DISCLAIMER: THIS EPISODE IS VERY SEXUALLY EXPLICIT - LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK (WITH HEADPHONES)

This episode delves into the intricacies of sexual history, inviting listeners to explore their own experiences in a judgment-free environment. We candidly discuss our respective journeys with sexual encounters, revealing personal anecdotes that illuminate our evolving perspectives on intimacy and desire. Amidst the explicit narratives, we emphasize the importance of honesty and vulnerability, fostering a connection that encourages open dialogue about topics often considered taboo. As we navigate through our stories, we also reflect on the broader implications of sexual expression and the societal perceptions surrounding it. Join us as we embrace this safe space to share, learn, and perhaps even challenge our own notions of sexuality.

But like, in another life, I was a cocksucker whore.

And that somehow that winds up manifesting its way into this present life.

Because the way that I get thrills.

Out of the fellatio and.

And not even just that, but the completion.

Yeah.

It's the.

It's the face of relief for me.

Yeah.

So it's like.

Yes, that's it.

That's the last thing I'll say about it.

I was the queen of.

So, funny story.

I had my past life read.

And I've said this before.

Omigo.

I ran a whorehouse in Beijing.

I taught women how to use their bodies to get what they want to survive, which is so interesting now, how present day, I am this sexual deviant that isn't bothered or, you know, I use.

I don't use.

I don't weaponize sex, but I know how to.

Meanwhile, we've been brought back together because I was one of the women.

Listen, y' all here getting microphones and sounding foolish.

This is not just another podcast where two men are talking about bullshit and don't make any sense while we killing.

This is.

This is a real conversation for real adults.

What's Waita?

What are we even talking about?

What are we even talking about?

Listen to it now because you want to know what we're talking about.

Oh, what's up, King?

What's up, sir?

And what's up to all you out there listening?

Welcome to the what Are We Even.

Talking About Podcast, where every other episode, we take turns choosing the topic unbeknownst to the other.

So the conversation is unrehearsed, authentic, and.

Most importantly, a safe space for friends to be vulnerable.

So go ahead and get your favorite cocktails or mocktails if you don't drink.

Ready?

And let's find out what are we really talking about.

Nope, Wrong.

Let's find out what are we even talking about.

Waheeta.

That's that.

It's your boy, pj, AKA sir pj.

You know, don't call me daddy.

Call me sir.

And it is King Christopher or King or Christopher.

And you can call me Daddy.

And if you call me sir, I'll just feel like you're being rude and telling me that I'm old, but it's okay.

How was your week?

You know what?

I love y'.

All.

You pushing the flow in, right?

You know, my week was really great, actually.

I'm slowly moving into what I believe will be the best chapter and month of this year.

I'm claiming it now, usually probably around this time.

It's not so things have been actually pretty.

Pretty fucking dope.

That's all I can say.

Yeah, that makes my heart happy.

What about you?

This has been a raging nightmare bitch from hell of a week.

She has been a flames, flames from the side of my face.

Yeah.

And I said it to you a little bit a while ago, but I think I had gotten to this place where I had really started.

Like, I don't know, I created this vibe and I was writing this wave and everything felt so good.

And I had talked to my therapist.

I was like, okay, when does the shoe other shoe drop?

Like, something bad has to happen.

Things have been too good for too long, what's about to go on.

And I think when it comes to work, that company that I work for, that I think we've agreed that I'm not going to say their name anymore, whatever.

But yeah, like, when it comes to work, I'm just kind of like, okay.

Especially with us.

And I'll tell you, because you told me just a little while ago, kind of letting you all behind the veil.

You told me about what doing this was inspiring for you, what doing this is inspiring me to do is to find another fucking job.

And I'm gonna be honest with you because I love this so much and I enjoy it so much and I feel like in order to do it in a way that is meaning for both of us, I have to be a better version of myself.

And I'm getting to the point I'm losing my vase.

I was like, what was that?

I'm getting to a point like this.

Honey.

Yeah.

I swear I have not picked up a new port in like so many years.

But no, I. I just.

I want to be a better version of myself.

And I know that as time goes on, especially as we move into summer volume, that this is going to be exhaustive and I'm going to be drained and bitchy and just not a pleasant person.

And I don't want to bring here.

So it's pushing me to do what I've been needing to do for a while, which is update my resume and get on the ball as far as finding myself something different to do.

But I'm grateful because I just had an amazing meal as well as some delicious water and I feel refreshed, which, if you've ever watched Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon R specifically, which I am on that season, I am very, very happy.

I just started it like a month and a half ago after Sailor Moon does her little to do at the end and the villain is weak and now it's time to, like, come on, Sailor Moon.

Get her.

Now she does her little.

A little baton twirl.

Yes.

At the end, they're always like.

And then now they're human.

Yeah, that's where I'm at.

That's where I'm at right now.

You know what I think?

I think it's happening for the both of us in different directions and slowly and surely.

And I'll say this.

Um, it's happening for me mostly because of this space.

Mostly first.

Okay.

So unbeknownst to you guys, I'm really adding that into my, like, everyday word language.

Thank you so much.

Right.

Unbeknownst.

So unbeknownst to you guys, obviously, these episodes are recorded way in advance.

The podcast hasn't even been premiered yet, and we have one of the best editors in the game.

Shout out to you, Kuba.

And he has helped rejuvenate me in a way that gets me excited to, like, sit behind this microphone.

Like, Thursdays is recording day.

And I used to feel that way about highly melanated.

Like, Tuesdays is a recording day.

So, like, Thursdays, the show comes out.

Yay.

Like, but that's the stressful portion of actually, like, editing your own content.

You always want it to sound perfect, but it's so funny how.

And also interesting how someone else's ear can add something that you didn't even think of or, you know.

So I just want to give a special shout out to the person who was editing our podcast.

Kuba, shout out to you.

I also want to give another shout out to.

Actually, now that we have an actual intro.

Intro music, intro, song.

I want to give a shout out to the person who's making the beats.

His information will be all in the.

In the show notes.

Shout out to Lamar White is amazing person who just makes beats.

And I reached out to him and real talk, he's my cousin.

This is how you do.

You bring family along.

You bring people who you trust to do things, to support.

Support you.

You support them.

And it's just been after listening to our first three episodes, I've been excited, you know, so it's like, I'm happy.

I'm excited to, like, get home.

I'm not really, like, as soon as I get off the work, stop working for the man.

In my case, the woman.

Get off the work.

I get home and I would play a game, take a nap.

No, I'm up.

I'm up and ready.

So, yeah, that's awesome.

And I would like to second that.

