Shownotes
Tog interviews Pastel Pumpernickel, their first "get" for the new Grackleton Gazette project. Tog learns about Pastel's battle after a failed baking show pitch at Grack Public Access.
Credits, contact, and more info
This comedy audio drama / audio fiction series was created, written, improvised, edited, and produced by Jen deHaan. All dialog in the episodes is fully improvised.
Voices: Jen deHaan (any voices by guests are noted above)
Artwork, logo, and graphics: Jen deHaan.
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This podcast is a StereoForest production. Made and produced in British Columbia, Canada.
Mentioned in this episode:
Toque and Trowel! Coming soon from StereoForest.
Ready to dig in? To find nourishment and strength right in your own kitchen and garden? Stereoforest.com presents Toque and Trowel, hosted by Jen deHaan in Canada. This is your weekly podcast for practical gardening tips for easy to grow food that works. Learn how to whip up affordable, low-effort plant-based meals that are healthy and taste amazing. And discover ways to tend to your mental well-being in today's world. Find resilience in the connection between Kitchen, Garden, Mind. Join Jen deHaan for Toque and Trowel. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts, or visit StereoForest.com to learn more.
Transcripts
WEBVTT
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::This week on the show, TOG does their
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::first interview for the Grackleton Gazette, a conversation
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::with Pastel Pumpernickel.
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::You're with TOG Chesterfield here on 101.7
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::FM The Grack.
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::I'm trying to pick up the pieces and
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::fix up my life after I hit rock
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::bottom, and I'm taking you along as I
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::try new things and attempt to embrace life.
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::Welcome to the show.
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::Right now it's 5.02 PM.
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::I'll be with you here for your commute,
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::or while you prepare dinner, or while you
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::attempt to make that picture on the wall
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::across from your recliner exactly perpendicular with the
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::floor.
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::I'm your uninvited guest for the evening, or
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::I mean invited if you chose to dial
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::into this FM station, I suppose.
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::Tonight I get to share one of my
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::very first interviews for the Grackleton Gazette.
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::You might remember Pastel Pumpernickel.
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::She was in one of my very first
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::shows here on the station.
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::I took a class from Pastel to learn
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::how to make sourdough and sourdough starters.
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::Anyway, Pastel met me at a coffee shop
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::here in Grackleton where she works.
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::She works there baking all of their bread
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::and pastries for them, and we met really
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::early in the morning before they got busy,
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::and she let me share our interview here
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::on the show.
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::I wanted to share this interview because it
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::has to do with unfucking her life, just
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::like I'm trying to do right now with
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::mine.
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::Oh, speaking of Pastel, Baxter Clutch had to
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::move out because Baxter's mom needed them to
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::move in because of a sock situation.
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::So now Keith Evergreen is moving into my
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::place, who is Eaton Evergreen's brother, and Eaton
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::made a surprise appearance on the same show
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::where you met Pastel.
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::Grackleton is pretty small, isn't it, you guys?
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::This is Unfuck Your Life with Todd Chesterfield
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::on 101.7 FM, The Grack.
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::We'll be back after a quick break with
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::my interview with Pastel Pumpernickel.
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::Unfuck your life with Todd Chesterfield.
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::Back to the show.
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::Pastel and I have some stuff in common.
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::We both lost things that were really important
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::to us.
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::I lost my job at Apocalypse.cloud, and
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::Pastel lost a major opportunity too.
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::She pitched a bakery segment to the Grack
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::Public Access Station.
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::Here's my interview with Pastel, which I recorded
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::over the weekend at a brand new coffeehouse
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::downtown called The Nested Bean Where Pastel Works.
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::Thank you for joining me here, Pastel.
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::So can you tell us what happened at
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::the pitch?
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::Well, Tog, I mean, that's sort of the
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::million-dollar question, if you will.
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::I mean, it was my pitch was literally
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::a million dollars.
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::I mean, for multiple episodes, though, for multiple
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::segments.
