This podcast episode speaks on the critical emergence of a new model of leadership, one that champions the voices and wisdom of women. Our distinguished guest, Marget de Bruyn, a seasoned entrepreneur and leadership coach, offers profound insights into how women can unlock their potential and navigate pivotal decisions in their personal and professional lives. Through her signature coaching program, Margret empowers women to confront limiting beliefs and cultivate a life that resonates with their true desires. The conversation delves into the often-overlooked significance of setting boundaries, emphasizing that these boundaries serve to foster one's own well-being rather than merely controlling others.

Takeaways:

• The podcast highlights the importance of amplifying women's voices and leadership styles in today's society, recognizing that a new model of leadership is emerging.
• Margret de Bruyn, the guest on the show, emphasizes the significance of self-awareness and setting boundaries to achieve personal and professional success.
• Through her coaching, Margret empowers women to navigate pivotal decisions and overcome limiting beliefs, ultimately creating lives they truly love.
• The discussion underlines the necessity for women to connect with their power and pleasure, and how these elements are integral to their leadership potential.
• The episode stresses the need for women to embrace their power unapologetically, as this is essential for authentic leadership and self-advocacy.
• Listeners are encouraged to reevaluate their roles as caretakers and to understand how these dynamics can impede their personal growth and leadership effectiveness.

Chapters:

03:39 The Importance of Boundaries in Leadership

12:07 Owning Your Power

20:40 Understanding Attachment Styles in Communication

25:00 The Role of Caretaking in Relationships

32:54 The Power Paradox: Embracing Our Strength

35:49 Empowering Women to Own Their Power

Burning Questions Answered:

1.How can women step into leadership without losing themselves in the process?

2.Why are boundaries essential for success, and how do they empower rather than restrict?

3.What role do limiting beliefs play in holding women back, and how can they be overcome?

Favorite Quotes:

"Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out; they’re about protecting your energy and purpose." – Margret de Bruyn

"Women don’t need permission to lead. They need to own their power unapologetically."

"The moment you stop seeing yourself as ‘too much’ is the moment you step into your true strength.

Closing Thoughts:

This episode is a wake-up call for women who are ready to step into leadership on their own terms. Margret de Bruyn challenges us to rethink the stories we tell ourselves about power, caretaking, and self-worth. If you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next move, this conversation is your permission slip to embrace your full potential—boldly and unapologetically.

OFFERS & CONTACT INFORMATION:

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/margret-de-bruyn  

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/margret.debruyn 

Instagram: https://www.instgram.com/margret.debruyn 

Website:  https://coachmdb.com/ 

Follow the #WisdomOfWomen show for more inspiring stories and insights from trailblazing women founders, investors, and experts in growth and prosperity.

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Coco Sellman, the host of #WisdomOfWomen, believes business is a force for good, especially with visionary women at the helm. With over 25 years of entrepreneurial experience, she has launched five companies and guided over 500 startups. As Founder & CEO of A Force for Good, Coco supports purpose-driven women founders in unlocking exponential growth and prosperity. Her recent venture, Allumé Home Care, reached eight-figure revenues and seven-figure profits in just four years before a successful exit in 2024. A venture investor and board director, Coco’s upcoming book, *A Force for Good*, reveals a roadmap for women to lead high-impact, high-growth companies.

Learn more about A Force for Good:

Website: https://aforceforgood.biz/ 

Are Your GROWING or PLATEAUING? https://aforceforgood.biz/quiz/

1-Day Growth Plan: https://aforceforgood.biz/free-plan/ 

FFG Tool of the Week: https://aforceforgood.biz/weekly-tool/ 

The Book:  https://aforceforgood.biz/book/ 

Growth Accelerator: https://aforceforgood.biz/accelerator/ 

Welcome to the Wisdom of Women show.

We are dedicated to amplifying the voice and wisdom of women.

A new model of leadership is emerging and we are here to amplify the voices of women leading the way.

I am your host, Coco Selman, five time founder, impact investor and creator of the Force for Good system.

Thank you for joining us today as we illuminate the path to unlocking opportunities and prosperity for women led enterprises by amplifying the voice and wisdom of women.

So today I have such a fun and wonderful guest to bring you all into your senses and help you feel excited and connected to your purpose and journey on this planet.

So today I have Margaret de Bruyne.

She is a dynamic entrepreneur, business strategist and leadership coach with over 25 years of experience.

Experience in building and scaling businesses.

From founding and growing multiple companies, including a thriving med spa, to coaching small business owners and women leaders.