So firstly, definitely Definitely, definitely shout out to Kuba.

It has been amazing because I was about to say impeccable, and then I was tied up between impeccable and amazing.

It has been both impeccable and amazing.

Listening to the episodes back and just how intelligent you are and how creative you are and how wonderfully your mind works as it applies to taking certain moments and piecing things together and taking sounds and really just, like, it's genius.

And I'm grateful, number one, to be a part of it.

And then I'm also grateful that I get to be on the other end of that excitement because I get voice notes and I get paragraphs of text messages from PJ in regard to how incredibly, like, he's not bullshitting, he's not just saying it.

How incredibly excited he is and how incredibly inspired he feels and about how much he's now even more inspired to, like, do different things.

Like, okay, great.

Now I think we should be doing this, and now that this has happened, I think we should really start targeting into this.

So it's, like, it's great to start seeing his mind as this mastermind creative, really kicking the gear.

So that's been awesome.

And then definitely, definitely shout out to Lamar White.

I'm used to pushing a button in a dark room with a handheld podcast microphone and just talking and then pushing publish and that being it.

So being a part of something that is so professional and so well laid out and so well thought out makes me feel really, really proud.

I'm proud of being a part of this.

I'm grateful to have been asked to be a part of this, and it makes me proud to, like, be a part of this experience.

Like, I just feel really, really accomplished.

So, yeah, shout outs all around, especially to pj, because, like, he's a amazing wonder to experience when it comes to creativity in the background.

And I'm so grateful that you all get to hear this much of it, but I really wish you could hear more.

Like, one day I'm just gonna, like, like, a snippet of a voice note so y' all can, like, take a.

Take a peek behind the veil even more.

Like, this man is, like, over here buzzing with excitement and kicking into, like, pinky in the brain, we're about to take over the world action.

And it's awesome.

It's awesome.

I am Pinky.

I am okay with that.

I'm okay, definitely.

You are definitely the brain.

But, yeah, and I. Oh, man.

Damn, why am I gonna be so angry?

But also to all you listeners out there, we really Appreciate you coming back.

If this is your.

If this is your first time here, we welcome you.

Welcome to Wahwe Ta AKA what are we even talking about?

So I realized that I'm the type of person, especially when I'm doing something or especially when I'm doing on the mic and I tell this to my kids.

You know, for those of you who don't know, I also teach high school, in the middle school, and sometimes elementary podcasting.

I have a real joy for the art of podcasting and I've learned this especially when I do public speaking.

I'm the type of person that I need to have something in my hands.

So this ring is like kind of like a fidget thing because it kind of, you know, it's loose enough giggity, right?

Look, come on, listen.

And it's important.

Like before we talk about before, I had a titty in my hand, a marker.

Y' all guys didn't hear that, but meaning y' all didn't.

That was, that was behind the scenes stuff.

But what I'm really excited to is like, she Lee, maybe somewhere down the line this can be like a live show kind of situation.

We possibly might be selling tickets, but do understand there are T shirts, hats and everything coming, you know, so.

So with that, what I would like to do at this point, and if you've been here before, you know that we always like to warm it up a bit.

I normally warm it up with a question, something that is a little deep and meaningful and thought provoking.

However, PJ inspired me this week and we're going to do something a little different and we are start something that we have so affectionately called this or that.

So I'm gonna pick one from each of these random little categories.

Oh, that's a lot of categories.

I'm not gonna pick one from each.

I'm gonna pick one from three.

But with that, I'm gonna give you a scenario and you're going to say this or that.

And you don't have to even put that much thought into like explaining.

We can do it off the cuff.

It's up to you.

I'm just going to start off with the very first one and you tell me what's your choice if it comes down to it, therapy or journaling.

Journaling.

But I want to add something to it.

Like as a podcaster, I've gotten joy out of this.

I journal, but I voice journalist.

Okay, so like, like the voice notes and you listen back.

And I listen back.

Like sometimes I'll wash dishes and as I'm washing this, washing dishes.

I'll like start recording a voice memo or I'm walking dog and I'll just be talking to myself.

But you know, people see the earphones in my ear and so they don't think I'm talking to myself.

And then later down the road, maybe about a month or two later, or maybe even a week later, I'll listen back to it to see what I was talking about, if I made sense.

I have one that was like, I did one where I was journaling about like a situation that was going on between me and my ex.

And all of a sudden I created this, these two characters like in my mind.

Like I started creating this, these voices in my head and I was like, hello there child.

What do you want to do today?

I don't want to go nowhere because I'm tired of listening to you.

Oh, child, shut up and go in the room.

Pay attention to what it is I'm telling you, things like that.

I know it sounds crazy, your face looking at me, but it's, it's, it's, I think it's like partially helps me with my creativeness, creativity, create my creativity.

There we go.

I also don't feel like I have to find the right words because that's what therapy sometimes gets to me.

So that's why I prefer journaling.

Okay.

And for me, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I love journaling.

I do it every day.

I do it in like three or four different books.

Let me see, is it actually four now?

I think I'm up to four.

I have a problem.

It might be a new obsession because I think I told you.

Like, I have the one where it asks me a question every day.

And I've been doing that one for five years.

I have the one where it asks one question a day.

That's a new one.

And I started it at the first of this year.

And then I have another one that's like the gratitude journal which is very similar to the five minute journal.

Tell me three things you're grateful for.

Tell me how you're going to make today amazing.

Give me an I am affirmation.

And then you come back at night.

And what are three ways that today was amazing?

How could you have made today better?

Reflection type thing.

And then I have one that's just free flowing.

So honestly, like, I do love journaling.

It's freeing.

It makes me feel purposeful.

It makes me feel like I'm like not holding everything in, but like I have gotten to a point in my life as to where I, I don't know if I would still be alive without my therapist.

So realistically speaking, like, yeah, I'm picking therapy every day because like that man, I don't, I don't pay him enough.

Like, and I hope he doesn't hear that because I pay you what I can afford to pay you, but I don't pay him enough.

Like he's, he's, he's come through in the clutch just like helping pull me out of some really dark place.

Yeah, we're a proponent here of therapy.

So like therapy is top tier number one.

So like what works for you is what works works for you.

And everybody needs therapy.

Now for the next situationship or solitude.

Solitude.

I am still in the solitude.

I mean like I.

And here's the thing, I want a situationship.

But that's the thing.

Like the situationship we're would require me to relinquish some of my control and solitude.

I have all of the control.

Like even like my phone is on.

Do not disturb soon as I walk in the door and then my phone goes on.

My phone is actually should be in sleep mode right now at 9 o' clock it usually goes into the sleep mode.

