The whole reason I got into this ministry is because my wife Sarah started one first. Her program, My Delight, helps Catholic wives discover more intimacy, joy, and pleasure in sex within their marriages. In this episode, I'll talk about some of the real challenges women face that we as husbands may not fully understand, from the lasting effects of purity culture to pain during intercourse. I'll share what I've seen behind the scenes as Sarah has walked women through incredible transformations, read a couple of testimonials that blew me away, and tell you why this could be one of the best investments you make as a couple. Grab a cup of coffee and let's chat.

Check out My Delight here!

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So this community is really about men learning to love their wives better.

But there's a really obvious central fact here that love is not just one way.

Right?

Obviously, in marriage, we love our wives, but our wives love us.

And when we talk about love and marriage in general, of course, this mutuality, this reciprocity, back and forth, give and take, this is a beautiful dynamic of love and marriage.

And of course, this is reflected in the bedroom.

So when we talk about sex, there are many, many things that we can do as men to become better lovers for our wives, both inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.

At the same time, there are also many things that women can do to become better, more confident lovers in the bedroom as well, both inside and outside.

It's mutual.

It's reciprocal.

You know, the whole reason that I got into this ministry of talking with you men about becoming better lover for our wives is because my wife Sarah, first started a ministry to wives.

Her ministry is called My Delight.

In it, she helps women find more intimacy, joy, and pleasure in sex.

That is her whole purpose.

And I want to talk to you a little bit about her program, because her program, like Holy Desires, opens once in the spring and once in the fall, and.

And her spring class enrollment is open now.

So if this is something that you as a couple would think is a good investment for your marriage, for your connection, yes.

For your physical connection, your sexual connection, but also just that marital connection as a whole, her class is incredibly transformative and profound.

So I want to talk a little bit about my perspective of watching Sarah help women in her course.

It not only helps wives, but obviously if the wives are, you know, discovering a deeper intimacy and joy and pleasure in sex, obviously their husbands are too.

They.

There's benefit to that.

Right?

Again, it's that mutuality and reciprocity.

So this episode is going to be about My Delight and about that as a resource for.

For any of your wives that might be interested in it.

And it really is an investment as a couple.

Right.

I mean, you should be totally on board and encouraging her as she goes through Sarah's program if that's something that.

That your wife is interested in pursuing.

Why did Sarah start this program, this ministry called My Delight?

Well, the church has beautiful teachings on sexuality, and we will go into more and more of those through throughout this show, but they all come down to this.

Sex is beautiful, sex is sacred, Sex is good.

God created it.

It's a mutual giving of self.

Like, there's just beautiful, beautiful theology around sex in marriage.

And it's wonderful but here's the, here's the question that very few people are speaking about.

What happens when sex is not beautiful in your marriage?

What happens when it's not this beautiful expression of mutual self love and self gift?

What happens when it's painful?

What happens when it's, when there's tension, when there's frustration?

What happens when it does doesn't just sort of work the way that it should.

That's what Sarah helps women do.

And so the challenges that women face in the area of sex and intimacy, you know, there's obviously some overlap and some of them are just human challenges.

But this is the area where men and women are different, right?

And the challenges are also different and distinct.

So some of the things that Sarah's My delight course and community and ministry help women with are things like navigating intimacy after purity culture.

Oh my gosh, this is such a big one.

The culture, as we all can agree, does not have helpful or healthy perspectives on sexual.

Right.

It's, it's either far too permissive, right?

Just have sex with anyone you want.

As long as there's consent, it's good.

That's what the culture would have us believe.

Other parts of the culture, including more conservative sections of the culture, as a reaction against that kind of swing the pendulum too far the other way.

And sex is just bad.

It's bad.

And, and there's this real purity culture which can really get ingrained, I think, in women.

Men can be affected by this too, but I think it's.

It affects women even more.

And when women grow up as girls and young adults and, you know, dating and they have these messages that sex is bad, naughty, dirty.

It is very, very difficult for a woman who has had those messages for decades, right, to suddenly flip the switch on her wedding night.

And sex goes from bad and naughty and dirty to good.

That's a really hard flip to make.

And a lot of my delight and a lot of women who have gone through my delight have successfully done a lot of interior work in their mind, in their heart, in their spirit to make that switch, right?

To go from sex is bad and I shouldn't want it to sex is good.

Sex is actually created by God and it's good for me to desire my husband, right?

That's a really hard switch to make.

And Sarah's class does an amazing job of helping women through that transition.

And you can imagine how that will help the marriages, right?

And, and the overall physical connection.

Another thing that women tend to experience far more than men is pain during Intercourse.

Many of the women in Sarah's program that do experience pain, some of them don't even let their husband know that they are experiencing pain.

So here is a call to you.

Previous episodes of this show.

Talk about how to have a conversation about sex with your wife.

This should be one of the questions that you ask your wife.

Hey, is, is sex painful for you?

Like, do you experience pain during sex?

If so, just know it should not hurt like it shouldn't.

So pain is a signal that there's something wrong and pay attention to that and get help.

Because your wife will not enjoy sex if it's painful.

That should go without saying.

Things that are painful are not enjoyable.

So, but.

But there is help.

And that's the other thing, because so many people aren't talking about these issues.

You know, the therapies, the physical therapies, the, you know, the, the work interiorly with our, with our mind and our spirit and our hearts to help relax and enjoy and embrace sexuality and sex within marriage.

