Book and Ocean arrive on some rocky, trash filled beaches and finally get to catch a breather.

This one is mostly retching and Osmosis Jones fanfic.

Go listen to GG: Level Up and follow them on all the good socials at @gglvluppod. Stu was on their newest episode (The Voidnauts) and had a wonderful time in a geek trivia battle of the wits.

Welcome to Oops!

All Apocalypses, a show where we explore the collapse of society by playing fun, tabletop, role-playing games.

I'm your host, Stu Masterson, and I'm joined by the appropriate number of people to Tango.

Hey, Stu.

Yeah?

Good show.

Thank you.

I came up with that in negative three seconds.

Hey, everybody, I'm Brady and I play Book McCready, a super squeamish sleuth after last week's episode.

And I'm Jacob, I play Ocean, a gentle giant who's turning out to be a part-time scuba diver.

This week, we're going to attempt to continue our journey through the tunnel of love that is Book and Ocean by asking one of New York Times's, I guess New York Times didn't make this, a bunch of scientists came up with 36 questions to fall in love.

That's a lot of questions.

And we are on the 27th now, approaching that end before we have to come up with a new exciting way to kick off all of these episodes.

How many do we have left?

We have nine left.

So before episode 40.

Don't worry, the next thing's gonna be even better.

Okay, I'm excited now.

The question this week is, if you were going to become a close friend with your partner, so Book to Ocean, Ocean to Book, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I have chlamydia.

Oh wait, no, that would be important if we weren't friends, if we were lovers, okay.

If Ocean and Book were to become good friends again, then Ocean should know that Book is very monogamous with his friends.

So he gets jealous when other people are friends, when Ocean had more friends, Book would be jealous of Ocean.

Absolutely.

And Book doesn't like to have a whole lot of other friends.

He, yeah, like every time that Crandall or Real Vesuvius or Fake Vesuvius liked, clearly liked Ocean better, Book was very jealous, not because he wanted them to like him, but because he didn't want them to become better friends with you than he is.

That's interesting.

Cause that's pretty similar to what I was going to say about Ocean, though less about the jealousy side and more that Ocean doesn't become friends with people easily.

It's not something he takes lightly.

So if he's somebody that he can, if he considers you a friend, he's pretty much stuck on you like a golden retriever.

He's not going away anytime soon.

He is fiercely loyal at that point.

So it's not something to take lightly for Ocean.

So kind of similar to what you're saying, just less jealous and more loyal.

They're perfect for each other.

It just means Book has nothing to fear with all his, with all the people Ocean meets.

Beep, beep, beep.

Alert coming through.

That was not the music.

You got tricked again.

I got tricked.

That was a news ticker tape cross promotion alert.

Oh, goodness.

That just recently, Stu, your beloved MC has guested on another podcast called GG Level Up.

For people who can't understand Stu's intense southern drawl, that was GG colon space level up.

Stu, you cheating on us?

You cheating on us?

Yes.

With your other podcast?

I'm very monogamous with my podcast.

I am not.

Yeah, I guess that on this podcast that at time of listening, you should be able to find my episode on, I'll throw some links in the description to this episode, but you can definitely find it on Spotify.

It's a geek trivia podcast.

General geek knowledge and they're super lovely hosts that also make bespoke quizzes based on the interests of their guests that come on.

So there were so many questions that were like perfect for me that I was really upset when I got them wrong.

So it's like a game show.

I don't spoil how good or poorly I did.

You should go listen to that episode.

But in honor of them, of GG Level Up, I thought we could go through a quick apocalypse trivia.

Oh, goodness.

Are you guys ready?

No, not at all.

You've sprung this on us.

I have not studied for this.

The GG Level Up guys, one of the things they're best at, it's Jeremiah and Brandon.

They come up with like very good quizzes and trivia.

Like they're just good trivia questions.

Like I met Brady playing trivia.

I do a ton of trivia.

And there's a big difference between a good question and a shitty question.

And all of theirs are so good.

Even when I got them wrong, they're always like, ah, should have had it.

Holy shit, we did meet doing trivia.

They clearly spend a lot of time doing research and figuring it out.

I of course did not put in that level of effort.

So I made three bespoke questions for you guys.

I have Googled post-apocalypse survival quiz and we're gonna run through that as well.

Fuck yes.

I'm so hype.

I'm scared.

Do you guys want the one from the internet first or my questions first?

No, we gotta save Stu's for last cause it's the best.

There's a divide.

We gotta save best for last.

I default.

I defer to Jacob.

Okay.

We defer to Jacob.

Is age before beauty?

Bad choice, Brady.

Bad choice.

So the bad questions first.

We're going to be starting with a quiz from fun trivia.com/triviadashquiz.

How are we doing this?

Are we buzzing in?

No, you're both going to give me your answers.

You can cheat off of each other if you would like.

We'll see who gets more correct.

Brady, could you keep track of the score?

Okay.

This first section is multiple choice.

Of course, my questions are open-ended.

With the multiple choice section, we're going to start with question one.

Survival tip number one.

Take a leaf out of the Boy Scouts book.

Be prepared.