So if I want to pee, if I want to talk to someone, I have to actively pick up my phone.

Do not disturb sometimes notes.

Some people still can get through but sleep mode, yeah.

And it's just because I, I just want to be by myself.

But then I want somebody, I want to be loved.

So I'm, I'm.

I'm like I'm.

I'm a situationship.

No.

Maybe companionship.

Yes.

Here's me being honest with myself as well as with others.

I want a situationship.

I want to.

I.

But on, on the real, I want a situationship.

365 only because I think I'm not at that space.

And I'll explain because I see you pondering.

I am.

I'm at that place where I don't believe and this is just me and who knows?

We don't know what we're ready for until we're presented with the challenge.

But I don't believe I'm ready for a relationship.

I feel that I still have a great deal of growth, a great deal of development, a lot of things that beyond that growth and development that I just want to personally do for myself.

And I don't know that I'm ready to fully commit to another person.

However, what you said that companionship aspect.

Absolutely.

Definitely.

For sure.

But also that idea of.

And I said it to a friend recently, and I don't know what it was.

I might have been watching something on tv and it just gave me a little twinge for romance.

But I was like.

And I think we might have even talked about this.

Like, I really miss liking somebody a lot and nothing more.

No complication, no expectation, no overthinking.

Just like that fun and light energy of just really, really liking a person.

Like, enjoying the experience, of getting to experience them and getting to know them, but also taking away that expectation of, okay, this is going good, and now where do we go from here?

That's why I say situationship.

However, the solitude for me, as much as I'm learning to be comfortable in it, I don't know that I'll ever be to the place as to where I'm completely content with it, because I long to have at least one person.

And that's honestly why I've probably done some of the things that I have done in the course of the past two years as far as my dating life.

Just that idea of having somebody to flirt with, to talk to, to have that expectation of the good morning, beautiful, hey, thinking about you, the good night, whatever, blah, blah, blah.

So, yeah, situationship for sure.

I wasn't ready to be that vain or a whole.

Yeah, one more.

And this one, interestingly enough, shout out to my good girlfriend, was the one that kind of was like, this one made me think a little bit more than I think any other one that I saw on this list.

Wisdom from pain or peace from letting go?

Ooh, I know, right?

You know what?

I'll be honest.

Wisdom from pain.

Because I hold a grudge and it's hard for me to let go.

So I'm gonna say wisdom from pain.

I'd rather go through it, learn than learn the lesson so I never have to learn that shit ever the fuck again.

We are three for three.

We are three for three.

It is the piece of letting go.

And I say that because there have been so many moments in my life as to where things have hurt so badly, to the degree as to where it just felt like it would never not hurt.

Like, I would always feel this pain.

Like I will always have these negative emotions towards this person, this experience, this situation.

And I don't know, like, there's something about looking up one day and realizing, like, I haven't thought about that for a long time.

It feels really good to know that I'm not plagued by that anymore and that whatever I needed to do, even if it was just give it time or distraction or whatever.

Like, just giving myself that time and that space to move on from whatever that was.

Like, I remember I did that with an ex.

I was like, damn.

I used to cry every day.

Like, I'm talking about, like a year after the breakup, crying just down and miserable, like, he don't love me no.

More and he got somebody else and he really wants to be with them.

And, like, I was distraught and it was like, yeah, like, I hadn't thought about that in a really long time.

Maybe I'm finally moved on.

And so, yeah, there's something about that piece of knowing that beyond whatever it was and however impactful it was and what.

Whatever lesson it was set out to teach you that, like, you can move on from things and, like, knowing that, like, life gets a little bit easier and, like, challenges become a little less as time goes on.

Like, I don't know, maybe that's like some spiritual woo woo shit on my behalf.

But yeah, I see that.

I see that being a thing.

And I get it, I get it, I get it.

But you like, nah, bitch, I need no.

Because I'm a learn by doing kind of person.

So, like, I need to experience the hot fire before I know the shit is hot.

You know, I need to exp.

I can say I'm never gonna do this.

I'm never gonna do this.

And I said this in one of our previous episodes.

You know, I don't ever want to be the person who says, oh, I'm looking down upon anybody, number one, who am I to judge?

But I think, like, for me, it is really hard for me to let go, so to speak, because I. I never forget it.

And I can.

I relive it, but now I still feel like they're the same.

But I would rather experience than just let it go.

I get it.

No harm, no foul.

All right, so bonus.

I said that was just.

That was it.

But bonus.

Ooh.

I'm excited to ask you this and not just because, like, your answer could be either.

I can't predict what your answer would be, but I'm just excited either way.

Chosen family or blood family?

Chosen.

Chosen family.

Every.

Every.

Every time.

Every time.

I love my.

I love my blood family, but I like my chosen family.

I get that.

I get that.

I think had this been a few years ago, my answer would have been the same, sincerely, and not because I don't like my family, Love my family, adore my family, but I think I had just gotten to this place as to where I Had so many really close friendship relationships and I just felt so connected to a lot of people.

But after losing my mom, I think my siblings, if nothing else, are like my lifeline.

So, yeah, blood family for now.

It might change again.

They tend to piss me off.

I wish I could say that, like, you know, and maybe partially this is also my fault.

I was kicked out the house when I was young.

So my, my brothers.

I was kicked out the house when my brother was 10.

So him and I have, you know, he has abandonment issues and he's.

I, I have attributed to his.

He doesn't have many close friends because he doesn't allow people that get that close to him because I was like, he was my shadow and I never came back.

And then the other one was four when I was kicked out.

So like he, you know, we're now all building a relationship with each other.

So for so long it wasn't about my family.

The family that I was close with all moved to Georg and then I didn't meet my biological father side of my family until like my 30s.

Granted, we're all alike and we're all like.

When we all get together, it's like we never left each other.

But we also don't have to talk every day, every month, you know, Shit, we don't even have to talk about the whole year.

But it's like once we see each other, yeah, great.

But my chosen family, if I choose you, like I have.

It's so interesting that you even say this question because, you know, I am now I've been dubbed someone's gay father.

And he's a papa.

I'm.

I got cheering.

And not just one, but three and four, baby.

So three, three of them are gay, one is straight.

I was like, like three of the possible.

No, I'm playing, I'm playing.

Hey, leave it.

Leave him alone until he's, you know.

That's what he, that's what he says.

What?

He says we, you know, we.

No judgment here.

Oh, no, that's not what I meant when I said three and a possible.

I didn't do that at all.

That's not what I meant.

Now that you hear it back, yes.

I can see how that might have been interpreted.

My apologies.

