Shownotes
What happens when you survive something life-changing but no longer recognize the person you were before? On The Soul Mirror Podcast hosted by Shreya, Jennifer White shares her journey of waking from a coma, relearning basic skills, and rebuilding life after brain surgery.
This episode is for anyone navigating loss, invisible struggles, emotional exhaustion, or a quiet identity shift. Jennifer opens up about depression, recovery, spirituality, writing as healing, and learning to embrace a completely new version of herself with patience and grace.
About the Guest:
Jennifer White is a retired RN, brain tumor surgery survivor, and author of medical thrillers and children’s books. After waking from a coma in 2024, writing became a powerful part of her emotional and cognitive healing journey.
Episode Chapters:
- 00:01 – Waking up from a coma
- 04:50 – Letting go of the old self
- 07:13 – Spiritual rebirth after trauma
- 10:19 – The emotional side of recovery
- 14:39 – Dreaming again after survival
- 17:50 – Writing as a healing practice
- 20:01 – Navigating the hardest days
Key Takeaways:
- Invisible struggles deserve compassion and rest
- Healing is emotional, not just physical
- Small daily steps create meaningful recovery
- Writing and creativity can reconnect lost parts of self
- Self-care sometimes means slowing down completely
How to Connect With the Guest:
Website: Jenny White
Children’s Books: https://molsonjennyadventures.ca
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Transcripts
00:00:08 Shreya: welcome to the podcast, the show where we look honestly at patterns, the breaks, and the quiet truths that shape who we become. I'm your host, Shreya, and today I'm in conversation with Jenny White. Jenny is a retired RN and a brain tumor surgery survivor. In January twenty twenty four, she woke up from a coma and had to relearn how to walk, think and speak. As part of her recovery, she started writing, which slowly began to bring memories back and lead her to reinvent herself entirely. She is now an author of medical thrillers and children's books. She still lives with challenges most people can't see, like depression, word finding difficulties, exhaustion, and more. And today, with such generosity, she is here to share the journey, the struggles, the triumphs, and the will to keep going. So welcome, Jenny. I'm honored to have you on my show.
00:01:04 Jennifer White: Oh, thanks so much for having me. It's an honor.
00:01:08 Shreya: Thank you so much, Jennifer. Be here. And I just want to quickly give a disclaimer to my listeners. There are some statements reflect personal beliefs and experiences and are presented as individual views, not as medical advice. So listeners should consult qualified professionals for medical conditions.
00:01:28 Shreya: And with that, Jenny, before we step into the deeper parts of your story, I want to start somewhere small. So when you think about a quite ordinary moment from your life now, the kind of moment that you. You would not have meant much before, but it means something now. Uh, what comes to mind?
00:01:49 Jennifer White: Well, I think the first thing that comes to mind for me is gratitude. Um, you know, we're so busy living our lives and trying to get from point A to point B and get things accomplished and, you know, deal with our families and situations that arise. And we often forget to be grateful for everything that we do have.
00:02:14 Shreya: Yes. Thank you for sharing this. And, um, also, there is a misconception people carry about transformation after trauma, uh, that it eventually arrives at a moment where you are back to yourself. And I sense from your story that the truth is much more layered than that. So what is the biggest misunderstanding you have come across about what recovery actually looks like.
00:02:40 Jennifer White: Well, you know, as nurses, we're trained to look at the whole person, which includes their emotional feelings, their spiritual feelings, their interactions with their families and that kind of thing. When a person looks well, we assume they're well. But when you have challenges, like you've had brain surgery and nobody can see your scars or nobody can see some of the challenges that you have, they assume that you're working at one hundred percent and the reality is you're probably not. For myself, one of the things that was a huge change was my personality. I actually changed personalities. So some of the things that I used to enjoy doing before, like sewing and quilting and, and, you know, doing things in the community. That all stopped and I had to try and understand why that had stopped. So when you have brain surgery and your brain has to be manipulated, moved around a little bit to access whatever they're trying to fix, brains don't like to be touched. And as a result, you can have loss of some brain function. For me, I struggle some days with finding words and putting complete sentences together, and that is incredibly frustrating. But I've come to realize that it's a temporary thing and that I can learn to work around it. As for things like depression, you don't see depression necessarily. Some people do show signs of physical depression in that they're sleeping a lot or they're not taking care of themselves. Those are clues to family members that somebody is not well. But overall, if you get dressed every day and you put your makeup on and you show up, it doesn't mean that you're not depressed inside and struggling.
