Anxiety, Stress & Overwhelm

Katie Walls: 00:00:12

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to be focusing

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on your health and your well being and

bringing some balance into your lives.

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And please, yeah, don't hold back with

those questions because anything you're

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asking will be something relative

to all of us in our various ways.

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So welcome Sam.

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Sam Eddy: Thanks Katie.

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It's, um, yeah, it's good to be here

and to talk about such a big topic

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and something that, um, I'm sure

we've all been touched by in some

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form, whether it be anxiety, stress,

or just being a bit overwhelmed.

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Katie Walls: Yeah, definitely.

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And I think because of that and

because it's such a, it's really a,

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a worldwide epidemic, we could say,

and I definitely see, um, stress and

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anxiety is increasing in people's lives.

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And you see that in practice.

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You see that in workplaces,

you see it in families.

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We're seeing it with, younger and

younger children now, beginning to become

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very stressed over exams, you know,

in, in third grade and fourth grade.

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I definitely, that wasn't my experience.

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Um, more and more teenagers,

unfortunately, are on antidepressants

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and having symptoms that you

would normally see later in life.

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So from a, a family perspective, it's,

it's a great one to explore, um, in

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our relationships as well, and very

much on that individual basis too.

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Sam Eddy: Yeah, exactly.

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I mean, what, why do you

think it is so prevalent now?

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Um, I think we talk about in our overview,

um, when we were putting together this,

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we talked about, you know, what's normal.

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Is it normal to be stressed these days?

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Um, so I was just curious as to what

you thought, Katie, on that, and

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I've got some, a few ideas on it.

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Katie Walls: Yeah, I love, I love

what you're saying is what is normal?

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So, we've, we've put together a few

presentations and discussions on this

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and the symptoms of anxiety we're so

used to, and they may, and it'd be great

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if we can just talk about it a little

bit from a body perspective of what

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is anxiety, because often people don't

realize what they are experiencing is

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anxiety and then how that presents, which

can be different from person to person.

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It could simply mean waking up in the

morning and instead of just being with

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yourself, going into your to do list and

going through everything you need to do.

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And quite often people will wake

up with that anxiety that they've

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actually slept with during the night.

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Then they wake up in the morning,

they're already thinking about their day.

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They're in the shower already,

you know, a bit of anxiousness is

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starting about getting everything

prepared, the door starting work.

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So we're a bit distorted

as to what is normal.

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What does it feel like to breathe

your own breath and not have any of

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that running, um, in your system?

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And, you know, we're, we're raised with

parents that are doing their best, but

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quite often, especially, Especially you

see it with women that are anxious and

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how that then affects their children.

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And you often see then children develop

anxious behavior as well, because

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that's, you know, they're picking

up on it and they're thinking, well,

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something mustn't be right here.

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And it's not a topic that

is widely spoken about.

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And, you know, there can be a bit of

taboo around I'm anxious, I'm stressed,

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or I'm not dealing with life, where

in fact, it's the complete opposite.

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Your body is telling you

something isn't right.

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Your body is telling us that we're not

supporting ourself to the depth that

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we need to, hence why these symptoms

come up, being raciness, or it could

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be, um, your heartbeat is elevated.

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It could be you're breathing more rapidly,

but you just think that that's normal.

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It could be headaches, it could be tension

in the shoulders, um, and then the more,

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um, you know, not as severe symptoms,

and then it can go to really feeling

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like you're having a heart attack or

feeling like you just can't cope anymore.

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Sam Eddy: Yeah.

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I mean, that's, um, it's, it can be

quite scary to, um, anxiety and you

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talked about people sort of thinking

that they can be having a heart

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attack when they're stressed or they

get a physical symptom of stress.

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And I guess, um, that's why anxiety

is so debilitating for so many

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people, because as you said before,

anxiety doesn't just happen one day.

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So stress tends to build up over time.

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And as you say, that

really affects the body.

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It can make your nervous

system really tired.

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And the more tired it gets and

the more it builds up, um, that

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stress can then turn into anxiety.

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And what can start happening is those

physical symptoms will start to manifest.

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So you might be sitting at your desk

at work and your heart starts to race.

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You might get some palpitations.

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Um, you might, you might

start to sweat a bit.

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You get that feeling of needing to go

to the toilet or whatever it may be.

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And it can be, um, to

something that's seemingly.

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in a normal situation, but

these symptoms start to develop.

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So I guess that's a good indication, as

you say, your body is saying, hang on,

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this is, you know, this stress is, stress

could be a normal in everyday life,

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but that's when it's starting to tick

over into something like anxiety, where

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it's starting to give you a warning to

say, hang on, your body's really tired.

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Your nervous systems are

being a bit worn out here.

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Um, so it's a good, I guess it's

good to take it as a signal to

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try and do something about it.

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Katie Walls: Yeah, absolutely.

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And, um, we're so used to overriding those

signals that it then becomes unnormal.

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And it could be that you just have a

feeling that you've never got enough time,

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that that's an anxiousness in itself.

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You're always, you know, fighting time,

so to speak, or feeling that you're

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not completing things, that you'll

get to a certain point but that it's

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finding completion stage difficult.

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Then that is actually causing stress as

well, so it's really quite great when

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we explore because often people just

go to the traditional or more widely

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understood symptoms of anxiety which

is the rapid heartbeat, the sweating.

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etc.

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Um, but all of these subtle layers of

anxiety that we've become used to, to

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go, okay, my body's simply showing me

if I'm always feeling that I'm, um, time

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poor, that I'm living with a stress and

I'm living with an anxiety or that's

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putting pressure on my body as well.

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So by breaking it down in, into bits,

Um, it might be difficult to look at

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your whole day, that might feel like it's

too much, but then that's no problem,

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just start working with your morning.

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And when you wake up and, and just

from this conversation by checking

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in when you wake up tomorrow morning,

do you wake up feeling refreshed?

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Do you wake up just in that moment

with yourself or, you know, putting

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your hand even on your heart and going,

yeah, is my heartbeat just normal?

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Or is there a rapidness there?

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Is there a sense of me feeling I'm

holding, embracing my body, ready to

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tackle the day, ready to get out of

bed, ready to go through everything

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I need to, getting myself ready, kids

ready, whatever that happens to be.

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So just in that, if we start very much at

the basics of when you wake up tomorrow,

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have a, have a bit of assessment.

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When we're talking last time in the

podcast, you know, encouraging you to take

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notes, Um, to have a book with an exercise

book or something for this program

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and start doing that self reflection.

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So you can start to feel, yeah, how is

my body when I wake up in the morning?

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Am I feeling settled or do I have

these symptoms of anxiousness

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that perhaps have been there for a

while, but I'm just not aware of it?

