Wondering what a silent retreat is really like — and whether it might be right for you?

In this insightful episode, Michael shares his first‑hand experience attending a seven‑day silent retreat to begin the new year. He breaks down what silent retreats are, who they are and aren’t for, what to expect, practical dos and don’ts, and why this kind of contemplative practice can be a powerful tool for navigating life’s uncertainties with more presence, resilience, and grace.

1. Discover how silence can become a container for deeper self‑inquiry and emotional insight
2. Learn how to prepare for a retreat (what to pack, what to wear, how to pace yourself)
3. Understand the importance of trauma‑informed teachers and building your practice before attending
4. Get real about how a silent retreat differs from a vacation — and how it can help transform your relationship with stress, distraction, and inner noise

Press play now to unpack the truth about silent retreats — from their challenges and benefits to whether one might be the right next step for your journey of presence and peace.

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 Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole again, your place to help you navigate today's uncertainty with a bit more grace. And today, as you listen to this, I'm actually at a silent retreat to start the year, the wonders of modern technology. So since I'm at Asylum Retreat and I get asked about. Silent retreats a lot.

As a meditation teacher, I wanted to share my perspective with you on them, where you might go if you want to go to one, who they're for and who they're not, for what to pack and some other dos and dotes, and why going to a silent retreat, especially this year may just be what your nervous system wants from you.

But before we dive in, let's take a deep breath together, wherever you happen to be. Breathe up through your nose if you can, and deep into your belly feeling your lungs expand. And then when it feels natural to release the breath, breathe out slowly through your mouth. Allow yourself to settle. This moment.

This moment. All right. Nice job. I'm glad you're here. Now, if you're ready, let's talk about silent retreats. As I mentioned, I happen to be on a seven day silent retreat that will be finishing up in the next couple of days, and I decided to start the year off with one because, well, last year was bananas. I wanted to start the year off with some space.

It's like we're taking 25 pounds of sugar and trying to put it into a 10 pound bag. There's no space to breathe. There's no space to think. There's no space to simply do nothing, which is actually something, it can be very contemplative, which I believe is a cornerstone, one of those cornerstones to our foundation that can lead to a fulfilling life.

As I shared this disappointing news with them and I could tell from their body language they were getting all bummed out and they were looking around for other people to talk to or talk with. I did share a more Soul of Hope 'cause that's just the kind of guy I wanna be. I did share with them we can handle it better this year than we did last year.

As one of my meditation teachers, John Cabot Zinn has said, you can't stop the waves in the ocean, but you can learn how to surf. And I think the waves of next year, or right now, this year will be bigger and more intense and more frequent, but we can learn how to surf better. And practicing a contemplated practice like meditation or going to a silent retreat can be one of the tools that we tap into to help navigate life with, as I say here on whole, again, with more grace.

So we can do this. Yes. Life is challenging. Life has suffering and dissatisfaction, and we can approach it in a different way. And that's what I love sharing here on the podcast. Ways for us to navigate life better so we can be better for ourselves. We can create a fulfilling life, but. We also have the energy to support others, to give back, to be kind, to be compassionate, to be loving all that.

Although I'm not a runner. I used to be, I'm now. Obviously, as you know, a cyclist, but you might have heard of ultra marathons. A typical marathon is 26.2 miles. That's the standard marathon distance, but there's a lot of people out there that like to do. 50 milers or a hundred milers, they're ultra marathoners for the non runner amongst us.

We see those people and we think they're a bit weird. So there are a lot of people in my life who think I'm a bit weird going on a seven day or really an eight day silent retreat. So a silent retreat of that length is like running a hundred mile ultra marathon. It's not for everyone and it's challenging.

If a five minute or a 10 minute meditation is like a 5K run or a mile run, then this silent retreat that I'm on is like a hundred mile Ultra marathon. It's not for everyone and you don't have to do it. Some people love the challenge. Love what they get out of a hundred mile Ultra Marathon. What they get out of a seven or a 10 day silent retreat, and other people are really happy just running their mile or walking or doing a 5K.

