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Generational Healing with Amber DeAnn
Episode 1922nd November 2021 • The Natural Evolution • Michael Roesslein
00:00:00 00:59:58

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Amber DeAnn shared this story with us:

"Years ago, even as an adult, I felt controlled by Mom. Her “You can’t do that” words still rang in my head lighting my inner fire of rage and started many screaming sessions. Mentally I always replied “Oh yeah, watch me.”

Anger was my fuel, the energy, I used to accomplish everything— get through college, make the grades, apply for jobs. Then one day it evaporated suddenly as I lay in bed too sick to move. What happened?

Anger had become a physically destructive emotion ruining my health. It distancing me from people thus creating a social vacuum in my life. It alienated me from my spirit. It kept me spinning in circles seeing every negative life experience as an enemy to be slain.

But actually my adult life resembled Humpty Dumpty who had fallen off the ledge and now lay in pieces on the ground. I felt anxious, depression, lost and confused. I had to make a decision.

I was not going to let my childhood abuse, beatings, belittling comments, emotional abandonment and controlled behavior become the blueprint for my life. So by researching the best ancient wisdom and neuroscience healing techniques, I was able to reconstruct myself.

I learned self inquiry, self empowerment, and how to create freedom for me. I learned how to listen and be guided by your intuition, break patterns of thinking and behavior, and find harmony with your Spirit and be a creative, fun kid enjoying nature, animals, art, writing.

I became a life coach, hypnotherapist, psychic reader, energy worker and author of 2 books on self healing. Now I seek to be a peer support specialist who can gently cheerlead, motivate, and mentor others unto their own personal discovery path back to wholeness.

I also am drawn to creating support classes focused on expressive art and writing. Creating is so nourishing & healing to the soul."

To start on your own healing journey, connect with Amber at https://coachingbyamber.com/

Head over to https://rebelhealthtribe.com/kit to get a free download of our loaded quick start guide to help you along your healing journey.  If you like us, subscribe, review, and share us with your friends, and come join our Rebel Health Tribe group on Facebook.

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Transcripts

Mike Roesslein:

Hey everyone, here's a, this is gonna be a really fun episode.

Mike Roesslein:

One of our, our listener supported a community sourced episodes, which are so

Mike Roesslein:

far turning out to be really fun to do.

Mike Roesslein:

I'm here with a member of our rebel health tribe, community, Amber.

Mike Roesslein:

Amber.

Mike Roesslein:

Thank you.

Amber DeAnn:

Thank you for having me.

Mike Roesslein:

Yeah, this is going to be fun.

Mike Roesslein:

Um, this was an idea we came up with when we were trying to do something unique

Mike Roesslein:

with the podcast is people are used to hearing from certain guests and certain

Mike Roesslein:

people in the functional medicine world.

Mike Roesslein:

And we're lucky enough that a lot of them trust us enough to come on our things.

Mike Roesslein:

But then I was like, how can we make this more fun and engaging?

Mike Roesslein:

And how can we involve more people?

Mike Roesslein:

And so we put out a.

Mike Roesslein:

A little APB out to our, our community and asked for their healing journey stories.

Mike Roesslein:

And yours is one that came in that really grabbed my attention and I

Mike Roesslein:

feel as one that needs to be shared.

Mike Roesslein:

And so, um, it's been really fun getting to know and meet and talk to some of

Mike Roesslein:

our people who are valuable members of our, our audience and our community.

Mike Roesslein:

And it's fun to, to bring you on, to be on the other side of the camera.

Mike Roesslein:

So.

Mike Roesslein:

I hope that you enjoy the, the experience here.

Mike Roesslein:

And I just appreciate in advance because I know enough about your

Mike Roesslein:

story to know that this is going to be really powerful for people to hear.

Mike Roesslein:

So thank you for volunteering to, to share it.

Amber DeAnn:

Thank you for having me here.

Amber DeAnn:

I love it.

Mike Roesslein:

It's going to be fun.

Mike Roesslein:

Um, so I guess we'll just go back to the beginning and, um, I'm going to

Mike Roesslein:

put a little trigger warning out there for people in the audience on this one.

Mike Roesslein:

We're going to talk about some sensitive subjects a little bit,

Mike Roesslein:

uh, just to let everybody know.

Mike Roesslein:

And, um, we're gonna start back at the beginning where, you know, you

Mike Roesslein:

have now done a lot of work and a lot of healing and a lot of growth work.

Mike Roesslein:

And so now you kind of have a really solid understanding of where.

Mike Roesslein:

You're a chronic health issues and mental health challenges and things stemmed from.

Mike Roesslein:

So I will let you describe and explain that in the way that feels good to

Mike Roesslein:

you and kind of set the stage for, for how you wound up, where you wound

Mike Roesslein:

up to even need a healing journey.

Amber DeAnn:

Okay.

Amber DeAnn:

Uh, I'll start from the beginning.

Amber DeAnn:

My parents were in world war two and they were working in

Amber DeAnn:

Omaha for insurance companies.

Amber DeAnn:

They all had nice jobs and they love their social life, even though, you know, they

Amber DeAnn:

weren't making a lot of money and then.

Amber DeAnn:

My mother got pregnant after four years of marriage and she was shocked and she

Amber DeAnn:

didn't like this and she wasn't happy.

Amber DeAnn:

And then dad wasn't happy because at that time, when you worked, if you're

Amber DeAnn:

a woman working in insurance company and you got pregnant, you were fired.

Amber DeAnn:

No questions asked that was it.

Amber DeAnn:

They were not putting up with that, especially during the

Amber DeAnn:

warriors and shortly after.

Amber DeAnn:

So mom got fired from her job and then dad had to leave too.

Amber DeAnn:

So they had to leave Omaha and they moved in to, um, my, my mother's parents, they

Amber DeAnn:

had a farm and, uh, dad part of Nebraska.

Amber DeAnn:

And, but the problem was my mother didn't like my, her mother.

Amber DeAnn:

So there was a lot of friction there.

Amber DeAnn:

And my grandmother didn't like, So were you, so right away here, she is pregnant.

Amber DeAnn:

God delivered the baby.

Amber DeAnn:

And now she's in this really tense, stressful situation, which was her

Amber DeAnn:

birthplace, which she never got along with anybody in the first place.

Amber DeAnn:

And she didn't know what to do, you know?

Amber DeAnn:

So she's really upset.

Amber DeAnn:

So from there, they eventually.

Amber DeAnn:

Found a farm and rented it and then became farmers because

Amber DeAnn:

that's what my dad wanted to do.

Amber DeAnn:

Then they eventually bought for him.

Amber DeAnn:

They became very successful with what they were doing, but my dad was a workaholic.

Amber DeAnn:

My grandfather, my mother's father was a workaholic.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, there was a lot of family dynamics in there that were

Amber DeAnn:

going to create a lot of stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

And they were going to create stress on me.

Amber DeAnn:

So I was the one that was blamed for tearing up my mom's life and Omaha

Amber DeAnn:

and ruining everything she had planned because you now had to be a farm wife.

Mike Roesslein:

It was your fault.

Mike Roesslein:

She lost her job at her career.

Mike Roesslein:

They lost their social life there.

Mike Roesslein:

They lost all of those things.

Amber DeAnn:

He lost everything.

Amber DeAnn:

So it was all my fault.

Amber DeAnn:

So she carried this revenge against me for a long time.

Amber DeAnn:

And, uh, as you know, when you do some functional medicine, the stress hormones

Amber DeAnn:

develop and they, they move from the mother into the child, into the womb.

Amber DeAnn:

And now the child has as much trauma and stress as the mother did.

Amber DeAnn:

She's not even born.

Amber DeAnn:

So, so when I was born, mom said it took three days in labor to

Amber DeAnn:

have me, and then I didn't want to be touched by her in the hall.

Amber DeAnn:

So every time she touched me, I screamed.

Amber DeAnn:

So that is a bad story to ready to have to life.

Amber DeAnn:

And then, then after that, um, a lot of things happened and I was abused in a lot

Amber DeAnn:

of different ways, but I don't remember it when I was almost eight years old.

Amber DeAnn:

My brother was born.

Amber DeAnn:

And that's when my memory kind of kicked in, it was like a

Amber DeAnn:

headed energy transfusion.

Amber DeAnn:

And now I was awake and I was alive and here I was on the farm and trying

Amber DeAnn:

to cope with the whole situation.

Amber DeAnn:

Everybody was still angry at me.

Amber DeAnn:

Now, all the attention is focused on my brother.

Amber DeAnn:

He gets all the praise and the glory and constantly taking care of him because

Amber DeAnn:

he's a man and he's going to help her in the farm and all of this kind of stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

I was ignored and there wasn't any security.

