Wesley Farnsworth drops some serious wisdom in this chat. He dives into the main point of his book, *The Blueprint of Becoming*, which is all about how faith and failure can actually lead us to discover our true purpose. We dig into how our past doesn’t have to define our future—like, who knew we could actually change our stars? Wesley's raw honesty about his struggles with addiction and the journey to healing is a gut punch, but in the best way possible. So, if you’re ready to kick fear to the curb and embrace your blueprint, stick around and soak it all in—it's a wild ride!

Wesley Farnsworth, the mastermind behind the enlightening read 'The Blueprint of Becoming: A Practical Guide to Faith, Failure, and Finding Your Way Forward,' joins us for a riveting chat that feels like catching up with an old friend who's got life all figured out—spoiler alert: he doesn't, and that's the beauty of it! We dive deep into the nitty-gritty of what it really means to change your stars, a theme that resonates throughout his work. Wesley shares how a chance encounter at a Celebrate Recovery meeting lit a fire in him, leading to the creation of his book—a guide not just for the lost but for anyone who’s ever felt like they’ve hit a dead end. There's a sort of magic in how he connects personal anecdotes with biblical truths, illustrating that faith isn't about having it all together; it's about the journey of becoming who you were meant to be.

As we meander through the conversation, Wesley's candidness about his struggles—be it addiction, fear of rejection, or the perils of seeking approval—makes you nod along in understanding (or maybe even cringe a little at your own past). He uses the metaphor of a peasant boy yearning to change his stars, emphasizing that your background doesn’t have to dictate your future. With a hefty dose of sarcasm and humor, he highlights the absurdity of letting negativity gatekeep our potential. The dialogue touches on how society often throws shade on our dreams, yet Wesley insists that the power of community and the right mindset can help anyone rise above the noise.

In a world where we often feel lost in the shuffle, Wesley's insights serve as a compass guiding us toward self-acceptance and growth. His book is more than just words on a page; it's a lifeline for those grappling with life's challenges. So, if you're tired of feeling like a ship adrift at sea, this episode is your beacon. Tune in, grab a pen, and get ready to take notes on how to navigate your own blueprint of becoming.

Takeaways:

• Wesley's journey reveals that embracing vulnerability is essential for true healing and growth.
• The idea of changing your stars highlights God's ability to redefine our purpose despite our past mistakes.
• Community plays a crucial role in overcoming personal struggles; we can't do this alone, folks!
• Wesley's experience with addiction shows that admitting our weaknesses is the first step towards recovery.
• Faith isn't just about knowing; it's about making it your own and living it out daily.
• The Blueprint of Becoming offers practical tools for navigating life's challenges and finding direction.

Links referenced in this episode:

• blueprintofbecoming.com
• amazon.com

The Black Sheep Christian podcast.

And today I have author Wesley Farnsworth.

Welcome.

Hi.

Thank you so much.

It's good to be with you.

Thank you for joining.

Being with us today.

Absolutely.

Today is a beautiful topic.

This is something that I'm happy to have reached out to you about and for you to be here today, because as simple as this concept is, I think how the way your book is written is a great way for people to be able to have a plan about their purpose, if that makes sense.

Sure.

So the book is.

Is the blueprint of becoming a practical guide to faith.

And this is a great book, in my opinion.

Oh, my goodness.

I'm just messing around, people.

I don't know what I'm doing.

So this is a great book as far as to have a blueprint as far as your purpose.

What decided.

What prompted you to decide to write this book?

Yeah.

So actually, the full name of the book is actually a blueprint of becoming a practical guide to faith failure and finding your way forward.

I just want to make sure I can get all that in there.

But as far as kind of what.

What prompted it?

You know, back in.

But during that, I was.

I heard a testimony, and somebody said something, and to this day, I can't remember exactly what they said, but it prompted something in my heart and in my mind, and just kind of.

It put this idea of.

Have you ever seen the movie the Knight's Tale with Owen Wilson?

No, not in this.

Okay.

I don't know what you're referring to.

Yeah, so.

So there's a scene in the movie, and it's.

In a lot of different medieval movies, there's similar scenes, but in the scene, the little boy is sitting on the parade route, and this night comes walking down in his horse and shiny everything, and he's like, dad, I want to be like him one day.

And the dad's like, yeah, you could do that.

And then without missing a beat, there's a guy in the crowd, and he goes, you can't do that.

You're just a peasant boy.

You can.

You can't change your stars.

And that just really.

That scene when.

When that.

Whatever that person said in their testimony, that scene just really popped into my.

And I couldn't shake it.

And so we went and I was talking to some more people that night, and the more I talked about it, the more it just kind of like burrowed itself down into my soul, into my Heart.

And the biblical part of that just really started taking root in, you know, how so many of us feel like, you know, we've done something or we come from a certain background or somebody has said whatever it is about us.

And because of that, we're defined.

We can't be whatever it is that we want to be because we're letting that whatever hold us back.

And so the more I just continue to.

To sit on that and meditate on it, the more the spirit just kind of tapped me on the shoulder over and over and over again to the point where I started writing it.

You know, the first couple chapters of the book are my personal testimony where I talk about what I've gone through and the addictions I've faced and stuff like that.

