What does it mean to raise Badass Humans? Kat Mullin, author of Raising Badass Humans, shares her experiences of parenting in its perfect imperfection and invites us into her definition of what it means to have the honour of Raising Badass Humans. 

To be badass, according to Kat is to be Brave, Authentic, Decisive, Accepting, Strong, and  Supportive.

In this conversation with Kat, we talk about the awareness that we develop as parents, the ups an downs of our own journey, and the value of being authentically you as a model to your children. 

We also talk about the value and importance of:

- Quality time

- Embracing emotions

- Saying NO to labels

- And the freedom of choice

Purchase your copy of Raising Badass Humans right here: https://www.amazon.ca/Raising-Badass-Humans-Intentional-Intelligence/dp/B0BNDTSF1Y/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2MUAM56MJYISQ&keywords=Raising+badass+humans&qid=1669741287&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIxLjAyIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=raising+badass+humans%2Caps%2C148&sr=8-2

About the Guest:

Hi! I’m Kat!

I am a Self-awareness coach and communication expert with over 20 years in the personal development industry.

My passion to serve others has led me to become a Holistic Health Practitioner, Certified Massage Therapist, Reiki Master Practitioner, Master NLP Breakthrough Coach, Master Practitioner of Time Line Therapy, and Published Author.

Being a mom to 3 amazing souls has provided her with the greatest lessons in this life.

Want to Raise your own badass humans? Buy the book here!

https://www.amazon.ca/Raising-Badass-Humans-Intentional-Intelligence/dp/B0BNDTSF1Y/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2MUAM56MJYISQ&keywords=Raising+badass+humans&qid=1669741287&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIxLjAyIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=raising+badass+humans%2Caps%2C148&sr=8-2

Please follow me on the Socials for more tips on Raising Badass Humans!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachkatmullin/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coach_kat_mullin

About the Host:

Tanya's mission is to create a legacy of self-love for women that reinforces trust in themselves through our programs, coaching, podcast, and book, The Trifecta of Joy! As Founder and creator of the Trifecta of Joy Philosophy, she combines over 30 years of research and work in various helping fields, to help you achieve your greatest successes!

Using her philosophy of the Trifecta of Joy, her mission is to empower people through their struggles with the elements of awareness, befriending your inner critic and raising your vibe. This podcast is about sharing stories of imperfection moving through life to shift toward possibilities, purpose, and power in your life!

Having had many wtf moments including becoming a widow, struggling with weight and body image issues, dating after loss, single parenting, remarriage, and blending families, Tanya is committed to offering you inspiration and empowerment – body, mind, and spirit!

As a speaker, writer, and coach, Tanya steps into her life’s purpose daily – to INSPIRE HOPE.

Order your copy of the Trifecta of Joy – HELP yourself in a world of change right here.

Get in touch with Tanya and follow the fun and inspiration in other places too!

www.perfectlyimperfect.wtf 

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https://www.linkedin.com/in/tanya-gill-695aa358/

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https://www.tiktok.com/@perfectlyimperfect.wtf?lang=en

Hugs, Hip Bumps, and Go ahead and SHINE!

Xo Tanya

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Oh friends welcome to the trifecta of joy. I am so thrilled to share our guests with you. Kat Mullins is a self awareness coach and communication expert with over 20 years in the personal development industry. Her passion is to serve others as a holistic health practitioner, a certified massage therapist, Reiki Master Practitioner, master NLP breakthrough coach, Master Practitioner of timeline therapy, and a published author. Kat, I'm so glad you're here.

I am so excited. Tanya, thank you for having me.

Okay, we have to talk about this book, raising badass humans.

That's my goal.