Which of the following does not generally appear on the list of survival kits?

Really quick, Stu.

Don't tell us if we're right or not until we both answered.

Thank you.

This is my first time doing anything like this, Brady.

That was very helpful.

Your options are canned goods, flashlight slash as they call it across the pond, torch, battery operated radio, water.

I'm going with A, canned goods.

I think I'm also going to go with A, canned goods, because I feel like every survival kit I've seen has all the other options.

But I think mentally I always say canned goods.

I'm going to switch my mind to water, because usually you'll have water purification methods, but not the water itself.

Bottled water and stuff like that.

Yeah, that's true.

I'm sticking with A, fuck it.

I'm going to stick with A.

I'm locking in A.

In tandem saying canned goods.

Yeah, you've convinced me.

That is incorrect.

The correct answer was water.

I don't think you guys know this, but normally they will have water purification tablets or filters or even storage containers, but water itself is not frequently in survival kits.

Oh, dang it.

Canned goods are considered important as they are considered impervious to contamination.

Question two.

Can I get half a point?

You get zero points.

Dang, you shouldn't have listened to me.

Wait, I'm keeping track of the score though, so I can do whatever I want.

Survival tip number two.

Know how to identify edible plants.

You never know when you'll get bored with canned food or lose that cam opener.

That joke was in there.

So which of the following will do you the most harm?

Rasula imetica, Amanita thaloids, Pexillus involitus, or Intaloma.

Do you have a country of origin on these?

Latina.

Are these, wait, are these plants?

It says plants, but I would not be surprised if it includes mushrooms.

Say one more time so I can figure out which one sounds scarier.

Rasula imetica, Amanita thaloids, Paxillus involitus, and Empiloma.

I'm going with Paxillus involitus because involuntary is usually a bad thing.

So I'm suspecting that's a paralytic of some kinds.

I don't know.

But that one sounds the scariest.

I think it's going to be a thing that makes you vomit.

Remember it says which one will do the most harm.

That's not saying any of these are okay.

True.

Are you locking in Brady?

I mean, yeah, I'm not going to take your hint.

You're saying the same thing as him.

I have integrity, so yeah.

You're both going with, I like that you guys are standing side by side together as you fail question after question, because that was incorrect.

The correct answer was Amanita phalloids.

I mean, phalloids does sound pretty bad.

Which is known as the death cap mushroom and is the deadliest of mushrooms as its name suggests.

Well, if you just had said the death cap mushroom, I would have gone with that.

The other ones are also not great for you.

Rusala imetica causes vomiting.

Pexillus involitus or brown roll rim can cause damage to red blood cells with long term consumption.

I mean, that sounds bad.

And the last one, Intimola sinuetum causes gastrointestinal upset but is not fatal.

So don't do any of those.

Are these all mushrooms?

It sounds like it to me.

I'm allergic to mushrooms, so I'm fine.

I like how much the difficulty ramped up from question one to two.

Let's see if it continues this.

Survival tip number three, make contact with other survivors.

You may not have a TTE, but with this in mind, you might want to consider investing in a CB radio.

Don't forget to think up a cool handle.

These jokes they throw in here are awesome.

In the USA, how many channels were originally available for CB users?

Oh God, the options are 11, 23, 40 or 37.

I'm not you guys, but if the answer was either 37 or 40, I'd be pissed because those are some close ass numbers.

Those are insanely close.

I'm going to go with a 11.

I'm going to go with the opposite.

I'm going to go with 40.

The first divide, the correct answer is actually, lucky number 23.

We're both at zero out of three.

For bonus points.

Can either of you, this one is a race.

So if you know the answer, yell it out.

What does CB stand for?

Close Band?

Jake was first, but incorrect.

Close Band?

That's what he said.

So you're both incorrect.

Oh, shit.

Citizens Band.

Citizens Band.

Close Band made so much more sense to me.

This is the worst quiz I've ever read.

And leading into that is question number four.

Survival as a group can be easier.

So now that you've contacted a group of other survivors, plan to meet up with them.

Unfortunately, you have forgotten your compass and you're not sure which way north is.

Can you construct your own compass?

Yeah.

The possible answers are yes and no.

Wait, really?

Yes?

Yes you can?

I mean, yeah, it won't be like perfect, but I know how to use the sun and shit.

How would you do it?

All right, so you put a stick in the ground, right?

And depending on what time of day it is, the shadows will point in a direction.

Survival tip number five.

Work hard to get past any school missions.

Wait, wait.

Did we get, did we, did we, was that yes?

Was it yes?

The answer was yes.

Okay, perfect.

We both get a point.

Yes, you both get a point.

Yay.

Survival tip number five.

Work hard to get past any squeamishness you may have.

On the road to meet your new friends, you catch a fish because you're a hungry boy.

Generally, in which direction should you move your knife to de-scale a fish?

Your options are, I'm not sure this is a fish.

From the gills towards the tail.

From the tail towards the gills.

In a circular motion around the body.

I know that's not right.

Sounds wrong to me too.

It's from the tail towards the gills.

Yeah, I'm going to go with from the tail to the gills.

Which I think is B?

