When life gets crowded, how do you make room for Numero Uno—you! 

Today we're diving into a topic that's the apple of my eye - holding space for yourself! Ahem, that means standing firm in who you are, even when the world tries to turn you into a mixed fruit salad. 

🌈 B͇u͇l͇l͇e͇t͇ p͇o͇i͇n͇t͇s͇ o͇f͇ k͇e͇y͇ t͇o͇p͇i͇c͇s͇ +͇ c͇h͇a͇p͇t͇e͇r͇ m͇a͇r͇k͇e͇r͇s͇ 

[00:13] The Fruit Salad Analogy - What does holding space mean? Hint: be an apple among oranges! 

[02:30] Juicy Examples - Real-life scenarios where holding your space is put to the test. From baking contests to reluctant favor-granting, we've got you covered. 

[04:45] The Terrible Twos' Wisdom - Remember when you were 2 and life was simpler? Why is it so hard for us grown-ups to hold space like a toddler would? 

[08:50] Your Cup of Tea or Coffee or Juice - Figuring out what truly fills your cup. Hint: it's not always about pleasing others. 

[12:03] Wrap up and Retrospect - Time to marinate on today's lesson. Are you the star of your life story or just a side character? 

🌈 Episode Highlights 

What’s with the Apple and Oranges? 🍏🍊 We use a fruit analogy to make the concept of holding space easier to grasp. Trust me, you'll never look at your fruit bowl the same way again! 

Real-world Juiciness! 🍰📦 From entering a baking competition to helping a "friend" move, we explore how you can stay true to yourself even when it's tough. 

Inner Toddler's Wisdom 👶 Why is it so easy for a toddler to claim their space, but so hard for us? Time to take some life lessons from your 2-year-old self. Cookies optional! 

Fill Up Your Cup ☕️🍵 We discuss strategies to identify what truly fills your cup—beyond just social validation and pleasing others. 

🌈  L͇i͇n͇k͇s͇ f͇r͇o͇m͇ t͇h͇i͇s͇ e͇p͇i͇s͇o͇d͇e͇:͇ 

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🌈 S͇o͇c͇i͇a͇l͇s͇ a͇n͇d͇ W͇e͇b͇s͇i͇t͇e͇:͇ 

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Hi, and welcome to the Art of Life podcast.

I'm so glad you are here with me.

We have a really good topic today.

It's called holding space for yourself.

So what does that mean?

What does holding space for yourself mean?

I think the simplest way I have to explain is by an example of fruits.

So let's say, amongst all the fruits, you are an apple.

The way I explain this is that if you have oranges around you, you

have kiwis around you, maybe you have even some non fruit friends, so

maybe you have broccoli around you or cauliflower, you still stay an apple.

So staying an apple, because you are an apple is holding space for yourself.

That's a fruit example, right?

Like, that's just trying to make it clear.

Because otherwise, if I bring it in a human form of what we do every day

and how we change our thoughts and opinions, our actions even, that varies

for us as humans with our interactions.

So I thought if I just gave this example around being an apple

then that would be really clear.

Now in regular life I might want to do something and I might just get influenced

by somebody's opinion because either I look up to them or because they are

very significant in my life So could be a mom could be a teacher Etc Could also

be something, somebody that I really admire, a group of even celebrities or

someone who's saying something on the show and that might just sway my opinion.

So in that sense, that's where apple, staying an apple,

that analogy is coming there.

In literal senses, holding space for yourself is choosing yourself, is when

you've got to make a decision between being someone else or being swayed

by someone else, it's that process of connecting in with yourself and letting

yourself shine, so choosing yourself.

So let me give you examples around that.

So, let's say there is a baking competition, and you really want to bake,

and you go home, you announce, I will go to bake, I'm going to participate in this

competition, and perhaps that's taken well, perhaps there's somebody who's very

near and dear to you, and they go like, ah, so there you go with that new thing

again, this is what you're going to do.

Maybe the response generally isn't as positive as you would have liked it to be.

Inside, you really want to participate in that baking competition.

Well, so then what is holding space?

Is holding space then, listening to your family and loved ones, who are perhaps

not on the same page, or is holding space going, "Hey, I wanted to give this a shot.

I'll give this anyway".

So in that sense, it's choosing yourself.

And choosing to allow yourself to do what you want to do.

Let's look at another example.

There's a friend who asks for your help.

Anything, let's say, moving on the weekend.

You don't even like this friend too much.

You don't really want to help the person move.

But you're kind of this pleasing person, so it's very hard for you to say no.

And you go like, Yay!

