True love emerges from a state of emotional balance. The heart opens only when the mind becomes consciously equilibrated, while imbalanced emotions close it down. Join Dr Demartini for a deeper look into the truth of love and wake up to the possibility that there's a hidden order and intelligence behind it all.

This content is for educational and personal development purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any psychological or medical conditions. The information and processes shared are for general educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental-health or medical advice. If you are experiencing acute distress or ongoing clinical concerns, please consult a licensed health-care provider.

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Love of others is the willingness to see both sides in them.

Love of yourself is the willingness to see both sides in you. Simultaneously.

The topic today is What is Love? We've heard that statement, love,

that word many times,

but let's go down the rabbit hole a bit and take a look at it.

My observation for the last 50 years of researching people is that every

human being wants to be loved for who they are.

I think you can register that easily. The question is,

is how's that happen? How do we get love for who we are? What the heck is love?

My observation working with people all these years is that we often

aren't being who we are,

which makes it difficult being loved for who we are because we're not being

that. We sometimes exaggerate ourselves.

Puff ourself up. Go into pride, arrogance,

superiority complex, inflated, higher,

elevated self-esteem, puffed up, elated,

aggrandized,

where we're conscious of our upsides and unconscious of our downsides and kind

of exaggerating ourself. A persona,

a mask, a facade that we put on.

We also at times do the opposite, to counterbalance it.

We minimize ourself. We feel ashamed. We self depreciate, we deflate,

self-wrongious, if that's a word, lowered self-esteem.

And we beat ourselves up. And that's a facade, persona, or mask we wear.

Whenever we exaggerate or minimize ourselves, and we're not being ourself,

it's hard to be loved for who we are.

When we exaggerate ourselves, we tend to be more narcissistic,

project our values onto other people and expect others to live in our values and

kind of want to get something for nothing. Which is non-sustainable

and alienates people, which humbles us to bring us back down into authenticity.

When we minimize ourself, we tend to get more altruistic,

sacrifice for others,

try to live in other people's values and have futility and eventually get

frustrated and say, dang, I am worth more than that. And we lift ourselves up.

Both of those personas,

those exaggerated or minimized sides are negative

feedback systems to return us and bring us back into homeostasis and

authenticity so we can be conscious of both sides of ourselves at the same time.

Here we're conscious of the upsides, unconscious of the downsides.

Down here we're conscious of the downsides, unconscious of the upsides.

In the center we're conscious of both sides simultaneously.

In that moment, in a state of equanimity, not imbalance,

we automatically are ourselves. There's no facades,

no exaggeration, minimizations,

no altruism or narcissism,

just sustainable fair exchange because we love somebody,

ourself. Why do we do that?

Why do we puff ourself up, ourself up? And by the way,

there's an internal feedback system inside us to try to get us back to

authenticity. Our intuition's trying to get us there,

our physiological symptoms are trying to get us there,

our sociological feedback from others, because when we puff ourselves up,

people criticize us and people, when we beat ourselves up,

they try to lift us up.

Everything around us and within us is trying to get us back into authenticity so

we can be loved for who we are. So why do we not do that,

just stay who we are?

Well there's a thing called the law of contrast.

We meet other people who walk in a mall and we see people that we think

are smarter than us, more successful than us, or achieving than us,

more wealthy than us,

more stable in relationships than us or has a better relationship in our minds

or a greater one, more socially savvy, more connected,

more physically fit or attractive, more spiritually aware.

Or the reverse, we look down on them.

And the moment we look up to people or down at them,

and exaggerate them or minimize them,

once we exaggerate them and we're conscious of their benefits and their

positives and unconscious of their negatives,

we tend to inject their values into our life and minimize ourselves in

comparison. The law of contrast.

The moment we exaggerate them, we minimize us,

we go into a persona that's now altruistic, sacrificing to them.

And the moment we minimize them, we puff ourselves up,

project our values and try to sacrifice them for us.

That's ineffective communication. It's non-sustainable,

relationship dynamics.

And we exaggerate ourselves when we look down on them,

we minimize ourselves and we look up at them.

Now we're not authentic and we don't have an authentic expression of them.

Because the people we look up to and we infatuate with a day, a week, a month,

a year, five years later we find out, oops,

there's some downsides that we've overlooked. We were

unconscious of the downsides,

now we gradually become conscious of both sides and learn to love them.

