Love, Lust, and Lunch: Valentine’s Day in the Animal Kingdom

00:12

Jordan Tyler

If you've ever likened your ex to a hissing cockroach, this one's for you.

00:19

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Today, we're bringing you a Valentine's Day special about love, heartbreak, and absolutely unhinged dating habits across the animal kingdom.

00:27

Jordan Tyler

t that thing that happened in: 2018

00:39

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Me-ow!

00:42

Jordan Tyler

Can't forget the dogs. They must be represented. In fact, we have a very special treat for you at the end of this mini episode. A new song, composed and performed by the one and only David Perez, but as a love ballad, to my dog Lenny. Enjoy!

01:00

Jordan Tyler

So whether your heart's half full or half empty this time of year, it's Valentine's season and the animal loving community has a way for all of us to celebrate, which… it's just, it was too funny not to share. So, a couple different zoos are doing this, but San Antonio Zoo is one of them. It's their Cry Me A Cockroach Valentine's Day fundraiser, which lets people purchase and name a cockroach, a rat, or a vegetable, which are then fed to one of the zoo's animals.

01:36

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Do you get to pick what kind of vegetable?

01:38

Jordan Tyler

See, and that's where I kinda lost the plot. I was like… I feel like some vegetables have different connotations than other vegetables like, right. So, like, is the vegetable a good thing? Is it an honor to be named after vegetable or is it an insult? But I guess like the thinking behind this, okay, so are you in a great relationship? Yeah, name them after a carrot and know that you're providing a tasty snack to a hungry animal. But then on the flip side, what if you're still annoyed at your toxic ex? Just name them after a cockroach, enough said. But you'll be pleased to know that this fundraiser has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years that they've been doing it for animal care and conservation. And it's actually been picked up by many zoos.

02:24

Jordan Tyler

So, San Antonio is not the only zoo that does this. And others are picking up because one, it's eco-friendly, right? A lot of the zoos actually raise cockroaches and rats and like food animals that they feed to other exhibit animals. It's cathartic. Come on, naming your toxic ex after a cockroach… who doesn't wanna do that? And it's funny. You know, it's just funny.

02:50

Dr. Stephanie Clark

I need to start this and just film it and then be like, “I'll pay for your cockroach and I'll stomp on it.” No. Just kidding.

02:57

Jordan Tyler

Well, I don't know about you, but I definitely have a couple of exes that I would consider naming after a vermin.

03:05

Dr. Stephanie Clark

They're names are, drumroll please… No, don't give them the credit.

03:10

Jordan Tyler

Beep, beep. But also, listeners out there, we wanna know what animal would you name your worst ex after and why? So, feel free to drop us a comment, leave us a review, send us a message, but it's all fun and games.

03:28

Dr. Stephanie Clark

If you can believe it, I actually cared more about my studies than dating. So, I didn't have many boyfriends. And so, when Jonathan, my husband for all you listeners, when he started pursuing me, I literally told him that I am going places in life, and no boy is going to stop me.

03:51

Jordan Tyler

Yes, queen!

03:53

Dr. Stephanie Clark

I don't know what confident lady possessed me in that moment. I mean, I guess, ladies, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, but you’ve got to do you and no boy is worth the education.

04:04

Jordan Tyler

Yeah. 100%. Queen energy. I love that. I love that so much. But let's see how your significant other stacks up against some of nature's most incredible and unexpected Casanovas.

04:23

Dr. Stephanie Clark

So, for our first exotic lover, some species of the anglerfish, for those of you who don't know, the bottom dwellers all the way at the end of the deep blue sea. But they actually, some angler fish bite the first female they see. And I totally understand. Right? Like, if you're in the midst of nowhere, way down deep, it's dark. If I was a male angler, I would bite the first female I see. You want to latch onto them, and you don't want to let them go.

04:51

Jordan Tyler

Yeah. Get it while it’s hot.

04:52

Dr. Stephanie Clark

But if that's not clingy enough, they actually fuse to them. Now that's like stage five clinger. But scientists literally describe this sort of thing as a parasitic relationship. And I'm sure we're all thinking, not me, but others who have had the luxury of having multiple relationships. I'm sure there's been some sort of parasite in that, whether it's toxic or not.

