Hello there,

You want to be a good father, a good son, a good husband, a good friend, a good Leader, a good person in society.

How can you do all this without burning yourself out ?!

To be "caught" in the provider role is a tricky part of life for a lot of men out there. They are thriving in it and very successful at it but what if the body says : NO !! all of a sudden.

Today I feel very excited and blessed to have Broc Higginson with me.

He will be sharing his intense story about how his cancer changed his life and how his ongoing drive to support others and inspire others is keeping him sane and positive throughout those challenging times.

We also talk about the importance of finding out about each others love language. Not only in romantic relationships we can experience break throughs but also at work with our co workers or with our employees.

enjoy this very uplifting episode

with love

A.

ps: meet Broc here : https://www.facebook.com/broc.higginson

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Unknown: 00:00:03

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

Unknown: 00:00:06

experience. I'm so excited to have Broc with me today, he will

Unknown: 00:00:13

share a very, exceptional story. And yeah, I picked him out

Unknown: 00:00:19

because he's also very active on Facebook and posts a lot of

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very, like inspirational posts and videos. His latest video

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here that I watched is about the importance to know your limits,

Unknown: 00:00:34

and to not burn yourself out sometimes when we very ambitious

Unknown: 00:00:40

and very driven, we forget that Yeah, we have a body to take

Unknown: 00:00:44

care of we might have a family, we have loved ones, that we have

Unknown: 00:00:49

to spend time with a want to spend time with. Not only for

Unknown: 00:00:53

their sake, but for all our own emotional and mental well being.

Unknown: 00:00:59

So yeah, I'm very, very happy that Brock made the time for us

Unknown: 00:01:05

to be here today. And I would like to invite him to share a

Unknown: 00:01:11

little bit of background story of what ignited all these

Unknown: 00:01:15

beautiful gratitude

Unknown: 00:01:18

videos and other important messages that you are sharing

Unknown: 00:01:22

with us right now. So that people yeah, learn about you and

Unknown: 00:01:31

what is driving you. Welcome to the show.

Unknown: 00:01:35

Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.

Unknown: 00:01:38

They said

Unknown: 00:01:41

it's kind of different getting the opportunity to just speak

Unknown: 00:01:44

about it. Because usually I'm just reading messages back to

Unknown: 00:01:46

people that have said something or a comment on. I called them

Unknown: 00:01:51

the Tuesday tips and my gratitude Wednesday videos that

Unknown: 00:01:55

I'll post out there, just on Facebook. But the journey

Unknown: 00:02:00

started just over a year ago. For me, a lot of the messages

Unknown: 00:02:04

that I come up with only just kind of been in reflection over

Unknown: 00:02:08

this last year, I've gone through a difficult journey with

Unknown: 00:02:11

health. And I was definitely as you had mentioned that a lot of

Unknown: 00:02:15

people kind of burn the candle at both ends and are working

Unknown: 00:02:18

hard to move forward and perhaps their career or whatever it may

Unknown: 00:02:22

be that their passions, their passion, maybe. And I love my

Unknown: 00:02:27

work. And I love what I did to do every day for work, but I

Unknown: 00:02:32

can't be your only thing and come to that realization over

Unknown: 00:02:35

time. So if I go back and a little bit and give you a bit of

Unknown: 00:02:39

my background, I live here in Lethbridge. And I grew up in

Unknown: 00:02:46

southern Alberta. I went to the University here and a couple

Unknown: 00:02:49

other universities, colleges have your vehicles out front.

Unknown: 00:02:55

Unfortunately, not in the mountains like you right now.

Unknown: 00:02:58

But

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yeah, so I went to university here and then went to university

Unknown: 00:03:03

ODC at Queen's University and did my masters down in the

Unknown: 00:03:06

States at Gonzaga, and

Unknown: 00:03:10

had the opportunity to come back home and teach. And I then

Unknown: 00:03:14

became a principal fairly quickly

Unknown: 00:03:17

27 I got my first administrative position as a principal, and,

Unknown: 00:03:22

and have been doing that since. But I've got the chance to build

Unknown: 00:03:27

some other businesses in between there and get the chance to

Unknown: 00:03:30

work. And I guess you would say coach or mentor people that are

Unknown: 00:03:34

going through those similar experiences of building teams

Unknown: 00:03:38

out and trying to change school cultures or trying to change

Unknown: 00:03:42

your business culture. And I've been blessed to be able to do

Unknown: 00:03:46

that. And so, unfortunately, last year, I was having social

Unknown: 00:03:53

distancing drinks for some of my buddies. My work is at our cabin

Unknown: 00:03:58

in British Columbia with her mom doing some painting we had just

Unknown: 00:04:02

kind of finished up building and

Unknown: 00:04:06

I wasn't feeling well and

Unknown: 00:04:09

the guys had left for the evening and I had a really bad

Unknown: 00:04:14

stomachache. It's maybe I thought maybe I had food

Unknown: 00:04:17

poisoning or something. And

Unknown: 00:04:20

so I decided, you know what, I can't sleep I'm not feeling

Unknown: 00:04:22

well. I'm just gonna shower and get ready and go to work and go

Unknown: 00:04:27

to work a few hours early. So on my way to the washroom just was

Unknown: 00:04:33

heading over to the bathroom and I passed out. I had a massive

Unknown: 00:04:39

what they call a seizure.