But then as I just continued writing, it's taken me six years to write it.

And eventually, you know, I would feel that tug again, like, hey, this still has to be done, you know.

And so it kind of went back and forth like that over the last six years until earlier this year in April, when I found myself unemployed and God was like, hey, guess what?

You have time to do now?

And so I. I followed the prompting and finished the book.

And now here we are.

Yeah.

Wow.

Okay, so you already preluded to some things that we're going to talk about, because reading your book, I had thoughts in my mind and which I do recommend people reading, because it is a beautifully.

It is a beautifully put together book in the sense of you talk about your experience, and then you.

You use that experience to apply to something that's biblical.

You have.

Then you lay out ways for.

For us, for others to be able to.

On paper, to be able to learn and walk that path and be able to practically put it down, because when it comes to plans and purposes and what God wants us to do, it all just swims.

It almost feels like an ocean.

Sometimes you just don't know if you're up or down, you know, especially how the waves move.

But I find it beautiful of the idea of changing your stars and for you to be able to make that practical, because it does feel that way in a sense that when you're born, you don't get to choose your parents, you don't get to choose your environment, you don't get to choose your circumstances.

So everything just feels set from the very beginning.

And God does a great job consistently to come to us and said, yeah, we're about to change some things and I'm gonna.

So I mean that.

That's my slang way of saying it.

So the idea of changing your stars I find interesting.

And it.

It's interesting because little with the story that you used about the boy in the movie.

It's fascinating to me how dad says a trusted parent, a trusted.

An adult.

Yeah, you can do what you put your mind to it.

You can.

You can be who you desire to be, but a stranger just puts an end to it.

What?

Real quick.

And I find that scene that you point out very interesting.

Yeah, I mean, when you think about it, I mean, I'm a parent and I think.

I know you mentioned you are too.

And as parents, we want nothing more for our kids than to feel like they can succeed.

Right.

And so if they say, I want to do this, we're going to say, go for it.

We want you to have everything and then some.

But the stranger walking down the road doesn't look at it the same way.

They look at you through a different lens.

And so to me, that's just an illustration of the people that we have to.

We have to be careful.

The people that we let within our circles and the people that we have let have influence over our lives.

You know, we can.

We can have people in our lives.

I was talking to some of the other day and they were like, well, I don't know that I want to give up having so and so in my life.

And I said, well, you know, that's okay.

You don't.

To make a change in your life.

You don't necessarily have to remove people from your life, but you do have to remove their influence that they have on your life.

So if you have somebody that, you know, if you want to be a doctor, let's just say you want to be a doctor.

And you have everybody else saying, yeah, go for it.

But then you have this one person that's saying, no, you can't do that.

You're not smart enough, or you're this or you're that.

Well, then you can continue hanging out with that person.

I wouldn't recommend it because they're just speaking negativity in your life.

But if you so choose to do that, you can still do that.

Just limit the interactions that you have with them and then make sure that when they speak into your life, you're not letting that take root and take hold.

And instead you're kind of letting it go in one ear and out the Other so that it's not stopping you from becoming the person that God's calling you to be.

That's a good example.

That reminds me of Jesus and his disciples in the sense of they were experts in their own way, in their own fields, but when it came to the walk, he allowed input, but he didn't have that input influence his actions.

Yeah.

Yep.

And you know, really, I mean, when you think about changing your stars, right?

What we're really talking about is hope, okay?

Hope that your past doesn't determine your future.

You know, we all, we all face moments that threaten us or they threaten to stop us.

You know, whether it be shame, fear, addiction, rejection, whatever it might be.

But God's plan is never limited by where we've been.

Right.

And like in my own life, you know, there's been years where I thought I'd ruined my chance to have a better story.

But God, he specializes in rewriting stories and he takes those, those things that we've done and he uses them for his glory.

You know, he turns our mess into a message, as a lot of people like to say.

But when.

And so when we align our lives with the truth that he speaks over us and we take those small, faithful steps forward, he can completely re.

Reorient and change the trajectory of our lives and really help us change those stars.

Well said.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Like, having that digest your story is, Is beautiful in many ways, as far as your beginning and your struggles and the end.

And what I find fascinating is that you already grew up in the church.

Not as if you weren't aware of what God has asked us to do.

And there's one area that I find interesting and is that you got bored.

I felt like you got bored to a certain point because in your book you write about, you were just like, yeah, no, I apologize.

You.

You were in a class, you left the class and you sat outside your vacation Bible school.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And.

And had a conversation with somebody.

Yep.

Yeah.

It was a vacation Bible school class.

And like you said, I grew up in the church.

My dad was a full time evangelist.

And so in my head, my, my little child's brain, I knew everything that there was to know about God.

Right.

And so, because that's how I grew up, I've grown up in it and around it and surrounded by it.

And so we went to vacation Bible school at my aunt's church one year.

And I don't.

I couldn't tell you what they were teaching or anything, but I Just remember getting bored and going to sit in the hallway.

And one of the teachers came out and said, why are you sitting out here?

And I looked at her and I said, because I'm bored.

I already know there is everything there is to know about God.

And I couldn't tell you how.

What her response was.