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Sam Eddy: I think that's such good advice

because it, um, Becoming really aware

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of how, of the state we're in is the, is

the, is the first step to really assessing

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where you are from a stress perspective.

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Um, and if you notice these, the physical

tension in the body, um, if you notice

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that perhaps the adrenaline's might just

be drip feeding you a bit of tension, if

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you're rushing to work, uh, adrenaline's

running, if you're a bit anxious when

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you get into work, um, because you're

feeling the physical tension in your body.

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Um, that's, well, there's muscle tension,

you're getting headaches more often.

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It's a really good sign that there

is something, perhaps, perhaps you're

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pushing yourself a little bit too much.

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And Katie, you said before, um, about we

often try and overriding these symptoms.

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And I'm just wondering if anyone, any

of our listeners, um, often do this.

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I know I've been guilty of in the

past is if you're at your desk, you're

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trying to push through perhaps a

project, you're on a deadline and you,

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your body might start to feel tired.

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Your eyes might be tired, your

back's a bit sore because you've

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been sitting at your desk.

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And so instead of perhaps taking a

break, often what we do is we go, Oh

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gosh, I can't concentrate or I can't

focus, I've got to get a coffee.

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Or I'm going to get something

to sort of help me push through.

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And I don't think at the time, we

often know that what we're doing

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is actually adding more tension

to an already stressed out system.

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And when we make those choices over and

over again, when we continue to push

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through and we kind of try and override

or take, Um, a tablet so we can get rid

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of the headache so we can continue working

we're actually starting to override, um,

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and make an already tired body or nervous

system that little bit more stress.

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So we're kind of upping out or reducing

the threshold or the space we've got

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to actually cope with that stress

and our mind starts to get tired.

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So it's a real cumulative effect.

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That, that, that having awareness

around can be so powerful because

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you can start to, um, as you say,

reflect on it, note it all down, but

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also start to make different choices.

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So instead of perhaps grabbing

another coffee, it's like, hang

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on, I'm feeling really tired.

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What's going on here?

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I'm just going to get out of

the office for 15 minutes.

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We'll have lunch outside and just start to

break up that cycle where we keep pushing

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through and add to that kind of stress

response being activated constantly.

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Katie Walls: Yeah.

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Cause it exactly, as you say,

it has such a ripple on effect.

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So if we are continually to do that, it's

just like, you know, our glass is full.

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And then when we're in that stress stage,

it's burning through so much more fuel.

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Um, and, and then that's accumulating.

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So we're going to look for

fuel outside of ourself.

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If we're not caring for our body

to the level it needs reading, it's

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messages that it's giving us, then

we will look for the fuel outside.

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Fuel being sugary foods,

alcohol, stimulants, salts,

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um, whatever that happens to be

to try and get a fuel source.

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So, you know, and it's not saying it's

easy at times when we're all living

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in, the pressures that we have, but

it's, it's really beautiful starting

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to build that relationship with

yourself going, okay, it's not that

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I'm just lacking willpower as to why

I'm not able to resist the chocolate

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at three o'clock in the afternoon.

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You know, and people often beat

themselves up because I'll think,

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ah, you know, I set up this week was

going to be my week, I'm not doing it.

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And then we get into this negative

relationship and kind of dialogue with

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ourself when actually our body's starving

because it's exhausted, it's overwhelmed,

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It's anxious and it's stressed, or not if

all of those ingredients has got some of

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them, then we will be going to our vices,

being and numbing out with TV at night.

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And when we said, I wasn't going to

watch that program, I wanted to go

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to bed early and here I am sitting

again and again, well, people have

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been really commenting that, um, even

those that weren't addicted to social

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media have really started to be looking

at their, news feeds more regularly

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and getting distracted with things.

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Well, again, that's like a stimulant

because you're distracted from your

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body and how your body's feeling to

then focus on those other things.

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So that's actually no different to eating

chocolate or eating something that's

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giving us a distraction so that we're

not having to feel actually I'm tired or

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I'm not feeling settled within myself.

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Sam Eddy: Yes, yeah, that's so true.

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It's um, and it's interesting how, um,

I like what you said about how we kind

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of beat ourselves up so if perhaps

yesterday you had three cups of coffee.

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Or, you know, you went home and had

two glasses of wine and you're like, Oh

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gosh, I, you know, I didn't need that.

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I think what we're saying is just be

aware of it and go, Okay, well that's

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what I did, so maybe tomorrow I'm

just going to have one cup of coffee.

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So it's not about necessarily

depriving, but it's just being aware

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that I hang on three cups of coffee,

hang on, I start to get wound up

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at kind of, makes me feel tense.

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It adds to the tension I'm feeling.

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Um, for example, or, you know,

having that extra glass of wine

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at night might affect my sleep.

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So I'm waking up more tired and

then a little bit more stressed.

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So it's just about, yeah, about

being aware of it and then also,

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but also being kind to yourself

and going, well, I am human.

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Look, occasionally I'll, I might have

too much of this or I might've watched

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that TV show, as you said, and, um,

and just being, also being kind to

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yourself during this period, because

the more we hard on ourselves, we just

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add to tension that's already there.

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Katie Walls: It's like a

never ending wheel, right?

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And what's great with what you're

saying is that it's starting to

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clock and observe your patterns.

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And we did, we did present this last week.

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We're just building on that to go, what

is your relationship with your body?

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Rather than going straight

to that frustration.

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It's like, you know what?

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It actually makes sense that I feel

like having another glass of wine

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tonight because I found it really

stressful in that meeting and I

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didn't express what I wanted to.

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I held back and now I'm

feeling the tension of holding

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back and not expressing.

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So I'm wanting something to numb it.

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I mean, and it's cool

to have that first step.

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It's not about if you have at this

stage that second glass of wine.

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I'm just using that as an example.

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It's that awareness that you're

developing to clock what it is

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that's happened in your day to make

you want that second glass of wine.

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And that's where the healing starts,

regardless of whether you have it or not,

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you've already initiated your healing

and gone deeper with your well being and

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balance in your life, by clocking where

the tension is, and then what you're

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going to, and then you just keep working

with the pattern, you'll see different

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things, it's like, you start to realise,

and that's why we are our own healers.

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We can only do it ourself.

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We can get support.

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Absolutely.

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But you know how many self help books

are out there, how many different

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programs, how many different diets,

you know, it's like it's simple,

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but if it was easy, we'd be doing

it because we're wanting to do it.

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So we've got to work with ourselves

and see how we're sabotaging and then

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bringing that understanding and that

love that you're talking about, Sam,

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to go, ah, it actually makes sense.

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And I don't have to fight myself.

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And it's actually not about willpower.

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It's about supporting myself more, so

that I'm not going through my vices.

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Sam Eddy: Yeah, that's so, so true.