Unknown: 00:04:42

And I passed out in the washroom and when the ladies that work up

Unknown: 00:04:48

to assistance that take care of me in the school, and

Unknown: 00:04:54

and when I wasn't there because you stand there the first first

Unknown: 00:04:57

one of the day

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They knew something was up and then called my emergency

Unknown: 00:05:02

contacts that are like, thank goodness, we don't have cellular

Unknown: 00:05:06

coverage. Otherwise it worked too much. And

Unknown: 00:05:11

they sent my emergency contacts my parents, and what am I, and

Unknown: 00:05:15

it's over to my house, and they found me in the bathroom. So

Unknown: 00:05:20

I think I'm pretty lucky. I know, a minute either way. Now I

Unknown: 00:05:24

might not have made it into the bathroom could have been hurt

Unknown: 00:05:27

somewhere else. Or another couple of minutes later, I would

Unknown: 00:05:30

have been in the shower, and I could have drowned. So no, Count

Unknown: 00:05:34

your blessings that way and just say, you know, I was fortunate

Unknown: 00:05:37

that happened. And they were able to get me stable here in

Unknown: 00:05:41

Lethbridge. And I got to thank the docs there for that. And

Unknown: 00:05:44

then was flown to the ICU unit in foothills by stars. And

Unknown: 00:05:51

there, they got me stabilized. And they found that add a couple

Unknown: 00:05:56

of brain tumors from there. So

Unknown: 00:06:00

because of my seizure, I had to wait quite a while before they

Unknown: 00:06:04

did take me in for surgery. news about six weeks because I just

Unknown: 00:06:09

wasn't strong enough to go through this surgery. And let's

Unknown: 00:06:13

move on brain surgery and had two tumors removed one about the

Unknown: 00:06:18

size of an orange, and then the other one about the size of a

Unknown: 00:06:21

walnut. So

Unknown: 00:06:24

it was a different experience.

Unknown: 00:06:26

I had no telltale signs of having cancer beforehand.

Unknown: 00:06:31

Healthy, like you said, I would admit that I was a workaholic.

Unknown: 00:06:37

But I had no issues with staying healthy and being able to handle

Unknown: 00:06:42

a 16 hour days.

Unknown: 00:06:45

Not just for work, but doing things for the community

Unknown: 00:06:48

fundraising and things like that. But yeah, it definitely

Unknown: 00:06:53

was a surprise to me, my family. And ever since it's been a

Unknown: 00:06:58

journey of recovery. And I've had the opportunity from there

Unknown: 00:07:02

to, like I said, share some tips, I guess you'd say, and in

Unknown: 00:07:07

my experience going through this and what I've learned and some

Unknown: 00:07:10

of the lessons I've learned throughout so that's, that's the

Unknown: 00:07:14

year in a nutshell. And now I'm in a situation where I'm kind of

Unknown: 00:07:19

in recovery. But as any cancer patient would know, it's more

Unknown: 00:07:22

like, you just kind of wait month to month to hear what's

Unknown: 00:07:25

going to be coming next you have an MRI, and then you wait a few

Unknown: 00:07:30

days and you hear or you sit down in front of zoom or you

Unknown: 00:07:33

meet with your oncology team. And they tell you, okay, this is

Unknown: 00:07:37

where we are, this is what we see. And so you're doing this

Unknown: 00:07:41

for the next month, or we're going to see you I'm hoping in

Unknown: 00:07:45

my meeting on August 3 that they're going to say you know

Unknown: 00:07:47

what we did to push up your MRI step every three months now,

Unknown: 00:07:51

which is hopeful and which means that things are looking good. So

Unknown: 00:07:55

that's, that's where I hope on that at the end of the month

Unknown: 00:07:57

here and then beginning of August. So

Unknown: 00:08:01

just as kind of a basic of what's happened to me over this

Unknown: 00:08:05

last year. But

Unknown: 00:08:07

yeah, like you said, a lot of people ask Brock, how do you

Unknown: 00:08:10

stay positive and upbeat about your situation and I've kind of

Unknown: 00:08:15

learned to say you know, the things that you're not in

Unknown: 00:08:17

control of you don't need to worry about in your life.

Unknown: 00:08:22

The things that you can control. The biggest one I've always

Unknown: 00:08:26

talked about this with my staff and, and friends and family is

Unknown: 00:08:29

is your attitude. Nobody else is in charge of that. But yourself.