Yes, of course, I'll be there for you and I'll help you out.

So that's the question again, right?

How are you holding space for yourself?

Are you prioritizing someone else?

When you don't want to, when you don't wish to inside, are you

compromising on a part of yourself?

Are you giving somebody else advantage, priority, over yourself?

So that sort of explains the concept around holding space for yourself.

Now why is holding space for yourself so hard, right?

If you think back, as toddlers, and I particularly like the age

of maybe two or three years old.

If you have kids around, I would, you know, just encourage

you to go back to that age.

Because there's something about it.

There's something around that age where we really know how to hold our ground.

Like, take a toy from a toddler.

They'll go, mine.

And they'll say, mine.

The little bodies who don't even know.

properly to, you know, feed themselves yet or dress themselves yet.

But even those little bodies know.

And they go very much like, ah, this is mine, this is my toy.

Or you tell them, well, you're not going to the playground,

you really want to be at the playground, but we've got to do this.

Watch a toddler go, no!

This is what I'm doing, this is where I'm staying.

So, as kids, as two or three year olds, I believe that a lot of us

knew how to hold space for ourselves.

As we grow up, their society, everything sort of conditions us to

please others, look after others.

A lot of times we're taught what is good behavior, and good behavior just

means complying with someone else.

At school it might just mean complying with what your teacher asks you to do.

At home as well, at job, at your work as well, there's a reward if you did

something that pleased your manager.

We are trained to please others.

It's just social conditioning.

Coming back to the question around why is holding space for yourself so hard?

It's just that for us, we have been taught so much and so well around

pleasing others, around being good, around conforming, that as we keep

growing and as we keep giving importance to other situations and other people,

we lose that connection with ourselves.

Just ask some people in their 40s, 50s, just ask them, what do you really like?

Like, just grill them, nicely, on what do they really like, not with

the objective of belittling anyone, but just really trying to understand

are they connected with themselves.

And I encourage you to have this question with yourself as well.

What do you really want?

What do you really like?

A lot of times.

You'll find that when we answer that question, simple as it

sounds, we tend to give importance to what someone else thinks.

You know, we might say, Hey, I really enjoyed this conversation because

my friend and I, we do this and know, my friend really likes this.

Or I liked this, going to this movie because my friend really enjoyed it.

The person I love really enjoyed it.

You ask them, what do you want to do on the weekend?

They'll be like, yes, my partner planned something for me and

we are doing this and this.

But just the whole question around, what do you want?

What do you like?

It's great to be able to...

Be really open and flexible and do everything that everyone asks of you.

But if you're feeling frustrated, it's just getting back to yourself

and connecting to yourself.

Paying attention to your own voice.

What is it that you like?

Okay, so how do you hold space for yourself?

And maybe in here, uh, start by understanding what fills your cup.

So we already started talking about what do you like, right?

So when you write your list around what fills your cup, and there's absolutely

nothing wrong around saying, Okay, I love connecting with friends and family.

There's absolutely nothing wrong there.

But what I'd encourage you to do, is look at your feelings, your thoughts, and

instead off prioritizing how they feel with the interaction, prioritize yourself.

There's absolutely nothing wrong.

We're social animals.

We all love socializing.

We all love going out, getting together.

That's the essence of life, right?

That's why we're having the human experience.

But when you write your list around what fills your cup, make it your voice.

So, some examples, for example, for me, they could be just having a nice

meal, having a walk in nature, and yes, I love connecting with friends and

family as well, especially where I feel that we've had a really nice heart to

heart chat, very authentic and open.

I love doing some art as well.

And they could be some of your examples.

You could have something totally different.

That's absolutely okay.

Just try and make this your own list not depending on

what others are doing for you?

Or how they are feeling, but just depending more on how do you feel.

These are things that make you feel good.

So, let's say, connecting with a friend and having a really good friend.

Yes, obviously, my friend would have a good time, most likely.

But even if that didn't happen, and if I got to really open my heart and listen

to them, and it, it felt connected, for me, I don't need a validation from my

friend to say, Hey, it was a good time.

So there's just a subtle difference there.

It's just around you feeling good without always having to hear it, without

always having to hear the feedback.

It's you feeling good with that activity.

Other things could be like, doing some sports, going to the gym, or

whatever is your cup of tea, I imagine.

So, look at that, build that list, and that list will evolve over time as well.

You might start off with a list.

Over time it might just change, and you'll start talking about

something else, or there'll be other things that you are excited about.

All of that's okay.

But what I want you to do is, every day, look at things that fill

your cup, and as often as you can.

Put in a few of those things that fill your cup.