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Um, I was just going to talk about the

stress response and all the fear response

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even, because when stress is happening,

um, often people ask me, I'm not sure if

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you get the same questions too, but they

ask, well, what's the difference between

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stress and anxiety, for example, and I

often talk about the fear response or

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the stress response, that fight or flight

response that we, that you may get, Okay.

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Um, for example, the operating at a

normal level, if you're in the street,

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you've been chased by a vicious dog, for

example, your heart will start to race,

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adrenaline will pop around your body,

it will give you more oxygen, so you're

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able to then run if you need to, freeze,

so keep motionless, or turn and fight,

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um, and that's a really normal response.

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So when there's an immediate danger,

that's really normal and something that.

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That you want to happen,

so it protects you.

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But I think with the stress we're talking

about and the anxiety we're talking about

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is when that stress response starts to

activate in, when there is no obvious

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immediate physical danger, for example.

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And that can, is what can happen if

you're lying in bed or you wake up during

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the middle of the night, you're busy at

work and you start to think about that

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project that might be running late or how

you're going to get through all the work,

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how you're going to meet that deadline.

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Or what about the kids, are

they performing well at school?

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And usually, along with those thoughts,

the stress response is activated.

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So I was just keen for your thoughts

on that, Katie, because we've talked

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about the physical side, but what,

what is it that fuels then the

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worries, or how does that work?

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Katie Walls: And often it's, it

exposes our patterns of control.

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How controlling, you know, we generally

are in life and don't even really,

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really reason, realize, sorry.

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And he might be someone that says,

actually, I'm not that controlling,

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but it can be quite subtle as well.

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So then when things outside of our so

called control happen, that's often

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when your anxiety gets triggered.

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So it might, mightn't feel, you

know, there's so many different

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variables that are happening.

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I'll just bring it practically.

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I remember, um, having my mum to stay and,

you know, when you, when you're little,

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you're only seeing certain perspectives of

your parents and she's an awesome woman.

283

: 00:17:26

But having her here for the

few days, I could see for the

284

: 00:17:30

first time her level of anxiety.

285

: 00:17:32

And I didn't know that growing up.

286

: 00:17:34

That was just mum, right?

287

: 00:17:36

And it, it was quite severe.

288

: 00:17:39

So I You know, just gently

referring to it, and she said,

289

: 00:17:43

yeah, no, I can feel I get anxious.

290

: 00:17:45

But what had happened was, she was

so used to living with that intense

291

: 00:17:49

anxiety that was her normal.

292

: 00:17:51

And I had to say, you know, well,

mom, it's not actually normal to

293

: 00:17:54

feel you need to go to the bathroom,

you know, every half an hour

294

: 00:17:57

or 40 minutes, whatever it was.

295

: 00:17:59

Or to be waking up and stressing

about having to drive just 10

296

: 00:18:04

minutes down the road, etc.

297

: 00:18:05

So as you know, it's very

gentle conversation, but it

298

: 00:18:08

was really eye opening for her

because she was so used to that.

299

: 00:18:12

And then she started saying,

do you not have that?

300

: 00:18:14

Do you not?

301

: 00:18:15

experience that.

302

: 00:18:16

And I said, look, I might experience

other things, but know that there

303

: 00:18:19

is a way to live where you don't

have to be in that intensity.

304

: 00:18:23

And then she started

to really work with it.

305

: 00:18:25

So, you know, that, that's what we're

saying at the beginning of the session,

306

: 00:18:28

the call was that often our normal,

um, just cause we're so used to it,

307

: 00:18:33

we're not realizing it, but then it

becomes exactly like you're saying, it's

308

: 00:18:37

not just triggered by certain things.

309

: 00:18:39

There's an underlying current

that we've become used to.

310

: 00:18:43

Um, and that could just be a stressful

period of work that triggered it and it

311

: 00:18:48

could just be one project that you had

to deliver on and you had to really, you

312

: 00:18:52

know, you were really pushing yourself

and then your care for yourself started

313

: 00:18:56

to drop and then you might have had other

tendencies that started to come in to

314

: 00:19:00

try and get you through it and then your

body's used to that and then you just kept

315

: 00:19:04

pushing, pushing or could be a promotion.

316

: 00:19:07

And your level of care for yourself

really wasn't at the level that

317

: 00:19:10

was needed to be consistent so

that you didn't get stressed.

318

: 00:19:14

Because whenever there's a change in

life, you know, a new child coming in,

319

: 00:19:18

or a promotion, or a geographical move,

or kids starting school, or whatever it

320

: 00:19:24

happens to be, there's adjustment that

happens within our rhythm of our life.

321

: 00:19:29

Um, and if we're not then feeling

that and feeling our body starting

322

: 00:19:33

to go, yeah, I'm getting tense in the

morning, I didn't used to have that,

323

: 00:19:36

or I'm getting tense at night, then if

we're not adjusting accordingly to go

324

: 00:19:41

deeper with how we are in rhythm with

ourself, with our family, and that means

325

: 00:19:45

just preparing for the day or for the

evening, then that in itself creates an

326

: 00:19:51

anxiousness or a tension in the body.

327

: 00:19:55

Often we expect a lot from ourselves.

328

: 00:19:57

We think, yep, we can do the promotion,

we can do this, we're invincible, etc.

329

: 00:20:01

Until we get to this stage that

there is an epidemic and people

330

: 00:20:04

are saying, look, I'm seeing it

in my kids younger and younger.

331

: 00:20:07

And those kids are observing us as adults

and picking up our behaviors as well.

332

: 00:20:14

Sam Eddy: Yes, and I think, um,

people also can be a bit bewildered.

333

: 00:20:19

You talked about your mum sort of not

being aware of her level of anxiety

334

: 00:20:23

because she was just so used to it, and

that's a really common, a common thing,

335

: 00:20:27

and, and also people when the anxiety gets

super severe, or the anxieties are really,

336

: 00:20:32

the, the symptoms are really severe

and they can manifest in other things

337

: 00:20:36

like panic attacks or anxiety attacks.

338

: 00:20:39

A lot of people are bewildered.

339

: 00:20:41

Because they have had a certain

level of stress that they've

340

: 00:20:45

dealt with for such a long time.

341

: 00:20:47

And when they get more severe symptoms,

they can't understand what's going

342

: 00:20:51

on because they're so, they've been

experiencing it for so long that they're

343

: 00:20:56

unable to have the perspective on the

stress that they've been experiencing to

344

: 00:21:00

go, oh gosh, hang on, this is not normal.

345

: 00:21:02

Or actually, these stressful events in

my life that perhaps Write about how

346

: 00:21:06

anxieties have caused this originally.

347

: 00:21:08

Have it dissipated or I'm taking

on too much and there's a reason

348

: 00:21:10

why my body is reacting like this.

349

: 00:21:13

I find that when we talk about stress

and anxiety, we often talk about mental

350

: 00:21:18

health, but often the stress and the

anxieties we experience and the bodies.

