In this episode of the Where Parents Talk podcast, host Lianne Castelino speaks to Rebecca Faye Smith Galli — columnist, resilience expert, advocate, and bestselling author — about what it truly means to live with resilience in the face of unimaginable loss and change.

A mother of four (including two children with special needs) and a grandmother, Smith Galli’s journey has been marked by profound challenges — from losing her brother at a young age, to raising children with epilepsy and autism, to becoming paralyzed just days after a divorce. Through it all, she’s discovered practical wisdom and hope that continue to inspire parents and caregivers around the world.

Together, the conversation unpacks the real meaning of resilience — how to face adversity with honesty, accept what cannot be changed, and still find ways to live fully and joyfully. Smith Galli shares her strategies for staying “possibility-driven,” teaching children about emotional awareness, and nurturing family connection amid uncertainty.

Key themes:

• Defining resilience through lived experience
• Parenting children with special needs
• Coping with grief, loss, and unexpected change
• Finding hope through journaling, mindfulness, and daily intention
• Modelling resilience and emotional honesty for kids

Takeaways:

• Hormonal changes during adolescence can significantly affect communication and discipline in young adults.
• Social media usage has created new avenues for bullying, impacting emotional and mental health among teens.
• Establishing independence is crucial for teens, but it's equally important to foster open communication with them.
• The integration of physical health and emotional well-being is vital for resilience in facing life's challenges.
• Understanding consent and relationships is essential for teaching teens about healthy interactions in a digital age.
• Parents should embrace the concept of resilience, encouraging their children to adapt and thrive despite life's adversities.

Links referenced in this episode:

• whereparentstalk.com

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Pathfinders for Autism

This podcast is for parents, guardians, teachers and caregivers to learn proven strategies and trusted tips on raising kids, teens and young adults based on science, evidenced and lived experience.

You’ll learn the latest on topics like managing bullying, consent, fostering healthy relationships, and the interconnectedness of mental, emotional and physical health.

Foreign.

Welcome to the Where Parents Talk podcast. We help grow better parents through science, evidence and the lived experience of other parents.

Learn how to better navigate the mental and physical health of your tween teen or young adult through proven expert advice. Here's your host, Lianne Castelino.

Welcome to Where Parents talk. My name is Lianne Castelino. Our guest today is a columnist and a resilience expert.

Rebecca Faye Smith Galli is also an advocate and a best selling author. She writes books about love, loss, healing and resilience.

Her latest book is called Morning Daily Inspirations to Stretch youh Mind before starting your day. Becky is also a mother of four, including two children with special needs and she's a grandmother. She joins us today from Baltimore, Maryland.

Thank you so much for taking the time.

Oh, it's wonderful to be here. Thanks for having me.

And we're going to be talking about the topic of resilience, which we're hearing about more than ever, depending on who you talk to in just about every aspect of life. I'd like to start, Becky, by asking you, how do you go about defining resilience?

Well, you know, it's interesting when I talk about resilience, I sometimes ask the folks I'm talking to, has ever your life not gone as planned and asked them to raise their hand. And inevitably everybody raises their hand.

And what I've said is if you are here and we're talking and your life has not gone as planned, you got here and so you have experienced resilience, you have overcome some challenge to keep going to get in this very place as you and I have probably this afternoon to to talk. So it's really about getting unstuck, staying unstuck in whatever we're dealing with, with life's challenges.

And I kind of pivot to that, to that inner strength and the motivation to keep going.

You mention your paralysis, you talk about challenges and certainly your life has been marked by all kinds of different challenges. Can you take us through some of what those challenges have been and what have they taught you about your personal resilience?

You know, the first experience I had with that was when I was 20 years old. I was in college and my 17 year old brother died in a Water skiing accident. And that really shook me. Age 20, you're, you're pretty invincible.

You think that nothing really bad is going to happen, that you got it under control. And then when that happened, it really shook our family. We are a very close knit family of five.