I wasn't questioning nobody.

I wasn't questioning nobody's sexuality.

Not at all sexual.

But you love what you love and God loves you.

It's so like one of them shout out to you, Corey.

He, he came here the other night and like, he expressed to me like he.

I've Known him since he was 17.

And it's just watching him now.

He's 22, going on 23, and, like, watching him, like, become this young man, and him saying all the things that have influenced him throughout his years of knowing me that I didn't even think that he was paying attention to.

Like, those kind of things stick with me.

Like, it makes me, like, I don't feel like I have to be this better, better person.

But now I, like, I feel like I have kids that I have to, like, like, live good.

Like, live right for us with a better example so they can know.

I started watching Paris is Burning Again.

And, like, you know, on YouTube, there's these little clips of the stuff that was deleted.

There's a whole, like, hour long of, like, Pepe Labeija talking and all the other ones talking about, you know, being a father, being a mother of a house.

And I'm not.

I don't.

I'm not gonna try to have my own house.

I already belong to one house.

Shout out to the house of soldiers.

But I am excited for my chosen family because if I pick.

If, like a Pokemon, I choose you.

And I. I.

That means, like, you're my brother.

Yeah.

Chosen family for me, you know?

W a W E t a podcast or WAWIDA podcast.

So we're gonna spring right into this next little segment here.

I'm just gonna say we're gonna use this, and it's a.

It's a play off of let's do better.

But I really want to know, why are we like this?

Okay, so I was on a train on my way home, and I understand that I am a man of a certain age, and I do not understand what some of these young kids are saying half the time when they're speaking.

But why are we, us black and brown people, why are we the type of people who can't take nothing seriously?

Like, I was overhearing a conversation, and they were talking about being thrown out.

Like, he was being thrown out of his mother's house and he's looking for a place to stay.

And she said, well, motherfucker, you can't stay with me.

Cause motherfucker, your breasting.

And you keep walking around barefoot and all those other, like, she was reading him on the train.

Like, he was actually, like, looking for, like, some comfort.

Like, he wasn't expecting you to be like.

Or maybe he was, I don't know yet.

Relationship.

But why are.

Why are we so quick to like, down others when they're trying to be open and honest?

With us.

Why are we like this?

Why are we.

Why are we.

And now all of us as humans.

See, there's going to.

I'm a. I'm still fleshing this idea out.

So it's going to be some dedicated to us as.

As black and brown, and then us as humans.

Why are we so stuck in our own head?

Why are we so stuck in our own world?

Like we don't know that other people got their own world?

Like we're all our own universe?

It ain't about you, boo.

Ain't nobody talking about you.

Why are we like this?

Why do we keep bringing up other things that ain't got nothing to do with you?

But just because it struck a nerve, you now think everybody talking about you.

Ain't nobody talking about you, boo.

Ain't nobody saying a word to you.

Ain't nobody even mentioned your name.

Why are we like this?

That's it.

That's all I got.

You know what?

I got more so also, why are we so crabs in a barrel back to us.

Why are we so, like, gatekeeping.

Why are we like this?

Like, why do we not want to help other people?

Why do we just want to look for out for ourselves?

Why are we like this?

These are questions to ask ourselves.

And I think that's where I'm going to lead this towards.

Like, questions to ask yourself.

Why are we like this?

Am I like this?

Should I be like this?

Do I know someone who's like this?

Like, why are we so damn greedy?

Now, you know you hungry, but you know for damn sure you ain't going to eat all that motherfucking food you just put on your goddamn plate.

Like, seriously now, you see, you know what they used to say in the old days?

Like, your eyes are too big for your stomach.

Why are we like this?

And lastly, you know what?

I'm wearing a T shirt that says, if you can read it, ooh, love.

Black people like you love black culture.

Oh, okay, this is for everybody else.

Why.

Why are we like this?

Why does everybody want to be black up until it's time to be black?

Okay, and so y' all want to invite everybody to the cookout.

Y' all want to do all these necessary things.

Yeah.

I want to say all gingers are black, but those are the same ones who voted the way they voted.

Those are the same ones who will snatch their purse up cross the street when you're walking down When.

When it's time, when injustice is happening and it's happening to you.

Those are the same ones who are going to be quiet.

Why are we like this?

Humans.

We're all human.

Let's love on each other.

Okay, that's it.

Now that all that's said and done, King, what are we even talking about?

I thought you'd never ask.

So this week.

Not.

You got tickled.

Not like into preface.

Not like, I thought you'd never ask.

Like, I thought you'd never get around to it.

You never asked.

Like, damn, shit.

Shut up.

But no, this week I have decided.

And it's so funny because I go back and forth in my head a lot when it comes to this, because I want to be so intentional and I want to make sure that everything turns out great.

But sometimes you just got to say, fuck it and go with the flow and let things turn into what they're going to become.

And so this week, I have decided for the topic.

I want to talk about sex.

Baby, let's talk about sex let's talk.

About sex Baby, let's talk about you.

And me let's talk about all the good things and the bad.

Sing it.

I'm here for it.

Let's go.

I was like, now if you start spitting the verse, I'mma know something.

I. I know.

Listen.

So I'm.

I'm from that.

You know, I'm from the era.

So salt and pepper was one of my tops.

Come on, tops and box.

And verse.

Look, they got all three, you know.

So what better way to have this discussion than to start from the very beginning?

Tell us about your first time.

Unless it was traumatic.

And then let's talk about another time.

Your first chosen intentional.

You wanted this and they wanted this, and it was all fun and good time.

Okay, now that we've picked it.

Stay tuned, y'.

All.

There'll be a trigger warning on that day.

Let's see.

My first time.

Why do I feel like I hear the imx?

I think they turned into IMX this time when they were.

You remember Immature?

Yeah.

With the My First Time song.

I couldn't tell you how this song goes, but.

But my first time, we.

Okay, so are we talking intercourse?

Any.

Well, let's say anything sexual.

Okay, so let's talk.

Or intercourse, Whichever.

So works for you.

Because I was gonna say I have a few, but go ahead.

I have several.

So, like, the first time that I had a piece of meat shoved in my mouth.

Oh, yeah.

He swore up and down.

It was not my first time.

I had never.

I had never tried it before.

I never even put like, a banana, a cucumber, a carrot.

Any phallic shape, anything.

But I knew it was like.

It was like I went Super Saiyan on it.

Like, I was born to do this.

Now all I remember is that his mother was upstairs.

And right before.

Right before it happened, he was showing me, like, old photos and everything.

Like, old photos of him and his family.

Him.

When he was younger, I was laid.

I was sitting in the chair with him.