That's your goal. And that is the title of your book. And like, and I have to admit that I have been fortunate enough to see your manuscript because it hasn't been published yet. By the time this airs, it will be published, but it hasn't been published yet. And, and I have to, I have to say that what I love, there's so many things I love, but what I love is how authentic you are about your own challenges as a parent. And yet, you talk about what it means to be a badass human. Badass means brave, authentic, decisive, accepting, strong and supportive. That's badass. Human is honest, unstoppable, mindful, accountable, and non judgmental. And, and you go on to say a badass human is a person who lives their truth, not society's truth, not their family's truth, not their friend's truth, not an organization's truth, their

truth 100%. And that is not an easy thing to do in this world.

That is not an easy thing to do in this world. It really isn't. So I've got to ask, like, what was this pivotal moment in your life that made you decide that your job was not just to raise badass humans, but also help others raise badass humans.

So a few years ago, my husband and I were going through some very toxic patterns. And I saw the damage it was doing to my kids. And that just wasn't acceptable. Like, I knew I grew up, not in the best environment wasn't horrible. I had a good childhood, but there definitely wear things about it that did not allow me to live my truth. And I always said, my main goal was for my kids to be comfortable in their skin, because I wasn't. And then we had kids. And I saw how hard it is to actually raise them to be comfortable if I'm still not. And my husband and I were just we were really struggling both of us separately with our own patterns that were handed down to us. And then together, clashing, big time and I saw my kids starting to become depressed. people pleasers, anxious. And I was just like, This is not acceptable at all. And my husband, I actually had to separate so that I could start working on myself. And he did as well. But the very pivotal moment was the night we separated, where I just said, this isn't enough. The kids can't witness us fighting anymore, in this toxic way. They had witnessed, sometimes, you know, we were able to, quote unquote, fight in a very healthy way, and see us come together and work everything out. But it had just been getting more and more toxic. So I left with the kids. And I said this is it. I'm starting my healing journey. And I'm doing this for the kids and for myself, that is what had to happen. And that is fine. Because we we grew so much in that time, all of us. And I started to see what I needed to do, how I needed to be self aware and take accountability for my part in things not just blame him for everything and be present with my kids. That was the biggest thing connecting with them on a personal level,

honoring their experience of what was happening.

Exactly. And just letting them know that each mattered individually.

Wow. So as you moved through these challenges, what inspired you to decide to write a book about raising badass humans?

It's started with I've always wanted to write a book I just always have. But I had all that self doubt, I'm not a good enough writer, you know, who wants to hear my message? Who am I? First, I started a Facebook group called date your kids. Active, but it's, it's not my main focus anymore. It is still an active Facebook group. But that was the first thing I did was start that group to encourage other parents to, to be fully present with their kids to take their kids on dates, just one on one. Especially when you have multiple kids, it's so important because you don't ever at home, get that alone time. So I committed to once a month taking each kid on a separate date, spending a few hours with them doing what they wanted to do. So they knew I valued what they were interested in. And I wanted to encourage other parents to do that. And then I started just sharing like stories of emotional challenges. We were having inspirational memes and stuff like that, and just my way of parenting. And somebody actually said, you really should write a book on all of this. Gosh, I would love to. And it took until this year where I finally said, You know what? I'm doing it. For you. This out there for everyone. For you.

And you know, the thing about it is is parenting is complicated. It is complex. It is no kid is born identical. Even identical twins. Like I mean, my bonus kids are identical twins, but they are very different human beings. Right. And so every kid is unique. And God knows, they certainly do not come with a manual and how to raise them. Right. And so, you know, like, I think so many of us are worried about our kids, we're worried about how they're interacting with their world, what they're learning about themselves. And I think we also worry that we are handing down some of our own stuff, if you will, on to them. And, and that is I think for some of us, it scares us. And I think others of us, we are like, Hey, this is an awareness that I need to be intentional in how I parent. And they're, you know, and I'll be the first to admit, I have read so many parenting books over the years, because I really, it's important to me to be the best parent I can be. And I also know that I'm so perfectly imperfect, right? And being able to say, you know, I really I don't, you know, I really don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing my best. And I want my kids to be badass humans who own their truth. Right. And that's what's so beautiful about your book, like what is so beautiful about it is the way that you describe and I just, I have to just get to this. I love the way you describe with vulnerability. Some of the interactions you've had with your own kids, where your kids have said, Mom, could you please not yell at me in front of my friends?

