Episode Synopsis

In this episode of Moving Out of Trauma, I, Kandace Ledergerber (she/her) give a solid look at the world of "boxes". If you've listened to any other episodes so far in this podcast, you have probably heard me references "boxes" and my frustration for them. In this episode I will break down what boxes are, how they impact our mental health, where they can come from, what they can look like and how we can start moving out of them.

Guest Bio

Today's guest is me! My name is Kandace Ledergerber. My pronouns are she/her. I am an EMDR therapist, yoga teacher, dog enthusiast, and first-time mom of a wonderful, amazing 1.5-year-old. I am passionate about working with trauma survivors, especially sexual abuse survivors, blending EMDR and yoga-based techniques to help them find solid ground beneath their feet and to process the stuck past trauma so they no longer have to live in the messages of the past, but can move into who they authentically are at their core.

Timestamps

[02:15] - Intro

[03:15] - Getting to Know the Provider

[09:51] - Topic of the Week

[37:00] - Providers Aren't Robots

[40:57] - Trauma Tip of the Week

[44:57] - Final Fast Five

[50:18] - Container and Calm State Change Exercises

Topics Covered in this Episode

• Societal Expectations and Boxes: Discussing the concept of feeling confined within societal expectations and boxes, and the impact it has on individuals' identities.
• Passion for Liberation: Exploring my passion for helping people break free from limiting boxes and societal constraints.
• EMDR Therapy: Understanding the role of EMDR therapy in helping individuals process past traumas and challenging negative beliefs.
• Impact of Trauma: Delving into how past traumatic experiences can lead to internalized feelings of inadequacy and affect mental health.
• Authentic Self: Discussing the journey of embracing one's authentic self and reclaiming personal identity beyond external expectations.
• Survival Mechanisms: Exploring the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses that individuals employ when confronted with societal pressures.
• Challenging Stereotypes: Examining the harmful effects of stereotypes related to gender, mental health, race, and professions.
• Healing with EMDR: Detailing how EMDR therapy can help untangle negative influences and empower individuals to heal from trauma.
• Rejection of Conformity: Highlighting the importance of choosing authenticity over conforming to societal norms.
• Empowerment through Choice: Discussing the power of choice in rejecting societal boxes and embarking on a transformative journey toward self-discovery.

Relevant Links

Connect for consultation with Kandace

https://soulmission-emdrtherapy.com/contact

Sign up for our Newsletter and get your Trauma-Informed Mindfulness Workbook

https://soulmission-emdrtherapy.com/podcast

Leave us a review on PodChaser.com

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/moving-out-of-trauma-5172742

Kandace's Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/soulmission_emdrtherapy/

Kandace's Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/soulmissionmentalhealthandyoga

Join Us Next Time

Join us in two weeks as I talk with Jaclyn of the Lost Labia Chronicles and Rebecca of Patton Pelvic Health, discussing Lichen Sclerosis. We dive deep in this episode, not just discussing what Lichen Sclerosis is but how sex education plays a part, the available resources, understanding if Lichen Sclerosis is as rare as they say it is or is it just under/misdiagnosed, and of course, how trauma all plays a part. You won't want to miss this episode!

Welcome to Moving Out of Trauma. A podcast made

to support Trauma survivors with actionable steps and

resources so they can start moving out of trauma and end

the life that they're craving. I'm the host Candice Leader

Gerber, EMDR therapist, yoga teacher, first

time mom, and dog enthusiasts. I am

here in Phoenix Arizona, and I am so excited about

today's episode. But before we dive into today's

episode of moving out of trauma, I wanna give you a few reminders.

The first is that if you wanna start practicing more mindfulness

and incorporate more grounding skills in your daily life, but you've had

some trouble getting started because of past trauma.

I wanna offer you a free trauma informed

beginners guide to mindfulness workbook and create

this workbook with trauma in mind. You

can get this free workbook as well as monthly updates

about new content by heading over to sole mission dashemvrtherapy.com

/ podcast. You can sign up for our newsletter there, and you

will get this free workbook directly to your inbox. that you can

download as many times as you like and get updates when I update it as

well. Again, that link is full mission

dash EMDR therapy. dotcom/ podcast.