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::But yeah, so I had this idea where
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::I wanted to have some drones come in,
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::and that was because I was pitching them
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::an outdoor kitchen where I would bake my
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::breads and my sourdoughs.
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::And it was going to be outdoors, so
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::we had to accommodate for the weather.
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::And I had this fantastic idea of having
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::a drone come in.
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::It was going to be flying in and
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::then over the wood fire stove, and it
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::was going to be fantastic.
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::But they said no.
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::Oh, they didn't like the idea?
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::Well, they said your pitch is a million
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::dollars, and we have no budget.
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::Oh, that makes sense, I guess.
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::Well, I asked them what they were going
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::to pay me with, but they said, well,
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::this is public access, so you're here at
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::will.
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::I mean, they also told me I could
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::use my own million dollars, but then I
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::told them, well, I don't have a million
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::dollars.
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::And they said, well, neither do we.
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::And so it ended up being a no.
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::Oh, well, that's too bad.
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::I mean, come to think of it, it
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::might be a little bit like what happened
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::with your potato thing, Tog.
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::No, it's nothing like the incident.
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::Oh, okay.
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::And that's what led to your depression, the
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::TV pitch?
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::Yes.
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::Okay, so what was the depression like?
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::Well, Tog, I think it was pretty much
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::like any other depressions.
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::I mean, I don't think I was really
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::special in the depression department or anything like
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::that.
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::I mean, I think most people have difficulty
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::in the mornings, and that's where I really
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::noticed it, because I'm a morning person.
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::I mean, look at me here, first thing
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::in the morning, up with the birds, baking
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::all these pastries and this bread.
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::I mean, look at this sourdough right here,
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::Tog.
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::Oh, it's gorgeous.
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::I just lost everything.
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::I used to do this full continental breakfast.
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::It had the beans and the sausages.
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::You like a good bean, don't you, Tog?
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::I know you're into the potatoes.
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::Oh, I like beans too.
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::I sometimes did a hash brown that you
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::would probably like, Tog.
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::Oh, yeah?
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::Oh, it was just fabulous.
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::And I would do some of my sourdough,
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::of course, on the side.
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::Of course.
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::Sop up all that food.
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::It was wonderful.
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::Oh, it sounds lovely, Pastel.
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::Yeah, I just didn't do any of that.
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::Oh, of course.
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::Yeah, that's understandable.
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::Well, it took every morning.
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::It just took hours to complete anything.
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::I mean, Tog, sometimes I wouldn't even brush
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::my teeth.
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::I can't believe that I'm admitting that here.
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::Oh, well, I didn't either, so we'll both
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::admit it.
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::Well, I also had, you know, this distinct
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::inability, I suppose, to just make basic decisions.
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::I mean, I couldn't decide what to eat.
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::I mean, I wouldn't be able to decide
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::between a bowl of cornflakes versus my continental
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::breakfast.
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::I mean, I couldn't decide what to wear.
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::Tog, I mean, I wore a smock all
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::the week long.
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::The same smock.
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::And I would wear it to bed too.
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::Oh, I get that.
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::I didn't change my clothes for long periods
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::of time.
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::I mean, I wore the same sweater yesterday.
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::And I, you know, Tog, I mostly gave
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::up, you know, most of my hobbies.
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::I loved the baking and I didn't do
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::the baking even.
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::I loved to go out in the garden.
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::I didn't do any of those things.
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::Oh, yeah, I love gardening as well.
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::I have a scarecrow.
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::The clutter and the dishes and everything would
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::pile up.
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::But, you know, I am going to admit
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::it here.
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::I mean, I am here for an interview
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::and I should be honest.
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::I mean, for me, it just, the thing
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::that just bothered me the most, and I
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::don't really know why, but it was, it
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::really affected how I did the onions.
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::The onions?
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::Yes, the onions.
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::Well, do explain if you can.
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::Well, it was how I chopped the onions.
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::I have, I guess I'll have to explain
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::this, Tog.
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::Okay, yeah.
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::See, the onions, I had a very particular
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::way that I would chop the onions, Tog.
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::Right.
