Let’s chat about the sneaky little things that can cause a marriage to drift apart, because trust me, it happens faster than you can say “I do.” We’re diving into how to protect your marriage from this drift, and believe me, it’s all about those little foxes that spoil the vines. We’ve all been there—life gets busy, and suddenly you’re just two roommates sharing a Netflix account instead of a life. We’ll talk about how to hit the reset button and bring back that fun, friendship, and spiritual connection that can sometimes feel lost in the daily grind. So, grab your favorite drink, kick back, and let’s get into how to make your marriage not just functional but truly thriving! Marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs, and sometimes we find ourselves drifting apart without even realizing it. Jeff and Teresa take us on a deep dive into the subtle signs of marital drift, explaining how busy lives and neglect can create distance between partners. They share personal anecdotes that many couples can relate to, highlighting how the little things—like conversations turning logistical or neglecting emotional intimacy—can slowly spoil the connection. Drawing wisdom from the Song of Solomon, they emphasize the importance of catching the 'little foxes' that spoil the vines, encouraging couples to be proactive in nurturing their relationships. It's not about making grand gestures; it's about the small, intentional moments that build a solid foundation for enduring love. As the episode unfolds, Jeff and Teresa explore practical ways to reset your marriage. They discuss the importance of friendship as a cornerstone for intimacy and connection, reminding us that the best marriages are built on a foundation of fun, laughter, and shared experiences. They suggest creating weekly rituals—like date nights or simple coffee chats—that allow couples to reconnect on a deeper level. By prioritizing emotional check-ins and keeping the lines of communication open, couples can bridge the gap that often forms during busy seasons of life. This episode is a refreshing reminder that while marriage takes work, it can also be a source of joy and laughter when nurtured with intention.

Takeaways:

• Protecting your marriage from drift is crucial; it’s often the little things that add up.
• Emotional neglect can sneak in when conversations turn logistical instead of meaningful and heartfelt.
• Neglecting friendship in marriage can turn you into roommates instead of lovers—don’t let that happen!
• Having fun together is vital; remember the joy that brought you together in the first place.
• Spiritual connection is key; don’t tuck your faith away in a corner—share it!
• Regular intentional moments together can significantly strengthen your bond—start today!

Protecting your marriage from drift.

Welcome to an inspiring marriage as we are Jeff and Teresa Fields.

And our mission is to help Christian couples strengthen their friendship, grow spiritually together, and experience the marriage that God has designed for them.

Teresa, we are going to talk about protecting marriages from drift.

Song of Solomon 2:15 tells us, Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes.

It's the little things that can spoil marriage.

So little things that can spoil a vineyard.

Most couples don't wake up one day and decide, hey, I want to introduce some drift in my marriage.

Less connecting today.

I'll be have less conversation.

I'll laugh less.

It's usually not a decision that couples make.

Right, Teresa?

That's right.

Don't want to intentionally ignore your spouse.

Right.

Distance usually develops gradually through neglect rather than intentional choices.

Now, we have experienced this in our marriage where we have experienced seasons where life became so busy with stuff that required intentional effort to reset our marriage.

Yes.

It crowds out that quiet time and that personal time together, doesn't it?

So, Teresa, let's talk about what marriage drift looks like in real life.

So drift is rarely dramatic and most couples don't even recognize it while it's happening.

There are signs, right?

That's right.

So life can get filled with work, especially if both of you have careers.

It can get busy with kids, and everyone know with kids, knows how that is.

It can get busy with ministry.

It can get busy with responsibilities.

It can get busy with financial pressures.

It can get busy with just daily routine.

In our marriage, there was a time where we got really busy with good things.

So Teresa was homeschooling multiple levels, two, sometimes three different grade levels at one time.

The kids had outside activities.

They either had music lessons or gymnastics or dance lessons, something we were involved with our church, serving in our church.

We were involved Sunday mornings, maybe Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, anytime there was a special event, we were there.

That's right.

And maybe if there was a worship team practice, we were there that week.

We could be at the church three or four nights each and every week.

That's true.

Yes.

And besides that, we have responsibilities.

I was working.

We just had a lot of responsibilities that we were managing.

So we were really just managing our life.

There was nothing necessarily wrong with our life.

We loved each other, we were committed to each other, but we were spending less time intentionally connecting.

That's right.

We didn't really see it at the time.

We just thought we were accomplishing a lot because we were taking care of the kids and Taking care of our responsibilities and doing all the stuff you're supposed to do.

But we didn't realize that there was drift happening.