05:17

Jordan Tyler

I cannot confirm nor deny.

05:19

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Well, what's really interesting is okay. So, yeah, they're going to bite you. What in the world's going on? Then they're going to fuse into you. Get off. Ew. No. But males actually use the female for nutrients and blood, and it really only breathes, and it's only sole purpose from then on out is to produce sperm. I mean, you want to talk about, like, you know, your life quality…

05:44

Jordan Tyler

Yeah. It's a lot of codependency happening here. It doesn't really seem like a mutual relationship.

05:51

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Could you imagine that, ladies? If you had to provide nutrients… Wait, don't we already? Don't we cook dinner? No, just kidding.

05:59

Jordan Tyler

No. This is what people mean when they say they brought nothing to the relationship. I mean, this, I mean—this guy's really, he's only bringing sperm.

06:08

Dr. Stephanie Clark

You mean that swimmer is bringing swimmers?

06:10

Jordan Tyler

But, like, come on. Isn't that table stakes? You know, do better.

06:15

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Isn't that there a saying like there's plenty of other fish in the sea?

06:20

Jordan Tyler

There you go. Exactly. Girl, take some notes because this isn't healthy.

06:25

Dr. Stephanie Clark

I mean, it's the, “If I can't have you, I don't want nobody, baby.”

06:31

Jordan Tyler

Yeah. These male anglerfish are living on a prayer out here. But since we're talking about sea creatures, another really interesting relationship that happens, in our deep blue sea are with octopuses. And I'm saying octopuses because—I know, but I'm saying octopuses because did you know that octopi and octopuses, like, the plural are actually seen as like… octopuses is seen as a very valid plural of octopus.

07:04

Dr. Stephanie Clark

No.

07:06

Jordan Tyler

And it's not just octopi. There's also the Greek version—and sorry, now I'm just getting, now I'm just nerding out—but the Greek version of the ending is octopodes. But it like really changes the like phonetics of the word and like the way it rolls off the tongue. And so English speakers’ best practice is octopuses or octopi. The more you know. But anyway, sorry, total English nerd tangent. These creatures love deeply.

07:39

Jordan Tyler

And then when I mean they love deeply, they lose themselves. So much so that the males will usually die after meeting. And they die they develop a type of dementia. So like the precursor to Alzheimer's and then they die, which is like, womp. But basically that leaves the female to do everything to take care of the eggs, which is like, okay, typical. But they obsess over this so much that they stop eating and they'll just totally neglect themselves and let them their health totally decline for the sake of taking care of their eggs. So, like some female octopodes, they die before the babies even hatch. And then the male, he's long gone. Right?

08:27

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Is that a whole new meaning to, like, “die happy?”

08:30

Jordan Tyler

He’s taking off on a good note. Tell us about there's one species of octopus that is—their mating habits are particularly interesting, and dare I say, kinda scary.

08:44

Dr. Stephanie Clark

The Argonaut octopus is super interesting. And when I was looking at the notes for this, I was like, no way. So I actually did a little bit more diving into it, because I was like… No. No, no. Like, this is… I feel like this is every female's nightmare. And let me break it down to you listeners. So, the female Argonaut octopus are so much smaller in comparison to the males that it makes reproduction really challenging. Like, for all you listeners, think of like a mastiff and a chihuahua. If you had a mastiff-chihuahua mix, you're thinking, “Lord, I hope the mom was a mastiff.” So, this is it in octopus form. So, the solution that mother nature has created is that these males have a detachable penis that swims after the female. So again, once a female is detected, the male is like, squink!

09:53

Dr. Stephanie Clark

And it detaches, flies, and attaches to them. Literally, every female nightmare. But the female doesn't mind. She says, “Finder’s keepers,” and she keeps it, and she stores it. She's like, “I'm going to keep this and save it for a rainy day.” And it's literally, they keep it until it's ready to fertilize the eggs. But have no fear. If you thought that a male octopus who can detach his penis to go chase after a female to then was going to survive, he doesn't. He dies right after it.

10:28

Jordan Tyler

He can't live without it.

10:29

Dr. Stephanie Clark

When we really say it's like their most important organ, it is for this octopus.