Don't care about the letters because you are correct.

From the tail towards the gills.

Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

It makes sense because you're popping off the scales.

Yeah, you wouldn't be able to get them out if you go the other way.

You'll just run it down the scales.

Although you 100% don't have to do that to eat a fish.

Yeah, I kind of like scale on salmon.

Like, it's pretty good skin on salmon.

It's pretty darn good.

One of my favorite things in trivia questions and our friends over at GG Level Up do this very well where the questions like tie to each other.

And I love when they don't tie super well and you just force it.

I always think that's so funny.

That's like my favorite thing ever.

And this very shitty survival quiz we've been running through does that.

They've all been like tying together through the story really well, right?

Like, oh, you made some contact.

You're gonna go see him.

This next one follows that by going, survival tip six, dreams are important.

Pay attention to yours.

Wait.

Which apocalyptic book are the characters drawn to forces of good and evil throughout, through their dreams?

Oh God, I already know the answer.

I already know the answer.

Just from saying that.

Do you wanna try to snipe it for a bonus double point?

I'm gonna say the stand.

Okay.

I will give the options for Brady to try to pick up a single point.

The Scarlet Plog Plague by Jack London.

Do Androids Dream of a Like A Cheap?

By Philip K.

That's Blade Runner.

And Dyes the Fire by SN.

Stirling.

The Stand by Stephen King.

Jacob's probably right, but dreams are also important in Blade Runner.

So I'll go with B.

The correct answer is The Stand by Stephen King.

Oh baby.

Nice snipe there.

Didn't even need the options.

Survival tip number seven.

None of these are tips by the way.

Now that you have met up with your fellow survivors, we had a quick jump to a dream, but now we're back.

Find an attractive member of the opposite sex.

Survival of the species might depend on you.

Hell yeah.

Which disaster movie does not feature a romantic subplot?

Jeep Impact, Mad Max 2, 28 Days Later, Armageddon.

I'm going to say Mad Max because for the most part, Mad Max is pretty much just man wanders in town, man saves the day or causes mischief, man leaves town.

It's kind of a Western kind of setup.

So I'm going to go with Mad Max 2.

Yeah, I'll do this.

Wait, or is Mad Max 2, the one where very specifically, so the Mad Max movies didn't get too weird until like Mad Max 3.

So I'm going to, I'll go with 28 Days Later.

So if this helps, Mad Max 2 is the road warrior.

Yeah, I'll go with 28 Days Later.

The correct answer is Mad Max 2.

Jacob is trying to pull away from it a little bit, but there's still time to catch up.

None of these are tips, by the way.

These are, they kind of started out vaguely.

He could construe us tips.

And now it's just like, how well do you know apocalyptic media?

The Svartbord Global Seed Vault is located in the Arctic and is a repository for crop seeds.

What is the capacity of this seed vault?

Fuck.

How would I know?

10 billion seeds, 1 billion seeds, 4 billion seeds, or 2.25 billion seeds.

I'm going with D.

Yeah, I'm going to go with 2.5 billion seeds because that is pretty specific.

That would also be the correct answer because it is oddly specific.

Hell yeah.

Number nine, I'm clearly trying to go through these faster to get to my good ones.

Do not underestimate the potential stupidity of an invading species.

Which two movies are the alien invaders finally conquered by something freely available on-

Oh God.

Oh, I know this one.

I'm going to snipe this one.

Can I snipe it?

Yeah, it's two.

Can I snipe this too?

Do you want to try to snipe it?

I know one of them is War of the Worlds.

War of the Worlds, definitely.

And then is the other one Mars Attacks?

I'm going to go with Signs for the second one.

You're going for a snipe of War of the Worlds and Signs.

Yes.

Brady, are you going for a snipe too or are you going to wait for the question?

No, I'll wait for the question.

Coward.

That's a coward's move.

Independence Day and Star Trek First Contact, Invasions of the Body Snatcher and To Serve Man, The Invasion and The Day the Earth Stood Still, or Signs and War of the Worlds.

Holy shit, I'm so based.

So you get two for that and I get one.

That is the correct answer, Signs and War of the Worlds.

I don't know how Signs didn't immediately jump to your mind, Brady.

I haven't seen Signs.

You haven't seen Signs?

I cannot recommend you see it because it's Mel Gibson.

But besides that, to get the power back on, apart from all those handy modern conveniences like washing machines and ovens, there are all those Apocalypse movies to watch.

They should help with continued survival.

A study in 2009 found what to be the most efficient form of renewable energy.

Any snipe attempts?

Yeah.

I'm going to hear the question.

It's hydroelectric.

Is that your snipe attempt?

Yeah, that's my snipe attempt.

Okay, I'll let you snipe.

I'll hear the question.

I'll hear the answers.

You'll take it nice and slow.

I'll take it slow.

I've sniped twice now.

I have some breathing room.

I'm smoking Brady right now, so.

Yeah, that was a good safe move.

That wasn't a coward's choice for you.

That was a strategic move.

Fuck off.

So what are the options are wave, solar, geothermal or wind?

Fuck.

I might go geothermal.

Geothermal final answer?

That is correct.