We were getting disconnected, and we didn't know.

It's something you have to be intentional about in order for it not to get crowded out of your life.

So even good things can crowd out great things.

A marriage can be functional.

A marriage can be functioning while still being.

Becoming disconnected.

So it's the little foxes, Teresa, that can create distance.

Fox number one.

Let's talk about Fox number one, emotional neglect.

So we.

When you sense that your conversations have become logistical rather than emotional or spiritual, that is a warning sign that you are neglecting your emotional intimacy.

Exactly.

When you start discussing schedules instead of what's on your heart, that is a sign that you are neglecting your emotional intimacy.

When you are less curious about each other's thoughts and feelings, if you're not asking your spouse what they think about something, what they feel about something, that is a sign that you are neglecting your emotional intimacy.

That's so good.

Yes.

And you may just have to hear something like this to realize that it's even happening.

You just, like we said, thought you were taking care of things, and you're really just discussing schedules and plans and who goes where and how to get the kids here and there.

And that just leaves out all the emotional intimacy that you need to have time for.

So you don't need to be talking so much about what needs to get done, because those things will get taken care of.

The squeaky wheel that gets the grease, they're going to get taken care of.

But what you have to be intentional about is asking each other, how are you doing?

Are you okay?

Is something bothering you?

Is do you feel like something's missing?

We're just two ships passing in the night.

We have so much going on.

We're not really talking.

We're not really expressing any emotion to each other.

And that's definitely, like you said, that's.

Fox is eating away at your marriage.

That's so good.

Fox number two, neglecting your friendship.

Teresa, let's discuss how friendship has to be the foundation of a lifelong intimacy.

When you and your spouse fell in love.

No, you did it by becoming friends.

You spent time together.

You talked a lot.

You.

Every moment that you could, you spent with the other person.

And when you were apart, you thought about spending time with your friend, and you were intentional about spending time with your friend.

You didn't just say, okay, whatever happens.

No.

You planned out your evenings, the guys you Planned where you're going to take her and girls.

You plan what you want to wear.

So it was intentional planning together.

So you that friendship has to stay the foundation of your marriage.

You can't neglect that foundation of friendship.

You can't let that erode.

You've seen pictures of seashores where there's been erosion.

It's ugly and it's.

You don't is not nice to look at.

You don't want that to happen to your marriage.

So couples can become parents, they become workers, even can become ministry partners without remaining friends.

Marriage has drifted into roommates instead of lovers and you become co workers instead of best friends.

That's so true.

And friends really share everything.

They share thoughts and feelings.

They share what they like, they don't like.

And friendship is so important, as Jeff said, like as a foundation for your marriage because that's how you learned to trust each other.

That's how you learn to care about each other and put each other more.

Think of the other's needs more than your own that happened in the friendship.

That's that unselfishness that needs to continue in your marriage.

Not thinking of yourself first, but loving your spouse and building that trust together.

You know what each other likes and don't like.

You know how each other thinks.

You know what really concerns each other or what they truly care about.

What means a lot to each other.

So this is this so important.

There's so many aspects of friendship that really make a marriage solid.

So good.

Fox number three is, is the loss of fun.

Now we like to have fun and we one of our friendship builders is a list of things to do that are fun.

You have things to that you like that is fun to you.

Now for us, one of Teresa's main.

And we will watch that as often as we can.

Usually we try to watch all of the Pride and Prejudice around her birthday and all the other Jane Austen movies.

And we even made a game out of it one time where every time that we were under the covers and we were having popcorn and our drinks or whatever and every time that someone mentioned that phrase, Mr. Darcy, which happens like 2,000 times in the sixth episode series, we would have to stop and we would have to kiss.

We made a game out of it.

And we made a kissing game out of it.

That's right.

So we made it fun.

Now I like sports.

Teresa doesn't care for that much, but she'll make the effort to come into my world.

And she'll watch it with me and we'll go to games.

And so we just share.

We do fun things together.

We like to go to concerts.

Yes.

And we like music.

So we.

It's the shared experiences are important.

Now.

There's things that you like that's unique to you, things that will.

You have inside jokes about things that, that make you smile when you think about it.

What are the things that you and your spouse like to do that brings fun into your marriage?

Think about those things, discuss those things.

Say, hey, we used to do this a lot.

I'd like to do that again.

Can we start doing this again?

That's right.

And friendship grows when there's enjoyable experiences together.

Fox number four is spiritual disconnect.

Now, individual faith is important, but it's the shared faith that strengthens marriage.

Yeah.