Unknown: 00:08:35

You, you know, Charles Darwin was a famous quote, it's like,

Unknown: 00:08:40

life is 90 or 10% what happens to you 90% on how you react to

Unknown: 00:08:45

it. And, you know, that's the truth like 10% there's no way I

Unknown: 00:08:49

would have known that I had cancer, that's 10% of what I'm

Unknown: 00:08:52

not in control of. But I'm a draw at 90% of everything else

Unknown: 00:08:57

how I'm going to react to it. So I'm in charge of what I intake

Unknown: 00:09:01

into my body and eating healthy exercising, keep a positive

Unknown: 00:09:06

mindset and you're doing my best to stay as positive as I can be

Unknown: 00:09:13

but also support my family through this experience because

Unknown: 00:09:16

you know, I'm not the only one going through it. They are going

Unknown: 00:09:19

through it just as much as I am so

Unknown: 00:09:22

yeah, that's the basics.

Unknown: 00:09:26

Some friends come in and say hi, sorry. She's walking by my son

Unknown: 00:09:31

is coming up. Gonna Say

Unknown: 00:09:35

hello.

Unknown: 00:09:39

See you guys

Unknown: 00:09:41

sorry, they're just down asleep over on the trap last night so

Unknown: 00:09:45

I'll just come back with a sleeping bag so Oh, that's so

Unknown: 00:09:48

adore to wind down the river yesterday. So they're pretty

Unknown: 00:09:52

excited.

Unknown: 00:09:54

Wow, this is

Unknown: 00:09:56

yeah man. Thank you so much for for sharing.

Unknown: 00:10:00

The whole story with us again, and it must have been such an

Unknown: 00:10:04

intense, like moment to to know that, okay said, My body is not

Unknown: 00:10:11

healthy, my mind is still, you know functioning I'm, I'm driven

Unknown: 00:10:15

to continue but all of a sudden you have to take care of your

Unknown: 00:10:19

body now. And maybe before the diagnosis, you were taking care

Unknown: 00:10:26

of your body, you were exercising and drinking and

Unknown: 00:10:31

sleeping enough. But then all of a sudden, you've realized, okay,

Unknown: 00:10:36

I have to do more, I have to

Unknown: 00:10:39

be more careful with myself. And I can see that a very ambitious

Unknown: 00:10:44

person, a person with a big heart who's caring for others

Unknown: 00:10:49

might feel selfish at times and doing things for yourself. And I

Unknown: 00:10:55

feel a lot of men are trapped in this caring provider role. And

Unknown: 00:11:02

then when they do something for themselves, they either have

Unknown: 00:11:06

their children or their spouse complaining that they want to

Unknown: 00:11:10

spend more time with them, or their internal beliefs are

Unknown: 00:11:15

telling them, hey, you're being selfish right now. And you can't

Unknown: 00:11:20

spend alone time. Or you can go on a hike by yourself.

Unknown: 00:11:27

How was it for you? Like, do you have dedicated self care time?

Unknown: 00:11:34

Right now or? You tough? Now, it's definitely more balanced

Unknown: 00:11:39

than it was while I was working extensively right now I'm off on

Unknown: 00:11:44

disability, of course, and still in recovery. But I'll agree with

Unknown: 00:11:50

you in that situation, I'd often feel guilty

Unknown: 00:11:54

if I tried to do anything specifically for myself.