Oh, damn.

The only reason I went to geothermal is because I distinctly remember hearing about it being super efficient like 10 years ago.

So at the halfway point, let's get our point totals, Brady.

Run through them real quick.

God damn.

I'm getting, I'm getting, I'm getting, I'm getting spanked.

The only reason you're losing is because I've watched more movies than you have.

That's not really a fear when it comes to survival ability.

We're both pretty bad here.

So the problem is if you had asked me before this podcast, like, oh, like, what are your main things?

I was like, okay, so Stu and Jacob are our music guys and I'm a movie guy, but I'm just getting absolutely.

Well, I actually was I was I took a ton of film classes in college because I was wanting to go to I wanted to be a director actually when I was in high school and college.

I forgot about that, dude.

Jacob is up 924.

Well, these questions are each worth five points with some potential bonus.

Three of them.

You guys ready for these are my bespoke.

So these are the good questions.

Mad Max Fury Road continues the story of one of the quintessential pieces of post-apocalyptic media.

It is a cinematic masterpiece predominantly told through visual means.

George Miller claimed he designed the film to be understood in Japan without subtitles, eliminating the sub-verse dub debate through beautiful cinematography.

In fact, protagonist Max, played by Tom Hardy, only has 63 lines of dialogue.

The original Max, played by notorious shithead Mel Gibson, actually beats this record in one of the previous Mad Max movies.

How many Max lines were said in the Mad Max movie with the least amount of Max lines?

Bonus points if you can tell me what movie it is.

And I will give you a wiggle room of three lines.

So you have to get within three, plus or minus three of the lines of dialogue that Max has in the Mad Max movie with the least lines of Mad Max.

I have no fucking idea.

You get bonus five points if you can tell me the movie.

But if you just get the number of lines within three, you get the points.

I have no idea the movie, but I'm just going to guess and say twenty five lines.

And I gave you a reference point of sixty three is in Fury Road.

Brady no Googling.

I'm not Googling.

Just for a list of movies.

I'm not Googling.

I'm going to go with, I'm going to guess that the movie is Thunderdome and I'm going to guess that the number is fifty nine.

You shithead.

Are you going to say any movie, Jacob?

Are you just?

I'm going to go with Mad Max 2 just because I have no fucking idea and he already said Thunderdome.

No, the correct answer is Mad Max 2 Road Warrior with an astounding sixteen lines.

Oh my God.

Two of those are repeated.

Where the gas.

I got the bonus question and I was closer.

Do I get it right?

Because I got closer or am I?

You get five points.

Okay.

Getting the right movie.

Question two.

You're sorry.

Questions two.

My favorite post apocalyptic video game series is Fallout.

They're all so good, including the ones no one's played.

Especially in the first person era, it is known for having delightful music played through in-universe radio stations, ranging from comical songs such as Crawl Out Through the Fallout to legit bops of Yesteryear by artists such as Dion and the Belmonts.

The best of these songs is from Fallout New Vegas and is a western song named after the peacekeeping implement Vital for holding off banditos in the Wild West.

It is so good that Stu edited his install files to make it the only song playable in the game, infuriating his ex-girlfriend from back in college.

What is the name of this song?

Big Eye.

Don't tell Brady.

I don't know.

And I'm not going to steal his answer because I've never played Fallout and I've never seen any of the Mad Max movies.

Jacob, you are correct.

The answer is Big Eye.

It is the best song in Fallout by a long mile.

I was really hoping that was what you were going to say when you started talking about how it was the best song.

And I was like, if he says anything other than Big Iron, I'm pissed.

But then you said Big Iron, so you're correct.

Brady, you could have gotten it through, named after a peacekeeping implement vital to holding off banditos in the Wild West.

You don't have to know all the things.

I'm just saying, don't give up.

No.

No, I could not.

Adventure Time gives-

I haven't seen this either.

Oh, man.

Adventure Time gives hints of its post-apocalyptic nature very early, but it really hits on it hard in the later seasons.

The best character from Adventure Time is Marceline the Vampire Queen.

Unlike most vampires, she doesn't necessarily drink the blood of her victims, but she does drink something very specific.

Don't yell out what the answer is.

I know the answer.

I know the answer.

Alright, I'm going to try to guess.

She drinks something very specific.

Can I ask you one question?

This is a really hard one to get if you haven't seen Adventure Time.

Yes, I will allow that since you haven't seen it.

Is it like a bodily fluid of some kind?

No, usually no.

Usually no.

That's a hint.

Do you have any?

Do you want to give him a hint to Jacob since you've already secured your victory?

It's more of a concept than an object.

It's not usually a bodily fluid.

OK, but so is it memories?

So your final answer?

Yeah, because in Harry Potter, memories become a liquid.

It's a body fluid.

That is incorrect.

Jacob, what is she doing?

The color red.

The color red.

Anything that's red, you can just slurp that color right out of it.

I believe that brings our final result to Jacob with 24, and Brady with four.

Is that right?

Did I keep that right in my head?

Yeah, you did.

I feel like Stu's questions were very targeted.

Brady came out to have a good time, and he's honestly feeling so attacked right now.