Let's say if it's gardening, just make sure that you give

yourself time to do that.

You give yourself time to connect with yourself.

Okay, so revisiting this again.

Now what does holding space for yourself mean?

I'm just trying to wrap this up.

And now you already know it.

So this is staying an apple if you are an apple staying an orange, if you are

an orange, you don't have to look at the orange and go, Hey, you know, I'm

an apple and it's just not as juicy as an orange or the skin isn't like that

of an orange, you don't have to do that.

It's just around being you.

And it's not about the oranges or the broccoli.

It's really about the apple.

And that's a very important point.

I'd like to ask you one question.

So how do you write your story?

So let's say if you and I were to have a chat and I said,

okay, just tell me who you are.

What do you do?

How would you write your story?

You know, whatever you wanna say, well, this is how I grew up,

and then this is what I pursue.

This is what I'm doing right now.

How do you write that story?

Who's the main actor in your story?

Is that you or is that your family?

Is that any of your friends?

You see where I'm going with this?

So, how do you write your story?

I highly encourage you to become your own actor in your story.

Reframe what's happened in your life making you the star of your story

anything that has happened, right?

Mostly because humans are wired a little bit like that, you'll find that when there

are some, some of those graceful moments where life's been hard and we've learned

something, we often tend to look outside and go a little bit in the victim mindset

that this happened to me because this happened and I urge you to change it.

When I urge you to change that story, the reasoning behind that

is not that what you're thinking is wrong or that someone else didn't do

something that wasn't the best for you.

It's nothing like that.

I'm just saying that your story, your life, is your life.

You deserve to be the hero of your life.

So give yourself that chance.

Become that person who is the main lead, the main star in your story.

Okay, so let's part with an exercise.

How do you actually learn how to hold space for yourself?

So let's look at what you can do to start holding space for yourself.

And this could be a really fun activity, so take a calendar out,

maybe put a day there, and just write your day or just write your week

on there and just write, big, big headings of what you're going to do.

Maybe your day starts with traveling to the office, then doing some work,

and then however you end your day.

Write your main activities down, give them an hour, hour and a half, or...

Bigger, smaller chunks as you please.

Write those activities down.

And then...

The ones that fill your cup, put a nice little heart against them or give

them a color, whatever you feel like.

Because these are the activities that fill your cup.

So you could see a whole week that way, you could see a whole

day that way, but look at that.

And that's a visual depiction of yourself, your activities for the day or the week.

You'll be able to see how much you are filling your cup.

Even if there are activities where you are involved, going out and doing

something, interacting with others, put hearts in there if you feel,

Oh, I am really going to love this.

This is going to be amazing.

Like I will feel really happy.

Then put the hearts there.

And once you get that visual picture of the week or the day.

then you know the next step.

Try and see if you can have hearts a little bit more.

Try and see if you can just reshuffle, re prioritize your day or your week, to

just give you more space for yourself, to give you more times where you really

connect with yourself, where you're really happy, where you fill your cup.

You can never give out more than you've got.

So it's up to you to balance and to fill your cup.

You've got to prioritize that.

I heard a really beautiful quote the other day.

You are the walking instruction manual for the world.

I'll repeat that.

You are the walking instruction manual for the world.

As in, you are the person who's teaching everybody around you how

to look after you, how to treat you.

So just do that.

All right, so that is unholding space for yourself.

I hope you got some great tips out there I definitely enjoyed doing this episode

and all of the other future ones that I've got I just want to go in a lot

deeper and just share a lot more as well where you will get thoughts or takeaways

that you can start applying in your own life and hopefully that makes your

life brighter and more happy and so on.

I have a beautiful course coming up.

It's called the Life Makeover Program.

You can actually find it at www.

artoflifecenter.

com slash art.

Now, in this session, in this course, it's a five module course

and some bonus sessions there.

They're all art therapy based, and in every single module, I take the time

to look at some aspect of our lives.

So, for example, in one, we could just look at being busy

or around work life balance.

Another one could be around connecting with our bodies, so just getting in tune

with ourselves, just tuning into our own inner intuition and seeing how that's

working, getting the next steps there.

Every single session of art therapy is an hour.

With every hour, you come in closer to yourself, having healed yourself

a lot more, just having learned for yourself a whole lot more.

So it's...

a transformational healing and creation program.

I highly encourage you to check it out.

It's called the life makeover program.

It's absolutely a truly great one and absolutely transformational.

I've had some amazing feedback already, and I look forward to seeing you there.

But if not, I'll see you at the art of life podcast next week.

Thank you so much for listening.

Have a beautiful day.