Unknown: 00:11:58

Because I was very much caught up in the provider role doing as

Unknown: 00:12:03

much as I can at this kind of what I call the high earning

Unknown: 00:12:07

years. For most people during I'm 40. Now, so I'm very busy at

Unknown: 00:12:15

this wall was very busy at that time trying to

Unknown: 00:12:19

see expression, make hay while the sun shines do as much as I

Unknown: 00:12:22

can to provide for my family. And I got caught up in that

Unknown: 00:12:27

mentality. Definitely. And so my downtime, lend up being, I

Unknown: 00:12:33

guess, an overlap of social time and work. That makes sense. I

Unknown: 00:12:38

would, you know, say, I'm going to have a beer or drink or sit

Unknown: 00:12:43

down or something like that with a friend, but typically was a

Unknown: 00:12:47

business meeting, if that makes sense. So it was never really

Unknown: 00:12:51

any personal downtime. I was never really, you know, just

Unknown: 00:12:55

going for a walk by myself or

Unknown: 00:12:59

I would not say I'm great at meditating. My wife really works

Unknown: 00:13:02

on those kinds of things, and has tried to teach me to do

Unknown: 00:13:05

those things more. And but I was quite reflective, always I would

Unknown: 00:13:11

journal and reflect. And I would always have a gratitude journal

Unknown: 00:13:15

with me and just write things down. But my main mind would

Unknown: 00:13:20

never ever turn off. I was always thinking of what else

Unknown: 00:13:23

could I do in order to support my family, take care of my

Unknown: 00:13:27

family, and do those things. And my wife's been really working

Unknown: 00:13:31

with me over this last year on how to, you know, just realize

Unknown: 00:13:36

you don't have to always be in that state of mind will be okay,

Unknown: 00:13:40

you know what it doesn't matter about, you know, if we have no

Unknown: 00:13:45

big home on the coolies, and a cabin and BC and those types of

Unknown: 00:13:49

things, just realize that the most important thing is just is

Unknown: 00:13:53

our family and our kids. And so that's been, like I said

Unknown: 00:13:58

something that I've had to come to grips with, even though she

Unknown: 00:14:02

totally understands that I love my job, which I really do, I get

Unknown: 00:14:06

a great deal of personal satisfaction from it. And also a

Unknown: 00:14:09

great deal of satisfaction and seeing a difference that I can

Unknown: 00:14:13

make in that role. So yeah, that's it's a constant, kind of

Unknown: 00:14:18

battling back and forth. But it has been an adjustment but also

Unknown: 00:14:24

just saying, okay, there's my cap, and I can only fit so much

Unknown: 00:14:30

in my cup. I have to make sure that the big rocks of my family

Unknown: 00:14:34

and my friends and my just work work at school have to fit in

Unknown: 00:14:40

there first, before I can do any of the other things of, you

Unknown: 00:14:44

know, supporting others, building real estate teams are

Unknown: 00:14:49

supporting other companies or helping charity organizations

Unknown: 00:14:53

even though I get satisfaction from those. They just, there's

Unknown: 00:14:57

not enough room in the cup. If that makes sense.

Unknown: 00:15:00

Ah, so I just got to make sure that those those big rocks are

Unknown: 00:15:04

taken care of first. Yeah, yeah, I love that picture. And it

Unknown: 00:15:09

helps a lot of people to, to realize, like, Where am I

Unknown: 00:15:14

putting my energy? And where am I not putting any energy and

Unknown: 00:15:19

maybe wondering why relationships are falling apart,

Unknown: 00:15:23

you know, for guys not in your case, but for guys who are

Unknown: 00:15:26

caught in the provider role again, and then they come home

Unknown: 00:15:30

and they feel like, oh, they're not really, I don't know, they

Unknown: 00:15:34

don't fit in into the family anymore, because they are doing

Unknown: 00:15:37

their own thing now that you're gone and just focusing on making

Unknown: 00:15:41

money. It's, it's a very tough balance. And

Unknown: 00:15:47

a lot of people like you who have to go through and tense,

Unknown: 00:15:51

like situations

Unknown: 00:15:54

have the possibility to to have that reset, and to see, okay, I

Unknown: 00:16:00

have to change things. And a lot of people who don't go through

Unknown: 00:16:05

through pain, keep doing and burn themselves out and then

Unknown: 00:16:10

face divorce. And, ah, but but both like, I don't want to say I

Unknown: 00:16:16

wish cancer on a person, but but both situations are just as

Unknown: 00:16:21

painful. Would you say that this situation brought you closer to

Unknown: 00:16:27

your spirituality? Like closer to yourself? Again?

Unknown: 00:16:35

Yeah, you know, what, it's, it's interesting. Um, as I go

Unknown: 00:16:39

through, and I reflect on, you know, kind of the lessons that

Unknown: 00:16:42

I've learned well, some of the lessons I learned First off is

Unknown: 00:16:46

that how much stronger my my family is that I thought they

Unknown: 00:16:49

were strong My wife is

Unknown: 00:16:52

where I was thought that I had to be that rock, and I was the

Unknown: 00:16:55

person that was trying to carry the family through things.

Unknown: 00:17:00

It's probably the exact opposite. She's She's really the

Unknown: 00:17:03

one that is, is the leader in the household and the leader of

Unknown: 00:17:08

our family, and where we're trying to learn how to adjust to

Unknown: 00:17:13

that now, and learn the balance with that, within that now, as

Unknown: 00:17:18

far as spirituality and, and reflection on those components.

Unknown: 00:17:24

I think that there's been a real transition as to what most

Unknown: 00:17:28

people define is spirituality, if that makes sense.

Unknown: 00:17:32

I think that if you do any studying or research of what if

Unknown: 00:17:38

specifically, what people would say is religion has been in, in

Unknown: 00:17:43

Canada in particular, there's been a very big transition.

Unknown: 00:17:48

Never has there been a time as long as the research hasn't

Unknown: 00:17:52

changed lots in the last 10 years, but I'm sure that the

Unknown: 00:17:56

change has only increased. Never has there been a time where

Unknown: 00:17:59

fewer people have gone to church?

Unknown: 00:18:02

And never has there been a time that people have wanted, or

Unknown: 00:18:06

expressed spirituality ever in Canada, in the last 80, or the

Unknown: 00:18:12

last, I think it's 65 years, you'd have to talk to a doctor

Unknown: 00:18:16

maybe at the universities, the premier sociologist of religion

Unknown: 00:18:21

in the country and North America. But that's the basics

Unknown: 00:18:25

of his courses, just that fact that people are just yearning

Unknown: 00:18:29

for, for spirituality. But that doesn't fall within the confines

Unknown: 00:18:34

of what is typical religion anymore. It's individualized.

Unknown: 00:18:39

That is, that's just the entire trend in in the world. And

Unknown: 00:18:43

society today is individualization of everything.

Unknown: 00:18:47

You know, I want something to be specific to me, I'm looking for

Unknown: 00:18:52

something that's specific for me.