351

: 00:21:25

And the physical symptoms

of the stress can often be a

352

: 00:21:28

sign to tell you to slow down.

353

: 00:21:33

Um, if we, if we, if we sort of let

ourselves listen to it and not dismiss

354

: 00:21:38

it just as something or our thinking's

gone astray, for example, where we're

355

: 00:21:41

just experiencing anxious thinking, it's

usually our body's way of telling us, hang

356

: 00:21:46

on, Sam, for example, you know, you got

too much going on at work, you're taking

357

: 00:21:51

on too much, you just can't do it, or

you're constantly thinking about work.

358

: 00:21:55

Um, and, and that's.

359

: 00:21:57

I find a good way to start looking

for help to try and change things.

360

: 00:22:03

Katie Walls: Yeah.

361

: 00:22:04

Beautiful.

362

: 00:22:04

And that leads us into the next area

where we can look at how can we start

363

: 00:22:09

to practically support ourselves more

when we are feeling stressed, et cetera.

364

: 00:22:13

And just what you were saying, it

could be even, you know, a traumatic

365

: 00:22:16

situation happened growing up or

even a family environment that we

366

: 00:22:20

were growing up in and you learned

your coping strategies for that.

367

: 00:22:24

And then as we develop as adults.

368

: 00:22:27

and take on more responsibility,

promotion, extra baby in the

369

: 00:22:30

household, whatever it is.

370

: 00:22:32

It's like your body goes, you know

what, those strategies that you've been

371

: 00:22:35

using, they're not going to cut it now

because you're over, you know, you've

372

: 00:22:38

reached that boiling point, so to speak.

373

: 00:22:41

So then what do we do?

374

: 00:22:42

Do we just keep pushing ourselves or do

we start to reassess, ask for more help,

375

: 00:22:47

um, reach out to our support network?

376

: 00:22:49

And you know, and it's a lot of

people have trouble asking for help.

377

: 00:22:53

Because you have to be very

vulnerable in that, and we've got

378

: 00:22:57

this perfectionist thing that gets

in the way, versus, you know, what we

379

: 00:23:00

are actually here to help each other.

380

: 00:23:02

We can't actually do it all.

381

: 00:23:04

You know, the saying, it takes a village

to raise a family kids, it is true.

382

: 00:23:10

And it adds a richness when we are open

to that support, um, be it if financially

383

: 00:23:16

we can afford to pay for that support,

or if we can't, um, looking at, and often

384

: 00:23:20

we look in the places where it's more

comfortable for us to ask, you might

385

: 00:23:24

think, well, I'm not really getting

supported, but going beyond that and

386

: 00:23:27

going, well, that's just comfortable

for me, but actually, I know this

387

: 00:23:30

person, they'd, they'd be available

and, willing to support, et cetera.

388

: 00:23:34

And that might enhance that relationship,

but it requires that vulnerability

389

: 00:23:39

to look outside the square as

well from a support point of view.

390

: 00:23:42

Sam Eddy: We do have a question, actually.

391

: 00:23:45

Chris has asked, in terms of pushing

through, the solution is to always

392

: 00:23:51

exercise, and I need to get out and

run or hide, but I then put myself more

393

: 00:23:57

behind in terms of the things I do.

394

: 00:24:00

So I think it's really around, I want

to exercise, I try to push through,

395

: 00:24:05

so I try and exercise just so I can

sort of maintain a bit of balance,

396

: 00:24:09

but then I've run out of time to

do the other things I need to do.

397

: 00:24:13

Is there any advice for that?

398

: 00:24:15

Katie Walls: Yeah, there's an adjustment

period that happens, like if we're used

399

: 00:24:18

to doing a certain thing every day, and

then we're introducing something else,

400

: 00:24:23

there does need to be that adjustment.

401

: 00:24:25

And often people who are doing what you've

just said, um, will say, look I know

402

: 00:24:30

I need to continue doing this but I am

feeling like I'm falling behind and then

403

: 00:24:35

it's just sticking to it and then you

start to might find that you're actually

404

: 00:24:39

waking up a bit earlier in the morning

once you crack the back of it so to speak

405

: 00:24:43

and then it becomes more your normal.

406

: 00:24:46

There is definitely the transitional stage

that you're talking about which often

407

: 00:24:50

we'll either continue with or that's when

we go it's too hard and then we're back

408

: 00:24:55

to feeling like we're beginning again.

409

: 00:24:58

So, you know, it's just evaluate.

410

: 00:25:01

Sam Eddy: Sorry, Katie.

411

: 00:25:01

I was just going to say, um,

I think it's, it's so true.

412

: 00:25:04

It's when we, when we become aware

that we're anxious or stressed and, and

413

: 00:25:09

we're trying to do the right things.

414

: 00:25:11

I think it's great to do exercise.

415

: 00:25:12

Um, and exercise in itself is a great

way to help disperse the adrenaline, the

416

: 00:25:17

excess adrenaline we have in our bodies.

417

: 00:25:18

So it can actually help.

418

: 00:25:21

Just manage the stress that we're

feeling or the anxiety, generally

419

: 00:25:24

speaking, because it helps

disperse the excess adrenaline.

420

: 00:25:26

If you have excess adrenaline in your

system, that can fuel negative thinking.

421

: 00:25:31

So it's a good thing to,

to maintain if you can.

422

: 00:25:34

But what you're saying also, um,

Katie, I think is good advice is also

423

: 00:25:38

trying to find someone you can talk to.

424

: 00:25:40

It might be a coach.

425

: 00:25:41

It might be a counselor, um, someone

where you can, Get out of your own

426

: 00:25:45

head a bit and use as a sounding

board to go, Okay, listen, I really

427

: 00:25:49

like the exercise, I really enjoy it.

428

: 00:25:51

It's helping with my stress, but then

I run out of time to do everything

429

: 00:25:54

else that's going on in my life.

430

: 00:25:56

And often when you start to talk about

it with someone, you can start to find

431

: 00:26:00

opportunities or people can help you see

opportunities to perhaps reduce a couple

432

: 00:26:05

of small things in your life that are

causing you to feel that you have no time.

433

: 00:26:11

Um, and it can also help you reframe.

434

: 00:26:13

What you're doing, so you might

be able to slow life down a

435

: 00:26:16

little bit more generally.

436

: 00:26:18

Just to try and take the

pace off everything to help

437

: 00:26:20

with clarity of thinking.

438

: 00:26:22

Um, because if we're trying to think about

it on our own, we get in our own head,

439

: 00:26:26

we think about it over and over again,

it's very hard to sometimes become clear,

440

: 00:26:31

especially when we're tired or our mind

is tired, on what next steps can really

441

: 00:26:36

help us start to reduce our stress levels.