Amber DeAnn:

There wasn't any safety.

Amber DeAnn:

There wasn't any trust.

Amber DeAnn:

Cause every time mom got upset about some little things she blew

Amber DeAnn:

up and she started to hit me.

Amber DeAnn:

And so I grew up with an overactive nervous system.

Amber DeAnn:

I grew up with the fight flight or freeze thing going on a hundred times a day,

Amber DeAnn:

you know, and it was, I had bad dreams.

Amber DeAnn:

I had all kinds of things.

Amber DeAnn:

I couldn't relate.

Amber DeAnn:

I ended up.

Amber DeAnn:

The first couple of years of school, I did very poorly.

Amber DeAnn:

I think I had D's and F's and everything.

Amber DeAnn:

Something happened when I turned eight and then my head, that energy transfusion,

Amber DeAnn:

and then I could do good in school.

Amber DeAnn:

So while I was being ignored by my dad ignored by my brother and abused

Amber DeAnn:

by my mom, emotionally, mentally, and everything, my outlet was going to school.

Amber DeAnn:

So I went to school, I got good grades.

Amber DeAnn:

Things were moving along really well when I was, um, I said to my parents, you're

Amber DeAnn:

going to buy me a piano and they go, what?

Amber DeAnn:

You don't know, nobody playing.

Amber DeAnn:

He plays the piano.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, we don't do, we don't do music.

Amber DeAnn:

I said, you buy me a piano and you're going to do it now.

Amber DeAnn:

So let's get going here.

Amber DeAnn:

So they did.

Amber DeAnn:

And that turned out to be the saving thing that calmed my mother down because when I

Amber DeAnn:

played piano, her nerves calmed down, that would allowed me to get through the next

Amber DeAnn:

18 years without us beating each other up.

Amber DeAnn:

So she was still had an emotional abuse.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, the things I did, she, she didn't like spending money on me.

Amber DeAnn:

She didn't like, um, but anything with me and the cons, she had a

Amber DeAnn:

constant feud with her mother.

Amber DeAnn:

So I was always in the middle of a feud someplace.

Amber DeAnn:

She would either arguing with dad or arguing with her mother and

Amber DeAnn:

I had to go along all the time.

Amber DeAnn:

And then my grandfather died when I was 13 and then things got really bad

Amber DeAnn:

between my mom and my grandmother.

Amber DeAnn:

So there was a lot of stress there.

Amber DeAnn:

So when I turned 18, I said, now you're going to pay for me to go to college.

Amber DeAnn:

And they did, it took some work.

Amber DeAnn:

Mom had to convince the head cause he had the old time philosophy that women

Amber DeAnn:

don't need an education, all that stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

Through high through grade school.

Amber DeAnn:

I felt I fit in because we was all dealing with country kids.

Amber DeAnn:

When I got to high school, when I got to college, I didn't fit in at all

Amber DeAnn:

because I didn't have the social skills.

Amber DeAnn:

I didn't have that bonding.

Amber DeAnn:

I didn't have that attachment.

Amber DeAnn:

I was learning to be self-sufficient, you know, when I was home and I tried

Amber DeAnn:

to be self-sufficient and tried to read a book, I tried to paint something.

Amber DeAnn:

I tried to, um, do something.

Amber DeAnn:

I would mom would always Squatch it.

Amber DeAnn:

Oh, you can't do that.

Amber DeAnn:

We got farm work to do.

Amber DeAnn:

We've got produce to do, we've got, you know, strawberries

Amber DeAnn:

to pick with that data data.

Amber DeAnn:

So there was always something going on, pulling me in all these directions.

Amber DeAnn:

So I never got to figure out who I was, what I liked, where my

Amber DeAnn:

skills were, how I was even going to fit in and relate to the world.

Amber DeAnn:

But I knew that I had to get away from.

Amber DeAnn:

So finally got through.

Amber DeAnn:

So I got through college, I'd got pretty good grades.

Amber DeAnn:

Then I got up from school and I had no skills to function in the real world.

Amber DeAnn:

And I was bouncing from job to job, to job, and it was really disgusting.

Amber DeAnn:

So those first years when I was young, I had to deal.

Amber DeAnn:

I had, I was very shy, so I stuttered and.

Amber DeAnn:

I just couldn't find my way.

Amber DeAnn:

I didn't feel I could make friends, friends were not allowed in the family.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, I couldn't bring people over the overnight.

Amber DeAnn:

I couldn't have friends over, I couldn't go over other people's house.

Amber DeAnn:

So all the social arrangements were.

Amber DeAnn:

Everything I wanted to do that was productive or creative

Amber DeAnn:

or expressive was squelched.

Amber DeAnn:

Everything had to be work on the farm and work, work, work.

Amber DeAnn:

That's all my life was.

Amber DeAnn:

So when I got out, I decided, you know, I still need to separate from my mom.

Amber DeAnn:

So I married a man.

Amber DeAnn:

She didn't like.

Amber DeAnn:

I said, that's going to do it now.

Amber DeAnn:

I can finally cut the cords and I can be away from mom.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, I just get married.

Amber DeAnn:

So I got married.

Amber DeAnn:

He turned out to be an alcoholic that didn't last, but a couple of

Amber DeAnn:

years now I'm back in the world by myself, trying to find my own way,

Amber DeAnn:

bouncing from job to job, to job.

Amber DeAnn:

So I finally ended up in, um, I finally ended up in the 12 step program

Amber DeAnn:

based on advice from my friend who.

Amber DeAnn:

What is conquering her alcohol addiction.

Amber DeAnn:

And that turned out to be my saving grace.

Amber DeAnn:

That was the thing that allowed me really started taking a look

Amber DeAnn:

at myself, you know, pulling back the covers and all those emotions.

Amber DeAnn:

I had squelched, all that anger, all that fear, all that, everything,

Amber DeAnn:

but it was really hard because everything was not accessible.

Amber DeAnn:

My conscious mind, couldn't talk with my subconscious mind.

Amber DeAnn:

So I, I had trouble.

Amber DeAnn:

Like, you know, had trouble making, uh, making friends, expressing

Amber DeAnn:

myself, all that stuff was just huge,

Mike Roesslein:

which is totally understandable.

Mike Roesslein:

Given you had no access to that and no demonstration to that and no attunement

Mike Roesslein:

to that and no modeling of that and no, you know, no way to learn or no.

Amber DeAnn:

Yeah.

Amber DeAnn:

So not only did I not have any feelings, I didn't have any respect for myself.

Amber DeAnn:

Because you have, you need a mother, you need mirroring, you need attachment.

Amber DeAnn:

You need love bonds to do in order to build up those

Amber DeAnn:

self-esteem channels in yourself.

Amber DeAnn:

So I didn't have any of that.

Amber DeAnn:

So after that, my whole life had been a progress journey of, okay,

Amber DeAnn:

how am I going to heal myself?

Amber DeAnn:

How do I put all of my pieces back together again?

Amber DeAnn:

And then the journey has been, it's been difficult.

Amber DeAnn:

Yes.

Amber DeAnn:

And I've had lots of.

Amber DeAnn:

Uh, health problems along the way.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, um, when I, when I was a child, I had, um, a trench mouth.

Amber DeAnn:

And then when I got older, I had mercury poisoning about the time

Amber DeAnn:

my father died and from silver amalgam fillings in my teeth.

Amber DeAnn:

And so that took a whole year to recover from that.

Amber DeAnn:

And I was unemployed a lot.

Amber DeAnn:

So I was living on.

Amber DeAnn:

Welfare and food stamps and home the money from the home and everything.

Amber DeAnn:

And it was just like, oh my goodness, this is very difficult life.

Amber DeAnn:

But once I moved to California and I started to absorb all the good

Amber DeAnn:

things that were in California, and then things started to turn around.

Amber DeAnn:

And one of the first things I did was when I moved here, I moved

Amber DeAnn:

to straightly to Sacramento.

Amber DeAnn:

On a bus from Des Moines, Iowa city, three days to get on a bus.

Amber DeAnn:

I had one suitcase and had a group home that I could stay at

Amber DeAnn:

for a while after I got here.

Amber DeAnn:

So it was a female group home.

Amber DeAnn:

And while I was in there waiting for my job opportunity to come through and all

Amber DeAnn:

that stuff, I got to listen to Bradshaw and Bradshaw had fantastic stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

Rachel was big in the eighties and the night.

Amber DeAnn:

He was really big and I was listening to his stuff and he's

Amber DeAnn:

analyzing the family and the family connections and the dynamics and

Amber DeAnn:

how addictions are born and created.

Amber DeAnn:

And I always go on, oh my God.

Amber DeAnn:

Wow.

Amber DeAnn:

This is cool.