Unknown: 00:18:55

Like I said, when I do mentorship or coaching with

Unknown: 00:18:57

people, they experienced a lot of difficulty with with their

Unknown: 00:19:01

teams often or their, their organization's because they've

Unknown: 00:19:06

transitioned to having employees that millennials now that are

Unknown: 00:19:10

used to things being individualized to them, and then

Unknown: 00:19:15

feeling that it's a connection to them, in particular. And

Unknown: 00:19:19

that's very different. When teams and organizations get

Unknown: 00:19:22

large, whether they're, you know, if they're five or six,

Unknown: 00:19:25

you can still maintain almost like a family mentality, if that

Unknown: 00:19:29

makes sense. And you can find that connection point. But if

Unknown: 00:19:33

you get to a company that becomes let's say, or an

Unknown: 00:19:37

organization that becomes, you know, 80 people, or 100 people

Unknown: 00:19:41

or even 1500 people, how do you maintain connection? And how do

Unknown: 00:19:46

you maintain, like you said that individuality spirituality, that

Unknown: 00:19:54

family on such a large scale, and so, you know, that's an

Unknown: 00:19:59

adjustment for

Unknown: 00:20:00

Everybody, and I've been fortunate to help groups go

Unknown: 00:20:03

through that. But for me, it's been the exact opposite. How do

Unknown: 00:20:07

you go back to making sure when you go home that there's that

Unknown: 00:20:10

connection, and making sure that you're on the same page with,

Unknown: 00:20:15

with your spouse, with your life partner, whoever it may be, and

Unknown: 00:20:19

with your children, right, especially if you're not there

Unknown: 00:20:22

with them enough. And, you know, that's been the realization for

Unknown: 00:20:26

me over this time is that, you know, time Trumps all things,

Unknown: 00:20:30

and being there with them, Trumps all things and, and touch

Unknown: 00:20:34

and field as I'm very much. You know, as the love languages go,

Unknown: 00:20:40

I'm definitely somebody that, you know, is expresses love

Unknown: 00:20:45

through touching emotion, that way, I still hold my kids, even

Unknown: 00:20:49

if they don't want to be held, I don't care, my son, he's eight,

Unknown: 00:20:53

he said, he'll come give me a hug.

Unknown: 00:20:56

He's in middle school now. And he has no issue with running

Unknown: 00:21:00

over with his buddies around and giving me a hug, which is

Unknown: 00:21:04

awesome. For me, I still feel great that my junior high boys

Unknown: 00:21:08

are not embarrassed at all to give us down a hug. And know my

Unknown: 00:21:13

little girl, she's just, you know, it just will sit in your

Unknown: 00:21:17

lap all day long if she could write. So, you know, I love that

Unknown: 00:21:21

because it speaks to my love language. And, you know, you got

Unknown: 00:21:25

to connect that way. But it's quite awkward in the workplace,

Unknown: 00:21:28

if you're going around, you know, it depends on your work

Unknown: 00:21:32

situation. But I had zero issues, I will COVID was a

Unknown: 00:21:37

different experience. But pre COVID, I would sit there and the

Unknown: 00:21:42

buses would show up at school and every kid would come up and

Unknown: 00:21:44

give me a hug. And so, you know, at my pocket would be full for

Unknown: 00:21:50

for an entire day right then and there with, you know, hundreds

Unknown: 00:21:54

of kids getting off the bus giving you hugs, and you get the

Unknown: 00:21:57

chance to say goodbye to them, give them high fives and stuff

Unknown: 00:22:00

like that throughout the day. So it doesn't get much better than

Unknown: 00:22:03

that. Just imagine if we lived in a place where the Walmart

Unknown: 00:22:06

greeter you felt good enough with them that you can give them

Unknown: 00:22:09

a hug every time you went into the store. Right? That's what it

Unknown: 00:22:12

is, like, for me when I get to go to work. And, you know, I'm

Unknown: 00:22:15

pretty blessed that way, not only with the kids, because

Unknown: 00:22:18

they're younger. But even when I was at high school, and at the

Unknown: 00:22:24

end of the year, the big guys that I would coach and and teach

Unknown: 00:22:28

and I was that I was principal of would go across the stage at

Unknown: 00:22:31

grad and pick me up off the ground and big bear hugs in

Unknown: 00:22:35

there, you know, these big, these big men now that are 18

Unknown: 00:22:40

that, you know, are bigger than I am just a skinny rat compared

Unknown: 00:22:43

to them. So yeah, it was just, you know, it's always been

Unknown: 00:22:48

awesome that way. And

Unknown: 00:22:50

it's it's a different experience with staff too, though. But I

Unknown: 00:22:54

consider all of them, you know, somebody I truly care for. And

Unknown: 00:22:57

they know that and when this experience took place, they've

Unknown: 00:23:02

been there for me they reached out as much as they could, they

Unknown: 00:23:06

would come and sit on the front desk like I am right now. And

Unknown: 00:23:10

socially distance appropriately and, and be there just to spend

Unknown: 00:23:13

time with me.