Because that's not spoken about very much.

People don't even know that there is help.

They don't even know, first of all, that it's, you know, that this is an issue.

Maybe it's just normal.

And some, some people just, you know, might accept it as normal.

And that's so tragic.

Sarah and I are on a mission to bring awareness to these issues and to bring awareness to the fact that sex should never hurt.

It should not be painful.

It should be a.

A time of joy and pleasure, not of pain.

And if there is pain, again, like I said, that is a signal from our body that something is wrong, and we need to pay attention to that signal.

And there are therapies and, and ways to get help.

So prioritize that.

Okay, so experiencing pain is one thing.

Another big challenge that many women have is experiencing an orgasm.

How do women experience a climax, an orgasm?

Honestly, I will tell you guys, for us, for us men, for husbands, it is generally much easier.

It can be a real challenge for women to, you know, relax and go through the entire arousal curve and experience and orgasm.

It.

There are many things that we can do as husbands to help our wives through that.

And both Sarah's course, my Delight for Women, and my course, Holy Desires for Men, go through that in great detail.

How do women's bodies experience pleasure?

For as much as our culture talks about and depicts sex, there is a real lack of knowledge about the mechanics of the female body and how it experiences pleasure.

And so there's a lot of, like, remedial biology that's not remedial, but a lot of biology that is covered in both of our classes with some real specifics about how to help women experience pleasure.

Here's a tip and it's in my free guide.

If you haven't downloaded this, it takes a lot more time on average for women to get all the way to an orgasm than it does for men on average, usually about three to four times as much time.

So that's one tip that husbands can do immediately to help their wives experience more pleasure and more connection and more joy in their physical connections in their times of lovemaking, is to slow way down.

It's not a sprint, it's not a race to the finish line.

Slow way down and really focus on your wife and give her the, the pleasure, the attention that she needs in order to experience the same joy and delight and pleasure.

Hopefully that comes much more naturally to most men.

What else there, you know, women obviously of hormonal changes as they go through their monthly cycles.

They experience additional and different hormonal changes as they approach perimenopause and menopause.

The fertility and how fertility interacts with intimacy and how to navigate all of that with pregnancy, with postpartum.

All of those entire sets of questions are really unique to our wives experience as a woman and we can support as husbands.

But it's something that as men we're never really going to experience.

We're never going to experience that directly.

We can only be empathetic and help our wives as they experience those things.

That's a big part of My Delight as well.

And you know, that's, that's why there's a specific course for women and different one for men.

Because we do have different issues.

And it's good to talk about the issues, you know, in a safe place with other women who get it.

Because we as husbands, much as we can be empathetic, we just don't get it.

We can't, we can't get that.

Okay, so those are some of the, of the issues, you know, that are, that are somewhat unique to women and sex that Sarah helps women through.

So in addition to all of those issues that are specific to women, there's a lot in My Delight which really helps with communication within marriage.

Talking about intimacy, how to initiate, you know, the whole goal of My Delight is like it says, if you, if you look at the My Delight enrollment page, it is a 90 day program to more intimacy, joy and pleasure in sex.

That's the goal.

And whatever issues each individual woman who Enrolls in Sarah's course.

Whatever issues they have, whatever challenges they have, whatever frustrations they have, whatever it is, Sarah is so compassionate and so wise at helping women through those issues and also pointing them to additional resources as.

As needed.

Right.

It is a phenomenal class and I just want you to be open to investing in this if your wife would benefit from this experience.

It's 90 days with a community of like minded Catholic women.

It's all Catholic.

It's all wrapped in the spirituality and tradition and truth of the Catholic Church within sacramental marriage.

And I just want to read to you a couple of the testimonials.

You can see these on the website of women who have gone through this.

And it's like I said, I'm just so proud of Sarah.

It's so profound, the transformation that women have.

Have found.

One woman says, intimacy has taken on a whole new meaning for me and woken up our marriage with fun included, and woken up my heart.

Can you imagine being the husband on the, on the other side of that wife?

Right.

What joy he must have as well, with fun and meaning in sexuality.

Again, in their connection.

Another woman says, this is the first day I have felt comfortable and happy in my sexuality and fertility.

I feel so well integrated with these aspects of me that I used to feel alienated from.

How beautiful is that.

It really offers tremendous transformation for wives specifically to be open to the joy, the beauty, the pleasure of sex.

I'll just, I'll leave you with this.

We know that we can only change ourselves.

We can't change our wives.

We can be encouraging, we can be supportive.

But if there are challenges, if there are frustrations, if there are issues that you're wiring, there are certain things that only she can do for herself.

And if she is showing a willingness to invest and address some of those frustrations, some of those challenges, some of those, the interior work, all of it.

If she is willing to invest in making your sexual relationship and your sex life better, guys, you should jump at that opportunity.

You absolutely should.

It will pay dividends not only for your wife, but for you too.

For you too.

You will.

You'll reap the benefits of this experience through your wife.

So my delight is open for enrollment from February 9th through February 12th.

These four days this week only.

After that, it's going to.

The enrollment will close and Sarah's going to start running the class with the group of women who join for the spring.

So I really encourage you and your wives to check out the enrollment page where you can find lots more information about the class is@canofeast.com mydelight and of course I will put that link in the show notes until next time.