442

: 00:26:38

So exercise is a great tool, but also

I think speaking to someone is also

443

: 00:26:44

really great and, if you are feeling

stressed, little tips like avoiding too

444

: 00:26:48

much sugar, avoiding too much caffeine,

avoiding, things like the stimulants that

445

: 00:26:53

are adding and making things difficult

are always all great tips as well.

446

: 00:26:59

Katie Walls: Exactly, yeah.

447

: 00:27:01

Talking to people and then also if we use

that example which is great of not feeling

448

: 00:27:06

like you have the time for exercise and

for you it may be exercise for someone

449

: 00:27:09

else that might be you know doing

paperwork or administration from the home

450

: 00:27:14

point of view and that's stressing them

that they're not getting on top of it.

451

: 00:27:17

So if we're looking at feeling time

poor then it's Saying again to, to your

452

: 00:27:23

partner or whoever you happen to live

with, whatever your arrangements are,

453

: 00:27:28

how can we share those responsibilities

a bit more so that I'm able to do this?

454

: 00:27:34

And then likewise, they're

able to have that time as well.

455

: 00:27:37

So working in partnership, whatever

our arrangements are so that we're not

456

: 00:27:42

duplicating tasks as well and that we're

supporting each other with whatever

457

: 00:27:47

it is that we know to free up some

time, which will help with our stress.

458

: 00:27:53

For someone that might be going to a

meditation session every week or yoga or

459

: 00:27:57

exercise or whatever it happens to be.

460

: 00:28:01

So what?

461

: 00:28:02

Yeah, exactly that working

together so that there is more

462

: 00:28:05

opportunity to have that space

for yourself is really important

463

: 00:28:10

Sam Eddy: We've got a few more

questions Katie one on social anxiety.

464

: 00:28:15

So there's a question around What

to do if you develop some, you have

465

: 00:28:21

some sort of social anxiety when

you're going to client meetings.

466

: 00:28:25

Presenting to clients

can be difficult anyway.

467

: 00:28:29

And, you know, especially there

could be pressure to get a client to

468

: 00:28:32

onboard to your business, for example.

469

: 00:28:33

So any thoughts on that?

470

: 00:28:36

Katie Walls: I agree.

471

: 00:28:37

I'm so pleased.

472

: 00:28:38

Thank you for putting that forward,

because whether it's public

473

: 00:28:41

speaking, whether it's, um, having

to present at a meeting, engage in

474

: 00:28:46

new relationships professionally,

whatever it is, it's very rare to find

475

: 00:28:50

someone that hasn't been uncomfortable

at some stage of that process.

476

: 00:28:54

So, the first thing that's so

supportive is to go, you know what?

477

: 00:28:58

Yeah, I am socially awkward, or I

do feel awkward in these situations,

478

: 00:29:02

or I'm anxious and not fight it.

479

: 00:29:04

You know, this is a societal thing of,

you know, we have to have it all together.

480

: 00:29:07

Where does that come from?

481

: 00:29:08

That actually doesn't exist.

482

: 00:29:10

So it's actually showing that you've

got a real depth of sensitivity.

483

: 00:29:13

And, and you, you know, by presenting

this, it's, it's opened up the door for

484

: 00:29:18

everyone else on the call to get to know

what, where do you feel awkward socially?

485

: 00:29:24

Where do you feel like you have to be

the one that makes everyone feeling

486

: 00:29:28

good or okay or bring it all, et cetera.

487

: 00:29:30

And in that you're getting to know

yourself more and therefore the

488

: 00:29:35

key about it, which is so very

cool is you get to understand where

489

: 00:29:39

you can support yourself more.

490

: 00:29:41

Because for me too, I've had

to work through some of these

491

: 00:29:43

aspects and, and I realized the

pressure I was putting on myself.

492

: 00:29:47

And then when I was more honest going,

actually this situation, I don't feel

493

: 00:29:50

as comfortable as that situation.

494

: 00:29:52

So then I'll go, how do I need to

prepare for this situation where

495

: 00:29:55

it taxes me a little bit more?

496

: 00:29:58

And I would, I'd make sure I had my

research there or, um, I'd be, you

497

: 00:30:02

know, super prepared beforehand,

making sure I had set my clothes

498

: 00:30:07

the night before, et cetera.

499

: 00:30:08

So to the best of my ability,

I had the space that I needed

500

: 00:30:12

that morning to prepare for

whatever event it happened to be.

501

: 00:30:16

And then you just see, you start

to really respect that sensitivity

502

: 00:30:20

and what it brings as well.

503

: 00:30:21

And then what it brings to your

client relationships, because

504

: 00:30:24

we all have different ways.

505

: 00:30:25

Comparisons are killer.

506

: 00:30:28

It is an absolute killer.

507

: 00:30:29

So very relevant to be talking about that

in relation to anxiety and overwhelm.

508

: 00:30:35

Absolutely.

509

: 00:30:35

Because suddenly we can have this

recording going on in our head where

510

: 00:30:39

we're comparing and automatically we start

to doubt what we're presenting because

511

: 00:30:43

we're thinking it's not good enough.

512

: 00:30:44

So that personal relationship with

you, starting to value what you're

513

: 00:30:48

bringing, starting to appreciate your

attributes and what you're bringing,

514

: 00:30:51

you start to notice that you feel more

solid within yourself in these public

515

: 00:30:55

situations and relationship situations.

516

: 00:30:59

Did you want to add anything on that one?

517

: 00:31:00

Sam Eddy: Yeah.

518

: 00:31:01

Yeah, absolutely.

519

: 00:31:02

I think that's great advice.

520

: 00:31:03

Um, we've also had another question

around waking up in the middle of the

521

: 00:31:06

night, which I know is a common one

with stress worries, but not being

522

: 00:31:09

able to calm the thoughts, um, and

that can then lead to feeling really

523

: 00:31:15

tired, um, you know, feeling too

tired to even get up and try and break

524

: 00:31:20

up the thoughts or shake them off.

525

: 00:31:23

Um, so someone's looking, so they're

looking for tips on that, but I wanted

526

: 00:31:26

to add, I think with both the, the

worry about the client meetings and

527

: 00:31:30

also worrying about all the thoughts,

the stress and the worries that come

528

: 00:31:34

perhaps during the night, the three

things I recommend really is to try

529

: 00:31:40

and look at why, um, why these, these

are perhaps triggers for you, perhaps

530

: 00:31:45

why is, um, the stress or worries

that are coming during the night?

531

: 00:31:48

Why are they coming for you?

532

: 00:31:49

What is it that's on your mind.

533

: 00:31:51

For example, um, what is it about a

client meeting that you're worried about?

534

: 00:31:55

You mentioned expectations often we

can fear, have a fear of failure.