10:36

Jordan Tyler

Can you just imagine though: You're swimming your fish, you're swimming—Sorry, you're an octopus. You're swimming and swimming. And all of a sudden, this penis missile just comes and it's like, And it's not that you're scared, you go, “Oh, yay. Goody! I'll just keep this and put it in my pocket.” That's crazy.

10:54

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Yeah. You got a penis in your satchel now.

10:56

Jordan Tyler

It gives ghosting a whole new meaning…

11:01

Dr. Stephanie Clark

So we've talked about males merging and becoming one stage five clinger. But what happens when the male actually just approaches a female in the animal kingdom? This is where the praying mantis comes in.

11:17

Jordan Tyler

Basically, male and female, they see each other. Right? They say, “Oh, okay. This is about to go down.” So, they wrestle. They have a wrestling match.

11:27

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Not jello wrestling. Just regular wrestling.

11:30

Jordan Tyler

Here's how it goes down. If the female wins, she gets a snack. Guess what? The snack is the male. But if the male wins, then they get to mate. But then, even if he wins and they get to mate, the female will bite the male's head off during reproduction 25% of the time, about a quarter of the time. But—sorry, so many I know this is a roller coaster—the males can actually live without their heads long enough to finish the mating process and cannibalism, this praying mantis cannibalism action that's going on, apparently is supposed to increase egg production. So, it's not like she's just like having a bad day. Right? It's like she's like, “Oh, I bet if I take this guy's head with me too, that this will all turn out way better. So, I might as well!”

12:25

Dr. Stephanie Clark

She's just being a good mom. She's thinking about all the nutrients that those babies need ahead of time. Putting her child's needs ahead of our own. Really, it's quite sacrificial.

12:35

Jordan Tyler

It's selfless. I agree. Talk about a killer first date.

12:40

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Did he really die doing what he loved?

12:44

Jordan Tyler

He died doing what he loved.

12:46

Dr. Stephanie Clark

I think of, like, Finding Nemo, Bruce. “He never even knew he had a father!”

12:48

Jordan Tyler

Have you ever received a gift from an ex that was actually something that person had gifted to one of his exes in the past?

13:06

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Scandalous.

13:07

Jordan Tyler

Yeah. There's a story there for sure. For another day.

13:13

Jordan Tyler

Speaking of unexpected and maybe underwhelming gifts, the last animal with strange meeting habits—sorry, not strange, just different—are nursery web spiders. And they actually got their name because the female spider creates a little tent that protects its babies after they hatch. So, that's cute. So, basically, the male will come up to the female spider with some food wrapped in webbing, and it's like a little present. It's like, “Hey, girl. I thought you might want this. How would you feel about maybe mating?” And then if she accepts it, then the female will eat the little snacky while the male mates with her. So, like, that seems good, mutually beneficial. Right?

13:59

Dr. Stephanie Clark

He learned from the praying mantis.

14:01

Jordan Tyler

Yeah, wrong. The males often lie and will bring her like a twig wrapped in webbing or like an exoskeleton of like some other bug or something that like he already ate, sloppy seconds. You know, sometimes the female's like, you know, whatever. I wish you didn't do that, but fine. Other times the female's like, I did not consent to this, and now I'm going to attack you. So, let's just be a lesson, really.

14:36

Dr. Stephanie Clark

If you're not willing to give a good gift, don't give a gift at all.

14:41

Jordan Tyler

That's a good adage.

14:43

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Just save your webbing.

14:45

Jordan Tyler

Just save it, girl. This is why you check the box first and then say thank you. But only if you actually do like the gift, you know? Be true to yourself.

14:55

Dr. Stephanie Clark

And if it's delicious, we're not judging you if you want to eat it in all in one sitting.

15:00

Jordan Tyler

Yeah, yeah. And sorry—if you if you get a gift from Stephanie, say thank you. And also tell her that you like it even if you don't like it. That's a winning strategy.

15:11

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Thank you for remembering. That… that means something. Thank you.

15:16

Jordan Tyler

Okay. So, those are some funky… I don't know if funky is the right word there… Colorful and curious ways that animals attract each other. But not all animal relationships are toxic. Right?

15:32

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Suckers for love or they're just down for the puppy love.