Margaret specializes in helping entrepreneurs break through barriers and achieve success on their terms.

Through her signature coaching program, Love It, Leave it or Redefine It.

She empowers women to navigate pivotal decisions, overcoming limiting beliefs and create businesses and lives they truly love.

Margaret has extensive experience in marketing, strategic planning and leadership development.

And she's passionate about showing women how to blend business growth with personal fulfillment.

She believes success starts with mindset, clarity and confidence.

Welcome.

Thank you.

I am excited to be here.

I'm so excited to have you.

So let's get right into your book that you love that's inspired you and written by a woman.

Yeah.

So my book that.

And I have to say, like, I think, you know, again, sometimes it's timing right, when a book comes into your life.

But for me, it was Brene Brown's Braving the Wilderness.

I was about five months out of losing my mom and I was in a place where I was vulnerable and ready to do some healing.

And I have to say, I.

I joined this Brene Brown book club and we start with Braving of the Wilderness, which really isn't her first book to start with, but I love this book and I will tell you, and the group would tell you if they could.

I cried through the whole book, every chapter, I cried.

And this is a.

And I'm a person who doesn't cry.

Right.

So this was life changing.

I've been breeding the wilderness since I was a young woman and I didn't realize it, but it's such an important book to me, especially with what's going on in our world today and how there's so many challenges and we all have to stand in our truth.

She's got a chapter like, people are hard, right?

Get close.

And then there's another one, Speak Truth to Bullshit.

It's a book that really speaks to my soul.

I'm one of those people who's going to brave the wilderness.

Ah, I love that.

Brave the Wilderness by our outstanding Brene Brown.

Great book.

Thank you for that recommendation.

I know you mentioned vulnerability and I know that's a big part of your model of leadership and coaching.

So it doesn't surprise me.

I know that's a big part of what you.

You bring to the table.

I wanted to go right into want.

You and I had such a wonderful conversation a few weeks back and we talked about boundaries and the importance of setting boundaries.

Could you share some of your insights on the often overlooked truths about setting boundaries and how they can contribute to your life and to being a leader?

Exactly.

Thank you.

I never thought I would champion this topic.

I have books and books on this and somehow it's become my favorite topic when it really wasn't.

And the thing is funny, we started with vulnerability and we go into boundaries.

So I struggled for years with boundaries.

I'd be in these toxic relationships and my friends would say, you need to set boundaries.

Or I'd be at work and my family would be like, you need to set better boundaries at work so you have more time for us.

The reality was I was trying to set boundaries, but I didn't know there are prerequisites that must be in place in order for you to set a boundary.

And I didn't have those prerequisites checked off.

I was setting these boundaries, shaming myself for failing, feeling like I wasn't strong enough to hold people accountable, when the reality was I didn't have the tools to even begin starting to set boundaries.

I think it's really important that we understand that better boundaries aren't for other people.

It's not about keeping other people out or making them do what we want.

It's about us.

Right.

One of the ways that Bernay describes it, Brene Brown describes it, is we have to create the environment for us to be able to show up as our best selves.

What environment needs to be present for us to be our best self?

If you're setting a boundary to keep someone out, then that boundary is about them and not about you.

So it's no longer your boundary, it's theirs.

And it's not going to work because you can't.

That's not.

They didn't ask for that boundary Right.

So first of all, you got to start out with the prerequisites.

I think number one, you have to be in vulnerability.

Right.

And, and to me, there's so many different levels of vulnerability.

The easiest way to look at it is if you are sitting in a place where you have any kind of a defense wall, where you are armored up, where you are sitting in some level of fear.

Now don't get me wrong, we all have fear.

It's, you know, but if you are in a defensive posture and we know when we are, right, it looks like dissociation, it looks like disconnecting, not engaging, Just, you know, you're there, but you're not investing, you're not going to be able to set a boundary.

Simple as that.

Wow, that's really interesting and powerful.

Right.

Because it's all about what we're doing for ourselves.

It's our own internal and physical world practices and how we take responsibility for our own condition and well being.

Right.

When somebody steps over the boundary or somebody does something, then what, then what do you recommend in that situation?

Exactly.

And so here's the thing where we struggle or fail with our boundaries.

It's like, I'm going to stake this boundary and now someone's gone over it, now I have to enforce it.

Right.

So there is this huge fear around enforcing a boundary or getting pushed back from a boundary.

And I think this is where we get sometimes confused.

Well, I guess I would say there's levels so often it's like it's this or else, like you behave this way or I'm gonna leave you behave this way or I'm not gonna take care, you know, I'm not gonna run this project.