535

: 00:32:00

So trying to really understand

what it is, what are the

536

: 00:32:02

stress and worry specifically?

537

: 00:32:03

Is it work?

538

: 00:32:04

Is it family?

539

: 00:32:06

Just, it's good to understand why,

but then also, be aware, as we've

540

: 00:32:10

talked about earlier, the symptoms.

541

: 00:32:12

So when you wake up at night, is it

your heart that starts to race a bit?

542

: 00:32:15

Is it the adrenaline starts

pumping, starts pumping that

543

: 00:32:19

fuels your, your worried thinking?

544

: 00:32:21

The same when you're in a client meeting.

545

: 00:32:23

Do you get sweaty palms, that feeling

of needing to go to the toilet?

546

: 00:32:27

Because when we're aware of

the symptoms, we can start to

547

: 00:32:31

say, okay, that's just anxiety.

548

: 00:32:34

The anxiety or the symptoms of

anxiety are just fueling my thoughts.

549

: 00:32:39

So it's not necessarily the thought

themselves that we have to be worried

550

: 00:32:42

about during the middle of the night.

551

: 00:32:44

We can, we can deal on a practical

level with the situation later on.

552

: 00:32:48

Um, but when we start to be aware that,

hang on, this is just symptoms of anxiety

553

: 00:32:52

that are making our thoughts seem more

real, seem often, um, worse than they are,

554

: 00:32:58

we can start to then break up that cycle.

555

: 00:33:01

The more awareness we have around it,

we're starting to break up that cycle of

556

: 00:33:05

worry and stress every single time, and

the more we do it, um, we're starting

557

: 00:33:09

to then, um, you know, make inroads

and to reduce those stress levels.

558

: 00:33:14

The other thing too is to, to

try and calm the body physically.

559

: 00:33:19

I think, Katie, you mentioned meditation.

560

: 00:33:21

So it could be exercise.

561

: 00:33:23

It could be doing some meditation or

taking some time out just to slow things

562

: 00:33:26

down so you're really able to calm the

body down, which then can also affect

563

: 00:33:33

your thinking and start to reduce those

anxious thoughts that are coming in.

564

: 00:33:37

Katie Walls: Yeah, perfect.

565

: 00:33:40

Were there any other questions coming in?

566

: 00:33:42

Sam Eddy: Yes, there was a great

question from Carly on, um,

567

: 00:33:49

and I'm just going through it.

568

: 00:33:50

There's some people who are,

you know, working secondments.

569

: 00:33:54

They're, um, they've got really

pressing demand, family demands.

570

: 00:33:59

Um, people need to work.

571

: 00:34:00

Some people need to work in the

evening, trying to manage children,

572

: 00:34:03

um, pickups, drop off, drops off,

drop offs at school or childcare.

573

: 00:34:08

Um, and then often we can't

be everywhere we want to be.

574

: 00:34:12

So if we're at work where we

feel like we're neglecting our

575

: 00:34:16

kids, if we're at home with the

kids, we're neglecting our job.

576

: 00:34:19

So that's, and we feel guilty about it.

577

: 00:34:22

So there's a whole, that's sort

of a real practical example

578

: 00:34:24

of overwhelm that's going on.

579

: 00:34:27

Katie Walls: Perfect example,

and um, many would be relating as

580

: 00:34:30

you were reading that out, Sam.

581

: 00:34:32

So thanks for the opportunity that's

been presented with the question.

582

: 00:34:37

And life does pull us in

many different directions.

583

: 00:34:39

So what if we focus on, yeah, I can't do

everything that I want to do necessarily,

584

: 00:34:45

physically, emotionally, with time, etc.

585

: 00:34:48

Um, but I can certainly be in this

moment, wherever that happens to be.

586

: 00:34:53

And our mind loves to filter in

doubt or, you know, we're not good

587

: 00:34:57

enough with certain things, or we

need to improve with certain aspects.

588

: 00:35:01

But what if we just tried to the

best of our ability to not engage

589

: 00:35:06

in that talk, And instead say, but

you know what I am, what I can do,

590

: 00:35:10

and, and what the opportunity here

is to be in this moment to the best

591

: 00:35:14

of my ability and bring all of me.

592

: 00:35:16

And then that then leads to the

next moment and the next moment

593

: 00:35:20

and the next moment and the

thing is this actually works.

594

: 00:35:23

And I know feeling pulled between

work and family and time, etc.

595

: 00:35:28

That working with yourself, in that

saying that right now if I'm aware with

596

: 00:35:33

what's happening and I bring my all

in that it leaves less room for all of

597

: 00:35:37

that doubt that comes in and feeling

all that I should, you know, I should

598

: 00:35:42

do this, I should do that, well you

know what I could do that but right now

599

: 00:35:45

this is what needs my focus and then

when you are with the kids They get to

600

: 00:35:49

film more a quality of you rather than

the parent coming home, feeling guilty.

601

: 00:35:54

I haven't been here for you.

602

: 00:35:56

So then they miss out on that 10

minutes you've actually got with

603

: 00:35:58

them because you're feeling guilty.

604

: 00:36:00

So you're not actually

connecting with them.

605

: 00:36:02

Does that, does that make sense, Sam,

on a really practical level of where,

606

: 00:36:07

you know, whether it's at work or

wherever you happen to be, the more

607

: 00:36:11

you foster that relationship, then

when you are with people and you are

608

: 00:36:14

in the moment, they get more of you.

609

: 00:36:17

Sam Eddy: Absolutely.

610

: 00:36:18

Um, you know, this question on how do

we calm thoughts has come up as well.

611

: 00:36:22

And I think that's relating to all the

life situations that we're experiencing.

612

: 00:36:26

I think what you said around

just trying to be in the moment,

613

: 00:36:30

we hear a lot these days about

around mindfulness and meditation.

614

: 00:36:35

and um, how we just be in the moment,

be fully present with who we are.

615

: 00:36:42

If we can find a way to get to

that point and when we're in the

616

: 00:36:46

moment, it stops us worrying about

what might happen in the future.

617

: 00:36:50

So worrying about that client meeting

or worrying about not being with the

618

: 00:36:54

kids when I'm at work or worrying

about or what's happened in the

619

: 00:36:58

past, what I did in that meeting or

what I said in that meeting or how

620

: 00:37:01

I spoke to my kids the other night.

621

: 00:37:03

When we're in the moment, we

are able to fully accept the

622

: 00:37:08

busyness of our situations.

623

: 00:37:11

We're not, we're not thinking too much

negatively about what might happen.

624

: 00:37:18

We're not worrying about the past.

625

: 00:37:20

And that's a really powerful place to

be in because then we can start to move

626

: 00:37:24

through the challenges in our life, and

we start to gain clarity of thinking

627

: 00:37:29

where we can start to make clearer,

calmer decisions that on a practical

628

: 00:37:34

level will give us more time and space.