15:38

Jordan Tyler

Let's start out with the white spotted puffer fish. And Stephanie, do want to kind of take us through this ritual? This is maybe one of the cutest things I've ever heard.

15:46

Dr. Stephanie Clark

So, males spend at least a week making some intricate circle in the sand. It's going to make it all fancy, very pretty, decorate it, maybe even some squiggles, some feng shui over here. They'll use shells, corals. I mean, we're talking like interior designing to the max. But this is actually a nest. It's a love nest. I haven't seen a picture of this, but I kind of do now. The circles are so precise, so meticulously done, that they can be identified from above. So, I mean, they're going to attract the females. They're going to be like, “Wow, who is your designer? I must know. Let me come see it.” So, if the female says, “I like your circle, boy. I like what you're doing.” She will lay eggs in the center, and leave the male to watch over them while they incubate and hatch.

16:37

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Now that is a true male. That's like really stepping up, being an involved dad, being a there-for-them dad. You know, the whole daddy daughter dance to the max.

16:48

Jordan Tyler

Very hands on, very fins on. And I thought it was interesting. This is like speaks to how endearing this little ritual is that a male will build a completely new unique nest every time he's trying to attract like a singular female. And so well, I guess that's not really how it works. Anytime he's trying to attract a female. So, if he tries to attract a female with his digs, with his crib, and the female is like, not digging it. And he doesn't get any mates. He'll just move on and make a new nest somewhere else. He's not pimping that thing out for other women. Certainly not. Ain't no sloppy seconds here.

17:27

Dr. Stephanie Clark

He's seen MTV Cribs. He knows.

17:32

Jordan Tyler

We're going back above ground. Prairie voles—they mate for life. So, like commitment check. Like, yeah, so cute. They cuddle. They cuddle with each other and they raise their offspring together. This is very modern, equal distribution co-parenting vibes. We love it. We love it so much. They'll defend the nest together and they're so connected and so in tune with each other that they'll become stressed if they sense their partner is stressed. And they'll cuddle up with each other and touch each other to calm them down. It's just, it’s so cute. And then it also said when they are separated, they show symptoms that are similar to grief. So like, these prairie voles, they love each other!

18:24

Dr. Stephanie Clark

They kind of remind me of like otters. Like how like the mom hold hands with the baby, so like they never stray away.

18:30

Jordan Tyler

Mhmm.

18:31

Dr. Stephanie Clark

That's just the feeling I'm getting from these prairie voles. I guess all voles aren't bad.

18:36

Jordan Tyler

I'm just imagining, I have this beautiful warm fuzzy picture of like a Frog and Toad-style little den of this family of voles. And they're all just like, you got the dad's like in the recliner reading newspaper. Anyway… It's just a happy family.

18:54

Dr. Stephanie Clark

The fact that you said frog and toad, I was like, yes. I’m sold.

18:59

Jordan Tyler

So, in case we needed any more proof that rodents are actually more emotionally available than some of my exes, here you go.

19:08

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Ladies, when in doubt, still have faith. If voles can do it, human males can too. Maybe.

19:18

Dr. Stephanie Clark

But let’s talk about another animal that the male definitely puts his all into it. And dare I say, are more endearing gifts, maybe… or maybe more thoughtful gifts than the nursery web spiders. But the Gentoo penguins, you may say it's just a rock. But, I mean, don't we propose with rocks, too? I called it a rock, but I guess a stone is more pretty. Right? Like, it's a prettier way. A stone is a more thoughtful rock. There we go. So, these Gentoo penguins, a male finds a single female. He says, “Hey, lady. I like what your feathers do.” And he gives her a stone. But if the female likes it, she says, “Hey, I'm going to one up you on your stone, and I'm going to bring you a stone because you deserve a little gift.” Mutually beneficial. But so, they go back and forth.

20:17

Dr. Stephanie Clark

“I will bring you a stone.” “No. I'm going to bring you a stone.” “I will bring you a stone next.” And they take turns giving each other stones until they build a nest together. Could you imagine if that's how we found our husbands, wives, partners, spouses. “I'm going to put a brick right here, and then I'm going to put a brick,” until we build a house together, no one would ever move.

20:40

Jordan Tyler

No one would ever move. And honestly, I feel like everybody would be single because who has the patience for that?