That brought tears. But yeah, that was a pivotal moment for sure. Because you know, we're all human. None of us are perfect. But that was one of the patterns that was handed down to me was I come from a long line of screamers. And I swore to God if I ever got the chance to be a parent, because we struggled to become parents that I would never, ever raise my voice to my child. But you don't know how deeply ingrained it is until you're in the situation. And having children triggered all of that for me. And all my anger that I thought I had gotten over. But I had really shoved down because I didn't actually work on it. I just kind of ran away from it. All started coming back up. And I was screaming horribly at my poor little kids. And when she said that to me. I just stopped in my tracks and was like what? F like, oh my god, like I didn't scream at them in public but at home like way too often. Obviously not all the time, but enough that I knew it was an issue and a problem that I had to work on. And when she said that it was just a lightbulb moment of wow, this is really affecting her. She's embarrassed. She's ashamed. I have to figure out how to stop this. You have to figure out how Stop this. And you know,

owning those those feelings of recognizing that this stuff has come up for you. This is where you're at. This is the moment of parenting where you're like, Oh, dear, this is I'm I am repeating patterns that I swore I wouldn't. And I have to find a path forward. So what would you say? What would you offer to a parent? How would you how would you invite a parent to move through that experience for themselves?

The best thing I did for myself, because I was reading tons of parenting books, too, and they would help temporarily. The biggest thing I did for myself was to hire life coaches, and to get to my issues at the subconscious level, and break those patterns there. Because we don't realize how deep they go. And just, it helped to have friends to talk to who were like, Oh, my gosh, I lost it on my kids today. And I feel horrible. That always helped to know I wasn't alone, when I've rarely did the inner work, to break these patterns, at the subconscious level, and to learn to love myself, to learn to understand that it's okay to not be perfect. It's okay that I've messed up. And I can love myself and respect myself and move forward. And I tell my kids all the time, look, I'm perfect perfection is a lie. Give me grace, I'll give you grace, we're all going to make mistakes. And we're going to get through it together.

And we're gonna get through it together. And we're going to get through it together. Cat, how old are your kiddos?

They are 12, nine, and almost seven. So you so you've

got you've got a range of kiddos, and you're really you know, at this point, you're moving into the teenage years. And so there's going to be more things coming. And I know that, you know, when I was reading your book, it's broken down into four sections, right? The first section you've already talked a little bit about is like quality time. We've also talked about embracing those emotions a little bit. But one of the things that I loved was what you said about labels. Let's talk a little bit about saying no to labels.

Labels are huge. People just don't even know they're doing it. Like it's just such a subconscious thing. Because we've grown up just constantly giving people labels. And what parents have to really think about is kids are always evolving, they're always changing, to allow them to go through these different experiences in life without labeling them without saying, Oh, you're shy, you're a brat. You're bad at math, whatever it is, like, You're a bad student. When you label these kids, it puts them in a box. And they're not allowed to fully reach their full potential because they believe what you tell them about themselves. Oh my god. 100%. Well, and

here's the thing, like, you know, in the work that I do in in the trifecta of joy, I talk about the inner critic, right. And the inner critic is, is, is trying to serve you stew from your childhood. And it's those labels that we're talking about. So we know that some of our own limiting beliefs are from labels that were applied to us, however, many years ago. So we need to be mindful of the labels that we are putting on our kids and how that will impact their box now,

and in the future. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because I believed everything that was told to me, and I'm not that person. It's just, it's wild, how ingrained it gets in them. And like you said, it becomes their inner critic. It's how they judge themselves. It's how the outside world is going to judge them. And that's not fair because they're not that person. A child does not their behavior.