My head was in his lap, and I was going through.

Now my eyes are closed as I'm visualizing all of this.

I was going through everything, and I was like, oh, okay, this is nice.

And here come his big mama, big lady coming stomping down the stairs.

And I didn't move from his crotch.

Now I'm laid.

My head is in his lap, looking at this book.

And I'm like, hey, Ms. Deb.

And she's just like, that's the first time she met me.

That's the first time she saw me.

And that's when I became known as Phone Bill Phil.

Like, she finally met who Phone Bill Phil was.

This is the first person I actually ever met off.

Like, I met him off a chat line.

We had been talking for, like, three months before we physically met, back in the day.

Guys, if you don't know anything about chat line, there was this thing, press 1 for guys, 2 for girls, 3 for CB.

You chose CB and so it was cool.

Cause he told me he looked like Tupac, which he did.

He looked like Tupac in the face.

His waist was more like Cedric the Entertainer, no shade.

We love all shapes and sizes, people here.

But Also, I'm like 17 going on 18 and still don't know what it is.

I like.

And I literally remember her going upstairs, and then five minutes later, it was just like, I was going to town.

And he was doing all the sounds, and I was doing all of the sounds.

And I know his mother probably heard some of these sounds.

I do.

Because I distinctively remember her slamming the door and her starting her car.

And off.

Nasty ass.

Nasty ass.

We had.

Actually, all we ever did was oral.

We've never actually had sex.

And it turned insecure because he thought I was actually interested in other people and I was around with other people.

Why do all everybody always get insecure when it comes down to, like, dealing with me?

Every single last one.

Is it something that I'm doing?

Please let me know, y'.

All.

Maybe I should stop flirting.

Hey, I'm a Libra.

But it was interesting, I'll say that.

And that's the first story I'll give and we'll bounce back and forth.

Okay, so the very first time.

And it's so funny that you said that because we share that in common.

It's such a good thing to be just a natural born professional at something.

To just start out in a way with no training, no background, no preexisting skills, and to be able to enter into a realm and just put your all into it and just really shine.

I was the same way when it came to dick sucking.

It was definitely an experience for me that just was like, yeah, you lying.

You've done this to somebody before.

But, okay, so first time, I'm 18, I've run away from home because at the time I'm still in high school and it wasn't even like, run away from.

Yeah, let's call it run away from home.

Like, I left home, my parents didn't know where I was.

So right away from home, I'm in Oxford, Mississippi, which is probably an hour and 45 minutes from where I am in Memphis.

I get there, I'm with a female friend from high school.

I'm with her family.

Her uncle is also gay.

I meet my first trans person.

Oh, I miss Miss Coco.

Oh, I miss Miss Coco.

Shout out to Miss Coco.

She was hilarious.

I've never met somebody that was just so naturally and unintentionally funny.

They were just funny being who they were just because they had so much personality and charisma.

It was just.

It was amazing to experience, especially as somebody that was so young and had never been exposed to any form of gay culture whatsoever.

Like, it was.

Oh, no, it was.

It was everything.

So I'm on that magic carpet ride, okay?

I. I was.

I was immersed.

And so cut to.

I ended up going to, like, this little gathering.

We won't say house party, maybe six people sitting in an apartment, and people are talking and people are drinking.

And I was the type of person at a young age where I was always around older people.

And so something in me trained me to believe that I needed to hold myself with a certain stature and make sure that I would make people aware that nobody could intimidate me.

I had this very bold, very snappy, very, oh, I'm gonna get you before you get me, come back type of personality.

And what about myself?

Because I was always terrified, but I didn't want anybody to know it.

So at this gathering, I met the guy who, interestingly enough, had a boyfriend, but he was instantly flirty with me.

And it's so crazy because we don't think About.

And I don't wanna make light of anybody's situation, but we don't think about how age comes into effect when it comes to certain things.

Like, I'm 18, this person is 23, about to be 24.

I'm still in high school.

I'm a legal adult, but it's kind of like I still live in my mama house.

I probably still got some form of toy at home.

Is this really something you want to do?

But obviously.

So cut to.

We ended up doing our thing.

It was the things that were the thing.

The very first time was like, yeah, this ain't your first time ever doing this.

I was like, yeah, I know.

Cut to the second part of it being, are you ready for me to make love to you?

And I'm like, yes.

And me like, remembering Color Purple where Vasili was like, it felt like he was using the bathroom on top of me.

It was just, oh, my God.

Go ahead, go ahead.

I'm not gonna.

It was just very like, I was just thinking, like, wow, this is what I've been reading these erotic stories and fantasizing about and watching porn and imagining to be so great.

And that was, that was really it.

And he's, he's resting, hopefully somewhere in peace now.

So I'm not concerned about him listening to this back.

But yeah, like, it was just very boring and very blah and very non exciting.

And then the very next night on his living room floor, I fucked one of his friends.

And I quickly determined that I enjoyed being a top more than a bottom.

I, I, I can understand that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because in the beginning, I was like, why?

I was just saying this.

I don't know if this was anybody else's experience, but, like, when I first started and I was like, trying to experiment whether I want to be penetrated or not, I was like, why is this so hot?

Like, it would feel extra warm.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna get a little dirty in this part.

Warning, warning, warning.

This is nsfw.

Please make sure you are wearing headphones and the kids are out of the room because this will get explicit.

Not all the adults in, in the room.

All right, So I, for the, at the very beginning of my whole, like, life of being gay, I was not being penetrated.

I did not want to do it.

I didn't even want to put my dick in anybody else.

I was like, comes out of there next nast.

Oh, that's nasty.

But I knew from the first time that I put it in my mouth.

Put it in my mouth.

I Said my mouth.

I knew that I was a natural at it.

So I was like, I. I was.

I mean I have sucked a lot.

Of dick in my life.

Same, you know.

And I still to this day, no matter how.

And don't limit yourself to the idea of what a lot is.

If you are thinking of a number, multiply that by 10, triple that and then once you have that number, multiply it by 20.

I used to keep a book and my mother found my book and the book had like names but then it had like initials next to it.

Like, like S, S M, like SH.

Which is sucked him, him, ate him, ate me.

Like it.

And you know, it had all these codes and it was like so it, it, you know, by the time I was, you know, I was young when I was kicked out and then I went to a situation and then I had to come back into the house and I had kept all this stuff in.

I lived in the basement.

In between.

The basement were, you know, like the.

Between the floors in a house.

There's like a little.

I guess you can tuck things away in between the woods.

The woods in between the floors.

Okay.

And so she found that.