This is snob privilege, OK?

Future time is not for snob, so thank you very much.

That's a classic cartoon.

Oh my god.

OK, you're both a 30.

I'm 29, thank you very much.

So if you want to hear something like that, but much better, go listen to GG Level Up.

I'll post a link in the show description and see how good I do on their most recent episode as of the time of this release.

That was very fun, Stu.

Thank you.

Thank you for putting together those lovely quizzes.

And thank you for trying your best.

After that very, very long intro, let's get back to the action.

Thanks for watching.

Ocean, Cow Tools.

I think we might be in a digestive system.

What?

That's gross.

What makes you think that, Book?

The polyps that we saw on the ceiling back there that turned into tendrils.

I mean...

I have those in my tummy?

Well, tiny ones, yeah, but like that's how we absorb nutrients in our body.

And all of these tunnels, the valves that we saw open underwater, like that's, I mean, I think we're inside something right now.

Everything you're telling me right now, Book, just makes me want to get to the main town as quick as possible.

I say we get out of here as fast as humanly possible.

Kowtools?

Follow me.

And he starts whistling again.

It's still a Taylor Swift song.

I assume we've never heard Taylor Swift songs.

Stu, the crevasse, can I still see the crevasse that we've got lodged in?

You can see that it exists just because it's just this massive blackness, but not well.

It's very dark in here.

How symmetrical does it look?

It goes down to a V, but it is definitely cracking on both sides.

And then opens up on the bottom.

Kowtools skitters ahead.

He only skitters.

It's the only way he knows how to move.

I realize that I might lose track of him and I want to break my focus on the increasingly the increasingly suspicious features of this cavern.

So yeah, at this point, yeah, Book, I guess Ocean is booking after Kowtools to try and keep up with him as quick as possible.

Keeps looking back to try and make sure that Book is coming with him.

What shape are the windows that we're passing?

Square.

Okay.

Interesting.

I jog to catch up and I try to wipe the crap from my face as I sheath.

I'm like trying to do six things at once.

So I'm like trying to sheath the sword and wipe stuff with my elbow and run, which is not a good recipe for Book.

You guys are, you follow CouchWalls.

He eventually leads up this ramp.

That's a pretty steep ramp down a random tunnel.

It's like almost a 45 degree that he's able to just run up quite easily.

And he goes, okay, we're about like a 10th of a mile away now.

And from here, we're not at much risk of flooding.

It's never like-

It's never zero.

I feel very safe here.

And he continues going.

And you end up leaving this tunnel system and it brings you back out into the massive cavern that you were in before.

That's the most of the bottom was filled up with that deep sea.

And you see you're quite close to the lights now and you can make out a small little-

It looks like a big campsite is more than anything, not really a village.

There's a bunch of like broken down vehicles and cars and some like shacks and tents made of like just tarps or there's a few actual like real tents that seem to be built up.

But you think there's probably a few dozen people.

It's not too much smaller than Hamlet Openings population.

It's pretty big group.

Interesting.

And that we can just see it in the distance or are we pretty close to it now at this point?

You're very close.

Yeah, you're approaching now.

You think some people could probably see you if they're paying attention.

Book is out of breath, so he does not say anything.

How far back did Ocean drop that bag, do you think?

Do you want to have gone back and gotten that bag when Caltools said it wasn't too dangerous anymore?

If he says it wasn't too dangerous anymore, he's going to run back and try and grab it.

Yeah, you could have done that right after you uncacooned yourself, because he told you it only comes every couple hours.

If anything, it probably got washed closer to us.

Yeah.

I imagine actually he says that and I just see it drifting right behind me.

He's like, oh, wow.

Yeah, you turn around and you go to make a turn.

You're like, I know how to get back, a left, left, right.

Caltools tells you real quick, but before you get to the first turn, it's coming down a completely random tunnel.

And you reach down and grab it up.

Well, that's convenient.

You're back at the town.

How are you approaching?

Exhaustively.

Is there water near, like is, are we level with any water?

No, you came in above water.

You kind of went up higher up along this massive cavern and you're coming down into this village, that is, oh, where you're asking for rinsing off purses.

Once you get there, you'll be right near the edge and you see there are people like washing things in the giant sea, things like that.

Is it like essentially like a gravel beach almost where it just goes into the water that we could see in the distance?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But the actual, where most of the people are is a little bit raised up.

It looks like there used to be some large structure here that is no longer mostly present.

And there are some bigger stuff in the distance.

I didn't describe this very well at all.

Sorry.

This isn't like an island in the middle of this big thing.

It opens up to like a town behind it that has all sorts of dilapidated buildings.

And some of that is like very submerged in water.

Some of it is poking above it.

Some of it seems pretty safe.

It seems like everyone pretty much accumulates here because this is an area that doesn't flood.

Makes sense.

I think we're in a mouth as we approach the town, turns to cow tools and was like, okay, can you film me on any kind of customs?

Anything we should avoid saying?

Anything we should avoid doing?

Oh, they're gonna be so jazzed that you guys took out some of those bandits, especially the ones with the big light on the front.

That's a good boat.