And the people we think are our enemies that we think are terrible, a day,

a week, a month, a year, five years later we find out, oh,

maybe there's something they've contributed to our

and we lift them back up.

And nature forces us to over a larger sampling size of awareness

to see both sides and kind of come to the mean,

and extract meaning of our experience and existence.

So the moment we judge another individual and have a lopsided perception about

them and skew our view of them with a subjective bias from our past

subconsciously stored baggage,

we are not seeing them as they are and we can't see ourselves for who we are

and then we have difficulty loving.

When we bring them into balance and see both sides of them.

And we bring ourselves therefore back into balance and see both sides of us,

we don't have narcissism or altruism, we're not puffing or deflating,

we're not exaggerating or minimizing, ourselves or others.

We have equanimity within ourselves and equity between ourselves and others.

And in that moment we have a sustainable fair exchange and a moment of grace and

love.

Love is the synthesis and synchronicity of these opposites.

See if we are infatuated with ourselves, that's a thesis.

It's a proposition about who we are. If we minimize ourself,

that's an antithesis, a proposition of who we are.

The synthesis of that is the center.

If we have elevated self-esteem and depressed self-esteem,

put them together simultaneously, we get true self-worth.

If we puff ourselves up and exaggerate ourselves and minimize ourselves and put

them back together the same time, we get ourselves.

Love is a synthesis between a thesis and antithesis, and synchronicity,

seeing them both at the same time, of these pairs of opposites.

So it sounds kind of maybe technical,

but love is a synthesis and synchronicity of all possible

complementary opposites we perceive. So anytime we perceive something,

if we don't see it's opposite simultaneously,

we block ourselves experiencing love. We experience emotions,

we have an impulse towards when we're infatuated, we have an instinctive way

when we're resentful, attractive, repulsive,

we have emotions. But love is a synthesis of those emotions.

It's not an emotion as most people think. See,

most people have confused love with the infatuation and

attraction and impulse towards something that they are conscious of the

positives of but unconscious of the negatives of.

And almost everybody's been caught in an infatuation, a fatal attraction,

like Glenn Close and Michael Douglas,

where they were fooled by that illusion. Emotions can fool you.

They're an amygdala response, a subcortical response in

not thrival. In the forebrain, the cortex,

there's an executive center that allows us to see both sides objectively,

simultaneously. Willhelm Wundt,

father of experimental psychology about a hundred and something years ago said

that when you have simultaneous contrast,

not sequential contrast where you're seeing one and then later the other,

but simultaneous contrast, you have love.

Everybody has the capacity to love pretty well anyone.

But as long as we have subconsciously biased interpretations ingroup,

outgroup biases, confirmation bias, disconfirmation bias,

and we are attracted or repelled and we assume that that's what love is when

we're infatuated and we assume that we've don't have love if we resent,

then we're going to be running around like an automaton animal running around,

you know, running from predator, seeking prey all day, all along.

And if you know that you, when you're infatuated, you want to consume them,

when you're resentful, you want to avoid them.

And therefore the external world and your misperceptions of them are running

your life. I see this every week on my program, the Breakthrough Experience.

I see people coming in there with major resentments on people they actually love

inside, deep inside. They've got a facade that's covering it up.

I've seen it with their kids, I've seen it with their parents.

I've seen it with people at work,

I've seen it with former boyfriends or girlfriends or husbands or wives.

They have allowed themselves to be, you might say,

skewed by subjective biases of their amygdala, get caught in fantasies,

create nightmares and have this distortion of judgment on

themselves and other people and stop themselves from being loved for who they

are and feeling love, and feeling the grace of that.

And I love in the program showing them how to balance it out.

I developed a method called the Demartini Method to help you see what you're

unconscious of. So when you're infatuated with somebody,

you're conscious of the positives, but unconscious of the negatives.

When you're resentful to somebody, you're conscious of the negatives,

unconscious of the positives. When you're proud,

you're conscious of your positives, unconscious of your negatives.

When you're shamed, you're conscious of your negatives,

unconscious of the positives. You're not fully conscious, you're not mindful,

you don't have fulfillment or pleroma as the gnostics used to say.

You have emptiness. Judgment leaves you empty.

When you judge yourself or others, you have an emptiness.

The emptiness is because you're too proud or too humble to admit what you see in

others inside you.

Or you're too proud to admit that what you see in you is inside others,

and you have what is called false attribution biases.

You blame them for the things you resent.

You give credit for them for the things you infatuate with.

