What happens when the “fun adult” becomes the one making the rules?

Andrea Marie sits down with comedian Monica Nevi to talk about standup, stepparenting, and the moment a harmless joke turns into a call from the teacher.

They get into becoming a stepmom in real time, why some kids need more structure than you think, and what it looks like to parent without yelling (in theory vs reality).

Follow Monica Levi:

• Instagram: @monicanevi
• YouTube: @monicanevi
• Website: monicanevicomedy.com

Follow Moms Unhinged:

• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MomsUnhingedComedy
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/momsunhingedcomedy
• Website: https://momsunhinged.com/

My son is 11 now.

Is that too old to believe in Santa Claus?

Some people say, see, it's maybe right on the edge.

I don't know.

Some people say no, I don't know.

All I know is it's not our job to tell him That's some dickhead at school's job.

It's not us.

I thought last year was gonna be the year he came home from school and he

was like, my friend at school said she doesn't believe in Santa Claus,

and I was like, oh, here we go.

I said, well, what do you think about that?

He said, I don't think we can be friends anymore.

We are Moms Unhinged, a nationally touring standup comedy show.

Join us in our podcast as we explore everything from motherhood,

midlife, crisis, marriage, divorce, online dating, menopause, and

other things that irritate us.

Hello everyone and welcome to Mom's Unhinged, the podcast.

I'm your host, Andrea Marie, and I'm here with the incredible,

the amazing Monica Nevi.

She's done so much.

She's got two albums, two comedy specials.

She tours all over the country.

She's one of our Seattle based Moms Unhinged comedians.

Welcome Monica.

Thank you for having me.

Hello everyone.

Hello everybody.

I know, it's so fun.

I just ran into someone I hadn't seen at my gym in a little

while, and she's like, Hey.

And I was like, Hey, what's going on?

She's like, I feel like I kinda know more about you.

I listen to the podcast and I'm always like, oh, oh, that's funny.

Tell me something about you now.

What's going on?

going on

that is, you're like, hey, You got to know the secrets.

What is this?

I know, I know my deepest, darkest, embarrassing moments.

So good.

So Monica, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Just share with the audience, like how, tell us about your comedy journey.

Like how did you get started doing comedy?

Yeah, that's a great question.

It actually doesn't really make sense, I guess.

But

I started standup when I was 20.

Okay.

In college still, so junior.

Before that I was an athlete.

I played basketball in college and, then I got hurt and couldn't play anymore.

And I had been writing jokes.

I come from a very funny family.

They're just, I love comedy.

Growing up I watched a lot of standup, just 'cause I liked it.

I think I started writing jokes when I was like 18.

And then, yeah, when I couldn't play anymore, I decided let's try standup,

which I guess doesn't [make sense].

No, but you know, the nice thing is I just thought of that is like, you don't,

there's not a lot of comedy injuries, you know, it's not like we're getting

injured and taken out from this activity.

Yeah, That's fair.

So, sports, you know, that's harder on your body maybe.

That is kind of a random thing to go into.

Yeah, it doesn't like, I don't know, maybe not.

I don't know.

Personality wise, I was pretty quiet.

Like, I definitely have always been funny, but it was like only

to like people who were closer.

Not, I wasn't class clown necessarily or anything like that.

And so then I went to an open mic, lied about my age and

how many people I brought.

I didn't bring anybody because I just wanted to see, I didn't want people

to be there for the first time.

You know, like that would be, and that's what clubs, if people don't

know when you first start, you're supposed to like bring six people.

Bring people.

Yeah.

I told 'em that I brought four and I brought zero.

They're probably like, we know everyone here.

We know you didn't bring anybody.

Yeah, exactly.

It was good, it wasn't a resolution, but I did start in January and that's actually

a good time to start because a lot of people do, like the resolution is to do

standup and so they'll bring people, and so you actually get more of like a real

audience for an open mic than normal.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Probably helped quite a bit.

Yeah, I went and watched one and then the next week.

Did it and it went well.

And I still wonder if it didn't go well the first time, would I have kept doing

it or you know, like, I don't know.

I mean, I watch people who are not good at standup all the time

and I don't know how they do it.

Yeah.

It's funny, some people are not good for a long time.