Amber DeAnn:

So I just absorbed everything he was saying.

Amber DeAnn:

And then, and I got later on, I was, I got settled and then I could start

Amber DeAnn:

buying the books and looking at my programming, going to the psychics

Amber DeAnn:

and the healers and everything.

Mike Roesslein:

Were you pretty physically healthy as a, as a

Mike Roesslein:

kid or in high school or college?

Amber DeAnn:

Or did you always have symptoms and issues

Amber DeAnn:

and, and things physically?

Amber DeAnn:

I had, I had colds.

Amber DeAnn:

I would get colds two or three times a year and they

Amber DeAnn:

would last over a month each.

Amber DeAnn:

I was constantly blowing my nose.

Amber DeAnn:

The sinuses are always draining.

Amber DeAnn:

Other than that, I had good health.

Amber DeAnn:

I didn't have any chronic issues.

Amber DeAnn:

I didn't have anything, you know, once in a while I would get the flu.

Amber DeAnn:

I had the measles and chicken pox, all this childhood stuff, but health was

Amber DeAnn:

really good all through grade school, high school, college, everything.

Amber DeAnn:

And it wasn't until, um, like I say, a year after my father died that

Amber DeAnn:

I got the silver amalgam filter.

Amber DeAnn:

And the mercury poisoning.

Amber DeAnn:

How old were you when your father passed away?

Amber DeAnn:

Uh, he passed away in 87.

Amber DeAnn:

I was born in 50, so I was 37.

Amber DeAnn:

And so things kind of slid after that housewife thing slid after that, because

Amber DeAnn:

he was, he was my buffer between me and mom and every time mom got read,

Amber DeAnn:

ready to kill me, you know, dad would kind of step in and buffer that.

Amber DeAnn:

And so when he died, I was like throwing, you know, a kilter.

Amber DeAnn:

I didn't know where I was going, what I was going to do.

Amber DeAnn:

How am I going to deal with mom by myself?

Amber DeAnn:

Mom was a really tough cookie and so it was very difficult

Amber DeAnn:

how it was going to emotionally.

Amber DeAnn:

I felt drained and I knew it was going to have this constant battle with my mother.

Amber DeAnn:

And she was sick too.

Amber DeAnn:

She smoked.

Amber DeAnn:

And so she had coronary problems and all those kinds of things.

Amber DeAnn:

So she was never in a good mood and she never liked me anyway.

Amber DeAnn:

So yeah, that was a road trip.

Amber DeAnn:

But then after that, when I started to get on my journey, that's

Amber DeAnn:

when I started to discover that.

Amber DeAnn:

Uh, all of this is ancestral.

Amber DeAnn:

Ancestral trauma things that she couldn't process from other coding

Amber DeAnn:

process, all that kind of stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

And it was when I started to develop my psychic skills.

Amber DeAnn:

When I started to do readings, when I started to connect with my spirit

Amber DeAnn:

guide and all that, that's when all the information started to come up.

Amber DeAnn:

That's when I could see what was really happening and why all the friction

Amber DeAnn:

between us that I hadn't caused.

Amber DeAnn:

And it was amazing because then I could start talking to my mother's soul.

Amber DeAnn:

This was after she had died, she died in 2004 and she left me some money, which

Amber DeAnn:

I used, to publish and promote my book, buy a house, all that kind of stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

So she was trying to take care of me financially.

Amber DeAnn:

But, but he was, um, in all this trauma because not knowing how to deal with her.

Amber DeAnn:

And then when I could start to connect with her psychically, when

Amber DeAnn:

I started talk with her soul, that's when all kinds of things opened up.

Amber DeAnn:

And that's when I also learned more about the family history.

Amber DeAnn:

And when I did it was like amazing.

Amber DeAnn:

Cause then my heart, my cold heart, but angry at her.

Amber DeAnn:

I hated her for all those years.

Amber DeAnn:

But then my cold heart started to melt and then I could see her as a

Amber DeAnn:

real human being, having all these challenges she couldn't deal with.

Amber DeAnn:

And she didn't have any resources because they weren't available then.

Amber DeAnn:

And then it was like, oh, okay.

Amber DeAnn:

And that opened up a whole new sense of.

Mike Roesslein:

And so a lot of the ways that you share the, the

Mike Roesslein:

story about, you know, they were forced to leave their social life

Mike Roesslein:

and they're forced to leave this.

Mike Roesslein:

And then they had to go live on a farm with her mom who she

Mike Roesslein:

didn't get along with, which was really stressful and difficult.

Mike Roesslein:

Those are all perspectives that you have gathered as an adult

Mike Roesslein:

and not necessarily cause that's very empathetic or compassionate

Mike Roesslein:

to like, look at it, like, yeah, Objectively terrible to me as a child.

Mike Roesslein:

And she was dealing with this and this and this and this and

Mike Roesslein:

this intergenerational thing.

Mike Roesslein:

And then stuff put on by her mom and the stressful thing and having to

Mike Roesslein:

leave a career and having to leave the social life and all of that.

Amber DeAnn:

And that really, um, shifts something in us when we

Amber DeAnn:

can understand and empathize with.

Amber DeAnn:

And, um, it doesn't make it right.

Amber DeAnn:

Like I.

Amber DeAnn:

Just put that out there.

Amber DeAnn:

It doesn't make it right.

Amber DeAnn:

That you, as a child were treated in the way that you were and it doesn't

Amber DeAnn:

make it fair and it doesn't make it.

Amber DeAnn:

Okay.

Amber DeAnn:

And it doesn't change the damage that was done, but it allows the person.

Amber DeAnn:

If there's somebody listening here to shift their current experience of

Amber DeAnn:

that person, like, and retroactively, it shifts something as well.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, I've found to be, cause there's people that were in

Amber DeAnn:

my life when I was a kid that.

Amber DeAnn:

I didn't have that for, for a long time.

Amber DeAnn:

And I carried a lot of animosity and like bitterness and anger and, um, rage.

Mike Roesslein:

And then now I see things much differently and it's because.

Mike Roesslein:

Did the work to understand the dynamic and their experience and in

Mike Roesslein:

their life, we, we create stories.

Mike Roesslein:

This person did this because of this or this person said this because of this.

Mike Roesslein:

And we don't consider any other possibility.

Mike Roesslein:

And it's the story we run with.

Mike Roesslein:

And as a kid, you know, the story that a child might create, and that

Mike Roesslein:

situation is, you know, you mentioned your self esteem issues and your

Mike Roesslein:

lack of ability to socialize and addiction and, and these things is.

Mike Roesslein:

I ruined my mom's life.

Mike Roesslein:

Like I caused her to be like, this it's my fault.

Mike Roesslein:

I'm the problem.

Mike Roesslein:

I'm the thing that shouldn't exist.

Mike Roesslein:

I'm XYZ thing because children don't have the capacity to see the bigger picture,

Mike Roesslein:

to understand the dynamics in play.

Mike Roesslein:

They just know that the person who's supposed to be taking care of me is scary

Mike Roesslein:

and unsafe and does not take care of me.

Mike Roesslein:

And then there's this.

Mike Roesslein:

Like isolation, I'm guessing you didn't really have anybody to communicate

Mike Roesslein:

any of that to, or with, as a kid, I didn't have anybody to talk to at all

Mike Roesslein:

because you're very isolated on the farm and especially where we were, and

Mike Roesslein:

it was the fifties and then moved into the sixties and that wasn't available.

Amber DeAnn:

Nobody was thinking about it in generational trauma.

Amber DeAnn:

Nobody was thinking about.

Amber DeAnn:

Problems with child abuse with the family then of that existed

Amber DeAnn:

until many years later on.

Amber DeAnn:

But what you said was totally right.

Amber DeAnn:

I had developed a I'm not good enough.

Amber DeAnn:

I don't belong here kind of mentality.

Amber DeAnn:

And I think that affected my, um, the whisperer department fora.

Amber DeAnn:

It affected my interactions with people.

Amber DeAnn:

It affected my ability to get certain jobs.

Amber DeAnn:

It affected everything became.

Amber DeAnn:

But my physical body.

Amber DeAnn:

Yes.

Amber DeAnn:

And, and what ha what happened was for one, I was bopping around trying

Amber DeAnn:

to find jobs after I graduated from college, I remember there were at least

Amber DeAnn:

10 years where I had to fight suicide thoughts and, and it was only one

Amber DeAnn:

kind of suicide I was thinking about.

Amber DeAnn:

And this was something that happened in my family.

Amber DeAnn:

So it was like, I was going to repeat a suicide thing

Amber DeAnn:

was an accident car accident.

Amber DeAnn:

And from my family and I was going to terminate myself because it didn't seem

Amber DeAnn:

like anything was going to work in my life and they didn't seem like anybody cared.