You blame you for the things you feel ashamed of.

You give credit to you for the things that you're proud of.

These false attribution,

false causalities keep you from ever having true love for yourself.

That's why I ask people questions,

because the quality of your life's based on the quality of the questions you

ask, in the Breakthrough Experience and make you fully conscious.

A fully conscious mindful state is a state of equanimity,

a poised, present, powerful, purposeful, patient,

prioritized state. See, when we live according to our

glucose, and oxygen goes in the brain, we become more objective, more neutral,

less judgmental.

We go into systems two thinking where we think before we emotionally react.

But when we're not living by our highest values, our blood, glucose,

and oxygen goes into our amygdala,

subcortical area of the brain where we go into systems one thinking where we

emotionally react before we think. When we do,

we have a subjective bias.

Subjective bias is a necessary survival response to get our

adrenaline pumped up enough to be able to capture the prey that we're infatuated

with and we want to eat and to avoid the predator that we want to get away from.

And so we need that when we're in survival.

But you don't want to live in survival all your life.

You're not going to have fulfillment living in survival.

It's great for an emergency but not daily life.

So that's why I created for the Breakthrough Experience two things,

two tools that are very valuable.

One is to identify what you value most and how to identify what your priorities

are so you can start living by priority,

delegating lower priority things and getting on with the highest so you can do

what you love and love what you do with the people that you love and fulfill

your life. And the second one is the Demartini Method,

which is how to ask questions to become conscious of what you're unconscious of

to level the playing field so you can have love in your life. In other words,

when you're seeing somebody you're infatuated with or resentful to, you ask,

what specific trait action or inaction do I perceive them displaying or

demonstrating that I resent the most? Great. You identify what specific it is.

Then you go in there and ask the question, go to a moment John,

where and when I perceive myself displaying or demonstrating that trait?

And you'll find out that you only resent somebody that represents a part of you

that you have done in your past that you feel ashamed of but you're dodging it

with a pride and you're too proud to admit you have it and protecting yourself

from your wound. The shame you're carry around.

And they're reminding you of it and that's why you don't like them.

You want to avoid them because they're reminding you what you don't love in

yourself. And the same thing when you admire somebody,

you are too humble to admit what you see in them is inside you.

So what happens is that you actually have what you see in them.

I've done it in hundreds of thousands of people. You have what you see in them,

but you're too humble to admit it. And so I ask you, what specific trait,

action, inaction do you admire them?

And then go to a moment where and when you have displayed and demonstrated it.

And once you have reflective awareness where the seer,

the seeing and the seen are the same and you honor within you where you see it

in them, and own it quantitatively and qualitatively the same degree, you

calm down the infatuation,

resentments and the prides and shames and you level the playing field and you

get to love people and you get to love yourself finally. It's a science,

I guarantee it works. I've been doing it for 34, 35,

well 37 years but 34 years just in the Breakthrough Experience.

And it's a methodical science on dissolving emotional baggage

so you can liberate yourself from the things that weigh you down,

that feed your subconscious mind,

that makes you live with anxieties and fantasies,

and allow you to allow yourself to appreciate and

way you are. That's what you want.

Love is a synthesis and synchronous of opposites.

Love of others is the willingness to see both sides in them.

Love of yourself is the willingness to see both sides in you. Simultaneously.

You'll find out when you're mean to somebody,

you may be mean to them in a way that might catalyze them to be more

entrepreneurial and more independent, more capable, more resilient,

more adaptable and more in thick skin and more capable.

And then the very thing you thought you were mean to turns out to be something

nice. And sometimes you think you're nice to somebody and you think you're,

oh taking care of them, being pegging, psh and everything else,

but you're actually robbing them of their resilience and holding them back and

making them dependent and obligated and in a sense not really setting them free.

And so you're mean. The idea of nice and mean are the illusions.

They're moral hypocrisies that we've trapped ourselves

perceptions.

So in the Breakthrough Experience I show you how to ask questions to help you

see objectively, to help you love again, to help you love yourself and others,

and balance the equation, so you're not trapped.

Because anything you infatuate with will occupy space and time in your mind and

run you. It's hard to sleep at night when you're highly infatuated.

Anything you resent will occupy space and time in your mind and run you,

hard to sleep at night when you're highly resentful. Also,

anything you're proud of that you're cocky and arrogant about and think that

you've done it and give yourself false attribution bias for it,

you will have difficulty sleeping at night.