Unknown: 00:23:15

At the start when I would still have seizures, I'm on seizure

Unknown: 00:23:19

meditation. In fact, it's great here today that I haven't had

Unknown: 00:23:23

yet and then I just go through and just make sure that I'm

Unknown: 00:23:27

doing okay because they were just trying to get my meds kind

Unknown: 00:23:31

of regulated at that time. So yeah, they're just yeah, I'm

Unknown: 00:23:35

blessed in every way and I feel fortunate so Huh, oh, my

Unknown: 00:23:41

goodness, that's so precious. What you're sharing here with us

Unknown: 00:23:46

like the first thing that that I remembered now is that you said

Unknown: 00:23:50

you can control things that are out of our control. And the

Unknown: 00:23:55

second or there were many messages in between but what you

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touched on right now with the love languages is such a big eye

Unknown: 00:24:06

opener for for a lot of men and women out there and it is so

Unknown: 00:24:11

beautiful. I like to to listen to you and use say okay, this is

Unknown: 00:24:17

your love language and and that makes me get to know you on a

Unknown: 00:24:22

deeper level as well. And the same thing, and even more like

Unknown: 00:24:27

intense it goes when you're in a romantic relationship or when it

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is among friends

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that you start to to read your partner or your friend and how

Unknown: 00:24:41

they understand love how they receive love, and it's a very

Unknown: 00:24:46

powerful tool to have in your tool bag.

Unknown: 00:24:51

It is definitely and you know even even as a leader in any

Unknown: 00:24:55

role, yeah understanding our how your hierarchy

Unknown: 00:25:00

Staff. And like you said, your friends and family, how they

Unknown: 00:25:05

would like you said, what their love languages are how they like

Unknown: 00:25:09

to receive gratitude.

Unknown: 00:25:12

You know, there's some staff that love that coffee in the

Unknown: 00:25:15

morning that you picked up for them, that, that shows that you

Unknown: 00:25:19

went out of your way to show your appreciation and your

Unknown: 00:25:23

gratitude for them. Other people just wanted a caring note that

Unknown: 00:25:27

that's kind of to the point of, like the words of affirmation, I

Unknown: 00:25:33

saw you working with the kids the other day, and you were

Unknown: 00:25:36

incredible. And it needs to be specific, it needs to be

Unknown: 00:25:39

heartfelt. But when you connect with somebody, that way, they

Unknown: 00:25:43

know how much they care about you and how much you'll go out

Unknown: 00:25:46

of their way, you'll go out of your way to support them. And

Unknown: 00:25:52

then they start to take an interest in what your love

Unknown: 00:25:54

languages, right. And they perhaps they don't use that

Unknown: 00:25:59

terminology, but they learn on how you like to be lifted up or

Unknown: 00:26:04

supported. whatever that might be, like you said, so whether

Unknown: 00:26:08

that be, you know, just quality time, which is my wife's love

Unknown: 00:26:14

language, I know that. And that's where it was a big

Unknown: 00:26:17

struggle when I was a workaholic. Because I would work

Unknown: 00:26:21

until we got home, I would get home late at night, kids have

Unknown: 00:26:25

already eaten, I would get the chance to, you know, the kids

Unknown: 00:26:28

kisses and hugs Good night and say good night. And then Steph,

Unknown: 00:26:33

and I would be usually tired enough to get ready to go to

Unknown: 00:26:36

bed. Or I'd step into a little bit more work. But like you

Unknown: 00:26:40

said, I realized that, you know, in order for this relationship

Unknown: 00:26:43

to work, and that's what I realized over this this past

Unknown: 00:26:46

year, that I need to make sure that I've carved out that time

Unknown: 00:26:50

for us to just go for a walk with a dog and talk.

Unknown: 00:26:55

And that means without the kids. So there's going to be another

Unknown: 00:26:58

walk with the kids. So that we're all spending time together

Unknown: 00:27:02

as a family. But yeah, just learning those things.

Unknown: 00:27:08

And that gets those goes that goes along with some of the

Unknown: 00:27:11

message that I tried to share on Tuesday tips and gratitude.

Unknown: 00:27:14

Wednesday's is just, you know, some of the things you got to

Unknown: 00:27:17

realize that you got to, you got to do before, I just said, you

Unknown: 00:27:21

get put in a situation like I've been placed. And

Unknown: 00:27:25

and, yeah, that's the basics of what I do on those Tuesdays. And

Unknown: 00:27:29

Wednesdays is just going through messages like that. And

Unknown: 00:27:33

hopefully, you can do those things before you're forced to,

Unknown: 00:27:38

like I said, or you don't get the opportunity to do them at

Unknown: 00:27:41

all. Like, it's very easily that I could have just passed away.

Unknown: 00:27:45

And I left a lot of things undone in my life. So, you know,

Unknown: 00:27:49

I just be thankful that I get this, like you said the second

Unknown: 00:27:52

chance to do it. So yeah, yeah. So what I hear is that with the

Unknown: 00:27:58

love languages, you can intensify it work better your

Unknown: 00:28:03

relationships, at work, even like you can be a leader, with

Unknown: 00:28:08

the heart and in learning their language, they will learn your

Unknown: 00:28:13

language, and the work is going to be even more productive

Unknown: 00:28:17

people are going to go out of their way in order to reach

Unknown: 00:28:21

success. And they're going to feel so deeply appreciated. And

Unknown: 00:28:25

it's just a work environment that we should all thrive for.