Amber DeAnn:

And there was nobody there for me, but I was able to restrain myself.

Amber DeAnn:

So I wouldn't drive my car underneath the truck and kill myself.

Amber DeAnn:

I was able to restrain myself or my spirit did for some reason.

Amber DeAnn:

And that's the only reason I'm here now, because that went on for many,

Amber DeAnn:

many years, but that all has to be.

Amber DeAnn:

But something that comes up as a result of your subconscious saying,

Amber DeAnn:

you know, okay, it's the story.

Amber DeAnn:

I picked up all these messages from my mom.

Amber DeAnn:

You're not good enough.

Amber DeAnn:

You don't belong here.

Amber DeAnn:

Why do I have to deal with you?

Amber DeAnn:

Yeah, it's sort of a function in this world or never be anything,

Amber DeAnn:

you know, any, a couple of that with the stress, the utero stress,

Amber DeAnn:

the in early childhood stress.

Amber DeAnn:

And like, I've done a lot of study the last few years on, on like

Amber DeAnn:

child development and neurobiology.

Amber DeAnn:

And for anybody listening, who's interested in that check out Dr.

Amber DeAnn:

Dan Siegel's work.

Amber DeAnn:

Uh, the neurobiology of we is a great book.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, he's at UCLA, I think, or UCS or one of those, but, um, Neurobiology of, we

Amber DeAnn:

explains a lot of how that happens and the, the neuropathways that are affected

Amber DeAnn:

as children when attunement is not present like regulated nervous system.

Amber DeAnn:

Like we learn how to regulate our nervous system by attuning

Amber DeAnn:

to a regulated, nervous system.

Amber DeAnn:

Like our nervous system is as much internal as it is like an antenna.

Amber DeAnn:

And so we regulate to the nervous system then.

Amber DeAnn:

Infants newborns, um, and fetus, infant, newborn, like that level of.

Amber DeAnn:

Child does not have the capability to self-regulate a nervous system.

Amber DeAnn:

It doesn't have it.

Amber DeAnn:

It has to learn.

Amber DeAnn:

It has to attune to.

Amber DeAnn:

And so when you're a tiny and you freak out and everything's going

Amber DeAnn:

crazy, like every panic for a baby is like an existential crisis.

Amber DeAnn:

Like they're hungry, I'm going to die.

Amber DeAnn:

They're cold.

Amber DeAnn:

I'm going to die.

Amber DeAnn:

Like everything is I'm going to die.

Amber DeAnn:

Like they don't even have.

Amber DeAnn:

Ability to think I'm going to die, but like the level of fear

Amber DeAnn:

instilled in a newborn or an infant when they're cold or they're hungry

Amber DeAnn:

or they're confused or they're, whatever, all of it is about survival.

Amber DeAnn:

It's, I'm going to die because we're actually like the, I dunno

Amber DeAnn:

if this is true, but we're one of the most helpless creatures born.

Amber DeAnn:

Like you look at like a, a horse is born two hours later.

Amber DeAnn:

It's like trotting around running, like eating for mom or grass or whatever.

Amber DeAnn:

So animals like eat right away.

Amber DeAnn:

Other ones feed right away, but they, they can walk, they can move,

Amber DeAnn:

they can run away from things.

Amber DeAnn:

They can do stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, human children are helpless, like completely helpless

Amber DeAnn:

and completely dependent on.

Amber DeAnn:

The caretakers and that, that nervous system attunement.

Amber DeAnn:

If, if, when we freak out, we don't receive an attunement to a nervous

Amber DeAnn:

system that tells us, oh, this is okay.

Amber DeAnn:

You're going to be okay.

Amber DeAnn:

I'm okay.

Amber DeAnn:

Look at me, be okay.

Amber DeAnn:

This is okay.

Amber DeAnn:

You're going to be okay.

Amber DeAnn:

Let's, let's calm.

Amber DeAnn:

This let's solve this problem.

Amber DeAnn:

And then your nervous system realizes like, okay, this

Amber DeAnn:

isn't the end of the world.

Amber DeAnn:

This can calm down.

Amber DeAnn:

And then you feel like.

Amber DeAnn:

Heightened thing drop, uh, you eventually learned the ability to self-soothe

Amber DeAnn:

and self-regulate and whatever.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, those of us who didn't have that, um, for one reason or another.

Amber DeAnn:

So, like not only did you have these stories ingrained in

Amber DeAnn:

your head that I'm no good.

Amber DeAnn:

I ruined this.

Amber DeAnn:

I don't belong, et cetera, et cetera.

Amber DeAnn:

You also had a nervous system where every little thing that

Amber DeAnn:

happened is a crisis for you.

Amber DeAnn:

Like isn't alert is an alarm is unsafe, is whatever.

Amber DeAnn:

And because it frankly was like, things were dangerous.

Amber DeAnn:

Things were, you know, and then you, you don't have the.

Amber DeAnn:

It's like a, it's like you hide yourself in like a double whammy,

Amber DeAnn:

like the self-loathing type of story mixed with everything is

Amber DeAnn:

a catastrophe on your system.

Amber DeAnn:

So for people that don't understand this, it's like, if you miss a red light or

Amber DeAnn:

something, like it's everything, when your nervous system is like that, every

Amber DeAnn:

little thing that happens, you know, like something falls on the floor or,

Amber DeAnn:

um, a phone call doesn't go, right.

Amber DeAnn:

Or like, uh, whatever the thing is, it, it.

Amber DeAnn:

Charge, because when you're small, you don't have a way

Amber DeAnn:

to regulate your emotions.

Amber DeAnn:

You don't have a way to deal with the trauma.

Amber DeAnn:

You can't move out of the fight or flights is by yourself.

Amber DeAnn:

You have to get that from your.

Amber DeAnn:

My, my mother was always in a fight or flight kind of a thing.

Amber DeAnn:

And my dad was a workaholic.

Amber DeAnn:

So he was always pushing on me and my brother said, oh, you're crazy.

Amber DeAnn:

I don't want him to do with you.

Amber DeAnn:

So there was no way for me to learn that.

Amber DeAnn:

And that was part of my journey to learn how to do this.

Amber DeAnn:

And I was really proud of myself because I would go to talk therapists, you know,

Amber DeAnn:

and after I got to be an adult and.

Amber DeAnn:

They would sit and say, okay, now tell me your story and what happened.

Amber DeAnn:

And then what happened?

Amber DeAnn:

And I said after five minutes, I'm not going to sit here and tell you my story.

Amber DeAnn:

You're going to have a, you have either have a solution for me or I'm walking out

Amber DeAnn:

of here because I know what my story is.

Amber DeAnn:

And I'm not just sitting here paying you a whole bunch of money.

Amber DeAnn:

That's it.

Amber DeAnn:

And ask me those questions.

Amber DeAnn:

If you don't have any kind of a remedy, when you have any kind

Amber DeAnn:

of a solution, this is crazy.

Amber DeAnn:

So he would put me on an EMDR.

Amber DeAnn:

And I would do the, what what's this with the eyes and I'd be holding

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onto some electro chair, a electoral energy, current going through my body.

Amber DeAnn:

And I would hear beep beep, beep and years, you know, that

Amber DeAnn:

would help for about a day.

Amber DeAnn:

And then that all blew up.

Amber DeAnn:

So I said, okay, from the work I was reading from Bradshaw, I

Amber DeAnn:

said, okay, I'm going to have to go back to my early childhood.

Amber DeAnn:

I'm going to have to relive it the best I could as normal as I could.

Amber DeAnn:

So I pretended I was going to be a child.

Amber DeAnn:

Again, I watch cartoons.

Amber DeAnn:

I watched child movies.

Amber DeAnn:

I read child books.

Amber DeAnn:

I went to the playground and watch children play on her.

Amber DeAnn:

I took courses in community college for child developers.

Amber DeAnn:

And then I worked for child development agencies for awhile.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, like, you know, uh, BayCare stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

And there's a part of you that really appreciated that.

Amber DeAnn:

Yes.

Amber DeAnn:

And there was a part of me and then all the pieces started to fit in.

Amber DeAnn:

Then I started to see what I had missed or what, I couldn't remember what I

Amber DeAnn:

had squelched because I had to survive.

Amber DeAnn:

And that's when all these other things started to come in.

Amber DeAnn:

And that was really the.

Amber DeAnn:

Therapy that I ever imagined because that activated the inner child.

Amber DeAnn:

Part of me that I thought was dead.

Amber DeAnn:

And now you never got to be a child.

Amber DeAnn:

I never got to be a child.

Amber DeAnn:

You were parenting your mother, like probably became really hypervigilant.