And so whatever your jam is, I think it's amazing. I think it's amazing that you're doing anything to help you lead the type of life you wanna live. So the fact that you've never been on a silent retreat, that's cool. You're still an amazing person If you wanna go on one, I think it could be really wonderful for most people, and here's why I say almost everyone to run contra to the hyperbole of the internet where everything is edgy and everything has to be for everyone.

Personally, I don't think meditation is for everyone, nor is a silent retreat. So as you think about going on a meditation retreat, certainly you can go to a fancy resort, you can go down to Costa Rica. I love the good life per vita. I love it all. I think going off to a silent retreat destination that's a little bit luxurious or special can be amazing.

And if that's your thing, I think that's an awesome thing to have as your thing. But I believe as a practitioner, as a teacher, you can do mindfulness anywhere and everywhere. The key is making sure you get the proper teacher getting a teacher that is trauma sensitive. Trauma trained because meditation will bring up a lot of different things.

It'll definitely bring up your inner critic. You'll dance with your inner critic during a silent retreat, but if there's any unresolved or untreated trauma. That also may come up. So that's why I say it's not for everyone. So if you're gonna go off on a silent retreat, make sure your teachers are trauma informed or at least trauma sensitive in their teaching.

So if you do have a situation, you have someone there that can support you. So you can go anywhere in the world to do your retreat. Just make sure you pick, you're really smart about the type of teachers you pick on your silent retreat, 'cause they will most likely make or break your experience. So let's get into the dos and don'ts.

What to wear, what to expect. So on a silent retreat. The silence obviously is key, right? In silence, we begin to hear parts. Ourselves, parts of our body, our mind, our heart and soul that we've been running away from because we've taken on maladaptive ways of handling our stress. A classic culprit would be scrolling continuously or doom scrolling, but we all have, including me.

I'll raise my hand here. You can't see me, but I'm raising my hand that we all have maladaptive ways of handling our stress. And we run away from what our body or, or our mind or heart or soul is trying to whisper to us before it really turns up the volume. So being in silence is not empty. It can actually be a great container or a vessel for a lot of answers.

But again, if we have a lot of unresolved trauma. Certain things can come up. And I share this with you, not to scare you away from experiencing a silent retreat. I just wanna make sure you go in with your eyes wide open. Of course, you can also do do that closed. That's a little meditation humor, but I want you to have full awareness before you go into a silent retreat if you've never gone on one before.

You might decide not to go for a 10 day silent retreat right off the bat, I'm a big believer of starting slow and taking small steps. So you might try like a day silent retreat or a three day or a weekend silent retreat. So start slow and take baby steps along the way as you build your practice, and hopefully you've had a meditation practice that.

Is of some significance so you can have the best possible experience. So I don't think you should just start meditating and go off to a seven day silent retreat right off the rip. I would work into it doing some of our micro practices, even a minute matters, and then you build up from there. I think that puts you in the best possible position.

When you get there, the first day is registration. You'll meet your fellow members of your Sangha, that's your community, and you'll also meet your teachers. They'll give you the do's and don'ts, the rules of the retreat, and then you'll be welcome into your first practice, a guided practice or a sitting practice, and that's when the silence will begin.

And there might be a Dharma talk that's a talk about the teaching of the Dharma. If you've ever gone to church, I think of Dharma talks as the sermon when I went to Catholic mass. So there will be a Dharma talk most likely every day, and there'll be a period of time where you can ask your meditation teacher one-on-one, a particular question to help you with your practice.

So it's not a hundred percent silent. You will be able to speak. Sometimes your meditation teacher will allow you to ask questions after. He or she finishes the Dharma talk, and certainly when you have your one-on-one time with your teacher, you can speak at that point in time. You'll probably wake up early, you'll go to bed early, you'll do the Ben Franklin early to bed, early to rise.