00:04:50 Shreya: And when did you personally start letting go of the version of, uh, of recovery you thought you were, you were heading towards? Like, when did you start that?
00:05:02 Jennifer White: Well, as soon as I woke up from my coma, I was in an ICU and I was looking around and I realized I had been tied to the bed because I was trying to rip off all the medical equipment that they had attached to me. When I looked around, there was a man standing there in street clothes, and I didn't recognize him as my husband, but he was, um, so that was an immediate sense of, uh, oh, I have a problem because I don't know who that is, but the nurse inside of me knew that if he was at my bedside in an ICU, he was someone that was important to me that I should know.
00:05:45 Shreya: Yeah, I think that's such an honest answer. Like we were taught to chase the old self, like it's still waiting somewhere. But sometimes the work is not returning to who we are. It is meeting who have become.
00:06:01 Jennifer White: Absolutely. And it's two years since I've had my surgery now and I'm still figuring it all out. Um, I really had to understand and let go of my old self because I couldn't go back. I could only go forward. Now, as I'm writing, memories as a nurse are coming back. But some of my memories of, you know, previous events with family, previous trips that I took, they're gone. And, um, you know, for now anyway, they may come back as things continue to be triggered. And it's a journey. And I've had to accept that it's a journey and I've had to be patient with myself. And I've tried to just focus on one foot in front of the other going forward from now on.
00:06:52 Shreya: I'm also like, stay with that for a moment. Like underneath the medical part of your journey, like the surgery, the coma, the relearning, there is a deeper, quieter layer that doesn't show up on the chart like what was happening inside you, beneath the surface of recovery that you didn't see coming.
00:07:13 Jennifer White: Well, I'm glad you asked that because really, I had almost what I would call a spiritual rebirth. So the first thing that I, I acknowledged was that I didn't have control over what was happening to me. There was a higher power somewhere. And it doesn't matter what you call them or what your belief system is, there is something out there in the universe that oversees everything. And so I found a way through meditation and through spirituality to reconnect with my higher Self, which which to me is the universe guiding me. And so one of the things that I did was I found some ways to help me meditate. And as I gave myself permission to go back to like dreaming like a kid, like a five year old, I gave myself the opportunity to discover things that were appeared to bring me joy, things that I had always craved but never really strived for. Things like trying things that were out of my comfort zone, learning new things. I was never an author before and, um. excuse me and my speech therapist when I was learning how to speak, they suggested that because I wasn't able to verbalize very well that I try writing. And so I started writing down feelings and that started triggering memories. And that started a journey towards something better.
00:08:57 Shreya: And, uh, like, was there a particular moment when you realized that, uh, the inner journey was going to be longer and bigger than the physical one?
00:09:07 Jennifer White: Well, fairly quickly actually, because as I realized, I, I couldn't just automatically walk out of my bed and down the hall, but it actually took significant effort and support. I realized, okay, yeah, I've got a problem. And because I didn't recognize my spouse, I knew that that was a problem too. And so my expectation Uh, being the old Jenny back was gone and I thought to myself, okay, well, I've been given a clean slate to try again. So if I could have anything that I wanted, what would it be? And that was when I started dreaming about being an author, writing stories that would impact people. Being a speaker, to have discussions with people, to make them start thinking and providing hope to people that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
00:10:07 Shreya: I think that lands deeply like the body has a recovery timeline. Doctors can measure that and the self has a timeline only you can feel. And I think those two timelines almost never matches.
00:10:19 Jennifer White: Sometimes you're right, they're completely separate. You know, as a nurse, I've watched patients suffer with different disease processes, and I've seen some just give up and they tend to pass away quickly. I've seen other people who are strong willed, who choose to believe that they're going to get better, and they do. And I believe there's a strong mind body connection there. Now my body is pretty much back to normal. I mean, I can walk, I can run, I can, I can talk now. Um, I could do most of the things that I did before. But from an emotional standpoint, I'm still recovering. And so what I do is every day I try and do something in the direction of my dream. Every day I'm grateful that I'm, you know, alive and able to make my own choices every day. I celebrate the small wins. And when I come across challenges and there will always be challenges and circumstances I choose to believe that I have the power to overcome them. And I think that's a huge piece of of recovery.