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::I would take the onions and I would
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::chop them in a very exacting way that
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::actually corresponded with the layer that the onion,
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::well, like the thickness of the active onion
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::layer.
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::So I would chop in such a way
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::where regardless of what layer was in question,
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::every single piece would basically be exactly the
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::same.
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::Can't you do that with like one of
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::those little choppers that have the squares?
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::Well, see, here's the thing, Tog.
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::I believe that if you use one of
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::those onion choppers, that's, it's akin to cheating.
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::Oh, I see.
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::I mean, not like cheating with a part,
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::you know, cheating against your part, cheating, cheating
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::on your partner.
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::It's like cheating on your onion.
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::And Tog, see, I take it very seriously.
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::I tend to, a lot of my self
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::-worth is wrapped up in how I prepare
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::my onions.
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::And you see, my depression affected that.
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::Oh, how you did it.
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::It was very important to me.
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::So I, you know, I just, I ended
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::up, I noticed I was doing a rough
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::chop.
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::Right, oh.
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::Yeah, like a rustic chop, a really rough
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::and rustic chop.
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::And that wasn't who I was.
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::I noticed it with the onions and that
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::just, it was something that I just took
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::as just a definitive sign that I was
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::definitely in a depression if I was producing
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::onions, even just for the household in that
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::manner.
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::Just such a rustic rough chop meant that
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::I was definitely in depression.
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::Right, okay.
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::But what did it feel like, your depression,
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::when you noticed you're in it?
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::Oh, what a good question, Tog.
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::Oh, thank you.
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::I knew it, this.
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::Well, you see, it's like, I mean, a
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::lot of people say getting out of depression
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::is like climbing up a mountain.
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::And I mean, I could say that I
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::was in a valley, but I think probably
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::a little bit more accurate is like I
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::was living underwater and everything slows down and
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::everything is kind of muffled and the surface
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::just seems so far away.
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::But I think maybe it's a little bit
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::more like you're a guppy.
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::Like a fish?
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::Yes, Tog, a guppy, you know, those small
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::fish, the little ones.
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::You see, Tog, guppies, I think, I'm not
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::a guppy expert by any means, Tog, but
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::a guppy has a very particular spot that
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::they would need to live, you know.
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::In order to thrive, if you will.
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::See, I was like a guppy that was
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::in, you know, too deep of the water
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::or just in some place that the guppy
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::wasn't supposed to be.
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::Right, dangerous to the guppy.
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::And you see, I knew that I had
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::to get to another place in the water,
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::but I just couldn't.
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::Right.
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::I think I get it, Pastel.
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::And what happened next?
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::When did things start turning around for you?
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::Well, you see, that's the funny thing, Tog,
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::is just when I was in the depression
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::itself, I really felt, you know, that I
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::couldn't get to that other place because I
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::was this guppy in this deep, weird part
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::of the ocean I wasn't supposed to be
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::in, you know.
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::Right.
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::So what happened was my partner, Puck, they
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::were injured and they really needed my help.
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::And it was really quite simple what they
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::needed, but I was shocked that I was
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::able to provide that.
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::It was just, it was the strangest thing.
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::I mean, by all intents and purposes, I
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::shouldn't have been able to help at all.
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::I couldn't even decide what to wear, Tog.
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::I was wearing my smock all week long,
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::but suddenly I just leapt into action.
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::I had this feeling of terror, Tog.
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::And that feeling of terror just seemed to
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::give me great clarity.
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::It was so strange, Tog.
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::I mean, the fog it lifted, it was
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::like I was lifted to the right part
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::of the ocean for my guppy self.
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::It was only because it was like a
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::five alarm fire in my bakery.
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::It was like it was in the kitchen
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::and blaring and I had to get my
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::prized loaf out of the kitchen before it
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::burned.
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::I mean, Tog, I don't want to make
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::it seem like my partner, Puck, is like
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::a loaf of bread.
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::I mean, a loaf of bread is one
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::of my favorite things and Puck is also
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::one of my favorite things.
