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Importance Keeping Up Appearances in Dementia Care: looking good and feeling good counts.
Episode 128 • 17th July 2024 • Eldercare Success • Nancy May, CareManity, LLC
00:00:00 00:10:50

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Why it's Important to Help Mom and Dad Maintaining Appearance, Even if They have Dementia!

In this next episode of Eldercare Sucess, Nancy May addresses an issue few mention: why looking good is important, even if your parent or loved one has dementia.

💇‍♀️Ever wonder why it's crucial to keep our parents with dementia looking and feeling their best, even on their toughest days? This episode dives into the profound impact of appearance and self-esteem on their overall well-being. Tune in to learn why a simple haircut or a stylish outfit can make a world of difference for your loved one.

In this episode of "Eldercare Success," host Nancy May shares her experience and valuable insights on the importance of maintaining the physical appearance of our parents who live with dementia. From ensuring regular salon visits to avoiding demeaning adult bibs, Nancy emphasizes how looking good can boost self-esteem and improve the quality of life for those battling cognitive decline. These points will make your life and job in caring for them easier and better too.

📌Key Takeaways:

  • 👵👴Physical Appearance Matters: How regular grooming and even the simplest stylish clothing can significantly enhance the self-esteem of individuals with dementia.
  • 🌟 Impact on Treatment: Being well-kept can influence how caregivers, medical professionals, and strangers treat your loved ones.
  • 🧠Self-Esteem and Health: Maintaining a positive self-image can contribute to mental and emotional health, making daily living more enjoyable and dignified.
  • 🙌Practical Tips: How to avoid using adult bibs that look like oversized baby bibs; and, instead opt for more dignified solutions like larger utensils or quick wardrobe changes post-meal.

Personal Stories and Anecdotes: 👗

Nancy recounts her own challenges and triumphs in caring for her parents, including confronting a well-meaning aide about her mother’s increasingly bad haircuts and the joy of seeing her mother light up with new, stylish clothes.

Helpful Links: 📌

💪 How you can help:

If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend, family member, or even someone you see at your local coffee shop who might be dealing with similar caregiving challenges. Don't forget to subscribe to "Doing it Best with Eldercare Success" on your favorite podcast platform and leave us a five-star review. Your support helps us continue to bring valuable content to caregivers everywhere. Visit EldercareSuccess.Live to leave Nancy a voicemail with your questions or comments for a chance to be featured on the show.

🎧🎤Host: Nancy May has gone from the Boardroom to the Emergency Room to care for her aging parents and educate business owners, corporate employees, and leaders with more strength and confidence in doing well and doing good.  Nancy is the five-star author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After! and an award-winning expert in managing the complexities of caring for an aging parent or family member, even from over 1200 miles away, or more for a Free File-of-Life to www.howtosurvive911.com. 

Nancy is also the  Co-Founder of CareManity LLC and the private FaceBook group Eldercare Success.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek advice from your own personal medical, legal, or financial advisors, as each person’s situation is different. (c) Copyright 2024 CareManity, LLC, all rights reserved. CareManity is a trademark of CareManity, LLC.

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Transcripts

Nancy May:

Hey everybody, it's Nancy May and Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.

Nancy May:

Years back, I remember flying down to see mom and dad.

Nancy May:

It was always a treat for both of them, mom, dad, and

Nancy May:

me and spending time together.

Nancy May:

although mostly my visits were to monitor their well being.

Nancy May:

Make sure aides were doing their job well, seeing firsthand versus

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phone calls, video monitoring, and emails is always the best way to make

Nancy May:

sure that things are kept at best.

Nancy May:

I'd also use that time to make sure I could go to doctor's appointments

Nancy May:

and keep that refrigerator stocked with fresh, healthy foods.

Nancy May:

and then any extra effort I could do to make their aides caregiving

Nancy May:

job just a little bit easier.

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but one thing had been bothering me on these visits.

Nancy May:

And it was getting worse.

Nancy May:

I know my lead aide had been trying to be very conscious about helping me maintain

Nancy May:

a good budget and had decided to take it upon herself to become mom's hairstylist.

Nancy May:

This aide also loved shopping for sparkly blingy clothing for mom,

Nancy May:

which mom loved, and we all enjoyed seeing the smile on her face.

Nancy May:

When she saw some shiny new shirt or a cute pair of pants, but that haircut.

Nancy May:

Well, they kept getting worse and worse and worse.

Nancy May:

You see, the reason why bring this up is because physical appearance and style

Nancy May:

was always important to mom and dad too.