I couldn't tell you anything else about that day or really that entire experience in BBS that year.

But I remember that specific memory from, from it.

And it's just, it's something that I always kind of, when I look back on it, I just kind of start chuckling because I want to go, how naive I was at that point in time.

But, you know, it's, it's interesting because this is going to be leading into other things that we're going to be talking about.

It's interesting because when you, when you think about it on a surface level, when you read what others went through on a surface level, it's like that, that's it.

You know, Moses, you know, Moses was rich.

You know, he left after he murdered somebody.

He came back and freed God's people.

Like, boom.

That's it.

Like, like there's a lot of surface level, but there's something about the heart when it's kind of like.

Or different perspectives and point of views when you end up standing on the other side and you just learn the many facets of what God is trying to show us.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's one thing I love about God and I love about how he uses people is because he uses, you know, you mentioned Moses, but I also, as you were talking about him, Paul came to mind.

You know, Paul was Saul, you know, and he, he persecuted Christians and he, he killed Christians.

And all of a sudden one day he went from Saul to Paul.

And of killing, he was rejoicing with and saving and, and working for God and doing all these things.

And God uses our past and he uses that for his glory.

Paul, I think, was so successful because he was able to take his experiences as Saul and reach out to people that previously would have been closed off to anything that he or one of the other disciples or followers of Jesus said.

But he was able to use his experiences and say, hey, I was you.

Just yesterday, just a week ago, you saw me, I was you.

I was murdering these guys, right?

I was persecuting these guys.

But now I'm here to tell you a different story.

And that's what he does with us, is he takes us and he says, hey, I don't care where you've been or what you've done or what you've gone through.

I can use you and I can use your story to further my kingdom, but you have to be willing to let me.

Yes.

Yes.

And your story is interesting in a way, because I was similar in a way as far as wanting to be accepted by anybody and everybody.

You know, that.

That desire to be accepted to the point where in the beginning you think it's a good thing, you know, because you're like, it's not like everybody loves me type thing.

It's.

It's almost.

For me, it was almost as if I can be able to be in every situation at all, you know, at any time and at all times.

But for you, it was different.

Yeah.

You know, when.

When you.

When you think about the fear of rejection, right.

It is such a powerful, powerful feeling.

And as humans, we don't want to feel that rejection in any way, shape, or form.

And so when you start to let that fear run your life, you start to become codependent on other people.

You.

You begin to shift how you think, what you say, what you do to meet the appearance of what you think this other person wants from you.

And you get to be so good at that.

I often refer to myself, and I refer to myself in the book as the master chameleon, because I could go into any situation, any environment, and blend in pretty well because I just became that good at it.

Part of it was because, you know, growing up as a pastor, kid, and even as a husband and a church leader, I thought being accepted meant being perfect.

You know, I thought that I had to be accepted and had to be approved of in order to reflect positively on my wife at the time, my.

My pastor, the church I attended, where I worked, but more importantly on, you know, to be reflected on Jesus.

And so I. I felt like if I said something that somebody did.

Didn't disagree with, or this, I'm sorry, somebody didn't agree with, even if I wasn't wrong, if they disagreed with me, then that was a fear of rejection.

And that would cause them to look negatively on me, which then would cause them to look negatively on the people I was associated with, you know, God, if they weren't Christians, all of that type of thing.

So those.

That fear and shame made me really kind of kind of overtook my life in a lot of ways.

And because of that, I found myself shifting who I was so often that I started to really lose myself.

You know, I. I started.

I talk about how I reached a breaking point in the Book where I realized that God didn't want a polished version of me.

He wanted the real me.

He wanted the broken, the honest, the person that was willing to grow.

And when I stopped hiding and I started healing, then I began to remember who I really was.

And that's when my, my healing and my journey to becoming, my blueprint of becoming, that's when that really started to take root in my life.

Because I started to become not who others expected to me to be, but who God created me to be.

And so that's kind of how, how things have taken root and, and shape over the years is I, I let go of that fear of rejection as much as I could.

I'm still human.

I still have it every now and then, but I don't let it run my life like I once did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's powerful.

You know, it's really connecting because when we talk about, you know, the changing of your stars and talking about, you know, the being influenced with your fear of rejection, you were influenced in ways that were unhealthy for you.

Yeah, yeah, I was influenced by a lot of people.

You know, I worked in, in public places and a lot of the people I worked with were not Christian.

And they would say things and do things and coming from a Christian household, some of the things that they said and did, I didn't know anything about.

You know, and so they led to me doing things that I probably shouldn't have done.

You know, when I think about the addiction, you know, I had a 20 year addiction to pornography that was the result of one of those things.

I had a friend that said something and I had no idea what that term was that he said.

And I couldn't tell you what the term was today, but I remember him saying something that I didn't know what it was.

And so I went home that night and I did an Internet search because I wanted to know what this term was.

Because when he said it, he and all the other people we were with started laughing and joking about it.

And so I thought it was something funny.

And so I went home and searched for it so that next time it happened, I wasn't going to be caught off guard.

I would be able to participate in a knowledgeable way and be accepted, right?

I wouldn't be rejected.

I would be accepted.

There's that codependent part of it again.