And the second reminder I wanna give is at the end of this

for cording and the end of every episode for that matter, we will

be giving you 2 resources that we often use

in EMDR therapy. which are the container

exercise as well as the state change place.

So these exercises are visualization exercises

that can help you transition from

maybe a state of thinking about past trauma,

awareness, learning something new into a more

calm, more centered way of being so you can

go on throughout your day. I hope these resources

help, and I would love to know your thoughts. Alright. Let's

dive into today's episode. Today,

the guest is going to be me. I'm doing a solo

episode today to talk a little bit about boxes.

And if you've listened to episodes in the

past, you probably have heard me

share this term of boxes

and, my passion for people not

being stuck in them. So I felt like it was time

to have an episode to kind of explore and unpack,

no pun intended. what exactly it

means, to be stuck in this box or

to be, put in this box or what this box even is.

So today, I want to explore that. And then as always,

I'll give the normal, outline of the

show so we can just talk about those

different pieces that make this podcast what

it is. For this part of the show,

is based off of this wonderful quote that I

read that says knowing a person is like

music. What attracts us to them is their melody.

And as we get to know them, we learn their lyrics.

And I really fell in love with this quote. So if anyone listening

recognizes who said that quote or who wrote that quote, please share it with

me. because I would love to give that person credit for that beautiful

quote. Now the first question that

was kind of born out of this learning learning your lyrics

section is why am I so passionate about this

work? And, really, I think that we will get into

this as I talk about this topic today. but

I feel like one of the reasons that I am

so passionate about this work is that I love to

Let's see. Let me see out. I hate

seeing people stuck in boxes.

or within expectations

created by, you know, any number of things.

and held back buying boxes

and feeling like they're not good enough. And I am so

passionate, and I love seeing people come home

to who they are authentically are. And so I'm

I'm passionate about this work because that's what I get to do. I get to

help people process the past that keeps them stuck in these

boxes. and come home to who they really are.

So that'll probably make more sense as the the show goes

on and I I share more about boxes and and

what in the world this topic is.

How does my personality show up in the room with my

So I think I've shared this in another episode, but

really and truly, I,

as appropriately, but I I do use

a lot of humor and even sarcasm in my sessions.

which is just part of who I am as a human being.

and so as I sit with another person, You know, oftentimes

it'll come up as like, that's an interesting thing that we're

observing. I wonder where that came from. when we full and well

know where it came from. Makes complete sense.

and really just to highlight again,

oftentimes, you know, working with trauma, the trauma never started

within that person. It always started

somewhere else. Right? Whether

it was again, I'm gonna sound like a broken record in

this episode, but whether it was cultural societal from our

family, whatever thing this this thing was from,

right, wherever this expectation

came from, this trauma came from, It

it didn't come within ourselves. It didn't it was not born out of our own

heart and our own, soul and the core of

who we are. And so I use this

humor in the sarcasm to kinda highlight, oh, hey. Look.

This isn't your fault. This isn't something you chose.

and to also highlight that they're in the midst

of their healing journey, and they're actively choosing that by sitting there

with me. So That's a little bit of how how that can

show up. And what

is the top thing I wish everyone knew

about the world of EMDR therapy.

Again, trying to think of one that maybe I haven't shared on another episode.

I guess just that EMDR therapy in a

nutshell is about

helping you digest

information and events that you couldn't

digest before because you were just trying to

survive. So when we are

going into, when we're experiencing a traumatic

event, again, big or small, doesn't matter. Even if it's

not life or death, When we are experiencing

that our body perceives as traumatic, we

go into survival mode and into this mode

of just trying to make it to the next moment. I am just

purely trying to stay alive. Right? And

So our brain doesn't really

store the information in a in a

practical way, because our our brain is literally

offline and our sole focus is just survival.

And so when we come back online and when we are,

you know, present, now we have all of this

material sitting there. kind of like if we just eat a big

meal. Right? Our body has to digest this information.

but because we went into the survival mode for our

survival, our body kinda gets stuck in,

you know, not being able to process it. and not being able to let

go of the bad stuff that we don't

need and to keep the good stuff that we do need.

kind of keeping with the digestion metaphor. And so

EMDR, what it really does is it helps that person process those

events So that way their body and their

brain can digest them. Can keep the

good, keep the lessons, keep the wisdom, keep the knowledge,

but it can get rid of

the bad. It can get rid of the limiting

negative belief the, oftentimes

the the different, mental health symptoms that

come with those beliefs. Right? So

in a nutshell, it's kind of like helping your body

digest in the way that it it should

have had it not actually gone through something traumatic and

needed to just survive. So to start,

I want to define this concept of what

this box, this arbitrary box

is. And this often is

cultural familial societal

pressures. to fit into some kind of

role or some kind of identity.