Oh, wait, was it the one with the machine gun?

Yeah, it was the one with the machine gun.

That's right, because that's what we impaled on.

Hell, yeah.

Oh, no.

So they're going to like you no matter what you do.

I was about to come up with something funny.

Like they only shake with their left hands or something like that.

But I feel like you guys are pretty cool.

So I'm not going to do that.

Appreciate you, cow tools.

Do you want me to go tell them that you guys killed the bandits?

No.

Book is like, can we sit down for a second until somebody walks over to us?

Let's get to the water, Book.

I think you need a rest.

I need to do more conditioning training.

Let's clean you off quick here, Book.

Come here.

Book, without thinking, slings off the bag with fake services head in it, and it falls to the ground.

Oh, you guys smell terrible.

Ocean grabs Book and leads him to the water and dips him into it a couple of times to wake him up a little bit.

Book is the wettest of wet cats.

You come out, the places you had duct-taped your pants and arms up are just filled with water, so you look like a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

And just when you're trying to let out some of that water, someone comes up to you and they go, Oh, hey, are you outsiders?

All right, Caltools is with you, so I assume you're okay.

Oh, yeah.

Ocean kind of, he shakes himself off and turns to the people and is like, Oh, my name is Ocean.

We're here to do some from Hamlet opening.

We're Book Vomits into the water behind him.

Excuse my friend.

He's having a rough day.

It's been someone just downstream of you trying to wash their pots and pulling them back in.

It's been kind of a rough time getting down here.

We were attacked by bandits.

They killed the bandits.

All of them murdered them, not a soul left.

Well, I think two of them got away, but we did take out one of their boats and had a machine gun.

We got one of their lights, holds up the light for him to see it.

Oh, that's great.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Franklin.

Yeah, you're Ocean.

And what was your name?

I'm Book and I hold up Vesuvius' head and this is Vesuvius.

It takes like a step back and goes, what the hell was that?

He's a robot of some kind.

Don't worry about it.

We've been through that.

Yeah, don't worry.

I'm not dangerous.

I'm just a robotic head.

I do not have a soul.

You have a soul, Vesuvius.

I don't have a soul.

They're gonna put me on an RC car when we get back.

They'll give you some kind of body, Vesuvius.

Don't you think that would be nice?

Easier to get around.

But yeah, we from Hamlet opening, we're having a little bit of a crisis over there right now.

We're pretty low on medical supplies.

We were told that you guys might have some of the trade.

So we're coming in to see if we can get some supplies from you.

Also, possibly some trade to get my car back in working order.

It points in the direction of the spider.

It got sunk with the bandits.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure we can work something out.

Both of you give me a barter roll first just to see how they feel about you guys.

Okay, my barter is negative one.

So is mine.

That doesn't mean you don't have stuff and can't make trades, even if you're all bad.

Just a general looking at our unkempt vomiting selves.

Oh, it's an 11.

Book rolled a five.

I got double sizes.

Two sizes.

Franklin puts an arm around the ocean and he goes, Hey, we'll get people to take care of your friend there.

Thank you.

We'll, hey, as a thanks for taking care of those bandits.

One, obviously, you can keep anything wrenched off of that damn boat of theirs, but we'll go recover your vehicle out there.

Cattlel's, can you go talk to Sammy and let him know like where it's at?

And Cattlel's goes, sure thing.

And scuttle off.

It's quite the scuttler that one is.

He's a strange, strange creature.

That's how I would describe him.

Yeah.

So what are you looking to trade?

You want medical supplies, what do you got for me?

So Ocean takes out all the stuff that he's brought.

I've got some miscellaneous scavenge that I've got.

I run a workshop over at Hamlet Opening.

I go out scavenging for all kinds of different things.

I brought some of my stuff here to see if anything sounds interesting.

Book pulls, Book tugs on Ocean's jacket.

He's still on his hands and knees.

Ocean, can you ask them if they have a map or a diagram of the Stu?

Yeah.

My friend's got an idea that-

Not even to trade.

I just want to look at it.

So yeah, that's one of the things we got.

My friend here would like to see.

We don't necessarily need to trade for this, but he wants to know if you guys have a map of the Stu.

He's got some ideas about the nature of this place.

It's kind of given him a little bit of a crisis.

And yeah, he looks like he's having a real one.

We'll get him looked at.

I noticed you're unstable and just recently took an additional point of harm.

So we can get you checked out.

Should I mark that?

Yes.

Summit nine.

We've got we brought two different lights here.

We'll probably need one to to get back.

But I brought a couple of car batteries that I got from the the the bandits and then their light.

And I'm willing to we're willing to throw those on the for any kind of trading as well.

Yeah, lights.

Lights are always good.

He looks kind of at your scavenge and doesn't seem particularly impressed with it.

You got a couple of car batteries.

You know that car batteries would be more valuable in Hamlet opening because it's like what they use as trade there.

So here it's only functional for them.

Gotcha.

So he'll certainly like them like they're useful things, but they would be worth way more in Hamlet opening just so you know, so for any potential trades he does would be like.

Do you have any appraisers here?

It depends.