You know, and that is such an important statement. One of the things of course, in the social work world that I come from, is you know, we talk about children and behaviors and, and unfortunately, a lot of kids come with labels because of their experiences because of their death. furring abilities and those kinds of things. But then we are also throwing other labels on top. And again, that is that is not who the child is. Right? That is not who the child is. And so what you're describing is that, you know, like, there, they are not defined by their experiences, they are defined by their being.

Exactly. And it's, it's hard to not believe, because that's what you're used to. And I caught myself doing it calling one of my daughter's shy and then reinforcing that and she got shyer until I realized, wait a second, what am I doing to this poor kid? You know, and then started asking or like, do you want to say, Hi? Do you want to place your order at the restaurant? Do you know like, instead of just assuming Oh, she's shy, I'll do it for her. And then she was able to start blossoming.

That invitation into that space for herself. Hey.

Absolutely.

Amazing. Amazing. Okay. So I've got to ask, as this book is getting ready to be published, what was the hardest part for you in writing it?

Well, the hardest part for me, was living it as I write it, to stay true to everything I was writing, and be present with my kids. Because I was so into the book and wanting to, you know, write it and get it out there. And then they I homeschool. So they're home all the time with me. They'd come in and be like, hey, I need this. And I'm like, no rewrites the writing section in the bugging go. Oh, yeah. I just totally told my kid to go away. Okay, pause book. Let's go. Okay, what did you need, I'm sorry. But it was, it was really hard to do, like, I missed some of the monthly dates, because I just was not able that month to do both. And it was really important to get this out. And of course, I talked to them about that. And they understood, and we've been doing the monthly dates for years. And if we miss a month here and there, it happens. Some months are busier than others, but we do our best to do it every. But yeah, it was alright. And what I hear is

that you are communicating differently about it too, right? Like you recognizing that it's still important, and that it will happen. But right now we've got to shift some priorities in the interim. And this is what it looks like. That's why, and that's what I call harmony, right? Identifying where that energy needs to go. And being able to communicate along the way is the harmony, right? Because when we try to have balance, which I should,

because your Harmony description is beautiful, and I laughed at the balances bullshit, because the I never thought of it that way. Now, it's hard to balance all aspects of life at once. It is

it is and we think balance is like something we should be striving for. But in reality, it's about a shift in priorities and flow in order to create harmony. That's what I say. And and so what you did, what you've done, though, is you've modeled that with your kids, right? So that is the element of role modeling that that you offer. And what I love about this book is it gives your readers me as a parent, reminders of the importance of the awareness of my parenting and who I am as a parent, and how I can positively affect the future of my own humans as they grow into adulthood.

That's beautiful. Thank you.

It is it's a beautiful, it's a beautiful book. I have to ask though. I have to ask, why did you decide to name it? Raising badass humans.

Badass became our family word. We it started. Five years ago now. I started bringing my kids hiking. My husband had a job in San Diego where we lived. And we were in the process of moving to Las Vegas. So me and the kids moved to Las Vegas when the house was ready, but my husband had to finish his job for five months more in San Diego. And so I was alone with the kids for the first time, all the time. And my favorite thing to do was hike but I hadn't really been bringing them to do it. And I was like well, we live right next to Mount Charleston. It's a gorgeous mountain. That's where we're spending our days. It's like 25 degrees cooler up there compared to Vegas. So we would go there a lot. And I was so impressed at the time, they were only seven, four and one and a half. Oh, wow, badass hikers. They would be encouraging me, Come on mom, we're gonna make it to the waterfall don't give up. Like, where did these kids come from? It's amazing. And I just started calling them. I just started saying, Well, you guys are badass. And that kind of stuck and became like our motto to be badass. Yeah, we just kind of ran with it, it became our family word. We called ourselves the badass hiking family. And then it just kept modeling. And then I started thinking, What does badass mean to me, and it meant somebody lives in their truth. And that's who I want my kids to be. So I was like, Alright, I'm gonna race badass humans. And then when it came time to write the book, I struggled with it, because I knew it would keep me out of certain areas that I wouldn't be accepted on.