It is taking our personal

identity, our authentic, our truest self,

all that we are, and squeezing

it into what we perceive or what we have

explicitly been told what we should

with air quotes be.

So This can

create a lot of chaos in a person's life.

because as human beings, we'll go

into this. We we are

made to live in community. Right? We we've discussed this on different

episodes. But we're so made

to live intertwined with other people.

And part of where we are

now as a society is that we

don't necessarily need us people to survive as

in to obtain food or

shelter or safety. but

we do need people in community

for the social dynamic for the emotional pieces to

feel seen and heard and understood.

And we'll go into a little bit more of of how the body recognizes all

those pieces in just a few minutes. But

what I wanna share is that what this can feel like and what how

this can show up oftentimes is this extreme

guilt, extreme anxiety,

depression symptoms, even feeling hopeless

when we, again, perceive whether it's,

something that's implicit, right, that it's not something

that's explicitly stated, but it's something that kinda goes under the radar that

it's still it's still an expectation. It's still there. but we're not

being explicitly told it. So either something that we

perceive that we've been told or something that's explicitly

been told to us that this is who you

should be or this is what you should be.

And Oftentimes, despite all of

our best efforts to squeeze ourselves into that

identity into that role, into this tiny little

box that we have been given.

We still find ourselves coming off the other side of that

feeling like we still didn't measure

up. And again, even though you

tried and you tried and you tried to follow their specific

formula of this is what it needs to look like. This is

what you should act like. This is how you need

to go forward. Right? even

despite trying to follow the exact formula of what you should

air quotes be. Right?

It's still not enough. And we start to take that message

on, I'm not enough. And this is one of the most

common messages I hear or beliefs that I hear people coming into

therapy with is I am not enough.

And it can come up in so many different forms just based off

of our experiences and our personal

biology and just so many factors

of what builds us into the people that we are, but the

message and the belief still is the same.

It's I'm not enough the way I am.

And That can be so damaging

to a person, right, to

fully and full heartedly believe I am

not enough just being me. Just being me is my authentic self. I

can't just be me. I have to be this thing.

I have to squeeze myself into this box. This is what

society expects me to be. This is what my culture expects me to be. This

is what my family expect me to be. And, again, we'll

go into more examples and and what that can look like shortly

here. But

It can be so harmful and so damaging to

our personal

nervous system, our personal emotions are everything,

right, to hold this belief that I am not

enough the way that I am to the people that are closest to

me or to the society that sees me.

And when we start to take that in and

when we start to

take that on as a form of an identity or a

personal belief.

We tend to

try and fold into that box into all

of the different areas of our life. So even

if this expectation maybe came from your

family, right, even if this expectation was

here. This is who you should be. This is who you are. This is who

you need to be. This is the box that you are supposed

to fit within. Right? We often will take that

box and take it

with us as we go into the workforce or

into school, into relationships.

into everything, really, right,

because this was the expectation of what I am supposed to

be. And, of course,

as a culture, as a society, that gets even

bigger, right, it's not quite as small scale as,

like, our family handing us this box saying this is who you are.

but when the culture that we live within or our

society that we live within says, this is what your expectation

is. This is where you are living. This is where you are

supposed to say, right, that,

again, we take that with us. We take that messaging with

us. and we take the feeling of I'm

not good enough, again, with us. And

then A lot of the times what happens is as we go

into these different spaces, whether it's our work

or school or relationships, or what have you

will often have this message be reinforced

of I'm not good enough. Oh, this is

how you want me to behave. This is how you expect me

to be. This is what I should have said. This is

how I should have thought. Right? All of

these things get reinforced within

our nervous system. as I didn't live up to the

expectation. I am not good enough. Right? So all

in all, this can be really traumatizing.

personally being told that implicitly

or explicitly that you have to be this thing This

is who you should be and who you are is not good

enough. Again, whether we're told that, you

know, actually and verbally or whether it is a message we perceive is

happening around us.