And that's really a boundary about them, not about you.

Right.

And so, you know, I think sometimes when we feel like it's going to be so difficult, we have to ask ourselves, who did we set that boundary for?

Right.

And I think that when it comes to if you are truly setting a boundary for you, such as I need to be able to work with people who want to work with me.

Yes.

And if you're not a collaborative person, we're not going to be good teammates.

This is the reality of I just can't work with you and we're not going to create a good project, therefore this isn't a good collaboration.

Right?

Yes.

I think where we struggle to hold boundaries or where we struggle to enforce boundaries because we don't realize they're not about us, we've created a boundary because of someone else.

For someone else.

And we're making it out of fear.

If either one of those situations are present, you will not be able to uphold that boundary.

Don't even try.

Just don't try.

I'm going to tell you, save yourself the shame and blame and guilt tripping.

It's not going to happen.

And so again, it's like coming back to yourself and finding out what is you and what's other.

And I know you and I have talked too about, about how important it is for us to be in our physical bodies and aware of our relationship with our physical bodies as well as with our, our pleasure, what our bodies feel and sense.

And so, and you are an expert in this area.

So how is a woman's relationship with her body and her relationship with pleasure related to her connection to power?

Because her power comes from here.

Her power is here.

And that is the thing is we are, I think for the whole, most women are not comfortable with power.

Yeah.

And the fact that we house the power.

Right.

And that quite honestly, when you are in dissociation, when you're numbing, you're disconnecting, you're not connecting to your partner, you've most importantly, not connected to you.

And that source of power and energy comes from within.

Pleasure is not an indulgence.

Right.

That is like, literally you're at orgasms.

Are you connecting to you?

It is the highest level of connection you have.

And the energy from that is your power.

And I think we miss that because again, we shift it to somebody else.

I, you know, I challenge you to think about this or to the audience to think about this.

How many times are you having sex with someone for their reasons, for their needs, to please them so that they don't bother you?

Like, how many times is it truly about you?

And then, you know, I hear women say, yes, but I'm in menopause.

And I, yeah, no, I'm going to tell you right now, there are so many women I know that say, oh, I'm in menopause, then they change partners or they get divorced and they're ready for some of that and they're like, where did my sex drive come from?

I'm not saying you might not need some testosterone and all of that, because all of a sudden once you go into menopause, everything goes in the trash.

It does, trust me.

I hit menopause at 25.

The thing is that your body and experiencing pleasure is about you, no one else.

We shouldn't be giving away our power when you have sex with someone because they want it and you don't.

They're one piece of your power.

When you're like, oh, he keeps nagging.

There's a little piece of your power.

Like, stop giving it away, because I, I.

And I'm not going to get in.

Like, it's.

To me, it's not about religion.

It's not about morals, ethics, whatever.

Like, the reality is, is.

Is that it's not.

I guess I don't look at it as our body is this, you know, sacred thing.

I look at it as our body is our power.

And if you are disconnected from yourself, then you're disconnected from your source of power.

Exactly.

Yeah.

You know, and I love that you think about this and that you incorporate it into the work you do, because it is this interesting way that we disconnect from ourselves.

Society has sort of created a recipe where the power of women has been contained and not appreciated.

And so we have downplayed it.

Even though, as you said, we are so powerful, even though we're often the smaller of the sexes, we're still formidable in all of our ways, and our bodies tell us so much.

And so when we're not connected, giving up our power, how is this connected to our ability to lead and manifest in the world?

Yeah.

So, I mean, if you don't own your power, it's kind of hard to lead.

You're faking it until you make it.

And so here's the thing is, in the workplace, women are challenged in a different way than men, and I would say much more often more difficultly to be seen to be our space.

Right.

Owning our space is a much greater challenge.

And if you don't own the power within you, how are you going to walk into a room and own your space in a book club?

I have.

We're doing.

We're doing Shonda Rhimes, year of yes.

And so in light of that, I'm binging or have binged, how to Get Away with Murder and Scandal.

What I love about her characters is they own it.

Whether it is Annalise Keating, whether, you know, it is Olivia Pope, they own the room.

They don't.

They have this absolute confidence.

And the thing is, is that we all have that in us.

Right?

They're not right all the time.

They mess up, but they sit in their confidence, in their belief about themselves.

And I really challenge how many women have that, because I, most people saw as a very confident person, independent person.

And I will tell you, I only recently came into absolute confidence where I can stand in a room and I am grounded and unshakable.