629

: 00:37:38

And what those decisions are are

individual for all of us, but my

630

: 00:37:42

strong advice to everyone is to

find a way into the present moment.

631

: 00:37:46

Or to start to move into moment by moment

living that can be through meditation

632

: 00:37:50

as we said it can be through exercise.

633

: 00:37:53

It might start with a conversation

with someone, a counselor, it could be

634

: 00:37:56

a trusted friend, to start to reorder

things in your life in your mind to

635

: 00:38:01

find out and understand why we have

gotten to a point where we're quite

636

: 00:38:05

stressed and feeling overwhelmed.

637

: 00:38:06

But if we have that goal to try and move

into moment by moment living, it can

638

: 00:38:12

be a really powerful tool to start to

make really great changes and help with

639

: 00:38:17

those feelings of anxiety and stress.

640

: 00:38:20

Katie Walls: Yeah.

641

: 00:38:21

And really appreciating your intentions.

642

: 00:38:23

So if we look at that example we're

torn between work and kids, etc.

643

: 00:38:28

You know, kids can suss out

when you're not there, as

644

: 00:38:31

can people in a meeting, etc.

645

: 00:38:33

when you're thinking of different things,

just putting on the face as though you're

646

: 00:38:35

present, but you're really occupied in

your thoughts and especially if we really

647

: 00:38:39

relate it to our relationship with kids,

if they get five minutes of you being

648

: 00:38:44

present, that makes up for hours and

hours of not actually being present in the

649

: 00:38:49

sense that it's not about volume of time.

650

: 00:38:52

It's about, yeah, I'm there.

651

: 00:38:54

I'm hearing what you're saying, be it a

meeting or being in a family environment.

652

: 00:38:58

I'm actually here.

653

: 00:38:59

I'm connecting with you and

you have my full attention.

654

: 00:39:02

That's gold.

655

: 00:39:04

And, and that's why, you know, you've

got to appreciate your intentions

656

: 00:39:07

and say to the best of my ability,

I'm going to be working on that to

657

: 00:39:10

really block out these thoughts.

658

: 00:39:12

that we've been talking about.

659

: 00:39:14

Anything that's negative and taking away,

it's like you've got to stop and go,

660

: 00:39:18

why am I giving that my valuable time?

661

: 00:39:20

My time is so valuable.

662

: 00:39:22

Why am I letting that take

my time and take my energy?

663

: 00:39:26

I've got so many important things

here, so I'm going to conserve that.

664

: 00:39:29

I'm going to start blocking out

and not engaging in that and start

665

: 00:39:34

to bring it back to me right here.

666

: 00:39:36

What does need my focus?

667

: 00:39:38

And then you actually find that time

does expand in that and you've got more

668

: 00:39:43

clarity with what you're doing as well.

669

: 00:39:44

And then you've got more of you that you

can take home to your family or whatever

670

: 00:39:48

you choose to do after work as well.

671

: 00:39:51

Sam Eddy: Yes.

672

: 00:39:53

Yeah, absolutely.

673

: 00:39:54

There's a few more questions, Katie.

674

: 00:39:57

There's one around generational

gaps in parenting advice,

675

: 00:40:01

adding to the stress in life.

676

: 00:40:04

Um, when I think parents or grandparents

or parents talking to their new

677

: 00:40:10

parents who are, who are their kids

now, um, there can be different ways

678

: 00:40:13

of raising and bringing up kids,

but that can add to the stress.

679

: 00:40:17

In an environment, obviously, raising

kids when we're working can be

680

: 00:40:20

really difficult because we're busy.

681

: 00:40:22

But how, how do you deal

with that generational gap?

682

: 00:40:25

And how do you, I guess,

speak to your parents?

683

: 00:40:28

Um, who perhaps may have different

way, they raised you differently or

684

: 00:40:32

have different thoughts on how they do

things, but it's causing you stress.

685

: 00:40:36

Have you any thoughts around that?

686

: 00:40:38

Katie Walls: I was smiling throughout

you reading that whole question because

687

: 00:40:41

I relate to that on so many levels.

688

: 00:40:44

It's, it's really funny.

689

: 00:40:46

Um, and what I've learned through trial

and error, through, through different

690

: 00:40:50

families and situations and very different

approaches to life in relation to

691

: 00:40:54

parenting is, now, you know, it's about

appreciating what that generation brings.

692

: 00:41:00

Because it often will react and you know,

they were, their best intentions are

693

: 00:41:04

there and that's how they were raised.

694

: 00:41:06

But you can feel the lacing sometimes

in our best intentions and how

695

: 00:41:10

that can shut down kids as well.

696

: 00:41:12

So if we rather than going head to

head in battle with that, even though

697

: 00:41:16

it doesn't appear that way, that's the

way, you know, it can feel at times,

698

: 00:41:20

is trying to bring that understanding

to say that I appreciate what you're

699

: 00:41:24

bringing because every generation offers

so much in relation to raising our kids.

700

: 00:41:29

But then also imparting why you're feeling

to raise your kids in the way that you do.

701

: 00:41:34

Often it's just, and I found that was

really worked with breaking things down.

702

: 00:41:39

And then the respect that's needed,

because if you find that even though

703

: 00:41:43

they are the best intentions that

you're being, I suppose, um, you know,

704

: 00:41:49

not being valued for your parenting

style with your kids, then the

705

: 00:41:52

kids are picking up on all of that.

706

: 00:41:54

So it's as loving adults that we are

identifying the benefits of that

707

: 00:41:59

approach that's being presented by

someone else in raising our kids, but

708

: 00:42:04

then explaining and connecting and

saying, yep, this is important to us.

709

: 00:42:08

This is what we want to offer our kids.

710

: 00:42:10

You may not agree with it.

711

: 00:42:12

You may, may not feel that, but

for us, this is really important.

712

: 00:42:15

So it's having that respect.

713

: 00:42:18

And, just keep working with it, we have

to express anything that we hold back,

714

: 00:42:22

it's being felt anyway, then you feel

the tension and especially in relation

715

: 00:42:25

of talking about anxiety and stress,

well, that just accumulates then.

716

: 00:42:31

Sam Eddy: Absolutely.

717

: 00:42:32

And I think also, it's good to

know, especially with close family

718

: 00:42:35

relationships, they can be the toughest to

deal with because we have a lot of history

719

: 00:42:41

with someone, especially our parents, and

we value their opinion on many levels,

720

: 00:42:46

but so when we disagree, it can be hard.

721

: 00:42:48

And I think it's good just to be

aware of the stress and it's great

722

: 00:42:52

that the questioner is aware of this

stress because at least you're, okay,

723

: 00:42:56

this is a stressful thing for me.

724

: 00:42:58

And so it's always good to try

and address these things with your

725

: 00:43:02

parents in, in your calmer moments.