It's hurtful. It's harmful. And we continue to

try and strive to be that thing or do that

thing to fit ourselves into that box. And when we're not

able to or when we are shy of hitting the mark

or maybe we miss the mark completely,

it reinforces within us that we're not good enough.

And even when we do fit the mark, when we do

managed to squeeze ourselves into the itty bitty tiny box.

Right? That's short lived. And it doesn't feel authentic

and true to who we are at our core.

Now from a body centered approach,

if you wanna look at this kind of more from a biological level,

if you think about it from terms of experiencing

stressful events, releases cortisol

and our brains and our bodies. And an

event or experience over and over again that says, this is

your identity. This is who you are. This is your box.

And then trying to fit ourselves scrambling to

fit into this box, maybe fighting against the box.

maybe even just freezing and hoping that nobody

notices that I don't fit into the box or people

pleasing. Right? All of these things

is a survival mechanism. So this the

stress, this activation happens in our body, in our nervous system,

when we say when whoever hands us this box and says,

this is who you are. This is who you need to strive to be. Our

body gets activated. and we cope however we

can. Right? We go into those survival mechanisms. We

fight. We fight. We freeze. We fawn.

And this is actually kind of interesting in that our

bodies don't know the difference.

between this fear of isolation, right, this fear of

abandonment of not being accepted, of not being loved, of not being

enough, and the danger of

isolation. So again, going back to that concept

of maybe as a society, I don't need

this person to physically survive. I will

still live But at one point,

our bodies did need that. Our bodies did need

community into to be able to

physically survive and physically be able to live to the next day.

And so we take that with us.

Right? This threat of I'm going to be

abandoned. I'm not good enough. Feels just

as activating, just as big as

it might have years years years ago

where I'm gonna be alone could

have meant life or death.

And I say that to let that kinda sink in -- our body responds

to this concept

of here's your box. Oh my god. I'm not enough.

What do I need to do to be enough? I'm gonna be abandoned.

I'm not gonna be loved. to I'm gonna die.

I'm not going to be able to survive.

And that's huge. And that's just

within our body. Right?

And if that's not traumatizing, right,

So when we're not able to process these

experiences, process these events, because these events are

traumatizing. If not from a cognitive

mental standpoint, if not from a

conscious level, It is traumatizing to our body, to

our nervous system, into our subconscious. Right? And so when we

are not able to actively and

adaptly store these experiences

and say, no. Actually, I am enough I

don't have to fit into that box to be enough. When we're not

able to do this, when we're not able to process it,

It's because we can be overwhelmed in that moment, right, because it

it's it's pretty damn overwhelming.

And our body, again,

is responding just out of survival in that moment.

And so we continue to live in these different survival

responses. They show up all over our lives.

in different patterns, in different places, different times

that were triggered. And to come full

circle, Again, when we are reminded by

someone or something that says, hey.

Here's your box. Here's what you're supposed to fit into. This is what you're

supposed to be. Our body reacts

all over again in this cascade effect.

going into this fight fight, fun

freeze survival mode of, oh my gosh.

I'm not enough. I need to survive.

And so Why do I say

all of this? Why do I bring any of this up? Why do I

feel like this is an important concept? And

what can we do with this information? Right? So I

often say, knowledge is power. Right? As

soon as we know, that we're not alone,

that we have the information that we

need to be able to step out of this feeling,

this place, once we're able to recognize

that, hey, that's a box that you're trying to put

me in right there. That's something that I can

choose not to step into. because remember, these

boxes can be handed down from generation to

generation. Again, not within our own family, but within our culture, within our

society, that They can just

become these expectations that is

just passed along the line. But the

really cool thing is that we don't have to accept it.

We don't have to take the box

And to be able to make that

move, we have to be able to have the knowledge that, oh,

hey. The recognition. This is a box. I don't

have to take this.

And so I kinda wanna break down here just

a few of the ways

this can show up. Other than here's your box.

Right? So, I already kinda talked a little bit, but role

identity Right? So, this is any kind of role, any kind

of identity, again, that we are handed

either from our family, from our cultural, excuse

me, from our culture, from our society, any of those

expectations that, again, are placed on us. Right?

Now this can oftentimes, I think, in its most,

I guess, general form, show up as stereotypes.