And, you know, I used to say, come at me.

And if they came at me, I'd charge back.

Right?

I would.

I would defend.

I could hold the fort.

Now I feel like you want to come at me.

I don't have time.

Sorry.

It's.

It's the aikido move, Right?

Right.

It's.

It's the.

It's the.

And why are you relevant?

Because you aren't trusting that what I know is enough.

And it's just such that thing, right?

And I'll say this just real quick.

Think about it.

When we're little girls, you know, or we're taught, like, get along with others, right?

So we state our opinion.

Someone challenges that opinion, and we're like, maybe we need to rethink our opinion.

We get small.

Instead of saying, I appreciate your opinion, but I'm going to stand in my truth because I know my truth to be my truth.

Or to say, great point.

I'd like to think about that and incorporate that in mind.

Do you see how it's a different stance to say, I can value you, but I'm going to value me too, by valuing you.

I'm not going to take away my power because we give it away.

It's a journey to get there, and it's awesome.

Such a journey.

You're bringing up this book by Chandra Rhimes, the Year of Yes, I think.

Is that what it's called?

Or something like that?

Yes, exactly.

And she talks about her decision to say yes for a year to things that are scary to her.

The journey begins not by being confident, but by saying, yes, I can do this.

Like, she was invited, but, like, she was invited to go speak at a.

Like, Obama or a.

Or something.

She was invited to go do something, right?

I can't remember the book, but.

But she had to say yes in order to kind of get off of it.

And then, like, her sister challenged her, right?

She's like, you're not going to say yes to this invitation to go speak.

Speak at Barack Obama's inaugural thing or whatever.

And.

And.

And she's like, what do you mean?

She's like, you.

You get invited to all these cool things and you never go.

And so she called her on it.

And that's.

I think that's what I'm hearing from you, calling us on it, saying, now is your time, right?

To say.

And here's the thing.

Like, I want to stress this.

There is no shame in not standing in your absolute confidence because we were conditioned since we were born to away our power, we were conditioned to give away our power.

The women before us did some of that conditioning too.

Right.

Because part of what.

How this works is we stay.

You know, and I'm gonna.

I'm not trying to get on a big, like, patriarchal soapbox here, but the patriarchy works because they maintain power.

How they maintain power is not just by enforcing it on us, but they have taught women to police each other, to keep each other small.

And that is one of the things we need to be cognizant of, because so often we think another woman is always going to lift us up, Another woman is always going to give us the advice to make us strong.

And sadly enough, that's not the case.

And again, it's not their fault because they were conditioned that way.

But once you are brought into the light, once you have knowledge, it is then your responsibility.

It's awesome.

Okay, so now let's talk about your focus on helping a woman say and pitch what she would like to say, to be able to articulate what she wants to say.

In a world where attention spans are short, how can women leaders refine their pitches to ensure they're not only heard, but.

But also resonant.

Yes, exactly.

And I think, like, we don't.

We don't realize some of these things.

And you hear so often, you know, I help so and so.

And I don't know about you, but it just becomes like the teacher on the peanuts.

And it's like, that's all I hear because everybody says the same thing over and over again.

And.

And I'm out.

I'm tuned up.

One of the things I do is work with women to create pitches that are unique to them, that are unique to the population they're addressing, who their avatars are.

Right.

We create a pitch for when you network, for when you're in a small group at a dinner party.

All of the above.

But the thing about it is, is what makes it unique is when you start your pitch, it doesn't start with, I help, blah, blah, blah.

You create a situation and present a situation.

So, for instance, for me, there's a couple of them, like in my coaching that I do when I'm coaching women in relationships, you know, my pitch starts out that worst kind of lonely that you can ever feel when you're lying next to somebody in bed, but you feel totally alone.

And then I go on from there.

Or in the business side, when you're busy, you're always booked, but your bank account's not Growing.

All of a sudden that's like, wait a second, that's me.

People tune in.

You know, I, I work with various women doing various things in non profit and for profit.

So for instance, in the nonprofit world, I help them create pitches for people who are donors, for people who are board members, for people within the corporation, talking to, you know, into the, the organization about how to, you know, how to pitch to their donors, how to pitch to the people that are there, volunteers, all of the above.

And so, you know, it's very tailor made.

The other thing that I will throw out there, I have been slow to come to the reality on this one.

It was such a powerful thing when I learned it.

When you say I help you draw people who need stuff, that doesn't mean they're ready to take action.

Yes.

So what do you do about that?

Instead of saying, you know, I help you turn it around to what do you do?