Unknown: 00:28:31

And another thing that I hear here is that you are setting

Unknown: 00:28:35

yourself apart from the warrior.

Unknown: 00:28:39

And you join the kings, the men who live in the king energy I

Unknown: 00:28:46

read such a beautiful article here the other day about

Unknown: 00:28:51

warriors being you know, the go getters, ambitious men and the

Unknown: 00:28:55

guys who get things done. And the king is the person who at

Unknown: 00:29:01

the same time

Unknown: 00:29:04

cares so deeply about his queen, and about what she needs, the

Unknown: 00:29:08

way she receives love, and deeply cares about his community

Unknown: 00:29:14

and lift other people up and is not only concerned about his

Unknown: 00:29:19

ambition, and to have that awakening yet to see all of a

Unknown: 00:29:24

sudden, oh my god, like my my wife felt neglected for all

Unknown: 00:29:29

these years and was nagging and was you know, maybe not your

Unknown: 00:29:35

wife but some women start Oh, no, no, there's death. There's

Unknown: 00:29:38

definitely times where we had conversations in which I have to

Unknown: 00:29:43

be honest Aurora that I was just like, put my head down and be

Unknown: 00:29:46

like, you're 100% correct.

Unknown: 00:29:49

I don't know if I will realize that as much as I should have.

Unknown: 00:29:52

But no, I was definitely that person. That situation where I

Unknown: 00:29:57

was not given enough time to my family into my

Unknown: 00:30:00

Life. Yeah. And

Unknown: 00:30:04

well, definitely learning that lesson in no going forward that

Unknown: 00:30:07

I need to ensure that there's that balance. But I love that

Unknown: 00:30:10

analogy. But I really would just put it down to what you have is

Unknown: 00:30:14

your definition of a leader. Honestly,

Unknown: 00:30:19

I believe in it. Like I believe in servant leadership, I believe

Unknown: 00:30:22

that a leader is there to serve their, their employees, their

Unknown: 00:30:29

family, whoever it may be their friends, is that if you're not

Unknown: 00:30:34

doing your job, right, as as a leader, then your employees

Unknown: 00:30:39

can't do their job or right. And I, I believe in that servant

Unknown: 00:30:44

mentality that I would never ask anybody on my staff to ever do

Unknown: 00:30:49

anything that I wouldn't do first, or lead by example.

Unknown: 00:30:53

So I think that, that goes back to just like you said, being

Unknown: 00:30:57

there for your people showing them that you care, and then it

Unknown: 00:31:01

becomes reciprocal. And that's way, I hope you never go into an

Unknown: 00:31:05

environment like and I've said this in, in Tuesday, tips like,

Unknown: 00:31:09

life is too short not to love what you're doing. So if you're

Unknown: 00:31:13

going to be spending, essentially a third of what your

Unknown: 00:31:15

a third of your time working, that's what you know, the

Unknown: 00:31:19

typical environment is, with eight hours a day sleeping for

Unknown: 00:31:24

eight hours a day at work, and maybe a few hours a day with

Unknown: 00:31:27

family, then you better love what you're doing. And you

Unknown: 00:31:33

better love being around the people that you're with, if not

Unknown: 00:31:36

quit, honestly quit. And I don't say this often. But I've left

Unknown: 00:31:43

very successful positions in the past, because the people that I

Unknown: 00:31:48

should be looking out to, I was not inspired by them. In fact, I

Unknown: 00:31:53

felt I I don't know if I want to say not disgusted. But I felt

Unknown: 00:31:59

like they were not the type of person that I aspired to be. And

Unknown: 00:32:05

so, you know, if I, if I can't look up to the leadership of the

Unknown: 00:32:10

person that is responsible for me, that is my leader, then I

Unknown: 00:32:16

don't want to be there. And I'm fortunate here in Lethbridge

Unknown: 00:32:19

right now that that my superintendent and who's in

Unknown: 00:32:24

charge of the Lethbridge School District, she is a true warrior

Unknown: 00:32:28

as you might put it, and she inspires and she works so hard.

Unknown: 00:32:33

She has such a big heart, she's

Unknown: 00:32:37

reached out to me many times to see if I need any support. And,

Unknown: 00:32:42

and I know what's genuine. And those are the kind of people you

Unknown: 00:32:45

want to go work for. And those are the types of environments

Unknown: 00:32:49

you want to be in. And, but I've been in other places where like

Unknown: 00:32:53

you said, you might feel appreciated at times. But you

Unknown: 00:32:57

also know that that's not genuinely coming from that

Unknown: 00:33:00

person, they haven't made an investment in you. So, you know,

Unknown: 00:33:04

I always try to go into any of those situations with an

Unknown: 00:33:07

investment, knowing that not only not only am I going to do

Unknown: 00:33:12

everything I can to this person, but I know that that's going to

Unknown: 00:33:16

come back to me from them as well.