Amber DeAnn:

What set her off or what, you know, cause I can relate to that.

Amber DeAnn:

Like what, what would set her off and what would cause that to happen

Amber DeAnn:

and then it's your responsibility to make none of that happen?

Amber DeAnn:

Yeah.

Amber DeAnn:

Well it wasn't that I couldn't make it happen cause I knew

Amber DeAnn:

it was going to happen.

Amber DeAnn:

But the thing of it was I wasn't going to let her crush me and I

Amber DeAnn:

had this really strong desire.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, if we have to fight it out to the end, I'm going to fight it

Amber DeAnn:

out, but she's not going to crush me.

Amber DeAnn:

He like.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, so I would stand up for my rights and then

Amber DeAnn:

she would stand up for hers.

Amber DeAnn:

And we were working in the kitchen and I would turn on the rock music and she would

Amber DeAnn:

turn it off and I would turn it on and she would just start getting to be a child.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, we had all of this going on.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, there was no time to read books, no time to listen to

Amber DeAnn:

music, no time to do anything.

Amber DeAnn:

Play, explore.

Amber DeAnn:

No, no time to play, explore.

Amber DeAnn:

It was all had to be directed to the farm.

Amber DeAnn:

And what made the farm.

Amber DeAnn:

So it was when I went to took the classes, tried to do read, develop

Amber DeAnn:

my child development issues.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, that's when things started to perk up, then I could

Amber DeAnn:

move into the 12 step program, which is, you know, for people from

Amber DeAnn:

dysfunctional addiction families.

Amber DeAnn:

That's when I learned to write, when I learned the field, when I enjoyed

Amber DeAnn:

poetry, when I enjoyed music, when I enjoyed ballads, when I enjoyed all kinds

Amber DeAnn:

of things and all that stuff started to perk up and it was like, oh man,

Amber DeAnn:

there's a whole new world out there.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, there's music and there's art and there's this and there's that.

Amber DeAnn:

And, and it was like, okay, Be part of it now, and I could embrace it and I

Amber DeAnn:

could use it and I could deal with it.

Amber DeAnn:

And I did and have moved forward.

Amber DeAnn:

That's where I developed my creative writing.

Amber DeAnn:

So I've written two books since then.

Amber DeAnn:

I've written poetry.

Amber DeAnn:

I've taught workshops for women who also feel stuck and have had family issues

Mike Roesslein:

and curious how your physical body responded

Mike Roesslein:

when you started doing that.

Mike Roesslein:

Um, the child work and the explorations in the art and

Mike Roesslein:

the music and things like that.

Mike Roesslein:

Like what

Amber DeAnn:

my soul woke, then I finally could wake up my soul.

Amber DeAnn:

It was like, okay, I'm not just this body that I detest.

Amber DeAnn:

I'm not just this energy spirit in this body, which doesn't even fit my energy.

Amber DeAnn:

Wasn't even flowing all the way through my body.

Amber DeAnn:

My psychics psychics would look at me and they'd say, why is your

Amber DeAnn:

energy feel the indeterminate.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, and I would go, I don't know what you're talking about.

Amber DeAnn:

So then, because I didn't know what I was talking about.

Amber DeAnn:

Then I got to explore energy and energy healing and spirituality and,

Amber DeAnn:

and the flow of energy and working with energy and that whole dynamic.

Amber DeAnn:

And it was so cool.

Amber DeAnn:

It was hard.

Amber DeAnn:

I mean, it was the hardest thing.

Amber DeAnn:

Cause I had to pull physically, mentally poor and with imagination my energy

Amber DeAnn:

field back into my body because this a.

Amber DeAnn:

The body code lady said, well, surely after you were born, your spirit left

Amber DeAnn:

your body because it couldn't cope with what you having to deal with at home.

Amber DeAnn:

And you didn't didn't come back in until you were almost eight years.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, and so the spirit and the body never really connected in a way

Amber DeAnn:

that made you a functional whole person.

Amber DeAnn:

So I had to mentally, mentally and imagination poor by it took a long time.

Amber DeAnn:

Then I had to feel my body and get acquainted with it.

Amber DeAnn:

Like it was a stranger because I didn't, you know,

Mike Roesslein:

There's actually a here, actually.

Mike Roesslein:

I think I'm using it as a stand for my microphone.

Mike Roesslein:

Yeah.

Mike Roesslein:

This is a book called the five personality patterns.

Mike Roesslein:

Um, it's by Stephen Kessler, it's based off the work of Reich, which was the first

Mike Roesslein:

character styles look, and that is called the leaving pattern or a scaphoid pattern,

Mike Roesslein:

but it's, uh, early childhood wound leaves the body as a defense mechanism.

Mike Roesslein:

And, um, it's very common actually for kids with various forms of trauma

Mike Roesslein:

in childhood to not remember any.

Mike Roesslein:

It's actually like a key, a clue when like, in both of the trainings that I'm

Mike Roesslein:

currently in, especially the one with GABA or latte, um, when his work, if

Mike Roesslein:

someone says they don't remember their childhood, but there was totally normal.

Mike Roesslein:

Uh, that's like his first clue that there's a lot there to explore because.

Mike Roesslein:

Not only from a spiritual standpoint and energetic, like you're talking about like

Mike Roesslein:

leaving and physically not being present in these two things being separate.

Mike Roesslein:

There's also, like you mentioned that, you know, your mother was extremely

Mike Roesslein:

stressed when she was pregnant and was extremely stressed when you were

Mike Roesslein:

young and that the stress hormones go in the child and the stress hormones

Mike Roesslein:

actually inhibit the part of the brain.

Mike Roesslein:

That's essential for recall now.

Mike Roesslein:

So if a young child is very stressed, the part of their brain that is

Mike Roesslein:

responsible for them by recall memory.

Mike Roesslein:

I mean like, cause the subconscious remembers everything, but by recall

Mike Roesslein:

memory, I mean like conscious memory, like I can't remember this thing or I can't

Mike Roesslein:

see this thing or like what we usually refer to as memory is actually recall the

Mike Roesslein:

subconscious mind remembers everything that's stored in the body it's stored

Mike Roesslein:

in the mind, but like, The cortisol and the other stress hormones actually shut

Mike Roesslein:

down the function of, and development of the part of the brain that is essential

Mike Roesslein:

for having those recall memories.

Mike Roesslein:

So like my wife, she remembers stuff from when she was like two years old.

Mike Roesslein:

She'll remember like a party she was at and what somebody was wearing.

Mike Roesslein:

I don't remember.

Mike Roesslein:

Uh, thing until I was probably about five or six, and even

Mike Roesslein:

then it's sketchy until later.

Mike Roesslein:

And so, um, but that pattern, if somebody is interested in learning

Mike Roesslein:

about that this book, the five personality patterns is, uh, excellent.

Mike Roesslein:

And it explains like how the origin of those, those patterns

Mike Roesslein:

and leaving is just one of them.

Mike Roesslein:

This gives away the not being present is just one of them.

Mike Roesslein:

And it's usually related to pre-birth or birth trauma, or really.

Mike Roesslein:

Trauma, because you're like you said it, in your words, like the

Mike Roesslein:

spirit of the energy, like it's unsafe, so checks out and it's you

Mike Roesslein:

said your return as you explained it was when your brother was born.

Mike Roesslein:

Right.

Mike Roesslein:

And so there was probably a deflection of some of the energy that you

Mike Roesslein:

had been the primary recipient of.

Mike Roesslein:

Uh, you know, gave a little space would be my unsolicited opinion on

Mike Roesslein:

how that, that might've happened.

Mike Roesslein:

But it was like,

Amber DeAnn:

I think that happened too, because now mom and dad

Amber DeAnn:

had had other things to do.

Amber DeAnn:

They had another child, their focus of their, yes, they had a

Amber DeAnn:

child to raise and they had to groom him to take over the farm.

Amber DeAnn:

And they had, they had a lot of work to teach him how to do everything

Amber DeAnn:

and they didn't have all the time to go to be as me all the time.

Amber DeAnn:

And respite.

Amber DeAnn:

So it was like, okay.

Amber DeAnn:

Of, there was some breathing room here, parents still didn't like

Amber DeAnn:

me, dad still didn't talk to me.

Amber DeAnn:

Mom still emotionally ranted on me all the time.

Amber DeAnn:

But now her focus on the beat.

Amber DeAnn:

I have to keep my son alive.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, he's gotten allergies, he's got Bronco conditions.

Amber DeAnn:

He's got, doesn't matter.

Amber DeAnn:

We got to keep him alive because he's carrying on the farm.

Amber DeAnn:

Right.

Amber DeAnn:

He's wise and he understands money and he can help us, you grow

Amber DeAnn:

and prosper and all that stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

And I was just, you know, another mouth to feed.