I mean, it takes a long time to get good, but sometimes

people are like, I'm like, wow.

You're taking a little longer.

Yeah, there's a slower ramp.

There's a ramp that you're on.

Yeah, I would, I used to be probably more judgmental, but now

I'm like, that's gotta take a lot of mental fortitude to keep going.

If it's not really going well, I don't know.

And not that, I mean, everyone gets better.

Hopefully.

I hope I'm still getting better and I would cringe, I'm sure

at those first few months.

But it felt good at the time and so it kept going.

And obviously there was moments that were not.

Right.

Good either, but it was, yeah.

And then for the next two years, 'cause I was still in school and finishing my

degree, I was working, I was doing standup quite a bit, but less than, you know, the

grind, do it every night kind of thing.

'Cause yeah, I was still finishing my degree and still with the team.

Actually, I was interning even I couldn't play.

Okay.

Yeah, So you got a lot going on.

Yeah.

And then I think it was like four years in.

I'm outta school.

I'm working for a boys and girls club and doing standup all the time.

And at that point I had to start, Tuesday nights were the night that I

would not go do standup, because if I did then I was always working like every

night of the week and I was too tired.

So then at the end of that year, like September of 2016.

Yeah.

So it was like, no, 2015, I quit my job and went on tour for three months

and then moved to LA for three years.

That is awesome.

That is so great.

So you moved to LA for three years.

That's, that is commitment.

Yeah, it was an interesting, I think it was good for me, regardless of standup.

Because I hadn't never lived, I'm from the Seattle area.

I went to school at Seattle University.

You know, I kind of just have always been here.

So it was a good experience to live somewhere else.

And also like I learned a lot about the business and the industry and,

I think it helped me decide what I want my career to look like.

I think a lot of standups feel like you have to do certain things or you have

to move a certain place, or you have to have it, you know, look a certain way.

At the time.

I mean, having a family was like, don't do that.

That's gonna ruin your career.

You know, things like that.

And so I was able to learn what I could do and that it's really up to

you to kind of structure your career the way that you want it and that

having a family was totally possible.

And COVID kind of helped with all of that too, for a lot of us, I think.

And then, yeah, in 2019 is when technically I wasn't living anywhere.

I was on the road so much and I was like, subletting my apartment in LA so

eventually I just got rid of it and then was basically on the road all the time.

But if I did have breaks, I would come up here to the northwest where my

family is, and then that's when I met my now wife, Erin, during that time.

So, yeah, now we live up here.

Now, if I remember right, did you meet your wife?

While you were doing standup?

Yeah, yeah.

Yes, she was.

Look, I'm trying to get some gender equity in this business.

You know, the guys were always hitting on the wait staff.

I never was, but the one waitress I ever hung out with, I ended up marrying.

So, yeah.

yeah, she was a server at a comedy club.

Yeah, it felt like eight years in.

I should probably date a server I guess.

I don't know.

Yeah, she's no longer.

She doesn't work at the comedy club anymore, but yeah, that's how we met.

And she was best friends with my college agent at the time, and, she was like, oh,

I think you guys would like each other.

That's so great.

I love that.

I love that.

Now you are a stepmom.

Yeah, yeah.

So that is amazing because your wife was married before.

Wasn't married, but yeah.

Had a child a previous relationship and he was five when I started coming around.

So I do, sometimes I feel like I missed out on baby stuff.

Like I don't really know a ton of parenting from a baby

and toddler perspective.

And when I worked with kids it was, you know, five to 12 anyways.

So pretty good with that range.

But yeah, it was so interesting.

I mean, obviously my life changed pretty drastically anyways to be from

like single on the road all the time to, in a relationship with a child

and, you know, home then, 'cause COVID.

I moved in with them in January 2020.

Wow.

Everything changed.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Your world, their world, every, all the worlds.

Definitely.

Yeah, it was.

So then what worked out best, 'cause our job became illegal and understandably

so but we, I was only doing stuff online, you know, over Zoom or whatever.

And then, luckily Erin was working at a bank and so she could keep her job,

which was good for us at the time.

But I then did all the remote learning with him.

Man.

It went from me being like this fun friend that hangs around and stuff,

and then, okay, we are moving into the teacher and the authority figure really.