Right? Some people think that acid is a bad word,

that word OR it means you know that the kids that they're bad people or something like that, but to me, my meaning of it. And my definition is somebody who stands in their truth. And that's what I want my kids to be. And I realized it would attract the right people to me.

People who want to raise badass humans, right? As people who want to raise badass humans, okay, now I want to go back to badass because badass, does mean brave authentic, decisive, accepting, strong and supportive. Of those words, which one do you think is the most important?

Authentic your authentic self

Let's just sit with ullbecause authenticity. I mean, I could cry. I agree. So Kat, why is authenticity so important to you?

As I grew up, not being able to be myself, I was told how to fail, how to think what to do. I'm the youngest of seven kids. And my mom was a single mom for most of it. And it was not easy on her. So she had to work a lot of jobs. She wasn't around a lot. My older siblings had to step up, and they were in a mental mind space to do that. So I was just constantly told who I should be, how I should fail. what to think. And told my opinions were wrong. And I didn't realize that opinions can't be wrong. I was very much talked to like, if you don't agree with me, you're wrong. And I just, I really lost 100% lost sight of who I was, by the time I was ready to start dating. I just took on my boyfriend's personality. Oh, he likes not that. I like that. And looking back at it, there's so many things about him I disagreed with. How could I even for a second think that was true to me. But I was so convinced that I just had to be somebody else so that I could be long and fit in and be loved. And so now

as you experience life as your authentic self, I hear that it is so important that your kids have the opportunity to be their authentic selves always.

And it's the most important thing to me as a parent. My kids need to know they have a voice because I didn't have fun. And you can tell it brings me to tears even thinking about it. But it is 100% Of course there's a battle there because I still have to be the parent and I still my ego gets in the way sometimes open I can stop and I can breathe and I remind myself they have a right to disagree with me they have a voice. They get to have their own opinions and teach them that everybody else gets their own opinion to its

degree right. It is okay to disagree 100% So, Kat, I love this book. I love what you are putting out into the world. How can people find out more about you the work you're doing and get your book.

They can follow me on Facebook and Instagram on Instagram. I am Coach Kat Mullins. on Facebook. I have a Facebook page called Kat Mullins self awareness coach and communication expert that they can like and follow. And I will be putting the links out to the book as soon as it's ready.

Beautiful, beautiful. So everyone can stay tuned for the link for the book. And hopefully by the time this airs, we will have the link to put in the show notes. That would be so amazing.

Yes, definitely. I will give it to you as soon as I have it.

Thank you. Okay, one last thing. Yeah, our listeners are getting ready to close out this podcast, what is one piece of advice you would give to a parent who worries about how they are parenting their kiddos?

The best piece of advice I can give is to look inward. To be your child's best example, by working on yourself first, by allowing your own emotions and letting them see that you have emotions. And that's okay. Let them see that you get angry and sad. Because so many parents think they have to be strong for their kids, and always be fine. And kids know when you're not fine. So tell them yeah, I'm sad today. And that's okay. I'm allowing it. I'm failing it and I'm gonna get through it. Let them see that. Let them know that you're constantly working on you to be a better person, a better version of yourself at all times. Be that model for them.

Be the model of working on yourself first, and making sure that you are modeling what self love is? Yes. With authenticity, let them authenticity Yes, yes, yes. Right. Oh my gosh. Oh, Kat. This is such a beautiful conversation. I am so grateful that you were able to come and tell us about your book, raising badass humans soon to be available on Amazon, too. I know. Oh, listeners, thank you for listening and joining Kat and I for an awesome conversation. I hope that it inspires you to not only get cat's book, but also remember that it is a gift to be able to raise badass humans from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being here. And remember, this podcast was brought to you by perfectly imperfect life coaching. All my love.

Well, thank you so much for having me.

Thank you, Kat. You're awesome.