But when I look back about that loss versus the others that I've had, which include a son with epilepsy, a daughter with autism, my divorce, and then nine days later, my paralysis, I do think that that very first loss of losing my brother at that age taught me a lot of things that have, that have carried with me through each of these losses. Because I think what I realized, and I really didn't capture that learning until I, until I wrote about it in my first book, Rethinking Possible.

But when I, when I looked at what I learned, I got to watch my parents cope with a very devastating loss. Their only son, I was the oldest and my sister was 17 months younger.

And what I learned from that is that we, how we all, we treated that loss differently, we handled it differently, we moved through it, we all kept moving through it. But my father was very public about that. He could speak about his grief. He later wrote a book about it. My mother was very private.

She joined support groups to help give her sustenance. I was away at college.

My girlfriends helped me move through the loss by just keeping me active and engaged in something very different than the environment where the loss happened. But my sister wanted to be with him because that whole community had lost him. And they were very close since they were only a year apart.

So we had to get her special counseling to help her keep moving. So my, my lessons in all that were you have to accept the loss and you have to find the resources to help you keep moving through that loss.

And I've used that time and time again as life keeps whipping its. With whipping its waves, I try to keep surfing well.

And you know, when you describe that it is such a profound loss at such a young age, and there you are watching different people around you and how they're reacting to it while you're coping with your own grief that may or may not come when you expect it.

Right?

Grief comes in different ways for different people. When you look back on that time since it, you know, you describe it as sort of grounding you in terms of your ability to, to be resilient.

What else did it teach you about yourself? Becky, when you reflect back on it, do you think.

I think it, it really gave me a kind of a framework for handling unexpected Things. And the first was to be very honest about the pain and the loss that you're feeling.

I write about, you know, being actually angry, you know, that I had lost my brother and how that feeling felt so strange. But then, you know, my. My father and mother were very accepting of that. They. They too were angry. It didn't seem fair that. That he.

This kid, he was, you know, the kid that was president, student council. He was a musician, an athlete, a leader, all great plans to do wonderful things in this world. And why that.

That life was taken so quickly and so unexpectedly.

But to be honest about the situation and also not only how you're feeling, but your capacity to deal with it, you know, what are your resources that you have to help you keep moving through it? And for me, it was my girlfriends, for my sister, it was therapy for my parents. They each had their own way.

And that taught me that there's not one right way to get through things. There's multiple ways that you can get through it. And then also the fact that you need resources most often. We can't do it all by ourselves.

We need to reach out to other people who may have expertise or knowledge. And different people offer different things. I call it, who's in your boat with you as you're going through this? Stormy. Who can help you and.

And be a support. Maybe it's just a listening ear, a really good listener. Not one that's trying to you advice all the time, but just a really good listener.

So I think that that methodology, that. That framework of. Of looking at a situation, and it's like, man, this is something I didn't plan. And I'm having to deal with it.

How do I deal with it? Be honest. Look at your resources and find a way to keep moving.

You talk also about the struggles that you encountered with your own children.

Loss, again, with respect to your son, a very different circumstance, you know, in what ways did going through your brother's experience help you to not only accept and grieve that loss of your own child, but to continue to move forward?

Well, I think that it's important to get to acceptance in your own way, in your own time, but also to use that to push off into thinking what's.

What's still available for you in the future to keep, I call it kind of possibility driven, you know, and a little kind of cheat I give myself sometimes is when I'm feeling stuck in whatever, you know, whether it be the loss or the anger. So even though I'm angry, I can still, you Know, make, take a step forward in another direction.

And this, even though whatever this circumstance is, I can still gives you that possibility mindset where you can look forward into something that you can still do. Even though I'm paralyzed, I can still write. You know, even though my children live far away from me, I can still be in touch with them.

So to try to adopt that as a mindset, to keep you moving through it.