726

: 00:43:05

So if you are able to, you know, you're

doing a meditation or you've just done

727

: 00:43:09

some exercise and then you're feeling

calm, perhaps the kids are in bed, you

728

: 00:43:13

might have a conversation over the phone

or you might talk about it outside of a

729

: 00:43:18

situation, so if you're around your mum,

for example, and she's telling your kids

730

: 00:43:23

to do one thing and you're trying to

tell them to do another, it's harder to

731

: 00:43:27

have a successful outcome if you address

it in the moment of a tense situation.

732

: 00:43:31

If you're able to have the confidence

and do this when you are feeling

733

: 00:43:35

calmer, the outcomes are usually more

productive and there's less chance

734

: 00:43:39

that people will take it personally.

735

: 00:43:43

There's also another question, Katie,

that I thought we could try and squeeze

736

: 00:43:47

in, and I missed it before, so apologies,

but it's another great question.

737

: 00:43:53

And it's around, how do you

not take on too much work in

738

: 00:43:55

the corporate environment?

739

: 00:43:57

And how do you tell your boss

that you've got too much work on

740

: 00:44:01

without looking lazy or unambitious?

741

: 00:44:04

I think it's such a good question.

742

: 00:44:06

Katie Walls: Yeah, I, I, yeah, absolutely.

743

: 00:44:08

And then it just, it just keeps

going and going because there's

744

: 00:44:11

so much, um, that corporations are

being asked to complete now, even in

745

: 00:44:16

relation to policies and procedures

of, of best practices, et cetera.

746

: 00:44:20

So, you know, we are going to keep

expanding in relation to that.

747

: 00:44:23

And there's so much that we can do.

748

: 00:44:25

I find what's really helpful with

that is that, um, you know, you're

749

: 00:44:29

not wanting to compromise your

quality of what you're delivering.

750

: 00:44:33

And it does get that point

where we can do so much and

751

: 00:44:35

then the quality is compromised.

752

: 00:44:37

So again, it's no different to what we

were saying before about appreciating

753

: 00:44:41

what is being offered with the parenting

from different generations and then

754

: 00:44:46

further developing what's needed now.

755

: 00:44:50

And this is no different to that.

756

: 00:44:52

It's saying, okay, this, if I can take

that on, but then I won't have the

757

: 00:44:56

time for this or the quality of that

may drop, or we might have to look

758

: 00:44:59

at who can support with this project

so that we're absolutely delivering

759

: 00:45:03

what's required with our organization

to the standard that we want to.

760

: 00:45:07

And you can only respect that if an

employee is coming to you that way,

761

: 00:45:11

you go, well, you know, they do care.

762

: 00:45:14

And again, it has to be legitimate

what you're saying in your

763

: 00:45:17

own way and in your own words.

764

: 00:45:19

Um, but if it's coming from, you

know, my objective here is, is that

765

: 00:45:23

we're consistent in our delivery

and the quality we're delivering and

766

: 00:45:27

not wanting to compromise, then it's

having those rational conversations

767

: 00:45:30

to say, there's so much so where,

where are you wanting me to focus?

768

: 00:45:34

What is the priority now?

769

: 00:45:35

If something else gets added, then, you

know, where's the priority of time, focus,

770

: 00:45:39

et cetera, and what other resources may

be needed so that there isn't a drop.

771

: 00:45:44

And by having those, because often

people don't know, I know I was working

772

: 00:45:47

with, um, a colleague and people

didn't realize how much she was doing.

773

: 00:45:51

And she was very, very capable

and she just keep doing it.

774

: 00:45:54

And then we had to recruit that role and

realizing how much she was actually doing.

775

: 00:45:59

We decided to split the job up into

two, um, you know, and, and you've

776

: 00:46:04

got to, we don't want, we don't

want our health to be affected.

777

: 00:46:07

I'm not saying it needs to get to

that stage, but often it is, um, the

778

: 00:46:11

same as what we're saying before is

explaining, giving an understanding,

779

: 00:46:15

giving a broad view and then going, we

want to be consistent with our quality

780

: 00:46:19

and then respect comes from that.

781

: 00:46:21

Sam Eddy: That's such good advice.

782

: 00:46:22

And I, I was just going to add, I always

like to provide the whole picture,

783

: 00:46:27

to, a boss or my manager, whoever it

may be, just so, just so that they

784

: 00:46:32

know what you're passionate about.

785

: 00:46:34

So, often when people find themselves,

they've got too much on, when

786

: 00:46:39

they finally have the courage to

have a conversation, and it can be

787

: 00:46:41

a hard conversation, we just tend

to focus on what isn't working.

788

: 00:46:46

If you enjoy your job, and you may enjoy

certain parts of it, or some parts of it,

789

: 00:46:51

it's always good to talk about, well, I

really love the role, this works great.

790

: 00:46:55

Um, you know, I love to be able to do

this task, and this part of the role.

791

: 00:47:00

And so you're really showing your passion

for being in the business, your passion

792

: 00:47:03

for your work, but you're also being

really clear that, well, I actually can't

793

: 00:47:08

do both of these things at the same time.

794

: 00:47:11

Um, and then you often

push it back onto them.

795

: 00:47:13

What do you think?

796

: 00:47:14

Which one is the most important?

797

: 00:47:15

Which one should we focus on first?

798

: 00:47:18

So you're being really clear, you're

being really confident, you're

799

: 00:47:20

showing your passion for the business.

800

: 00:47:23

You're also showing a really good

understanding of what you're doing

801

: 00:47:25

because you're clear on what the

timeframes are with each piece of

802

: 00:47:29

work, for example, they're getting

the whole picture of who you are.

803

: 00:47:33

Um, and, and that's really

important when, when some bosses

804

: 00:47:36

are less compromising than others.

805

: 00:47:38

But if they're seeing that you're

passionate about what you're doing, but

806

: 00:47:41

you're also really clear on what you can

and can't do, you're coming from a really

807

: 00:47:44

strong position and, um, bosses tend

to then not take anything personally.

808

: 00:47:49

Unfortunately, bosses like all of us

have egos and don't always make the

809

: 00:47:53

right choice sometimes, as we all do,

but the more you're presenting it, the

810

: 00:47:57

full picture of what you're enjoying

about your job, what you love, you're

811

: 00:48:01

bringing your full self to the meeting

and then you, you're more likely to

812

: 00:48:04

get, again, get an outcome that is

favourable to you and who knows what

813

: 00:48:08

opportunities it might lead to as well.

814

: 00:48:10

We often forget to talk about what

we're passionate about at work,

815

: 00:48:13

so these conversations initially

just sort of reduce your workload

816

: 00:48:17

can have really positive outcomes.

817

: 00:48:21

Absolutely.

818

: 00:48:23

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