The guided meditations begin generally pretty early, like 7:00 AM so you'll practice before you have breakfast. Meals are always silent as well. They tend to be plant forward or completely plant-based or vegan because. A plant-based diet is the most compassionate diet out there, so if you are a big paleo kind of person, or you're eating a lot of animal protein, you might find this to be a bit challenging.

Generally the meals are silent. You can take them in the dining room if they have one or back to your room or somewhere else on the property, but there will be silent time. There'll also be personal reflection time, and not all the practices are guided or a sitting practice, if you will. Many of them can be walking practices, which I love.

In practice, you'll either have like an open awareness, you open to everything, or you might have a fixed awareness. That's how many of us view meditation today here in the states Fixed, say on the breath. Or the soundscape, which happens to be my favorite, or even sensations in the body. And there are, there's no talking.

Uh, so you can talk to yourself, which I get asked a lot. Do you talk to yourself during the silent retreat? And I say all the time, not out loud, but I am dancing with my inner critic that we all have during a silent retreat. There's also no eye contact and the idea of a phone. I bring mine, I turn mine on once a day to make sure there's no 9 1 1 issues.

I'm a big believer of going to retreats that take in life today. We're not Buddha, we're not practicing or going to silent retreats during the time of Buddha. If that's your jam, cool. But I like to go to silent retreats that welcome in life today, things are happening. People might need to reach you. Your kids might need to reach you or your partner or maybe something at work.

So I simply turn on my phone, see if there's messages, if there's no nine one one phone call or nine one one text message, and I turn my phone off and I leave my computer in my car. I don't bring it to my room, so there's no temptation to turn it on, and I don't bring anything to read, nor do I journal.

Now with some retreats, they allow that. And if they allow that, that's cool. You can do it or you don't have to do it. You can again, make the retreat, your retreat, because this retreat is for you. So make it about coming away with the experience that you want to experience as long as it's not disruptive to the members of your saka.

So you don't want to be walking. The area with your phone on or watching a video or FaceTiming people without your earbuds on, which is completely annoying. If you're a person who does that, stop doing that or watching videos without your headphones on, please stop doing that. This is outside a normal meditation retreat.

I'm just now ranting and riffing because I think we've lost some of our, our etiquette to each other, but this is about filling up your own cup, seeing what's. Here. Being curious with yourself as a way to tune into yourself in a world that's highly distractible, that you get to really listen to what is here for you.

Now in terms of other things to pack or not to pack, as far as clothing, keep it simple and keep it comfortable. You'll be sitting for a long time, so make sure you have clothing that allows you to be comfortable as you sit for a while and you're not sitting in your cozy chair at home, you're on a cushion.

You might be on a chair if you have physical needs. Usually places will give you a chair. Although in my experience, the chairs are not all that comfortable, it's actually better to sit on a cushion. Or if you wanna bring your own cushion to the retreat, you can do so. But dress comfortably with loose clothing.

Participating in a silent retreat, as I've already mentioned, can be physically challenging. It will challenge you also emotionally and mentally, so the least you can do is attend in comfort. Be comfortable. Attending a retreat is not your moment to dress to impress, so you don't have to break out all your aloe meditation gear or clothing unless that's your jam.

If that makes you feel really cozy, then bring it again. Make the retreat, your retreat so you can get out of it what you wish. But overall, I would say dress with simplicity in mind. Dress in layers, dress for the weather because you might have an opportunity to go outside on the grounds of wherever you're doing your retreat to do a walking meditation.

So be smart about it. Keep it easy peasy, lemon squeezy. The rest of the retreat will be challenging in a good way, enough, so you might as well dress with some ease. Okay. Now let's switch to some dos and don'ts to get you ready for your retreat. A big do is bring a curious mindset, not an achievement one.

We're not striving here, we're not getting anything. You're gonna post on social media about how amazing you are that you attended a retreat for X duration. It doesn't make you two times the meditator of someone who went on a five day retreat, so bring your curiosity and be compassionate with yourself.

Be gentle. Again, as I mentioned, a retreat of any duration is not easy, especially in our world of go, go, go. You'll really slow it down and the first part of it may be challenging, so give yourself a break. Give yourself a bit of grace. Lean into it. Sit with a discomfort. Nothing is permanent. It's all temporary.