And we spent more time together.

I've spent more time with him in anyone probably in the past seven years.

So just because of the schedule, you know,

even now I'm available during the day.

Luckily, Erin's moved into large scale event production, which

is awesome, but she is able to be remote a lot in his home.

So we actually get to be with him like most of the time, which is awesome.

Well, that's great.

But I really accelerated our relationship.

I mean, it was, I think, respects me as a parent and it feels a lot.

I'm very involved.

I mean, I know that can be a choice when you're a stepparent.

You know.

Mm-hmm.

How much you and your partner want you to be involved.

And it probably helps that the mother is also on my side of the things, you know,

so that moms are just more in tune, I guess, with the kid and more involved.

That's just how it goes.

Yeah, it seems so I've also been on that kind of path, but I know there's

a lot of ways to be a stepparent.

It seems like being a stepdad would be the easiest.

I think being a dad in general.

Yeah, yeah.

They really have a fun time over there.

Easier you're gonna be a dad, be a stepdad.

It's a vibe for sure.

No, we have fun.

But yeah, I'm just very involved.

Yeah, that's huge.

You had to really jump into the deep end with this like so quickly and

like, what were some of the initial challenges you were feeling with that?

If you, you know, think back to that time.

Was it hard to, like, I mean, 'cause obviously you were already

coming around him, you kind of knew his personality, but did you find

any deeper challenges with that?

Yeah, I'd say, some of the parenting structure, that wasn't up to me, I

would've done differently, not in like a crazy way or anything, but

like stuff around screens or like, you know, I was an athlete and my

wife's background is musical theater.

And so, we just had diff, you know, we'd go and play.

I'd make sure our structure of the day.

Like we would still go out and do PE time and we'd play and stuff, and I was

very adamant about never letting him win.

I don't want this ego inflated.

I don't know, it's probably whatever.

So I wasn't like trying to kick his ass all the time, but just happened.

Yeah, it was just like, we're gonna play to have fun and if you get a

bad attitude, then I'm not gonna play, you know, things like that.

So there was certain stuff, and I totally get that from a single mother's

perspective of being like, I want him to be so happy and, you baby him a little

bit and that's absolutely understandable.

But I wasn't gonna do that.

So there was definitely things we had to like work through on that part.

I didn't, I also didn't want him to think like, oh, you're, I'm

just being mean or something.

Yeah.

These are the reasons.

I'm very, because of the background with the youth development programs and stuff.

One, I'm not really a loud person anyways.

I'm just pretty chill and, never yell.

I don't find it effective, but that was something that I had at work.

So it was very much like, if we needed discipline, come

over, let's talk about it.

Let's figure it out together.

And that's always been, my approach with him as well.

And I think Erin's on the same page.

So getting him used to like, oh, you're not in trouble.

You know, come, let's come figure it out.

Let's figure out what's best.

Or I can tell you why this is making me feel annoyed, really, is what it is.

But you know, when you're being a poor sport and we're playing, you know,

soccer in the apartment buildings driveway, it's not that big a deal.

You know, that kind of thing.

So, some of that stuff had to be just how we communicate.

That he wasn't, you know, he'd been yelled at in other places and

really didn't respond well to that.

And so I needed him to know like, this is what's up.

You can always be honest and we are gonna be very structured.

I think he thrives in structure.

So I take him to school in the morning, we do the, I make him breakfast, I

wake him up, I take him to school.

As soon as we get home, we do whatever homework we have to right away.

And then he can do his screen times or whatever, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

Consistency is really good for him.

But at first was he was like, what the hell is this?

You know, like, is this, like, I'm just gonna on the tablet at 5:30.

Mom?

30 in the morning.

I'm like, mm, no, we're not gonna do that, yeah.

Oh yeah.

That is hard.

So it sounds like you're more of the, I don't know, or do you feel

like you're more the disciplinarian?

I don't even know.

Yeah.

It's hard to say it in that term, I guess, just because.

For the most part, he's a really good kid.

And that is our one rule is as long as you're honest, everybody makes mistakes.

But as long as you're honest, then there's not really a repercussion, I guess.

But I feel like we're on the same page.

But yes, I am the one that kind of sets more rules.

More boundaries.

Yeah.

