair or it didn't lead me to despair. It leads me to this place of mystery. And think about it.

Is this all there is? Well, we don't actually know. We really don't. And we don't know if we're alone in the universe. We don't know if what consciousness is.

We don't know what happens after we die. We don't know why there's something rather than nothing.

The biggest, most fundamental questions about existence, we haven't answered a single one of them. I found that just really exciting. Not all the time. Sometimes when it comes up, it freaks me right out. It is.

Other times, because it led to an opening, it becomes a window. Sounds a bit corny, but it becomes a window. And the name of that window isn't ignorance, it's wonder.

And I love that because that's exactly what happened to me on the hospital bed. And it happens to me quite regularly. The not knowing didn't become a wall. It didn't become. It became a window.

And through that lens, I could see that life was way bigger than I could ever imagine. And when you think you know, the world shrinks. It becomes predictable, routine, gray.

But when you genuinely sit with the fact that you don't know when you really let that land, the world cracks wide open. Suddenly you're seeing the world through beginner's eyes.

And this is what I want to share with you today, because I think it's the key to everything, especially when it comes to seeing the bigger picture and those little bits of joy. The 13th century poet Rumi put it in six words that I think are worth more than probably entire books.

He said, sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. Think about that for a moment.

When we spend our whole lives trying to be clever, trying to know, trying to have the answers, trying to understand the categories that explain everything, putting everybody in a box. What Rumi's saying, gently, with all his cleverness, is actually getting away from all of that. What we really need is be Wilderman again.

We need to be astonished, to stand in front of life with our mouths open again, like children. And like. Just like we did when we were four years old and we suddenly seen.

I heard a story about a girl, she was about three and a half, and she was staying in a caravan. And she looked out through the window, and suddenly she realized what she was seeing out the window was the same as outside the door.

And she'd run to the door and look, and she'd run to the window and look, and she was, like, amazed. And in that moment, you're truly alive. And there's this beautiful idea in Zen Buddhism that captures this perfectly.

A teacher, Shunro Suzuki, said that in beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in an expert's mind, there are few. When your mind's empty of all the things you think you already know, it's open to everything, it's ready for everything.

But the moment you decide that you've got it all figured out, the world gets really small. I know. Especially in my 30s, I thought I had religion all figured out. Now it's all a mystery. I have no idea.

It's way above my pay grade, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with not knowing. And when you look at the world through these innocent eyes, these children's eyes, everything is new.

The first time a child sees a butterfly land in front of them, it's magic to them. Absolutely magic. The colors, the movement, the possibilities, the delicacy of the wings.

The first time they see a rainbow appear across the sky, their whole face lights up. And they look at you because they want you to share that same amazement. Look. And then if you're not in the right frame of mind, you might look back.

Yeah, it's a rainbow. And they're like, no, it's magic. It's mystery. It's like, wow, this is, like, phenomenal. Because they have no framework for it yet.

They have no knowledge of it. They haven't closed their minds to it, because it's the first time they haven't filed it away as just a butterfly or just a rainbow.

It's all brand new. It's all Miracles and bewilderment. And that's what we got to sell our cleverness for. It's available to all of us.

And somehow along the way, we lose that. We categorize everything. We label it, we file it away, we move on. We stop seeing, we stop wondering.

And when the wonder drains out, that's when we ask, is this all there is? But I don't think it's a dead end. I really do think it's a doorway.

It's a time in your life when you can really start flipping the building your empire to opening your empire, opening your heart, opening your eyes. Because here's the truth. Our eyes can only see a tiny fraction of a light spectrum. Our ears can only hear a narrow range of sound.

Everything we know about the world, we only know through these incredibly limited bodies. We're sensing the universe through a pinhole, and yet we walk around as if we've got everything sorted, that we can see the whole picture.

Let's be honest, we haven't got a clue. There are colors we will never see, sounds we will never hear, dimensions perhaps, that we can't even imagine.

Some people who are blind and deaf develop senses that the rest of us can barely comprehend. And the world is so much bigger, so much stranger, and so much more extraordinary than any of us can realize.

And when you really, truly take that in, when you genuinely let yourself feel the weight of just how much we don't know, I think something shifts. That question. The question is this all there is transforms into some kind of source of wonder. Is this all there is? No, absolutely not. Not even close.

So how does this help you to. On Tuesday afternoon when you're feeling a bit flat and wondering at that point is all this is.

Here's what I would suggest next time the question visits, the next time you feel a little. Is this it? Don't push it away, sit with it. Don't feel guilty about it.

And don't try to answer it with logic or try to do a to do list or a new hobby and build stuff. Instead, try this. Just go outside or look out the window and pick one thing, just one.

A tree, a cloud, a bird, and just look at it as if you've never seen it before, because in a very real sense, you haven't. This exact moment, this exact configuration of light shadow has never been there before and it would never be there again.

I went for a meal at the Headland Hotel a couple of three weeks ago, and I said to who I was there with, I said, look at those Waves? Yeah. I said, that wave will never happen again. Like that. Yes, a wave. I said, no, not just a wave. It's that wave. And you've seen it.

You were there to witness it, witness that moment in all the universe, in all the configurations. It would never happen again. Every single moment is just so unrepeatable. Every single moment is brand new.

And I'm really laboring the case here, but it's really true. And the only real reason we don't feel the magic of what is because we've stopped looking. We filed everything away as it's just a wave.

We've convinced ourselves that we already know what the tree looks like, what the rain sounds like, what the air smells like after a storm. And this is where? Is this all there is becomes, I think, the most beautiful question in the world.

Because the honest answer is we have absolutely no idea.

And if that doesn't wake you up to something, the mystery, the knowledge, and I'm talking about afterlife and God and religion and your religion or no religion, it's all still a mystery. It doesn't matter which. I want to say one more thing about this because I know some of you will be thinking about the big questions.

What happens if we die? Is there a God? Is there an afterlife? And is there anything beyond what we can see? And I want to be honest with you, I don't know.

And neither does anyone else, no matter how confidently they may speak. Nobody has the answers to those questions.

But here's what I've come to feel lying in the hospital bed as a teenager and through all the decades since. Whether you believe there's nothing after this or whether you have faith in something beyond the invitation is the same. Be here now.

See the wonder now, feel the mystery now. Because the magic isn't waiting for you somewhere else. The magic is in not knowing. The magic is in the fact.

Right now, in this moment, you are a conscious being in an incomprehensibly vast universe, and you have no idea why. And to me, that's not depressing, that's breathtaking. So here's what I'd love for you to take away from today's episode.

That quiet question, is there all there is not a sign as ingratitude or failure. It's a sign that something inside of you is reaching for more.

Not more stuff, not more achievements, but more depth, more wonder, more presence, more nourishment. And the answer to the question is this. We don't know if this is all there is. And that's not a problem. That's a gift.

See the world with fresh eyes today, even just for a moment. Because when you do, you'll realize the question was never really is this all there is? The question was always am I paying attention?

Thank you for being here with me. I'm Steven Webb, and if this episode meant something to you, please share. Please give it a like or a star and please leave a review.

And if you do have the ability to treat me to a coffee, that'd be amazing. And I say thank you to all of you that do. On behalf of all of you that cannot. The link is in the show notes.

Stevenwebb.uk until next time, take care of yourself. Please stay curious and I love you.