20:46

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Or you would be in a relationship and you would never get a divorce because you've seen the worst. Right? If you have built a house together, you know you've gone through some like trials and tribulations. So anyway, they go back and forth. They build a nest. Why are they building a nest? Because in the animal kingdom, nests are for one thing and one thing only, and that's for laying eggs. And so, the… is it the male penguin? I thought it was the male penguin that watches over them. Is that true?

21:15

Jordan Tyler

Yeah. I think that they trade off. I think that in most species, the male penguin is the one that, like, keeps the baby warm when they're, like, all huddled up and then, like, the female goes and finds food. But I think maybe Gentoo penguins are a little more, they kind of, like, share those roles. I could be wrong.

21:34

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Tell me about this infidelity is punishable by banishment.

21:37

Jordan Tyler

If a penguin is unfaithful to their partner penguin, then—and the group, like, finds out about this and, like, it becomes drama, you know? If the tea gets spilled, that penguin who was unfaithful could literally get kicked out of the group, like kicked out of the pack, if you will.

21:57

Dr. Stephanie Clark

You know, there's a thing or two people could probably learn. Like, it would probably stop a lot of infidelity. If people took the same thing and, like, if you cheated, you're banished from your town, all the people that you have connections with… People wouldn't do it.

22:14

Jordan Tyler

It's kind of toxic in the realm of, like, individualism and rights, I suppose. However, I wouldn't be opposed.

22:23

Dr. Stephanie Clark

No. I wouldn't either. I would banish you. I would—I would get on board. If I found out that a neighbor cheated, I would banish them from the neighborhood. I would egg their house.

22:34

Jordan Tyler

Look out Stephanie's neighbors. She will come for you.

22:38

Dr. Stephanie Clark

There will be no infidelity in my neighborhood. No, I'm just kidding. I'm Batman. No. rife.

22:43

Jordan Tyler

In a neighborhood rife with infidelity, only one doctor can keep us safe. Alright. So, tons of crazy facts, crazy animal facts, and plenty of jokes, plenty of laughs. Again, this is all just in good fun. We hope that you all have a really amazing Valentine's Day, whether you celebrate or not. But remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and love doesn't always look like roses and chocolates. Sometimes, it's like a vole who never leaves your side or a dog who thinks you're the best thing that's ever happened.

23:26

Dr. Stephanie Clark

So, whether your Valentine brings you flowers, pebbles, emotional baggage…

22:32

Jordan Tyler

…or whether you did name a cockroach after your ex—no judgment.

23:37

Dr. Stephanie Clark

You do you, boo. Just remember, someone out there thinks that you are the bee's knees.

23:44

Jordan Tyler.

Your pet definitely does. But before we go, two more little treats. Check out our show notes for today's episode. If you're looking for a cozy activity to share with your pet this Valentine's Day weekend, we've linked a collection of homemade pet treat recipes for you to try out. Technically, they're holiday themed, but it's still winter and your pet can't read, so they'll never know. How would they know?

24:19

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Barking Mad. If you want to learn more about BSM Partners, please visit us at www.bsmpartners.net. Don't forget to subscribe on your favorite leading podcast platform or share it with a friend to stay current on the latest pet industry trends and conversations.

24:44

Jordan Tyler

We'd also like to thank our dedicated team, Ada-Miette Thomas, Neeley Bowden, Kait Wright, Cady Wolf, Anna Guilfoyle, and Jacob Parker. A special shout out to Lee Ann Hagerty and Michael Johnson in support of this episode, and to David Perez for our original music in the intro and outro. And finally, for the moment you've been waiting for, we present the original song: Lenny Love.

25:07

Dr. Stephanie Clark

Happy Valentine's Day!

25:09

Jordan Tyler

We love you!

25:07

Jordan Tyler

Coming home,

It was a long, long day

But it’s better now

That I’ve seen your furry face

Unconditional love

That’s just your way

All you’re asking

Is for a W-A-L-K

You’ve never lied

Never made me cry

Only tears of joy

‘Cuz you’re a good, good boy

You’re my valentine

And it’s only right

You may steal all the covers

But you’re always here at night

Yeah, you’re my valentine

Tried and true

I don’t need roses

‘Cuz I’ve got you.

I love you, Lenny.

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