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::So I guess comparing my partner, Puck, to
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::a loaf of bread isn't really a bad
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::thing, but I guess it probably sounds pretty
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::weird to most people.
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::But anyways, it was like the fire was
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::in the kitchen and I had to get
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::the loaf out.
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::I mean, Tog, I had this fear, this
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::terror, if you will, that if I didn't
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::do the right things, that my partner would
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::never get better and without my support, maybe
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::they would leave or maybe the whole house
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::would collapse or something awful would happen.
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::So whatever that was, it just suddenly made
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::me not really in the depression anymore.
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::So what did you do then when you
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::realized you could do things again?
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::Oh, well, that's a good question, Tog.
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::Thank you.
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::I'm new at this.
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::I found myself just kind of able to
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::do all these things that were entirely impossible
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::before.
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::I was able to organize some of the
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::appointments that we needed to go to and
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::I was able to keep the house functional
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::too and I was able to actually cook
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::again.
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::I was making my continental breakfast and all
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::these nutritious meals as well.
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::I mean, I made this meal, Tog.
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::It was just fantastic.
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::Oh, you would like it, Tog.
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::It was actually potato gnocchis.
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::I took the potato gnocchis and I just
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::fried them in butter.
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::Oh, it was so good.
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::And I fried them in the butter and
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::then I went and I roasted them in
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::a wood burning stove that I have.
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::I have it off my back deck.
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::I guess I could have filmed the show
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::there on my back deck.
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::Oh, anyways.
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::See, I roasted them in my wood stove
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::and then I just threw some arugula on
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::top and a little bit of balsamic vinegar.
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::Oh, oh, it was so good.
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::Oh, and then I took...
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::Oh, Tog, you'll like this because it's potato
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::gnocchis.
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::And then I took some of the red
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::pepper flakes.
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::You know what I call them, Tog?
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::RPFs?
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::You'll never guess.
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::RPFs.
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::Oh, you were right.
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::Yes, I do call them RPFs.
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::You call them RPFs too, Tog?
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::I do, Pasta.
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::Oh, see, we're connecting over RPFs.
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::Who would have thought?
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::Anyways, yes, it was just a fantastic meal.
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::So why do you think you could suddenly
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::do all those things?
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::Well, I think it was the fear, you
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::know.
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::It was a non-paralyzing fear.
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::I mean, usually we get fear, we're paralyzed.
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::But this was like fear that was motivating.
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::Like I was motivated by the fear.
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::It like booted my behind into action.
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::And it was like stronger than the depression,
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::I suppose.
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::But what I figured at the time, Tog,
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::and I mean, this is where it gets
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::kind of real, is I felt that that
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::wouldn't last forever.
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::And then I kind of got fearful of
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::that.
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::Like, when is this going to be over?
389
::You know, when is this not going to
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::work anymore?
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::So it kind of helped me a little,
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::to be honest.
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::But I knew it wasn't going to necessarily
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::be reliable, you know.
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::At least that's what I reckoned.
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::So I used it as my opportunity to
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::have enough energy to get myself out of
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::that ocean as the guppy, you know, to
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::kind of flop my way up to the
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::right part of the ocean.
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::And then I could, from there, kind of
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::fix myself, if you will.
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::Do you understand what I mean, Tog?
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::Yeah, I do.
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::I do understand, Pastel.
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::But do you, though?
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::I think I do.
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::You think you do?
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::Yes.
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::Oh, that's good.
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::Anyways, I just didn't know if I made
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::sense.
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::Oh, I think you make sense.
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::So how are you like digging yourself out
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::and protecting yourself from falling into the ocean
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::again?
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::Well, Tog, now I have my routines.
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::And I mean, now I'm working here as
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::well, which really helps.
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::But I also have routines, even when I'm
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::working, that I, you know, the ones that
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::I make myself.
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::So here, let me show you.
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::This is my book.
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::Oh, that's nice.
426
::Can you see?
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::Yeah, it's got a grid.
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::So I have my full schedule on here.