She found things that I used to use for penetration which made me really never want to be penetrated because I just did not like it.

And there was a situation where I had sex with somebody who was a blood and all his.

I don't know what you would call him.

Blood mates.

I don't know.

The crew you would call Gang.

Gang.

The whole, the gang.

That's what it is, the gang members.

They came back in the house.

Blood mates.

No, we not.

Gangster.

No we not.

You know, I'm not a gangster.

Not at all.

I just act like one.

And so they all came back in the house.

And I remember after him, I remember hiding under his bed and him running around trying to get them all out the house and me trying to crawl out the window.

Like I've had so many situations, I have no one else but a Libra will have all these random ass stories that are so entertaining.

But like I remember doing that.

I remember someone in my parents bed and thinking I left the condom in the bed.

And I still to this day don't know if I did because I do know that I. Oh, this was when I was getting penetrated.

I do remember that a condom did get lost up in me because you know, you got that grip, you pull it off and I remember, okay, hey, you know.

And I remember using two.

I don't remember if we got rid of the other One.

All I know is that next, like two days later, my parents had a lock on their bedroom door.

And so they told me it's because the neighbors told them that I took the car while they was away, which I did.

I took the car, but I went to work.

But I don't think that that was it.

I really think it was because the condom was still in the bed.

Oh, wow.

I've, you know, slept with several married men.

Yeah.

I don't think I'm answering your question.

I think I'm just now just telling on myself.

All this is to say is that when you say, multiply that by 10, let's do a hundred, baby.

I stopped counting after I reached a certain number.

And, like, I've lived a very hoish life.

You're so me.

And we're so we.

And it's so crazy because I can always say that a lot of people can say that they.

They've been with me, but not a lot of people can say that they've slept, they've.

They fucked me.

You know, we've done sexual things.

And I'm not ashamed of any of them.

That's why anybody can say anytime.

I told my cousin one day, God bit somebody, something happens to me.

And somebody will tell you that, you know, your cousin did the A, B and C. He was a whore.

And I told her, believe them, believe them.

Someone shows you who they are, who they are.

But.

And I'm, you know.

And I think that's why now, today, I feel like Faith Evans.

Faith Evans said on the drink, champ, she's like, when I was young, I fuck mad nigga.

So dick don't do it for me anymore.

And it doesn't.

So, like, sex doesn't really do it the same way that it used to.

So, like, yeah, we love that for.

You and for Faith, I was gonna say.

And I didn't wanna say it while you were saying it, but I too, kept the list.

It wasn't as detailed.

That's why when you were describing yours, I was kinda like, okay, yes, but I would.

I. I liked the idea of being able to keep it in order.

And it's so funny because I never thought about it at that time, but that definitely would have been a.

At a certain time when it was like.

There was this one time when I was burning.

I probably could have backtracked and kind of figured out how we got there.

But no, I used to keep a list and I wrote it and I'll say, I probably around 21, I was up to maybe 200.

And sincerely, I can't see that.

The glare from the light.

He's trying to share something with me.

People, we're going to get back to that.

But I remember I got.

By the time I was 21, I was up to like 200.

And that wasn't just like interactions.

It was like actual number of people that I had had intercourse with.

And I was like, yeah, we're gonna stop writing this down.

Because at this point, we don't know if we're ashamed of this or not yet.

We weren't really sure how we felt.

After you keep turning these pages, you're.

Like, should I be.

Should it be this much?

Yeah.

So yeah, because at one point it was like, okay, I might have it.

And not even thinking about it from the space of like, intentionally, like racking up numbers or putting other notches on my belt.

I think I always tell people interestingly enough and trigger warning.

A lot of my experiences came from low self esteem because I was such a people pleaser and I was so subservient.

So it was really like anybody could get it.

But not just because I was so hot for sex, but just because if you wanted me, it made me feel valued.

Yes.

And I felt that.

And in that way, something that you said earlier that was interesting, I did weaponize sex because I knew that it was something that I was good at in a way that I could in some way influence somebody's desire for me.

And that made me feel valued, that made me feel appreciated, that made me feel powerful in some way.

So, yeah, we definitely align on that.

Let me ask you this.

And it's so funny because you had said something earlier about shit comes out of there.

I was like, God forbid we talk about the first time that that happen.

Happened.

But I have stories.

I have one.

Let me.

I don't.

I.

So I can't think of exactly the very first time it happened.

I'm sure we go in to be fair warning.

Okay.

Yeah, because I was gonna say I was trying to figure out, like if I could talk around it without saying exactly what it is.

But yeah, there's no way.

Yeah, let's not go there.

Let's not go there.

Because, I mean, listen, this is.

We're here now.

You guys are still here listening to this podcast, talking this.

We welcome you.

We.

You are the real ones.

Okay.

Because it's about to get real shitty.

So if you are not as well versed in gay sex and you don't have friends who are sexually active or maybe share stories with you, I could definitely say that I don't want you to feel that this is the experience.

Like, not everybody is like this.

And there are some people who are very wholesome and who very well take care of themselves and very appreciate the value in, you know, grooming and hygiene and all of those different things.

And then there are some people that just don't.

They're the, what we like to call in this community the know your body, girls, girl.

And sweetie, if you knew, we wouldn't be here.

Obviously you didn't know as much as you thought.

Now, I will say that, I will say this.

At this ripe age of 40, going on 45, I do know my body.

And there are moments where I have, I have bottomed and I have said.

And this is as of recent, within the past year, I don't have to, I mean, also have a really great diet.

So, like, I don't.

I'm good.

I.

It's.

It's one good clean out and then boom.

Not like, why are you there for 45 minutes, man?

What are you eating?

All right, continue.

I'm sorry.

No, you're fine.

But I.

What.

What I was showing you and is I have a calendar on my phone that dated back when I.

When I moved into this apartment.

And it's called roll call.

So that was every single time I met up with someone.

I put it in my calendar.

We did this because I was also, I believe, number one, as much as we're talking about sex, understand that sexual health is very important.

And I was on first name basis with my doctor.

My doctor was really cool.

This is another conversation for another day.

But I am also 26 years now living HIV positive, so I've always did everything very safely.

I know that was a lot to swallow in one moment.

Giggity.

It's like all this.

It's like we started off with the head and then it was like, of.

Course he would have it.

But you know something?

Guess what?

All of that is attached to trauma.

We'll get in that to another day, but we'll save that for later.

Of course he would have it as crazy.

Of course he got it.

And it's so crazy how people think that way.

But yeah, we'll save that for another day.

Just know that these, there.

There are things coming down the pipeline, at least for.

For us here at what, Waita.

And it's not.