Right, I work with.

Right.

That's a really good one.

I think simple as I work with, I collaborate with, I coach.

But when you put that word help out there, you're going to get needy people.

Right, right, right.

And that doesn't mean, especially if you're.

Doing coaching or that kind of equal advisory work, consulting work when it comes.

To fundraising, that can be a cautious one.

Right.

So I think of like, you know, in building a business, right.

I need, you know, when you hear somebody say, if you're a marketing person, I help businesses, da, da, da, da.

Well, every business is going to need.

That doesn't mean they're going to be able to pay.

Right.

So what kind of business?

Like, I think, like we don't realize how much we're getting the wrong audience.

Because we're not specifying it when we ask for it.

Right.

And we don't realize how much our limiting beliefs and fears come through our pitches.

Well, that's probably true.

So how do we flush that through and you know, come up with language?

When you work with a person, with a, with a client, how do you help develop that language so it's clear and resonant and confident?

Right.

Great question.

Because it's where we start.

The first thing that was really important is you need to understand your attachment style.

Many of us are aware there's secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant and disorganized, which is a newer one on the newer kid on the block, but it's a part of it.

And I think, here's the thing, people who have secure attachment think they're not going to be vulnerable to Saying things that sometimes they get too comfy.

The things they say may send out overconfidence or not needing or it's not really sending the right message.

It's important to understand that people who tend to be anxious attachment, these are, you know, you'll identify yourself as someone who overworks, has to over manage, has boundary issues.

You're seeking validation.

Right.

And for this one, what it tends to happen is you send out I'm needy.

Right.

Like so you don't even realize that what you're messaging tells other people I'm needy and I'm wanting you to accept and like me rather than it's pretty repellent, right?

Right.

And you do you repel people, you don't know it.

Whereas like an avoidant, for instance, avoidant is someone who trusts themselves only.

Right?

I don't trust anybody else.

I don't really want a lot of connection with other people because I don't trust you to show up, be who you say you're going to be.

And in that situation, then you know, it's the distrust kind of comes through the messaging and you don't even realize it.

So in that one, it's working on being able to get to a place of building trust.

I am a humongous fan of braving by Bern Brown.

I this an acronym.

If you don't know it, get like get intimate with it.

She has, and I will say this, it's true for all of these.

So braving, if you don't know it is the seven elements of trust.

B is boundaries.

R is reliability.

A is accountability.

B is the vault.

I is integrity.

N is non judgment.

G is generosity.

You need to practice braving with yourself and with others, trust in others.

One of those components, one of those seven letters is struggling.

So look at those and see where we can.

And that's where we navigate that attachment piece.

Yeah, we do.

And so what we also don't realize is under that attachment issue are core wounds.

And so I address and start working with their core wounds through discussion and interaction of exercises.

But we also do somatic stuff, which means letting the body do the talking, letting the body get us past our defensive walls.

I do some fun work along those lines.

It's about getting rid of those limiting beliefs.

It seems difficult, but a lot of times what's happened is that if we've had any kind of trauma, it's our nervous system holding that belief, it's not our head.

So often people are like, I've moved on beyond that, I've worked Through it, okay, but your body's self sabotaging you, so let's stop that, right?

I can't go out into the world and ask for a deal or get my investor to give me money.

And it has something to do with one of these issues from.

Yeah, like, for instance, like, I mean, I will tell you, you know, I can share with you.

Like, I had problems asking questions.

I've been a very successful salesperson.

Now that I've learned how my attachment issues have screwed me, like, have gotten in my way, I'm like, well, I must be really good at some of this stuff because I obviously was in a deficit on this other stuff, right?

Like, just imagine how great I could have been.

But I think the thing is, is, like, what I've had to realize is, right, Like, I have problems asking questions.

I have problems asking questions because when I asked questions as a child, I was emotionally abused for it in a severe way.

So for me, asking questions is a very dangerous thing.

And so up here, right, I've.

I've healed through the emotional abuse.

However, my body hasn't let it go.

So whether I realize it or not, me asking a question, my nervous system, on a totally unconscious, automatic level, sees that as danger.

So I have to heal that.

And now I'm like, oh, the BS questions all day long.

That's wonderful.

And what a wonderful way for us all to heal our old stuff, right?

Coming back to that idea of somatic healing to be a doorway into our own power.

It's really wonderful.

Tell us now about caretaking.

I know that's something you also talk about is how we as women tend to take that role on and how that can get in our way.

Right.

I have a book coming out in the next month or two called Love and Leadership.