I know you can get through it. Which leads me to another. Do do expect that there'll be some challenges. There'll be some moments where you might want to tap out that you might think it's too tough, that it's never going to be not difficult, and you might wanna quit. Try not to do that unless of course there's something really traumatic coming up.

Then you need to seek guidance from your meditation teachers there. But if it's simply. Discomfort from the boredom, or you're not used to sitting and doing nothing again, which is something because you're used to going, going, going. Then see if you can be with it again. Nothing is permanent, everything is temporary.

Whatever sensations that you're feeling. These will most likely pass. Again, the exception. If there's something real happening that is highly concerning traumatic, talk to your teachers. Seek guidance from them as to what's the best way forward for, for you. But for most people, I would recommend seeing if you can be in the muddy moments.

As the quote goes, no mud, no lotus, so we have to sit in the mud, get through the mud for that lotus to bloom so beautifully on the lily pad. And with that, let's talk about the don't, don't try to optimize the retreat. There's a podcaster. You might know him, Tim Ferris author, speaker. He has a beautiful video.

I think he put it up on YouTube two years ago. I think he originally shared it on one of his podcast episodes, but he went to a retreat, I think it was a 10 day or a seven day retreat, and he tried to optimize it. His teacher was Jack Kornfield, which. As a teacher, he had one of the best ones out there, here in the States, actually just throughout the world.

But Tim tried to do this retreat in a fasting state. He also had some help from magic mushrooms. Again, he tried to like double down and really optimize in a self-help guru wellness. Influencer, all that stuff out there way I, and again, I give him so much credit for sharing in a very vulnerable way of what he went through, what he did, what he recommends not doing, because he really did have a horrible experience based on what he shared.

And I don't want that for you. So don't use the retreat as a way to do a complete detox. Or decide you wanna microdose to make the experience even better. Uh, you don't need to do all that. Just go to the retreat. Be curious. Be open. And see what comes up for you as you tune into yourself. Remember, a silent retreat is not an escape.

It's really about a return or tuning into who you are when you're not rushing around and trying to shove all that stuff into your 10 pound sack. And as I mentioned earlier, the silence has many answers. Now I will say this. It's not a quick fix. I would give some thought about how you want to integrate or maybe start to embody some of the things that came up for you in a healthy way from the retreat into other aspects of your life.

If you go on a silent retreat and things come up for you, but then you just go back to how life was before the silent retreat, then the retreat becomes much more transactional, which doesn't make you a bad human. It just makes you pretty. Real and standard to what most people do. The real gift is being in the retreat, paying attention to what comes up.

Really spending time in that space and seeing what, if anything you wish to include in your life as you go forward, as a way to have a fulfilling life, however you might define that. It can help you remember who you are underneath all the noise that's out there. It can help you step into who you're becoming.

And I think that's a wonderful gift that you can give to yourself. So this year I hope you might explore going on a silent retreat of any duration. And if you have questions about it, feel free to reach out. I'd be happy to help or happy to recommend different places that you can go with really good teachers.

Whatever I can do to help you feel whole again, I am all about.

And as always, thank you for being here. Thank you for being part of our community. This year I'm releasing a new book that I co-authored with Dr. Sean Andrews. It's all about allyship. Very specifically, it's the five levels of male allyship, and we created the very first, based on our knowledge first ever ally assessment.

I'll put the link to that assessment in the show notes, but you can pick up your copy through pre-order now and really learn how to bring more people, in particular, more men, into the conversation around inclusion so we can build better workplaces and when we build better workplaces, I believe. We'll change how we work and when we change how we work, we will change how we live together.

So I hope you'll check out our new release. It comes out on February 3rd, and until our next episode, which is on Friday, remember to celebrate your scars as golden symbols of our Katsuga spirit, golden symbols of our strength. And resilience.

And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, Michael O'Brien schiff.com. And sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect, and join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience.

Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this. And. We've got you.