Anything that you have an imbalanced system, shame, pride, infatuation,

resentment, philias, phobias,

any of those will occupy space and time in your mind and run your life until

you've actually balanced them and set yourself free.

In the Breakthrough Experience I show you how to set yourself free.

How to liberate yourself from emotional baggage which weighs you down

gravitationally and ages you. See the way the mind is set up, the amygdala,

in order to do it, it stores in the hippocampus,

it assigns valency of charges like these to the hippocampus,

it stores it in a memory because it wants to make sure that anything that you've

lied about and not really seen fully and have full conscious about,

is automatically stored in the memory so you leave nothing unloved.

So it'll store it there to protect you from the predator and to make sure you

capture the prey in the future. But you misinterpret things,

store them and it haunts your mind and creates the arrow of time. See,

memory is the past, imagination's the future.

And anytime you do that you create an arrow of time which causes entropy and

causes aging and a disorder, which means missing information.

According to Claude Shannon missing information is what leads to disorder.

And disorder is what leads to illness. And every area of our life,

intellectually causes noise in the brain, static.

Business-wise it causes narcissism, altruism, which is unfair exchange,

which undermines business. In finance it causes you mismanagement of money.

In relationships it makes you think you're superior, inferior,

which stops having a match and love. In sociology makes you arrogant,

which makes you get criticism or humbleness,

which gets praise to create this distortion and disempowers you.

Physiologically it creates symptoms in your life.

All of your symptoms are parasympathetic or sympathetic,

because of seeing more positive than negatives and more negatives than

positives, the rest and digest or fight or flight response.

And spiritually we're not inspired by our life,

we weigh ourselves down by distractions that are not allowing us to be present

where we have a timeless mind, ageless body, the immortal stuff you might say.

So in the Breakthrough Experience,

when I show people how to balance that and ask quality questions because the

quality of your life's based on the quality of questions you ask and the most

quality questions are the ones that equilibrate the mind and bring you back to

authenticity. Every symptom in your life is trying to get you to authentic.

And when you see it and really understand it,

and I explained in the Breakthrough Experience,

you'll realize that life's on the way, not in the way.

And it's helping you be empowered and inspired and magnificent in your life

instead of sitting there weighed down with emotional judgments all day long.

You can't love yourself if you're trying to change yourself.

And I know this is going to sound bizarre to some of you,

but you don't need improvement. That's the fantasy that people are in.

They think because they've been indoctrinated by moral

one side. Your grandmother says be nice, don't be mean. Be kind, don't be cruel.

Be positive, don't be negative. Be generous, don't be stingy.

And then she turns around hypocritically and does just the opposite to Grandpa.

Paul Dirac the Nobel Prize winner said that It's not that we don't know so much,

we know so much that it isn't so.

There's so much misinformation out there and most people are trapped in the idea

that love and hate are opposites. If I'm infatuated, I must love them.

If I resent them, I must not love them. And they get caught in uncertainties.

If I was to go to you and I was to say to you, you're always positive,

never negative, always kind, never cruel, always generous, never stingy,

you wouldn't be able to say yes, you'd be uncertain, you'd go, ah not exactly.

Your own psycho meter inside your head intuitively will whisper the times when

you were mean and cruel and stingy. If I was to say you're always negative,

you're never positive, always wrathful never peaceful, always stingy,

never generous and say, go the other side,

your same psychostat would immediately go no, that's not true either.

But if I said to you, sometimes you're nice, sometimes you're mean,

sometimes you're kind, sometimes you're cruel, sometimes you're positive,

sometimes you're negative, sometimes you're peaceful,

you'd immediately go, that's me. See the real true you,

the true perfection of you, is not a one-sided fantasy.

The fastest way to disempower society,

the fastest way to make you feel guilty is to

promote a fantasy that you are not going to live.

I have no interest in doing that. The magnificence of who you are,

the authentic you, the two-sided, simultaneous you,

the one that has all the traits, nothing missing in you,

the one that's fulfilled, doesn't need fixing.

That's really amazing when you stop and think about it.

Many people are trying to get rid of half their life in order to love

themselves. You don't need to get rid of half.

It's time to own and appreciate all parts of you. Believe it or not,

when you're sometimes tough on people,

there's somebody else over supporting them and you're playing in a pair of

opposites simultaneously that's synchronous that you're not seeing.

In the Breakthrough Experience, I show you how to see it.