Amber DeAnn:

I would just, uh, just the thing that they had to deal with.

Amber DeAnn:

So when, when you asked a while ago, how this affected my body,

Amber DeAnn:

when I was learning how to.

Amber DeAnn:

And reconnect with my soul, feel my emotions express myself.

Amber DeAnn:

Then it was like a brand new world and my body was excited.

Amber DeAnn:

It was like, wow, there is something to live for.

Amber DeAnn:

There is some adventure in life.

Amber DeAnn:

There are some good things in life.

Amber DeAnn:

There is some positive things to make me feel good.

Amber DeAnn:

But then, um, as the years developed, you know, I still don't.

Amber DeAnn:

Challenges.

Amber DeAnn:

I couldn't deal.

Amber DeAnn:

I couldn't feel comfortable where I was living.

Amber DeAnn:

I couldn't feel comfortable with my job.

Amber DeAnn:

So I moved a lot.

Amber DeAnn:

I changed jobs a lot until I got into hypnotherapy.

Amber DeAnn:

And then I figured that, oh, this is my world, you know, but, through

Amber DeAnn:

COVID was another layer of stress.

Amber DeAnn:

And then I left where I was living because I didn't like it.

Amber DeAnn:

It was an old people's home, a senior citizen place, and they were paying.

Amber DeAnn:

Uh, controlling on us, on all of us.

Amber DeAnn:

And that triggered me all the control from my parents.

Amber DeAnn:

And I said, okay, I got to bust outta here.

Amber DeAnn:

So I stayed with a friend for a couple of months in Sacramento.

Amber DeAnn:

She didn't want me either.

Amber DeAnn:

So she was emotionally abusive.

Amber DeAnn:

So there's a whole nother layer of stress.

Amber DeAnn:

So then I finally found this place in Reno and I'm moving in and then.

Amber DeAnn:

I have my moving in.

Amber DeAnn:

I'm very tired.

Amber DeAnn:

It's late at night.

Amber DeAnn:

I slipped into the bathtub and fibromyalgia kicks in all over my

Amber DeAnn:

body is in pain, burning itching, pain from your deep from inside,

Amber DeAnn:

man, I'm going, oh my God, what is all of this I have to deal with?

Amber DeAnn:

So it took months and months of to deal with that.

Amber DeAnn:

So while I.

Amber DeAnn:

Cleared off some layers of stress, mentally and vibrationally.

Amber DeAnn:

I hadn't dealt with the nervous system.

Amber DeAnn:

And so now my whole focus, these last couple of months has been

Amber DeAnn:

resetting the nervous system.

Amber DeAnn:

So then I can't function without.

Amber DeAnn:

Without all of this stress and anxiety.

Amber DeAnn:

So I get rid of the brain fog that get rid of the pain.

Amber DeAnn:

I get rid of the reactions.

Amber DeAnn:

And while it's been difficult, getting through all of that physical pain,

Amber DeAnn:

it's been a real eye-opener as to how to deal with the nervous system and

Amber DeAnn:

how to learn to calm down and how to learn to breathe and how to learn,

Amber DeAnn:

to focus and enjoy nature and, and just expand that other aspect of.

Amber DeAnn:

That is my inner child looking for comfort and peace.

Amber DeAnn:

And you, and you did do functional medicine work as well.

Amber DeAnn:

In addition to that, right?

Amber DeAnn:

Because we, before we went on, you shared with me, your

Amber DeAnn:

practitioner that is in, is in Reno.

Amber DeAnn:

So you are combining kind of that approach.

Amber DeAnn:

Doing the work on your nervous system and the inner child and the social exploration

Amber DeAnn:

and the energetics and things like that.

Amber DeAnn:

And, and how has the progress with the fibromyalgia?

Amber DeAnn:

Like how are you now and how long was that tremendous?

Amber DeAnn:

After just a couple of weeks of working his program, changing my

Amber DeAnn:

diet, being on the supplements, dealing with more emotional stuff

Amber DeAnn:

that was coming up, allowing myself to self-express with painting.

Amber DeAnn:

Riding with poetry, all that stuff, reading more, accepting more, and then

Amber DeAnn:

starting with the, uh, dealing with the scoliosis because that locks up certain

Amber DeAnn:

muscles and nerves, and then you've got tightness and then the body doesn't work.

Amber DeAnn:

Once I learned that I was going to have to approach this, all

Amber DeAnn:

of these areas at the same time.

Amber DeAnn:

Then the fibromyalgia is gone.

Amber DeAnn:

And now I have maybe, um, maybe 2% of the pain that I used to have, and it

Amber DeAnn:

only comes and goes once in a while.

Amber DeAnn:

And the brain fog is lifting and it's like, oh, wow.

Amber DeAnn:

Finally, I'm like free.

Amber DeAnn:

And it's free, not just from the pain, but it's free from the past.

Amber DeAnn:

It's free from all of those buried emotions, all of that

Amber DeAnn:

buried self hate of that.

Amber DeAnn:

You know, conflict with the mom and the parents and the ancestral woundedness,

Amber DeAnn:

and, and I'm clearing out the ancestral trauma too, while I'm doing all of this.

Amber DeAnn:

So I'm pretty busy, but it's really coming together in a beautiful way.

Amber DeAnn:

Yes, totally.

Amber DeAnn:

It breaks the cycle.

Amber DeAnn:

And that was the one thing that I think my spirit knew I needed to do.

Amber DeAnn:

It was not just the fact that I had bad karma from past lives with all of these

Amber DeAnn:

members of my family, but it's also the fact that I had to deal with their

Amber DeAnn:

generational trauma, all of that for them, for my peace of mind, for energy flow.

Amber DeAnn:

And I could learn how to live by.

Amber DeAnn:

By integrating all of my parts.

Amber DeAnn:

Now, my intuitions alive and my creativity and, and myself love and respect.

Amber DeAnn:

They, I had to take, then I recently just finished a class on self-love

Amber DeAnn:

with teal Swan, and that was amazing.

Amber DeAnn:

I totally loved that.

Amber DeAnn:

And then I decided I should teach an anxiety class because I can touch some of

Amber DeAnn:

these points that other people are having.

Amber DeAnn:

And I can help them start to see the bigger, broader picture.

Amber DeAnn:

So I wrote it out, but I haven't promoted it yet.

Amber DeAnn:

And it's one of the things I need to, I need to get a team and a whole

Amber DeAnn:

bunch of stuff, you know, to, to move your, your wounding and your pain

Amber DeAnn:

and your struggles into medicine.

Amber DeAnn:

And, um, I can definitely go for other people.

Amber DeAnn:

I can definitely relate to that.

Amber DeAnn:

It seems like it's the only thing to do.

Amber DeAnn:

It's once I figured it out, a lot of this stuff for myself, I was like, well, this

Amber DeAnn:

is stuff that everybody needs to know.

Amber DeAnn:

Like, this is, this should be part of the human experience.

Amber DeAnn:

Like everyone needs to know this.

Amber DeAnn:

We, we, we operate in this society, in this culture in such like a closed

Amber DeAnn:

miniature minuscule kind of way.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, Due to, I mean, you touch on so many different disciplines and lineage of

Amber DeAnn:

healing and different types of things.

Amber DeAnn:

Even intergenerational trauma.

Amber DeAnn:

Like some people may hear that in our audience and like roll their eyes

Amber DeAnn:

or think like that's not a thing.

Amber DeAnn:

Well, there's, there's multiple levels on which that exists and

Amber DeAnn:

shows up like one they've shown.

Amber DeAnn:

And I believe it's my Surratt's or something 12 or 13

Amber DeAnn:

generations, if a rat or mouse.

Amber DeAnn:

I don't remember, I wrote it is traumatized in some way by a

Amber DeAnn:

sound or by a thing or whatever.

Amber DeAnn:

It's 12 or 13 generations later that they're offspring still

Amber DeAnn:

have a fear of that thing.

Amber DeAnn:

And so it changes the genetics for at least 12 or 13

Amber DeAnn:

generations that we're aware of.

Amber DeAnn:

And then also it's passed down in the behaviors themselves.

Amber DeAnn:

So that's the more like obvious programming of this person

Amber DeAnn:

abused or this person who abused this person who abused this.

Amber DeAnn:

Like, if you, if you do any backstory on like serial killers or like

Amber DeAnn:

abusers and rapists, and these types of people, almost a hundred percent

Amber DeAnn:

of them were abused as a child, like literally almost a hundred percent.

Amber DeAnn:

And.

Amber DeAnn:

This past down behavior, in addition to the genetic switching.

Amber DeAnn:

And so there's this, like people roll their eyes at that.