We're very like communal, but depending on what it is, then we can find someone to track down who would know more about it.

We got some specialists.

What do you want me to look at?

I think so the thing in the case was in Book's bag with Vesuvius' head, I think.

Oh yeah, you took it.

So I think Book pulls this out and looks at Ocean and hands it to him.

So that Ocean can decide whether or not he wants them to appraise it.

Yeah, I don't really know what it is, to be honest with you, Book.

So if they can figure it out, maybe it's worth something.

Yeah, and you're just known to trade away very valuable things just because it's very valuable to someone else.

You can't use them.

Well, even if they could tell us what it is, like we would that information would be valuable to us.

We would pay them for that.

Oh, and I have this is gonna you might not believe me here, but it's another it's another thing I can offer.

Do you have anyone sick or wounded?

I'm kind of able to help people a little bit in that regard.

Book vomits again after you say sick.

Ocean lays his hands on Book and attempts to take away his pain because he's getting real sick of hearing the vomiting.

That is a seven.

So I picked two.

So I purge illness and I take away the pain.

Okay, you stop vomiting and you do feel a lot better.

You are still unstable.

Mm-hmm.

Did I heal any harm?

You heal one harm.

Hell yeah.

And about that time, someone comes over, they bald, big bushy eyebrows, mid thirties person with big blue gloves on and goes, hey, let me get you by the fire, get you checked out and get you back up on your feet.

Book crawls towards that man.

He's a dramatic one, isn't he?

Little bit.

There's something he has a theory about this place that I think it's kind of giving him kind of a tough time.

I think it's making him a little anxious.

He said something about this place being a mouth.

Despite it being so expensive and very claustrophobic.

Yeah, let me...

So he pops open that case and he goes, well, this looks new.

It looks like in wonderful shape, whatever it is.

I certainly don't know this way you can grab someone.

Oh, hey, Sammy.

Sammy's walking by with...

He's got keys to a giant crane scavenger boat thing.

That's so cool.

And he's like, and CalTools is with them and going, yeah, it's around the corner over there.

He goes, yeah, I think maybe Neo Tokyo can have a look at this.

And he would be able to figure out what it does.

I'm not smart enough to be able to figure it out.

Let me go grab it.

I like how we have normal names like Franklin, Sammy and Neo Tokyo.

Book, you're around the fire.

Give me a read a Citroel.

Me?

Yeah, after this, you will also be stable.

They're giving you, assuming you take their medicine, they're giving you weird stews made out of like mushrooms and stuff, but it feels very warming.

I want to know what or who is the source of the most pain or fear here and who is keeping secrets from the rest?

Hmm, interesting questions.

Ocean, you get lead over to, there's this what looks to be a permanently set up little storefront here.

It's one of the only places that seems to be a, what was once a like standard building, and it's still wired up for electricity.

You see, has a bunch of generators in the back cranking along, and as you go inside, there's welcoming warm electrical lights that shine on you.

This is definitely the brightest room you've seen here so far.

And there's a man with long blonde hair sitting at a workbench that has all sorts of crazy little electronics on it that he's playing with, toying with something.

He has like a circuit board in front of him that he's trying to wire up.

And he goes, hey, nice to meet you.

I'm in Neo Tokyo.

I heard you got something you want me to look at?

Yeah, I don't know what this is.

It just showed up at my place one day, just trying to figure out what it is, because I've not been able to make heads or tails of it.

And I pop it on his desk.

He looks at it and he pops it out of his case.

He goes, wow, this is in wonderful condition.

I don't recognize this brand.

It's a standard kind of serial number format, though.

So it's mostly something else.

Does it work?

Is it?

It makes a whirring noise when we turn it on, like a hum.

He goes, okay, let me see that.

And he clicks it.

And you can barely hear it now that you're in like a more crowded place with people like it.

You have to listen real carefully, especially over the other alarms that are all inside this room.

And he goes, yeah, it seems to be working.

He wires up the second portion to it and clicks it in.

And he goes, yeah, I think there's definitely some sort of transceiver here.

Let's see.

Let me go look.

And he goes into a massive filing cabinet that has just every sort of instruction manual you've ever seen in your entire life.

You'd like, as he's pulling out, there's one for like a crock pot.

There's one for like a multimeter.

There's one for a jacuzzi.

And he goes and he goes this, this looks kind of similar.

I've never seen anything like this.

And he seems to start pouring over the pages and he goes, oh, I think this may be something very, very useful for us specifically in the Stu.

If this is something you want to part with.

I think so.

It seems to map out underground areas and transmit them.

So you can kind of like, I think they used it back in the day when they were still trying to like plan out the caverns and things to see what was there and how much work they'd have to do on it.

But it's very advanced.

I don't know what it transmits out of.

He's looking at all these different like ports on it, seeing if he has anything that fits.

He has got this drawer that he pulls open that just has like the port side of things not connected to any wires.

And he's trying to like pop a different bunch of different ones in them.

And he goes, no, I think these are all for data trap for in.

Let me see.

Maybe it's outputting on a certain frequency.

So he grabs.

Is it actively sending information right now to something?

So the way I think it works, if you look here and he holds up an instruction manual that you can't read.