I actually hold you accountable to look at the moment when somebody's mean who's

nice, somebody's nice, who's mean. Somebody's lying, who's telling the truth.

Where the pair of opposites are. The moment you see this,

it brings tears to your eyes, you have grace because you realize, wow,

there's a higher order,

a hidden order in the apparent chaos that I've been running,

and I don't need to get rid of half of myself in order to love myself.

And I don't need to put people on pedestals or pits because of these moral

hypocrisies that I've been trapped in. So beware,

because sometimes what you think is the information of the universe is actually

misinformation and it's time to actually see both sides of life.

I about age 30, after doing a two year research study on my own self,

on myself, and realizing that I'm not one-sided,

I had every trait.

I went in the the Oxford Dictionary and I went through 4,628 traits and I found

every possible positive and negative trait a human being can have and I found

them all. When I finally realized that all those traits were in me, kind, cruel,

nice, mean, honest, dishonest, positive, negative, I had them all.

And I found that each one of them served a purpose or they would've gone extinct

in evolution. And I finally realized I can now love all that.

So if you'd love to love all of yourself and not have to get rid of half of

yourself and try to find people that are one sided, which they can't,

and try to get rid of them and half the world and try to get rid of that and

waste your time on futility,

and you're ready for utility where you are able to allow both sides and have

sustainable fair exchange and honor both sides of yourself synchronously,

then come to the Breakthrough Experience.

I assure you that taking you through methodically the

sides and have fulfillment and actually no longer be in the pride or shame or

infatuation resentment state, but actually be in a state of grace, Ooh,

that's very powerful. I've asked people,

how many of you who've had smiles on your face and had moments of happiness and

shallow kind of hedonistic pursuits,

how many of you compare to this state of grace, this state of seeing both sides,

how many would prefer the happiness? Not one will say that.

They realize the profoundness of the magnificence of who they are and the

authenticity of who they are is far greater than any fantasies that they're

seeking or thinking they're supposed to be.

So that's why I tell people to come to the Breakthrough Experience so I can

actually take them methodically through to do that and show them the science on

how to master their life, fulfill their life,

set real objectives in life that they love so they can do something they love

and love what they do on a daily basis and how to love themselves,

and the people around them. You know,

if you had only 24 hours to live in your life,

you'd go to the people that have contributed to your

I love you. You don't know when your last 24 hours is. You never know. So why,

why wait?

Why not just go and learn the science on how to love yourself and others and

love your life and do something you love and get handsomely paid to do that in

life? There's absolutely no reason why you can't live that way.

So if that's something of interesting,

come to the Breakthrough Experience and let me spend 26 hours with you,

I spent 30 minutes now, 26 hours with you showing you how to do it.

You can go and reinvent the wheel and try to learn by trial and error,

teleonomics like animals do.

Or you can do what humans do and that is to have foresight and learn by standing

on the shoulders. You know, I started reading,

really started reading and devouring,

standing on the shoulders of giants when I was 18.

I'd read a book and I took a whole life and I summarized it in a book.

And I stepped my and elevated my awareness.

Why wait and reinvent the wheel?

I spent 50 years researching and studying and learning and standing on the

shoulders of giants trying to figure out how this brain works and how to master

your life. I'm absolutely certain that I can save you some time, ,

I've been doing it a long time.

So if you'd love to save some time and not reinvent the wheel and bang your head

against the wall,

learning how to love yourself and others and go do something more magnificent in

your life, join me for 26 hours. I guarantee you,

I've asked people at the end of the program,

how many of you learned something this weekend you could have gone your whole

life and if you hadn't been here, you would've not learned it?

Every hand goes up.

And I'm certain that you'll learn something that will be meaningful to you.

So come and join me at the Breakthrough Experience and let me show you how to

love yourself. I just gave you an idea what love is.

It's a synthesis and synchronicity of all possible complementary opposites

you'll ever face and experience in your life.

Let me show you how to turn whatever happens in your life to on the way,

not in the way so can say thank you I love you to yourself when you look in the

mirror at night. And the same thing for the people you care about.

So I hope you enjoyed this presentation.

I look forward to seeing you next week and also at the Breakthrough Experience.

Go look below and sign up and join me.

26 hours of mind blowing information about how you can transform your life and

love yourself and others. And that's what you really want to do.

You want to be loved for who you are and you want to make a difference.

The best, greatest difference you'll make is being authentic.

I'll see you there at the Breakthrough Experience. I'll see you next week.