Which two words are quietly framing your whole life wrong? Good and bad. I swapped them for healthy and unhealthy, and it took the harshness off everything, anger included.

Nothing is simply good or bad. Everything has a healthier and an unhealthier version, and you usually have to go through the unhealthy one to reach the other. A teenager needs a bit of narcissism. Anger is a perfect emotion, and there are children starving, so I should be angry. The only question is which version I am running. I recorded this after a fortnight off, because I had been genuinely poorly.

One thing to try: Take one thing you do and ask which version you are running. Not good or bad. Healthy or unhealthy.

In this episode

• (0:08) The two words I have been dropping out of my vocabulary
• (2:48) Two weeks off, and being more unwell than I let on
• (3:53) Working through what we call healthy and unhealthy
• (7:48) Ego, and admitting I have one
• (9:01) Why every teenager should be a little narcissistic
• (11:29) Kicking the washing line, and the unhealthy version of anger
• (12:44) The unhealthy version of empathy, and what comes after it
• (15:01) Taking the prickliness off, and still being angry about the right things

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

Over the past few months, I've been dropping two words out of my vocabulary as much as possible. And not

that they're good or bad or anything like that. It's just they frame things a little wrong, in my opinion.

So in today's podcast, I'm going to talk about those words and what to do instead, really. The way to

think instead. And it really will open your mind and open your heart and open your emotions and all that

to a different way of looking at things.

I'm Steven Webb and this is Stillness in the Storms. The podcast that just helps you to live a little

more within a piece and see things a little different. I'm paralysed from just below the neck. I've

been paralysed since I was 18 and that gives me a little different perspective on life and I'm a meditation

and mindfulness coach and currently I'm the Mayor of true

But if I say that, Mayor true I was like wow.

You know, the town I grew up in. This little humble town of 20 000 people And I'm the mayor.

I just think that's incredible. I still do. I've been mayor now for about three months. I still think it's

absolutely amazing. But anyway, you can find out a little bit more about me. StevenWebb.uk. Very simple. From there, you

can email me. You can download my five simple practices for inner peace. You could treat me to a coffee

if that's what you want to do. You can also find out where my main website is. You can find

out my social media. And like I say, drop me an email and Download that. Five simple practices for inner

peace. But yeah, today let's talk about dropping these two words really when we think about different things. And these

two words are good and bad yeah I used it in the intro, really um These words are not good

nor bad, but we make them good or bad. It's like everything in life, we either label it as good

or label it as bad, when really it's just it's just something that we find unpleasant or we find pleasant.

You know, some of the things I find bad, some people don't mind. You know, Marmite. Marmite for one of

them. And, you know, certain foods that we find good or bad really it's not good nor bad. It's just

different to us. But I want to, how can we frame it differently? And the more I think about this

recently, the more it makes sense. And if we look at everything as healthy or unhealthy,

now I know we immediately jump to food on that or we jump to lifestyle. But let's think about this

for a minute. Let's think about it a bit different um I just want to I haven't done a podcast

for the last couple of weeks. Simply, I was really poorly. I was quite unwell and I don't think I've

ever felt so nausea in my life. Never felt that sick. The doctor put me on one type of antibiotic

because they thought it was a UTI. Then they put me on another one. They changed it midway. And then

they put me on anti-sickness tablets ah I spent two days in bed and I haven't spent a day in

bed for about 15 years. Because I'm prone to pressure sores and things like that, I look after myself as

much as possible because I just don't like spending any time in bed. But yeah, that's why I haven't done

a podcast for a couple of weeks. But even that, it's not good nor bad. It wasn't a bad time.

It was, you know, a little unhealthy. And when we use the words healthy and unhealthy, they haven't got

the connotations of good or bad. It doesn't conjure up those feelings inside. So let's go

through a few things that we can deem as healthy or unhealthy. And I want you to think about it

in your life over the next week or so. And are you looking at something as good or bad or

healthy or unhealthy? You

know, I don't know if you ever heard of the Enneagrams. Well, they're like uh there's nine types of people

and they're not like star signs they're not like, where was that star or planet the moment you were born?

Not like that at all. There's nine types and they're based on the way you answer a few questions. They're

really based on the way you react in certain situations. And when you have enough

questions, it can determine the type of person you currently are. And where you're coming from, your conscious level and

things like that. And I'm a type two. I'm a helper at the moment. I say at the moment because

you can you can change through life. You know, you wouldn't have very many helpers very early on in life

um You just wouldn't grow those kind of muscles and consciousness when you're like eight, nine years old.