And this can be within our mental health status,

our race, our gender, our sexuality, our economic

status, our job, our, level

in school, any of these ways

that expectations and labels

that have been placed on that person.

from, again, something or someone outside of that person.

And so some really common examples that I've either personally

encountered or I hear a lot about from clients,

as you if you define yourself as a woman. So

Oftentimes, some of the labels or the expectations or the

boxes is, you know, you're too thin. You're

too fat. You're too loud. You're too angry. You're too opinionated.

You're, you know, whatever. You're too much.

And these can often be

these boxes that people try and fit

themselves within and strive to, oh my

gosh, I need to be this perfect size or

This is how my temperament should be. I can't become angry.

this is how I need to act out in public. This is how

I'm allowed to act within my home

and really putting

an outline or, you know, expectations. It did keep

using the word expectations, but to really put,

you know, a rein in on who that

person is. When, realistically,

everybody is made differently. every person is gonna

look differently. There is no one perfect body size or

shape. There is

no right way, to

well, I I'm let me dial that back. There there might be a

right way to express your anger. but there's not a right way

to feel your emotion. You're allowed to be

angry. You're allowed to feel, you're allowed to

cry. You're allowed to do all of the things. Right?

And the reason that I I say I should back that up is that, you

know, how you express it, is important because

obviously you can't act out of anger or, you know,

harm someone else in that anger.

and, you know, anger in a bit in and of itself is

not bad. Right? So that's a

separate soapbox.

Another example I see commonly is if you struggle with your mental

health, if you have anxiety, if you have depression, if you

have schizophrenia if you have bipolar. Right? Like, if you have any of

these different mental health struggles, right,

that you are classified as crazy or

imbalanced or not stable. Any of these things

that simply aren't true because these symptoms,

these things that you're struggling with within your mental health,

probably also come from boxes and trauma.

which is outside of you and not within your control,

not things that you could have

controlled or said, no. I'm not gonna choose that. Right?

Because, again, we don't have a choice with trauma.

We don't ever choose trauma. And,

like like I like to say on the show, we

can choose our path towards healing. And

so the last one that I do wanna share here,

because I know it came up in another episode, is even

down to being a therapist. There were

expectations in school. And there were there was a

special therapist box I was handed that said, this is

how you're supposed to sit. This is how you're supposed to talk. This is

how you're supposed to present yourself and show up as a therapist, to be

a therapist. And this is the way you do it.

So that way you can be a good therapist. Right?

and over the course of my career, I have found that

It's just not true. That I don't have

to fit myself into this neat little therapist box.

that I can be my authentic self while also

helping people heal, which is pretty damn

cool.

So, again, I just kinda wanna present this this

way of thinking that this, this

definition of this box is the way

that we see ourselves, our value, our beliefs,

about the world, about our self,

and everything else. It all

is intertwined with this identity, this

box that we're presented with.

And from there, again, knowledge is power,

but now we can start to shift it.

that we don't have to choose the box. We don't have

to choose to try and fit ourselves in the box.

Right? so that the way that we see

ourselves, our value, our beliefs,

about the world, and our place in it

can start to shift. You can start

to shift to be more accurate and

authentic to, again, our true core of

who we really are as people, not the box

that we were handed, but are true and authentic

souls.

to choose to step out of that box and say, you know

what? I'm not going to define myself.

by the expectations that you've

laid out that I should air quotes

be. I'm not gonna do that anymore. I'm not gonna choose to

let myself be defined by you.

So the metaphor I kinda like to use with this is it's

like having a ball of yarn in front of us. And the small of

yarn is all of our experiences

of being handed a box, having that box reinforced, having that

feeling of I'm not good enough, be reinforced,

having the expectations or the stereotypes or all

of the things that have said, this is who you are.

Right? All of that stuff is the

knots and the tangles and the yarn of the ball of yarn.

Now the yarn is still us. Right? And

as we start to untangle those beliefs,

those negative influences, those things that we say,

hey. You know what? No. I'm not going to accept this. I'm not gonna step

into this box. This is not who I am. You don't define me?

As we start to do that, we start to unravel the knots in the yarn.

We start to unravel the tangles.