This is a big chunk of it because we.

Again, this, this.

And I'm, you know, it just is what it is.

And I hate to say it, but we were taught to be caretakers, right?

Because we.

We as women have a nurturing right.

It's.

It's instinctual, but it's a part of who we are.

But what's happened is other people got a hold of that and kind of twisted it and said, now you be the caretaker.

The worst thing is when we have people who are emotionally immature around us, especially when we were young, they teach us to do their caretaking so that they don't have to do the work and grow up.

And so we now become the caretakers in our families, the caretakers in our love life.

The Caretakers with our friends.

What ends up happening is we don't realize this doesn't stay at home.

We trot off to the office, or we trot into our office if it's at our house and we take the caretaking with us.

It shows up in, you know, hanging on to employees or wanting to coach employees that need to get cans.

It shows up in being the caretaker for your boss.

I share in the book a story about how I was so proud of myself because I had managed up with my boss.

No, I had just caretaken.

All I was doing was caretaking.

I see a lot of women carrying the emotional labor in the office because we have not gotten to a place where we're comfortable holding people accountable for their emotional laziness.

So how do you do that?

I'm a caretaker.

I see myself do it all the time.

What are some steps or advice or some hints we can have on stepping out of that role?

And how do we.

How do we stop it and do something different?

So first of all, we have to acknowledge our role in the mess.

Yes, yes.

Our role is being driven by our fears.

Right.

Fears of abandonment, fears of rejection.

In that case.

And it may go back to an attachment style.

It goes back to a wound somewhere or perfecting.

Because if we're perfect enough, then they'll like us.

If we're perfect enough, they'll accept us.

All of those kinds of things run through our head.

We have to own that we are only responsible for ourselves.

That is a punch in the gut for somebody who's a true caretaker.

We like to rescue, we want to take care of.

And worse yet, if we've done the work, we have this knowledge, other people, bless their heart, they don't.

And we want to help them because.

Yeah.

And the reality is we just need to get comfortable watching other people do in their own pain.

That's hard.

It's hard.

That is so hard.

That's like emotional intelligence.

Let our children, let our husbands, let our employees struggle.

Because here's the thing, you doing the work for them is going to create two problems.

Number one, not going to give them any incentive to do the work.

They're just going to wait for you to do it for them.

When you do the work for someone else, you condition them not to do work, not to take accountability, and you actually condition them to push it back on you.

So if you are unhappy with the emotional labor that you are carrying in your relationships, it starts with you.

Yes, it's their fault because they did these things.

But truly, it Begins with you.

Because you've created the culture where you've told told them, don't do the work.

I'm gonna do the work.

Let me show you.

I'm gonna do the work.

You don't have to do it.

It'd be like saying, clean your room to your kids.

And then going and cleaning their room.

They're like, but, well, mom's gonna do it anyways.

Right.

Like you're cutting your own self off at the knees.

Back to the earlier point.

If you do that all the time in a partnership, it's hard to find moments of pleasure and joy.

Then, of course, you don't wanna have sex.

Right.

We have resentment to be a part.

If it happens to be a partner.

Because either you see them as your child, and that's not very sexually appealing, or you see them.

Right.

Or you have resentment and you're like, don't touch my body.

Like, just don't touch me.

Right.

Like, and.

And so.

And then what ends up happening is, is then you shut off with yourself.

Also, you're not into sexy time anywhere because you've not only gotten resentment for them, but you now have resentment for yourself that you don't even see because.

That blame and shame all comes back to yourself.

Yeah, well, and you betrayed yourself.

Right.

And that's what we don't see.

So, you know, as.

As hard.

As hard as it is, we have to let other people do their own growth work.

Yes.

You know, and I think the thing is, also, many times we as women don't want to do that because we don't think they'll do it fast enough.

We want them to do it now because of us.

Like, if we really look at it, we want them to grow and change for us.

Not because they want to, not because they've acknowledged it.

It would be better for us if they did.

And so it'd be easier for us.

It'd be easier for me if my husband didn't.

Whatever.

My daughter got over anxiety or whatever.

And so that's where the redefine comes in.

You may have to redefine your relationship with them so that you can redefine the relationship you have with yourself.

Powerful stuff.

Good stuff.

So power.

So let's talk about.

You know, we're talking about it a little bit in the here about the discomfort we feel when we're setting our boundaries.

Also the discomfort we often feel about our power and what are some ways we can move beyond and embrace our power as part of who we really are.

I did not realize the Crisis of power, I guess I would say, within women.