Sometimes that's kind of a bonding moment for them.

They're very close.

I mean, she was 20 when she had him, so still growing up herself,

and they kind of went through a lot of hard things together.

So they're very bonded, which is great.

But then, you know, so I'm like, Hey, let's not eat popcorn on the couch.

Yeah.

And then they're annoyed.

They're both annoyed by that.

I know, what is rule?

And then I go to work and I come back and they're eating popcorn on the couch.

You know, it's kind of that, and I'm like, all right, that's fine.

I don't really, it doesn't really bother me, but I'm like, okay, if you spill,

you guys gotta clean it up, you know?

But, so yeah, I'm definitely a little bit more strict in that way,

but honestly, I'm so weird and so goofy and not afraid to like, joke

around with him and his friends too.

So there's a good balance of like, okay, there are rules,

but she's fun to be around.

We can have fun.

Yeah.

Fun too.

Yeah, that's awesome.

That's awesome.

And now how old is he now?

12.

12.

Middle school, puberty time.

Ooh, yeah.

Yeah.

And he we got in the car this morning and I was like, what

didn't you shower last night?

Like, what is happening?

I know.

And it's either like, yeah, it's like way smelly or too much Axe

body spray or whatever it might be.

It's like, yikes.

I imagine that's just gotta be, I think parenting is challenging at any

point, but coming in, you know, into a already connected situation, I think

probably just has its own experience.

Yeah, he was really, and I don't know if this is how all kids are,

but he was really protective of her.

Not in like a, he wasn't mean to me or anything, but you could tell kind of like.

I don't wanna share.

Yeah.

At first he was just excited I think, 'cause she had never dated anyone that

she brought over.

So he had never like, met anyone and didn't remember his parents together.

Yeah.

I think he was also reacting to her being happier.

Mm-hmm.

Then maybe she had

been.

So he was excited I was there, but he also still needed me to know that she is his.

And I was like, it man.

I get it.

He also, I mean, now he's probably equally as protective of me, so that's nice.

But yeah, when we first started dating, 'cause he would come in our room in

the morning every morning, and when we first started, I would wake up

and his face was like right here.

And he's like hey.

I know.

I'm like, oh.

I know it's a lot.

It's a lot.

Then he'd try to get on my side and every morning Erin would

go, no, Lyndon, come over here.

You know?

And so then he, we'd cuddle with her and then we go about our day.

But he, I mean, he still, they both just aren't very good at waking up.

So I'm like the morning person that gets them up now.

Oh, that's fun.

Yeah, I'm sure there's obstacles no matter what coming in to a situation.

Yeah.

Well, that's, that's great that you've, sounds like you

really navigated it super well.

That's awesome.

I love that.

appreciate.

So one of the things I always love to ask is for an unhinged moment in

either your childhood or unhinged moment with your kid or whatever,

you know, whatever comes to mind.

So what is an unhinged moment so we can all feel a little

bit better about ourselves?

Oh my goodness.

It is a tough.

Like

One, he wants to be funny really badly.

Ah, yeah.

He's a funny kid, but it's never intentional, you know what I mean?

Like, , and so for a long time he would, I had this little joke book

that I, you know, dumb jokes for smart kids or something like this.

That I had.

So I gave it to him and he's like going through it and he would

try to read 'em at school and

Oh

He's like, nobody laughs I don't get it.

Like, no, I don't understand.

And I'm like, okay, how are you reading it?

And we're going through like, just the cadence

of certain jokes, you know, because he just reading it, you know, and

there wasn't a pause and stuff.

So we're working on the timing, you know, and he's like, okay, I didn't.

He really wanted to tell jokes in class, like all the time.

And so then I was like, all right, man, I don't, if it's not

working, you always can go farts.

You know, like kids, they're always gonna get a laugh, you know?

Farts are always funny, right?

And he's like, okay.

And he thought that was hilarious.

Right?

And then, it's going fine.

He is still like trying to tell, and he would bring it up all the time.

He is like, farts, farts work, you know?

And I'm like, yeah.

And so then he's got this little lamb that's like a, it's kind

of half blanket, half lamb.

So her head like really flops all around.

And so one night I was making her throw up basically like I was like putting

her head forward and then I was making like a vomiting sound, you know.