And slowly, this, what once was a little

ball of yarn being tangled and compressed to fit

into a nice and tidy box. Now it

becomes a beautiful Long

piece of yarn that we now have

the ability to create something with.

and the ability to move forward the way that we want.

So this is why I feel like boxes

are really important. The concept of boxes

often make me very angry and frustrated

because I don't think anybody should live their

life feeling like they have to fit into a box. no

matter where that box came from, whether it came from

family, friends, society, culture,

jobs, Schooling, whatever it was, they

handed you this box. You don't have to live within

it. You can be your true and authentic

self. You can come home to that person.

So I'm gonna take a quick break from recording so I can take a

sip of water and so I can also share some resources.

I wanted to take a quick pause to share with you a few resources.

looking for ways to find more grounding and more mindfulness into your

daily life and with real actionable steps. I've developed a

workbook that will walk you through developing this skill. It comes from

a trauma informed lens. So if you've tried mindfulness

before and you felt like it was more triggering than useful, you could have

been actively dealing with a trauma response. So this

workbook is designed for trauma survivors, and more than that, it gives you

actionable steps and it's packed with information. So whether your

schedule looks like a stay at home caregiver, whether you're someone who works

the 9 to 5 or something else entirely. There's something in

this workbook for you. So you can head over to sole mission

dashemtherapy.com/ podcast. You can

submit scribe for our newsletter where you'll get reminders once a month about new

content and an email with that free workbook.

Again, that link is soul mission dashenvrtherapy.com/

podcast, and you can find that link in the show notes. If

you are enjoying this episode, and I truly hope that you are. If you

think that it might be useful for someone else, please consider leaving us a

review on your favorite podcast platform or on podcheaser.com

because that is the best way to get the word out about this podcast.

And lastly, if you'd like work with me and you live in either Arizona

or Florida, I now have openings for EMDR intensive

sessions. These are sessions that are longer than your standard

50 minute therapy session and can really help you reach a place of

grounding and healing from past trauma quicker than the standard

talk therapy session once per week. So if you'd like to find out

more about this, I invite you to set up a free 15 minute consultation where

we can chat about if this type of work is right for you. it

is also a great accompanyment for if you are already

working with a therapist and you're having a hard time breaking through some kind

of block or trauma response trauma trigger. You can go

to soul mission dashemdrtherapy.com/contact,

which will be in the show notes. Alright. Let's get back to today's

episode. I am back with the

second portion of the show. And in

this part of the show, I like to talk about how providers

are not robots. And this

piece really came from the idea that

a lot of the times when people first come to see

me, they are only seeing me within this

one little tiny perspective. Right? There's only a tiny little

window. And the oftentimes

that can kind of create a box within itself

of, you know, this person you

know, has it all together or, you know, whatever the case

is. And That's just

not true. No no person, no provider is perfect.

Everyone, has moments of humanness,

has struggled with their own stuff. Right? And so

this is where this part of the show was born out of.

And so for my my example today

because I think that it's, really

Apropos to, what I'm talking about.

I am going to share something

that, you know, every every human, every

person goes through stuff. Right? We all know that.

and even your therapist, even your doctors, even

your you know, whoever has gone through

stuff. Right? It's unavoidable. And

while a lot of my trauma didn't necessarily come from boxes

per se. I have had my own stuff that I've had to

work through. And pretty recently, I've been

going into EMDR therapy, surprised that I would pick

that type of therapy for myself, but you know, I'm not

biased or anything. I decided to go

in to see an EMDR therapist and

to work to unravel some of my own yarn,

some of my own stuff. Right? And

I will share. It is a little fascinating as a

EMDR therapist to be seen in EMDR therapist because there's

oftentimes where I have to, like, remind myself, don't be in the moment. Be in

the moment. Notice that. Feel that. Go with that, right,

versus, wow, that is fascinating that that was tied to this, and

this is over here. And, you know, it's

it's very interesting, to say the least.

to experience the process

from the outside and then also in the inside of

So I share this to say that

every human being goes through stuff you know,

big or small that stuff adds up

and impacts, you know, our nervous system, our

belief system, our ability to regulate

our thoughts and our feelings and our actions and all the stuff.

Right? And it's so important to

take the time to

process, to deal with it,

to come to a place of

balance and homeostasis, to be able

to Breathe and

release the

Just the negative beliefs that you're holding on to.