And, and I saw that in our family life after, after my brother's death, I mean, it was very hard to acknowledge we were only a family of four instead of five. But we, we figured out new ways to be family. And, and that's a lot of, there's a lot of reinvention that goes on when you've had a significant loss.

It's so important to hear the coping mechanisms that you used and what you rely on because we are living in a world today where we've got an epide, mental health challenges. We've got lots of people struggling in their own way, in their own worlds really, where resilience is a real challenge for them.

You know, trying to overcome whatever obstacle in front of them is really, is really a heavy lift.

So when you look at, you know, your own children's struggles, and we talked about two of your kids as well, how would you say that they have shaped your understanding of what it means to be resilient?

I think they broadened it in a way because when you're dealing with special needs children, you're, you're not really sure the expected outcome. There's such a variety of that and it's. It a.

When I was dealing with my son's epilepsy, we weren't sure at the time whether or not he could outgrow them.

And when you're a therapist gave me this, another image that I use a lot, which is called parallel paths, where you, you put your, your very best hope on one path and then you put the thing you fear the most, the reality that could be on the other path. But, but you actively journey on both paths at the same time.

So that on the hopeful path, I could imagine that he become, you know, get right back on track developmentally and the seizures stop.

But on the other path, I could envision what would care look like for him if I, if this didn't happen, what resources could I put into place for that? And so I was really journeying on two paths at the same time. So that as, as one path became clearer, I was not ill prepared.

I had thought about it, I had prepared for it.

And it was a little bit easier to accept the reality because I'd been in motion, I hadn't been stuck, I hadn't been obsessing on, you know, the awfulness of the situation. I mean, I always give myself time to. To feel that feeling of the awfulness, the unfairness, all that.

I think that's really important, to be honest with yourself about how that feels. But at the same, what are you doing next? And so this parallel path, like hope versus reality, I used that with his epilepsy.

I used that with my daughter's autism. I used that with my own paralysis because my future was uncertain, too. The.

The incident I had was called transverse myelitis, which a third recover fully, a third recover partially, a third have no recovery at all. And so I. I had a. I could be hopeful. You know, I could be hopeful. Two thirds had some recovery. So I held these paths and journeyed on both.

And when it became clear after about you know, 19 months that. That I wasn't going to get any return back, I said, you know what? I'm. Let that path go.

And all the energy I spent on that path, I could now devote to living life fully from a wheelchair. And I think that's really what it's all about. It's figuring out how to live fully in whatever life parameters you wind up being in.

It really does sound, as you describe it, to be a lot about mindset, right? And, you know, training your mind, training your brain to accept the thought that you want it to dominate.

So in this case, hope is what I'm hearing you say when you went through your divorce and then shortly thereafter got this, really, a devastating diagnosis for anybody. These were two different obstacles that you now had to grapple with, really back to back. So in many ways, very new.

How did you go about dealing with those challenges? And were they very different, the coping mechanisms that you used in those two instances?

They. They were. I will say that again, the parallel paths. When we were trying to figure out would we be married or would we be divorced, I.

We were in counseling for three years. It was a very thoughtful, lengthy process.

And the first counseling session we had, I went into the therapist and said, look, I either want an amazing marriage or I want an amazing divorce, but either one, we are going to work hard to make sure that we treat each other kindly, fairly, respectfully, have our children's best interests at heart, and work to have amazing communications. And so it was a lot of work. It was very painful. But the ending that we came to was agreeable for both of us.

And I think we're even still friends today. And it's been 28 years, so it's something we worked hard on.

But the jolt of the paralysis, waking up with shooting pains in my legs and not understanding it in six hours, not being able to use my legs, he was, you know, I called my dad to ask, first of all, because he had shooting pains and I'd had, he'd had kidney stones. And I'm like, is this what kidney stones feel like? Did you have any numbness? And he said, no, you better call the doctor. Which I had.

But my next call was, was to my ex husband. And he said, you know, I'll be there for you. And he was, and he has been for all this time.