And we get a call from the teacher the next day.

She's like, I don't know what he's doing, but he's making like a vomiting sound in

the back of the classroom, like all day.

And I was like, oh.

I was like, that was me.

Sorry, that was me.

I didn't think to tell him like, 'cause he was laughing so hard, so I'm assuming

he was like, well, I wanna be funny.

That's funny.

I'm gonna start doing that.

Even though he didn't have the lamb in class, like he was just.

Just making the vomiting sound in the back of class all the time.

And I was like, Ooh, that's my bad.

Yeah, sorry about that.

That's hilarious.

Oh yeah.

You don't think about, I mean, yes they are little sponges or whatever,

but he can't remember anything.

You know, he forgets his stuff everywhere all the time.

whatever.

then as soon as you say something, he should not repeat.

Ooh.

Oh man.

That's what he remembers.

And you're like, oh, and we'll be somewhere.

And he's like, oh, but you said you hated that person.

And I'm like, not out loud to them?

No, no.

no I said.

Yeah.

I don't, with this time of his life,

you know, middle school is like, they're just now all into crushes

and who's going out and whatever.

And he loves the tea.

He loves and he'll come home and tell, oh, he thinks he's the matchmaker and stuff.

But I don't, and I think we're, you know, on par for maybe the first

little heartbreak here and I don't really know how to navigate it.

'Cause at that time, oh, the most unhinged you are is probably middle school.

I mean, you even make, it's not like you're not even making decisions.

Your emotion goes so much faster than your brain.

Yeah, yeah.

And you just don't know who

you are yet.

You're really kind of coming into this like, you know, just testing things out

like, and it is interesting at that time, and it's hard to, as a parent, it's hard

to like, support them during that time.

'cause it's like you don't know what

do.

Yeah.

Well that's, I was talking about this yesterday, but with my parents like.

You know, we had like instant messenger and like MySpace was probably like

just coming about when I was in middle school and high school, they

didn't, I was like, oh, my parents don't even know how to log into this.

They don't know how to do anything.

Right.

And I thought they were dumb, you know, like, oh, they're not

gonna figure out this technology.

And now as an adult I'm like, oh, I don't care to learn how to log into Minecraft

and see what you guys are saying.

Maybe I should, but I don't, you know.

He only plays for an hour a day, who cares?

But I'm sure there, I'm sure it's the same who likes who and they

kissed and that type of thing.

We had always joked,

yeah

that, you know, Erin's the theater nerd and we kind of want the nerdy

queer kids to feel safe at our house.

And boy did we get that.

I mean, all him and his friends are hanging out in the basement and

they're like, we're gonna perform a song from Hamilton for you guys.

Is that okay?

And we're like, sure.

That's awesome.

No, but it's lovely.

But, so that's like just learning what we're all into and at this time

where they're really figuring it out.

So one day they're, maybe they are oh, I'm gay, or I'm,

non-binary or something like that.

And then the next day that changes.

That's totally fine.

But right now, and this is like, I'm a very progressive

liberal person, gentle parent.

But if one more of them changes their name, I am gonna lose my mind.

They're really changing their names.

All the time.

All the time.

Wow.

We have a friend that was Violet and then Rhythm, and now Emmy, and then

like, none of those are her actual name.

Like it's, which is fine, and I know because he wants to be

respectful of people's pronouns and your names and all that stuff.

He just changes it immediately.

So he's like, oh, I'm walking around with Emmy and I'm like,

oh, is this a new friend?

You know?

And then I'm like, wait, that's Rhythm.

You know, like everyone has.

Yesterday, he was like, oh, I'm at Safeway with Ember.

I was like,

Ember.

And I'm

like, who are these new friends?

It's the same person every time.

I can't.

I get, I don't know.

Yeah so they're all figuring themselves out, almost

literally what their names are.

And I'm like, I got.

Right.

I need to update each time, or can we have at least a time limit

on them or something, you know.

like,

Yeah.

Or at least, minimum you, if you're gonna do it, you got a minimum one week.

You've got to keep it, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

And I don't know how their teachers are down with all of that

. That's gotta be hard to keep track or are they, yeah 'cause are they

writing their different name?

I don't know.

yeah.

I don't know.

yeah.