So I share that because

I think it's so important and so valuable. And because

I'm not perfect, I'm a human being too.

So on to my trauma tip of the week.

So because we are exploring

this topic of boxes today, I wanna share this specific trauma

tip. Oh, take a moment

and either get out your phone or get a notepad out

or some way, shape, or form, start writing

down the different boxes that are present in your life.

Again, this can come in so many forms and

so many different, places of identity.

But take some time and really notice

what are the things that have been

influencing or the expectations that you've been

placing on yourself because

other people, other things other,

again, society, culture, whatever, have been placing on you

previously. So take some time to identify

where your boxes are. Right? Where do

these these boxes show up? And

again, knowledge is power. So from there,

start making a plan. What is one

small way that I can choose

to step out of this box this week. So, for

example, if you know,

part of if one of your boxes may be,

struggling with mental health. Right? And so if you

have high anxiety, feeling on Angela at

the time, feeling like you need to be perfect, feeling like

Feeling overwhelmed, feeling frustrated,

just having a lot of those different anxiety symptoms

coming up. So if that's you, for example,

maybe starting with this week, what is one

way that I can practice embracing

the fact that I'm not perfect, and it's still okay.

or maybe even this week or today. Let's

even take it even smaller. Today, I am going to

choose to notice at least one experience,

one event, one moment in time.

where I didn't do something exactly perfect,

and it still ended up okay.

Right? That's a super small step relating back

to that box. Right?

And if maybe you don't

notice or it's hard to keep that in mind,

maybe setting a reminder. Right? setting reminders

is a great thing. I use it all the time. So

maybe setting a reminder in your phone, you know, to go

off every once an hour, you know, hey, notice.

Right? Notice when maybe you didn't do something perfect

and everyone still was alive.

Right? And start

looking for those moments. Start looking for those small steps

to come out of that box. to

start start stepping outside of the box

because at some point, those small steps are gonna turn into bigger

steps. And pretty soon, you'll be completely

outside of the box standing next to it saying, hey. Here's

these expectations that I once held myself up

to. And here's who I truly am.

And now we're gonna burn the box of the ground.

Alright. The last portion of the show is

the final fast, sometimes funny questions. And, again,

this is just to hone in on my humanness and who

I am as a person. And

Again, providers aren't robots. So, where

would I go if I could visit any place on earth?

And today,

you know, today, I feel like I

Trying to think location wise.

Being in, like, a a snowy mountain, like, a

little cabin and a snowy mountain, maybe somewhere with a lot of

mountain scape and just a beautiful beautiful scenery,

somewhere snowy somewhere where I can just sit inside and

enjoy, a cup of tea or hot chocolate

or hot coffee just people to experience the beauty

from being warm inside. right now, I

am located in Phoenix, Arizona, and it is hot here in the

middle of August. And,

yeah, it would be nice to to experience some snow even

though That's, not where I am.

I should pineapple beyond pizza. I've already shared this many, many

times on many So it's here. I love pineapple

on pizza, especially with barbecue sauce. And when the pizza is hot

and the pineapple is cold, and that sounds like an excellent dinner.

What makes me inspired or motivated to do

this work that I love? And I think this is

probably one of the core pieces of that

is helping people come out of those

boxes and processing those events, those

traumas, those things that impacted

the feeling of I have to be in this box. I have

to live here because it's when I get to help

someone, tap into

their authentic self and

really shift their perspective and their belief

from I'm not enough to

actually, I am enough. The world around me is just

broken. or some variation of that

is is really inspiring.

What is one thing that people are generally prize to find out

about me.

I'm I can't recall if I've shared this on here before.

But something that people might be

generally surprised to find out about me is that I I do

love I am an introvert, and I do love spending

time on my own. and maybe

this is where the yarn metaphor comes from. I have just

started to learn how to crochet. And so that has been

a nice little activity that I get to do.

You know, throw on some music or some TV for some background noise

and I just do this little crochet project

and you know, it's it's really nice and it's,

it's good for my introvert self.

What does a simple moment of pure joy look like for me.

And I come back to this one. I think every episode that I've

shared, it is a moment where I

am looking at my kiddo and he is smiling and

laughing or I'm looking at my partner and he is smiling and

laughing. and I'm just able

to be there in that moment and enjoy

the joy. It's a beautiful thing.