Until my book Club did the 48 Laws of Power.

And I don't know that book.

Yeah, yeah.

So the 48 laws of power by Robert Greene.

And literally this is a book that is banned in most, if not all US Prisons because it's got the laws of power.

Now, I will tell you, it is a very patriarchal, masculine energy written book.

There is no she in it.

It's he, him, all of that.

However, I feel it was fair that he wrote the book the way he did, because that is where power has resided.

He does mention some women in there, but it's very masculine energy.

What I saw was these women, we had this mass exodus out of my book club.

When we started this book, I told them, I said, ladies, we are not going to be comfortable in this book.

This book is going to be a defensive book.

Struggle through it.

And the answer I would get is I'm sitting in my authentic state self.

I don't need to connect with this because I'm being authentically me.

And me is not about power or I would get.

I don't have people around me who try to take my power.

I don't socialize with those kind of people.

I've healed and let them go.

Okay, I'm just going to say it.

So here's the thing.

For those of us who struggled through it, and trust me, it would struggle.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

We realized that their struggle wasn't with the book.

It's not a.

With.

I mean, like, these laws of power are just laws, right?

They don't have negative or positive connected to it, but it's the emotion.

We stuck to it.

And the reality, for the most part, we as women have been brought up to give away our power.

Number one, we have not been taught to maintain our power.

We have been taught it's bad to grow our power.

So when you start talking about power, it gets really uncomfortable very quickly, because I'm not sitting here telling you how to give it away by helping others.

I'm telling you how to hold it right.

And we realized there was such a discomfort about this that I'm going to put this out there that starting in March, my friend and I are doing a podcast called the Power Paradox.

And it is literally the first few episodes are going to be about power.

But then we're going to take this book and we're going to go chapter by chapter and we're going to.

So, because I'm just going to tell you right now, don't read the book.

It's a great book.

But you want the Cliff Notes because it's heavy and it's dark.

Just listen to the podcast.

Listen to the podcast because we are four months out, and we still feel the dark cloud over us.

Let's put it that way.

All of us who have done it.

But I will say this.

All of us who finish the book, a hundred percent will tell you every One of those 48 laws was used on us.

Yeah.

So well.

And you can reclaim it if it's unconscious.

It's working.

It's working against you, and you're working against you.

The dark side.

The Joseph Conrad, reclaiming the shadow.

But cleaning the shadow.

It's reclaiming our light.

Yeah.

And that's the thing we don't see.

Right.

Because we've been conditioned so heavily.

This is micro dosing, conditioning little sentences here and there over years.

This is why in the podcast, we've decided to break it into three episodes a week.

One episode is like your Cliff Notes about the chapter.

If you're just like, hey, I don't want to read the book, but I want to know what's going on.

Hop in for our first episode.

The second episode is about defensive.

How do we, as women, notice the signs when someone's trying to use this on us?

And how do we then turn it around and protect ourselves?

And then the third episode for the week is an offensive posture, but not from being manipulative or stepping out of alignment with our soul and our goodness.

But how could we use this?

Or how might we.

Because in business, you don't always have control.

You might have a really bad person coming your way, and they may have power.

The only way you can sometimes fight power is with power.

It doesn't mean you have to step out of yourself, but you've got to know how to beat them at their own game.

Love it.

I'm gonna listen.

That sounds outstanding.

And I'm gonna.

As much as you said, it's pretty dark.

I'm curious about these 48 laws.

Like, you know, I'm.

I'm always interested in finding new places to reclaim power because I've noticed that in general, we don't like to use as women, the word power.

We like to use empowered.

That's okay.

That's all right.

But there's something.

There's something distinct, tasteful about power, almost like pleasure.

Right?

It's like.

Right?

And.

And it's.

It's funny because I have found myself.

I went from a place of feeling uncomfortable with the word Power to now I'm like empowered is uncomfortable for me.

Empowered is, is a little, it's, it's.

It'S like, it's, it's just a little like I'm just like, no, I'm powerful.

I don't care.

Like I own my power.

There is nothing wrong with my power.

There is nothing wrong with your power sitting in your light.

Because truly, if you are going to be your authentic self, you have to own power in every cell of your body.

That is your authentic self, your power.

Well, that's awesome.

So how do, how do our listeners work with you?

How did they get involved with what you have to offer?

Your products, your services?

Tell us about that.

Okay, well, as I've kind of hinted, in March there will be the podcast aiming for late March with the book I'm still sticking out March.

I hear that.

I know I'm going to hold myself accountable.