00:11:41 Shreya: Yes. And also, um, I want to bring this into everyday life. Like you have said, there are challenges. People can't see the depression, the word finding, the exhaustion. Walk me through what an ordinary day actually looks like and what people on the outside completely miss about what you are navigating underneath.
00:12:03 Jennifer White: You have to take care of yourself. So for myself, I make sure that, you know, I eat small, frequent meals. That keeps me energized. When I'm tired, I rest. And if that means having to reschedule part of my day, I give myself permission to do that because I know that if I allow myself to get exhausted, then it takes much longer to recover. So I do everything sort of in baby steps, for lack of a better word. I choose to work first thing in the morning when I'm fresh, and then I give myself permission to have an afternoon nap. And, you know, that allows me to be up a little bit later at night and engage with my family. And that's important, too.
00:12:52 Shreya: And how has that invisible layer changed the way you understand other people's struggles, like the ones we can't see in, in, in them?
00:13:03 Jennifer White: Well, it gives you great empathy because when people say they're exhausted, there's different types of exhaustion in a way. There's the exhaustion that if you go to sleep, it will, it will, you will bounce back. Then there's the exhaustion of your body just trying to put itself back together. And it feels like it's just the life being sucked right out of you. And a lot of cancer patients who are under treatment feel that way. I can totally relate. Now, as a nurse, you know, I always encourage self care and to give themselves permission to do whatever they needed to do to keep going. Now I really understand when exhaustion hits, it really is life gutting. It really just you just want to curl up in a ball and just collapse. And no amount of sleep seems to allow you to keep going. So it's a totally different feeling.
00:14:07 Shreya: I think that's that's such an important truth. Also, like so much of what we carry is invisible to everyone except us. And the people who have lived through that kind of inner weight tend to see other humans more clearly than anyone else you do.
00:14:24 Jennifer White: It really does give you a different perspective. Um, we could talk a little bit about some of the things that I did to try and, um, reinvent myself if that would be helpful.
00:14:36 Shreya: Yes, yes we can.
00:14:39 Jennifer White: Okay. So the first thing that I would suggest people do, and, um, again, my therapist had a great idea when they said, go back and dream. Put yourself back in your five year old self. Or if you can't remember what your five year old self is, consider yourself a five year old and just dream. One of the things that we forget to do as we grow older and get into society and social systems, there's expectations as to how much dreaming you could do. And what I would suggest is give yourself permission to think outside the box. Think about anything you've ever dreamed of. For example, you know you see a sports car driving by. Oh, I would love to have that sports car. Well, that's a dream that you can make possible if you put together a plan. So when I started dreaming, I dreamt I wanted to be a best selling author of medical thrillers because I had my nursing background, which was something that was inherent in me. And it's all coming back now. And I had taken some courses on writing to learn how to write properly. So that's what I did. So once I figured out what my dream was, I decided to, uh, create a vision board. So you may have heard about vision boards, but there's other ways to, to make a vision, but have a very clear idea of what you want, whether it's a role, whether it's a thing, whether it's, you know, a big house or giving back to people, make sure you're very clear about what you want and then craft a plan and literally craft a plan. Take a piece of paper and write down what are all the steps that I would need to take to get to the end result? Now you're only going to do little tiny things every day. It doesn't have to be a huge shift, and you don't even have to tell anybody. You can create this world in your mind. So if you're surrounded by people who say, no, you have to keep that job because it's a good income, well keep the job until you get to a point where opportunities have arisen that you can change that job, and you do that by taking baby steps. It's exploring maybe a different kind of job, a different profession. It's learning about it. It's taking courses. It's, you know, it's whatever it takes to get to know that dream and then, you know, enjoy the successes, Enjoy the accomplishments at the end of every day. And that's one thing that I'm grateful for is that I reflect back on my day and I think, yeah, I got this done today, or I contacted so-and-so today and they led me to this or I, you know, I signed up for a course or I, you know, whatever it is that that takes you towards that dream.