I totally support them, figuring it all out and finding

out who they are and stuff.

He was in like fifth grade and he was like, oh, well my friend is aromantic

and asexual, and I was like, she's 10, so I think that's just being 10.

You know, like that's not, yeah.

That is a normal 10-year-old.

I was like, you don't have to figure it out right now.

You know?

was like okay.

I mean, I'm glad you guys know there's lots of different,

fluid spectrums and stuff.

Yes.

But you don't have to pick one, you know, you just see what's going on.

Yeah, yeah.

I was like, I think everyone is asexual.

Hopefully when they're 10.

And it comes and goes.

know that.

Absolutely.

You'll get back to it, don't worry.

Oh God.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

So what is the part you love

about comedy?

Just getting back to comedy, what do you love about traveling around doing comedy?

I love knowing that I'm funny all over the place.

That's really nice.

you know, I do love the travel.

That can also be the hard part, just kind of tiring and stuff.

But I, it's also at the moment like.

It feels very hopeful when I'm on stage with people I've never met in a

very divided time in maybe an area of the country that would not be excited

about Seattle and then we're all still laughing together and having a good

time and not worrying for a little bit.

That's really, really a no matter how much the travel is or how tired I am.

Once that's happening, you know, the actual doing the standup itself, and we're

all, I feel like we're a team a little bit, you know, like we're all the same

goal is to just have a good time for a second, and that's really, really fun.

Yeah.

And I think especially

now, it's such a wild time and I think people are coming out more to, I think

it's almost reminds me a little bit of COVID times after, you know, people

are like, we just need to laugh.

Let's just all laugh together 'cause we need

Yeah,

it.

That's always been kind of my, well, and I'm not really political

on stage really at all anyway, so it's not, you know, it's accessible.

I don't know, there was a little bit of pressure, I would say earlier in

my career, maybe like five years in.

So this was.

Yeah, probably 2016 ish.

Very like social justice heavy was a thing and you needed to be saying stuff.

And as a person in the gay community, I at times felt like maybe I wasn't

saying enough or standing up for us enough or something like that.

And, felt maybe inadequate, I guess.

In that regard, just because it was popular at the time.

And then something just hit me where I was like, well, the most important

part is that it's funny and actually it is still, you know, doing a service

or kind of giving a gift to let people not have to worry about whatever

they're worried about for a little bit.

You know?

So that's really become the goal is just I wanna distract you, I guess.

Well, and I think we can all just laugh about being, you know,

what it is to be human, you know?

I mean like, it doesn't have to be political.

It can be like, Hey, we're all humans together.

Which is why farts always works.

You know.

Farts.

I so agree.

I think farts are hilarious.

I think they're very underrated.

Really getting a bad rap, fart.

I know.

No, but that, stand up, it's supposed to be relatable and so that's relatable.

Yeah, It's awesome.

We all fart, right?

I think I'm pretty sure.

It's just the moral of my standup journey now.

It's like just always bring it back to farts.

I don't know.

That is so awesome.

Well, Monica, this has been so fun.

It's been so great to talk to you.

Why don't you let people know where they can find you, follow you, all that stuff.

We'll have all these links in the show notes, but share where

people can get connected to you.

Love that.

Yeah.

Everything is my name for the most part.

Like @monicanevy, on the Instagram and Facebook, those things.

And my website is monicanevicomedy.com and that will have my tour

dates, that are usually updated.

They are currently.

And then, also links to my specials and albums and stuff like that,

if you wanna check those out.

Yeah.

My first special is called Big Stepdad Energy.

And

then I did a second special that's only Christmas jokes.

But I think it's good all year round, you know?

But one's called Jokes for the Holidays.

Those are both available on YouTube, so you can go hear the actual

standup and the, I mean, you know, parenting is gonna creep into your

standup no matter what, a lot.

Right.

of it, especially right now, the new stuff.

Yeah, come see me on the road.

I'm gonna film.

Some new specials this year.

So, it's all different stuff than you would've seen on the specials and it's

been really fun to develop and yeah, now be a middle school mom, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

Always so much material.

Definitely.

Well, thank you so much, Monica.

Thanks everybody.

Thank you.

Thanks for listening and make sure you subscribe, share, and follow us on

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