And it's not because.

Don't listen.

But baby.

Okay, so I used to this guy.

I not used to, but I did.

And he came I was working at Old Navy TV.

All right, we're flashing forward.

Not dating.

We.

And then we were together.

Boom.

Because I was like, you're mine.

I.

This guy, and he came to my house, and he just, you know, we.

He was about to.

You know, he sat on it for a little bit.

He wrote it for a nice little bit.

He had a nice little.

A little rhythm going.

And then I just.

Okay.

All right, well, I know I'm opening it up, so, I mean, I. I'm in.

I've never ex.

Experienced it this strong before.

Oh, okay.

He got up, and it just plopped out of him.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

All right.

We're about to get really nasty.

And it plopped out of him and also popped out.

It should be the.

Plopped out for me too.

And it was all over the comforter.

It was all over the sheets.

It was on the floor.

And so two days later, you know, I kicked him out.

Get out.

We.

He worked for a different store in Old Navy.

He worked for the one downtown Newark that is now since closed.

I worked for one in Livingston Mall when they were training.

They were training with us.

And he was telling people, oh, yeah, I had sex with him.

Oh, he can fuck real good.

And I'm like, I thank you so much for that.

But I wouldn't run around telling people about our sex life when you shit all over me.

Because we.

He did this in the break room, trying to, you know, gift.

And I love how people.

And this has been my experience, people used to use sex with me like it was, you know, a trophy for them.

Like, yeah, I had sex with him.

Like, yeah, so I'm somebody.

Because, you know, look at him.

Yeah, yeah, I had that.

No, you didn't have this.

Number one, sir.

Stop telling people this.

You should have loved me.

Come to find out that he was Shitty Kevin.

Not.

People knew him for his work.

So I went to.

We had the same barber who was a friend of my ex.

And he was sitting here.

He said.

And he said.

Because Kevin had just came there, and I'm telling names, so I'm feeling petty today.

I see he was.

You know, he was saying all these things, and he was like, yeah, I've had sex with him too.

He did it again, and I was just like, I wouldn't tell him that.

And then Mike said, oh, so you fuck City Kevin.

I was like, oh, he shits on all the girls.

That's Just what he's gonna do.

Oh, no.

And I was.

It was like, from then on, I just.

I. I became a person from that experience on that.

When you get to my house, you're gonna take another shower.

Okay.

And I have all the attachments.

I have all the equipment that you need.

Whatever.

You take your time.

I understand that you said you did it before you got here, but let me go ahead and do a little sniff test.

And I don't really think.

I think that.

Here, smell this.

You see what this.

That's you going in.

Take care of that.

Don't worry about it.

This.

I don't think this conversation was supposed to go this way.

No, no.

Because I have.

No, no.

I have more.

You're there and I'm here.

So two interesting stories.

So the very first time that I ever experienced a.

And God bless all of God's children.

I'm not here to racially discriminate against anyone, but the very first time and last time that I was at the.

I was right.

Continue.

The very first and last time that I ever experienced someone of the.

I am going to scream.

I am going to disconnect my bike, and I am going to get up and walk away from here.

The very first time that I experienced someone of the Mexican heritage.

We had met on an app called Black Planet.

They had hit me up.

Not an app.

That was a plant.

That was a website back in the day.

Website?

I'm sorry I said app.

It was a website.

I just have abstinence.

You're absolutely correct.

I'm aging myself and not doing it appropriately.

So we were on our website on Black Planet, and he had hit me up, and apparently he was nearby and he had wanted to hook up.

So we had gotten a room not too far from where my mom lived, a little cheap hotel room, and he came to pick me up in his truck.

The truck was loud as fuck.

He picked me up in this loud truck.

We went to the room, we did the things.

We started fucking.

I started smelling.

And then he was like, hold on, let me go to the bathroom.

And then he goes.

And there's.

Literally.

It's on the condom.

It's in my pubes.

It's on the sheets.

And he goes to the bathroom, and he comes back as if we're supposed to continue.

And I'm like, no, sir, take me home.

Cut to another occasion.

And this is the worst of it all.

There's this guy.

I used to live in this house with a friend.

May he rest.

I know so many dead people.

God bless all of their souls.

Listen, so do I.

Go ahead.

Yeah.

I've asked friends before, and I don't know if I've ever asked you this before, but I've asked friends before.

Do you feel that you would know as many dead people if you weren't gay?

I've often really pondered that for myself because I know so many, and it could be people that have died, people that have been murdered, suicide and trigger wanted.

I'm sorry, I should have said that.

But however that so shows up, I often wonder to myself, like, if I wasn't a part of this lifestyle, would I maybe know as many.

But.

But unrelated.

And I apologize for anybody that felt triggered by that.

But back to the story.

Me and a friend, we had a house in Frazier.

It's an area in Memphis, Tennessee.

And there was this guy, and he lived nearby, and he begged me.

I would see him in the club.

He would, like, at one point, we exchanged numbers.

We would text.

He begged me.

I'm saying, like, that man literally begged me for months to fuck him.

And I guess one night I was bored and I was lonely, and I was like, sure.

So he had gotten off work.

He came to pick me up.

He took me back to his house.

I'm like, okay.

Mind you, not really attracted to him, but again, bored, lonely.

You've been begging all this time?

Sure, why not?

So cut to.

We're in it.

We're going, mind you, the whole time.

And this is on me.

This is on me.

Because sometimes once you realize that something's happening, you got to stop yourself from allowing it to continue to happen.

So if you haven't learned that lesson for yourself yet, learn it from me.

Know when to leave and know when to fold.

Listen.

So I'm in it and I'm smelling, but I'm still going.

Because, like, I'm like, I want my nut.

It's wet.

It's a lot of things happening.

This man gets up after I come.

He comes, he gets up, goes to the bathroom.

It's on me.

On my.

In.

On the.

Now, mind you, earlier I said, the condom in the pubic region.

It's on the condom.

It's on the pubes.

It's on my stomach.

It's on the sheets, it's on the walls.

The walls, the walls.

You begged me for months to fuck you.

And I finally do.

And from there, you have literally had nachos, pizza, pasta, and tamales all in a day.

And said, I'm gonna go home after I get off work and get me some Dick and shit all over the room.

How it even happened in the way that it happened, I will never understand.

But you shit all over the room.

And let me tell you about how I love.

And I thank God that I've grown so much because I used to be such a not so nice person.

I saw him many years later at a party, and I was drinking because, you know, that's what we do at the parties or what we used to do at the parties.

And literally everybody that I knew, I went around the whole party telling them about how that boy had shit all over me.