Amber DeAnn:

And I used to be one of them and there's, it's not only true.

Amber DeAnn:

There's multiple levels on which it's true.

Amber DeAnn:

Like there's different ways to look at it for the scientific mind, go

Amber DeAnn:

look at the epigenetics research for the last scientific mind.

Amber DeAnn:

Just look at the way that it shows up.

Amber DeAnn:

And, you know, uh, you mentioned that your mother was combative

Amber DeAnn:

with her mother all the time.

Amber DeAnn:

So of course there's going to be a continuation of.

Amber DeAnn:

You know that, and you are combative with her and it was, you know, the

Amber DeAnn:

reasons you were combative with her were probably the same reasons.

Amber DeAnn:

She was combative with her mother who is likely combative with her mother.

Amber DeAnn:

And these are things that are very, very real and that the child doesn't

Amber DeAnn:

sign up for, like, this is something you walk into and you're defensive.

Amber DeAnn:

And then that shapes your, you know, that shaped the people say, oh,

Amber DeAnn:

your, your mind shapes the world that you see, and that's true.

Amber DeAnn:

But what they often leave out is that before that happens,

Amber DeAnn:

the world shapes your mind.

Amber DeAnn:

Like it puts the lenses through which you see things and experience things there.

Amber DeAnn:

And then we operate.

Amber DeAnn:

From that from the abused child, from the terrified brain, from the nervous

Amber DeAnn:

system, that's heightened from the people are dangerous from the, I

Amber DeAnn:

can't have friends from the whatever, and we don't realize that those are.

Amber DeAnn:

Or multiple layers of masks on that be removed.

Amber DeAnn:

And the thing that, the thing that I want your listeners to understand

Amber DeAnn:

is that you need a source of energy.

Amber DeAnn:

When you're doing all of this, you need a really strong belief system

Amber DeAnn:

and the power and the guidance and the wisdom of your higher.

Amber DeAnn:

And until you get that, I don't, I think it's going to be very difficult

Amber DeAnn:

to do this kind of a program.

Amber DeAnn:

And so, as I was learning spirituality years ago, I was learning that,

Amber DeAnn:

what, what is the benefit?

Amber DeAnn:

What's the purpose of us even being here.

Amber DeAnn:

I had to go back very fundamental to that question and what I was coming

Amber DeAnn:

up with and what made the most sense.

Amber DeAnn:

And what everybody was saying is we're here to have experienced.

Amber DeAnn:

As a SOA antibody conquering all of these challenges to create collective energy,

Amber DeAnn:

collective consciousness for everybody.

Amber DeAnn:

And if we decide we don't like something, we just change our thoughts about it.

Amber DeAnn:

And we move in a different direction.

Amber DeAnn:

We don't have to be stuck.

Amber DeAnn:

We don't have to perpetrate all those old family belief systems,

Amber DeAnn:

the family woundedness, the hormonal changes, the ancestral panic trauma.

Amber DeAnn:

We don't have to do any of that.

Amber DeAnn:

We can say I'm done and I'm moving on.

Amber DeAnn:

And, and I've done that several times and that's what gets me through.

Amber DeAnn:

You have to have that really strong connection with your

Amber DeAnn:

higher self, and then you have to understand you have a purpose here.

Amber DeAnn:

And that purpose is to help elevate collective consciousness toward

Amber DeAnn:

the good, I couldn't agree more.

Amber DeAnn:

I have come to similar conclusions in my own journey.

Amber DeAnn:

And with those that I've had the pleasure of walking with and

Amber DeAnn:

learning from and learning with.

Amber DeAnn:

And, um, it's it, it really is so.

Amber DeAnn:

Mist and our culture, all of these things, and not only missed, like it's

Amber DeAnn:

an accident, but intentionally suppressed and intentionally driven out because it's

Amber DeAnn:

not the narrative, it's not the system.

Amber DeAnn:

This is a very like structured.

Amber DeAnn:

Patriarchal masculine type of system that doesn't involve things like energy

Amber DeAnn:

and soul and spirit and purpose and connection and divine and higher self.

Amber DeAnn:

And all of that.

Amber DeAnn:

Like you go to other cultures in the world share these things are commonly

Amber DeAnn:

understood, especially like indigenous cultures and indigenous healing.

Amber DeAnn:

Like.

Amber DeAnn:

This is all common sense to them.

Amber DeAnn:

They hear somebody talk about this stuff and they're like, of

Amber DeAnn:

course, this is how you do it.

Amber DeAnn:

And then they would look at our medical model and be

Amber DeAnn:

like, this is, this is insane.

Amber DeAnn:

And so like, of course, everybody's sick.

Amber DeAnn:

Look at this, look at how you live.

Amber DeAnn:

Like it's, uh, I've had the pleasure of honor of learning from several.

Amber DeAnn:

Wisdom keepers from indigenous traditions.

Amber DeAnn:

And it's like, it's almost, they find it almost comical

Amber DeAnn:

that it's like a mystery to us.

Amber DeAnn:

Why everybody is sick and unhealthy and unhappy and disease.

Amber DeAnn:

They're just like, look at what you do.

Amber DeAnn:

Like look at how you live.

Amber DeAnn:

Like I've gotten to learn from.

Amber DeAnn:

Some students direct students of the Dalai Lama when it comes to Tibet and Buddhism.

Amber DeAnn:

And they said when he first came to the United States for the first time and

Amber DeAnn:

he met a bunch of Americans, he said, I don't, I can't teach these people because

Amber DeAnn:

like, w we're so pulled away from what we really are by the time we're adults.

Amber DeAnn:

That like, he didn't even know how to reach them.

Amber DeAnn:

Like he couldn't even cause there's so many of these layers of trauma story and

Amber DeAnn:

misconceptions and walls and diversion, like, and we're in his culture, like in

Amber DeAnn:

Tibet and in the east, like there, they don't, they start teaching it as a child.

Amber DeAnn:

Like they start teaching these practices as a child.

Amber DeAnn:

And so that doesn't exist.

Amber DeAnn:

And he was like, I don't even know how to reach these people.

Amber DeAnn:

Now.

Amber DeAnn:

Obviously, if anybody out there has read his books now or watch his

Amber DeAnn:

videos or listen to the Dalai Lama talk, he's obviously figured out.

Amber DeAnn:

Yeah, a great deal of how to reach the Western thinker or mind, cause he's really

Amber DeAnn:

kind of fun and brilliant to listen to.

Amber DeAnn:

But at first he said, I don't know how to teach these people because we're

Amber DeAnn:

so far removed and in the functional medicine world, like the people who

Amber DeAnn:

are part of our community and audience, they understand that and know that.

Amber DeAnn:

And it's common sense from the aspect of like nutrition and.

Amber DeAnn:

Lifestyle and like ways of living and movement and things like that.

Amber DeAnn:

Like the paleo movement really brought that forward that were like way out

Amber DeAnn:

of touch with our natural way of being when it comes to what we eat and how

Amber DeAnn:

we move and how we live our lives.

Amber DeAnn:

But this other side of things.

Amber DeAnn:

With spirituality and emotions and, and, and the mental aspects and

Amber DeAnn:

the stories and like the attunement and the child that bringing in the

Amber DeAnn:

connection and the nervous system stuff.

Amber DeAnn:

We are just as, as a society, just as like out of alignment with.

Amber DeAnn:

What produces health there.

Amber DeAnn:

but that gets swept under the rug.

Amber DeAnn:

Like there's there's pills for that.

Amber DeAnn:

Just give them the antidepressants or give them the, I saw an article yesterday.

Amber DeAnn:

The headline was more Americans than ever are depressed.

Amber DeAnn:

We need new antidepressant drugs was the headline.

Amber DeAnn:

And it's like, no, that's.

Amber DeAnn:

But you just deducted from that is not the, that's not the story.

Amber DeAnn:

Like that's not, that's insane.

Amber DeAnn:

Like someone who understands these things could look at that and be like, this

Amber DeAnn:

is completely insane to think like, you know, no pill was going to help you.

Amber DeAnn:

Get through that all it could do is numb it out.

Amber DeAnn:

And like you said, at the beginning, you numb that out

Amber DeAnn:

and you miss everything else.

Amber DeAnn:

You do.

Amber DeAnn:

What?

Amber DeAnn:

Uh, when I lived in the bay area, I got to know some Indian families very well and.

Amber DeAnn:

Their lifestyle, their diet, their belief system, their everything, their community,

Amber DeAnn:

their sense of community was so strong.

Amber DeAnn:

And I was just, I was in awe.

Amber DeAnn:

I would just go every day and, you know, I was like, okay,

Amber DeAnn:

what can you teach me today?

Amber DeAnn:

I want to learn this.