And that night, the, the, the doors to the addiction kind of swung open and I was, I was introduced to things that I never should have been introduced to.

And it took Me a long time to remove it surgically.

Remove it from my life.

Yeah.

You know, when, when I read that in the book.

In your book, I completely understood because coming from a Christian home myself, there were things that my parents didn't allow for us to watch or didn't allow for us to consume as far as the media when it came to music and television.

And so there were times when I disobeyed and went to a friend's house and watched something that I wasn't supposed to watch.

I remember one time.

I remember one time it was like around Halloween and it was a sleepover.

And I remember it was I Know what yout Did Last Summer.

And we just rated our.

It was rated R, and I wasn't allowed to watch rated R. But, you know, I'm with a group of friends, so who's for me to say I can't watch this in front of a group of people?

Right?

Yep.

So it was considered like horror, you know?

And so we watched it.

And I remember I confessed it to my mom.

First of all, I thought it was stupid at the time because everybody was like.

And I was like, why are they doing that?

That's so stupid.

But anyways, I remember I confessed it to my mom, and my mom was like, I hope you sleep at night, which I did.

But, but that is an example.

When I read what you did, I completely understood because even.

Because I was similar in that way too.

Because you, you, you just, you want to be accepted.

Yeah.

And I think of it as like that shiny red button.

You know, everyone's like, don't push that.

You can push any other button, but don't push that red button.

Right.

And so, and, and so when you tell a kid, hey, here's this red button, or even worse, you don't.

You see, you say, here's this great big panel of buttons, but you don't tell them.

You don't tell them that if they move that curtain off to the right, there's another big red button.

Right.

And then they find that red button on their own, what are they going to do?

They're going to want to push that red button and see what that red button does.

Exactly.

And so when you have kids and you don't tell them about things and you don't introduce them or let them become knowledgeable about things of the world.

I mean, hey, I'm not a. I'm not big enough into profanity.

Right.

But profanity is a way of the world.

It's everywhere.

Yes.

And so I Think, you know, people are like, hey, I. I don't let my kids watch thing was porn that with a profanity at home.

And, and well, that's fine and that's okay.

And to a sense that even makes.

Or to a degree even makes sense.

Right.

What you're really doing is you're sheltering them.

And so when they get older and they are away from home and they're at their friend's house.

Yes.

Or they go off to, to college or they become adults on their own.

And now they have this shiny red button that they found because mom and dad said I could never touch that button and, or let alone look at it.

What are they going to want to do?

They're going to want to see that button does.

Yes.

Oh my gosh, that reminds me.

I remember when you use the word profanity, it reminds me of a story of my daughter.

And on the swings, I'll never forget it.

And they're just testing the water and they were like, witch ditch.

Like, like they were like, how are you gonna react, Mom?

And I remember when they did that, I was like, listen, if you're gonna use those words, you need to use those words correctly.

And you're not using those words correctly.

Exactly.

So these are the reasons why these words should not be used in this manner.

But I will never forget that.

But, but yes, but as parents, and you are correct in the sense that.

And it's a balancing act because when you shelter too much, as you said, it's a shiny red button and it can be too much when they do become exposed.

But as parents in Christ, it's important for us to be able to guide them in the right direction.

I mean, I think back to my addiction.

You know, I grew up in the churches I attended.

The topics of things like pornography was never talked about ever.

Like, I can think of probably one time in all of my years growing up that I remember it being talked about in a youth group setting.

And it surely wasn't talked about at home.

And so now I'm not saying that, hey, parents, you need to go out and let your kids watch porn and introduce them to it so that they're not addicted to it later in life.

I'm not saying that in any way, shape or form, don't get me wrong.

But there is a way that you can say, hey, this is what this is.

These feelings and these curiosities are normal.

Right.

As men, we're, we're supposed to be attracted to women.

And women, you're supposed to be Attracted to men, the curiosities are normal.

And it's okay to talk about them as long as you're doing in a healthy way and a safe way with mom or dad or pastor or somebody like, like that.

And you're, you're expressing and you're.

You're talking about them in a curiosity and a healthy way.

Right.

But the kids need to know, and teens need to know that, hey, this is okay to talk about in a healthy, safe manner.

Don't go talk about it with friends on the side of the road.

You know all that because you.

Neither one of you know what you're talking about.

But if you can do it in a healthy way and the kids know that they can do it without fear of being rejected or fear of being shamed or being looked down on for having these feelings or these thoughts, then I honestly think the systemic problem of addictions to things like pornography will go away.

Because that shiny red button effect, that hidden, that hidden.

The hidden power, the draw that it has will lose its power, its draw.

Because now these things that were in the shadows are being brought into the light.

And when things are in the light, they can't sustain the darkness.

Yes, facts.

You know, it's interesting because as a church, I don't think as a whole, we really don't know how to have these conversations because I think part of it is we don't even know how we feel about things ourselves.

We know, for example, you know, profanity, pornography, those things are bad.

You know that, that's clear.

You know, we know those things are bad, but we just don't know our feelings to be able to articulate how it makes other people feel and how to handle it.

Well, and I think part of it too, is we know that they're bad, but we, some, for a lot of us, we don't know why they're bad.