So I was such a big girl.

I can see that.

But I literally, like, we were all in a circle, crowded, talking, having, like a little water cooling chat, and I was drinking.

I was like, yes, child.

The sheets, the walls, everything.

Oh, my God.

What are we even talking about?

What are we even talking about?

Because we're supposed to be talking about.

About sex.

And this, while it is included in that conversation, is not necessarily where I was intending to go when I targeted in on that topic.

Moving right along.

Moving along.

What are we even talking about?

What are we even talking about?

Listen to it now.

Now, now.

My 25th birthday.

Story time.

Y' all ready?

I didn't know this was gonna turn into story time, but this is.

This is.

This is your.

This is your week.

Unbeknownst to you.

Unbeknownst to me.

Here we go, Naang.

So shout out to my cousin who lives in Oakland, my 25th birthday.

He sets up this little situation for me.

And.

And maybe this is because this is things that I've always been into but never really explored this side of me, but it was like, I like to be watched, and I like to be watched in a way that, like, you tell me what you want to see.

So I told him this one second.

So that I can be clear and so the listeners have context.

Watched in the sense of you want somebody as a part of your sexual experience watching you, or you want to leave all the curtains open for anybody that can walk by to see you getting it on.

Oh.

So those.

Those are completely different situations, but I'm into both of those.

Okay, cool.

But thank you.

So we are at the first portion.

So my cousin is pretty well connected.

So we drove from Oakland to la and I met up with.

I don't know, he was a senior editor for a major magazine publication.

He lived in a penthouse.

He had four.

Four couches in his bedroom.

All right, so man had money, right?

Older guy, handsome.

However, he was not there.

He was not the one I was there to see.

So my cousin set up a.

A live sex show, so to speak.

And I don't really talk about this often, so it's nice to be able to get this off my chest right now.

The whole world knows, really.

So, like, I.

This man's penis was like 12 and a half by six.

Like, thick, huge.

Like, he.

His cock ring was like a shoelace.

Oh.

Because the cock ring didn't.

They didn't really.

I guess he didn't have one that was that thick.

We put on a live sex show where there were people sitting on the couches watching me get plowed at 25.

Oh, my God.

I'm just thinking about all the people who are listening to this.

Happy birthday.

That's literally what he said to me.

Happy birthday, baby boy.

And I'm just 25, laying my back and taking all of this.

And I distinctively recall kicking one person out because they weren't masturbating.

They were just sitting there.

I was like, okay, he's got to go.

I don't want him here.

Because none of them who were watching could join in.

They were.

All.

This was for them to watch.

Beat their.

Beat their dicks.

Don't touch each other.

Just watch me.

This was purely.

This was a pure.

And my cousin is also a Libra.

So this is pure, like, yeah, the epitome of, I think, the hottest sex that I've ever had.

And it was amazing.

And then I found out that he was married and he is married with a boyfriend.

So, yeah.

So I guess they had a complete open marriage.

And his wife was crazy and so was his boyfriend.

Before I left to come home, they.

We.

We also, like, hooked up several times before.

Before.

And they tried to come find me, and it was just like, we need to get to the airport.

You know, there was.

There's a lot of other things I'm leaving out, but just know that there's something special about channeling your innermost desires sober and really letting your hair down.

Because I think a lot of people get so, like, oh, it's so taboo.

They don't want to talk about this.

That's why I'm really open about all the things that I've done now.

So this was 20 years ago.

I feel like I should call my cousin right now and, like, have him on the phone and be like.

He'd be like, hey, bitch.

Yes, I remember.

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that, though.

So.

It's so funny.

Since we've been recording here, somebody has called me And I feel like most people have this, but I don't know if you have this.

Tell me.

And you probably.

And knowing you, you may not, but I have an ex.

We dated when I was 22.

Well, we met when I was 22.

We dated.

It probably wasn't even a full year that our whole relationship lasted, but during that time, it felt like forever.

And that, interestingly enough, was the ex that even a year later, I was crying over.

Like, why does he love me?

He wants somebody else.

Why is it over?

But throughout the years, it's one of those experiences where now even 40.

And when we met, I was 22, I think he was 25.

So I'm a Libra, he's a Taurus.

So, like, I turned 23, he was still 25.

And then it kind of kept going that way.

So now I'm 40.

He's 43.

Yeah, he's 43.

He just turned 43 on his birthday.

When I tell you.

What was it?

When was it?

I'll text you, because I feel like not online, y'.

All.

Yeah, I was gonna say, I feel like there are people who might know who I'm talking about.

He definitely will know if he listens, but I don't.

Yeah, but any.

So interestingly enough, throughout the years and this.

Honestly, we're pushing 20 throughout the years.

It doesn't matter how long we go without seeing each other.

For a long time.

It didn't matter who we were in a relationship with at a time, at the time.

And I feel so bad about this, because now I am kind of telling a little bit more than I probably intended to.

But you've been so.

You've been so transparent, and I feel so inspired.

You don't have to be.

No, I'm here.

We're in it.

Let's go.

So I. I. Yeah, like, it doesn't matter what.

No matter what's going on in life, no matter where we are in space and time, anytime that I've seen this man, since the first time that I saw him, I've been inside of him.

Like, I have fucked that man for decades.

And it's one of those things as to where I've never met anybody that it doesn't matter how much time we go without seeing.

He's experienced some weight loss and, like, gone through some body changes as to where, like, when we first met, he was, you know, somewhat larger.

Then he got really, really toned, and then, you Know, different things have fluctuated in that regard, but it doesn't matter what happened.

And it does.

Like, it's just.

There's always been this natural chemistry as to where, like, he knows exactly what to do, how to do it, where to go, what to maneuver.

I know all those things.

Like, when I'm fucking him, I'm literally feeling like I have.

Have found secret doors inside him.

Like, I'll be in there.

And then before you know it, it was like, damn, how did I get this deep inside of another human being?

Like, this don't even feel like this is the same hole I was in before.

Like, I found a hidden door in this hole.

And every single time, it is perfection.

And it's so funny because they FaceTime me and I text and I was like, hey, recorded a podcast.

What's up up?

They were like, just connecting with you, and we've been kind of, like, silently messaging back and forth, but this talk has just been reminding me of, like, all the times that we've ever had.

Like, he was the first.

He was one of the very first people.

Like, for a long time, I couldn't come while having, like, penetrating somebody.

I'd have to, like, eventually stop and jack off.

I just.

People be like, is it not good?

I'm like, no, it's not good.

I don't know what it would be as to why I just couldn't connect in that way.

He was one of the first people I ever busted while being inside of my do.