Nancy May:

But we're talking about mom this time.

Nancy May:

From the very first day that I can remember, mom always

Nancy May:

took pride in how she looked.

Nancy May:

for herself and for dad.

Nancy May:

She took weekly trips to the beauty salon.

Nancy May:

And then taking special care in between each salon visit with her

Nancy May:

teased hair and that gentle backflip style of a bouffant of the day.

Nancy May:

Then as times changed and styles changed, the teasing and the lacquered hairspray

Nancy May:

styles became a lot more relaxed.

Nancy May:

Clothing was another important thing for mom.

Nancy May:

I remember a very special Easter hat that she had with these delicate

Nancy May:

little strawberries that would hang off tendrils on the top of a small cap.

Nancy May:

I don't know what it was, but I just loved watching those things

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dance around the top of her head.

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and I remember when she bought a brightly colored lily pulitzer

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dress that came into style.

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Dad loved that one too.

Nancy May:

But now lily pulitzer is back in fashion.

Nancy May:

But what does this have to do with mom who had dementia?

Nancy May:

Well, actually quite a lot.

Nancy May:

As I mentioned, mom's handy aid haircuts were We're going

Nancy May:

from bad to what the heck.

Nancy May:

I knew mom was still checking herself out in the mirror and as time went

Nancy May:

on she wasn't feeling too good about herself and she wasn't looking too good.

Nancy May:

so on one visit and during one of our regular group aid meetings to assess

Nancy May:

where things really were going from the aid side too, I blurted out.

Nancy May:

What the heck is up with mom's hair?

Nancy May:

She looks like hell.

Nancy May:

all of a sudden, there was stunned silence.

Nancy May:

my lead aide at the time said, she likes it when I cut and style her hair.

Nancy May:

My reply?

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Take her to a salon.

Nancy May:

You're doing a bad job.

Nancy May:

Okay.

Nancy May:

Sometimes I open mouth and insert foot.

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However, sometimes being blunt and letting those working for your folks

Nancy May:

know who's in charge is important.

Nancy May:

not just for yourself, but for your parents.

Nancy May:

You see, even with dementia, appearance is important.

Nancy May:

Not just physical hygiene, although that's critical to good health, but simple,

Nancy May:

plain old looking good or looking hot.

Nancy May:

is important to self esteem.

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and yes, anybody who has dementia or Alzheimer's still has a sense

Nancy May:

of self importance and self esteem.

Nancy May:

Yes, self esteem is important to all of us.

Nancy May:

And if that feeling of looking good and feeling good is lost, it can

Nancy May:

often cause individuals with dementia to feel insecure, lose confidence in

Nancy May:

themselves and their ability to do things for themselves, even worse, even

Nancy May:

wanting to get up the next morning.

Nancy May:

can you imagine looking in a mirror day in and day out and seeing yourself?

Nancy May:

Just sloppy and unkept for days on end?

Nancy May:

You'd probably quickly lose interest in doing much of anything yourself, let

Nancy May:

alone wanting to sit outside in the sun.

Nancy May:

Now imagine if you had dementia.

Nancy May:

How much worse you'd feel.

Nancy May:

Making sure our parents have a way to maintain their appearance is important.

Nancy May:

It creates a sense of positive self esteem and gives them

Nancy May:

a greater sense of normalcy.

Nancy May:

Doing so can also impact how we or others treat our parents.

Nancy May:

If you don't look good, (we're not talking about Miss America here

Nancy May:

by any means, but just looking nice), then others, Aids, Doctors,

Nancy May:

Hospitals, Restaurant Servers, etc.

Nancy May:

tend to lower the way they treat our parents.

Nancy May:

It's sad but true.

Nancy May:

Have you ever seen anybody standing on line who looks kind of disheveled?

Nancy May:

and how people tend to just sort of stare or even back away a little bit?

Nancy May:

That can happen to your folks too.

Nancy May:

Beyond good haircuts and dressing well, I have another pet peeve.

Nancy May:

And this one's important too.

Nancy May:

It's those adult bibs.

Nancy May:

I saw oversized baby bibs with a catch all type pocket at the bottom,

Nancy May:

quite often being used in the facility where mom and dad first lived.

Nancy May:

I understand why AIDS place those things on some of the residents at mealtime,

Nancy May:

But, if they do not look like something that an adult would wear, ditch it.

Nancy May:

Yes, this is my opinion, but I think it shows lack of respect

Nancy May:

and understanding for somebody who's having difficulty eating.