So I hope you have enjoyed today's episode of

moving out of trauma. I definitely enjoyed

unpacking this proverbial box with you today.

And I really truly hope that you

have gained something from it that you can

start Again, start burning those boxes to the ground.

Right? Start start stepping outside of them first before you burn them to

the ground because you don't deserve to burn with them. But

ways that you can start to live your most

authentic life. So thank you for

joining me. I'll see you again soon.

Thank you so much for joining me today on

episode and you think it might be useful for someone else, please consider leaving us

a review on your favorite podcast platform or on podcheaser

com. And if you have any questions at all, I would absolutely love

to hear from you. You can find me over on Instagram at full

mission_andrtherapy. or on Facebook at

Full Mission EMBR therapy. If you'd like, please

stay tuned for the visualization exercises coming up next to

transition to the next part of your day. And remember, you did

not choose trauma, and you can choose your path

towards healing. This is moving out of trauma.

So I just want to invite you to find a comfortable

position And to make sure that you're doing this exercise

somewhere, safe, somewhere where you feel,

that you can take a few moments for yourself and

definitely not while you're driving. So we're gonna start

with the container activity and then move into the calm

steep place. So it's good to have a

secure place where you can store memories and issues

and and things that may need still some work.

but also maybe you don't need to focus on them right at this

point. So if you think about it, almost like -- cleaning up

the files on your desktop computer. So you can just

feel a little bit less overwhelmed and focus a little bit more efficiently.

Files are in a safe place. You can access them the

next time that you need to.

So to start creating this container, I'd like you to imagine

some kind of container or storage system

that can securely hold as much as you need it to

for as long as you need it to until you're ready to work

on it again. So this container can

be something you imagine. It could be

something that's real. We just wanna make

sure that this container has a lid or

some type of secure closure. So that way there's a way

to take things out only when you want to.

Now it's important to note we don't wanna put people in containers,

but we can put memories and feelings and any kind

of situations. So take a moment and

really think about what that container might look like.

Notice how the container feels.

Notice how it feels that it's there for you.

Should you choose to use it or when you choose to use it?

And now, if you need to use that container, I want you to

picture allowing whatever needs to go in there.

to take its place in there. This can

happen slowly. This can happen quickly.

However, it needs to happen. It's okay. Just

allow the pieces, the memories,

thoughts, the feelings, the situation, whatever it is.

It just slowly takes its place.

into that container.

Now, once you feel like The things that need

to be in the container are in there. I want you to close

that container. some people like to

imagine that there's a lock there or some kind

of secured closure beyond just a a lid.

So if you like, you can go ahead and lock that.

And then just imagine it kind of taking its place back into wherever

it needs to So this could be a place that

you think of in your home. This could be

an imaginary place, wherever it is.

Just some place that we know that it's there when we need it.

And now we're gonna transition to that calm state

change place. So this is a really

good activity to develop a

couple of ways to feel more calm and secure without

really needing to rely on something or someone external than

us. So one way we can do this to

create this type of place that you can visit

internally whenever you want Kind of like having

an instant mini vacation on demand.

So see if you can think of a place where you might feel a

sense of calm or a sense of well-being.

You can imagine a place that's similar to one that you've experienced

or heard about. or read about.

It's best not to use a specific memory with people. though, from

your own history. So some people like to think of the

beach or the woods.

mountains, maybe some place they feel

cozy.

So just notice this place.

Notice what you hear.

Notice what you smell.

Look around. What do you see?

What do you feel? maybe

either the temperature, the time of

day. Even

down to how you feel in your body. as you imagine

yourself in this place.

Really just allowing yourself to soak up every single

positive part of this place.

The way it looks. the

things that you hear,

the things that you smell.

the things that you might be able to touch, any textures or

temperatures,

and really encap sealating. What you feel in your

body is you're in this place

as long as it feels good and

calm in a place of centeredness.

Now knowing that this place is always available to you

because it is within you. It's a

place of your very own making, a place

that you can return anytime you need.

Whether it's for quick deep breaths,

returning the center, or maybe even winding

down for the evening. This

place is always here for you.

So this recording is going to finish, but if you'd like

to stay in this place a while longer, you're more than welcome to do

so. And I hope that you'll join me next time on