Right.

We only, we only know they're bad because that's what we were told being brought up.

Yes.

And so in order for us to say, yeah, those are bad, yeah, you know, we need to know why they're bad and have an understanding of our own in order for us to be able to really let it take root and be a part of our lives.

Otherwise we're just regurgitating what somebody else said and it really means nothing to us.

Facts, facts.

There's no way better way I can say that.

So with your.

Your story of coming out of your addiction is really powerful to me because it's something that we all go through, no matter how small or extreme it is.

And it is.

It is the physically saying that I have.

I have a problem and I can no longer handle this.

I find your story quite fascinating in that way.

You were in a.

You finally go back to church, you find a group to be with what, in your.

What, spirit environment?

I. I don't know how to describe it.

What allowed you to be able to say now is the time, because you had a lot of opportunity, but you were too scared to even take that chance.

Yeah, I never stopped going to church.

I've gone to church my entire life.

And so that's one of the things that I think is honestly one of the things that makes my story so unique and powerful.

And I actually, I'm not even going to say unique, because I know I'm not the only one.

And I can say that with 100% certainty.

But for a long time, I didn't seek help.

I didn't get help because.

Well, it was for a couple of different reasons.

Number one, when I.

For a while there, I was in the military and I had a security clearance, and I was afraid of, you know, if I came forward and said, hey, I have this problem, this addiction, it might interfere with my security clearance in some way or my ability to serve.

And I didn't want to chance that.

And because I was military, I was moving around a lot, and I didn't have the ability to.

To meet people and create friendships at a deep enough level that I knew that I could trust them with something so big in my life.

Right.

And so it wasn't until I got out of the military and we moved to this place in the.

To Ohio, and we started going to this church and I started serving there, and I actually became a ministry leader.

I was running the church Live Stream, and I was just really.

I was.

In a lot of ways, my faith was progressing and growing, but I still had this one thing holding me back, you know, lingering there in the shadows.

And that's when the church started a ministry called Celebrate Recovery.

Now give a little plug about for Celebrate Recovery real quick.

The one thing I love about this ministry is it's not for addictions, as most people think.

You know, when they hear Recovery, they think of Recovery meetings, they think of drugs and alcohol, first thing people think of.

But when it comes to Celebrate Recovery, that's not the case.

Really.

One in three people that go to Celebrate Recovery are there for drugs or alcohol.

Everyone else that's there is for things of life.

You know, Celebrate Recovery helps you with any kind of A hurt, any kind of a habit, any kind of a hang up.

And so when people like, well, do I, can I go?

I said, do you wake up in the morning and are you human?

And if you can answer yes to those two things, then you can go to celebrate recovery and find something there for you because they help you overcome your hurts in life.

Everybody's been hurt in some way, shape or form in their life.

And so, so CR was started at the church, and I was like, man, that sounds really cool.

I should go check it out.

And then I just kind of.

I kind of just let that linger for a few months.

I was like, I really don't want to.

You know, it's not going to be for me.

I know that I need to go, but it's not for me.

And so finally one day I was like, okay, I'm gonna go.

And so I got there and I. I kind of sat in the parking lot for a little bit and.

And the weight of it just kind of sat there with me.

And I was like, man, if I go in there and I admit to this thing, what are people going to think of me?

You know, all of the lies that.

The other part of the reason I never got help is because of the lies the enemy was telling me.

You know, you're not good enough to beat this.

You.

If you admit this, then they're going to look at you with such disgust, and you're never going to be allowed back in the church again.

And you're unique.

Nobody else has ever dealt with something like this.

And.

And all of these things that the enemy is telling you to keep you right where he wants you, right?

And so I'm sitting in the car and I'm.

The.

The lies of the enemy are just going through my head.

And so eventually I was like, you know what?

I need to go in.

So I got up and I walked in and I sat in the back row and I said, I'm going to sit here and I'm going to go through the meeting, and then I'm going to just get up and leave.

And then I can say that I tried it and it's not for me.

Well, obviously that didn't work out for me because we went through the.

We went through the meeting.

And then after the meeting, I went through what they call Newcomers101, which is for anybody that's new, you go and you just learn more about the ministry.

And for whatever reason, that night, I was the only new guy in the building.

And so I sat with the.

The Ministry leader at the time.

And I said.

And he said, so, what brings you in tonight?

And I said, codependency, which.

Codependency, as we talked about earlier, is just the fear of.

The fear of being.

Of wanting to be approved of others.

You know, the fear of rejection, the fear of caring what other people think about you more than what you think, or more importantly, what God thinks of you.

And I'd never even heard the term codependency until that night, but I heard it, heard it explained from the stage that night.

And so when they asked what brought you in?

I said, codependency.

And.

And he said, okay, great.

He's like, well, it's.

You know, it's good to have you.

And he started to move on, and he just stopped dead in his tracks.

And he looked at me and he said, is there anything else?

Now, I can tell you from experience and with 100 certainty, he had no reason to ask that question because it's not in their leader's guide.

But it was at that moment that I had sirens going off in my head.

You know, if you ever.

Have you ever seen the movie Inside Out?

Yes.

You know, you.