If I just put my faith in this little box and it's have this here in the corner of my life.

And Teresa does the same thing.

It's.

She has her faith, her personal faith, her personal time, and she has it in the little corner of her life.

And.

But we never share those things.

We are missing out.

We are missing out on a tremendous strength to our marriage.

Because, first of all, you are a spirit.

You have a soul.

You live in a body.

And, and when you neglect your spiritual connection, you're really weakening your marriage.

But when you connect your spiritual life together, you enhance your marriage.

Teresa?

Yes.

I was thinking that it really enriches your marriage.

Like you said, instead of keeping your spiritual life in a corner and mine off in a corner, kept away from each other, when we start opening up and sharing about those things, it just gives so much more depth to your relationship because spiritual things really bind you together in a way that nothing else can.

That's the way God wants marriage to be.

Wants it to be a spiritual covenant.

It's not just a physical marriage.

It's not just an emotional, fun marriage or just an intellectual thing.

It really has to be spiritual.

And this is where you get so much strength, so much depth to your marriage.

And, and you have that, that purpose to your marriage.

God will show you how important it is that he brought you together to be married, not just to have children and raise them and all of those things, because children grow up and leave the home.

You've got to have a purpose that outlasts raising your kids.

So he is going to show you those things.

If you are staying connected spiritually or.

You reconnect spiritually, prayer builds Unity prayer reminds you that you two are a team.

You are a team.

You're on the same team.

You're fighting together.

And when you bring God into your midst.

No, Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us that a three strand cord is not easily broken.

Teresa.

That's right.

That's right.

So it's you and your spouse and the Lord and he's the most important strand in that cord.

And talk about scripture in your life.

Share scripture with each other.

Build that spiritual intimacy.

Talk about scripture.

Talk about God.

Ask your spouse, what has God been showing you?

Ask your spouse, how can I pray for you?

Just keep building on that spiritual intimacy, enforcing those connections.

Build it up.

Now we want to talk about.

Now that you've recognized that you have drift, what can we do to reverse it?

And I'm telling you, you can reverse this starting today.

That's right.

One thing you not got to ask each other.

This is a great opportunity for you two to sit down and ask these questions and give honest answers.

Where have we become disconnected?

To sit and think and you don't have to come up with the answers right away.

Where have we become disconnected?

Think about where your marriage is, where you felt really close to your spouse is.

Think.

What has changed?

What has.

Why are we disconnected now?

And try to pinpoint what area you are disconnected.

That's right.

You might have replaced your time together with other activities or doing more with the kids or just getting distracted with extra work or TV or different things that have just filled up time.

But it's not connecting time.

So that's very likely that you filled up some time you used to have.

Talking together and sharing moments together with filled it up with other things.

And we talk a lot about this in our new book, you're not losing love, you're losing time, which is now with the publishers and we're excited about that coming out.

All about redeeming time in your marriage.

So you need to talk to each other.

What do we miss?

What activity or what did we used to do that we miss doing now?

Ask each other these questions.

And you, you may have answers that are difficult to hear, but it needs to come out and it needs to be discussed.

That's right.

That's right.

Number two, you gotta rebuild those small moments.

Your life is not built on big, giant, grandiose moments.

No, it is built on small, intentional moments.

Daily over time.

You can have breakfast together, you can have coffee together, you have tea together.

Just some kind of connection time.

Make sure you have a meal together.

At least one Meal together every day.

I know people's schedules are different, but you got to make the effort to have.

Whether it's just two glasses of water where you sit down at this table at the same time.

Yes.

And maybe you're.

One's coming to work and one's.

One's coming in from work and one's going to work.

You got to have some overlap time where you can talk.

Maybe go for an evening walk or a morning walk.

Just makes an effort to spend time together.

These little small moments that really make a big difference.

Don't neglect praying together.

So simple to pray together.

Just take each other's hands.

Each one of you.

Thank the Lord for setting up a common concern.

And thank God for the wisdom.

Thank God for the answer.

And you may even have a scripture and that's it.

But don't neglect praying together.

Don't forget date night.

Now, it doesn't have to be the big Ruth Crisp Steakhouse night every week.

It could just be going down to, I don't know, Wendy's and getting the cheeseburger.

I don't know.

Or it could be having hot dogs in your living room.

Yeah.

Picnic in the park.

Park Picnic in your living room.

Popcorn in your living room.

Or.

Yeah.

Picnic in the park.

Yeah.

It's great.

Just something where you are intentionally spending time together.

Yes.

Where you connect and having intentional conversations.