So again, I think being thoughtful about how you address things that are painful and trying to keep communication open and preserve respect for, for one another and, and really the situation too, it's, you know, the, the paralysis was just. The kids were 3, 4, 7 and 9. So these are young kids. I was 38 and it was very shocking.

But I had tremendous hope when I came home and oriented my life toward that with therapies and, and all kinds of, you know, medications and food regimens and everything that we possibly could do. So using those resources, that's what you do. You know, when you get stunned, you, you look for help.

One of the challenges as you're going through this and for anybody experiencing, you know, real, really deep adversity is to show your kids that it's okay to struggle while you're still moving forward. So how did you go about doing that?

Because you saw that in different ways through the different obstacles and adversity that you've had to overcome, whether it was as a mother, as, you know, a single mother, or as, you know, somebody who now is, is paralyzed. So how, how did you go about that in terms of how you showed that to your kids?

Well, you know, I think especially like after the, I'll say one instance after the Matthew's epilepsy was that I, I would say that the key to this is being observant, being very observant of what's, what's needed at that time.

And with Matthew's epilepsy, I noticed that Brittany, at age 3, this was her younger brother, she, when she was playing with other girl, other little children, she would say, you know, let's play babies. But no boy babies, because boy babies have seizures. And she had associated that with. And I thought, you know, she needs help. I Don't.

I don't know how to help with this, but I know that it needs to be addressed. And so I. I found a child psychologist, and the child, she went to therapy.

And one of the things that the therapist asked us to do, she said, you know, we want to make sure Brittany's talking about her feelings to you. And so at night, we would do this exercise called Happy, Sad, mixed up, Mad.

And we would talk about a happy thing that happened, a sad thing that happened, something that may have made her mad or angry. But the key to this one, and I look back at the brilliance of this therapist, the key was the mixed up one.

And the mixed up one could be something like it rained. And so we were sad because it rained out a ball game or a play date, but we were happy because the grass was dry and it needed the rain.

And I think this simple exercise of looking at one thing in two different ways was a great way for her to see how complicated life can be and how to look at one thing and try to see a positive from it, even though there may be a negative, to not always see the negative, to not always see the positive, to see. To see two sides of one thing.

So I think that became a practice for us that was therapeutic for her and connected her, because I think that's part of it. Is staying connected to your kids the best way that you can.

Another example would be, I think they watched me struggle with paralysis, getting my wheelchair through doors or over bumps or. But I figured out how to play basketball. You know, I figured out how to play soccer, believe it or not, guarding the.

The garage door where when my son was five, you know, I'd wheel back and forth in front of the garage door and he'd try to shoot and get it in. And that actually became the basis of some of the writing that I did. And the first.

First op ed piece that I got published was Playing Soccer from the Wheelchair. So, you know, just being present, observant and problem solving. If they watch you solve problems, they're learning. Absolutely.

That that is such an important point for parents of kids with special needs. There are obviously, you know, other considerations that they have to be mindful of.

What have you learned through your lived experience as it relates to trying to find a balance between advocacy, independence, and emotional support for your kids, given their special needs?

I've learned that you have to. It's a couple things. Your radar is always on scan, you know, just who can help, how can they help?

And being open to that, I'll say That you have to make sure that, you know, you've got good qualified resources. Double check those, especially these days.

And so at the time, you know, doctors were telling you to wait and see, they didn't have any kind of specialized therapy for kids with autism. So I said, why not? And so figured out how to wheel myself into this very generous mother's living room and learn about this therapy.

I tried it with Madison. It happened to work. And it was amazing how that something that a parent shared with me could be so useful.

And because of this, this exchange, this little yellow flyer that came home to tell us about that, I realized that the two of us realized that parents could help one another. And that became the genesis of what's now Pathfinders for Autism, which is a nonprofit we help create 25 years ago that's still in use.

We help 20,000 people a year with finding resources and supports. We train first responders. So it's something that's mushroom from listening for two parents listening to one another and helping one another.