All the little characters inside the head running crazy, you know, the sirens going off, that was the inside of my head.

You know, what was going.

What's going on?

How did he know?

Or what did he know?

How did he know it?

All these things are running through my head.

And I just started bawling, absolutely bawling.

And that's when I addicted and.

Or that's when I broke down and found myself admitting to this addiction that I'd been hiding for 20 years.

And.

And instead of hearing all of the things that the enemy told me I was going to hear, I heard, wes, you are a brave man.

Thank you for admitting that to me.

And instead of rejection, I found love.

And instead of rejection, I found acceptance.

And it was at night that the addiction broke.

And my road to addiction, my road to healing and sobriety from the addiction began.

Wow.

Thank you for sharing that.

That's a beautiful story.

Thank you for sharing that.

I'm digesting, giving that its moment, because that is a beautiful moment on both parts.

Because for you to be able to.

To.

To say what you hold on for so long, but also for him to be able to obey.

I'm guessing he probably had the holy.

Spirit tell him, you know, there's no other way to.

There is zero other way to explain that.

That was clearly a prompting from God.

God's like.

God's God.

I Could just see God standing there like he's not done yet.

Ask him again.

Exactly, exactly.

Because when you.

Because when we use Paul as an example and I can't remember his name and oh my gosh.

Because, you know, when Paul had the encounter with Jesus, he was blind for a couple of days.

And so somebody came to him, you know, God told him to go to him knowing who he was and what he was doing, so he will be able to begin his journey with Christ.

And so that is beautiful that you were able to begin your journey.

You're not even.

Not to begin your journey, but to begin your.

A new chapter with Christ, I should say.

I think that would be a better way of saying it.

A new chapter, Christ.

Yeah, so that's beautiful.

New chapter in my blueprint.

Yeah, yeah, that's even better.

Oh goodness.

So your book offers tools to write out goals and ways to identify for us to work on.

You were brave to move forward in your relationship with Christ.

And so for those who are afraid to move forward physically because that, that was a physical.

For you to open up your mouth to say something is a physical act.

So for those who are afraid to physically move, what advice would you give them?

I would say this.

You don't have to move fast.

You just have to move.

Take those, take those little steps, those baby steps, those steps of faith, and just move forward little by little.

Don't worry about.

It's.

It's not a sprint or it's not a marathon, right?

Or.

Yes, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon.

You're taking it one step at a time.

You can't eat an elephant with one bite.

You can't eat the apple with one bite.

Addiction and, and, and overcoming your life's hurts and your habits and your hang ups and the, and the things that have happened to you, right.

Those are not things that are going to change overnight.

And I think that's where a lot of people get hung up on this.

They wake up one day and they say, okay, I'm gonna become this and I'm not gonna let this worry me anymore or bother me anymore.

And so they go, cool, you know, and they go through the day and then they, they.

Something happens and, and it, it pops its head out and they go, well, I can't do it.

They throw up their hands and they go, I'm just gonna stick with what I know because it's what I know and it's, I at least know how to manage it, right?

And that's what happens.

Fear often Tells us that we need to have everything figured out before we start.

But faith says, take the next right step and God will.

And God.

Trust God with the rest, right?

Take the next right step and trust God with the rest.

In the book, I give readers a lot of different things that they can do, you know, through writing and other things.

But one of the things I, I do is I give goals, right?

I give you things that you can do not just for achievement's sake, but to begin to align your actions with God's purpose.

Sometimes that means just taking small steps, like writing a prayer or joining a group or asking somebody for help.

But the key is obedience over perfection.

Every small consistent step that you take in the right direction will build momentum.

And God meets us in that mo, in that motion, and he honors it, but he doesn't like hesitation.

We have to have, we have to have the.

Basically we have to go all in, right?

We have to say, okay, God, I know what you want to do, I feel what you want to do.

I sense your spirit moving.

And I know this is an area of my life that I need to work on.

So I'm going to begin taking those baby steps, those small steps forward.

And with each step, I'm going to start to build momentum.

And then that momentum is going to turn into a walk, into a sprint, and you know, into a full out run.

And you're going to start seeing life change.

And, you know, another thing that I think keeps people from holding people back is they say, you know, I, and I alluded to this.

You know, I've, I've been dealing with this for so long.

I know what my life is like with it in it.

I can't picture my life without whatever it is in it.

You know, let's use cheeseburgers for an example.

You know, everybody loves cheeseburgers, unless you're a vegetarian, in which case, I'm sorry for, you know, you're listening to this, but everybody that likes meat likes to cheat.

Good cheeseburger.

You know, it's like a holy grail when you find one.

You know what life is like.

You know what life is like with cheeseburgers in it.

And now for you to sit here as a meat lover and say, man, what would my life be without cheeseburgers in it?

We can't picture that, and we don't want to picture that.

But if it gets to the point where it's bad enough that, you know, you have to eliminate cheeseburgers from your life, well, now you have to start taking those steps and be like God, and just be honest with God.

He already knows that.

God, I love these cheeseburgers.

I love whatever this thing is in my life.

I'm used to it.

It gives me comfort.

It may not be healthy for me, but physically or spiritually, but it brings me comfort.

I know what it's like.