So I think it shoots out these very low frequency waves and then gets kind of bound.

Just like a radar, how radar works.

But somehow it's able to go like deep into the ground and figure out all those different densities.

I think the real smart part of it is the algorithm that takes all that data back and is able to give you like an actual map.

Like, I think that's the hard part.

The actual transmitting isn't impressive or anything.

But then, yeah, it has this receiver here or transceiver that's able to communicate back to another source to upload the map data, basically.

He goes and he pulls out some like oscilloscope type thing and he starts turning a bunch of knobs on and he goes, yeah, if we can figure out the frequency that this transmits on, we could use this to just map out and find all of the things that we're trying to spelunk.

And that would save us so much time and money.

I'm surprised Ocean has not snatched it back.

So all of this sounds really neat and cool.

I don't say this out loud.

This is just something I'm saying.

But the fact that I got this device from a failed roll and you're saying it's transmitting data, mapping out caverns makes me very nervous.

So Ocean is going to say here, hey, how about here?

I need to talk to my friend about this and I'll come back to you about it.

By that point, am I still by the fire?

And we have not resolved my rules, right?

You have not gotten your results.

No, that's intentional.

Is it okay if I walk in at this point?

No, you're getting severe medical attention.

You're getting stabilized right now.

I just have an idea for a cool thing to do, but that's okay.

Well, maybe don't get injured as much and you can do more cool things.

So Ocean takes the device back to his back and is like, well, thanks for telling me about it.

Let me talk to my friend about it and we'll get back to you whether or not we think we can part with it.

Okay, if you give me time to be able to figure out the frequency, then I'll definitely be able to pay you more for it, but you can do that later.

That's not a problem.

I feel like we should pay him for that information.

You don't have the instruction manual.

Yeah, I don't know if we'd be able to use it.

Meanwhile, back at the campfire where you're getting some medical attention, they're looking at you, they're taking your vitals.

He wheels over a little vital rat thing.

And he goes, yeah, you're not in good shape.

Can we give you some medicine?

What kind of medicine?

It will make you not hurt and should be able to fight off some of the infection.

I'll stay conscious.

And then you want to stay conscious?

Yeah.

Okay, it's gonna hurt more.

That's okay.

And you get some nice delicious antibiotics into you.

You overhear some children playing nearby, and it seems like one of them is getting mercilessly teased by claiming that he saw an old man in the torch building.

He's like really hurt, none of his friends believe him, and none of them think he even went close to it because they all saying, you know, no one's brave enough to even get near that thing.

There's no way you would have seen it, and there's no way anyone can live there.

They've been dead forever.

That's just an old story.

And he is the person who is in the most pain right now.

My two questions were, who here is keeping secrets from the rest, and what or who is the source of the most pain or fear here?

Yes, that child is the source of the most pain and fear.

I guess so the people who are bullying him would be the source of the pain.

That's very metaphorical or metaphysical.

So there's another question that is, who here is most afraid?

But the source of the most pain or fear would be the person causing it.

They're the source of the most pain.

The kid?

I guess whatever story they're telling is freaking everybody out or something.

So could we also say that the guy in the tower or that the tower is a source of fear maybe as well?

Yeah, but it's not near you.

To them at least it is.

For not being truthful, it doesn't seem super malicious, but you feel like it's CalTools.

Who's keeping secrets from the rest?

Who's keeping secrets from the rest?

Interesting.

CalTools, the whole situation with CalTools is obviously a little sketchy.

He followed you down in here and things like that.

I think he's like a little Gollum fish boy.

Does he look like Gollum?

Uh, in weight.

And body shape, but not in eyes.

Well, you said that his eyes, I think you did say that his eyes reflected back at a certain point.

Yes.

So I make a mental note of that, but I would like to call out to the kids.

Um, hey boy, come here.

Little boy, I need to talk to you.

Do you have Vesuvius with you, by the way?

Unrelated question.

I would like to use stern presence.

And I want to call out to the kids, to that group of kids.

You've been to the tower and I want to use stern presence.

And I say it kind of in a, in a like, like as if I know what I'm, what that is and what that means.

Give me a hard roll.

And the nice thing about stern presence is it will tell me if anybody has told lies.

God fucking fuck me fuck.

I guess it will not.

I rolled a goddamn fucking five.

Nice.

God, I really was hoping to figure out if that kid was telling the truth.

The kid runs away, the little kid.

There's an older one who's like maybe 14, who was actually the only one who was teasing him the hardest.

And he walks over to you with no fear, like your sternness did nothing.

And he's like, that kid is just a little shit.

Don't listen to him.

It's not even a fucking flame tower.

It's a lighthouse.

Night house.

Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Oops!

All Apocalypses.

Remember to go listen to GG Level Up.

Their newest episode, as of this release, has me on it.

It's called The Voidnauts, but go download all of their other episodes.

You can find a link to them in the description for this episode.

The music and editing was performed by Stu Masterson, Brady McDonough made the logo, and Jacob unwraps all of our Halloween candy so we can just pop it straight in our mouths.

We can't refind something funnier than Rigatoni though.