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::And actually, it shows me that I have
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::to leave this conversation at 7.32. Oh,
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::that's coming up close for us.
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::Well, yes, we are, actually.
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::And I also, I watch for the warning
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::signs of executive dysfunction.
435
::And what's that?
436
::Well, the onions, of course.
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::Oh, of course.
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::Rustic chop.
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::And it's time for the weather.
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::Tonight's weather for your drive at five with
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::Un-Fuck Your Life is brought to you
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::by the nested bean on 10th and Stern
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::Street, where the beans are roasted darker than
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::Grackleton's secrets.
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::Oh, saucy.
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::Night, Grackleton is expecting about three water millimeters
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::of rain north of 10th Street, but significantly
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::less than elsewhere.
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::You just learned all about the weather.
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::And that's it for the weather on your
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::drive at five from the nested bean.
452
::The nested bean.
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::Our coffee is like Grackleton weather, surprisingly intense
454
::and oddly satisfying.
455
::Oh, well, that's saucy.
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::Un-Fuck Your Life with Todd Chesterfield.
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::So my interview with Pastel revealed a lot
458
::about her experience looking after her partner, Puck,
459
::but also about her own mind.
460
::I had no idea Pastel had been through
461
::so much when I was taking her class.
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::That's the wild thing, listener.
463
::You never really know, do you?
464
::But Pastel taught me something about getting motivated
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::to change yourself.
466
::Sometimes it might be because of your fear,
467
::a fear of something being worse than if
468
::you don't act right away.
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::And I realized that maybe I've been doing
470
::all these things, all these businesses and adventures
471
::that I've told you about, because I'm fearful
472
::of being a permanent disappointment to people like
473
::after losing my job or becoming irrelevant in
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::the community in Grackleton because I no longer
475
::go to a workplace.
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::Or what if I never find meaning again
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::in the things that I do?
478
::But if I just use those things to
479
::push me to un-fuck my life, I
480
::don't think that it will last a long
481
::time.
482
::Just like Pastel said.
483
::Like her, I need to find some kind
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::of intrinsic motivation based on the things that
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::Todd values, on the things that I want,
486
::not just try to escape from the things
487
::I fear and...
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::Hey, Todd there, buddy.
489
::I am really, really sorry for bugging you
490
::here, but I have a really, really, really,
491
::really quick question for you, man.
492
::Okay.
493
::So I was looking at the situation down
494
::in the kitchen and I just wanted to
495
::see if it was okay.
496
::I got your note there about using half
497
::your fridge, but I'm like, I don't need
498
::to use half your fridge.
499
::I could actually just use my own if
500
::that's okay with you.
501
::Oh, you brought your own fridge along?
502
::Yeah, I usually roll with my own fridge
503
::when I move into places.
504
::I bring my own fridge and I like
505
::put it next to the fridge that's in
506
::the place that I'm coming into.
507
::Like I was wondering if you're okay with
508
::that.
509
::Yeah, I suppose.
510
::I guess that's okay.
511
::Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can make a
512
::fit.
513
::I got a crowbar in my car.
514
::I could just, I just usually winch it
515
::in a little, just a little bit of
516
::a winch.
517
::Oh, a winch with a crowbar.
518
::I'll see, I'll see if it works.
519
::Are you okay with me seeing if that
520
::works?
521
::Yeah, go look.
522
::Awesome.
523
::Okay.
524
::I'll just close the door here for you
525
::there, buddy.
526
::Okay.
527
::So that's it for this week's episode of
528
::the show here on 101.7 FM The
529
::Grack.
530
::Stay tuned for mailbox decor, jazzing up your
531
::mailbox with Marianne Foote, but with an intentional
532
::emission of bedazzling.
533
::What the?
534
::You have been listening to Un-Fuck Your
535
::Life with Tog Chesterfield, a Stereo Forest production.
536
::This episode was written, directed, edited, produced, and
537
::all voices were by Jen DeHaan.
538
::You can find all show notes and sign
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::up to get notified about new episodes on
540
::StereoForest.com.