I'm scared of the dark, or I'm scared of what's on the other side of that, around that corner.

When I finally turn that corner and it's no longer in my life, I'm scared of it because it's now the unknown.

And we don't like the unknown.

No, we don't.

And so you have to.

You have to let him.

Let him give you that.

That help and just put your trust in him.

That what's waiting for you around that corner without whatever that is in your life is better than what you could ever imagine and is definitely better.

If God's telling you to remove it from your life, then I guarantee you whatever is waiting for you around that corner is better than what's in your life right now.

Yes.

Well said.

I'm digesting.

That's well said.

I find it funny that you use cheeseburgers as an example, because it was over the weekend.

Yeah.

It wasn't even a week ago.

It was so funny because I wanted.

I wanted a burger, and I was like, I'm gonna go to Burger King and get a burger.

And I was like, a Whopper.

That's what I want.

And so there was a Whopper and a Whopper junior.

And I was like, this is not healthy.

So let me get the Junior.

So I open it up, you know, because the Junior in my area is like $3 and change.

Okay.

Just the sandwich.

The.

The Whopper is like $7 and change.

And I was like, I'm definitely gonna get the Junior cheaper, and it's smaller.

And I don't need it.

And when I opened up that thing, I was like, it's so small.

How small it was.

But then I get.

I was like, I'm not supposed to be eating this to begin with.

Let's see.

But see, you took a baby step there, right?

You said, you know what?

I really want a burger.

And instead of getting the.

Instead of getting that big Whopper, I'm gonna do the Whopper Junior.

I know I'm not going to be completely satisfied, but it's gonna wet those taste buds just enough that it'll remove the craving.

And you.

So you took a baby step.

Now next time, you can go.

I don't need that Whopper and not get it at all.

But you took a bit, you, you took that baby step in the right direction.

Not even go to Burger King, period.

That's right.

Just keep on driving.

I got food at home that I already bought.

That's what's so sad.

Like you go to, you go to the grocery store and buy food and then you go and pick up some takeout.

Oh, goodness.

Let's see.

And that, that's where, that's where things like accountability, having accountability people in your life too.

You know, I mentioned joining a group, you know, part of Celebrate Recovery is not necessarily there for a promise because you need community, right?

Everybody that goes there has admits that they have something that they're pro, they're dealing with, whether it be they want to remove cheeseburgers from their life or they want to remove things like alcohol or drugs or, or, you know, just the, the pain from somebody hurting them 15, 20 years ago, you know, whatever it is or something that needs to be removed.

And when you can put yourself in a community of people, whether it be one people or 100 people that all admit that we're broken, you know, we're humans, we're broken, we're not perfect, it's okay to admit you're not perfect.

It's okay to not be okay.

Hear me when I say that.

When you can admit that and you surround yourself with people that you can be honest with and you can be vulnerable with, then now you have a support team in your life.

So when you're like, hey, I really want this Whopper, right?

You can call, you can call up your friends and be like, yo, remember I was telling you the other day about the, the.

That I'm trying to eliminate cheeseburgers from my life?

Man, I had this craving for a Whopper so bad.

Like, and, man, I'm.

I should be getting money from Whopper right now because people are going to be asking, they're gonna be going to line it up at Burger King.

But you can talk to, you can call up that person, you know, that account of that accountability person in your life.

Those people that you've surrounded yourself.

Be like, hey, remember I was telling you about this?

I really want this right now.

Can you talk to me?

Can we, can we just get together or can you just talk to me until this craving passes or at least until I go past the drive through so that I don't turn my car in there, you know, and so that's where the power of community comes in.

You know, anything that has to do with changing your life is not meant to be done alone.

You can't do it alone.

We're meant to be in community with other people.

And when you try and do something by yourself, I'm not saying it's completely impossible, but it is definitely a hundred percent harder than it is when you have community in your life and you have those people that you can rely on and depend on to be there for you and have your back when you need it.

Yes.

Yes.

Well said.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Thinking about that little boy who was bored during bbs.

What would you.

You what, what do you think he was missing?

And what would you say to him today?

Man, I, you know, I just, I was, I was thinking about this earlier actually, and I said, you know, I'm like, what would I tell myself back then?

And what was, what was different about my faith then compared to now?

And, you know, I think one of the big things for me is I would just say, you know, you don't know everything.

And soak up the knowledge from those around you, especially those that are older than you, and really just ask questions and, and embrace the unknown.

You know, when we're children, we have a level of understanding that is different than adults.

You know, we haven't, we have a thirst for knowledge.

We just don't want to get it from school because then it's, it's.

I have four kids, I can say that they don't want to get it from school, but you just gotta have, have a thirst for knowledge and be like, hey, you know.

And so when I think about what was different from then to now is growing up, I had faith and I, I was saved.

And I can say that with certainty.

But the faith wasn't really my own in a lot of ways.

I was writing the faith and piggybacking or riding the coattails on my parents.

Faith.

Faith, right.

Because they took me to church every Sunday, every Sunday night, every Wednesday night.

If the church doors were open, I like to say, you know, both my parents served in ministry, so it was kind of a family business.

So if the church doors were open, we were there.

And so I didn't know a whole lot.