Amber DeAnn:

And what, what is this book about?

Amber DeAnn:

And what's this theory about?

Amber DeAnn:

And what's, you know, less removed from the original.

Amber DeAnn:

Yeah.

Amber DeAnn:

Like they're less modern.

Amber DeAnn:

Like, I don't want to say less modernized because that's usually

Amber DeAnn:

used as like some sort of an insult, but like less modern society eyes.

Amber DeAnn:

Like it's been like in the U S you don't see Americans living in

Amber DeAnn:

like family units and communities.

Amber DeAnn:

Like most people don't know who their neighbors are.

Amber DeAnn:

There is no sense of as rugged individualism, and then you see

Amber DeAnn:

the immigrant communities and.

Amber DeAnn:

In this country and they're close together, they work together.

Amber DeAnn:

The family units are in one house or in a neighborhood, or they all know each other.

Amber DeAnn:

And it's this thing.

Amber DeAnn:

Well, no kidding.

Amber DeAnn:

Yeah.

Amber DeAnn:

That's what so impressed me.

Amber DeAnn:

It was not just their diet and it wasn't that they were

Amber DeAnn:

really more healthy than I was.

Amber DeAnn:

They got colds and all this kind of stuff too.

Amber DeAnn:

Cause they liked a dairy, but they had a.

Amber DeAnn:

There was peace in their soul.

Amber DeAnn:

There was peace in their mind.

Amber DeAnn:

They knew what their belief systems were, but around religion and

Amber DeAnn:

spirituality, they, they knew who they work, what they could do.

Amber DeAnn:

And they had a community.

Amber DeAnn:

They had a community.

Amber DeAnn:

I mean, they were tight.

Amber DeAnn:

They got this Yahoo pages, they got this group, they got third group.

Amber DeAnn:

They want something they're on each other's kids, like family,

Amber DeAnn:

getting jobs for each other.

Amber DeAnn:

Like it's.

Amber DeAnn:

Yeah.

Amber DeAnn:

Where do you, where do you buy this kind of food and where do you buy

Amber DeAnn:

that kind of vegetable and how do you deal with this at the school?

Amber DeAnn:

And they're communicating all the time, sharing all this information.

Amber DeAnn:

Everybody knows everybody else's business and it's okay.

Amber DeAnn:

It's not gossipy and it's not belittling degrading it's community.

Amber DeAnn:

It's like a village, like a tribe and I'm going, oh my God, we have

Amber DeAnn:

missed that in our whole society.

Amber DeAnn:

So how do I get that work?

Amber DeAnn:

And I'll be part of that.

Amber DeAnn:

I want to be part of the tribe.

Amber DeAnn:

Where's the, where do I sign up?

Amber DeAnn:

You know?

Amber DeAnn:

And they say, you're not Indian.

Amber DeAnn:

And give me a do over next time.

Amber DeAnn:

What is possible there's ways to create that.

Amber DeAnn:

And there's ways to find that.

Amber DeAnn:

And there's ways to, to explore that.

Amber DeAnn:

And I'm like th th that is an essential part of healing that

Amber DeAnn:

most people miss out on too.

Amber DeAnn:

Like a lot of our audience, like a common theme that I see in the chat rooms during

Amber DeAnn:

our webinars and things is like, How do I get my family on board with this?

Amber DeAnn:

Or how do I, you know, I don't have anyone to support me or I don't know

Amber DeAnn:

people like you guys in real life.

Amber DeAnn:

How do I find any people?

Amber DeAnn:

And it's a, it's a real challenge.

Amber DeAnn:

Like it makes doing any of this stuff much harder if, if you don't, if

Amber DeAnn:

you don't have that, that support.

Amber DeAnn:

So, um, well we're at about time and this has been.

Amber DeAnn:

Really enriching, I feel.

Amber DeAnn:

And, and I hope that everybody can appreciate, you know, I understand

Amber DeAnn:

the amount of work that you've done.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, I, I have an understanding of what are the results of what you

Amber DeAnn:

went through and, and what does that, where does that leave someone?

Amber DeAnn:

And what's.

Amber DeAnn:

Needed to move through that and how much this is not like a snap, your fingers

Amber DeAnn:

and decide I'm better type of scenario.

Amber DeAnn:

Like a lot of the things you've mentioned are a lot of work and they

Amber DeAnn:

w they were a lot of work and really hard, at least 10 years on this.

Amber DeAnn:

And then like five, 10 years before that, when I was learning to write

Amber DeAnn:

learning, to feel learning, to do all that stuff, it's been a long journey.

Amber DeAnn:

And I've had, you have had to drop connections with certain people to

Amber DeAnn:

drop connections for certain programs.

Amber DeAnn:

I had to take MDs out of my life, put, you know, functional medicine people,

Amber DeAnn:

and I've had to adjust all of those things so that I'm doing what's good for.

Amber DeAnn:

So then bringing in resources from me and to finally get to the point where you

Amber DeAnn:

start looking at yeah, me as important.

Amber DeAnn:

And I got to have a community of support people here, medical, you know, spiritual

Amber DeAnn:

people, all that around me to support me.

Amber DeAnn:

That's, that's a huge step to make.

Amber DeAnn:

And that's, that's another reason why I'll never go back to live in the Midwest.

Amber DeAnn:

Hey, as an Illinois boy who lives in California, I can't disagree

Amber DeAnn:

with your assessment there.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, there's I will also not be moving back to the Midwest anytime soon.

Amber DeAnn:

And I've actually been to Des Moines, Iowa, several times

Amber DeAnn:

and, uh, Omaha and those areas.

Amber DeAnn:

So.

Amber DeAnn:

Pretty familiar with the vast amount of nothing that's there and the

Amber DeAnn:

distance that was probably between your house and the nearest people.

Amber DeAnn:

And then like the social disconnect that goes on with that, especially, um, yeah.

Amber DeAnn:

And your situation.

Amber DeAnn:

So, uh, kudos to you and thanks for, for sharing it.

Amber DeAnn:

And now you do work to help others.

Amber DeAnn:

My work is on website called coaching by Amber, that com and on that website are

Amber DeAnn:

also links to my social media channels.

Amber DeAnn:

I'm on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, uh, doula and Instagram now, and then,

Amber DeAnn:

and I'm soon going to be moving on to all of the new social media platforms

Amber DeAnn:

that are out there because they think they're going to be really valued.

Amber DeAnn:

So I have a couple of web Facebook groups that have transformed childhood

Amber DeAnn:

experiences, trauma and stress.

Amber DeAnn:

And I have one on anxiety team.

Amber DeAnn:

They can find me on Facebook, any of those groups and, uh, send me some

Amber DeAnn:

questions and comments and whatever.

Amber DeAnn:

I've just made some posts now.

Amber DeAnn:

And I've got some new blogs coming up and I've written two books.

Amber DeAnn:

Those books are on my website.

Amber DeAnn:

Congratulations on that.

Amber DeAnn:

That's no small feat.

Amber DeAnn:

I've kicked around the idea a few times.

Amber DeAnn:

And, the scale of it always gets the best of me.

Amber DeAnn:

And I think, no, you can't do that right now.

Amber DeAnn:

So at some point I'll jump in, but it's a big, I have a lot

Amber DeAnn:

of friends who are authors.

Amber DeAnn:

I know what I know what that is.

Amber DeAnn:

And so congrats on that and is a huge.

Amber DeAnn:

It's a huge energy thing to do that.

Amber DeAnn:

And it's, and that's even a small part of marketing is the big picture here.

Amber DeAnn:

The big of the big expense, the big time endeavor everything.

Amber DeAnn:

Yeah.

Amber DeAnn:

So I've got to boost that all up.

Amber DeAnn:

Well, hopefully we help out a little bit with that.

Amber DeAnn:

Everybody head over and check out Amber his work and her books and her

Amber DeAnn:

Facebook groups and everything else.

Amber DeAnn:

And thank you for reaching out.

Amber DeAnn:

I do really good service.

Amber DeAnn:

I'm sure that you do, you're working from experience and you

Amber DeAnn:

can understand where people are at.

Amber DeAnn:

And that's, that's a huge thing.

Amber DeAnn:

Um, in helping people heal in any regard as being able to see where they are

Amber DeAnn:

and understand where they are and, and for them to feel seen and understood.

Amber DeAnn:

And so, um, you have, unfortunately, all of the experiences necessary to be

Amber DeAnn:

able to, to do that, but then those, those burdens and those pains become.

Amber DeAnn:

So that's a really inspiring, so thank you for reaching out and

Amber DeAnn:

for volunteering to share and for coming on and sharing your story and

Amber DeAnn:

for everything that you're doing.

Amber DeAnn:

Thank you so much.