Nancy May:

In that case, find a way to make sure that food is more

Nancy May:

easily able to stay on a fork.

Nancy May:

They have bigger forks, bigger spoons, some that are just easier to handle.

Nancy May:

or simply plan on a quick change after a meal, a blouse, a shirt,

Nancy May:

a t shirt, whatever it is.

Nancy May:

It's okay.

Nancy May:

it's only a piece of clothing and can be easily thrown into the wash.

Nancy May:

helping your parents.

Nancy May:

Keep a sense of physical pride in themselves is important.

Nancy May:

It makes them feel better about themselves, and you

Nancy May:

feel better about them too.

Nancy May:

It will support their desire to stay strong and healthy and mentally positive.

Nancy May:

PMA all the way was one of my mom's sayings.

Nancy May:

Dad would say, don't let the bastards get you down.

Nancy May:

Well, I guess that's just another way of saying PMA.

Nancy May:

Physically looking good encourages normalcy, even when days are

Nancy May:

tough, physically and emotionally.

Nancy May:

there's nothing better than feeling self sufficient.

Nancy May:

Even when you can't do things entirely by yourself.

Nancy May:

And having a sense of pride in looking good also help somebody want to continue

Nancy May:

to contribute to the world, even if that's only in their own home, with a

Nancy May:

family member, or just helping out in aid.

Nancy May:

It's just a matter of respect.

Nancy May:

Now, if you're not living with your parents, or even if you are take a

Nancy May:

look at how they're physically looking.

Nancy May:

don't have to really be ready for the next Yves Saint Laurent Runway.

Nancy May:

Runway event, but looking good will help them physically and mentally.

Nancy May:

It may even help with some cognitive challenges.

Nancy May:

Vanity can be a good thing for them and you.

Nancy May:

On your next visit with mom and dad, pay them a compliment and see how they react.

Nancy May:

Gee mom, you're looking good.

Nancy May:

My mom once told me, you're full of shit.

Nancy May:

Well, she certainly told me how she was feeling, but if they smile and say thank

Nancy May:

you, you know, you're on the right path.

Nancy May:

And if they frown and look a little bewildered, you also know

Nancy May:

what path you're on, other than the comment that my mom have said.

Nancy May:

I hope this short episode helps you think just a little bit differently

Nancy May:

in caring for mom and dad.

Nancy May:

And it'll help yourself too.

Nancy May:

Pride in our parents also gives us extra pride in who we

Nancy May:

are and how well we're doing.

Nancy May:

Looking good can help both ways.

Nancy May:

On that note, if you're looking good, you'll also want to do good.

Nancy May:

one way you can do that is by getting the book, How to Survive 9 1 1

Nancy May:

Medical Emergencies, a step by step guide before, during, and after.

Nancy May:

You'll learn what to do in the most difficult times,

Nancy May:

and How To Manage Through A Healthcare System That Is Not Always Looking Out

Nancy May:

For You And Your Folks Best Interest.

Nancy May:

Being Ready Versus Reacting.

Nancy May:

is the best gift that you can give yourself and your folks.

Nancy May:

Also, if you like the show, go to eldercaresuccess.

Nancy May:

live and give it a five star rating.

Nancy May:

You can give that rating there, Or you can go to your favorite listening

Nancy May:

platform from eldercaresuccess.

Nancy May:

live as well.

Nancy May:

Finally, if you have a question or comment, please leave me a voicemail

Nancy May:

message or drop me an You can also do that at EldercareSuccess.

Nancy May:

Live.

Nancy May:

There's a blue tab on the right hand side of the screen that

Nancy May:

says, Leave Nancy a voicemail.

Nancy May:

You can leave me a voicemail or send me an email.

Nancy May:

Simply click and follow the instructions.

Nancy May:

It's easy.

Nancy May:

I'll read your comment or question on the next episode.

Nancy May:

thank you for following and being a part of the Eldercare Success Podcast family.

Nancy May:

Thank you for following, listening, and being a part of the

Nancy May:

Eldercare Success Podcast family.

Nancy May:

If you see somebody online behind you at Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, or

Nancy May:

even at the grocery store who looks a little stressed out, You might want to

Nancy May:

give them a link to this show as well.

Nancy May:

As I said, it's eldercaresuccess.

Nancy May:

live.

Nancy May:

It can be your gift and they might be a caregiver too.

Nancy May:

It can be your gift to them because it's my gift to you.

Nancy May:

Be well, stay well, and keep caring.

Nancy May:

Bye bye.

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