00:17:50 Shreya: Thank you for sharing this. It's really, um, I think it's, it will, it will really help my listeners. And also writing seems to have played a role in your healing, like both bringing memories back and helping you reinvent yourself. So for someone listening who is in their own version of starting over, whether after illness or loss or any kind of breaking, what is one practice or small step that genuinely helped you finding your footing again?
00:18:22 Jennifer White: Well, when I first realized that I had to recreate myself, um, I just took the time to explore, for lack of a better word. So as I started putting the memories down and they started coming back, I thought, okay, well, this is a strategy that's working for me. Um, for other people, it might be just reaching out and asking for help. It could be, you know, finding someone who listens to you and your fears and your struggles without judging you, but allows you to, to get some dialogue going about what you know, what else you can do. So a lot of it is just realizing that you have the power to do the change. You don't have to do it all at once. It can take years and that's fine, but you just need to define what you want and figure out how you're going to get there. And again, you're the one in control.
00:19:30 Shreya: Yes. I think that that's really beautiful, that the smallest practices often carry us further than the big resolutions. And also, healing is not always a straight line. There are days that feel like progress and days that feel like the rug is being pulled out again. So when you hit one of those harder days, the depression, the exhaustion, the moment of is this still my life? Like, how do you keep going without losing your sense of self?
00:20:01 Jennifer White: Perfect example. This past weekend. Um, we're taping this on a Monday. Well, the past weekend I was tired and I just rescheduled everything that I had scheduled for the weekend and I gave myself permission to just crash. And I literally spent the weekend in bed and I gave myself permission. My husband knows when I'm tired that that's the only thing that's going to work for me. And I had the ability to do that, and I allowed myself to do that. And I think, again, it goes back to self-care. What works for you. And it's going to be different for every single person. The other thing I want to mention is when circumstances arise or you find yourself stuck in a circumstance, remember this, that circumstances are temporary and that yes, they may feel overwhelming at the moment, but you can ask for help through whoever your higher power is. You know, I'm going to need some help on this. I need you to help me navigate the next couple of days. And I think you'll find that the universe answers and brings ideas to your mind that will allow you to rejuvenate yourself.
00:21:18 Shreya: Thank you for sharing this. I think that that reframe is so powerful. Like the hard days are not proof of you have stopped healing. They are often are where the deepest part of the healing is happening. And also for someone listening right now who is in the middle of their own quiet, rebuild after illness after loss, after a version of life that ended without their permission, and they are not sure who they are becoming yet. So what would you want them to hear today?
00:21:48 Jennifer White: Just that there's hope that again, you're in control and that you get to make the decisions. So if you're feeling, uh, stuck or you're feeling unwell or you're feeling sad, remember that it's a temporary thing that as long as you put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, find things that bring you joy. Find things that are self-healing, things like Meditation, things like good friends, things like music that can shift your mood. Any tool that you can use a walk in the forest, I do that often. I also turn on music quite a bit, and I find my music will shift my mood significantly. So try different tools, see what works for you and keep them in your toolkit.
00:22:43 Shreya: That's really beautiful. And this is truly a very amazing conversation, and thank you for sharing so much of your information, your insights, your experiences. This really means a lot. And if there is one thing I'm taking from this conversation is that you don't always come back from trauma as the person you were. Sometimes you come back as someone you didn't know you could be. And that person, the one you are still meeting, is not less than who you were before she. She is the one who survived. And thank you for sharing all this. And if after this, my listeners want to connect with you and want to know more about you, want to do more such conversation, read your medical thrillers, or pick up your children's books. What's the best place to find you?
00:23:32 Jennifer White: If you go to w w w dot Jenny white dot CA, you'll find my thrillers and it's a series, and the first one is available now. And for the children's books, it's w w w dot Molson and Jenny adventures dot CA.
00:23:51 Shreya: Yes, I will definitely make sure to attach all these details and links below so that the listeners can find it easily and get in touch with you. And thank you again for, for this wonderful conversation and for my listeners. The soul Mirror is built around one white idea that the truth of who we are is often hiding in the moments we least expect to find it. So here's something to carry with you from today. The life you didn't choose can still become a life worth loving, and the self you didn't see coming can still be the self you grow to admire most. Thank you for sitting with this. I'll see you in the next election. And do not forget to hit the follow button. Subscribe and feel free to share your thoughts because your ears deserve premium content. Thank you.