Unknown: 00:33:20

I'm going to share a tiny story if I can, because I think it

Unknown: 00:33:23

really pertains to it.

Unknown: 00:33:26

There's an old teacher and he is a mentor of my wife's actually.

Unknown: 00:33:30

And he's a teacher out in Tabor. And he was a biology teacher at

Unknown: 00:33:35

high school. And

Unknown: 00:33:37

there's a math teacher that was across the hallway. And they

Unknown: 00:33:42

came up to a student and said, Why did you do so poorly on your

Unknown: 00:33:47

your math test? The student was quite academic and did very

Unknown: 00:33:51

well. Why did you do so bad on your math test on on Tuesday?

Unknown: 00:33:56

Usually you do, you usually perform much better than this.

Unknown: 00:34:00

Well, I also had a biology test on that day. And I didn't want

Unknown: 00:34:05

to disappoint Mr. Cleveland. And so they obviously spent more

Unknown: 00:34:10

time studying and preparing for the exam for Mr. Cleveland

Unknown: 00:34:15

because they had that emotional connection, that relationship

Unknown: 00:34:19

with Him. And so goes right back to what you said, like you have

Unknown: 00:34:25

an environment that's significantly more productive.

Unknown: 00:34:28

an environment that is has reduced sickness has people that

Unknown: 00:34:32

are happy, less stress, when there's connection there. But

Unknown: 00:34:36

that needs to be individualized to each person. And the

Unknown: 00:34:40

leadership's job is to find what that connection is. And to

Unknown: 00:34:44

encourage you to create an environment where that will

Unknown: 00:34:46

thrive. And if you haven't done the job successfully, you're

Unknown: 00:34:50

gonna have internal strife stress, you're gonna have

Unknown: 00:34:53

fighting, you're gonna have an unsuccessful company, you're

Unknown: 00:34:57

gonna have an unsuccessful environment and you're gonna

Unknown: 00:34:59

have clients

Unknown: 00:35:00

that aren't going to be happy with you. So for me, my

Unknown: 00:35:03

experience is going to be parents that are upset children

Unknown: 00:35:06

that are upset, kids that aren't learning stuff that are dating

Unknown: 00:35:09

along, you know, in a school that's in disarray, as opposed

Unknown: 00:35:13

to a school that staff care about each other parents are,

Unknown: 00:35:17

it's

Unknown: 00:35:18

exceptionally happy that their kids are, are going to their

Unknown: 00:35:22

school or going to that school, and they trust you with their

Unknown: 00:35:25

most prized. I don't want to say possession, but the things that

Unknown: 00:35:30

they love the very most in this world. That's an honor for

Unknown: 00:35:33

somebody that allow you to do that. It's like, man, I can't

Unknown: 00:35:37

think of something better than this, like in life then to be

Unknown: 00:35:42

trusted enough with us somebody's child. That's, that's

Unknown: 00:35:47

pretty special. So, and, yeah, like I said, I'm lucky to have

Unknown: 00:35:52

something inspires me each day to get up and go to work.

Unknown: 00:35:56

I always joke my, my brother in law, he's in oil and gas, but

Unknown: 00:36:00

his both his parents were teachers. And he always says,

Unknown: 00:36:04

Why is it that teachers always say, I'm going to school, but

Unknown: 00:36:07

I'm not going to work, where he goes, when I say I'm, I'm going,

Unknown: 00:36:11

I'm going to work. teachers say, I'm going to school. You know

Unknown: 00:36:15

what, for most of us, we absolutely love what we do.

Unknown: 00:36:22

And I hope that's the case for anybody in whatever they do. And

Unknown: 00:36:25

that they're proud of what they do that they stand up and have a

Unknown: 00:36:29

voice and say, you know, hey, I'm proud of what I do every

Unknown: 00:36:33

day, and I make a difference. And so, you know, that's why I

Unknown: 00:36:38

think some people become a workaholic, too, because they

Unknown: 00:36:41

love what they do. And they put those other things on the

Unknown: 00:36:44

backburner and they still need to be able to love themselves as

Unknown: 00:36:48

much as they love the kids that they're making a difference for.

Unknown: 00:36:50

So yeah. Oh, man, this was such a nice little story that you

Unknown: 00:36:57

shared here at the end. And, and I, I can see already how

Unknown: 00:37:02

everybody will understand your message that Yeah, hard driven,

Unknown: 00:37:07

not ego driven is the future. And this is how we can build

Unknown: 00:37:13

very strong families and communities and strong, thriving

Unknown: 00:37:18

businesses. And I'm so endlessly grateful for you to making the

Unknown: 00:37:23

time today and sharing your light equestrianism and yeah,

Unknown: 00:37:29

I'm excited to share this episode around with with

Unknown: 00:37:34

everybody

Unknown: 00:37:37

will be feeling touched at the heart. Thank you so much for

Unknown: 00:37:41

being here.

Unknown: 00:37:43

My pleasure, all the best and can't wait to see it all the