What I have is my coaching and I have three different, three different levels of one on one coaching that you can do.

I have a foundational level.

I have an accelerated and a mastery.

Then I have my women's weekends.

My women's weekends I do with my friend who I'm doing the podcast with those women's weekends.

We do them in different places around the country if you're interested and you're like, hey, I'm in the northeast.

Okay, great.

Or hey, I'm in the, you know, southwest.

Okay, great, we'll let you know.

Those are Friday morning to Sunday afternoon, small groups, five to 10 women, if you want change if you want, you want to have like your butt kicked, but you want to laugh and cry and have fun at the same time.

That's for you.

The programs I have on my one on one coaching, I'm very big about wanting one on one touch with people.

I feel like that's important.

I know nowadays the big thing is to go one to many, but I just for me, that's who I am and I'm not going to change it.

I like that connection on my foundational level.

My foundational level is something I.

And I'm different about this too.

I tell you how much time you have with me.

You get four micro sessions with me.

She will have homework assignments.

There's a whole workbook.

I mean it's like 150 page workbook that you will work through.

I have two different versions.

One for women within themselves, right?

You could be a founder, an entrepreneur.

You know, you could be an entrepreneur, right?

You could be a salesperson within a business.

Whatever you Know C level, that's for you, with you.

Then I have a second one which is you and your business.

And so that one is more like what are the essentials for your business and are you on track with those and how to get connected with those?

That's my starting level.

That engagement is four micro sessions and you have eight weeks to do it.

My second one is my accelerated level.

This is more hands on.

In this one you're going to get six hours of one on one with me and I do it that way because you can do six.

You can take it and do six one hour sessions.

You can do three one hour sessions and take the other three and break them into half hour sessions so that you have more sessions.

But I know this sounds maybe a little bit more complicated, but I have done that.

I've had the luxury of having two coaches do this for me and it works so much better because that's how we maximize my ability to help you.

So on that one, you have three months to do it in.

You will have homework assignments and things like that.

You get voxer access to me so we can one on one in between.

Then the last one is the mastery, a six month timeline engagement.

You get 13 hours of my time.

You will have voxer access, the homework, all of that.

And you get 10% off one of our women's weekends.

So I love how you create such perfect boundaries around it.

You've got a structure, you've got a program, there's a time limit.

You get the best experience and the person gets the best experience and there's choices at the same time.

What's the best way for people to reach you?

The best way for people to reach me is I would love for people to come in and just set up what I call a clarity call.

My clarity calls are free because I want to connect with you and I'm really big on you and I got to be on the same page.

If you and I aren't clicking, then it's not going to help you to be my client or, or to try to get coaching for me because we're not going to gel.

So I think that's number one.

I've always had that, even way back when I was a wealth manager.

That was my mentality.

We've got to be somewhere where you're comfortable and you're like, yes, she can help you change.

That's the people I want.

Set the clarity call.

I have a calendly link for that always, you know, reach out to me via LinkedIn.

I have a weekly newsletter on LinkedIn.

Please get it.

It's not a long read, but it's got good, good little tidbits in them.

And connect with me on LinkedIn.

You can connect on me through Instagram.

Facebook, not so much, but you can always connect.

I do have my link to my personal Facebook, But I definitely LinkedIn is a big way.

My website, my email.

I have no problems.

When I do speaking engagements, especially for teenagers, I give them my phone number and have them write it down.

I want you to know I am accessible.

I want you to be able to get to me because I truly believe for people who are ready, women who are ready to change, I want to be there so you I can support that change.

Because once you've made that decision that you can't take it anymore or that you want to level up and you just need that tool to help you.

I want to make sure that that tool is accessible to you.

So I'm there.

I love it.

I love it.

So you can reach her@coachmdb.com you can also find her in LinkedIn and you'll find all of that in the, in the notes below, the, the podcast notes, et cetera.

And I just thank you so much Margaret for being here and being a part of the wisdom of women show.

I I love your energy and enthusiasm and your specific wisdom that you bring to us.

You move us forward and help us think bigger about ourselves and really take notice of our power.

And I love that.

To all of our listeners today, thank you for being here.

It is wonderful to hold the space for you to discover your wisdom and find new ways to tap into your own prosperity.

If you are ready to take the next step, go ahead and go to a ForceForGood biz quiz and sign up for the Growth Readiness quiz.

There you're gonna uncover where your insight is needed most in your business.

Remember that you are a force for good and the world is made better by women led business.

So let's all go make the world a better place.

Thank you.

Cheers.