So I think that's a great resource that we need to lean into, but we also need other professionals now that there's more information out there. But I've found that to be really observing your child, see what they need and stay connected to resources that can be helpful.

Remarkably, Becky, through all your different obstacles and the challenges and curve balls that life has thrown at you, you found a way to channel that and to help others through your books. Your book Morning Fuel emphasizes starting the day with, with intention.

What can you suggest to parents in terms of how they can help form these practices of starting the day with intention with their children?

Now I think one of the things my mom taught us growing up, and I did it with my kids and now my grandchildren are doing this, is we get ready for the day, the day before, you know, it might lay out our clothes for the next day. Especially if you got kids that change their mind a lot, then you can remember having a plan A and a plan B.

If one outfit didn't work, the other one did. And then we always tried to have a sit down breakfast together. We made that just a regular part of our routine. We allowed time for that.

And then they got to watch kind of the routines that I had as they aged.

They noticed, you know, mom would get up a little earlier and have her lemon water and her coffee and her readings that she needed to do, or journaling that I like to do. So they're very observant of the way that we start our own days.

But in those young years where they are just lickety split out of the house, I think starting the day together helps. Knowing the plan for the day helps. I used to make lists of these are the things that we've got to get done for the day. Those kind of things.

Absolutely.

And, you know, when you look back on it now, are there certain things that you have practiced through the decades and through all the different things that you've been through that remain in terms of you living your life with intention or how you start your day?

Yes. You know, that was another thing that happened. After my brother's death, I. I kept having. Yeah, I'm a thinker.

You know, I spend a lot of time in my head. And one of the things that dad had told me, he said, becky, I think journaling will help you.

And so through each of these life events, I found journaling to be very helpful in terms of stilling the thoughts and getting them into place where they were more manageable. So I journaled after Forest and after Mattatha, Matthew and Madison and the divorce and the paralysis and all those.

That's a practice that, you know, I have these notebooks of, and I would make it fun. I'd have.

I've gotten canisters of different colored pens and different colored paper and just tried to let that bring joy and purpose to my day by getting thoughts where they needed to be so that I could do what I wanted to do for that day. And they saw that I was a big planner, too.

We will have family planning sessions, especially after the divorce, and make sure that everybody had their say in what we got to do. They. They're big list makers. They saw me make lists every morning. And my. My son now is 30, 32. And he said, he. He'll come.

And he says, okay, mom, what's the GP and gp? The game plan? We always have a game plan. And I just.

It tickled me so much to see something that you've done, you know, be carried on in households in the future.

Just when you think they're not paying attention right. As kids, they are absolutely taking note.

Becky, you know, looking back Is there one lesson that you hope and wish, even looking forward, that parents really fundamentally understand about resilience and navigating life when it is filled with challenges and setbacks?

I think you really have to stay possibility driven. I like to say that, you know, just rethink what's possible given your circumstance.

And it's, you know, life can, my motto is life can be good no matter what. And I've had a lot of what. But you have to look for the good. You have to focus on the good. You have to cherish it, respect it and seek it out.

Any final thoughts in terms of what you'd like to say to parents who are listening to or watching this interview, who really might be in a dark place because their child is in a dark place?

They're in a dark place, whatever their reasoning is, in terms of how to find that light, how to go about overcoming that adversity and being resilient.

Stay connected to your child, listen to them, reach out for support and realize that you are not alone, that parenting is hard. It's hard work, but it can be a beautiful thing as long as we're staying responsive to the situation. And enjoy your kids.

I think that would be my final thought is enjoy your kids. There's a lot of challenging times, but enjoy them.

That's a wonderful, optimistic, hopeful thought to end our chat on. Rebecca Fay Smith Galli Best Selling Author thank you so much for taking the time to share your lived experience with us today.

Oh, it's great to be with you. Thank you.

To learn more about today's podcast, guest and topic, as well as other parenting themes, visit whereparentstalk.

Com.