I didn't know life outside of ministry.

And so as a result, the faith really, what didn't become my own until I was grown up and out of the house and I started having to face things on my own.

And I had to say, hey, no, you know what, you're gonna get your butt out of bed and Go to church on Sunday morning or you're gonna get.

Get your butt out of bed and go to that CR meeting, even though you don't want to, because that's what you need to do.

And I'm gonna tell you right now, every time I have forced my butt to get out of bed and go to church or go to CR or go to anything else that's faith related, even though I didn't want to, that's when I got the most out of it.

Because then I was there and I was being.

I was there with a purpose.

And so my ears were open more than when I go, just because I know it's where I'm supposed to be.

And so I.

You have to.

As I kind of look back, I would say those are kind of the two things I would say.

I would say, number one, as a child, embrace the unknown.

Admit that you don't know everything.

It's okay to admit that you're probably not going to because you're a kid and you don't think.

You think you know everything and adults don't.

But just be okay, admitting that and ask and seek the knowledge of those around you.

And then as you continue to grow, learn how to make the faith your own and not stop riding the coattails or the pigtails or the.

Whatever you want to say.

Stop riding in the shadow of your parents or your grandparents or whoever it was that brought you up.

You know, you have to make it your own in order to be successful.

Wow.

Well said.

Well said.

Yeah.

I'm just giving this moment to digest because that.

That was beautifully said.

The blueprint of becoming a practical guide to faith failure and finding your way forward is a great book.

And we didn't even touch on.

I don't.

I feel like we didn't even touch a third.

I do highly recommend for those to be able to pick it up, read it.

Addiction isn't the only thing there is grief, which.

That.

Oh, my gosh, we didn't even talk about that.

That.

That is a powerful story about how your family came through that.

This is a great book.

Because what's beautiful about this book is, is that you share your experience, your growth, and then you tie it into scripture, and then you also give to tools, practical tools for anybody to be able to take the time to digest, you know, their own story and their own experience.

So I do want to thank you for being with us today, joining us today, and also to the fact that you took the time to write this.

That is.

That is an obedience in itself to be to go through those memories again.

Thank you.

That's my pleasure.

You know, God has worked in my way and God has worked in my life in so many ways.

You know, you mentioned the hurt I talk about in the book.

Overcoming the pain of losing my 16 year old brother to a car accident among so many other things.

And I have just seen God move time and time again in my life, life and, and in ways that can only be described as a work of God.

It can't be described any other way.

It has been a long road, but it's not one I would change.

And I appreciate you having me on to be able to share just a little, very small, tiny, but a little bit of my, A little bit of my story.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Yeah.

So you can get this book at Amazon.

I don't know why my eyes just want to have water up, but I'm just thinking about what I read because like when I read we were corresponding offline people, of course, what we do.

And then, because I know you asking for like questions and part of me, when I, when I read the book, it was like I had so many thoughts.

It was just like I read something and then I sit in it, you know, and then I pick it up again and I read something else and I just sit in it and it was just to be able to.

And what I mean by sit, like, like there's just, there's pain in which you'd be like, oh my gosh, like, like, like.

Even though I haven't gone through those things, it's, it's, it's just feeling that you just sit and to be able to digest.

And that's also what scripture does for us, you know, and that's what you're supposed to do with scripture because there's so much, many things that are multifaceted in everything that God has wanted to be written.

And sometimes you just have to sit in it in order to be able to digest and to understand all perspectives of what God is trying to show us.

Yeah, absolutely.

And you know, one of the things I'll mention is this book has been such a journey to write, to write.

As I said and as I was.

This was not the original intent when I first, when I first started publishing this book.

Okay.

But when I first started reading it, I had a few people read it as better readers to kind of give me some feedback.

And I had more than one person be like man, this would be a really good group discussion guide.

And I kind of just sat on that for a while and I was like, God was like, yeah, you know, I, let's, let's do that.

You know, do it.

And so I've actually if you go out to the website blueprintofbecoming.com you can go out there.

There's some free resources, there's a quiz that you can take that'll kind of tell you where you are in your becoming steps as to where you might want to start in the book.

After you read my testimony, of course, because that I think helps frame the book.

But in addition there's also a free, I've made available a free leader's guide and a free participants guide that you can download as a bundle that actually turns this book into a 10 week group discussion guide.

Group discussion.

And it walks you through as a group because now you're in that community that we talked about earlier.

You walk, you go through as a, as a group and start working individually at figuring out your blueprint of becoming and identifying the areas of that you probably should change because that's what God's telling you to do.

And I make that available free of charge on the website to help people take their next step into finding their becoming beautiful.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Because you are correct now in the book there are some steps too which is really good.

I was like, oh steps.

Let me, let me digest this.

Let me, let me figure myself out like as if I haven't been with myself all these years.

But, but it really be able to put things on paper and be able to move to see yourself in a different way.

So thank you Wesley for joining me today in this conversation.

I, I'm going to be digesting this conversation even, even after today.

And so I thank you for sharing your story and being with me today.

It's my pleasure.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

So viewers, I want to thank you again for watching.

Remember, God is love and God wants us to show his love to the world.

Until next time.

Later.