Might do, but it's it's less likely. You're more likely to be one of the achievers and things like that.

And each one of these things have a healthier and an unhealthier version. And as

you grow up and as you get more conscious and as you open your mind and open your heart, you

become a more healthier version of that.

But when we look at it as a healthier and unhealthier version, we don't look at it as, ah, that's

a bad version of me. I don't like that. It's just an unhealthy version. You know, the version that eats

donuts,

that eats chocolate. I've got a chocolate bar sat in front of me now. And been a type 2 diabetic.

It's not that good, but I just really fancy chocolate. So I've got one sat in front of me. Maybe

I use it as a bit of reward for doing a podcast. Recording and uploading the podcast. But yeah, that's

an unhealthy version. So I don't label it as a bad version of me. Because when you label it as

bad, it just feels bad, doesn't it? But when you say unhealthy, you go, yeah, that's not a healthy decision.

And we can look at that for everything uh Food obviously. But we can look at opinions.

You know, is that a healthy way of having opinions or is it an unhealthy way? And I'll give you

an example. An unhealthy opinion is my opinion. It's right. It's fact. And no one's going to change it.

A healthy opinion is look I got that opinion. That's the way I think at the moment with my present

information. But when more information comes along, I'm willing to change that opinion or expand it or grow it. You

know, so you've got the two different types. So I think you're probably getting the gist of where I'm going

now. So whether it's opinions or beliefs and all that it is when they're more regimented,

they may be slightly less healthy. And another one is mindfulness. You know, surely

all mindfulness is healthy. Is it really? What if what if you use mindfulness to become a sniper

and

you could argue some snipers are not so bad. You could argue it's the actions could argue they're part of

the army or part of the good side. But if mindfulness is used to carve up a body or to

plan things that are not that good or not that healthy, really, for society, is

mindfulness always good I don't see So even mindfulness, you can have a healthy and unhealthy version. So you

can look at everything you're doing or what you're doing. Is this a healthy or an unhealthy version? You know,

ego. Ego is another one. You know, I'm a I've got an ego. I'm a meditation and mindfulness coach.

I've worked hard to grow my ego up. When I say grow my ego up, I mean... By

becoming less attached to it. Allowing the ego to drive me. Of course I've got an ego. You know, it's

the ego that wants to enjoy life is the ego that does enjoy life is the ego that enjoys being

here. But

is that ego everything? Is there something beyond the ego? So

when you don't allow the ego to control you so much, that would be a healthier version of your ego.

Again, not good nor bad. Just a healthier version and An unhealthy ego. No.

You know, I'm the most important person in the world. I'm a narcissist. I am. The world revolves around me.

I know everything. And you know you know the type. You know, the one I was 15, 20 years ago.

You know, every teenager should be slight narcissistic tendencies it's It becomes

unhealthy if you get so ingrained and attached in them and you don't move them on you know A healthy

teenager is someone that's really digging into their opinions and beliefs and, hey, look, I'm here. Hey, look,

the world does revolve around me a little because it's got to revolve around you before you can drop that,

oh, the world revolves around me. Perhaps it doesn't. You've got to have that um egocentric

view of the world. From your world view is just me. Just the people around me.

Before you can expand it further. It's like you've got to see your brothers and sisters, your family's version

of their worldview or their conscious view, should you say, before you can

expand it to the group and then the world. So it's always growing up. It's always growing it and moving

it towards the healthier side. But it's not necessarily getting rid of the unhealthy side dabbing it a little bit.

Enjoy it. Have that bar chocolate Have the donut occasionally. But recognise that's not the most ideal and healthy way.

So emotions are another thing we can look at. Every emotion, anger is the perfect

emotion. Everybody experiences anger from the age of about, I don't know, probably nine, ten months.

And especially a little after when they're starting to develop what they like, what they want. That little

tantrum the terrible twos. They're experiencing anger. They have no idea what it is. They have no idea this

rage inside of them because they want to do something that's completely unreasonable to the parent. I

wanted to, I remember when I was about six years old and I wanted to walk to the local village

because at the time the garage stations used to give away these blue Smurfs. I had no idea you had

to put six pounds worth of fuel in to get them. But I wanted to go to the garage because

I knew they'd give away them free. It was about three miles away, maybe four. And I was five years

old, five, six years old, and I wanted to walk. And my mum was so unreasonable.

Ridiculously unreasonable. I knew where the garage was. Why couldn't I go there? And I was so angry. I was

bawling my eyes out. I was kicking the washing line outside.