Having conversations where you draw on each other, where you invite discussion.

Instead of saying, if you're asked, how are you?

Don't just say fine.

Just talk a little bit, please.

Yes.

Share some information.

Give me more than five.

I'm fine.

No, give me more than fine.

Let's go.

Let's talk.

This is how you redeem the time.

This is how we make the most out every moment.

That's right.

This is how we elevate our time together.

We can take chronological time and make it meaningful.

Teresa, that's so good.

Yes.

And like you said, doing this on a regular basis.

If you can have talks together daily, that's wonderful.

If you can pray together once a day, maybe right before you go to bed, and especially the weekly date night, make sure you're holding each other accountable.

We really need this in our marriage.

It might seem moving things around a lot at first to make this these things priorities, but it really takes this regular consistency, rebuilding connection, and it makes such a huge difference in your marriage.

Step number three, pursue friendship.

Again.

One of the central themes to inspiring marriages is that God designed husband and wife to be friends for life.

So it's just not How a marriage begins friendship is how healthy marriages remain strong.

You have the opportunity to be married to your best friend for life.

That's right.

You have the best prayer partner in the whole universe right there with you and you two together, building friendship, getting closer, doing fun things together, connecting on every level.

It just enhances your marriage, doesn't it, Teresa?

That is so true.

Yes.

There's just nothing like makes marriage such a great experience and so uplifting.

And it really stands out because in the world, people don't have happy marriages a lot of the time.

And your marriage, your faces are glowing and you enjoy being together.

You're not fussing and fighting.

You're showing the world what a good marriage looks like when you learn these principles.

And your friendship is so fun and just makes your marriage just like a light shining in a dark world.

It really does.

People can see that there's something there that they're missing.

Fourth way to reset the fourth way to reset your marriage is to create weekly patterns.

We want to encourage you to establish weekly connection times, just times during the week where you connect, where you talk, where you have discussion.

We want you to have weekly dates, just time together, additional time where you can exchange emotional connection.

Teresa yes.

That's so good.

You might not think after you're married that a date night can be romantic, but it still can.

And like Jeff said, you share emotional things, tell each other what you appreciate about each other and how much you care for each other.

And that just, it's such a sweet way to enjoy spending time together and reconnecting emotionally, romantically.

We just, we love that we made weekly dates more of a regular thing.

For us it was such a blessing because we had missed that when our kids were little and it seemed really hard to go out on a date.

So that's something that, that really makes your marriage fun.

And don't neglect your prayer time.

Your spiritual intimacy is so important to pray together and ask each other, how can I pray for you?

What can I do for you?

Those discussions really deepen a connection between a husband and a wife.

That's right.

Don't neglect your physical connection.

Make sure you have regular physical interaction in your marriage and have emotional check ins.

Make sure you ask your spouse how they're doing and your and it is so important in a marriage for your spouse to feel free to express themselves emotionally without fear of being ridiculed or rejected.

Yes, that's so important.

You need to have that safe place when you're going to open up and share with each other.

That if you ask a question about your spouse's emotions, that they know that they can say what's on their heart and let you know how they feel about something, even if it's something like, I don't really like this or this has been bothering me, that they know there's no reason for you to react and get upset because you decide, we're going to share and we're going to be honest, but we're making this a safe place to open up and share our emotions and share our feelings, even if it's hurts or unforgiveness.

So this is something that will help you be closer because you're really allowing these things to be out in the open, but doing that in that nice protective bubble of love and care for each other just, I care enough about you to hear what you have to say and not judge you or not get angry, but to just let you express this.

And it's so precious because no one else is going to get to see these parts of your heart but your spouse.

If you're making your marriage strong, wow.

It's so important.

Consistency will create the closeness.

So we have a challenge for you this week.

This is what you need.

You have to ask your spouse.

It's the one thing we used to do together that helped you feel connected.

You may be surprised at the answer.

So we challenge you to do this activity this week.

Healthy marriages do not happen accidentally.

They are built intentionally, one redeemed moment at a time.

So if you like a free resource from lonely to best friends again, there's a link for it in the show notes on our page.net and you'll find a link there in our show notes and also.net you can sign up for all our latest offerings for absolutely free.

And if you like to watch our videos, head on over to you and look for the Inspiring Marriages channel.

And There you'll see YouTube videos that go along with this teaching.

And if you really.

And if you like the podcast, be sure to share the podcast with other couples.

You may be helping them in marriage eliminate the drift in their lives.

And remember, God designed husband and wife.

To be friends for life.