In this episode, we dive deep into a question that plagues many adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families: Why do we attract the wrong people into our lives? Drawing from my personal experience and years of coaching, I explore the hidden patterns and subconscious forces that lead us to replicate unhealthy dynamics in our adult relationships.
Understanding the Impact of Dysfunctional Families
Childhood in a dysfunctional household teaches us how to survive, but those survival skills often sabotage us later in life. We learn to anticipate others’ needs, avoid conflict, and equate love with uncertainty or performance. These experiences shape our attachment styles, often leading to anxious or avoidant patterns in adult relationships. Our subconscious seeks familiarity, even if it’s toxic, because it feels safer than stepping into the unknown.
Why We Attract the Wrong People
The traits we develop to cope—like people-pleasing, caretaking, and a lack of boundaries—make us susceptible to unhealthy relationships. We often gravitate toward partners who mirror the chaos we grew up with or who need “fixing,” as it gives us a sense of purpose. Emotional intensity can feel like love when, in reality, it’s just reenacting old wounds.
Fear of abandonment and rejection also plays a significant role. For many of us, tolerating mistreatment feels less frightening than risking the vulnerability of being alone. This fear makes us cling to relationships that aren’t serving us. We also tend to seek validation from emotionally unavailable partners or even narcissists, believing that winning their approval will somehow heal the unfulfilled parts of our childhood.
Breaking the Cycle
Healing starts with awareness. When we recognize these patterns, we can begin to rewrite our stories. Inner child work is a powerful tool in this process, helping us soothe the wounds that drive our unhealthy choices. Building self-worth and setting clear boundaries are essential steps toward attracting healthy, reciprocal relationships.
It’s also important to redefine what love looks like. Love doesn’t have to be chaotic or dramatic—it can be consistent, kind, and supportive. Therapy, coaching, and support groups like Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) can provide the tools and community needed to heal.
Moving Forward
As adult children of dysfunction, we are not doomed to repeat the patterns of our past. With self-awareness, intentional healing, and the courage to set boundaries, we can break free from the cycle and create relationships rooted in mutual respect and genuine connection.
If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Connect with me on social media or check out my free resources and coaching options to help you on your journey. Together, we can rewrite the story of your life.
Listen now to learn how to stop attracting the wrong people and start embracing the relationships you truly deserve.
Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you.
I work with people who are ready to heal from the inside out — especially those dealing with chronic stress, anxiety, inflammation, gut issues, or burnout. If you’ve been struggling with symptoms your doctors can’t fully explain, it may be that your past is still living in your body. Unhealed emotional wounds and nervous system dysregulation often show up as physical and mental health challenges — and I’m here to help you break that cycle.
As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed ACOA Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.
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