Yeah, that's an unhealthy version of anger. But I didn't know no different at the time. You've almost got to

develop the unhealthy version before you move to the healthy version.

It's the same, another emotion is like empathy. You know, the unhealthy version I've done a podcast of that

and I'll put a link to it below this podcast to make it easier for you. But I've done that

unhealthy and healthy version of empathy. And really unhealthy, there's a lot more to it than this,

but an unhealthy version of empathy would be that you're feeling everybody's emotions deeply and you're taking them on and

you're finding it hard to cope in life and you're absorbing all the world's problems. Now it's not a bad

thing to feel other people's problems, the world's problems. But if something happening the other side of the world that

you have no control over is literally paralyzing you and stopping you from living your life. Then that's an unhealthy

version of empathy. But you have to develop the, almost go through the unhealthy version before you can go to

the healthier version. You don't move on to an uncaring. You move on to the ability to recognise the

feelings of others but not holding and carrying them yourself. We often get attached to other people's feelings like

they're our own

and The unhealthy version of a type two like I saying in the aneogram, is to manipulate and to

really feel other people's emotions and get absorbed in them. And yes I I'm a manipulator. You know, I

confess. And when a friend of mine texted me one day and said you Steven you're you you so manipulate

the situation You're a manipulator. I was so angry I think I texted her straight back and said, no, I'm

not. How dare you call me out? And I read about the aneogram and one of the traits of the

helper is they're manipulators.

And it's an unhealthy trait to have. I suppose manipulation can be unhealthy and healthy as well. Because what

would it look like? An unhealthy manipulator is the manipulating it for my own gain. You know, if I buy

you something nice, you have to stay with me. You have to do what I tell you. You know, guilt

you into things. Using guilt and shame to get them to do something. If you love me, you would tidy

up the bedroom. That kind of, you know, we all do it as parents. I've done it so many times

um yeah that's that's the unhealthy manipulator. But the healthier version is is finding a way that

benefits them as well you know Show me your system on tidying up the room and Teach me

how you do it. You know, that kind of way and You empower them as opposed to. That's a whole

different podcast that is. Not one that I'm sure I'm qualified to do.

When we, or certainly for me, when I started looking at things through the healthy and unhealthy, it really

has changed the way I see different things. It's taken that harshness and the prickliness off the things

like anger you know I get angry. Okay, so I should be angry. There's kids starving in the world. So

I should be angry. There's people manipulating the democracy um People are doing it in it for themselves. Things like

that. I should be angry about that. But what's the healthy version of angry? The healthy version is recognising I'm

angry and doing something productive about it if I can. If I can't and let it go. The

unhealthy version is phoning everybody, running around, jumping up and and screaming and, you know, like as if you're doing

something about it but you aren't really doing anything about it at all. That leads us on to really, not

the last thing, but actions. Healthy and unhealthy actions. Whether or not you say something

or whether or not you're not very nice to someone, that'd be unhealthy. But you can be kind. Same

as meditation of healthy and unhealthy. So

think about your life. Think about the different things you do, the different emotions you have, the feelings, the beliefs,

and compare them to when you're eating food. Is this a healthy thing or unhealthy thing at the moment?

And you'll be less judgement of yourself. You'll be less having a go at yourself. So you won't be so

hard on yourself. And it will free the your ability up to be able to go, do you know what?

That wasn't the best way of dealing with that. That wasn't the healthiest way of dealing with it.

So yeah, hopefully that helps. You can head over to StevenWebb.uk and that's like my

interim like linking website that's got all the links of different things you can email me. You can download my

five simple practices for inner peace. You could treat me to a coffee or find all the rest of these

podcasts from Stillness in the Storms. Links on iTunes, Spotify, Google,

or my meditation podcast.

So thank you guys. Thank you for hanging in there. Thank you for the emails I get every week. You

know, It's really appreciated. And I know this year I'm massively crazy busy and I've got some major big

things on right now with the city council and all. But I like hearing from you. I like doing this

podcast. I like keeping in touch. And I like going live on my Facebook page sometimes.

But I am a little busier at the moment. And I'm only mare for 12 months. And I'm really I'm

really digging in and really making the most of it. 12 months is just the perfect Enough, long enough so

you can do something with it. But short enough that you've got to get on with it. So that's why

I'm pretty busy and that's why I missed some weeks on the podcast. So I just say thank you for

persevering with me. Thank you for being there. Thank you for the love and the appreciation you give me. You

guys are great. And I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for you listening and for the shares and

the support you give. So yeah, head over to StevenWebb.uk and you can drop me an email.

Thank you. Take care. Have a good one. I love you.